05x04 - Let's get this party started

[bunniefuu]

The L Word - x - Let's get this party started

Previously on The L Word.

This celibacy thing is like a master cleanse to my body.

You got to try it.

Shane...

Shane!

Remember our plan, if we ever get out of here.

I just want to say, you know, goodbye.

Wait, wait, isn't there going to be a trial?

Am I ever going to see you again?

I want to stay in the service.

You should have thought of that before you decided to be a lesbian.

What do we have to do to win this thing?

I have to lie.

Hey, Alice, can I talk to you for a second?

- No, not right now.

- I made a podcast.

There's nothing wrong with meeting people on the Internet.

It's just hard to find someone after Bette.

She set the bar. I don't know.

What do you wear on a date with a heart doctor?

We'll take that money.

They took my whole week.

Lez Girls is your creation.

She's the only person who could possibly direct the picture.

Directing?

Lez Girls? Rolling... Jorinda Garber, reading for the part of Jesse.

Jesse, I'm in love with you.

Vipers don't love, Karina, they poison.

I still feel your venom coursing through my veins.

You used me as a pawn in your twisted relationship.

How many girls have you and Frances destroyed to tell your sordid stories to each other as foreplay?

- You don't understand.

- I understand.

I understand enough to know that I despise you!

You're the only one that I've ever felt this way about.

Liar!

f*cking liar!

Liar!

You're a f*cking liar!

No, Karina, I absolutely...

I hate you so much, Karina.

I absolutely hate you!

I really...

I can't...

I love you.

I love you.

I love you...

Cut.

That was great, Niki.

How many girls have you and Frances f*cked in order to tell sordid stories to each other as part of some f*cking foreplay?

You're really f*cked up, you know that?

That was awesome.

That was totally amazing.

I loved it.

Good job.

All right, Kit!

Switch up for a second.

I'll just show you.

When you drop down, use your legs, use your full force...

- I don't want to go to SheBar.

- Why?

'Cause I'm not interested in L.A.'s first superhot girls-only club

- straight out of Miami.

- It'll be fun.

- No, it's going to be boring.

- I heard they sunk a lot of money into it.

Are you going to go, Shane?

- I don't know.

I haven't decided yet.

- Come on.

When's the last time you missed a club opening?

It's going to be t*rture for her.

I never said that.

I just said I haven't decided yet, and that's all.

- How come you're not going, Alice?

- 'Cause Tasha can't be out in a l*zzie bar, and I got invited to a Barry Burd party with a guest.

The entertainment lawyer?

Yeah, you know, he's famous for those velvet mafia underground-type parties for all the closeted Hollywood h*m*, and it's fascinating because before you go into the party, you have to sign a non-disclosure form.

It's crazy.

- Nice work.

Okay.

- Way to go, Kit.

Can everyone grab a partner and some pads?

We're going to line up facing each other and go over some punching techniques.

Why don't you want to go?

I've never been to one of the L.A. lesbian clubs before, except for The Planet on Thursday nights.

That's my point.

I don't want to go to a bar that's in direct competition with my sister.

But it's not in competition.

I mean, there's enough room for everybody, and besides, it's so important to support women's businesses.

Just like it's so important that you guys are here supporting me today.

We're here because we love you, and because we were so freaked out by the robbery.

All right, everyone!

Bring your right foot back.

Left foot forward.

Left hands up, okay?

Protect your face.

When you're ready, you're going to scream and defend.

No!

- You okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No!

No!

- Here we go.

- No!

- No!

- Oh, God...

Okay.

Who owns SheBar, anyway, you guys?

It's those girls from Miami.

You know, they're a couple.

Dawn Denbo, Cindi something-or-other.

They're, like, infamous party girls.

Hey, Shane, don't you think she's hot?

The trainer?

She's got the abs, she's got the ass...

No, I don't!

"No," right?

No.

Okay!

All right!

So I think that the bar is going to be crazy because all the lesbians in Hollywood want to be in the movie.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, Jenny.

f*ck off.

My agent's like, "You should wear a T-shirt "that says, 'Sorry, Natalie Portman has the job.'" Natalie passed.

We're going with Niki Stevens.

No, you're not.

No!

Why didn't you tell me?

It happened late last night.

Let's switch up.

Switch up, okay?

