04x09 - The My Two Dads

[bunniefuu]

At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom

Taylor: So I woke up early this morning to make my New Year's resolutions, but I think I need your help. So number one, stop mooching off other people's families, and get a job. Number two, start taking calcium supplements. Do you think that's enough?

Summer: Uh, how about number three? Plan Summer's wedding.

Taylor: But engaged? Oh, my God. Why didn't you say something sooner?

Summer: Denial.

Taylor: Hmm. How romantic.

Summer: Look, someday I want to get married, and I'm guessing that it will be to Seth. But now that I'm without child...

Taylor: Well, have you told Seth that? 'Cause getting married is kind of a big deal. I should know.

Summer: Well, Taylor, I cannot break it off. You should have seen his face when he asked me. He's never been that sincere in his entire life. Usually everything he says is laced with irony and contempt. But he meant it. So did I.

Taylor: Except you didn't, not really. Summer, you have to tell him how you really feel. Okay, great. I've always wanted to plan a wedding. I'm thinking bagpipes. Maybe a replica of the Starship Enterprise.

At Cohen's - In the kitchen

Ryan: Hey. Why are you still in bed? Are you sick or something?

Seth: I am sick, Ryan. I'm sick of being engaged.

Ryan: So you asked her before you looked at the test?

Seth: I was trying to be a man, a plan with a fundamental conceptual flaw.

Ryan: And now?

Seth: Well, it'not that I regret it, exactly. Okay, that's exactly it: I regret it.

Ryan: Acting impulsively when your girlfriend is pregnant, believe me, I know about that. But you can't ask Summer to marry you if you don't want to get married.

Seth: Well, I can't ask her and then take it back. You should have seen the look on her face; it'd crush her.

Ryan: All right, that's cool, that's cool. Let's go call Sandy d Kirsten.

Seth: No. No, no.

Ryan: They might think you're too young, but I'm sure after we tell them about the whole pregnancy scare, they'll totally get behind it.

Seth: Ow.

Jettey

Ryan: So just you know, Seth doesn't want to get married.

Taylor: Well, it's not like Summer wants to be a desperate housewife.

Ryan: Right.

Taylor: Yeah, it's going to be easy then. All it will take is one of them to say they think theyshould wait a while, and the other will happily agree, and that'll be that. Except that it is Seth and Summer.

Ryan: Right. Oh, here they come.

Summer: Hey. So Seth and I had a long talk.

Seth: Ryan, I'd like you to be my best man.

Summer: And I'd like you to be my maid of honor.

Ryan: Well, I'd be honored.

Taylor: Yes, me, too. Super. Let's go talk wedding stuff.

Seth: Okay. Uh... I feel good about this. I think a little long-term lifelong commitment is exactly what I needed.

Ryan: This is bad.

Seth: This is so bad.

Generic

Jettey

Sandy: Thanks for meeting me.

Frank: Thanks for calling.

Sandy: So you're Ryan's father.

Frank: That's funny, 'cause I was just going to say the same thing to you.

New Match Office

Julie: House drip? I ordered a bone-dry cappuccino.

Kirsten: This one's for u. I didn't know what to get Frank and everyone likes the house drip.

Julie: Frank?

Kirsten: Our new accountant. Did he go to Dubai with b*llet?

Julie: Um, actually, Keeks, I was going to talk to you about that.

Jettey

Frank: I know I've got a lot of explaining to do, Sandy.

Sandy: Well, yeah, you can start with what you're doing in Newport, using a fake name, working for my wife.

Frank: I want to see Ryan.

Sandy: So ring our doorbell, introduce yourself.

Frank: And have Ryan answer it? I don't think he'd be thrilled to see me.

New Match Office

Kirsten: So how did Frank Atwood become our new accountant?

Julie: He became friends with b*llet while they were both locked up, and b*llet offered him a job. Frank saw that he had holdings in Newport, saw your name on the New Match portfolio. He found out from Social Services that Ryan was living with you.

Jettey

Sandy: I got to be honest, Frank, knowing what I do about you, and your past, it's tough to root for that family reunion.

Frank: I only ask that you hear me out.

New Match Office

Kirsten: Rehabilitated ?

Julie: He used to hit Dawn and the boys.

Kirsten: How rehabilitated could he be?

Julie: Well, he owned up to all that, made no excuses. Apparently, the v*olence always started after he'd been drinking, and he hasn't had a drop in eight years. He went to anger management, got his GED, took some business classes by correspondence.

Jettey

Sandy: I know about that; I checked your record.

