01x05 - The Six Ungraspables

[bunniefuu]

[The Carter Family's

Wildwood Flower]

♪ oh I'll twine with my mingles and waving black hair ♪
♪ with the roses so red and the lilies so fair ♪
♪ and the myrtle so bright with the emerald dew ♪
♪ the pale and the leader and eyes look like blue ♪
♪ ♪

[Muzak version of Wildwood Flower]

♪ ♪

Um, why "Irregular"?

Well, they put a ladies' sock in with the gents'.

Which one's which?

It's unclear.

Ah.

Eh, I'll roll the dice.

Uh, how much?

You tell me.

Say again?

The sign says "Best Offer."

What are you offering?

Well, I mean, uh...

Eh, what's fair?

Well, that's not for me to say.

It's three pairs of socks, half of them ladies'.

Probably not a million dollars.

Uh...

[Chuckles]

Right.

Well, I don't want to take advantage.

2 bucks.

Or if that's, uh...

3 bucks?

5.

Tell you what, you give me $55, I'll give you the socks... and throw in this 12-Gauge.

Thought you were getting socks.

In the bag.

What the heck are you gonna do with that?

It's for protection.

Just be careful you don't blow your own face off.

Not loaded, is it?

Well, if anyone could sh**t theirselves in the face with an unloaded firearm, it's you.

[Light orchestration]

♪ ♪

[Washing machine starts thumping]

[Shotgun clatters]

(Pearl)

Lester!

Yeah!

I...

[Grunts]

Ahh...

[Washing machine continues thumping]

[Phone line trills]

(Malvo)

Yeah?

(Lester)

My wife... she's in the basement, dead.

And, uh, I'm freaking out here.

I don't know what to do.

(Malvo) Lester, have you been a bad boy?

(Lester)

Ah! Jeez. Yeah.

Can you come over?

What did you do?

[Breathing heavily]

You k*lled her.

[Suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[Door opens]

(Vern)

Evening, Lester.

(Lester)

What... what do you want?

(Vern) Well, I suppose first, I'd like to come in.

Is Pearl home?

(Lester) Ah, no, no, she's at my brother's.

(Vern) Lester, listen to me very carefully.

I need you to get down on the ground.

(Lester) Okay, now, wait... wait just a second.

(Vern)

Lester, on the ground.

(Lester) This is not what it looks like.

Look, I'm sorry... about... electrocuting you. I was just... This is obviously...... a misunderstanding. 'Cause like... like I said, I'm just an insurance salesman.

Now, that is not... I got noth...

The stuff that you're mixed up in..

Not... not that you're..

I'm just say... Well...

So you... you see?

[Clears throat]

You said "Him."

What?

On the ice... you said "Him."

You said it was him.

Not you.

Him.

Mm, yeah.

[Chuckles]

Well... well, I'm... I'm just guessing here, but, uh, well, that Hess was not head-stabbed by a girl.

No, no.

No, no.

No, you said it like you had a face in mind.

Uh-uh.

No, wait.

[Screaming]

[Muffled screaming]

Uh...

Stay with me.

Lester.

Oh, God, please. Please.

Stay with me.

I need a name.

Uh... huh.

I need a name.

Again.

No, wait! Please!

Wait.

[Whispers]

God.

[Sighs]

Lester.

No!

Malvo! Malvo.

Malvo?

Is that a first name?

[Softly]

Gaahh...

[Sighs]

Lester.

Hmm?

Eventually you just swallow your tongue and you die like a fish.

Lorne, I think.

It's Lorne, like the fella from Bonanza.

Lorne Malvo?

Where is he?

I'm gonna throw up.

No. No, you're not.

If you puke in here, I'll k*ll you.

I mean, I'll actually k*ll you, okay?

Okay.

Lester.

Mm-hmm.

I need a location.

Okay...

[Grunts] He took... he took my car.

They called me, told me it was impounded in Duluth.

So he's probably...

I got a picture...

There's a picture of him.

Picture of him up here.

Law enforcement, he had it.

It's from the... what do you call it? An APB. So...

[Clicks tongue]

What?

Lorne Malvo?

Yeah?

Mm. [Buzzer]

He k*lled him.

