6x02 - Rich

[bunniefuu]

Alo: Where are you going, buddy?

Rich: Somewhere that smells less like our balls.

Alo: That is not balls, man, that is soul lubricant.

Rich: I'm pretty sure it's balls.

Alo: O'Malley, please, yeah! Just one more, right? It's right f*cking there, man.

Rich: I'm late for visiting time.

Alo: Well, it's hardly visiting time if Blood won't let you in.

Rich:That's not the point.

Alo: What if this is it, man, the day we perfect Filthy Woman, get a contract and we start the revolution, as discussed?

Rich: And what if today's the day she wakes up? Thank you.

PHONE: Hi, it's Grace, smile and speak at the beep.

Rich; Grace... It's me... again. Can you just wake up? I love you. Did you hear what I said there? I love you. Yeah? I f*cking love you.

Phone ringing.

Rich: Grace?

Grace: Rich.

Rich: Grace. Are you all right, can you hear me?

Grace: Why aren't you here?

Rich: I... I tried. I tried. We all did. Your dad won't let us in.

Grace: Then try harder, Richard.

Rich: What?

At the hospital.

Pauline: Seriously, Richard? Are we seriously doing this again?

Rich: Oh, come on, give me a break, Pauline. She's the love of my life. Look... Two minutes and I'm gone, yeah? The love of my life.

Pauline: I don't know, Richard.

Rich: The love of my life.

Pauline: Stop saying that!

Rich: It's working, though.

Pauline: Yes! No, no! Look. Why don't you...?

Mr Blood: Nurse, call security, tell them that the boy has got in... again.

Rich: Don't bother. I know the way out.

Mr Blood: This is exactly the kind of blatant emotionalism we shan't have to deal with in Switzerland.

Pauline: Grace might benefit from being around people who love her. Professor Blood. Wait, please!

Mr Blood: He is inappropriate, indecorous, inane and in a great deal of trouble.

Pauline: Don't you think this is a bit hasty?

Mr Blood: My daughter deserves the finest medical care available and a clinic in ZuRich is the finest...

Pauline: ZuRich?

Mr Blood: In all of Europe. I want her ready to leave for Switzerland by this evening. Good day.

Rich: Grace.

Grace: There's a door over there, you know.

Rich: It's hard to explain. Involves your crazy dad. He is crazy, you know.

Grace: I'm disappointed. I thought you would find your way in sooner. If you were worth your salt.

Rich: Well... I'm here now and that's the main thing. That's the main thing.

Grace: Don't ever get ill on me again, OK? I mean it. Like... ever. I mean it.

Rich: OK.

Grace: Dad's taking me to Switzerland to get better.

Rich: Yeah, I know. I probably really love you, Grace, but your dad's a total bell end.

Grace: I want you to think a way out of the predicament, Richard. This is your moment to show me what you're made of.

Rich: Hmm.

Grace: Promise me, Rich.

Rich: I promise.

Grace: Cool, get in here.

Rich: What... now?!

Grace: I'm horny, aren't you?

Rich: f*ck it, yes.

Grace: Come on, hurry up.

Rich: All right, all right.

Grace: Get in here.

Rich: All right. All right. Oh, sh*t... sorry. Stupid f*cking jeans.

Grace: Mind my catheter.

Rich: sh*t, sorry.

Grace: Whoops!

Rich: What? f*ck off! f*ck off! f*cking come on, then. What about my... f*ckers!

Rich's house.

Rich mum: Sweetie!

Rich: What?

Rich mum: Surprise! We got you a ticket! You're coming to Halkidiki with us!

Rich: I f*cking well am not.

Rich mum: Richard!

Rich dad: Anita! Mr Blood called again today.

Rich mum: I know you're worried about Grace, poppet. We all are. How much have I spent on flowers in the last two weeks?

Rich dad: £11.49.

Rich mum: £11.49, poppet.

Rich dad: But you can't keep doing this to that poor family. Give them some space, Rich. A holiday will do you the world of good. And you'll make lots of new friends. We met some lovely young girls banana-boating last year.

Rich: Yeah? I'd rather hang myself.

Rich mum: Kevin, unpack the bags.

Rich dad: Anita, I'm sure he didn't mean...

Rich mum: I said unpack the effing bags! Every single warning sign Take A Break said to look out for, but you wouldn't listen! I will not come home to my baby swinging from the rafters!

Rich: Mum, I'm not going to actually...

Rich mum: We will fix you, poppet. I know it hurts. Of course it does but you'll move on. It's just young love. It's not real.