Frank: You ever think maybe the system works sometimes?

Sandy: Yeah. But how come you're reaching out to Ryan only now?

New Match Office

Julie: He only got out six weeks ago. What was he supposedto do before that? Send a postcard from prison? "Great food. Love the view. Wish you were here." Look, his entire family hated him. He's the first to admit he deserved it.

Kirsten: So you think he's really changed?

Julie: Yeah, I guess I do.

Jettey

Frank: I know it's on me to prove itto Ryan and to you, that I'm a different guy. But I'd like the sh*t. With your blessing, of course, and hopefully with your help.

At the shopping center

Ryan: Of course you had a chance to break it off, you just chickened out.

Seth: Summer had the same chance.

Ryan: Yeah, maybe she's a chicken, too.

Seth: Summer Roberts is not a chicken. She wants to get married.

Ryan: Yeah, you sure about that?

Seth: Why, did Taylor say that she doesn't?

Ryan: Will it hurt your feelings if I say yes?

Seth: No. Then yes.

Ryan: She says someday.

Seth: But not now. I said the exact same thing.

Ryan: All right, well, then tell her you don't want to be engaged.

Seth: She'll be fine with it. And spend the rest of my life living down the fact that I left her at the altar?

Ryan: The ring you gave her glows in the dark.

Seth: I know; it's so cool.

Ryan: Yes, and I think she'll get over it.

Seth: Yeah, she says she'll get over it, but what she means is she'll get even, okay? Now, if she doesn't want to marry me, she can tell me that herself.

Ryan: Hmm, good point.

Seth: Really?

Ryan: No, but if you're too chicken to tell Summer how you feel, give her no choice but to tell you how she feels. Smoke her out.

Seth: I'm not a chicken.

At Harbour School

Will: As a dog, Buck has the opportunity to view man when he doesn't even know he's being watched. Personally, I think all books should be written from the point of view of a dog. But seriously, seeing the world through the eyes of an animal, forces us to see the world and ourselves in a new light. Thank you.

Teacher: That was excellent, Will. For a new student,you're really catching up nicely. Kaitlin, you're up.

Kaitlin: Thanks for the nap. I really needed to be put to sleep.

Eric: She's not really going to do it.

Brad: Yeah, she is.

Kaitlin: We're supposed to talk about the book like Buck would. And, well, Buck is a dog. So, I think that Buck would say... Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff...

Teacher: Okay, Kaitlin, that's enough You can sit.

Kaitlin: But the assignment was 500 words.

Teacher: I'm not done yet. "Ruff, ruff, ruff." Think we got it. Okay. See you all tomorrow. Kaitlin... I want to see you right now. You think this is funny?

Kaitlin: Kind of. I mean, it was original at least.

Teacher: Well, I'll give you an A for originality.

Kaitlin: Cool.

Teacher: But your presentation gets an F. You're failing English. You think beininheld back is funny, too?

Kaitlin: An extra year in high school is definitely not funny.

Will: Sorry, I forgot my books.

Teacher: Will, you seem to have a real handle on public speaking. Would you mind helping Kaitlin with a revised presentation?

Will: Well, you know, I...

Teacher: Great. One more sh*t, Kaitlin. And every word better be different.

At Ryan's workplace

Ryan: Hey. No shrimp tacos today; we got fish. You like tilapia?

Sandy: Oh, I love the tilapia, but I'm actually not hungry. Thanks, though.

Ryan: What's up?

Sandy: Are you on a break anytime soon?

Jettey

Ryan: You talked to him today?

Sandy: We met, yeah.

Ryan: Always knew one day he'd be out.

Sandy: Well, he's out.

Ryan: Yeah, yeah. It's... weird. And I know I'm supposed to have a lot of questions, but... it's like my dad's from another life it's so far in the past.

Sandy: Well, if that's how you want to keep it, that's fine with me.

Ryan: No speech about the importance of family?

Sandy: You're my family. What's important to me is you.

Ryan: I don't want to see him. Maybe later, not now.

Sandy: Then that's what I'll tell him.

Ryan: Yeah.

Sandy: And no need to explain.

Ryan: Thanks.

Sandy: So I'll see you at home.

Ryan: Uh-huh. Sandy, how'd he seem?

Sandy: He seemed good.

Ryan: Good.

Motel

Franl: Hello.

Sandy: Frank, Sandy Cohen here.

Frank: Hey, Sandy.

Sandy: Hi, listen, I spoke to Ryan, and, uh, I'm sorry, but he does not want to see you.

Frank: Not even a half hour for a cup of coffee?

