01x07 - Arachnofaebia

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lost Girl". Aired September 12, 2010 – October 25, 2015.*
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"Lost Girl" focuses on the gorgeous and charismatic Bo, a supernatural being called a succubus who feeds on the energy of humans, sometimes with fatal results. Refusing to embrace her supernatural clan system and its rigid hierarchy, Bo is a renegade who takes up the fight for the underdog while searching for the truth about her own mysterious origins.
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01x07 - Arachnofaebia

Post by bunniefuu »

So, Pizza Pete, how is the day job?

Soul-sucking.

Though, I do have an audition tomorrow.

Power tools commercial.

You will nail it.

Do you see what I did there?

Hi.

Hey.

Is this guy up in your grill?

Oh, not yet, but the night is still very young.

Less blah, more 'za.

(Sighs)

And, uh, next time, think "double cheese," Phil.

It's Pete.

Whatever.

And I love you.

Mm-hmm. Bye.

(Door closes)



What?

(Mouth full) I was getting my flirt on.

With the delivery dude?

He is an actor.

(Mouth full) Oh, great.

Okay, and I'm pretty sure his crust is double-stuffed, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, I wish I didn't.

It's so easy for you.

Why?

I wish I had man slaves who did whatever I want.

Well, some things are easy for you, like confusing the table with the sink and the laundry hamper. (Utensil clatters)

I'm not the one that leaves weapons around.

Okay?

Were you planning to chop some wood?

That is for protection... our protection.

Well, consider this our laundry.


You know what?

This is our first fight... our first real fight.

Mazel tov?

It's like we're real-life sisters.

(Chuckles)

For walking viagra, you're such a nerd.

Well, not to belabor the point, but I did find rat droppings this morning.

Okay, maybe I will take away these dishes, but not because you told me to, scary dish n*zi.

Hey, I'm picky, not psychotic.

Family is always psychotic.

(Dishes rattle)

(Woman) Five minutes until our show starts!

Oh, Martha, Martha.

You think after 60 years, that you would have learned how to lock the front door.

Haven't you been reading the papers?

It will break mother's heart if she finds out what's really happening in the neighbourhood... thieves, rapists, hiding in every corner.

But they can't get us.

(Opens drawer)

When they come... (Clatter) we'll be ready.

Oh. There you are.

Are you ready for the "spin, win, grin"?

After 60 years, I'm ready for you to shut the hell up.

Ohh! (Grunting)

(Moaning)

(Hisses)

(Bo) Life is hard when you don't know who you are.

It's harder when you don't know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years, searching while hiding... only to find that I belonged to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live the life I choose.


You're meeting Lauren for drinks later.

Right.

So you don't have to come with me.

Sure.

It's just business, a little side venture.

Okay.

Have you seen my dream catcher?

No, my big one.

Oh. (Chuckles) I am so coming for this, whatever this is.

Just be cool.

Okay?

Well, one of us has to be.

(Imitating European accent) Namaste.

You must be Cheryl Fields.

My friend Bonnie raved about the smudging that you did at that former co-op.

Thank you for doing this on such short notice.

My time is fluid.

(Sniffs) All time is, really.

(Door closes) Mm. The heirs insist on a complete cleansing before I officially put it on the market.

Well, the place sure needs it.

What happened here anyway?

A messy incident about a week ago.

Do not mind my assistant.

She is very intuitive but has the tact of a grizzly bear.

Of course, Shaman... Czigany.

(Whispers) Shaman?

(Whispers) Please do shut up and light the sage stick.

Do not worry.

We will cleanse this place of all residual evil forces.

God bless you.

Goddess bless us all.

(Breathes heavily)

Oh.

(Inhales deeply)

Ahh!

(Speaking foreign language)

(Gasps)

(Babbling indistinctly)

Thank you.

"Sweet couple of spinsters,"

"lifetime together in the family home,"

"unfortunate tragedy."

This is typical neighbour speak for "the bloodbath next door tanked our property values."

I thought I was the cynic.

What do you want me to say?

Granny snapped, stitch 'n' bitched her own sister.

It's an open-and-shut m*rder-su1c1de.

It's the fourth one in three months, Hale.

So what, m*rder-su1c1de is contagious now?

If the dark fae is involved, yeah.

What dark fae?

I've never heard of anything that can do this.

That's why I want to keep canvassing the neighbourhood, you know?

See if anybody saw anything unusual.

