02x01 - Something Wicked This Fae Comes

[bunniefuu]

This is the part where I tell you we're gonna take down the Fae.

I know you hate the divide as much as I do.

We're gonna put an end to that.

(expl*si*n)

Get him in the lab! Move, move!

What the hell's going on?

att*ck on the meeting of the high elders.

The Ash is on life support, doesn't look good.

We know you can change destiny!

You've done it before, do it now for Bo!

This is not a game!

I will take.

The love of her!

NOOOOO!

You will never feel passion for her again!

(growling)

Heeeere, little UnderFae-monster- thingy...

Remind me why I agreed to waste a perfectly good Friday night helping you track these bastards?

'Cause having a bunch of our less evolved brethren running amok in the city is a bad thing?

Not to mention your mom's the one who went all Vigilante Barbie and bombed The Ash and the Elders.

So?

So -- it's your mom's fault The Ash is on life support, the elders are dead and all their pets are running free and feral--

And we're the Fae SPCA. Yay.

You know whose job this really is?

I told you--

I haven't seen Dyson in like, three weeks.

Same as you.

Once again, what happened between you two?

Nothing that would make him go all AWOL--

Find it yet?

Kenzi! Not cool!

Ow!!!

You didn't see your faces!

It was way cool.

Didn't we tell you to stay in the car?

Cars are the basements of horror movie clichés.

Up there, up there!

Coming your way again!

AHHHHHHHH!!!

Bye bye, birdie...

Uh, is it weird that I'm craving fried chicken?

Damn, what was in those claws?

Must be toxin. Let me call Lauren.

No, no, no. No time. I got this.

You sure?

You wanna be helpful? Call Dyson.

Tell him it's time to grow a pair and come home.

I'm tired of getting her emergency take out.

I really shouldn't leave the counter unattended --

Relax, my friend's got it covered.

And you really deserve a coffee break.

So, uh... you live around here?

I don't...meant to... pressure you... but if this is going too fast we should like, start with dinner--?

Works for me.

Got your call. What's the trouble?

Over here.

You all some kinda circus people, or something?

Some kind.

Life is hard when you don't know who you are.

It's harder when you know what you are.

My love carries a death sentence.

I was lost for years...

Searching while hiding.

Only to find that I belong to a world hidden from humans.

I won't hide anymore.

I will live the life I choose.

The scar's barely visible.

Even given the balm we've been using -- you're a remarkable healer.

Great, now I can get back to writing my novel.

Remember, still no heavy lifting.

Lauren, these days all I've been doing is heavy lifting.

Hey, the mighty hunters have returned!

Done and...done.

It looked like a Piwichen, Trick.

Whatever it is, it was ugly and damn cranky, and totally reeking up my trunk--

Hale said you were scratched.

Let me take a look.

Residual bruising?

Why didn't you fully heal?

I thought it might be nice to leave the kid alive--?

I'm fine.

Besides, Physician, heal thyself: when's the last time you even slept?

I can't trust anybody to monitor The Ash in his coma.

It doesn't leave a lot of time for siestas.

So, what are you doing here?

(phone ringing)

I heard you needed me.

I came.

(phone ringing)

Hale: We swept the whole West quadrant and tonight's catch makes eight.

UnderFae! Collect the whole set!

Please tell me that's the last of them?

It's not like I have an official count, but, I think so.

Not for nothing, but with The Ash out of commission, we Light Fae don't have a real leader.

If he doesn't get better soon, bigger and more organized baddies are going to start testing us.

Lauren: Seconded.

Just got a call from my assistant.

There's been a body dump, side of Highway 9.

The Cleaners have taken it to my lab.

You sure it's a Fae k*ll?

Very likely. It's been flayed.

What's that mean?

Bo: It means something ripped off all its skin.

Oh, HORF.

Ugh, you suck, Siren!

Hey, now!

I'm gonna need you to come with us.

This could get science-y.

I'm tired.

It's definitely a body imprint from where the corpse was left.

But it's mostly blood and fluids.

There's some lymph matter and interstitial tissue and--

Let's see--

Possibly some digestive secretions.

Neat.

Wow, do we ever have a different definition of that word.

You think something swallowed it?

Spit the corpse out here but digested the skin?