Other person wear the pads.

Tina, are you going to go to SheBar?

Yeah, I think so.

I thought you were going to meet Brenda there.

Who's Brenda?

Just this girl I went out with last week.

She's a heart surgeon.

She's hot, talks dirty in bed.

Dirty talking?

Nice.

You slept with her on the first date?

Yeah, I did, actually.

Now you're going to go to SheBar with her?

I don't know.

She was going anyway.

I just thought I'd meet her there.

Since we're both going.

She's hot.

I like her.

No!

What the f*ck, Bette?

I'm sorry.

I'm just playing.

All right, everyone, let's all put the pads down.

Okay?

- Shane?

- Yeah?

Can I use you for a second?

Yeah.

Teacher's calling.

Someone's in trouble.

Come on over.

All right, I just want to use you for a demo over here.

Okay, come on over.

Behind me.

Nice and close.

Okay, all the way in.

All the way in.

Okay, when a perpetrator grabs you from behind...

I don't know.

I think we should sign Angelica up for a self-defense class.

Let's just wait till she gets out of the stroller first.

Grab the wrist, twist over, palm heel into the nose, knee into the groin.

Summer, what if this m*therf*cker has a g*n?

If they have a g*n, you do what they say, okay?

But if you have a chance to run, you do it, okay?

Run to safety.

Well, let's partner up and try this, okay?

We got to learn these skills, okay?

One person behind.

The other person's going to come in front.

You're going to hold on nice and tight.

Okay, grip.

Grip nice and tight.

You okay?

- Yup.

- Okay.

Go ahead, nice and tight.

Grip her.

You're the attacker.

I'm sure you can hold on tighter than that.

Okay, person in the front, what we're going to do is...

I think Summer likes you.

Would you please shut the f*ck up?

God, fricking mouth...

Has anyone seen Shane's vag*na?

Because I think she dropped it somewhere.

One, two, three.

Scream, "No!" No!

You have messages already.

That's nothing.

Alice gets in the first hour that she posts.

What are they saying?

What?

Nothing, just some ignorant jerk.

Read it to me.

"This is a lesbian space.

"I don't really need to know "that Max Sweeney thinks of his enlarged clit "as a big d*ck, "and his freak girlfriend likes to squeeze his tits, "and that's why he didn't get top surgery." Well, I guess that's why we posted it, right?

To educate people like that, right?

Whatever.

Hold on.

Hey, Alice.

Max, you invaded my space to put out your own agenda, and it wasn't cool at all, but here's what I'll do.

You can blog once a week.

I'll put you in your own little box on the homepage, not with the guestbians.

- Why not with the guestbians?

- Because it's a lesbian site, Max, and I just don't want to get bombarded with a bunch of dykes, you know, flipping out about this transgendered thing.

You can't segregate trans people out of the lesbian community.

I mean...

Look, I'm not saying that, you know, lesbians and transgendered can't share the same space.

- I'm just saying...

- Good afternoon, ma'am.

We're looking for an Alice Pieszecki?

I gotta go.

I'm Alice Pieszecki.

I'm Major Dorough.

This is Lieutenant Finnerty.

We'd like to talk to you for a few minutes.

Did something happen to Tasha?

Are you referring to Captain Williams?

Yeah.

Can we talk inside for a minute?

Just take a minute.

Yeah, sure.

Why are you here?

What's this about?

We just want to ask you a few questions, ma'am.

It's nothing to be alarmed by.

What's your relationship with Captain Williams?

We're friends.

You didn't answer my question.

What's Velvet Park? It's a magazine.

Did you want to answer my question?

"d*ke culture in bloom." Gay L.A. SheBar.

You going, Finn?

No.

I assume you are.

You know what, you don't have a search warrant, so I'd like you to leave.

Don't worry, Miss Pieszecki.

I can call you "Miss," right?

You're not married or anything?

So...

What is this?

Nothing.

Wait a minute.

I know what it is.

It's like a low-tech version of what you have on your lesbian website.

- Is Captain Williams on there?

- No.

Who's T?

Someone who didn't want their name on there?

You should go.

Now.

I think you should go.

Come on, Dorough.

Well, thanks for your time, ma'am.

I hope we didn't disturb you too much.

Oh, f*ck.

f*ck...