Rich: Mum, I'm fine. She needs me here. If Blood wants me to stay away, I'll stay away. But I'm not leaving. OK? If she's not on that flight in four hours, I'm actually going to be forced to k*ll myself. Are we clear, Kevin?

Rich: Mr Blood? I've been thinking and, er... you're right... about everything. Whatever you want for her, whatever you want me to be, I'll be. Just don't take her away, all right? Mr Blood? No! No f*cking signal! f*ck!

Blood's house.

Alo: Rich! Come on, Rich? Come on, Rich! Richard! I can smell you from out here, man. I've got weed! You've been man-tracked, bitch. Nice gaff. Where is she, then?

Rich: ZuRich?

Alo: Like in space?

Rich: It's in Switzerland.

Alo: She's only been awake five minutes and he takes her skiing? That is mental.

Rich: She's at a clinic, you subnormal twat. And he can do what he wants, apparently.

Alo: So let's go.

Rich: Where?

Alo: ZuRich, man. Delta Force Rescue.

Rich: I don't know where she is.

Alo: Oh. So we'll just wait here till she gets back, then?

Alo: Et voila. Huh? That's Swiss.

Cheers, mate.

Rich: Give me...

Alo: Oh, sh*t. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, mate.

Rich: You motherfuck... f*cking hell. You f*cking dickhead, man.

Alo: I'm sorry. You want some?

Rich: Yeah.

Alo: It's massive. God, my chest.

Alo: Whooooo! Boom-town! This is great, innit? I mean it's like being on Bad Boy Island.

Rich; Huh?

Alo: Pinocchio! Our first squat. This is it, man. This is where it all begins.

Rich: What?

Alo: The music revolution.

Rich: Hang on. We're not going, er...

Alo: Our first gig is going to be a f*cking blinder.

Rich: You can't put a gig in a house.

Alo: Right, firstly, this isn't just any house. This is David Blood's house. Secondly, we need to f*ck his sh*t up. So come on! I do like f*cking his sh*t up.Now you're talking. Swing away.

Rich: Um...

Alo: Yes, that's what I am talking about! Mindless anarchy. That's what the kids are about nowadays!

Rich: Wooo!

Alo: Yeah!

Rich: Stop!

Alo: Come on, man. Let's go poo on his bed!

Rich: Shut it! Shut up! Just shut it, shut up! Aargh. f*ck sake!

Alo: What are you doing, buddy?

Rich: Shut the f*ck up. f*ck! No f*cking signal.

Alo: Do that thing where you put your sim card on your forehead.

Rich: Shut up.

Alo: It proper works. Shitbox told me. Listen you got to...

Rich: What, Alo? What the f*ck do you want?

Alo: I'm trying to help you.

Rich: Well, don't! I don't want any f*cking help. No-one can help me because I've got no f*cking signal and I want to speak to my girl... friend! I've got to find her.

Alo: Have you checked the fridge?

Rich: What?

Alo: I know, I know. I am that good.

Rich: OK. You have some uses.

Alo: One, one, OK...

Rich: Guten tag. Yeah, yeah, go, go.

Voice: Willkommen zum Klinik Gotzmann.

Rich: OK, I don't understand any of those words. Yes. I'm trying to contact Grace Blood. Grace Blood! No. Listen, please! Why does nothing work? Keep your gonads on!

Voice: Guten tag. Wie kann ich dir helfen?

Rich: Er... yes!

Voice: Entschuldigung.

Rich: Ja, bonjour...

Voice: Ich verstehe nicht.

Rich: Ist der une... Um... Grace Blood, por favor?

Voice: OK, you're looking for Grace, buddy. Ha-ha!

Rich: Yes, I'm, er... Grace Blood... I'm her brother.

Voice: Ja cool. Putting you through. Hold the line.

Rich: Yes! Yes! Yes, you do love me, you f*cking love me! Come on! Yes! Grace!

Mr Blood: This is unacceptable behaviour, Hardbeck. It's futile.

Rich: Grace! Grace!

Mr Blood: Leave us Alone!

Rich: Grace, can you hear me?

Alo: I'm really s... Talk to me, man.

Rich: Go home, Alo. I want to be on my own. All right?

Rich: Don't grow up, Gracey.

Mini: Wait, wait, hon...

Alo: There, there?

Mini: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. No, no, no. Wait, wait. Keep it there. Keep it there, f*ck!

Alo: Oh, f*ck!

Mini: No, wait, wait.

Rich: You awful, awful bastards.

Alo: Ah... Jesus and Mary... Can I just... You're on your own here, big boy.