Possibly.

I'd love to get a look at that skin, it'd tell me a lot. We'll know more when we get back to the lab and I do a work-up.

What kind of Fae feed on skin?

We don't know it was feeders.

Flayers come in a number of types.

There's collectors, there's sadists, there's Priests performing rituals.

There's creepy dudes who like to make body suits out of other people's skin.

Who or whatever did this needs finding.

Fast.

A lot of different tracks in this one area, like a bunch of them pulled over at once.

Got their wheels in the mud.

Could be old.

Uh uh--

We had that big rain yesterday afternoon. Anything earlier would have been washed away.

Whatever did this might not be traveling alone.

Great!

We should talk to Trick, see if he knows any trackers we can trust.

Since Mr. Dyson left us high and dry.

He picked a shitty window for some "me time", huh?

She said, leaving an open opportunity for her friend to snark--?

Oh, I'm all out of snark, What if he's not coming back?

What if... he is hurt--

He wouldn't leave us for good without saying goodbye.

How do you know?

Because I know Dyson--

And he just isn't that massive a d*ck.

C'mon, how much can a dude change in three weeks?

Six semi-conscious rednecks and 5 K in damages to a perfectly unrespectable road house.

And the first I hear of you in weeks is a call from your arresting officer.

What d'you got to say for yourself, Detective?

They started it.

(laughing)

My man--

Thank you, officers.

Next time I'm in... wherever it is you're from--

Dinner's on me.

And by me--

I mean you.

Good to see you, brother.

Hey--

My throat's bleeding from all the singing I had to do, man-- --

Yeah, I didn't ask you to.

I was handling it.

Ahhh!

And by handling, ladies and gentlemen, I'm pretty sure he means handling himself into rages up and down the coast.

Least that's what I heard. Anyway--

First, welcome back.

Second, what's eating you?

Ahhh--

Scratch that--

Don't care.

'Cause we got bigger issues.

Like what?

sh*t is getting real.

The Ash is hanging by a thread.

Who's in charge?

Temporarily?

Elder Porter is Acting Ash.

Buzz Porter?

Never met an ale he didn't like, Porter?

Trick is doing his best to control things behind the scenes. But it's not enough, man.

The Light is weak, all the hungry nasties are coming out of the woodwork trying to test the waters.

We need you back.

Also, your girl--

About to put out a Missing Person's APB on that ass.

How is Bo?

About to be a whole lot better, once she sees your furry face.

Finally!

Things can start getting back to normal.

Come on--

(gagging)

You know what to do with it.

Good lad....

NO--

No, I lost it again.

Great, a bloodhound with allergies.

Trick outdid himself with the referral.

It's a sinus thing, and we discussed this.

Get off my back, food!

Seriously, you're both giving me a headache!

Must be the pollen count, and I-- No, wait!

(sniffing)

There!

A-ha! I told you I'd do it.

Now, pony up.

Alright, hold on--

Pharmaceutical grade allergy meds from my doctor friend.

Enjoy.

Oh, uh, by the way, my nose is still plenty good enough to tell they're "Friends of The Family".

Other Fae?

Yeah, we know one of them is Fae.

Not one!

All of them!

You'll have to excuse us, we're not set up for visitors just yet.

New to town?

New to every town!

Always just passing through.

I present myself --

Zael -- and my traveling sideshow!

Do you hunger for wonder, do you thirst for thrills --

I bring greetings from The Ash.

Ah--

A Sister!

That's a relief.

I wasn't in the mood for the whole song and dance.

Guh-jweed juh-kood!

Where are my manners: can we offer you something to drink, some food--

An explanation.

We tracked you from a body left on a roadside.

Oh, that--

Well, trust me, I'm mortified.

One of our less civilized members occasionally slips out for a feed, but we've reclaimed him and he will not trouble you again, you have my word--

Oh, that totally makes up for k*lling a guy!

Fae hiding in plain sight as circus peeps.

That's pretty clever.

It was the circus, back in the 1800s.

Sideshow freaks, Vaudevillians.

Nowadays, we're more industrial performance artists.

Great way for our kind to pass out in the open.

You wanna join?

We always have room for a beautiful woman.

Thank you, but I'm good.