And then he put the g*n to his head and he pulled the trigger.

- He had a g*n?

- It turned out to be soapstone.

He carved it himself, but it looked totally % real.

You know, it sounds like a very disturbing piece of art, Lani.

It wasn't art, Dean Porter.

Everyone in the room was traumatized by it...

You know, sometimes some people are pretty upset by your work.

Sometimes that's what art seeks to do.

Standing in front of a class and threatening to blow your brains out isn't what art seeks to do.

It was self-inflicted terrorism.

I'm going to look into it.

Don't blow me off, Dean Porter.

I'm not blowing you off, Lani.

I'm just going to gather some more information.

I'm going to talk to Justin and Professor Lerner.

Now, I understand how upset you are, but I also know that if it had been your project that had caused such controversy, you would have wanted a fair hearing.

Are you going to be okay?

I don't know.

I think you are, Lani, and I'm here if you need to talk to anyone.

Jesus.

Vipers don't love, Karina, they poison. I mean, I still feel your venom coursing through my veins. I mean, you used me as a pawn... - I like her.

She's good.

- Yeah, she's natural.

I mean, how many relationships ha ve you ruined... There is no way that I'm casting Niki Stevens.

She can't act.

Jenny, she's the best actor for the role.

She has star quality.

Look at her.

She looks like she just walked out of Maxim magazine!

I'm sorry, is that a bad thing?

Aaron, it doesn't look like she's a writer.

I mean, you're beautiful, you're a writer.

Why can't she play a beautiful writer?

Because it looks like the last book she read was years ago, - Are You There, God?

It's Me, Margaret. - Okay, so who's your choice?

Luchi Santis is my choice.

- She's the best actress...

- That girl is too weird.

She's too intense.

- That's the character...

- She's not attractive...

- Have you read the script, Aaron?

- She's not fuckable!

Look, Niki has heat behind her.

- She's got a huge movie coming out.

- So f*cking what?

So we need heat to put asses in the seats!

Do you have any idea what kind of a risk I'm taking on this film?

Jenny, Jenny, look.

Look at her.

I mean, she completely sold the kiss.

That's really important to have an actress that looks like she enjoys kissing other women.

I don't care about that.

Adele, stop writing.

Get me William on the phone.

William is in Geneva.

I spoke with William this morning, and he's over the moon with Niki.

- He saw a sneak preview of her new film...

- He loves her.

...and he said he'd rather have her than Natalie Portman, okay?

- So are we finished?

- No, we're not finished.

You got the f*cking DGA card.

Why don't you direct the whole movie?

Yeah, I'll direct the movie!

Why don't you f*cking pay for the movie?

Go f*ck yourself, and you know what?

You have a small d*ck.

We make this movie with Niki Stevens, or we don't make the movie!

How does she know how big my d*ck is?

I think she'll come around.

Excuse me?

Well, you know, she's quitting smoking, and so she's just really fragile right now, but I think if you just let her get through her process...

- Who are you?

Who is she?

- It's Jenny's assistant.

Look, I'm going to call Niki Stevens' agent, all right?

I'm going to call her today.

I have a great relationship with her.

Tina, get Schecter on board.

I don't want a cranky director.

I want her to love Niki Stevens like it was her own idea.

I need the slides by Wednesday.

No.

No, the meeting is on Friday.

I need a day to go over them.

You wanted to see me, Dean Porter?

Yeah, I need it by Friday.

If it doesn't come by Friday, then it's of no service to me or to anyone.

That's right.

Okay, great.

No, that's a good idea.

All right, thanks.

Wednesday, Wednesday.

Bye.

Hi.

How could you let a student stand in front of your class with a g*n pointed to his head?

It wasn't a real g*n.

Who told you it was a real g*n?

I know that it was carved out of soapstone, but apparently it looked very realistic, and now Lani Shipman has been traumatized by it.

- Do you want some dinner?

- No.

I want you to tell me about this idiot who made the g*n sculpture.

He's talented.

You're not going to suspend him for this?

No, of course not.

Come on.

You know my position on freedom of expression,

- but in this climate...

- What climate is that?

- What climate is that?

- Yeah.

Columbine?

Virginia Tech?

Is there something you want me to do?

I want you to be just a little bit more thoughtful sometimes.

I think about my students all the time.

