03x10 - The Chrismukkah Bar-Mitzvahkkah

[bunniefuu]

Opening scene - Christmas tree lot - the first thing we see is an awesome aerial sh*t of the water, and houses etc. then we see a Christmas tree being shaken

Summer: (off screen) nope (shakes another tree) nope (frowns, shakes another tree) look at the branch spacing its like swiss cheese (touches stem) an these stems couldn't hold heavier ornaments

Marissa: so, that's a pass then

(we can now see the Ryan and Seth are standing next to Marissa. they both look like they are over Summers search for the perfect tree, lol Seth is also wearing his cute reindeer sweater)

Ryan: why not, we've been here three hours (looks at Marissa, walks away)

Seth: hey get in the spirit man its Chrismukkah, an I love Chrismukkah

(Summer is inspecting a tree behind Seth)

Marissa: (arms folded) so we've heard (walks away)

Seth: it's seriously the best thing I've ever done, every Jewish boy wants Christmas, I gave myself that

Summer: (looks at needle) well what's the equivalent, what does every Christian kid want (smells)

Seth: easy, a Bar Mitzvah

Ryan: I've never wanted one

Seth: well that's jus cause (raises eyebrows) you don't know better

Ryan: oo (raises eyebrows)

Summer: Coop, let's look over here

Marissa: again

Summer: yeah

(Marissa pouts and Ryan kisses her on the cheek, aww. Summer and Marissa walk off together)

Seth: seriously, I think you should really consider it

Ryan: what, a Bar Mitzvah

Seth: yeah, you've brought some much needed Chris to the Cohen's but I think you could really use a little mukkah

Ryan: mm I don't think so

Seth: (nods) that's tough talk from a guy who eats alotta bagels

(we now see Marissa and Summer in a different section of trees)

Marissa: oh you think Johnny would like that tree (points)

Summer: Johnny, Johnny who (frowns) Johnny Harper Johnny (looks at Marissa) Johnny the one lets take time off jus be friends because I'm in love with you (raises eyebrows) Johnny

Marissa: its just I feel bad, I mean it's the holidays an he's all alone, layed up with his knee

Summer: I don't know Cooper scooper (frowns, worried)

Marissa: (looks at Summer) that's a bad (raises eyebrows, tries not to laugh) nickname, an besides I already talked about it with Ryan, an he's cool with everything

Summer: mm

Marissa: it's just a tree (shrugs)

Summer: ok (looks at Marissa) but I get to pick it out

(we now see Seth and Ryan again)

Seth: everything cool with you an Marissa

Ryan: yep, we had a really good talk

Seth: mm (frowns) an the whole Johnny thing

Ryan: no there is no Johnny thing, I mean there is but...not for her (Seth frowns) anyway it's the holidays I'm sure Johnny's the last thing on her mind

Seth: hm

(Marissa and Summer are back over with Ryan and Seth)

Marissa: hey, so we found a great tree for Johnny's house

(Ryan and Seth look at each other)

Seth: did you now

Marissa: yeah (shrugs) well I figured he could use some holiday cheer (looks at Summer)

Ryan: yeah I think that's a great idea (looks at Seth) (Summer smiles) come on

(Ryan puts his hand on Marissa's back and they walk away together)

Summer: uh-hm, an what do youuuu think Cohen

Seth: my Chrismukkah forecast calls for trouble

(we see an aerial sh*t of the Christmas tree lot as Seth and Summer head over to Ryan and Marissa together)

Theme song - California by Phantom Planet

Front of Johnny's house - Marissa rings the door bell and then looks behind her. the range rover is parked with a big tree tied to the roof. Ryan is holding a smaller tree which came out of the back of the range rover, and Summer and Seth are standing near him. Seth shuts the back just as Johnny's mom opens the door. it almost seems like she's been crying

Marissa: (smiles) hey

J's mom: oh hey, Marissa

(Ryan, Seth and Summer are now near Marissa)

J's mom: if you're looking for Johnny it's probably not the best time

Marissa: i-is everything ok

Johnny: (off screen) who is it mom

(Johnny's mom turns around and looks at him limping over to the door)

Johnny: hey guys

Ryan: hey (touches tree) bought you a little somethin for the holidays

Seth: an it only took Summer five hours to pick it out (Summer smiles and raises her eyebrows)

Johnny: well thanks, its really nice of you guys

J's mom: that is nice, here let me

Ryan: yeah (gives J's mom the tree)

J's mom: ill be inside

(Johnny moves out of the way so his mom can go inside then stands in the doorway again)

Marissa: well what's going on

Johnny: nothin um jus...we got a call from the doctor

Ryan: somethin wrong with the surgery

Johnny: ...there's not gonna be a surgery

(Seth frowns, Summer and Ryan listen)

Johnny: apparently my moms insurance doesn't cover it so

Marissa: so he's not gonna do the operation

Johnny: he would, if we could pay for it (Summer looks down) so I guess I'm...gonna have'ta get use'ta livin here a little while longer

Ryan: sorry man (raises eyebrows) (Marissa looks worried)

Johnny: that's cool, you know I was kinda gettin sick'a surfin anyways (shrugs, almost smiles) yeah but thanks for the tree

(Seth, Summer and Ryan all look as though they feel bad for Johnny)

Johnny: ill see ya (shuts door)

Marissa: (softly) yeah (looks away worried)

Seth: I think he really liked the tree

CUT TO: Cohen living room - we see a close up of a large Santa statue being taken out of a box. Kirsten sets him down near other decorations. the sh*t changes and we can see Kirsten and all her surroundings as well as Sandy walking in the front door. next to Kirsten sitting on the arm of the couch are four yarmuclaus, in front of her we can see a menorah, some tinsel and a couple of smaller figurine things. next to her we can see Seth's and Ryan's stockings and she has a box in front of her that she has her hand in. there are also 2 large soldiers standing near the lounge and the Santa Claus that she placed down, near Santa there is also a little tree

Sandy: hey, I tell you the air is crisp (points) i-i- it must be seventy degrees out there, the kids are not back yet with the tree

Kirsten: oh not yet, Seth said they'll be a while, I'm jus pulling out stockings an menorahs an yarmuclaus (smiles)