Sandy: No. Not now. I'm sorry, Frank. Best of luck to you.

Frank: Yeah, um, thanks for trying.

Julie: Ryan said no? What are you gonna do?

At Roberts' - Summer's bedroom

Summer: A cookbook? I thought you got me a present.

Seth: That's just the first part of it. I also signed you up for some cooking classes. Here you go.

Summer: But... I don't even like cking.

Seth: Well, that's just something, I guess, you better work on, if we're gonna get married, since I expect a nice, home-cooked meal on the table every day by 5:00.

Summer: Since when? Your mother never cooked.

Seth: Since I decided to get a wife of my own. I also brought over the Torah. You're converting to Judaism.

At Roberts' - Taylor's bedroom

Summer: He's totally trying to smoke me out. He wants me to break off thengagement so he can live a long, guilt-free life being a big, fat victim. It is sneaky, cowardly and passive-aggressive.

Taylor: And you wish you'd thought of it first?

Summer: Totally.

Taylor: So what are you gonna do, level with him and tell him the truth?

Summer: cr*ck that. He wants a game of chicken?He's gonna get it.

Summer: I'm going bridezilla on his ass.

New Match Office

Sandy: Hey, honey.

Kirsten: Hey, Sandy.

Sandy: I didn't know you were in a meeting. Are you okay? What happened?

Kirsten: We need to talk.

Sandy: What are you doing here?

Kirsten: Frank's not leaving.

Sandy: Well, I'm sorry, but I spoke to Ryan, and that's what he wants.

Frank: There's something I didn't tell you when we spoke. I was hoping I wouldn't need to mention it. But then I was saying good-bye to the ladies, and it just came out.

Julie: Sandy, Frank is dying.

At Cohen's - Kirsten and Sandy' bedroom

Kirsten: I felt terrible at dinner last night, not saying anything to Ryan.

Sandy: Well, you shouldn't. Did he mention Frank? Did he seem remotely curious at all?

Kirsten: Well, he's Ryan. I'm sure he's full of questions. He's just sitting on them.

Sandy: You know, I asked him point-blank, and he said he did not want to see him.

Kirsten: He doesn't know he's sick.

Sandy: If he's.

Kirsten: You think Frank's lying about having cancer?

Sandy: Well, yeah, he's not the most trustworthy guy I've ever met.

Kirsten: Yeah, he'd lie about that. He smoked two packs of cigarettes a day since he was 14 years old. It would be weird if he didn't have lung cancer. I appreciate you being cautious, but this seems personal.

Sandy: It is personal. Ryan is our son. Because Frank turned his back on his family. He has hurt Ryan before. I'm not gonna let him do it again.

Kirsten: But what if he's not lying? Please. What if Ryan finds out that we knew the truth and didn't tell him? Just let me talk to him, please.

At the comics bookstore

Summer: Shalom, Cohen. Well, since you brought me presents yesterday, I thought I'd return the favor.

Seth: Oh, that is sweet.

Summer: Yeah. So here's information on the four "C"s: carat, clarity, color and cut.

Seth: Ah, diamonds. Sure, sure. Well, if we're really doing this, we better do it right.

Summer: Exactly. Which means nothing less than two carats.

Seth: Why not three? You're worth it.

Summer: Oh, there's just one more thing.

Seth: Pancakes?

Summer: Pancakes. I thought he should live with you for a little while. You know, I just need to make sure my husband can take care of something small and vulnerable.

Seth: Sure, sure, I've been meaning to spend a little one-on-one time with the little guy.

Seth: Oh, and I've been thinking, uh, Yates or maybe Shelley.

Summer: You're working on the guest list?

Seth: Those are poets, Summer, and their words will inspire my vows. Have you been working on yours?

Summer: Why, yes. I was thinking of Shel Silverstein with a dash of Dr. Seuss. "I meant what I said, I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful a hundred percent."

Seth: Very moving, Summer.

Summer: I know.

Seth: Okay. We sort of had a dog once.

At Harbour school

Kaitlin: Hey, band geek. Sorry, I meant that band geek.

Will: So Miss Tidy says that you're my tutor.

Kaitlin: That's what she says. And you never disobey Miss Tidy?

Will: Let's just get this over with.

Kaitlin: Actually, I was wondering if you could just write something down and give it to me tomorrow.

Will: Well, I'm not like the other guys at this school. I don't play water polo, and I really don't listen to you.

Kaitlin: Look, little drummer boy, Miss Tidy said that you had to help me with my assignment. If I fail, you fail.