Like a bright yellow succ-mobile, maybe?

Look at that. Parked right in front of casa de m*ssacre.

It's like this girl is addicted to trouble.

(Continues speaking foreign language)

(Gasping)

To the west, our best. To the east, be released.

To the South, to the north, all spirits, go forth!

(Pants)

(Inhales deeply)

(Gasps)

(Gasps)

Oh.

Are you okay?

Oh. I am so sorry.

Oh, it just takes so much out of me.

Thank you, sequoia.

No, no. Thank you.

The dwelling has been cleansed.

There will be no more darkness here.

Oh, so I can list it with a guilt-free conscience.

Good thing.

The neighbourhood prices are skyrocketing. (Chuckles)

So are my commissions.

Yes, of course.

Um, cash?

Yes, please.

Thank you.

(Bo) Thanks.

(Kenzi, normal voice)

Uh-oh. Don't look now.

(Southern drawl) I smell bacon. (Chuckles)

(Wolf whistles) You know, you don't have to keep following me around.

There's these things called cell phones.

Hey, this is my crime scene.

Once they go wolf...

Oh, please.

Hi, Nana. Nice babushka.

You running some new gypsy con?

I'm an innocent entrepreneur...

Ha!

Who will cut you in at 5%.

As you were.

Yeah!

So what happened here?

If I tell you, will you agree to help me?

You asking me for help? (Laughs)

Relax. It's not a marriage proposal.

I already sent out the invites.

Meet me at The Dal?

Maybe.

68 years old, and she kills her sister?

Sounds like dark fae to me.

Yeah, maybe. Hale thinks I'm nuts.

Truth is, humans sometimes just k*ll each other, you know?

Take away their flat screens and their minivans... they're just still barbarians.

So why are you investigating?

There's been a series of m*rder-suicides, all within confined households, all within this 5-mile radius.

Freaky. So what can I do?

Keep your ear to the ground, maybe, uh, ask some of your dark fae contacts.

Ah. See? I told you that being unaligned would have its privileges.

Look, whatever this thing is, it's gonna be big, and it's gonna be powerful.

Well, all that was in that house is dust.

Dust and cobwebs.

Hey, stranger.

Hey.

Am I late or early?

No. Uh, we, um, we had plans.

Oh, yeah? Doctor-patient stuff?

Just being social.

Were you leaving?

What and miss this?

Great.

(Whispers) Great.

(Normal voice) Um, well, why don't we... why don't we all hang out for a bit. Okay?

Scooch over, Dyson.

I don't scooch.

Come on. You're part wolf. (Chuckles)

I'm sure we can find him a carpet or something.

(Chuckles)

Yeah.

So...

Mm.

We've never done this before, huh?

Hmm.

Just the three of us. (Chuckles)

Like a threesome.

Mm.

Not that I've thought about it that way or anything, but...

Wow.

I love me some Bo, but she's gotta end the juggling act.

I just wish we had some popcorn.

Being a good person means...

She's not a person.


(Imitates Jamaican accent)

She's a mystical panty remover.

Means not being oblivious to other peeps' feelings.

You feel me? (Normal voice)

Like her B.F.F.'s jealousy?

Exactly.

Wait. What?

Look, you don't have to fake it with me.

I know what it's like hanging with an Alpha dog, okay?

Still, I do all right.

Lots of loose leftover lovelies for the H-b*mb.

You're officially the most disgusting man alive. Wow!

What? Girl, get a sense of humor, por favor.

Ow!

(Inhales sharply) Ow!

God, I think something bit me.

Ow!



Well, yeah, that will happen... when you carry a damn arsenal in your purse, girl.

Oh, nice.

Hey, relax. It's just a scratch.

It's not that.

You're just giving me a... headache.

Surprised to see you here, Dyson, since you can't seem to return my phone calls.

Well, I've always got time for a beer.

Just don't much like being poked and prodded.

Come on now. It's just a physical.

I haven't had a sick day since before you were born.

The Ash requires it.

Well, then he can call me himself.

We're on the same side, Dyson.

No, you're a human that works for my side.

(Chuckles) Now I really think that we should just do all these sh*ts. Okay?

Here. Lauren. Dyson. Good.

My work is the will of The Ash. Are you questioning that?

Are you questioning my fealty?

You know what? I'm not even really sure what that is, but I am pretty sure she was not questioning it.

I can speak for myself.