Sandy: all the Chrismukkah trimmings

Kirsten: (holds up Ryan's stocking) remember when Seth made him this

Sandy: that feels like forever ago

Kirsten: what feels like forever ago is when my mom an I made this (looks lovingly at the angel) my dad claimed it was his favourite, always demanded that he got to hang it

Sandy: (crouches) It's your first holiday without him

Kirsten: an the last one with the boys in the house (smiles sadly) merry Chrismukkah huh

Sandy: well luckily Chrismukkah has twice the resistance of an ordinary holiday

Kirsten: mm, its jus that this year (raises eyebrows) it just feels like its flying by so fast Sandy an (looks at Sandy) I just feel adrift

Sandy: well you got your business with Julie...an if you wanna feel better about your own life hangin out with Julie Coopers a great way ta begin

Kirsten: (smiles) I should check in on her, see how she's doing

Sandy: you mark my words, this'll be the best Chrismukkah ever (kisses Kirsten) mm

Kirsten: you're beginning to sound like Seth

Sandy: well, it just means you'll miss him less when he's gone (grins, stands)

(Kirsten laughs and then looks at the angel sadly)

CUT TO: The diner - we see the diner all decorated for Christmas. there are Christmas lights along the windows, a few little trees scattered around, and tinsel along the edge of the booths. Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan are sitting in a booth together

Marissa: you guys we have'ta do something...we need a Chrismukkah miracle

(we see a close up of Ryan with his hands clasped together thinking. after a second he clicks his finger and points at Summer. Marissa looks as well, then Seth. Summer looks at them)

Summer: oh, right (raises eyebrows) a Chrismukkah miracle that's what I do (Seth nods) ok (Marissa and Ryan nod) umm how bout if we (stops) no (Seth looks down) no, (turns to Seth) what if (Seth looks hopeful) no (excited) I know (Marissa jumps) (smacks forehead) stu...pid

(Marissa looks at Ryan)

Seth: I can actually see the wheels turning

(Summer sighs, frustrated)

Marissa: well how much can surgery be

Ryan: eh its a few grand at least

Seth: if any of you were even remotely Jewish I would jus say we could pool our Bar Mitzvah money but (thinks) holy crap that's it (points)

Summer: what's it

Ryan: (realises) nn (raises eyebrows) oh n-n-n-n-n-n- no (points)

Seth: yes (smiles)

Ryan: no way dude

Marissa: what

Seth: yes way dude

Ryan: no

Seth: yes way dude

Ryan: I'm sorry, alright I cant, I won't

(Seth is now sitting on the back of the booths seat)

Seth: will

Ryan: I'm not havin it

Marissa: havin what

Seth: a Bar Mitzvah

(Ryan is clearly frustrated at Seth saying it. Seth claps. Marissa smiles and almost laughs)

Summer: (laughs) Ryan gets Bar Mitzvah'ed now that is funny (points)

Ryan: yeah see, Summers laughing

Seth: no that's just gas-

Summer: (hits Seth) hey

Seth: now listen'a me this wouldn't be an ordinary Bar Mitzvah you know what this would be, wait for it (holds up finger dramatically, looks up) wait for it (Ryan looks up) a Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah (Summer frowns) spell that dude

(Marissa looks at Summer)

Ryan: (softly) that's crazy

Seth: yeah, so crazy it just might work

Marissa: (looks at Ryan) so we throw a big party

Summer: an Ryan gets the money from the Bar Mitzvah

(Seth looks at Ryan)

Marissa: an then we can spend it on Johnny's surgery

Ryan: how is this gonna work, am I jus gonna stand in front'a Newport an sing Hebrew

Seth: you chant (points) an hell yes

Summer: (to Marissa) oo what kind'a centerpieces should we get

Marissa: I don't know, band or DJ

Summer: ooo

Seth: uh DJ with dancers

Summer: yeah

Seth: I like the Pussycat Dolls

Ryan: oh my god you're serious

Seth: we can get so many cool things, we can get Hercle the Jewish clown

Summer: Hercle (smiles)

(Ryan closes his eyes and puts his head down on his hands)

Seth: DJ Goldstein Berger

CUT TO: Julie's trailer - we hear the TV going and a dog barking in the distance. then we see Julie in a wife beater and mini skirt on the couch with her feet up on the coffee table. she spits Skoal into what looks like a tin can. it is beyond disgusting. we see the TV and she is watching some kind of car racing. we then hear a knock at the door

Julie: (yells) I told you Gus I'm not going to your Christmas party, even if you are deep fryin a ham

(Kirsten opens the door and lets herself in. Julie sits up and spits the Skoal into the tin, and makes a disgusting noise to boot, ugh)

Kirsten: well, deep fried ham sounds delicious

Julie: (thrown) Kirsten, um (turns off TV) I thought we weren't doing any...business until after the New Year

Kirsten: I didn't come here for business

Julie: oh, just happen to be in the neighbourhood huh

Kirsten: I came to see how you were

Julie: I'm great (Kirsten looks at her skeptically) some'a the neighbours are having cockfights in an hour, using stray dogs it's a holiday tradition (Kirsten nods) my moneys on the feisty Weimaraner

Kirsten: good (raises eyebrows, smiles sadly) cause I'm awful

(Kirsten looks at Julie sadly, Julie looks at her)

Julie: I'm spitting Skoal into a can drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed an living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put in reverse, I'm beyond awful

Kirsten: you're at least gonna spend the holidays with Marissa right

Julie: well you know we were, but the Four Seasons in Maui is booked (sits)

Kirsten: haven't told her

Julie: what that her moms now a Jeff Foxworthy fan, she thinks our new ocean front condo is undergoing a remodel

Kirsten: (nods) Julie what're ya gonna do

Julie: I'm gonna let her have her fun (points to herself) and I will be miserable

Kirsten: well, misery loves company

(Kirsten sits down next to Julie. Julie turns the TV back on, and picks up what I assume is the Skoal, she offers it to Kirsten but she refuses. Kirsten and Julie both put their feet up on the coffee table, lol)