Will: You can do this yourself, you know. You're not as stupid as you want to be.

Kaitlin: Stupid has nothing to do with it. See you before class.

At Sandy's office

Sandy: I didn't know you were coming by.

Kirsten: Oh, well, I knew you'd be at court all morning, and doing all that good can work up quite an appetite.

Sandy: You're telling me.

Kirsten: Roast beef is rare, and the mustard is spicy.

Sandy: Then I'm a happy man, but I'm guessing a picnic isn't the only reason you stopped by.

Kirsten: Aw, Sandy, I don't want to fight with you.

Sandy: We both love Ryan and we both want what's best for him.

Kirsten: Sometimes we're just not gonna see eye to eye.

Sandy: No, and our yin-yang style of parenting has produced two pretty good kids, so why stop now?

Kirsten: Does that mean everything is okay?

Sandy: I know you want to talk to Ryan. I respect that. But you should know I called Dr. Alessi at the prison. I asked him to look into Frank Atwood's medical records.

Kirsten: Sandy, that's an invasion of privacy.

Sandy: Yin and yang, baby. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my words, but if I'm right, the sooner we know, the better.

Kirsten: Does that mean I'm the yang?

Sandy: Maybe.

El guapo nuevo

Ryan: See you tomorrow. Hi.

Taylor: Hey. What do you want to do? Maybe get some Mexican food?

Ryan: That is the last thing I want to do ever again.

Taylor: Occupational hazard.

Ryan: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Actually, I have to stop by Kirsten's office. She said she wanted to talk to me.

Taylor: Do you think it's about your father?

Ryan: Uh, well, I hope not. I made it very clear I don't want to see him.

Taylor: Right. Which I totally support.

Ryan: Mmm, you just don't agree.

Taylor: Well, it's none of my business.

Ryan: Ah, that's never stopped you before.

Taylor: Look, all I know is that if my father wanted to see me, even if he was a lying, violent, drunken card shark who holds up liquor stores with a sawed-off shotgun...

Ryan: My mother's a card shark, but whatever.

Taylor: I would still want to see him. If only to get whatever feelings I had off my chest to tell him that I think he's a total ass and I never want to see him again.

Ryan: That would feel good.

Taylor: Ryan, my dad lives in San Diego with his new family. He comes to Newport once a quarter to check on his car dealership and play around at Big Canyon I haven't even spent more than 20 minutes with him since I was in second grade. It's just... really easy to ignore your kids, and the hard part is trying to have a relationship.

Ryan: Look, I'm sure everything you're saying is right, but you don't know my father.

Taylor: You haven't seen him since you were a little kid. No offense, but you don't really know him either.

At Roberts'

Julie: It says Dalet.

Summer: Damn it. Oh, my brisket is burning. Ooh!

Julie: I like it chewy.

Summer: Julie, I really appreciate you helping me and filling in for Rabbi Gutterman, but this just is not working.

Julie: Right, and whenever you want to let me know what this is, I'm all ears. As much as I've enjoyed learning the Hebrew alphabet with you.

Summer: Well, this is a ridiculous sham. I mean, not that I don't look forward to one day becoming Jewish.

Julie: Did Seth dare you to do this?

Summer: Um, in a way, yes. We're engaged.

Julie: Oh, that's great! I think. You're young, but, hey, worked for me.

Summer: You can't tell anyone.

Julie: No, no, but Summer, did... Are you...?

Summer: No, no... we thought that I might be.

Julie: Then why are you getting married?

Summer: Because he asked me, and I said yes.

Julie: And now you don't want to call it off because you don't want to hurt his feelings.

Summer: Mmm.

Julie: Or 'cause if you do, he'll get the upper hand.

Summer: Exactly.

Julie: Now we're talking my kind of dating game.

Summer: Manipulating the opposite sex. God, Julie, why didn't I come to you earlier?

Julie: Thank you, Summer. Look, if you want to take him down, you have to kick it up a notch. It's called chutzpah.

Summer: I think it's chutz... chutzpah. Chutzpah. Okay, never mind. What are you thinking?

Jettey

Sandy: After I talked to Sandy, I didn't think I'd hear from you again.

Kirsten: I'm sorry he was so abrupt with you.

Sandy: Can't say I blame him.

Kirsten: He's really protective of Ryan. But we talked. Ok, well, there's someone here who wants to meet you.

Ryan: Hi. Want to grab some coffee?

At Ryan's workplace

Ryan: It was fine.

Seth: You haven't seen your father in eight years, and it was fine?

Ryan: Yeah, well, fine is not a total disaer. I'll take fine.