He k*lled Hess.

I-I mean...

(Knutson)

Okay.

You two are free to go.

Bail's been paid.

[Sighs]

Oh, God.

What if we wanna stay?

(Knutson)

Pardon?

I don't know, I mean, what if we like it here?

[Chuckles] Yeah.

That's a good one. On your feet.

You have any doubt we can find you?

No.

Hey, buddy, you might wanna have a doctor look at that hand, though.

Looks like it smarts.

[Buzzer]

[Retches]

(Male announcer on TV) Are some of the largest snakes found in the world.

(Man #1) Any members of that python family are ambush predators.

They remain motionless before they strike.

(Woman) It's not common for them to att*ck humans unless, of course, they're starving.

(Male announcer) Now, advancements in the technological arena allow us to examine their existence in the Everglades.

(Man #1) Oh, look ahead, there, there...

No way around it.

I said, "More sand."

Back then?

Yeah. Wild goose chase.

Salt's okay.

Hang on. Frank calling.

Well, Chief, there've been some interesting developments while you were...

Chief, Frank on the line.

New storm data.

Yeah, Frank, what you got then?

This case is, uh, really... it's heating up.

That much, huh? Jeez.

Saying 2 feet new accumulation.

[Clicks tongue]

So, uh, we got the phone dump back from Lester's from the night of the murders.

Okay, thanks much.

You too.

Call Hoenecker with State, see if we can get some more plows, and, uh, make sure they're plowing the Chief's drive every few hours.

Can't have Ida going into labor under a snowbound scenario.

[Clicks tongue]

Okay. Yah.

Now, what's all this?

I was saying we got the phone dump back.

And right around the time Pearl d*ed, an outgoing call was placed from Lester's to Leroy's Motor Inn, so I made a call.

No one asked you to...

I know, but you were in Duluth, so I figured...

Left Knutson in charge.

Right.

So I made a call, and get this.

Lorraine, the manager...

Lorraine Abbey.

Yeah. Yah.

Uh, no, sir, Lorraine Babbit.

Curly hair, looks like she dries her eyebrows on with a sharpie.

No, sir, this is a severe woman with hard hair.

Anyway, she IDs a photo of the suspect from the naked fella kidnapping.

Says he stayed one night, that being the night Hess was k*lled.

She got a name for him too.

Lorne Malvo.

And you found this how?

Like I said,... call was placed from Lester's house to the motel where the suspect was staying.

So I talk to housekeeping, and they say this Malvo fella left behind some tokens from The Lucky Penny.

(Cindy) They wanna know how many plows.

At least three, don't ya think?

At least three.

Yeah, he says he can give you two good ones and a pickup with baby plow.

Sir.

Yeah, I'm listening.

Okay, good.

So I go and talk to the lady that Hess was with, the dancer, right?

And she says that before he was stabbed... - Hold on.

...Hess was laughing about this fella that he bullied.

Broke the poor guy's nose, she said.

The same day.

Chief, is that a yes on the baby plow?

So right away I'm thinking, who do we know who got his nose br... the day Hess d*ed?

No.

Lester.

Wait.

Chief.

So you see, Hess breaks Lester's nose.

Lester goes to the Emergency Room, where he meets our suspect.

That night, Hess gets k*lled.

The next day, Lester places a call to the motel where our suspect is staying, and shortly thereafter or abouts, Mrs. Nygaard and the Chief are m*rder*d.

Chief.

Yeah. Tell him I'll call him back.

[Sighs]

He's gotta call ya back.

Son of a bitch.

Yes, sir.

So I'm thinking maybe this is a m*rder-for-hire type deal, right?

Where Lester hires this Malvo fella to k*ll Hess, only maybe Lester don't got the money to pay, so things get sour.

Listen, I know it's not my case, but I'd like your permission to go back to Lester's house and see what he has to say.

Not at his house.

Okay.

His work then.

No, I'm saying he's not at his house.

He's in a holding cell.

Knutson says Lester took a swing at him.

I'm not sure if he was drunk or what.

He's in custody?

I told Dougie to keep him overnight.

You know, let him sleep it off.

Well...

I mean, we gotta talk to him, don't ya think?