When The Ash lets you.

Okay.

Thanks for the, um... fun.

Yeah.

Do you always have to be you?

(Slams down glass)

Pip, pip, my khaki-loving kids!

Did you know that "safari" means "long journey" in Swahili?


I did not.

Who knows who we will see on our safari?

Maybe... an elephant.


"Dear K., your turn to fold. Love, Bo."

... Animal.

Aah!

(Gasps)

Well, let me know if you do hear anything, Siegfried.

Yeah. No, I know, sometimes humans just k*ll each other.

(Beep) What was that about?

Helping Dyson with a case. (Can fizzes)

More "Jungle Jeeves"? Really?

It's my happy place.

Nobody can stop him... not lions, tigers, or bears. Oh, my!

I'd do him.

Whoopsie.

So did you pick a lovah, or did Dr. freeze and canine crotch fight to death?

You know, I don't get it. Dyson is the one that gave me the green light to see other people, and then Lauren shows up, and he gets all testy.

Uh, because he has testes.

Dudes tend to get irrationally territorial.

It's a ball thing.

Oh, I knew it meant nothing.

God, I have to stop waiting for that guy to become emotionally available.

Don't give up yet.

His eyes say "no," but his inner wolf says... (Howls) Yes.

And Lauren?

She's human. I could k*ll her.

Thought she fixed your hungry honey-pot.

Yeah, a hell of a test run with someone that I care about.

Poor Bo.

So many choices, just one vage.

(Chuckles)

It is just good to be home.

Now fold.

... Strong, dominant male in the pride with a great, big, bushy mane.

(Squishing)

(Shower running)

(Screeches)

"A natural source of minerals and vitamins."

So no Vicodin.

(Indistinct ghostly whispering)

Bo?

(Gasps)

Are you gonna clean this mess up?

Ohh. (Grunts)

Ohh, I must've had more to drink last night than I thought.

My head is throbbing.

Mine, too.

(Whispering continues)

Do you hear that?

What?

I don't know.

It sounds like... like whispering kids or giggling elves.

Did you bring home elves last night?

I'm not judging. I just want to know.

All I hear is somebody who will not chew with her mouth shut.

Ohh. I'm sorry, Kenz. I'm sorry.

I just... I feel so ugh.

Might be worth a visit to Lauren.

Oh, yeah, right.

After last night, it would not be wise.

Well, neither are toastie bun buns, but lookee me.

Ahh.

Well... physically you're fine.

But emotionally I'm a level ten harpy.

(Object slams)

Is she...

Of the Boston harpies.

Great.

The headaches, the tiredness, the short temper... you can chalk that up to the injections.

Well, did you change up the formula?

Well, I'm always tinkering with it, trying to provide the most effective treatment.

It's more of an art than a science, and you have a unique set of hormones.

Yeah, well, when my hormones flare up, I usually go horny, not horrid.

Although... (Sighs) last night I guess I was kind of insensitive.

So Dyson... (Sighs) what is that?

Doc, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

My head is pounding harder than a sailor on shore leave.

(Sighs)

Your photo-sensitivity looks heightened.

You could be fighting off a flu.

(Ghostly whispering)

(Pants)


Oh, wow.

Med school... worth every dime. (Sighs)

Well, the only other thing I can think of is that there's something in your environment that's making both of you sick...

Mold? Asbestos?

Maybe a butt-load of food-encrusted dishes lying around the house.

You ready to rumble?

No. You go ahead.

I've gotta go help Dyson with a case.

Okay.

Scott Abbot was Danielle Swift's cousin.

He's the one who found the body.

Fran de Rossa was the Swifts' nanny.

Great. Well, what about our old biddy butcher?

Martha Cage went to church with Joy de Rossa.

Ah, nice.

They are all connected... the vics and the perps.

They all knew each other, however tenuously.

I had to pull some strings, but I got the evidence boxes from the other jurisdictions for the first two killings.

This case is making me nuts.

Speakin' of yo' nuts... succubus... 10:00.

Can I talk to you for a second, uh, privately?

Uh, sure.

This is private-ish.

I, uh, I grilled my dark fae contacts...

Siegfried, Bobby D., that merman with the eczema.

No one seems to know anything about your m*rder-suicides, but still, I... I put together a list of possible leads.

Thank you.

Now I need for you to do something for me.

Can you run a background check on Kenzi?

What? Why?

She's acting strange and... and mean.