Seth: What'd you guys talk about? Politics, movies?

Ryan: His Netflix queue must have been jam-packed.

Seth: Has he seen Titanic?

Ryan: I don't kown. We just kind of talked. I mean, I don't know. I must have thought hundreds of times about what I would say to my dad when I saw him again, but... sitting in the diner, I just didn't want to say any of those things.

Seth: Oh, because he's sick?

Ryan: Because he's normal. Look, you can meet him tonight. See for yourself. He's coming over for dinner.

Seth: I would, but Summer and I have a date to build our chuppah together, but maybe if we get done early.

Ryan: You know, you can stop that crazy train anytime you want.

Seth: Yeah, I love her enough to ask her to marry me. I am not gonna lose her.

Ryan: Uh, you mean you don't want to lose to< her.

Seth: Exactly. Plus, the little guy is kind of starting to grow on me. Ain't that right, Pancakes? Oh, hi! Hi!

Ryan: Dude, you can't bring an animal in here. What are you doing?

Seth: How dare you talk to your nephew that way. Don't listen to mean Uncle Ryan, Pancakes. That's just the 'roids talking. They do make him huge, I know.

Ryan: Would you get him out of here, please, before he ends up in a quesadilla?

Seth: Ah. We'll be on the patio. Please bring us another side of carrots.

At Harbour school

Kaitlin: You got my speech?

Will: Here.

Kaitlin! I knew you'd come through.

Eric: You asked him to do your homework?

Brad: Yeah, what about us?

Kaitlin: I'm sorry, guys. You've been replaced.

Eric: Dude, I feel so betrayed.

Brad: Me, too.

Teacher: Kaitlin, you ready to start us off today?

Kaitlin: Yes, Ms. Tidy.

Teacher: This better be good.

Kaitlin: Oh, I worked really hard.

Teacher: We're ready when you are, Kaitlin.

Kaitlin: Ms. Tidy, there's been some kind of a mix-up. And Will here, he...

Teacher: No excuses, Kaitlin, let's go.

Kaitlin: Um... Buck is, like, this spoiled and pampered dog who lives a sweet life in a big house in California. And also, he's got really pretty hair. Then, one day, like the book says, the facts of life take a fiercer aspect, and then things just kind of start to suck. Buck goes through so much crap that he goes to live with some wolves, and he'd rather k*ll for his own food than talk to other people. I mean, not talk to other people, because he's a dog, and he doesn't... You guys know that. I think that... that Buck's story is kind of like a metaphor. A taphor for being a teenager. Just like... the more crap you go through, the more you kind of want to be alone.

Eric: Dude, she's pretty deep.

Brad: Shut up, dude. I'm trying to listen.

At Cohen's - In the kitchen

Taylor: Fish? Are you sure about that?

Kirsten: What's wrong with fish, Taylor? Everyone likes fish.

Taylor: Well, what if Ryan's dad was a fisherman on choppy seas, and the smell of fish brings back bad memories?

Kirsten: Chino is inland, and Frank was a mechanic-- cars, not boats.

Taylor: Oh. Okay, then. Wait. What is the FDA's official position on the spinach recall?

Kirsten: Spinach has a clean bill of health.

Taylor: I don't think we should take any chances. I'm gonna go to the store and get some broccoli.

Kirsten: Taylor... what's wrong? Even for you, you're acting a little strange.

Taylor: Yeah, I know. I'm just really nervous. I'm meeting Ryan's dad. The guy hasn't seen a woman in eight years.

Kirsten: I think he'll like you.

Taylor: Well, it's not about that. I mean, of course he's gonna like me. It's just, my first real Ryan situation. Everything else has been all French husbands and slutty aliens.

Kirsten: Excuse me?

Taylor: It's like the first major test of our relationship, and I just... I really want him to see that I can be there for the serious stuff, too.

Kirsten: The fact that you're there for him means everything.

Taylor: Ooh. Thanks, Keeks. You could make such a great mother-in-law.

Sandy: What's going on here? We having some kind of feast?

Taylor: Frank's been eating prison food for almost a decade. The least we can do is grill him some fish. If he likes fish. Do you think he's gonna like fish?

Sandy: You invited Frank to dinner?

Kirsten: No, Ryan did.

At Cohen's - Sandy and Kirsten' bedroom

Kirsten: Hmm. Sandy, I told you that I was gonna talk to him. He just wants to see his father.

Sandy: Well, now we all get to see him at the delightful extended family dinner.

Kirsten: Have you heard back from the doctor at the prison?