We'll, uh, just, file a report with The Ash and let you off with a warning.

Since you're just passing through.

Come on--

Well, if your feet ever start itching.

Come find us.

Are we just going to let him get away with m*rder?

We're outnumbered, I don't wanna start a small w*r out here without Trick's say so.

So what now?

We get Trick's say so.

Can we go?

Hello, my dear dear friend!

Buzz!

What are you doing?

Other than washing in mead.

Oh, just checking out the proletariat, kissing a few babies.

Good for the people to know I'm here for them.

Your job is to calm the people, by reminding them that The Ash will be well any day now, and in the meantime, you're just doing his bidding.

Oh, that too, that too.

That too.

(cheering)

I think there's actually steam coming out of those ears.

(phone ringing)

Trick--

What is it, Hale?

What? What is it?

It's Dyson.

Is he hurt?

He's home.

Dyson: I said I'm ready to pay your price, crone.

If you give my strength to Bo, you can take anything you need.

A deal is struck.

A sacrifice is named and accepted.

In exchange, I will take from you that which you value the most.

I will take...

The love of her!!!

Nooooo!

You will have the memories of what you've lost but you will never feel passion for her again!

Noooo!

Hey.

Ugh!

Seriously??

You disappear for three weeks and no phone call?

Do you know how scared I was?

What, are there no phones in Douchetown?

See you've been working on your right hook.

Dyson--

I was dealing with some personal stuff.

But, we're not personal?

Hale said there's, uh, a body?

I was just on my way to The Dal.

You wanna join me?

I did a forensics work-up.

The k*ller is definitely Fae.

So is the victim.

Our side?

I'm still ID'ing the remains.

Well, we might be able to help with that: We tracked the k*ll to a group of circus Fae camping at old candy factory.

We can push them harder to talk.

Guessing it'll take more than a push.

Zael never told us the k*ll was Fae, so they're definitely hiding something.

C'mon--

I'll take you there.

I'm gonna take this with Hale.

I've got some catching up to do.

I have to get back to the lab, too--

Excuse me--

Did he just give me the brush off?

Trick: Give him some time.

Besides, I could use your help here.

Come-- Tell me about this "circus".

SIGH

(chimes tinkling)

For starters--

Where the hell'd they all go?

And why leave their wheels?

'Cause a convoy's a lot easier to track.

And their clothes--

Can you, uh, get your -- sniff-sniff -- wolf on?

(chimes tinkling)

(deep sniff)

They got wise, salted their path.

But I do smell something.

What is it?

What is that?

It's definitely skin--

And it belongs to our Fae corpse.

Whoa--

Well, that's interesting.

the skin has a tattoo on it.

The one on his hand?

No, this one was done on the inside of his skin.

Years ago, while the deceased was still wearing it.

How is that possible?

I've never seen it. Or, heard of it.

Must be some sort of mystical process.

Damn--

Looks like a map.

Dyson: At least now, we've got a motive for skinning someone.

Any idea what it's a map of?

I'll see what I can do.

Bo on phone: Hello?

Hey! Is Trick there?

Hang on, lemme put you on speaker.

Any luck?

Dyson on phone: They were gone, but we find some of the skin.

Strange thing is it's got a map tattooed on the inside of it. All premortem.

You're sure about that?

Lauren seems to be.

I'm gonna check our case files, see if there's anything I can dig up on the tattoo database. I'll let you know--

That thing about the tattoo--

There's a few things that could be--

Hey! Where are you going, Big Boss?

I liberated some of The Ash's rarer books from his store room recently--

Why, Sir, I am--

I'm just appalled.

For safe keeping.

Kenzi: Uh huh...

I think they might have the answers we need.

Take your time!

God, I miss the good old days, when chasing your mama was our biggest headache.

Actually, what am I doing? You're the bartender.

Right--

Another glass, another glass--

What are you drinking?

Um--

I don't know. Maybe something sweet.

Like an apology from Dyson for being La Merde- Face since he got back.

Thank you!

He's being a total ass, right?

Guy disappears for 3 weeks and leaves you hanging, usually, the girl gets to be the pissy one, yes?

That is how I have come to understand things from my education in romantic comedies, Yes. Also--

Girls with glasses are WAY SMART, and being clutzy is adorable.