I feel like she's gonna do something against me.

Why not just k*ll her?

What?

I said, "since when don't you trust Kenzi?"

Oh. (Laughs)

Oh. Yeah. No, you're probably right.

I mean, she's already a thief.

What's a background check gonna tell me, right?

Are you okay, Bo?

I'm fine. I'm just twitchy, and I'm itchy, and... but, um, I hope you find whatever this is.

Bye.

If you're done dancing over there, you should come witness.

Unless this is Peter Parker's shirt, we got a problem, man.

You know, Bo said that the cage house was full of cobwebs, too.

Oh, the Abbots' house.

There was a ton over there, too.

What? I just thought they had nasty hygiene.

Gotta take this to the fae lab, so pack it up.

(Beeps)

An arachnid could never spin this.

The webbing is astonishingly intricate and 800% stronger than silk.

So it is fae?

My money's on something old and unpleasant, but I'll need time to do the cell analysis.

Meantime... you've dodged my calls long enough.

Time for a little quid pro quo.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Sit.

Reflexes excellent.

And your police bosses have you in therapy because...

That's personal.

Nothing's personal with The Ash.

Ah, so you're his doctor and his narc.

That's good to know.

Well, I'm an excellent multi-tasker.

Will you unbutton your shirt, please?

Bo also mentioned that you've been extremely tired.

Bo said that, huh?

I guess she was worried about you, and we're close.

She knows she can talk to me.

Yeah, I'm tired, but it's Bo's fault.

Why is that?

Well, if you guys are that close, then... just ask her.

Sure, Dyson.

Do I have to wait for my analysis? No. We're done here.

That's great. Good talk, doc.

Kenzi, do we have any calamine lotion?

Ugh. I think I'm allergic to cop shop coffee.

(Lowered voice) Get over here!

God, you're so aggravating.

What has gotten into you?

I think we need to call an exterminator...

Or ten, 'cause I almost just got webbed in the face by the mother of all spiders.

An insect?

Really?

It tried to web me in the face... in the face part of my face.

You don't believe me? Fine.

It's being scared of us in the basement.

That's where it scurried.

Oh.

Why don't you go first?

Wouldn't want you to push me down the stairs or anything.

(Whispers) It's just a bug. It's just a bug.

It's just a big, badass bug.

(Telephone rings)

Dyson.

That sample you gave me is from a djieien.

(Dyson) Never heard of it.

Well, they're extremely rare.

There's not much information in the database.

Well, what do we know?

It's a nomadic native American underfae.

Injects its victims with a venom that stimulates the hypothalamus, causing hallucinations and paranoia.

That's always a great combo.

Well, it gets worse.

The venom circulates through the nervous system, producing increasingly powerful bursts of aggression, uh, persecution anxieties, and finally homicidal rage.

Without a target for that rage, the victims often end up attacking...

Each other.

(Sighs) The djieien then psychically feeds off the flood of adrenalized pheromones.

But in some of these households, more than one person was holding a w*apon.

Why didn't they just leave the house?

It won't let them.

The creature may bite multiple victims causing intense fear, maybe agoraphobia, whatever it takes to keep them contained.

What are the initial symptoms?

Uh, headaches, dizziness, itchiness, paranoia...

g*dd*mn it. It's got Bo.

Are you sure?

Unfortunately, yes.

Dyson, as long as this thing is living, it'll have a hold on her.

Okay, well, what does this thing look like?

A spider... a giant, hairy spider.

Got it. (Hangs up receiver)

Dr. Lewis, you pushed the alarm?

We have a situation.

I've seen this movie.

The funny friend ends up with a frickin' hockey skate in the jugular every time.

Well, let's hope the spider isn't wearing skates.

Ugh. (Gasps)

Ugh. You've been marked, chosen by the spider. I'm safe.

I thought you said he went for your face.

Shut up! God.

(Bo) Oh, that is a lot of web for a wee little spider.

Wee? You could put a saddle on that thing.

I thought you said it was the size of a rat. (Clatter)

(Gasps) What was that?

Quick. Plan "b."

Go get 'em, tiger!

I hate plan "b"!

(Grunts)

(Panting)

(Panting) We're trapped.

At least we're together.

Right.

Together we'll be fine.

Uh-huh.

As long as we keep our heads.

Kenzi. (Shouting in Russian)

Kenzi, do not go full Russian on me, okay?

Don't panic!

