4x07 - w*r at the Roses

[bunniefuu]

Gossip Girl here.

Your one and only source in the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

You two used to be in love.

Together, you were invincible.

But now that you've turned against each other, it's just a matter of time before your mutual destruction.

Truce? Now I'm in with Serena, and I can find something even bigger to take her down with.

Ben's not my boyfriend.

Please, you're different than anyone I've even known.

Just save it, okay? 'Cause you're exactly like everyone I've ever known.

All good things are worth waiting for, aren't they? Our new psychology of business professor is Colin, the guy from last night.

Cab guy? What are the odds? Relationships with faculty are strictly forbidden.

I'm willing to wait if you are.

Well, then, teacher, I'll see you Monday.

Rise and shine, Upper East Siders.

It's officially fall.

And when the leaves start to turn, we know it's time for B.

's birthday.

We hope Serena will be there to celebrate, but we hear she's having her own private party with a professor.

So you're from Maine? I grew up on a boat.

Not a yacht.

A trawler.

My family's in lobsters.

I love "The Deadliest Catch.

" Okay, so how did you get from there to here? Yeah, it was all my dad.

He never graduated high school, so he made sure I didn't make the same mistake.

And the rest of your family? Still adrift, in more ways than one.

Do I sense a little mystery there? So you came from nothing and now here you are this big finance guy traveling the world with a k*ller art collection.

Favorite book? "Mergers, acquisitions, and corporate restructurings.

" Really? You just became my next project.

Tomorrow, we'll have a music and most embarrassing moments.

Unless We can do this, Serena.

Six more weeks.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Happy to have you home, miss Eleanor.

You didn't think I would miss throwing my only child a 20th birthday party? Mother, you do know that my actual birthday isn't until next week, don't you? I am not likely to forget.

Cyrus and I have tickets to the Palais Garnier.

So I thought, better an early birthday bash than a belated one.

It is a shame that the party will fall on the same night as Lily and Rufus' anniversary, but so goes event planning in Manhattan.

Cyrus sent you this present.

A signed copy of "This I Remember.

" What a fitting gift.

It is time that I claim my rightful role as power player on the world stage, just like little Nell did.

Tonight's party is going to be as glamorous and sophisticated as its guest of honor.

Mmm.

Dorota, come.

We have just enough time for a dramatic reading of page one before I have to meet Serena.

So you seem pretty eager to get together this morning.

What? Your your first anniversary's a big deal.

And I-I figured maybe you could use my help planning, and maybe I needed to get out of the house.

Vanessa just got back from the commune.

You guys talk? Oh, if saying "hey" and "excuse me" counts as talking.

Worst thing is, she she tried to get back into campus housing, but, uh, the deadline past.

Oh, so now you're roomies with your ex.

Yeah.

Hey, how would you and Lily feel about celebrating, uh, with a with a nice family road trip? Actually, uh, we decided to order in tonight and just have a quiet evening alone.

Oh, I-I thought you said, um, it's really important to celebrate with the whole family.

We did, but Jenny has a big test she has to study for and can't make it back to the city.

And it doesn't feel right having a family celebration without her.

I know the first wedding anniversary's supposed to be paper, but that's not really an excuse to to eat out of cartons.

We'll celebrate together some other time when Jenny's back home.

I'm gonna head off, find lil some flowers, try to make this special.

What class has a test on a Saturday? That would be fear of Chuck and Blair 101.

And after the year we've had, I think it would mean a lot to my dad and Lily to get the family together.

There's there's gotta be a way that we can get Jenny to come in, right? Maybe Chuck could help.

Right, like he did last time? He loves my mom, and as long as Chuck and Blair are at w*r, he's on our side.

Did you get a haircut? It looks different.

No, just happy, I guess.

Well, if I know you, there's a guy at the end of that story.

Well, I might be seeing someone kind of.

What is he doing here? What's she doing here? And who brought the avon lady? She's a court stenographer.

There's a notary on the way.

We've witnessed the Waldorf/Bass wars firsthand.

We know you both.

You have nuclear capability.

Sooner or later, one of you is gonna press the other's button, and we're gonna end up with nothing but cockroaches.