CUT TO: Robert's house - we see Summers dad Neil coming down the stairs just as Summer and Seth come in the front door

Neil: hey

Summer: hi

Seth: Dr. Roberts (Neil looks at him) hello, hi, how are you

Neil: I'm good Seth how are you

Seth: great (nods) I'm with your daughter (points) (Summer smiles) so how could I not be great...plus the Angels won (Summer looks at her dad) lookin pretty good this year mm

Neil: baseball season ended months ago Seth

Seth: but the market is up, yes (Neil looks at him then away) no, it's a good- it's a good time for the market, yes, no, it's a good- it's a bad-its a bad its a bad time for the market

Summer: Cohen

Seth: (softly) it's a bad time

Summer: why don't you comb out Princess Sparkles tail, I know how that (softly) relaxes you

Seth: what

(Neil tries not to laugh)

Seth: Summer what're you- what're you talking about I would never I would (Summer looks at him) (breathes heavily, gives up) is the comb where I left it

Summer: (softly) yeah

(Seth goes upstairs. Neil watches him and then turns to Summer)

Neil: how are you sweetheart

Summer: oh I'm good, I just had a trial run at the Christmas tree lot, I helped pick out the Cohen's tree

Neil: ah

Summer: um is what's-her-name around I thought maybe we could all go later an pick out ours

Neil: your step-mother, she's out of town, she's meeting with the Mahariti? in New Delhi, she wants to get centred for the New Year

Summer: (nods) m so when she's here (frowns) she's not really here but now she's really not here

Neil: but we have each other (Summer looks at him) an I've got a ton'a work

Summer: well cant tummy tucks wait (raises eyebrows) its the holidays (Neil raises his eyebrows) aren't you the least bit bummed that your wife ditched us

Neil: I'm too busy, I really haven't had a chance to...be bummed (smiles) I've gotta be off to the OR, when you wanna get that tree you jus let me know

(Neil kisses Summer on the head. Summer kisses back)

Summer: (sadly) bye dad

(Neil leaves and Summer frowns)

CUT TO: Johnny's house - on the TV we can see old surfing footage of Johnny. we then see Johnny's mom

J's mom: he hasn't moved all day

(we now see that Ryan and Marissa are standing just near the front door. Johnny's mom opens the door to the living room and Ryan and Marissa follow. Johnny looks over)

J's mom: Johnny, your friends are here

Ryan: hey man (touches Johnny's shoulder)

Johnny: hey

Marissa: hey

Johnny: this is when me an Chili went down to Costa Rica, it was the greatest trip'a my life, an now it's the most depressing

Ryan: well, we have some good news

Johnny: yeah, I could use some'a that

Marissa: yeah well your gonna have the surgery

(Johnny looks from Marissa to Ryan)

Ryan: yeah we're gonna throw a party, well a fundraiser

Marissa: I mean we have em all the time so it's not really a big deal but (shrugs) (Johnny doesn't look happy) everyone in Newport usually comes

Ryan: yeah, we'll raise the money

Johnny: so I'm like a charity case now

(Marissa and Ryan look at each other)

Ryan: no no (squints) it's not like that

Johnny: the rich people pay for the poor kid how is it not like that

Marissa: ...(raises eyebrows) we're tryin'a help (shrugs)

Johnny: I appreciate that but I've always taken care'a myself

Ryan: ok, alright, but now's not the time to be proud

Johnny: (looks at Ryan) hey man if anyone should understand...

(Marissa looks at Ryan. Ryan doesn't know what to say)

Johnny: look thanks but no thanks alright (sighs) I should probably lay down (moves leg) my knees killin me (stands) thanks for stoppin by

(Johnny limps out of the room. Ryan watches him and then looks up at Marissa, Marissa looks at him then she looks over at the TV. old footage of Johnny surfing is still playing)

CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer are all out by the pool, and the best bit, Ryan is cleaning the pool,lol. Marissa is sitting cross legged near Ryan eating breakfast, Summer is sitting on the edge of a pool chair and Seth is standing near her. the garden is also understatedly decorated for Chrismukkah. there are fairy lights wrapped around poles and a few poinsettia pot plants scattered around the garden. it looks nice

Seth: I don't care, Ryan's still gettin the Bar Mitzvah

Summer: Cohen the whole point was to help Johnny

Seth: maybe uh to you but do any of you remember my Bar Mitzvah

(Summer looks over at Ryan and Marissa. Ryan looks over at Seth)

Marissa: (frowns, thinks) wait wasn't that Luke's birthday, we played paintball that was so much fun

Seth: yeah that was fun, apparently for the entire thirteen year old population of Orange County none of whom happened to swing by temple Beth El that day but you know what now I'm gonna get a do over (points to himself)

Ryan: well I just wish he'd let us help him

Marissa: well he doesn't wanna be our charity case

Summer: (frowns) poor guy, slight of build an on crutches, he's kinda like our very own Tiny Tim (nods)

Ryan: (sighs) he was pretty upset yesterday but he'd just gotten the news so

Summer: yeah (shrugs) maybe if he jus thinks about it he'll change his mind

Ryan: (shrugs) exactly

Seth: so it's on (Ryan shrugs)

Marissa: alright while you guys keep working on it I'm gonna go talk to him (stands)

Ryan: alright (puts pool thing down, sighs) meet you at the diner

(Marissa kisses Ryan on the cheek)

Summer: (stands) bye (kisses Seth)

(Marissa and Summer leave together)

Seth: an we only have one hurdle left before you become a man

CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy is hanging a Christmas wreath on the wall

Sandy: a Bar Mitzvah (turns around) for Ryan (suprised)

(we see that Ryan and Seth are standing at the end of the bench together)

Seth: ooo it jus makes me feel all tingly hearin you say it

(we can now see that Kirsten is standing near Sandy. Sandy comes down and looks at Ryan and Seth)

Sandy: d'you have any idea how offensive this is (Kirsten looks at Sandy) (Seth motions no)

Ryan: we're not tryin to offend (looks at Seth) jus...help (Seth smiles)

Sandy: well, you gotta be Jewish to be Bar Mitzvah'ed lets jus start there

Kirsten: why are you guys doing this

Ryan: our friend Johnny he can't afford knee surgery i-it's like a fundraiser

Seth: which is where we need you mom (points)