Why?

I don't know. It's just something people say.

People that lose a wedding ring or gain some weight, not somebody trapped by a freakin' spider!

I wonder why the spider chose our place, what with all the free frickin' eats!

Yeah, well, now that he's here, maybe you can make out with him, and then maybe you can make out with his best friend.

Maybe he can die of a broken heart!

Mr. Hippopotamus says, "time to get rid of the succubus."

We just need to stay calm, okay? Calm.

She's too strong.

Concentrate on b*ating this thing.

... Before she disposes of you.

You know she will.

Just look at her eyes.

Kenzi!


We are trapped in this tomb of a house by a giant freakin' spider.

Do you think you could tape this?

(Hale, singsongy) Hello?

Ladies?

Ohh. Ohh!

What...

Silly monkey. Yes, you are.

Hey, Dyson. I'm here.

Whoa.

It's like sad-ass Halloween in here.

(Hale scoffs) Dyson, relax.

Coaxing messed up girls out of their comfort zone...

(Chuckles) That's my calling, man.

Forget this... (Whoosh)

Phone. Now.

This is not the pillow fight I was expecting.

Okay. All right. Just relax, okay?

Look, take deep lady breaths. That's a cute sword.

Have you seen any raunchy spiders around?

Why'd you do that?

He knew about the spider.

He's in on it.

Totally. Good thinking.

Still dirty.

Is that my vest?

Did you steal my vest?

It's not stealing if I haven't left the house yet.

God, I'm so angry at you!

If we were in prison, I would give you such a shiv.

Why am I so mad at you?

I mean, sure, you're a total slob and immature, have horrible taste in men, and you always need saving.

God, you're awful.

At least I don't have man feet.

This isn't right. Something's not right with my head.

And can we please talk about your hair?

I'm serious.

The headaches, the... the itching, the... the voices.

Kenzi, I'm sick.

I need to feed.

Can I offer you a pastry?

I'm not that kind of hungry, sweetie.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.

I always knew this day would come. Huh?

When you'd get hungry enough that you'd just eat my face!

Put the bat down.

This won't hurt... much.

(Gasps)

Fine. Be like that.

You'll do.

(Clatter)

(Inhales deeply)

(Exhales deeply)

(Moans)

I'm so hungry.

(Inhaling deeply)

(Gasps)

(Moans)

You taste like apricots.

Ahh.

(Snoring)

Kenzi!

Kenzi, it's okay! There was something wrong with us!

I think that we were hallucinating!

(Continues snoring)

I'm getting help.

Ma'am, get back in the zone.

Who the hell are you?

Back in the house... (Cocks g*n)

Now. It's real simple.

You leave, we k*ll you.

That's insane.

That's quarantine.

(Brakes squeal)
(Man) Hey, guys, get a hand over here, will ya?

Detective Dyson.

Is this part of your... uh, what do humans say... b*at?

Haven't seen you since that night in manila.

Serena.

What are you doing here?

Walk with me.

You're looking at ash's new head of security.

Well, congratulations.

Now can you tell me what the hell this is all about?

This position has its perks and its downsides, like informing a colleague that his friends have been isolated.

This is officially a lock-down.

Quarantine? Who made that call?

Lauren. (Siren wailing in distance)

Try to understand.

This djieien feeds on human and fae alike.

It must be exterminated... along with the infected.

I gotta get in there.

Do you really think that's the best way to help your friends, your partner?

Serena, you gotta give me somethin' here.

For old times' sake?

I can give you two hours.

And what the hell am I supposed to do from out here?

Two hours.

Should I pull back the team?

No. We're still on schedule.

(Cell phone rings) There's nothing he can do. They're as good as dead.

Hell, they may have already k*lled each other.

Pick up, pick up.

Ohh. Dyson!

Are you okay?

Well, not exactly. A spider bit me and I went kinda 'nam, but I healed myself.

Healed how? You didn't use Kenzi, did you?

No, I fed off Hale.

Fed how exactly from Hale?

Will you just focus?

I did what I had to do. Hale is absolutely fine.

(Moaning)

Oh, sh*t.

Ohh.

Yes, keep moving. Keep walking.

(Exhales) Unh-unh.

(Exhales) Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo! Get off my shoe.

(Exhaling)

No, not my leg. (Grunts)

sh*t!

They won't let us leave.

I'm outside. I'm working on it.

What?