You know, we're way ahead of you.

Yeah, we're in a truce.

Which is why we figured you wouldn't have a problem making it official A peace treaty based on more than just a handshake.

So that's why we're gonna sit down and hammer out the provisions of a cease-fire.

And if either of you decide to break the treaty He or she will be excommunicated.

We'll no longer be your friends.

Well, I suppose as I leave my teens, that I should start to think about my legacy.

I have no objection to order in the kingdom.

Let the negotiations begin.

If you give me the standard on weeknights, I'll give you the Carlyle for the entire Christmas season.

Done, but I want an addendum that you can't bed hostesses from a roster of restaurants I frequent.

You can't have fashion week in both Paris and Milan.

You have to choose.

Never, but I will give you art basel in Miami and Switzerland.

Okay, moving on to article 47 Strip clubs in the outer boroughs.

Sidebar.

Why are we sidebar-ing? Do you really want access to strip clubs? No, I just don't want to seem like I'm ceding territory too easily.

So pretend like we're talking about something serious, like my birthday, or have you figured out that anniversary situation? B.

, what can I do? They're already planning a family thing.

Unacceptable Just like that sex glow you're sporting.

There was no sex.

Just coffee.

Coffee is the thing you have before you pay the check to go have sex.

It's different.

Colin is Our professor? The one you promised to stay away from except where class is concerned? Which is why we're only meeting during office hours.

You are one macchiato away from making the same mistake that you always make, and I won't be an accomplice, especially not on my almost-birthday.

Okay, fine, then I won't mention him anymore.

I cede the strip clubs.

Ugh.

Then that concludes the treaty.

Actually, there's one more point I want to negotiate in private.

Attorneys, you're dismissed.

Well, I guess we know why Chuck didn't answer the phone.

Of course Chuck and Blair go to w*r and end up happier than ever, leaving Jenny and our family in a pile of rubble.

Yeah, it figures.

Rubble's their specialty.

Although peace time would be the perfect opportunity for a stealth strike.

Oh, come on.

How good would it feel to finally give them a taste of their own medicine? Not that we're the ones to give it to them.

Well, hold on a second.

What's wrong with us? I mean, I've picked up a-a few skills over the years, and you come from a long line of world-class schemers.

We have righteousness and our parents' anniversary on our side.

No offense, Dan, but we are no match for Chuck and Blair.

Mm, I don't know about that.

Seems like leaves aren't the only things changing colors this fall.

So that's it.

The w*r is over.

No more blackmail, angry asides, or sadistic schemes.

We're not a couple.

We're not at w*r.

We officially have no reason to interact beyond social niceties.

What a huge relief.

I guess this is good-bye.

Let us not forget article 19 No touching.

Take care, Chuck.

Serena! Oh, are you picking up something for Blair's birthday? A first edition? That's really thoughtful.

Actually, Blair's getting a special delivery from Bergdorf's.

This is for a professor.

That's an awfully nice gift for a professor.

You must really like his lectures.

Or that's not all you like.

I may have a small crush.

Tell me everything! I've been there myself, so no judgments, and my lips are sealed.

Well, nothing's happened, and nothing's going to happen At least, not while he's my teacher.

I would never put my academic future at risk.

Then what are you doing? Just talking, getting to know each other until the semester's over.

The waiting is Actually amazing.

Wow.

That's great.

Does he feel the same way? What do you mean? All books, no sex? I-I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he's a guy, and guys don't wait.

So if he's not getting it from you, then There's no way.

He's, um different.

Well, if not, I'm here for advice.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Got it.

Its genius is in its simplicity.

We break the truce, drive a wedge between them.

Then once the peace is off, Chuck will be primed to help Jenny in retaliation.

Okay, so what would enrage Chuck Bass? His maybe mother? His late father? Jack Bass.

That's perfect.

Gossip Girl will be thrilled to hear about a secret fling with Jack and Blair last summer in the south of France, or how they're planning to do it again this Christmas.

Nice touch.