It's like he's afraid to be alone with me.

Maybe you're not gonna like what he has to say?

AHHHHHH!

Are you okay??

I'm fine! Go!

Bo: Gotcha!!

Rats!

He turned into rats!

Now, please tell me you know what the hell is going on.

that att*cked you?

Tesso. Or rather, one of his descendants.

Rare Japanese Fae. Powerful shamans.

They absorb knowledge by, well, eating it.

Good. If we can figure out what books he was targeting, we'll know what he was trying to learn, right?

I'm trying to piece that together from the remains.

Meanwhile, this tells a tale all its own.

I saw those at the circus camp.

What do they mean?

What do know of the "Sluagh?"

"The Wandering Damned"?

I thought they were just superstition.

No, they're real.

And they're not damned or dead, they're cursed.

Forced to wander the earth, without rest.

Without a home.

Who'd they piss off?

Let's just say in the early Fae wars between Light and Dark, they tried to play both sides, and fooled neither.

I like them already.

But why are they here, now?

Many of them became thieves, so if there's a band of them here--

They're probably here to steal something.

Something to which that map tattoo points.

And apparently, something worth k*lling for.

I'll check with the local Fae-fences, see if there's something unusually valuable in town.

I took another look at the skin Dyson found.

I got an ID.

Sit. Eat.

Defer your imminent coma.

No, really, I'm fine--

I'm just a little bit tired.

Mmmm--

Mmmmm--

Why are carbs so damn tasty?

Actually, I know why: it's an interesting fact, they increase the body's insulin, which clears competing amino acids and a path of serotonin to your brain and--

Lauren--

Right--

Less geeking, more eating.

Marvin Arcdael--

That's our flaying victim?

Light Fae and tow truck driver -- which makes sense because he's a Doonie, a helpful road Fae. My guess is the Sluagh faked a roadside emergency and called him there.

Have you found out more about the map tattoo?

Sample was too degraded in the fire.

But he did have one external symbol on his hand which might be of use--

But the bigger news is this: When I used The Ash's access clearance code to look into Marvin, these two were linked to him.

They have the same symbol on their hands.

Why?

It doesn't say.

I didn't get that far.

I brought books so we could look at it further--

But, maybe could just close my eyes for, like, maybe just one second--

I knew it!

Step away from the scalpel.

Kenzi--

Give me the rat.

One step closer and I'm seriously calling PETA!

Or... I guess, "FETA"?

Hey, do the Fae have some sort of protection societ--

Kenzi, It's just sleeping.

These are just tweezers.

I'm not going to hurt it, I promise.

Careful.

I will.

Open wide...

What is it?

Trouble.

Isotopes...

Kenzi: Super-sized sh*t!

She's just taking a nap, relax.

What's up?

We may have figured out what the Sluagh want - or at least, what they're after next: It's called "The Sword of Agros."

Trick doesn't know where to find it yet, but--

I do! At least, I have a good idea who's protecting it.

How?

I'm super smart.

Okay, these three are what Fae call Guardians.

It's a sort of life of servitude, donating your actual body to the protection for something.

The kinda "something" the Sluagh might want?

(phone ringing)

This Guardian, he's dead, and these two have no contact info--

Dyson?

We found another body, dumpster in the east end.

Male. Something was ripped out of him.

His name wouldn't happen to be Ralph, would it?

Lauren: Extraordinary...

It looks like some sort of organic, flexible tube, implanted right along the spinal column.

It's not a tube. It's a sheath.

Dyson: This guy was carrying a sword inside of him?

So, he's a living sheath?

The Sword of Agros. And something tells me whoever pulled that sword out of him is not going to use it to trim hedges.

Do we even know why this fool wanted that sword?

Trick: Because they need it--

To help them steal something greater.

Dyson: What?

Our land.

What? How's that possible?

In order for a district to be claimed by the Light Fae, each Ash has to make a covenant with the land during a secret, mystic ceremony, the "BOH-see ahn Ta-LAHV".

Translation?

"He marries the land."

The Ash swears to protect the good of the land and in return, the land is good to his people.

Used to mean better crops, and less disease.

Now it's longer lasting infrastructure more wealth, less crime.