I guess we'd better.

[Wind rushing]

[Knock at door]

I need to use your computer.

Yeah.

[Grunts]

It's on the front.

Uh, computers at the precinct have it on the back.

Here, let me.

[Tone]

What do ya need?

There's a pastor up in Baudette, name of Frank Peterson.

A few hits.

A church website, um, some stuff from the local paper.

There anything with a picture?

[Mouse clicks]

(Gus)

Uffda.

(Greta)

What's this for?

A case.

You said there were other news stories.

(Greta)

Nothing with a picture.

Church fundraiser.

Um, new roof.

That kind of thing.

Check for, uh, uh, Lorne Malvo.

C-could you check, uh...

Nothing.

Okay.

[Inhales]

He steals a car, I pull him over, he drives away, car's impounded, and he stays in Duluth.

He stays in Duluth.

I stop him on the street.

On that street.

On foot.

He was on that street on foot.

(Boy on walkie-talkie)

Come in, Greta. Over.

(Gus) Why was he on that street on foot?

Dad?

Do you wanna...

(Boy) - Greta. Come in, Greta.

Oh, yeah, right.

Okay. It's almost bedtime.

And, hey, I may go out for a bit.

(Greta) Okay. Come in. Over.

Back for more, huh?

I need a police scanner.

Got a special on remote control helicopters.

Can you monitor police activity on it?

Doubt it.

I'll just stick with the scanner.

Okay.

I got handheld or dashboard mountable.

Oh, also... got this one in pink.

Do I look like I want a pink police scanner?

I don't know.

Could be a gift for a lady.

And in your experience, uh, police scanners?

Is that a gift ladies get wet for?

Had an aunt once, owned a riot shield.

Made her own jerky.

I'll just stick with the black.

'Kay.

Anything else?

Yeah, I need a walkie-talkie.

Yeah...

'fraid I can't just sell you one, stretch.

See, they come in pairs.

You know, so you can chat with a friend.

I don't have any friends.

That's a sad story.

I still gotta sell ya two.

Hey, maybe you could make a friend and give it to him.

Maybe I could give it to you.

Call ya up late at night.

And you could listen to me sh*t on people.

[Doorbell rings]

[Whistling]

Oh.

Where's your phone?

What are you...

Are you supposed to be here?

The phone.

Yeah.

In the... in the kitchen.

Uh...

[Door closes]

What's going on?

What's that?

Don't talk.

[Exhales]

[Dial tone]

Are you calling him?

I said don't talk.

[Dialing]

This is exciting.

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

[Phone rings]

(Semenchko)

Yeah?

(Malvo)

Let me talk to him.

[Opera music playing]

♪ ♪

Where were you?

I was hunting.

I heard about the bugs.

You need me to swing by?

It's too late now.

I'm... I'm gonna pay.

The blackmail.

I'm gonna pay it.

Tell me what you said.

It doesn't matter now.

I broke a promise.

Me. So I gotta pay.

Look, I can find the guy, I just need a few more days.

I couldn't sleep last night.

I kept going over and over it in my head.

And God brought ten plagues upon the house of Pharaoh.

Blood and locust, flies and boils.

And the last is the death of the Firstborn Son.

What exactly do you think is happening?

The Firstborn Son.

It's book of Exodus.

God is watching and He knows.

Knows what?

I told Semenchko to take Dmitri someplace safe till this all blows over.

He thinks I'm crazy.

You think I'm crazy?

We're only as good as the promises we keep.

Pick me up in an hour.

We'll get the money.

All right.

[Dial tone]

So?

He's gonna pay?

Mm-hmm.

I ca...

A million dollars?

[Laughs]

A milli...

Aw, are you kidding me?

[Shrill chortling]

Do you have a closet that locks?

Yeah.

Yeah, the pantry locks, I think.

Oh, my God.

A million do...

Hey, uh, how big is that?

A million dollars?

Does it fit into a suitcase?

Or like... like, a sack or something?

It's gotta be... it's gotta be pretty heavy, right?

Hey, can I... can I lay in it?

You know, I always liked that part of movies where the characters, they just lay in a big pile...

You got a drill?

Yeah.