Are you sure we aren't really related? All right, so I run into Chuck, offer my condolences that Blair can't be trusted, suggest the best way to retaliate is offer amnesty to Jenny, and as an added bonus, my dad and Lily get the first anniversary they deserve.

Let's see how strong the holy alliance is after this air strike.

Hello? Surprise! It's me! Serena, I don't think coming here is a good idea.

I'm just dropping off a copy of my favorite book, "The Beautiful and Damned.

" Where is she? I know she's up here.

Serena, meet Ilana.

My housekeeper.

You, uh, were jealous of my housekeeper.

I saw you get her from a cab.

I always pay her cab fare.

Stop smiling.

She's gorgeous, and I'm going a little crazy here.

I know.

Me, too.

Let's be honest.

We may sit across from each other, talking about bagels versus brioche, but all we're thinking Is what it would be like to have breakfast in bed? Okay, as much as it it kills me to say this, no more office hours.

I just can't be alone in a room with you.

So other than class, I'll see you in six weeks.

Other than tonight.

The dean just e-mailed that my presence is requested at a party apparently at your place.

You're invited to Blair's birthday? S.

, I can't talk now.

Did you invite the entire Columbia faculty to your party tonight? I may have invited the dean and whomever she favors.

Why do you care? You're not going.

Well, the anniversary party was canceled, so yes, I am.

And now it turns out so is Colin.

Unless you mean Firth or Farrell, I'm not listening, the dean will be there.

Need I say more? Chuck.

Hey.

Uh, hey, man.

I was just stopping by to see Nate.

But I-I guess he's not here.

He's in his room.

Oh, he is? He's not he's not at class? I would've thought You really don't know how to stage a run-in, do you? Cut to the chase.

Well, uh, since Blair betrayed you with your uncle, I thought maybe you could betray her back, call my sister, offer her protection.

Well, you're just about six months late for that, aren't ya, Humphrey? Hey, I, uh, I didn't expect to see you here.

I assumed That Chuck and I would be back at w*r after that silly "Gossip Girl" blast? It was obviously fake.

What gave you that idea? We have enemies, Humphrey.

All powerful people do.

We anticipated someone would try to mess with us.

And this handiwork has your lying little sister's fingerprints all over it.

Besides, Jack Bass wasn't in France last summer.

He was in Chile.

Again, uh, how did you know that? I must've read about it somewhere.

Regardless, this incident inspired us to add a new addendum to the treaty.

The notary just left.

Now wait wait a second.

There there there's a treaty? Like an actual legal document? Humphrey, the intricacies of our w*r games are too complex for prole like you to fathom.

As an additional gesture of trust, Chuck, I would like to invite you to my birthday party this evening.

I gratefully accept.

And since Gothic Barbie remains safely quarantined upstate, feel free to stop by if you're feeling lonely.

Serena.

Hey.

So it turns out you were wrong about the professor.

He is waiting for me.

But waiting is not easy.

I don't trust myself to be in a room with him.

I'm sorry.

Normally, I would talk to Blair about this, but she doesn't approve.

Some people are such prudes.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, we agreed to stay away from each other, but tonight we both have to go to Blair's birthday, and a lot of faculty are going, including the dean.

The dean? No kidding.

I get it.

What you need is a buffer Someone to stay by your side, distract you, make sure you two are never alone all night.

I'm happy to help.

Really? Thank you.

Of course, although I'm not sure how Blair will feel about me being at her party.

Well, you'll be my guest.

And and maybe it's a good idea.

She'll get to know the real you.

Thank you.

My pleasure.

You've put yourself in the right hands.

Uh-oh.

Juliet's plans are falling into place, and S.

is primed for a fall.

Hey, man, do you know anything about, uh, Chuck and Blair's so-called peace treaty? Yeah, of course.

It was my idea.

You know, they're really trying to change.

I highly doubt that, but do you by any chance know what's in it? I'm sorry, man.

I can't tell you that.

I gave my word I'd guard it.

Security's coming to pick it up and put it in the safe.

Anyway, there's stuff in there Serena and I don't even know about.

Chuck and Blair made us leave early.

Wait a second.

You saw Serena? I thought we agreed.