Oh, see, that is why you are my favourite stalker.

Just hang on. Keep them safe.

I will.

Yeah.

You gotta k*ll this thing.

Oh, with pleasure.

(Beep)

Bar's closed!

What the hell are you doing calling in The Ash's hit squad?

1872... a djieien infects a mining community, leading to the mass m*rder of 600 souls.

Another single djieien is thought to be responsible for the bulk of the Sudanese genocide.

You didn't even give Bo a chance.

Dyson, she did the right thing.

Bullshit!

Look, I just bought us two more hours until they burn the place down.

So you tell me, how do we b*at this thing?

We don't know.

This is my house.

These are my friends.

So if you wanted to piss me off, mission accomplished.

Nice trick.

What the hell are you?

It doesn't matter.

I can keep this up all night!

(Panting)

(Bang)

Kenzi?

Sweetie?

Is that you?

(Hisses)

More bad news.

Wonderful.

Listen to this.

"The creature is so crafty, it buries its heart."

Until you find the heart and destroy it...

The spider itself is virtually invincible.

Lovely.

Look, before Bo got infected, she, uh, did some digging around for me.

She put a list of leads together from her dark fae contacts on my case.

"Peter Byrd, Gordon Hurley, Thomas Mooney... "

Wait.

Gordon Hurley?

Yeah. You know him?

He deals with, uh, exotic animals and underfae.

Imports a lot of nasty stuff from the black market for sport, food, whatever.

He hasn't been in the bar for about three months.

Well, that's about when the m*rder-suicides started.

Is he in the book?

He's in my book.

His office.

I'm going with you.

I can identify the heart.

This day just gets better and better.

Try to keep up.

And, Trick, see what else you can find.

(Banging on door) (Groans)

(Bo) Kenzi? You... (Clatter)

You gotta open the door, okay?

(Groans) Freaky bitch bit me.

(Bo) You need help. Are you listening to me?

Hello?

(Whispers) Don't worry. I locked Bo in the basement.

You're lucky she didn't Hannibal Lecter your lips off.

Oh, you guys stopped fighting?

Okay, look...

Nobody even got their top ripped off.

It's safer out there anyway. Okay?

I'm going down to find the spider. You just hang on.

The front door is bricked off.

You clearly know some secret way in and out of here. (Grunts)

You take me with you, I'll let you live, okay?

(Groans)

(Panting) You'd pick me over Bo, right, Hale?

You're on my side?

Of course, Kenz.

Of course.

The secret way out.

Ladies first.

Okay.

I definitely choose you.

(Chuckles)

Just a bit further.

Go on, now.

The secret way out is through Bo's bedroom?

(Snickering)

What? (Laughs)

What? Tell me.

Knock, knock.

(Laughs) Who's there?

Just the guy wondering if he can whistle loud enough... to make your brain explode.

(Gasping)

(Clatter)

(High-pitched whistling)

(Grunting)

(Stops whistling) Something I sang?

(Gasps)

(Whirring)

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...

She's a sweet girl, okay? She just gets moody.

Yeah, moody like Jeffrey Dahmer.

I'd better get goin' home for when she finishes.

We're not letting her finish.

Gordon.

You're looking well.

Trick, please don't let them hurt my baby.

Is he talking about a spider?

He thinks the djieien is his pet.

Yeah, she always comes back to me, okay, just once she's got her fill of death.

Do you have anything to shut this guy up?

Yeah, I got something.

We... we actually need him still talking, so he can tell us where the djieien buried its heart.

Don't worry. This'll only calm him some. (Blows air)

Okay. Can you... can you do that?

Can you tell us all about the djieien?

I'd do anything for her.

Great. He's spider-whipped.

Might be worse than that. Seems my translation was off.

The djieien doesn't bury its heart.

It implants it.

Implants it? Like, in something?

Or someone.

Am I missing something here?

(Chuckles) Let me listen.

We have two heartbeats.

He who lies in the mud rises dirty.

Hey, less Gaelic wisdom, more looking for makeshift surgical tools.

Aah!

(Grunts)

(Gasps)

Wish I could say this wasn't gonna hurt.

You should ask before you borrow my things.

(Grunts)

(Thud)

Twice in one day.

He'll be lucky if he can remember the alphabet.

(Panting) I'm glad you stopped him, 'cause nobody kills my best friend except for me.

Kenzi.

Kenzi, it's me.