Sandy: it's a sacred religious event (Seth frowns and shakes his head) a tradition that marks a Jewish child's obligation to observe the Ten Commandments

(Seth makes a snoring noise as if he fell asleep and woke up)

Seth: I'm sorry (Sandy smiles) an that's the problem with the Jews right there we have no concept of marketing

Sandy: (looks at Seth) you're on thin ice

Seth: now listen'a me, a long time ago moms team allowed Christmas to be about reindeers (Ryan looks at him) an snowmen an Tim Allen movies (Ryan nods) an I would say that that's a pretty religious holiday (points)

Kirsten: (looks at Seth) the birth of Christ, id say so

Seth: you betcha, well now the Bar Mitzvah is our greatest export possibility, it's got huge cross over potential

Ryan: iiiits an honorary Bar Mitzvah

Seth: it's a Chrismukkah (raises eyebrows) Bar-Mitz vahkkah (Sandy smiles, trying not to laugh)

Kirsten: I like it...an there helping their friend

Ryan: but, we need your blessing

Seth: that's right

Kirsten: the club is throwing a holiday party anyway we'll hijack it, we'll jus tell the Newpsies that we're raising money for the hospital (Seth clicks his finger) Sandy it could be really fun

(Ryan and Seth look at Sandy hopeful)

Sandy: its honorary

Seth: (smiles) hey (claps hands together)

Sandy: minimal Hebrew

Ryan: which I'm fine with

Sandy: no tallis no challah, no tefillin

Seth: hey, as long as people are dancin to YMCA an handin over envelopes of cash we're in

Sandy: then so are we

Seth: (hits Ryan on the back excitedly) Mazel Tov buddy (Ryan smiles)

CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa opens the door and walks in. she knocks on the slightly open door that leads to the kitchen and walks in

Marissa: hey, what're you doing

(we see Johnny sitting at the end of the table with his back facing Marissa, he doesn't turn around)

Johnny: solitaire

Marissa: are you winning (Johnny motions no) oh there's nothing worse than losing to yourself huh (Johnny looks up for a second and then back down) you got some time to talk

Johnny: actually I'm kinda busy

Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I can see that

Johnny: no I'm serious uh (picks up cell phone and looks at Marissa)

Marissa: (frowns, shrugs) w-what's your problem Johnny, I mean you don't want help from anyone or you jus don't want help from me

Johnny: my problem is my problem

(Johnny looks at Marissa. Marissa looks at him, the cell phone rings)

Johnny: I'm sorry I gotta take this

Marissa: (shrugs) I can wait

Johnny: ...it's private

(Johnny looks at Marissa and Marissa walks to the other end of the room. Johnny stands)

Johnny: hey man actually its-its not a good time

Marissa: (scoffs) you know what its fine (Johnny looks at her) ill go

(Marissa walks towards the door)

Johnny: Marissa (Marissa looks) I'm sorry ok

(Marissa looks at Johnny and goes to shut the door. Johnny moves further away)

Johnny: yeah sure I can meet you

(Marissa shuts the door)

CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - we see Ryan sitting on the bed looking through Seth's Bar Mitzvah photo album. there is a photo of Seth by himself, then on the other page one of him standing between Sandy and Kirsten, and underneath that one of just him and Kirsten. aww Ryan turns the page back and we see a big photo of Seth alone, it's the first photo in the album

Ryan: I can't believe this was you

(Seth is near Ryan dragging out a large trunk)

Seth: oh hard to believe I was once skinny an awkward I know

Ryan: (frowns) no but-but seriously you went out in public like this

(Seth is now sitting cross legged in front of the trunk)

Seth: its one'a the unfortunate truths of the Bar Mitzvah Ryan, it's the most awkward time in a young Jewish boys life (lifts lid) but also the most photographed

Ryan: mm is there a videotape too (raises eyebrows)

Seth: you would have'ta k*ll me first (looks in trunk) hey, my archery award from camp Takaho, my clay hot dog I made in seventh grade, my diorama of I know how the cage bird sings (looks) there we go (pulls out CD) this is the CD I trained with (Ryan looks at him) Rabbi Guttermen he does a lovely job (hands Ryan CD) very easy for you ta mimic

Ryan: ooo I don't know if I can do this man

Seth: it'll be over before you know it, listen you jus chant a little Torah, you dance a little hora an then we're golden, as soon as you hear that's what friends are for your done

Ryan: that songs Jewish

Seth: it might as well be (nods) it's a staple of every Bar Mitzvah, its you an all your friends, your arms around each other swaying, it's awesome

Ryan: (frowns) I thought all the kids you invited went to Luke's birthday party

Seth: (looks at Ryan) it's hypothetically (points) awesome but tomorrow we're gonna rewrite history

Ryan: well, I guess I should go study, an then I gotta meet up with Marissa

Seth: hey no slacking with the lady ok, you got twenty four hours to learn Hebrew, to read the Old Testament

Ryan: and humiliate myself in front'a (raises eyebrows) the whole town (starts to leave)

Seth: (calls) its better than humiliatin yourself in front'a no one, trust me

CUT TO: The hospital - Kirsten and Julie are walking together

Kirsten: oh Julie this is just what we need to lift us out of our holiday blues (opens door) we're throwing a party

Julie: it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah which sounds delightful Seth is definitely one of a kind but how is this gonna work

Kirsten: we raise a little money for the hospital, they throw in an arthiscopic surgery

Julie: an there gonna go for that

(Neil comes out of a door wearing a surgical mask and blue scrubs. he sees the backs of Julie and Kirsten)

Neil: Julie Cooper

(Kirsten and Julie look over)

Julie: hi Dr. have we met

Neil: (pulls down mask) well I certainly hope so your daughters living at my house (Kirsten smiles)

Julie: oh Neil I didn't even recognise you

Kirsten: hi Neil how are you

Neil: I'm good Kirsten, busy

Julie: well I should thank you again for letting Marissa live with you

Neil: oh there's no need to thank me, I know how unnerving a remodel can be (Julie looks down)