You don't have to worry about it, okay? She's seeing someone else.

Can we talk about this later? I'm late for class.

Yeah.

Nate thought he and Humphrey were thick as thieves.

Turns out Humphrey's a thief, and Nate's just thick.

Just the man I was looking for.

Hey.

So I assume you're going to Blair's birthday party tonight? Yep.

Solo, now that things are over with Juliet.

That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.

Um, she's gonna be my date.

I thought she left me for someone else.

I didn't know it was you.

Come on.

That guy I was telling you about Uh, we're we're trying to stay away from each other, and he's gonna be there tonight, so Juliet offered to chaperone so that I stay strong.

Well, if all you need is a buffer, let me take you.

Well, I don't want to make him jealous.

No, we're just friends.

Let's be honest.

It's better to have a guy protect you from another guy.

You do have a point.

I know I do, plus I'd rather not run into Juliet, so you'd be doing me a favor, too.

Okay.

Juliet, hey.

Uh, change of plans.

I actually don't need your help anymore tonight.

Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, so you can go back to whatever it is I took you away from doing.

Thank you, though.

Yeah.

Bye-bye.

You put gladiolas in my cabbage roses?! The Waldorf's is not a best Western.

Get them out.

Darling, I just got off the phone with Rufus and Lily.

I told them if they can't be with family, they might as well be with friends.

We have to do something special for them.

I suppose powerful women can afford to be generous.

So I'll have to think of some kind of anniversary surprise.

How's the guest list coming? Everyone's who's anyone will be here.

But I-I couldn't help but notice a certain Charles Bass has been added to the list.

Blair, we don't need any trouble.

He'll be no trouble, mother.

He and I are good.

Yeah, so good you have been berating the help all day.

I'm not berating anyone! I just want to be sure that the party is perfect.

Your dress, miss Blair.

Are you kidding? What part of "J.

Mendel" did you not understand? Actually, dear, I picked it out.

Dorota What's going on with me? You aren't fighting with Mr.

Chuck, so you fight with everyone else.

Take it upstairs.

That's their biggest secret? I-I was expecting something a little bit more "American Psycho" not stabbing a homeless man, but at least feeding a cat to an A.

T.

M.

A birthday surprise may be in order.

I think all it'll take is a couple of calls.

Look, Dan, I know we want Jenny to come in for the anniversary, but she fought back last week and nearly lost everything she learned.

You told her that yourself.

Uh, maybe we shouldn't risk the same.

No, we should.

They deserve it.

They're they're they're smug and they are condescending.

They have treaties.

And we're doing it for Jenny.

Dan, we tried.

It didn't work.

I'm out, and I-I-I hope you are, too.

Hi.

Uh, hi.

Rita.

This is Dan, Rufus Humphrey's son.

Yeah, I hope you don't mind me calling, but, uh, I have a very good friend with a birthday party tonight, and and I was hoping I could get your help.

Yeah, do you still work at Interscope? Looks like Brooklyn's in it to win it.

Just what is it exactly? Guess we'll find out tonight.

Zee! Zoe! Hi, love.

Now I know it's a party.

Oh, stop.

You look so chic.

Cheers.

Thanks.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Dean Reuther, I am so thrilled you could make it.

Happy Birthday, Blair.

The guest list is inspired.

Thank you for inviting me And my faculty.

Well, thank you, and I hope you get a chance to chat with Patricia Ireland.

I think she'd be really interested in that paper you wrote for "Yale Law Review" on planned parenthood v.

Casey.

You read that? Of course.

Every woman who cares about her right to choose should.

You know, Blair, I think another we should get to know each other better.

I'll have my assistant set up lunch.

No.

Okay.

O.

M.

G.

The last girl the dean took to lunch became C.

E.

O.

of Pepsi.

Here you go.

I was happy with eating shun Lee out of the carton, Lil.

This is all just very Upper East Side.

Look, I know you think you're rock 'n' roll, but you are wearing a $2,000 jacket.

Happy anniversary Oh! Thank you.

To you! That's a gorgeous blazer.

Thanks for getting me in, but I should go before anybody sees us together.

Of course.

Have fun.