I think about how to support them, how to challenge them, and I think about how to help them grow as artists.

So what are you talking about?

I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

I know, I know, I know, I know...

I'm not saying that you did anything wrong.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm going to go, then.

I'm hungry.

Am I dismissed?

Well, you could kiss me good night.

- Good night.

- Good night.

I think I'm going to be working late tonight.

Maybe tomorrow?

If you're lucky.

Are you alone?

Did anyone follow you?

- What?

- Oh, God...

What are you talking about?

Are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

- What the f*ck are you doing?

- I'm de-gayifying.

Oh, God!

Thank God they didn't take a picture.

They didn't even have a warrant.

If they ever come here again, there'll be no evidence of gay.

You know what?

You should keep this somewhere safe.

Wait, hold it.

If who ever comes here again?

The two m*llitary men.

Two!

Oh, sh*t...

I know, they were f*cking Nazis.

They scared me.

Well, what did they want?

They came in, okay, they're just walking around looking at things.

They tried to get me to out you, which I didn't, I swear.

I just said, you know, "Leave." They should leave.

- Oh, sh*t.

I'm so sorry.

- I know.

- What was I supposed to do?

- I don't know.

Come here.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I didn't tell those f*ckers a thing they could use against you, okay?

Not a thing.

Hey, you heard from Helena?

Well, she told me to tell everyone not to worry about her.

Well, she must have a hidden treasure somewhere.

I don't think so.

Maybe she's with Dusty.

I don't know, she wouldn't tell me.

- I just hope she'll be safe.

- She's going to be fine.

Are you sure this isn't going to keep me awake?

No, it's chocolate.

It's good for you.

Now, look, you got this big old appetite these days.

I know.

I'm substituting food for sex.

Amen to that.

- So, what you playing?

- I'm playing Lara Croft: Legend.

- She's a hottie.

- That's not why I'm playing this game.

Okay.

- I'm not.

- Look how fast your thumbs are going.

Well, I got all this extra energy.

I don't know what the hell to do with it all.

Shane...

Shane...

What's the matter?

You okay?

Earth to Shane...

What?

What, you okay?

Shane?

I'm fine.

I'm good.

Can I get that to go?

- Williams, what are you doing...

- Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that they were going to send their dogs to my friend's house?

Keep your voice down and tell me what happened.

You're supposed to be my lawyer.

You're supposed to be on top of this!

You're crossing the line right now, you realize that?

I realize you don't give a damn about me, but you had an obligation to tell me that my friend's privacy and her home would be invaded.

It's not a*t*matic.

They don't always...

Yeah, but you knew that they might, and you didn't tell me!

Well, who'd they talk to?

Alice.

They went to her apartment, and they interrogated her.

She's an innocent civilian, Beech.

Well, she's part of their case because of your alleged relationship with her.

Are you on their side?

I'm representing you in this proceeding.

Are you on their f*cking side?

Are you just going to stand back and let them rip apart my f*cking career and destroy my f*cking life?

Curtis, what's going on?

- It's okay.

It's okay.

- Henry is sleeping.

I know.

It's okay.

Excuse me, ma'am.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to bust into your house like this without any warning.

You're not any part of this.

You're not even in the service, and it was wrong of me to disrupt your home and your family and to probably frighten and confuse you.

I hope I didn't wake your son.

Please forgive me.

Please go with me?

Please?

It's not worth the risk for me.

Why don't you just go the party on your own?

The whole point of going to the party is going with you.

That's the whole point.

It's going to be Hollywood undercover.

It'll be really tight security, and it'll be, like, top secret, you know?

And we'll get to be out together, like, out of the house, really together.

Please?

Please do it for me.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Oh, God, I am so bored with you and this.

No.

Go away.

Fine, we'll stay home, and we'll rent Private Benjamin. Come on.

- No, seriously, Alice.

- Leave me alone.

You've been talking about this party all week.

Yes, I have.

I don't want you to stop living your life.

Just go.

Come on.

Hello, Tasha, living my life would be living it with you.

Have you ever heard of that?

Come on, what's the point of going to a secret love party without my secret love?

Please, please.

Say yes.

Are you positive that it's safe?

Yes.

It's famous closeted people.

I think you'll be fine.

You got nothing on them.

- Careful.

- Come on.