Sandy: No. Not yet.

Kirsten: Well, I guess we just make the best of it. We always do.

Sandy: With Dawn, with Trey-- I think we've been very open with Ryan's family.

Kirsten: Until now?

Sandy: Ryan's been through hell this year. And there is just something about this guy...

Kirsten: That he's not a total screwup ? Look, I get it. We all imagined that Ryan's father would be some kind of monster. And then he shows up, and he's smart, and he's funny, and he's nice.

Sandy: Yeah, minus his record for spousal abuse and armed robbery, the guy's a real prize. Move over, Bachelor Bob.

Kirsten: Sandy, your relationsh with Ryan is your relationship. Nothing's gonna change that.

Sandy: Well, I know that. And I know this is important to Ryan.

Kirsten: So important.

Sandy: All right. Let me change. I'll fire up the grill. I'll put a smile on my face and conjure up some embarrassing stories about the family.

Kirsten: Thank you.

At the restaurant

Frank: Hey.

Julie: Hi. Is everything okay? When you called, you made it sounded like an emergency.

Frank: It sort of is. Jacket or no jacket?

Julie: Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Frank: In case you can't tell, I really want this to go well.

Julie: Just relax, be yourself, everyone will love you.

Frank: Thanks. Sound pretty sure about that.

Julie: Well, we've all done things we're not proud of, Frank, but people change. Ryan knows that, so do the Cohens.

Frank: No, I know, it's just...

Julie: Hey, you'll be fine, Frank. It will all be fine.

Frank: Right. But maybe I'll bring the jacket, you know, just in case.

Julie: Good luck. Call me. Let me know how it goes.

Frank: Yeah. Julie... Thank you.

At the comics bookstore

Summer: Cohen. Pancakes.

Seth: Hey, you ready for some chuppah construction, or you just want to take it easy and maybe brainstorm some ideas for the centerpiece?

Summer: Actually, I've changed my mind.

Seth: You have?

Summer: Yes. I don't want some big, formal wedding extraganza. I want something smaller.

Seth: Great, great. It'll just be our families, really intimate, be cozy.

Summer: Even smaller. Me, you and Elvis! Let's elope, Vegas-style.

Seth: Oh, wow, okay, well, yeah, you know. Planning a wedding can be such a pain in the ass. So we'll just have to pick a time that works for you and I...

Summer: How about now?

Seth: Now works, too. Let me just see if I can get a flight. You know, they may be all booked up.

Summer: Well, hey, let's gas up the car and drive there.

Seth: Awesome, a road trip, I love them.

Summer: Well, hey, if you don't want to... No, of course I want to go.

Seth: I really want to go. I just think I need to stop at home first to, um, change my underpants, 'cause you know how I feel about underpants.

Summer: Well, come on. It's our honeymoon. Go commando!

Seth: Awesome.

Summer: Come on, no stops, no excuses. I am marrying you tonight.

Seth: Not if I marry you first.

At Cohen's

Ryan: Yeah, so I guess the plan is that I'd start there in the fall.

Frank: Well, Berkeley's a great school. Or, you know,so I hear. How'd you pick it?

Sandy: Kirsten and I went there.

Kirsten: We met there, so it's a very special place for us.

Frank: Well, that's-that's great. Family tradition. Ryan, do you remember the time we went to San Francisco?

Ryan: Uh, no.

Frank: That's 'cause we never quite made it. Your mom and I had this idea in our heads that we should take a family trip. So we all piled into that old pickup truck we had and drove up north for the weekend. But it was just miserable. Trey got carsick. We got two flat tires. Of course, we only had one spare. Day in the life of the Atwoods.

Frank: You know what? I actually have a photo from that trip.

Ryan: Oh, there's no reason...

Taylor: Baby pictures, yay! Oh, my G, look at baby Ryan. You could already see that strong jawline, those piercing blue eyes that just stare right into your soul.

Ryan: That's my cue to get dessert.

Sandy: Kirsten makes a great key lime pie.

Taylor: Only if you like key lime, though, because I actually thought lemon meringue. And if you want I can just go inside and whip it right up or... Peach tort, I make peach...

Frank: You know, key lime sounds great.

Taylor: You were right.

Kirsten: I should clear the table.

Frank: Well, let me give you a hand.

Sandy: No, no, sit down, sit down. You slaved in the kitchen all day, and you are our guest. So please, just relax.

Frank: Thank you.

***

Ryan: So we all survived dinner.

Sandy: Yeah. I got to say I didn't start off a big fan of your father's.

Ryan: Join the club.