That guy I told you about is here.

Please distract me.

Okay.

Don't look over there, but my lit professor Look at his pants.

Look at 'em.

I bet you 10 bucks they're held up with a rubber band.

He wears them every single day.

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Dan, hey.

I didn't realize you were coming.

Yeah, it was kind of a last minute thing.

I-I, uh, I didn't know you were coming together.

Oh, no.

We're we're not You know something? I'm gonna go I'm gonna hit the cheese table.

I'll see you later.

Serena.

Hi.

So this is your new buffer.

Yeah.

I didn't know you were still coming.

I came with a friend.

It's nice to see you two having fun.

Yeah, well, you're not exactly dying of loneliness.

Nate Can you give us a moment, please? Yeah.

I'm I'm sorry.

I hope it's not too awkward that I came with him.

I know things are difficult between you two right now.

No, it's okay.

I'm I'm not worried about Nate.

So where is the mysterious professor? Hmm? Which one is he? I'm not gonna tell you that.

Nate's gone off and left you alone.

How am I supposed to step in to be your backup if I don't know who to protect you from? Okay, but you can't tell anyone.

I could k*ll the caterer.

The appetizer tray looks like a Rorschach test.

You! You're you're the one who did such a wonderful job at the fashion's night out.

Come.

Help me with those trays.

Why are you talking to that horrible Juliet, and what are you doing here with Nate? Well, you'll be happy to know that Colin and I Hey! My ears don't register his name.

Are trying to stay away from each other, which is why I brought Nate as a buffer.

And since you won't listen to my Colin problems, I had to go to Juliet for advice.

Serena, do you have amnesia? Juliet isn't your friend.

She's actually proven to be a pretty good friend since she saved me from Vanessa's takedown.

Oh, please, if I want to hear fiction, I'll go talk to Jonathan Franzen.

In fact Son! What are you doing here? I could say the same to you.

I-I thought you were gonna be having your romantic night alone at home.

Eleanor convinced them to come celebrate among friends.

Oh, no.

But but but you but you can't stay here.

It'd be bad luck.

You know, everything here is on China and crystal.

You gotta You gotta go home and celebrate on paper plates as planned.

You know, I am surprised that you are so superstitious, Dan.

Let's face it.

Our plan to stay at home was pretty depressing.

Yeah, let's go check out those cookies in the shape of Blair's shoes.

Okay.

Hey, why why why didn't you warn me they were coming? I didn't think I needed to.

Oh, you didn't actually go through with it, did Oh, you did.

Uh, okay.

Can can can you put a stop to it before it's too late? You look lovely tonight.

It's so cold in here.

I can barely feel my fingers.

Cold? I'm practically feverish.

I must tell Dorota to turn up the air.

Just one thing before you go.

I was wondering how did you know where Jack was? I think I must have read it online.

That's strange.

Last I heard, he was off the grid.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm entertaining.

Good to see you, Serena.

I better go find Eleanor before she wonders why I haven't said hello.

Good to see you, too, Cynthia.

Nice meeting you.

Okay, see? That was a great distraction, right? What are you look what are you looking at? He's flirting with someone.

Don't look at him.

Look at me.

Okay, remember when Mrs.

Salazar made us memorize the Gettysburg address? Look at me and recite it.

What? Just do it.

Just go.

"Four score and and and seven years ago" Okay.

"Our fathers" Don't flair your nostrils at me.

"Brought to this continent, a new nation, uh" Keep going.

"Conceived in liberty" You're doing well.

"And dedicated to the proposition" That you are an incredible chaperone.

I know.

Oh, hi, darling.

Nate, Serena, hello.

Hey, happy anniversary.

I'm so glad we can all be together.

Oh, thank you, darling.

Well, it looks like you're in good hands now.

I'll catch up with you later.

Excuse me.

Uh, you wouldn't happen to be Ben, would you? I'm sorry? I just saw you with Juliet.

I figured if you're the guy she left me for, then your name must be Ben? No.

I'm sorry.

My mistake.

Miss, I have a note for you.

Paper plates are bad for the environment.

Oh, come on, Rufus.