I feel like you want to go.

Say yes.

Is it me?

Is it 'cause I'm too loud and out?

No, no, no, no.

There's nothing wrong with who you are, okay, and I definitely don't want you to feel like because you're with me that your life is on trial.

You know, it's really important to me that...

What?

Wait.

Wait, wait.

Wait here.

Who is it?

I'm looking for Tasha Williams?

She's not here!

My name's Captain Curtis Beech.

I'm her attorney.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Well, she's...

What do you want?

You must be Alice Pieszecki.

Yeah, that's who she is.

It's on us to show cause why you should be retained, which means we're going to have to collect testaments and commendations.

You really think your CO's a supporter of this?

Major Dixon likes me.

I know he didn't want to pursue the allegations.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

So do you think we stand a chance?

I don't know.

We're going to do our best.

We're going to mount a defense, and we're not going to step back.

Well, Tasha is the best soldier that I know, sir.

I'm the only soldier that she knows.

You don't have to call me "sir," Alice.

I kind of like it.

Sir, will you thank your wife for me?

My wife?

Well, Tasha told me what happened last night, I have this theory that behind any man who does the right thing, there's always a woman who got him to that point.

So...

Well, my wife was disgusted when I told her what happened to you gals yesterday.

Us gals?

Okay, I'm going to get some sugar.

I forgot the sugar.

I guess I should have said "women," huh?

Yeah...

Well, she's quite something.

Yeah.

She's a real catch, Williams, smart, pretty and funny.

Okay, look.

This?

- I hate it.

- Adele!

Where is she?

She's never here when I...

- That I love.

- Why?

- Because it's see-through.

- No bra, or bra?

- No.

- Panties?

- Maybe.

- Adele, I need your opinion!

- Yes?

- What do you think of the dress?

It's gorgeous.

It's great...

I don't like it.

Where's William?

- He's in Geneva.

- I don't care if he's in Geneva.

- Can you get him on the phone?

- Okay, absolutely.

- You know what, I actually have calls in.

- How many times have you called him?

- I've called him four times, and...

- Call him again.

- Call him.

But call him now.

- Absolutely.

I'll call him.

First, I want to give you this.

It came into the production office late last night.

He sent it to you.

Can I have a Nicorette?

I got a present Thanks.

Oh, I'm so excited!

I love presents so much.

Nobody gives me presents.

Oh, my God!

Look at this!

Oh, my God, this is so expensive.

I could buy a house in Cambodia with this watch.

- He sent you a note.

It's inside...

- Read it.

"Dear Jennifer, there are many Lez Girls in Geneva, "but none as lovely and talented as you.

"I'm thrilled about Niki.

She is Jesse.

William..." No!

No, no!

No, no, no.

He's trying to ruin my f*cking movie.

You know, I'm just going to...

Should I pick you up to drive you to SheBar tonight...

No, I'm not going.

No, you have to go.

Are you...

What?

- I'm just saying...

- What do I have to do, Adele?

I'm just saying that she has been working so hard, and you deserve a really fun night, don't you think?

- Don't you think?

- You know what?

I need a moment.

All right.

Okay, bye.

- I want you to come tonight.

- Why?

- I beg you as a friend, as your roommate.

- Why?

Why?

Because I love you, and I want to hang out with you.

And wear that dress.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Stop leering.

What?

Shane, you need to get laid!

I only really recommend one g*n for women for home defense, the Smith & Wesson .

Magnum Revolver.

Give it a feel.

It's easy to use, the aim is good, trigger pulls quickly, and depending on the type of b*llet, the recoil is low.

I just want something to scare somebody.

If you pull out a g*n, you need to be prepared to use it.

You want to be able to protect yourself.

Well, why don't I just keep it without b*ll*ts?

You can't fire a g*n without b*ll*ts.

Now, you load it by opening up the cylinder.

Like this...

Just drop the b*ll*ts in, close up the cylinder, aim, pull the trigger.

Easy.

That's the g*n for you.

Can I help you? Yeah, Aunt Sally's here.

Aunt Sally?

Are you serious?

That's what I'm supposed to say.

Look at that.

House of h*m*, here we come.

Kit Porter from The Planet.

You're not on the list.

Let's just get the f*ck out of here.

- Come on.

- Can I get your names?