Rich: This is... This is horrific.

Alo: Mate, I... She always makes such a racket, honest. It's like a paddling pool got punctured or something.

Rich: Oh, cheers. You know what? f*ck the both of you.

Mini: Er... Rich, why didn't you... Why didn't you call me? What, she wakes up and you just don't bother to let me know?

Rich: I lost my phone.

Mini: I'm her best friend.

Rich: Well, I'm sorry. I see you managed to fill the emptiness inside, though.

Mini: I wanted a f*ck. He's available.

Alo: Yeah. But you like me, right?

Mini: Long as you don't talk, yeah, it's all right. But this is a secret, right?

Alo: Min, I don't give a f*ck.

Rich: Why don't you just wipe yourself down and then piss off? That's my phone. Shut it. I, er... I need some closure here. Yeah, go on, then.

Grace: Rich?

Rich: Oh, thank Christ!

Grace: I tried to ring you.

Rich: I know. Er... when... When are you coming home, Grace? Because I really need you, OK?

Grace: Rich, I haven't got long. They're moving me again. Dad won't tell me where.

Rich: Your f*cking dad wants to split us up. Run away.

Grace: It's not that simple.

Rich: It is! Just run away and I'll...

Grace: He's my dad, Rich.

Rich: Meet you in Paris, OK?

Grace: I can't. sh*t, it's him.

Rich: No, wait, Grace! Oh, f*ck me. f*ck! f*cking hell. Ah! Ah! f*cking hell, yeah! Ah, f*ck! f*ck! Ah!

Rich: No!

Alo: See the acoustics in here, man?!

Rich: Oi!Get this out!

Alo: Why? This could be the gig of the century! Rich... Richard, you give me back my amp! Rich!

Rich: That's nice. That's really f*cking nice, isn't it?

Alo: Touch my kit, Rich, and you'll get this one down your throat and this one up your arse. Everything I do for you and you f*ck it back at me. I fetched your gear for you.

Rich: I don't want you to fetch my gear! I want you to fetch my girlfriend!

Alo: Don't you get it, man? If she wanted to be here, she would be here!

Rich: No!

Alo: She's dumped you, mate! All right, actually, no... she got her dad to do it for her. Maybe that is a bit p*ssy, but now we're going to party like it's 1999 and get the f*ck over it! Rich...

Rich: You f*ck off! No, you dildo. Get off!

Alo: What are you doing?

Rich: You two look so f*cking lame,

Alo: I'm giving it a sheen of responsibility.

Rich: Well, don't, all right?

Alo: Rich, get off!

Rich: You think being in this stupid band is going to help? Music doesn't solve anything!

Alo: Yes, it does.That's what you've told me all my life. This is the music revolution.

Rich: Music revolution! You are first against the wall, O'Malley!

Alo: I was trying to help you. I am always trying to help you.

Rich: Why bother?

Alo: Because I'm your mate.

Rich: Yeah? You sure you don't want to be in the band so Mini can let you look her in the eye when you suck her cock?

Alo: Can you just keep it down, yeah?

Rich: She still here?

Alo: Yeah. She doesn't want anyone to know.

Rich: Do you want to know why Mini doesn't want anyone to know? It's cos she'll f*ck anything and you're anything. You're a f*cking joke.

Alo: Mate... Oh, f*ck! Oh, mother fucker!

Rich: You know what? You give up poking Yoko Ono and we'll start the music revolution together. Me and you.

Alo: Don't ask me to do that, man. I might never see breasts like that again. I mean, they are magnificent. Rich! Not the axe, Rich. Rich, don't throw away the dream!

Rich: You d*ck.Take your piece of sh*t axe, your piece of sh*t amp and put it in your piece of sh*t van and f*ck off!

Liv: Let me get this straight... you broke in to your college principal's house, started living there and wearing his clothes?

Rich: Alo started it.

Liv: Jesus Christ! Why haven't you rung me?

Rich: Huh?

Liv: I've been going off my nut cos my best friend's been in a coma for four weeks and nobody could be arsed to ring me, tell me she woke up and left the f*cking country.

Rich: I thought Mini would have told you.

Liv: Mini knows about this?! What the f*ck... she can't pick up the phone?

Rich: Maybe her mouth's too full.

Liv: What?!

Rich: Nothing.

Liv: Everything's mental since f*cking Morocco. Can't we take her dad to court or something?

Rich: I don't think it works like that.

Liv: What the f*ck is wrong with you? I thought you were metal.

Rich: Yeah, I thought I was, too.