Kirsten: uh d'you know where the administrators office is (smiles)

Neil: Dr. Sing, what'do you want with that crank

Kirsten: we're throwing a little fundraiser for the hospital

Neil: (smiles) he's definitely not the guy to see about a party, besides he's in the Bahamas

Kirsten: (disappointed) you're kidding

Neil: but maybe I can help you, I'm head of plastic surgery an I'm on the board

(Kirsten and Julie look at each other suprised)

Julie: well yes well it's called a Bar-Mitz vahkkah

CUT TO: Cohen family room - the first thing we hear is the opening music of That's What Friends Are For and a close up of Seth's Bar Mitzvah on the TV. you can tell the footage is old. we see a few tables around the room, and a big white dance floor with two older couples dancing together. the sh*t changes to show that Seth is watching it, it's hard to describe his expression but it's clearly hard for him to watch, poor guy. on the screen we see Kirsten, Sandy and a Rabbi

Sandy: id like to introduce you to my father in-law (points) an here's the Nana, my mother

Nana: well hello (shakes Rabbis hand)

Sandy: my father in-law Caleb Nichol (points)

(the Rabbi shakes Caleb's hand but we don't see Caleb)

Caleb: shalom

(the camera moves around and stops on a young Seth sitting by himself at a table. he looks miserable. we then see Seth flinch at the image, poor guy. on the screen Kirsten and Sandy go over to him)

Kirsten: hey Seth (crouches) d'you wanna dance sweetheart

Seth: this song is called that's what friends are for, it's for your friends

Sandy: well, we're your friends (touches Seth's leg)

Seth: (upset) this is my funeral, not my Bar Mitzvah, no one showed up...an you said Summer Roberts was coming (rolls eyes)

Kirsten: (rubs Seth's arm) she RSVP'ed (whispers to Sandy) an so did alotta kids

Seth: I hate it here (closes eyes)

(we see Seth still watching, he's sort of frowning)

Seth: owww

Sandy: what, what

Kirsten: what's wrong honey

Seth: my rapid palette expanders k*lling me

Sandy: oooh

(Seth screws up his face and touches his teeth. we hear a door open. Ryan comes in and Seth turns off the TV)

Seth: hey, portnoi? how's it goin

Ryan: uh gotta meet Marissa, I'm late lost track'a time

Seth: that's the Torah for you right there, once you start unscrolling its (grins) really hard to stop

Ryan: (looks at Seth) I'm a dead man tomorrow by the way

Seth: yeah well listen, in all seriousness I think it's pretty great what your doin for Johnny considering everything

Ryan: yeah, maybe it'll make me a saint

Seth: Jews don't believe in saints (shakes head) just really good stand up comics

(Ryan leaves and Seth turns the TV back on .we hear the YMCA music. Seth mouthes it and does the actions with his hands, lol)

CUT TO: The diner - Marissa is sitting in a booth by herself, the waitress walks over to her

W: can I help you

Marissa: hey I'm waiting for someone, it'll jus be a minute

W: ok (walks away)

(Marissa looks around and then notices Johnny standing by himself, through the window. she watches for a second and then walks over to the door, she watches for a second and then pokes her head around the corner so she can see better. we see what she is seeing which is Johnny and another guy, and Johnny hands over money. we see Johnny look around nervously and Marissa moves her head back behind the corner so he cant see her. Johnny walks away and then the guy follows after a few seconds. Marissa moves away from where she is standing - the next thing we see is Johnny standing on the beach by himself near the water. Marissa walks over to him)

Marissa: hey, Johnny (Johnny looks over) are you ok

Johnny: ...not really

Marissa: hey look you're gonna get better

Johnny: what if I don't (Marissa looks at him) my whole life I've dreamt of one thing, I was so close to makin that happen, it was gonna change my life

Marissa: ...well that can still happen

(we now see Ryan arriving at the diner. he walks in and sees the empty booth that Marissa was at, he looks around frowning and then leaves - we can now see Marissa and Johnny on the beach again)

Johnny: I'm sorry I've been taking this out on you, I know I've made things weird (Marissa closes her eyes) but sometimes knowin that you're pullin for me...it's the only thing that keeps me goin

Marissa: hey (touches Johnny's shoulder) we're gonna get through this, ok, we'll get through it together

(Johnny looks at Marissa and then leans in to kiss her, Marissa turns her head away so they hug instead. Johnny closes his eyes. Marissa puts her hand on his back. Johnny looks frustrated with himself for what he did - we then see Ryan standing on the pier watching them hugging, he turns and walks away)

CUT TO: Cohen backyard the next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house followed by Seth

Seth: what'do you mean your not doin it

Ryan: I mean I'm done helpin this kid

Seth: why did something happen

Ryan: no somethins gonna happen

Seth: well cant it jus wait till after the holidays

(Ryan and Seth are now inside)

Ryan: no, it can't (looks at Seth) Johnny's in love with Marissa and she can't seem to get enough'a the guy

Sandy: ooh, sounds like there's a low grade relationship issue brewing

Seth: very high grade, its level five

Sandy: what's the problem

Ryan: no there is no problem (looks at Sandy) I'm jus not humiliating myself tonight (starts to leave)

Sandy: (calls) what, your quitting (Ryan leaves) this is bad news

(Seth shows his teeth and nods. Kirsten comes in)

Kirsten: great news, so Neil Roberts cleared the fundraiser with the board, Julie an I talked to the Newpsies, we're all set for tonight (smiles) you were right (kisses Sandy) mm (Seth frowns) this is gonna be the best Chrismukkah ever (raises eyebrows) I gotta go set up (leaves)

Seth: that was...remarkable timing by mom right there

Sandy: oy humbug (looks at Seth worried)

CUT TO: Summers backyard - Neil is standing next to a huge Christmas tree. Summer is near him and there are a heap of poinsettia pot plants sitting near the tree. Neil is hanging an ornament

Neil: well sweetheart I have'ta say your mom taught you well (looks at Summer) she use'ta spend hours picking out a tree seeing how dry the pines were

(Summer is now also at the tree)