Hey, you in the red.

You.

Yeah, you.

- Come on in.

- It's all or nothing.

- How many is all?

- How many?

Four.

Four.

All right, yeah, come on in.

Hi, I'm Dawn Denbo.

How you doing?

- Bette Porter.

- Hi.

This is my lover, Cindi.

- Hi.

Welcome to SheBar.

- Hi.

This is my sister, Kit Porter.

- Hi.

How you doing?

- Jodi Lerner, Tom Mater.

Hi.

Hi.

- Wait, you're Kit Porter?

- The one and only.

Well, we've been meaning to come by and introduce ourselves.

We want you to know that we're not trying to take

- any business away from you.

- Hey, of course not.

Don't even sweat it.

Welcome to the hood.

Thanks!

It's just that what we're doing here is in another league entirely, you know what I mean?

It's all about hot nights and hot girls.

We're creating a whole new scene.

I'll tell you, L.A.'s never seen anything like it.

Babe, this is Kit.

The one from The Planet?

So, Kit, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Damn, girl, we're not even going to serve coffee.

- Hey!

- Hi!

How are you?

Hi, Jodi!

- Hi, Kit.

Hi, Tom.

- Hey.

This is Brenda.

Hi, guys.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

So, it looks like you guys are having a lot of fun.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

You know what?

Come on, let's go dance.

All right.

Bye, you guys.

Jesus Christ, it's like South Beach threw up.

- I don't know what happened.

- Hi, I'm Dawn Denbo.

- Hello.

- Hi.

This is my lover, Cindi.

I'm Shane.

Lover Cindi, how are you?

Hey, you know what?

Give them all VIP passes.

You guys, our VIP lounge is the most exclusive in the city.

And our champagne?

Our champagne room, stocked with only the best money can buy, so maybe we can take you for a tour a little later, huh?

Sure.

That's sweet, thanks.

There's some girl out front who claims to be a director.

She says she wants to put SheBar in some movie.

Oh, God, excuse me.

Enjoy, you guys, okay?

Thank you.

Guess who?

That would be Jenny.

So everyone here is on the DL like us.

I hope we see some famous closet cases.

It would be fun.

- Want one.

- Thanks.

I hope we see Matthew.

Do you think we will?

Maybe.

Who knows?

Okay.

Or maybe Beyoncé.

- That would be fun.

- Beyoncé's not gay, Alice.

Come on.

You don't know.

A girl can dream.

I hope we see something scandalous, though.

- Oh, sh*t...

- What?

- There's Daryl Brewer.

- Who's that?

He's one of the top-ranking point guards in the NBA.

Can I look?

He's married with children.

Oh, my God.

Good evening, ladies.

I'm your host, Barry Burd.

Hi!

I'm Alice Pieszecki.

- This is Tasha Williams.

- Hi.

Fabulous cheekbones.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for having us.

It's my pleasure.

Are you enjoying the party?

Oh, yeah.

It's great.

Now I know you.

You're very entertaining with those whatchamacallits.

- Podcasts.

- Thank you.

Of course you won't be doing any podcasting from here.

Oh, no.

No.

I am down with your whole program you got going on here.

Is that Horace Trachtenberg?

Yes...

And that's his wife, Candace, over there.

Wow!

Really?

It's a good party.

Very good party.

Wow...

I'm not going to tell anybody.

- Jenny.

- What?

Niki Stevens is here.

What the f*ck is she doing here?

I don't know.

I don't know, but I think she's coming this way.

Oh, my God!

Hi!

- How are you?

- I'm fine.

How are you?

Good.

You know, I mean, my agents would totally freak if they saw me here, but f*ck them.

It's my life.

I'm going to do what I want, so I'm here to have a good time.

- Who the hell is that?

- That's Niki Stevens.

Isn't she gorgeous?

She's the lead in our movie.

Did you...

Oh, my God.

You're my hero!

Wow, the place looks great.

I mean, they got a great turnout tonight.

Yeah.

They did.

Oh, sh*t.

Sorry, I just need to hide in here for a second.

- Why?

- There's this girl I hooked up with right behind me, and she won't stop f*cking calling me.

- Which girl?

- All right, she's right behind me.

Do you see her?

Is she looking this way?

Yeah, I do.

You hooked up with her?