It's not gonna k*ll anyone if we use paper plates just for one day.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm going to the restroom.

I mean, we all have to do our part.

When was the last time you used a paper plate? Nate! Come on.

I need a drink.

Yeah, the bar is right here.

We can just Yeah, well, screw the bar.

We keep the good stuff in the kitchen.

Come with me.

I don't believe it.

You've been seeing Ben?! Shh! We can't talk about this here, okay? Please? No one can see us together.

Okay? Fine.

But you bet your ass we're talking about this.

So that is the guy that Juliet broke up with me for.

He just lied to my face.

Juliet's dating him, too? "Too"? So is Serena.

I knew that Juliet was evil.

I have to go warn Serena.

If you left me for that guy, you can say so.

You know, why is it such a big secret? It's not what you think.

Now if you don't mind No, first you're gonna tell me what's going on.

You've lied to me enough.

He's my cousin, Nate.

And the reason we don't want people to know is because he's a teacher, and I'm a student and he's dating Serena.

Oh, my God.

She borrow my tiara.

She not give it back yet.

But that's okay.

She is 20.

She deserve 20 tiaras.

She has great heart, style, and grace Even when she get mad.

Happy Birthday, miss Blair! Hi, everyone.

I'm Rita, and I'd also like to salute the birthday girl, and I brought some special friends to help me with the toast.

Or should I say "roast"? Who is that woman? Robyn.

She's an incredible musician.

Hey, I tried Rita's cell and got no answer.

I-I-I think she's busy.

Luckily, Robyn was working with me in New York this week and able to bring along a very special video of Blair.

What is it? A Jack Bass sex tape? A Nelly Yuki snuff film? Let me take you back to a summer night in Stockholm, to an afterparty for one of Robyn's shows.

No.

Hey! Blair just kidding! * And show the world * No! No! Ohh! Hey, Robyn.

Jealous? Is she all right? I'm fine.

Ohh.

I'm coming on tour! I Die.

Ha ha ha! * Will you tell me once again? * How could you bring that video here? I'm sorry.

I got a call.

He said it was a roast.

Of course he did.

"He" who? Charles Bartholomew Bass.

Who else? I told you not to invite him.

* When I'm ready to give in * * Will you pick me up again * * Then I guess you can * You were flirting with that model.

You were flirting with that lacrosse player.

He's my friend, and I was just using him to stay away from you.

You were trying to make me jealous? No, I wasn't.

But were you jealous? We're in your bedroom.

I don't think I can make it six weeks.

Well, maybe staying away from each other is so hard because that's not what we should be doing.

Maybe * All heart* I am in complete agreement.

* Blissfully painful in insanity * I really want this, but not here.

* Oh, whoaYou can hang * * With me * You know how ashamed I am of that video.

"Stand by your man"? Gossip Girl is offering a cash reward.

It only takes one video to topple an entire career.

If you don't believe me, just YouTube "Connie Chung piano.

" Blair, just listen to me.

Why did you do it, huh? Because I knew that Jack was in Chile last summer? I only found out because I was desperate for news of you.

You were? All summer, when I was pretending not to care, I wanted to know where you were.

I paid a private eye to look, but the only Bass he got was your scaly uncle.

Blair, as much as I hate being at peace with you, I didn't do this.

If you can stand there and lie to my face, then you're either pure evil or just a common sociopath.

You really believe that? Of course I do! And even if Nate and Serena peeked at the treaty, you're the only one with a motive.

Actually, there was someone else.

* Painful in insanity * Is this a joke? You did this? My sister doesn't feel safe to live in her own house or be with her parents on their anniversary.

She was a different person before she met the two of you.

Come on, Dan.

It's not about Jenny.

It may have started out that way, but this is about you and getting revenge, and you went behind my back to get it.

I know, Nate, but come on.

They deserve what they get.

I'm not sorry.

No, I'm the one who's sorry.

I'm sorry you've become one of them.

* Oh, whoa, you can hang * * With me * Blair, we had a treaty.

* Hang with me * Okay, we have a big problem.

Serena's professor is Colin our cousin Colin.