Summer: mm if it's dry say goodbye

Neil: how much sap was on the bark

Summer: sticky but critical

Neil: an how the tree looked with all of your presents underneath it

Summer: anything with presents for me looks good (Neil smiles)

Summer: ...dad

Neil: what baby

Summer: ...why did mom leave (looks at Neil)

(Neil looks at Summer and continues hanging ornaments)

Summer: well...I mean I was only thirteen...years old

Neil: (looks at Summer) your mom...well she jus didn't like it here with me I guess

Summer: I remember when you told me the news...I think that was the worst day of my life

Neil: I know an you were already upset with me cause I didn't let you go to Luke Wards birthday party

Summer: (looks at Neil) really

Neil: yeah you had already RSVP'ed to some other engagement

Summer: (frowns)...(realises) oh my god (smiles) yeah

Neil: not that it mattered, you didn't come outta your room for three days, when you found out you...cried

(Summer sighs and picks up an ornament from the box. Neil goes over to her and touches her arms)

Neil: but we've done ok

Summer: yeah (sad smile)

Neil: an your step mother she's very sweet on ya

Summer: well that's because she's medicated (pouts then smiles) (Neil looks at her) I'm sorry...I jus miss mom sometimes

Neil: I know (touches Summers chin) (softly) me too (Summer smiles) I've got rounds, I wont be long

Summer: kay

(as Neil leaves Seth comes through the door)

Neil: Seth

Seth: Dr. Roberts (to Summer) did you see that (points) that was a breakthrough moment for us (Summer looks at him sadly) everything ok

Summer: (almost crying) yeah...jus the holidays can be hard you know

Seth: yeah, can I help

(Seth puts his arm around Summer which brings her head to his. Summer closes her eyes and Seth kisses her head. aww)

Summer: you already have

(we see a sh*t of them standing together. aww)

CUT TO: The diner - we see Johnny walk in, he goes over and sits across from Marissa

Marissa: hey, thanks for meeting me

Johnny: (sits, sighs) of course, after last night, you really talked me off the ledge

Marissa: yyeah (looks at Johnny) I kinda wanted ta talk about last night (Johnny looks at her) I jus feel weird about what happened

Johnny: nothing happened

Marissa: I mean well there was a definite (raises eyebrows) vibe

Johnny: that I like you, it's not a vibe it's the truth (Marissa looks down) which I've already shared with you, unintentionally, but you still seem to wanna hang out

Marissa: (raises eyebrows) I do, I jus...I-I wanna stay friends

Johnny: (sighs) can we...start over

Marissa: yeah, of course I jus...I mean I kinda need to know that everything's ok with you

Johnny: my knees screwed up and I give off a vibe but other than that

Marissa: (leans forward) I mean w-what were you doing last night, cause I saw you out here with this guy an

Johnny: look I thought we jus made peace (Marissa looks at him) I told you I'm...taking care'a things

Marissa: ...w...what'does that mean

Johnny: it means...don't ask questions (looks at Marissa) you don't want answers to (Marissa looks down) lets jus leave it at that ok

(Johnny leaves. Marissa watches him, she looks worried)

CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is lying on the bed watching TV and we hear a knock. Sandy walks in

Sandy: hey kid, mind turnin off the TV

Ryan: I don't really feel like talking

Sandy: oh that's good cause I do, you can listen (turns off TV) that's right (sits) its time for the big Sandy Cohen uplifting speech

Ryan: look Sandy I've got my reasons

Sandy: I'm sure you do (shrugs) jus like I had mine when I didn't want you to do this crazy thing

Ryan: sorry to let you down

Sandy: well it's not just me, there's also Kirsten...she has her heart set on it, an the hospital there all excited about it (Ryan looks away) an your friend Johnny who, whatever he's done, he could really use your help (nods)

Ryan: he can still have the event jus...do it without me

Sandy: oh that'd be missing the point (stands) the whole thing about a Bar Mitzvah is, its about becoming a man, not that you aren't one already but, if there were ever a time for an adult moment, this is it (Ryan looks down) whatever's goin on, set it aside until after tonight

Ryan: id really be swallowing my pride

Sandy: I'm not sayin it tastes good, but (shrugs, raises eyebrows)

Ryan: you gotta do the right thing, yeah feels like I do that alot

Sandy: that's cause Ryan Atwood...your a mensch (Ryan looks at him) an after tonight I'm gonna tell you what that means (smiles)

(Ryan looks at him and then looks away almost smiling)

CUT TO: Julies trailer - Julie is standing in front of an average tree decorating it, she bends over to do something and her bright red g-string is sitting above her jeans. she goes back over to the tree and turns the lights on, just as they light up the power goes out

Julie: (frustrated, stomps foot) Gus! damnit

(Julie walks over to the door and just as she goes to leave Kirsten opens it)

Kirsten: oh

Julie: oh

Kirsten: Julie, what're you doing, we're suppose'ta be setting up

Julie: yeah, right well you know I jus...felt like telling overdressed oversexed Newpsies how to hang streamers wasn't gonna make me feel any better

Kirsten: an I thought we were doing this for charity

Julie: well of course...its just I feel like the Newpsies won't get me anymore its not like I can have them over for poptarts an cockfights

Kirsten: you're avoiding Marissa aren't you

Julie: (looks at Kirsten) I had no problem keeping other secrets from her

Kirsten: Julie tell her the truth, she's your daughter it's the holidays (Julie looks at her) you should be together

Julie: ...your right...ill go over there this evening an do it

(Kirsten smiles and leaves, Julie shuts the door and looks worried)

CUT TO: The pool house - Marissa has the exact same expression as Julie did, she is sitting on the edge of the chair staring blankly. Ryan comes out of the bathroom and Marissa looks over. he looks soooo nice! all suited up with slicked back hair

Marissa: (stands) I haven't heard from you all day

Ryan: been studying, big night tonight

Marissa: well I thought we were gonna have dinner last night

Ryan: eh, alot of Old Testament to cover

Marissa: (nods) well, I haven't heard you use that one before (Ryan doesn't look up) an it's probably good anyway

Ryan: hows that good

Marissa: because if you had shown up you might've seen me an Johnny an it (Ryan looks over) might've seemed like something it wasn't