Liv: You're not the only one who misses her, you know? What the f*ck has happened to us all? Where are my friends?

Rich: I-I'll get you some biscuits. Oi, mate, can we get some biscuits here, please?

Liv: I do actually feel a little better. You said you'd meet her in Paris, right?

Rich: I didn't get round to where to meet. Her dad came in.

Liv: Ring the stupid clinic again.

Rich: They won't talk to us.

Liv: How hard can it be to find someone in Paris?

Rich: In the whole of Paris? Pretty hard.

Liv: Not sounding very metal again, Rich.

Franky: Liv.

Liv: Here she comes.Hi.

Franky: So, what's so important you couldn't tell me on the phone?

Liv: Grace woke up.

Franky: Oh! f*ck, um...Can we go see her?

Liv: How's your French?

Alo: Oh, mate, I'm going as fast as I can.

Rich: It's all right. You don't have to leave.

Alo: No, I think we really should leave.

Rich: Why?

Alo: According to Facebook, there's about 300 people coming here to watch us play tonight.

Rich: Cancel it.

Alo: See, the thing is, I might have said that there's an empty house in the middle of the countryside and the owners are away, so they're really gonna come and f*ck this place up. Good. I hope they burn it down.

Mini: Right, cock boy, I'm leaving... Oh... Hi.

Liv: What are you doing here?

Rich: You found them, then? Your... straighteners?

Mini: Yeah, yeah, I'm really gonna... straighten my hair tonight.

Liv: Mini, why didn't you tell us Grace was OK?

Mini: The signal's sh*t here... I just found out!

Rider: Yay!

Mini: Well that's... that's my ride.

Rider: So what's the happy haps? You guys just chillin'?

Mini: Shut up and drive me home,

Rider: Wrist Monkey. Gonna get my d*ck sucked tonight. Up top, Creevey! Stay fresh, yeah?

Liv: You're not going anywhere, Mins. We need to take a fiver off every idiot that comes here tonight, then we fill up this dump truck with Diesel and we go get our friend back OK?

Mini: What?

Liv: Nothing.

Alo: Come on, mate. It's Revolution Time. Anybody fucks up, I'll chew their balls off.

Rich: Mate, we need to, er...

Alo: Get a new drummer. Yeah!

Alo: Good evening, children of the Revolution!

Rich: This house... this f*cking house... belongs to someone who doesn't care as long as you're in your place. This house is a f*cking prison! It needs... It needs to be... Ripped the f*ck apart!

Rich: Grace! Grace! What?

Alo: Rich, just wait a second.

Rich: I can't. I'm wasting time.

Alo: You just made a mistake, it's all right.

Rich: She's got to be here!

Alo: Rich, she's not here. You're seeing things!

Rich: Nothing works without her, Alo, none of this!

Alo: We're gonna find her, mate. First thing tomorrow.

Rich: No, not tomorrow! I need her now! It f*cking hurts! It f*cking hurts so much.

Rich: Grace? Hello? Grace?!

Rich: Hey...

Grace: Hey.

Rich: I came to find you.

Grace: Yeah? After you trashed my house.

Rich: Sorry about that. It got out of hand.

Grace: Everything does, sooner or later.

Rich: Yeah. Where is he? Your dad?

Grace: I left him behind. He can't get past things.

Rich: Like?

Grace: Like I... probably love you. Rich... You've still got your clothes on.

Rich: Oh... we can... we can do that now?

Grace: We certainly can.

Rich: Everything's better. Here you are again.

Grace: Here I am again.

Rich: I love you... so much.

Rich: Grace?

Grace: I had to go.

Rich: Yeah. Why?

Grace: You know why, Rich.

Rich: No.Come back.

Grace: I can't.Isn't everything beautiful this morning? Everything is so beautiful.

Rich: I don't understand.

Grace: I love you, Rich.

Mr Blood: You f*cked my house up, I see.

Rich: Sorry. Where's Grace gone?

Mr Blood: I'm very sad to say... Actually, she d*ed yesterday afternoon.

Rich: I just spoke to her. I speak to her all the time.

Mr Blood: Me too. What else is there to do?

Rich: She never woke up, did she, from the accident?

Mr Blood: That's why we went to Switzerland. To see if they could wake her up. I just wanted to try it, you know?

Rich: So all this time, she was...?

Mr Blood: They said there was nobody left inside. I thought, what would she think of me for turning off the stupid machine thing? What would she think?

Rich: She'd have thought you're her dad, and that's what you're supposed to do. She loved me. And I...

Mr Blood: Yes. That's why I'm here.