And what's the problem? He has no idea what we're doing! If he finds out, I-I will lose everything! Don't tell me about losing everything.

I'm sorry.

I know that there's no love lost between you two, but I need him.

He pays for my school, my rent.

What you need is to get Serena caught with her professor, whoever he is.

Did you get the proof like we talked about? Not yet, but, Ben, he obviously has no idea who she is, that's she's the one responsible for all It's because she's responsible that you have to do this.

It is the only way to make things right.

It is the only way for our family to ever move on.

Now please, Jules, get the proof and get Serena expelled.

Robyn gave this to me, and she swore it was her only copy.

You are safe.

Well, that's good news, I guess.

But I'm still mortified.

Dean Reuther saw it.

Madeleine Albright.

I-I'm a failure at 20.

Are you kidding? Elsa Maxwell says that a good party gives people what they don't expect.

Well I suppose watching Rachel Zoe get dipped in chocolate like a strawberry wasn't boring.

Nothing around you ever is.

Something else is wrong? What I want is to be a powerful woman.

But whenever Chuck's around, I just feel like a weak little girl.

I shut myself off for a long time after your father left.

I was cold and hard.

Then I met Cyrus, and he taught me that sometimes you have to allow yourself to be weak in order to grow stronger.

Well, that sounds good, but it feels terrible.

You don't have to lose the girl to be a woman.

Just need to think maybe about how many people are going to be around the next time you let her out.

I am going to bed.

Good night.

It was just a silly karaoke video.

At least no one got hurt.

Yeah, I just I've never seen Dan like that.

I pray it's an isolated event.

I'd hate to think I lost both my kids to the Upper East Side.

Well, I'd hate for you to think that, too.

What? That's a lot of paper.

Eric! Did you do this? Well, I helped, but it was all Dan.

Well, maybe there's a little Humphrey left in that kid after all.

You know, there are ten minutes left of our anniversary.

You know, just enough time to save it.

Hey.

So I wrecked Blair's birthday and I betrayed Nate, I've disappointed my dad, and as the icing on the cake, I pretty much ruined his and Lily's anniversary.

Other than that How was your night? It was Blair's 20th birthday party, and I'm still acting like an eighth grader! Oh, my God.

Is it possible the Upper East Side is contagious? I think we've proven that it is.

We just need some rest and a good dose of Brooklyn.

Yeah.

Thanks for being here.

We've been friends forever, and that's not gonna change.

Dad, I am so sorry.

Wait a second.

You liked it? At the end of every w*r, the warriors come home, hoping what they've seen and done won't stay with them forever.

Anthony patch is more tragic than Gatsby.

I can't believe you actually read it.

Well, why wouldn't I? You gave it to me.

You know, I think I like you too much to do this right now.

We've come this far, and the old me would've gone farther, but the new me really wants to wait.

I'm glad I know the new you.

She's a great teacher.

Ugh.

So, six more weeks Yeah.

At least we stopped ourselves before we made a mess of everything.

No one found out, so we're safe.

Well, in that case Buddha once said, "it's better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles.

" But other soldiers can't give up the fight and go underground to plan the next w*r.

See ya.

But it's the true warrior who knows that wars don't end.

They simply change.

And there can never be peace as long as g*ns are still loaded and there's plenty of amm*nit*on.

What are you still doing here, Chuck? I threw you out hours ago.

I wanted to let you know the treaty is over.

Fine with me.

This pretense of civility was exhausting.

Being amicable isn't in our blood.

I've realized we're not friends.

Friends have to like each other.

And after what happened tonight, I could never like you.

I could never like you either.

In fact, I hate you.

I've never hated anyone more.

Every nerve ending in my body is electrified by hatred.

There is a fiery pit of hate burning inside me, ready to explode.

So it's settled then? We're settled.

* I'm giving it all * * But I'm not the girl you're taking home * * Ooh, ooh, ooh * * I keep dancing on my own * * I keep dancing on my own Oh, yeah * * I'm in the corner, * * watching you kiss her * * I'm right over here, why can't you see me? * These weapons may be deadly.

X.

O.

X.

O.

, Gossip Girl.