Yeah, that's why I'm gonna give you a 10-second head start, roomie.

One... two...

Crap.

Three.

(Cell phone rings, beep)

Serena, we just need five minutes.

I gave you all the time I've got.

No, look, we found the source. We can k*ll the spider.

Unless you snuck back in, I highly doubt it.

We have to eliminate this parasite now.

You won't k*ll it. It won't work, not unless you destroy its heart.

I understand. You want to stall.

But you should realize, this is doing your friends a mercy.

(Beep)

We're in position.

Douse it.

Hey, guys.

(Whoosh)

(Sighs)

We have to get this heart out now.

There might be some alchemist's potion that can poison the heart.

It's here.

Kenzi, I don't want to hurt you anymore.

Oh, but I really want to hurt you.

(g*nsh*t) Are you sh1tting me?

Ow.

(Squish) Or you can do it that way.

What an ingenious creature.

Sorry, Bo.

I'm about to make another big, fat mess.

(Whoosh)

You stay back.

k*ll her, Lauren. Do it.

(Screeches)

(Gasps)

(Panting)

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Bo, I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Bo, I'm so sorry.

Over. Come here.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

-It's okay.

I don't know how, but we're okay.

Wowzers.

(Screeches)

Should we show it mercy?

Mercy this.

(Cell phone rings, beeps)

It's Dr. Lewis. Call off the cleansing.

In The Ash's name, it done.

Change of plans.

(Sighs I hate getting all heart and bothered for nothing.

So... spider dies, and the venom in our system just sort of evaporates?

Dissipates.

Isn't that the same thing?

The djieien produced a magnetic field that absorbed and fed off your rage, and when it d*ed, the emitting electrons... and I'm boring you.

(Laughs) No.

No. Science... it's, uh, it's nifty.

Mm. (Chuckles)

But what really matters is that you saved us.

Mm.

Getting awfully good at doing that.

And the least I can do to thank you is buy you that drink if you'll still let me.

So... sorry about, you know, trying to make your head go "boom."

Meh. It's cool.

Oh, also...

(Chuckles) Hey, could you not tell Dyson about, you know, kissing Bo and all that?

Dude, you were unconscious.

Dude turns into a wolf.

Good point. Yep.

Thank you.

(Whistling)

(Both) Don't do that.

(Stops whistling) (Chuckles)

You would've k*lled Gordon, wouldn't you have?

I'm a doctor.

It's called triage.

Call it what you want.

I just didn't think you had it in you.

You don't think much of me, do you, Dyson?

You're inconsistent.

First you call a strike on Bo, and then you s*ab a man to save her.

I just don't trust your motives.

Well, it's not your trust I'm interested in.

Fair enough.

Is it really my loyalties you're worried about or that this time I was Bo's hero?

You're the one that almost got her k*lled.

For the bedroom door. I got a nice, sturdy oak.

Sturdy. That's good.

Kenzi, you don't have to do that.

Yeah, I do.

I would like to think I wouldn't have gone through with it, but I was ready to pull the trigger.

I wanted to.

Hey, if I hadn't healed myself, I would've dissected you like a frog.

For the record, whatever you do in your entirely personal romantic life, I got you.

(Laughs)

Even when I was feelin' stabby, I knew that.

(Laughs) Good. Truce.

Pip, pip, my serengeti sallies!

Want to know what happens when a python meets a rhino?


I hate this show. (Turns off tv)

I give you pepperoni and extra cheese.

You are a God in wolf's clothing.

(Whispers) He's good. He's really good.

Hey.

Hey.

Sit a spell. Have a slice.

A spell? Well, I would love to, milady, but I, uh, I have a debriefing with The Ash.

Ah, how very Lauren of you.

Look, about Lauren... she's just too close to The Ash, and you're too close to her. It worries me.

You know, I don't understand you.

You say that you don't want to be exclusive, that you want to see other people... this isn't about seeing other people.

Well, then what's it about?

I don't trust her.

Well, I do, and if there's one thing that I can say about Lauren, it's that she cares.

Are you willing to say the same thing?

Fine.

You've made your decision.

Next time you need to heal, you call Lauren.

Nice talk.

(Sighs) Are we pissed at Dyson again?

Is he trying to buy us off with pizza?

Kenzi...

Hmm?

Don't ever change.

Honey...

I couldn't if I tried.

What's that?

(Spritzing) (Mouth full) Bug spray.

Just in case.
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