(Ryan looks at Marissa, Marissa looks at him)

Ryan: ...I saw you guys (Marissa nods) I have a bad habit of showing up at the wrong time (moves closer to Marissa)

Marissa: yeah well nothing happened, I promise (raises eyebrows) we were jus talking

Ryan: (sighs, sits on the bed) looked like more than that (looks at Marissa)

Marissa: he's in bad shape...I'm worried about him

Ryan: well I'm startin to be to I (looks down, then at Marissa) what is this thing you have

Marissa: what thing

Ryan: always helpin these kinds'a guys

(Marissa crouches in front of Ryan so their heads are level)

Marissa: (smiles) what, the wounded loner types, sometimes they turn out to be good guys (looks at Ryan) I don't have feelings for Johnny, I'm just worried about him (stands, sighs) ...I think he might be up to something dangerous

Ryan: (half laughs) Johnny doesn't seem like the dangerous type

Marissa: yeah well (raises eyebrows) he's scared (Ryan looks at her) an desperate

Ryan: what'do you think it is

Marissa: I don't know, I mean dealing dr*gs (shrugs) we're jus so close to helping him

(Ryan frowns, Marissa looks at him worried, Ryan sighs)

Ryan: alright, alright well ill talk to him (stands) and uh...ill see you tonight

(Marissa nods and Ryan leaves)

CUT TO: Johnny's house - Ryan walks into the living room and Johnny's mom follows.

Ryan: so uh how's Johnny doin

J's mom: (puts hands out) you know, first his girlfriend then the accident, I jus don't know what he would do without all you guys

Ryan: well that's what friends are for right (points, softly) it's in there

J's mom: yeah his rooms just down the hall

Ryan: thanks

J's mom: ok

(Ryan walks towards the hall)

Ryan: (calls) Johnny, hey man

Johnny: (off screen) Ryan, hey uh ill jus be a minute

(we can hear water running from the shower)

Ryan: yeah...(softly to himself) take your time

(Ryan goes into Johnny's room and looks around. he opens a cupboard door looks and then closes it, he then opens a drawer looks, closes it and then another one. he looks around again and notices an open backpack, he moves some books forward and lifts up a brown paper bag, there are what look like skateboard wheels inside. Ryan puts the bag down and stands just as Johnny comes out of the bathroom, drying his hair)

Johnny: hey man

Ryan: (smiles) hey, sorry to show up unannounced

Johnny: um, no problem, is everything cool

Ryan: yeah, yeah yeah I actually I'm jus trying to uh (looks at Johnny) tryin'a get you to come to this party

Johnny: it's not still for me right

Ryan: no no no, no we found a different cause I'm um...I'm getting Bar Mitzvah'ed (Johnny looks at him confused) you'd have'ta know Seth better

Johnny: well um thanks for the invite man but I got some stuff to do so

Ryan: it'll be fun, you could use some fun

Johnny: yeah (laughs) um I really can't

Ryan: (a tad pushy) sure you can (smiles) (Johnny looks at him) everyone wants to see you, whatever your doin it can wait right

(Johnny looks at Ryan, Ryan, looks at him not letting up)

Johnny: um...ok uh well I jus gotta get ready, ill be five minutes

Ryan: great (Johnny nods) I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of alotta people (starts to leave)

Johnny: hey man (Ryan looks) thanks

Ryan: yeah (nods)

(Johnny shuts the door and sits on his bed, he moves his backpack and behind it is another bag from which he pulls out a g*n. he sits it in his hand and looks at it, then looks up and we see his profile)

CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see a huge photo of little Ryan in a red baseball uniform, he's wearing a red hat with D on it. surrounding the photo is this white border that you can sign, there are a heap of signatures already and Seth is signing it. the camera zooms out to show that Summer is standing with him

Seth: look at all them signatures, attendance is amazing

Summer: so Cohen no one came to you're Bar Mitzvah (pouts)

Seth: uh not no one (shakes head) the Nana came uhhh Rabbi Guttermen swung by after the ceremony so

Summer: (looks at Seth sadly) that is so sad

Seth: well apparently me in the yamaka was not as enticing a draw as Luke in camo pants

(Sandy comes over)

Sandy: hey

(we now see that Marissa Ryan and Johnny are also there, just standing a little away from Seth and Summer)

Sandy: the photographer has summoned us for our family photos, and Ryan our orthodontist (points) has offered to take your braces off for the big day (Ryan frowns)

Seth: oh couldnt'a done that for me

(Seth, Summer, Johnny, Marissa and Ryan start walking over. Ryan grabs Marissa's arm to hold her back. he looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at him smiles and then keeps walking. Marissa looks at Ryan)

Ryan: don't let him outta your sight ok

Marissa: (raises eyebrows) your ok with that

Ryan: yeah, well, until I can figure out what he's up to

(Marissa and Ryan keep walking)

CUT TO: The Roberts front door - Julie rings the doorbell, Neil answers the door

Neil: Julie (smiles) look at you, whoa

Julie: (smiles) uh I hope I'm not disturbing you

Neil: come on in (motions)

Julie: thankyou (goes in) I haven't been here in so many years I forgot how majestic your home is

Neil: (shuts door) well luckily there are alot of...aging vain people in this town

Julie: (smiles) is Marissa here, I was hoping ta catch up with her

Neil: no she already left for the event

Julie: oh, well, just as well I suppose (sad smile)

Neil: would you like a drink (Julie smiles)

(the next thing we see is Julie and Neil outside at the bar. Neil is making the drinks and Julie is sitting at the bar)

Neil: well I think Marissa's a great girl, she's very good for Summer, gives her an ally in the house when I'm working

Julie: well, Marissa wasn't a fan of my remarriage either, but hopefully ill have her out of your hair soon, remodels almost finished

(Neil looks at Julie, Julie looks at him. Neil pours the drinks)

Neil: little white lies we tell our kids

Julie: excuse me

Neil: well I've been telling Summer that everything's great also, truth is I'm looking down the barrel of divorce number two (looks at Julie)

Julie: oh, Neil I'm so sorry

Neil: oh don't be, the way my wife self medicates she could be a pharmacist...ben miserable for years