Sandy: But he's kind of winning me over.

Ryan: Yeah, huh? He's different than I remember him.

Sandy: Well... people can change.

Ryan: Too bad all it took was a terminal illness.

Sandy: But better late then never, I guess.

Ryan: True.

Sandy: Looks good. Yeah. Will you excuse me for a second, I got to take this. Yeah, sure, I'll just take this outside.

***

Sandy: Hello.Yeah, this is Sandy. Thanks for getting back to me, Dr. Alessi. I really appreciate you doing this for me, and I understand the position it puts you in. Uh-huh. I see. Well... Okay. Thank you.

Seth's car

Seth: Are you okay? You want to stop?

Summer: No, I'm good.

Seth: Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?

Summer: Sated and quenched, thanks.

Seth: I can't do this.

Summer: You can't?

Seth: No, I can't. Because, you know, as much as I love you...

Summer: Yeah?

Seth: It just doesn't feel right getting married. You know, without asking your father... for your hand.

Summer: You want to ask, um, my dad's permission to marry me?

Seth: I do. Yes, I do.

Summer: Cohen, that is such a holdover to when women were chattel, Traded between men like they were property and animals. Okay, I took two-thirds of a semester of women's studies and...

Seth: Well, I just, I can't do this to your father, Summer. We've watched too much golf together. I love that man.

Summer: Okay... you know, once we ask my dad, there's no turning back.

Seth: Oh, yeah, I know.

Summer: Okay. Hey, well, let's head on home and make it official.

Seth: Okay.

At Cohen's

Frank: All I know is you're a ballplayer and then I go away and suddenly, you're in musicals?

Ryan: Mom had her dreams.

Taylor: Don't you worry, Mr. Atwood, I'll straighten him out.

Frank: Hey, you know what? I like this girl, Ryan.

Taylor: I told you he'd like me.

Kirsten: I should make some coffee.

Sandy: Sorry, I had a call.

Kirsten: Decaf, hon?

Sandy: No, I'm good. Frank.

Frank: Hmm?

Sandy: Can I speak to you for a minute?

Frank: Yeah, sure, excuse me.

***

Frank: Hey, Sandy, thanks again for everything. I mean, this has been a great evening, great dinner.

Sandy: Yeah, well, when a man doesn't have a lot of time left, every meal counts.

Frank: Yeah, right.

Sandy: Why are you doing this, Frank?

Frank: What are you talking about?

Sandy: You're his father. He would have wanted to see you either way, and now he's going to find out you lied to him. I made some phone calls. You're as healthy as a horse.

Frank: You, uh... you checked up on my story?

Sandy: Yeah, for good reason. Your story doesn't check out. The cab is on its way. Now before you go, tell Ryan the truth. Or I will.

Frank: Look, you're wrong about him wanting to see me. He didn't. You know, he... Even though I came here clean and I-I-I was sorry, he still didn't want to see me.

Sandy: Are you going to tell Ryan, or am I?

Kirsten: Is everything okay?

Sandy: Frank? Frank, you got something you want to say?

Frank: Nope, nothing.

Ryan: What's the matter?

Sandy: Then I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Frank: I'm not going anywhere.

Sandy: This is my house.

Frank: And he's my son.

Sandy: Not anymore. I've extended you every courtesy. Now, I'm going to have to show you the door.

Frank: Hey, don't touch me.

Sandy: Oh, come on. Let's go.

Frank: Or what? You don't want to hit me.

Sandy: Oh, yes, I do.

Frank: That was a mistake, Sandy.

Sandy: I'm standing right here, Frank.

Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, stop. Stop! What the hell is going on?

Sandy: Ryan, your father wants to tell you something.

Ryan: All right, come on. Let's talk outside.

Kirsten: Sandy, what on earth?

Sandy: Well, the good news is, Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news? My hand is k*lling me.

Taylor: I'll get you some ice.

Sandy: Thank you.

At Harbour school

Kaitlin: That was pretty good.

Will: Oh, you saw the halftime show?

Kaitlin: I don't watch girls' basketball. Chicks with big hands freak me out.

Will: So you must mean, like, today in class, huh? You liked that?

Kaitlin: Maybe you're not a total geek after all. I mean, you're still a geek, but you got me pretty good. I've got to respect that.

Will: Well, your speech was pretty good. And I've got to respect that.

Kaitlin: It's not like I care if you respect me or not. But thanks.

Will: So got anything else to say?

Kaitlin: No. What else would I say?

Will: I don't know, it's just that you're still standing here.

Kaitlin: So are you.