Oh, and then they always... they always take the money and they just, like, throw it up in the air.

And the money just...

[Whistles]

Just, like, flutters down on top of 'em, you know.

Why, God damn, we're doing this.

We're really...

I got goose bumps.

Wood screws.

Uh, yeah.

I'm gonna buy real marble for the spa.

6 inches thick.

I got these, uh...

I got these

French lotions on hold.

They smell like sunflowers.

[Chuckles]

Uh, these?

Longer.

Okay.

So what are we... what are we do... just, like, call him in the morning, you know, tell him where to... tell him where to meet us?

Or... I don't know. These?

Yeah. Give me a few.

Look at me, I'm sweating.

[Chuckles]

Here. Oh, man.

Hey, do I get to...

use that voice thing again?

You know, the Darth Vader... super sinister, like, "Luke, I am your father"?

Please step in.

Sure.

[Sighs]

Hey, you know, I, uh...

I never even asked ya.

What are ya gonna do with your share of the money?

I mean, I told ya about...

[Drill whirring]my, uh...

[Knob clicks]

Uh, yeah, my, uh...

Did you mean to lock me in here?

We got a big day tomorrow.

Get some rest.

I don't want you getting cold feet.

I'll see you in the morning.

No. No, no, wait, hold on, now.

Heck.

I'm... What am I supposed to...

What... what if I gotta go to the toilet?

You're a smart guy.

You'll figure something out.

(Don) Poop.

[Sinister orchestration]

♪ ♪

Abnormal, it's... it's just slow now at the shop.

Lester?

It's not my fault.

No, you... you bought me the tie.

And you...

[Snorts]

[Siren wails]

Is it a cut, or what is it?

Puncture, maybe.

Hard to tell with all the gore.

Mr. Nygaard, can you hear me?

[Groans] That's the towel sound.

She's washing towels.

Mr. Nygaard, we're getting you to the hospital.

Ooh.

What happened to your hand?

Socks.

What about socks?

For 50-- $55, he threw in the shotgun.

I don't understand.

Were you sh*t?

Mr. Nygaard.

Did you pay Lorne Malvo to k*ll Sam Hess?

I never paid him.

Okay, offered to pay then?

Made a deal, and then when he came for the money...

I never paid.

I didn't pay.

Yeah, okay, but... arrangements were made, and then, I don't know, you tell me.

Things went south?

(Winstanley)

'Scuse us, miss.

[Lester groans]

[Rescue radio chatter]

[Knock on window]

(Man) Is that what you're looking for then?

[Engine starts]

[Sighs]

Two kids.

I'm sorry?

I got two kids and a wife who thinks out loud.

This is the time I get.

Accidental for me.

Troubled mind.

I'll come to you.

The winters are cold.

But I can't complain.

[Chuckles]

My socks have holes.

But again, do I complain?

I do not.

The oldest needs braces.

The youngest once sneezed for three days straight.

But who could complain?

They're gifts.

Children?

All of it.

The cold, the holes.

Hey, so I-I have a question.

Spiritually, I mean.

Or not spiritually, but I don't know, of a... of, like, an ethical nature.

Please.

Well...

[Sighs]

Let's say I know a person is guilty who's committed a crime, only, you know, I-I can't prove it.

Like he has everyone else fooled, but... but I know.

What am I sup...

Find the proof.

Yeah, okay, but here's the thing.

I'm no detective.

I mean, Molly, she's... amazing, but I just...

And then there's Greta, you know, and, and... am I supposed to put myself in danger, or do I just...

I don't know, just... let it go?

A rich man opens the paper one day.

He sees the world is full of misery.

Is this a, uh...

It's a parable.

A rich man opens the paper one day.

He sees the world is full of misery.

He says, "I have money.

I can help."

[Applause] _

So he gives away all of his money.

[Applause]

But it's not enough.

The people are still suffering.

One day, the man sees another article.

He decides he was foolish to think just giving money was enough.

So he goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I want to donate a kidney."

The doctors do the surgery.

It's a complete success.

After, he knows he should feel good, but he doesn't, for people are still suffering.

So he goes back to the doctor.

He says, "Doctor, this time I want to give it all."