Julie: I live in a trailer park (Neil looks at her) (smiles) if only I could say that to Marissa

Neil: sometimes its ok to keep our kids out of harms way

Julie: I jus feel terrible lying to her, we've come so far

Neil: you're remodeling your life, its all about how you slice it

Julie: yes well, you are the surgeon (Neil raises his eyebrows)

(Julie and Neil clink glasses)

Julie: d'you have any interest in a party

(Neil drinks and looks at Julie)

CUT TO: Ryan's Bar-Mitz vahkkah - we see the flash from a camera and Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan standing together. there is a photographer in front of them. we then see Marissa and Johnny standing nearby. Marissa hugs a woman

Marissa: its nice to see you again (smiles)

(Ryan looks over in the direction of Marissa and Johnny)

Photographer: uh Ryan (motions with finger) over here please, everybody eyes right to the lens

(everyone smiles, and yes Seth looks uncomfortable, lol. the photographer takes another photo)

Photographer: terrific

Summer: (to a couple) let me show you to your seats (to Marissa) I was born to usher (touches Marissa as she walks by)

Sandy: Marissa (Marissa looks) come, join us (motions) your practically family

Seth: I think technically she is

(Marissa smiles and stands next to Ryan. Ryan puts his arm around her waist)

Photographer: over here everybody, one two (takes photo)

(Johnny starts moving away from everyone)

Photographer: great lets jus have one with the Bar Mitzvah boy

Ryan: (sarcastically) yay

Marissa: ill be right back

(Marissa notices that Johnny isn't where he was and looks through the crowd for him, she looks worried - the next thing we see is the mic being put on the stand on stage. Sandy, Seth and Ryan are standing on the side of the stage. Sandy points at Ryan and mouths something. Ryan takes out his speech and Sandy goes over to the mic)

Sandy: (into mic) how are you good people'a Newport Beach (everyone claps) welcome to the first and quite possibly the very last Chrismukkah Bar-Mitz vahkkah

(Marissa pokes her head through the curtain and goes over to Ryan)

Sandy: (off screen) a charity event for the Hoag hospital, this is an honorary...

Marissa: (frowns) Johnny's gone

Ryan: what

Marissa: yeah, I lost him I don't know how but he can't be far

Ryan: uh ok, alright uh ill be right back

Marissa: ok

(Ryan leaves and Seth looks over at Sandy on the stage)

Sandy: (off screen) ...fundraiser, I hope you find it entertaining an enlightening, an if not we've thrown in a big party for good measure, now the young man who'll soon become a real man is Ryan Atwood, I'm sure some of you have heard of him, but none of you have seen him like this, lets hear it for Ryan Atwood (everyone claps)

Marissa: (to Seth) go

Seth: no

Marissa: (raises eyebrows) do something, you gotta

Seth: no, I am not reliving this once was horrible enough

(Sandy claps and looks at Marissa and Seth standing there)

Marissa: ok, come on, stop, please

(the camera goes from Sandy clapping to Seth reluctantly walking on stage, Kirsten looks suprised. Sandy stops clapping and looks at Seth)

Seth: (taps mic) Seth Cohen hello (moves stand closer to Sandy) uhhh Ryan...forgot his glasses so he's going to be right back

(during Seth's speech Summer pokes her head through the curtain. Marissa looks at her. Summer looks at Marissa with a "what's going on" expression. Summer stands next to Marissa and Marissa looks worried. they both look at Seth and Sandy, Marissa frowns)

Sandy: Ryan doesn't wear glasses

Seth: he does when he's reading from right to left

(the next thing we see is Ryan out the front of the club coming down the stairs just as Johnny drives off. Ryan runs to the range rover and gets in - we now see Seth on stage again)

Seth: an so that is how I came up...with Chrismukkah, because you cant have Chris...without a little mukkah (claps) huh (no one reacts) who here (points) is familiar with the story...of Chanukah (a woman frowns) no, red sea pedestrians, ok, well today is your lucky day because Summer Roberts (motions) will you please join me on stage (camera shows no that one came out) Summer Roberts (holds open hand out)

(Summer shakes her head at Seth. Marissa looks at Summer and elbows her as if to say "go" Kirsten looks confused)

Seth: Summer, can I welcome you to the stage, please

(Summer looks at Marissa, grabs her arm and heads towards the stage reluctantly)

Marissa: (suprised) owww

(we see Summer come out on the stage reluctantly, holding Marissa's hand so she goes with her, lol. they both smile)

Seth: she is gonna be portraying the part of the Judah Maccabi (points) an Marissa Cooper will be portraying the miraculous oil (Summer lets go of Marissa's hand and puts her arm around her back) oo I hope I didn't give away the ending

(Marissa and Summer look at each other)

CUT TO: The road - we see Johnny's car go through an orange light and turn the corner. Ryan is sitting after the car after Johnny's and moves into the left lane to follow Johnny around the corner. the light changes from orange to red so Ryan has to stop, from there though he sees Johnny park at RockView mini mart across the road. Johnny gets out and we see that Ryan is still watching him. we then see Johnny put the g*n behind his back and tuck it into the waist of his pants, underneath his jacket. Ryan looks worried - we then see the worker at the mini mart start to lock up just as Johnny goes in, it's empty except for one woman who puts her things on the counter to be served. Johnny is standing behind a shelf as if hes browsing

Worker: we're closin up

(the worker goes back behind the counter and turns off a light so the section that Johnny is standing in is now a little darker. Johnny looks around almost nervously. the worker rings up the woman's purchase and looks over at Johnny, Johnny looks down. the worker looks at Johnny suspiciously then hands the woman her change. Johnny walks a little bit and then looks over at the worker again. the worker stares back at Johnny so he looks away and walks a bit more. Johnny looks over at the worker again who is still looking at him. the worker takes his keys off a hook and Johnny looks away. the worker looks at Johnny and then slowly reaches down, we see what he is touching which is of course his own g*n. Johnny again looks at the worker and the worker looks at him. Johnny reaches for his g*n and starts to walk over to the counter when Ryan comes in the door)

Ryan: hey man

(the worker look