Will: Do you maybe, like, want to do something?

Kaitlin: Something with you? I don't think so. Good, 'cause, 'cause I didn't want to do nothing anyway.

Will: I was just asking.

Kaitlin: Really, because that's what you do? Just ask people what they're doing?

Will: Exactly, yep.

Kaitlin: Well, then why don't you ask this guy what he's doing?

Will: What? Nah, I'm good.

Kaitlin: Hey, guy, do you want to do something with him? Because he's...

Will: Shut up. Hey, she's playing, she's playing.

Kaitlin: What? Sorry.

Will: Trying to be funny, huh?

At Cohen's

Frank: Ryan, it was one lie.

Ryan: Kind of a big one.

Frank: I needed to buy some time. I just wanted you to get to know me better, so that, you know, maybe you could forgive me. Of all the bad things I've done, this doesn't even make the top ten.

Ryan: Yeah. That's a hell of a point.

Frank: Look, I want to do better. Will you help me?

Ryan: I think you should just go.

Frank: Ryan!

Ryan: It's too soon.

Frank: I've worked so hard to get...

Ryan: Not for you, for me.

Frank: Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sorry, not much of a hugger.

Ryan: Yeah, I know.

Frank: Look, I'm sorry about what happened in there. All right, see you.

Ryan: I'll call you.

***

Taylor: Did your dad leave?

Ryan: When you get decked after dessert, it's usually a time to call it a night.

Taylor: Good tip. So are you okay?

Ryan: First dinner with the family.

Taylor: Very impressive.

Ryan: I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Taylor: Are you kidding? It was amazing. Well, not amazing, but, you know intense. And we went through it together, so it was kind of like our first major relationship milestone.

Ryan: Yeah, I guess it was.

Taylor: And now you are totally prepared for dinner with my mom.

Ryan: Huh. Well, no family is perfect, right?

Taylor: Mmm. Yours is pretty close. You should go spend time with them. I'll call you tomorrow.

***

Ryan: You all right?

Sandy: I'm from the Bronx. I used to hit guys all the time. Key term: "used to." I am sorry I lost my cool back there.

Ryan: He kind of asked for it.

Sandy: And I'm sorry things didn't work out with your dad.

Ryan: My dad is right here. But you know, if you want, I can teach you a mean left hook, just in case. Just in case what?

Sandy: You got more relatives showing up here or what?

Ryan: I have some mean uncles.

Sandy: I bet you do.

Jettey

Julie: Well, you get caught lying about cancer, you're going to get punched, those are the rules.

Frank: Yeah, I just wanted time with the kid. I don't think I would have said or done anything.

Julie: I understand, believe me.

Frank: No matter what lie I told, I would have got caught eventually.

Julie: God knows Sandy's caught me in more than a few whoppers. He's just looking out for Ryan.

Frank: If I'd done a little more of that in my day, I wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Julie: So where you going to go now?

Frank: b*llet's got opportunities all over. I'll think of something. As for you, this ought to keep things straight with Gordon. I think you'll find these books are cooked, so you can hide as much as you make.

Julie: Oh, the prostitution ring. No. After you busted me on New Year's, I made a resolution to quit. It's hard out there for a pimp.

Frank: It's a nice little operation. I mean in no time, you could pay for that house you live in. Be financially independent. Here, you think about it. Okay. I, uh, I want to thank you for everything, Julie.

Julie: See you. Uh, keep in touch.

At Cohen's

Seth: Hi, everybody.

Sandy: Look at you. Where were you?

Seth: Uh, I was working late. Sorry I missed dinner.

Ryan: That's all right. I noticed you're not nursing a bunny.

Seth: I noticed that, too. Yes, Pancakes is with his mother since I'm going to be heading up to Seattle to visit Dr. Roberts.

Kirsten: Oh, that's odd.

Seth: Speaking of fathers, where's Ryan's?

Kirsten: Sandy punched him.

Seth: You punched a dying man?

Sandy: Well, it turns out he wasn't dying.

Ryan: That's why he punched him.

Seth: Miss one dinner around here...

Kirsten: Well, you're home now. Get on the couch. It's family time.

Seth: Is it family time?

Sandy: Come on. Sit thee down.

Seth: All right, what are we watching?

Sandy: Well, it's about meerkats. Meerkats.

Seth: Why are we watching it?

Kirsten: Because I wanted to.

Sandy: And we don't want to get your mother angry. You haven't seen her right cross.

Ryan: Dad's pretty good though.

Seth: That makes sense. He was in a g*ng.

End of the episode.