The doctor says, "What does that mean, 'Give it all'?"

He says, "This time I want to donate my liver.

But not just my liver.

I want to donate my heart,... but not just my heart.

I want to donate my corneas, but not just my corneas.

I want to give it all away.

Everything I am.

All that I have."

The doctor says, "A kidney is one thing, but you can't give away your whole body piece by piece.

That's su1c1de."

And he sends the man home.

But the man cannot live knowing that the people are suffering and he could help.

So he gives the one thing he has left.

His life.

(Gus) And does it work?

Does it stop the suffering?

You live in the world.

What do you think?

So he k*lled himself for nothing?

Did he?

Well, I mean...

[Sighs]

You're saying...

[Chuckles]

What are you saying?

Only a fool thinks he can solve the world's problems.

Yeah, but you gotta try, don't ya?

[Sighs]

[Somber orchestration]

Nope.

♪ ♪

(Stavros)

Keep it running.

[Knock at door]

Say, dad, I was talking to the, uh, bug guy.

He's saying this is all real odd.

The crickets... he's saying they're not local, ya know?

Not from around here.

He's saying they're the kind you buy at a pet store to feed your lizard or...

God sent them.

[Chuckles]

Yeah. But, well...

So...

So I called around to all the pet stores, and wouldn't ya know--

Look, kid, I don't have time for this now.

Just clean it up.

Then pack your sh*t, okay?

Wally is coming to take you to the cabin.

Yeah, but, dad...

No buts!

Just do it!

[Beeping]

[Mechanism creaks, stops]

'Scuse me.

(Dr. Nesbit)

Hey, there, Molly.

Hey, uh, Lester okay?

Well, he's had a bad week, that's for sure. - Yeah.

What's this, his third time in?

Yeah.

On the plus side, the nose is healing nicely.

Well, that's a start.

Yeah.

So, uh, um, listen, about that hand.

Oh, real mess there.

Super infected.

Nasty stuff.

I drained the wound, removed the foreign object, cut away the necrotic tissue, and filled him full of IV antibiotics.

He won't lose the hand, but it came close.

Yeah. Now, when you say, uh, "foreign object"?

Shotgun pellet, looked like.

Had some fabric attached to it.

It's possible the pellet passed through something before getting into Lester's hand.

Yeah, or someone.

Pardon?

Can I talk to him?

Well, he's sedated now on account of he was septic when you brought him in.

So like I said, real nasty stuff.

Right, yeah, yeah.

Be a while before he can answer any questions.

Hey, you seen Ida?

Wait, is she here?

Yeah, upstairs.

Just had the baby.

Holy smokes.

Yeah.

Girl or boy?

Bernadette, I heard.

Oh...

So... girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

[Chuckles]

(Woman on intercom)

Dr. Nesbit, call 1-1-8.

Excuse me.

All right.

[Somber orchestration]

♪ ♪

[Door closes]

[Breathes deeply]

[Rattling]

It was the Romans, wasn't it?

Huh?

What are you saying?

Saint Lawrence, your window.

The Romans b*rned him alive.

They did.

You know why?

'Cause he was Christian.

Maybe.

But I think it was because the Romans were raised by wolves.

Greatest empire in human history, founded by wolves.

You know what wolves do.

They hunt.

They k*ll.

It's why I never bought into The Jungle Book.

Boy's raised by wolves and becomes friends with a bear and a panther.

I don't think so.

[Chuckles] I knew a guy once, had a 110-pound rottweiler.

And one night this girl thought it'd be funny to get down on all fours and let the dog hump her.

[Chuckles]

Dog still had its balls.

Well, the dog gets up there, but he's not in on the joke.

This is just a bitch in heat as far as he's concerned.

And he's not leaving till he gets what he came for.

Well, the girl, too late, realizes the kind of mistake she's made,... she wants to get up.

But the dog had other ideas.

Had to sh**t it behind the ear to get it off of her.

I don't, uh... I don't...

Well, I'm saying that... the Romans raised by wolves, they see a guy turning water into wine, what do they do?

They eat him.

'Cause there are no saints in the animal kingdom.

Only breakfast and dinner.