Yeah, I know, I mean, not many people here know that I'm gay.

Hollywood people, that is.

If everyone found out, it would be this big mess, basically.

Right.

But I'm not going to be some sort of monk or whatever, so do you want to go and talk somewhere else?

Okay.

Help me out.

I'm sorry, girl.

My bad.

It's okay.

I've got two.

You're funny.

I like you.

He never sounded like that in TV interviews.

Okay, can I just say how much this character means to me?

I mean, I am dying to play her, Jenny.

I mean, I actually had to harass my agents to even put me up for it.

I mean, they were completely against the whole thing, but, you know, I said I'd fire them if they wouldn't let me do it.

- You did?

- Yeah, I mean, all they want me to do are these stupid Michael Bay films.

I mean, I actually got offered to play Nicolas Cage's girlfriend, and he's like, what, or something?

So, Niki, what's the deal?

You want to be in my movie?

More than anything.

I have never wanted to be in something so badly in my entire life.

- Why?

- Because it's my life.

I mean, okay, it's not actually my life, obviously, but...

Have you ever just read something that's just so true?

The first time that I ever fell for a girl it was just...

It was so intense, and she completely broke my heart.

Then when I was reading through your script, I just kept thinking, like, I have done these things, and I've felt these feelings, and this character, it's me, Jenny.

It is me.

Look, it's...

I...

I don't know.

It means something, you know, that you're saying all these things, but I don't give a f*ck that you're gay.

It's not going to get you the job.

I know.

You wanted Natalie Portman.

She's amazing.

Yeah.

She is, but, you know, she doesn't want to do it.

Look, I know that I nailed that audition, and, look, I know that everyone in that room was completely into me, except for you.

Jenny, I mean, I get it, all right?

I know what I look like, and I know why guys like me, and all that f*cking Hollywood bullshit, but, Jenny, there is more to me than that, and I need to prove that there is and that I can do this.

I will give you everything that I have inside of me for this role.

Look, my agents already told me that the studio's going to make you hire me no matter what.

- Is that what they said?

- Yeah.

But I don't want that, Jenny.

I want you to want me.

I mean, you are the director, and I will be the Jesse of your dreams, Jenny, I promise you.

Hey, hey!

You're not leaving, are you?

Yeah, yeah, I think it's time I should go.

- No, no, you're Shane, right?

- Yeah.

Yeah, hey, Shane, come here.

We want you to be a regular here.

- We've heard a lot about you.

- I don't know.

What's the matter, don't you like girls?

No, I don't like all the drama that goes with them.

Yeah, well, this business is full of drama.

Hey, girls.

You know, girls always seem to bring the drama.

Sorry.

Welcome to the VIP Room.

Everybody out.

Out.

Let's go, let's go.

Not you, baby.

- Hey, how you doing?

- I'm good.

I'm glad you stayed.

Well, didn't have much of a choice.

Guess what we were just talking about, babe?

- What?

- Girls and drama.

Wow, you know, girls in L.A.

love their drama, don't they?

I think girls everywhere love their drama.

Well, we took care of that problem a long time ago, didn't we, baby?

We sure did.

- Well, you two are lucky.

- Yeah, yeah, we're lucky, and we're completely honest.

We don't cheat, and we don't believe in jealousy, and we put it all on the line, and whatever we do, we do together.

Right, baby?

- Together, huh?

- Yeah.

I can tell.

No drama.

Let's get this off.

I am so over this SheBar.

- I'm out of here.

- Me, too.

Ready?

I promised Shane that I wouldn't leave without her, so...

- I'm just going to go look for her.

- Okay.

- Do you want me to wait?

- No, it's fine.

I mean, I have to pick up Angie first thing tomorrow morning anyway.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What are you doing here all by yourself?

I don't know.

What are you doing here?

I was just looking for Shane.

She disappeared.

I promised that I wouldn't leave without her, so...

I'm hiding.

- What?

- I'm hiding from Brenda.

She's so nice and everything, but...

Oh, my god, she's f*cking crazy.

I can't keep up with her.

I don't know where she is.

Somewhere out there dancing.

I thought you two were so into each other.

We were just having fun.

This is so not my scene.

Just bars.

I know.

You're lucky.

You are really lucky that you have Jodi.

Yeah.

I am.