[Dramatic orchestration]

♪ ♪

So what time do you want me to pick you up in the morning?

Nah. We're done.

You can stay the night, but you gotta hit the road come dawn.

Here's what I owe ya.

Sorry it didn't work out.

[Light orchestration]

♪ ♪

[Cell phone rings]

Grimly.

(Molly)

Hey, ya. It's Molly.

Oh, yeah. How ya doing, there?

Pretty good. How things going with you?

Oh, not bad. Just trying to figure this thing out.

Yeah, so I was wondering.

With this fella I arrested, how come he was there, ya know, on the street?

On that street,

I mean, if he is our guy, and not, you know, some pastor, actually.

(Molly)

So what'd you come up with?

Well, see, I'm not sure what I'm looking for is the problem.

Plus, you know, it's dark out, so maybe go back out tomorrow.

Oh.

I was thinking I might drive out in the morning, take a look at Lester's car.

Thought maybe... after we could get together?

You know, compare notes on this thing.

Sure. That'd be...

Ah, I'd like that.

Okay, so tomorrow then.

Okay.

[Radio chatter on police scanner]

[Chatter continues]

[Click]

[Static, scanning frequencies]

(Boy on walkie-talkie)

What'd ya get for number three?

(Greta on walkie-talkie)

Uh, X squared.

What'd ya get for four?

(Boy)

A rhombus.

[Click]

[Footsteps crunching on snow]

[Knocks on window]

Help you?

You're not supposed to be here.

Oh, no, pretty sure I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

[Window squeaking]

[Window lowers]

Hi.

Neighborhood watch.

If you don't move, I'm gonna have to call the cops.

Well, friend, there's no need for that.

This is a nice neighborhood.

Children play in the streets.

My children.

We have block parties, fruit punch.

We don't need a man in a dark car doing things.

You mean like sitting?

Don't be a nudnik.

This is a community.

People watch each other's backs.

Someone gets sick, someone dies, you bring a casserole, help.

Maybe I'm here to help.

No, you have black eyes.

You're trouble.

I'm going inside, and I'm calling the cops.

Which building?

The one with the Jew bus outside?

There it is.

Now the truth comes out.

You know, some people think you don't need alarms on second-story windows.

Think they can save a few bucks, you know, and still be safe.

Another way they save money is they don't hook up the alarm to the phone line.

So the bell rings, but the cops don't come.

Or they come, but only after the neighbors call.

Which, um, if this community's tight, as you say, you know... just might be quick enough to save your life... or your children's lives.

Maybe.

Se'irim.

You're a nice guy.

[Window squeaks]

[Dramatic orchestration]

♪ ♪

[Gate hinges squeak]

[Men chattering]

How come we're all in the hall then?

Ida kicked us out. Said we were being too loud.

Ah.

[Chuckles]

Well, she did just have a baby, so...

Yeah, we all agreed it was a good point.

[Laughter]

So you're being loud in the hall instead.

All right, boys, let's, uh, pack it up.

Call 'er a night.

[Laughter, chatter]

You're goin' away?

I gotta protect the baby here.

[Chatter continues]

You were making too much noise.

[Whispers]

Sorry. You sleeping?

Well, that's a baby, all right.

Smell her.

Okay.

That's what a new one smells like.

How you holding up?

Me? You're the one just had a baby.

Yeah, but I get to lie down now.

[Chuckles]

Yeah.

I just look tired.

Inside I'm raring to go.

[Chuckles]

[Baby coos]

So...

How much do you...

I don't need details.

Just tell me you're taking care of it.

I'm trying, yeah.

[Baby fusses]

Do you want me to stay the night?

I could sleep in the chair.

Nah. I got people coming.

My sister and her daughter.

Be around 11:00, she said.

They said, uh, Bernadette.

Vern's idea.

His mother's name.

I wanted Ally.

And now he's dead.

That man always knew how to win an argument.

[Laughs]

I think it's pretty, so...

Good, 'cause you're the babysitter.

[Chuckles]

Oh...

Now go home.

Let me sleep.

You do the same.

You look like a raccoon.

Yeah.

I gotta go to Duluth in the AM, but I'll stop by after, yeah?

Hmm.

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