Trick: But, only if the marriage ceremony is consummated.

Define "consummated".

Well, without getting into the grander, more mind bending metaphysics of it, the soul of the land takes on corporeal form, with which The Ash will mate.

Talk about laying some turf.

Pounding some ground?

(laughing)

You done?

Sorry--

Trick: With The Ash on the verge of death, he's already losing his bond.

That's exactly the opportunity the Sluagh were looking for.

By binding themselves to the earth, and claiming it for their own.

Is that really so bad?

Isn't there enough room for everyone?

If they steal our convenent with the land, all the Light Fae that currently live here will be forced into exile.

And the Dark would be free to over run the city.

Not good news for the humans that remain.

Yep, those are both bad.

So, what can we do?

The Sluagh will need to fully sever The Ash's land-bond before they can forge their own.

They're looking for this--

The physical manifestation of the bond.

The heart stone.

Breaking this with the Sword of Agros will completely sever the bond.

Well, where is it?

I'm guessing that's what Marvin's skin map would have lead them to.

Too bad it's too damaged to be of much use to us.

Uh, hello?

You're our Trick- opedia.

Well, I was never local government.

I'll have to summon Buzz, as much as it pains me.

But as Acting Ash, there are some things only he's privy to.

Sit tight.

So--

While we wait--

Anyone, uh, want to go get some air.

I'm good. Thanks.

Great.

That's Jim Dandy.

Dude, what's been up with you lately?

That time of the wolf-month?

Missed you, too, Kenzi.

She's got a point.

You seem a little off your game since you came back.

Something I should know?

Not really.

Okay--

You know the old story of King Leopold?

The tribute he made as a sacrifice to the Norns?

Yeah.

Well, I asked a Norn for help when Bo went to face her mother.

So?

Aw...man...

Alright, bold move.

But, you just run off after?

What's up with that?

I was in shock, okay? Denial--

Whatever you want.

Wounded animals like to lick their wounds in private.

No wonder things are tense between you two.

How did Bo take it?

I haven't told her yet.

Then why are you shutting her down and trying to avoid her, fool?

Shouldn't you be, you know, trying to get up close and personal?

Why?

To be sure.

Otherwise--

How do you know the curse really "took"?

There's a reason our Fae tales end with a magic kiss.

And your girl's lips are super-charged.

What the Norn took from you, maybe Bo can get it back?

Did I ever tell you about the time the third Ash and I went across the border incognito?

Oh, there were some shenanigans that day, I promise you--

Buzz!

Try to think.

We need to know where it is.

Where what is?

The heart stone.

What about it?

There has to be another way.

Or someone else who knows, I mean, how many old rocks representing The Ash's link to the land" can there be?

You mean the HEART stone!

Well, why didn't you just damn well ask for goodness' sakes?

You there, meat bag--

Get me my glasses and a pen, will ya?

I'll write you a map.

Meat Bag??

I'm sorry--

Look, once we get that map, I think Hale and I can handle the stone.

Maybe you and--

Stop avoiding me--

I'm not.

You know what we do best?

We fight.

Each other, the world, whatever.

As a team, we're pretty unbeatable.

And that is what is needed right now: you and I, being Team Badass.

We'll deal with our personal sh*t after--

Right now, you're gonna put on your big-wolf pants and you're gonna come with me and kick some tail, or I'm gonna start kicking your tail.

Agreed?

Yes, Ma'am.

Thank you.

So, what do we do with this heart stone once we find it?

Should we have hired a crane?

Shh...

The Sluagh have the map.

They might be here already.

This should be it.

But, I'm not seeing anything heart stone-ish.

What about in here?

BO!

It was them.

Oh, great--

Lovely!

This isn't the place, but they knew we were coming.

Just like they knew where to find Marvin and that The Ash's books were in Trick's lair.

They've always been two steps ahead.

How is that?

Well--

That's a fine how do you do--

Talk sense. Or suffer.

You thr*aten your Acting Ash?

I should call the High Council.

Let me get you the phone--

And I'll b*at you with it.

Then you can explain to the High Council why you committed Treason!

I don't think you'll find much mercy there.

I saw an opportunity, and I took it.

We both know my best days are behind me with the Light Fae. But the Sluagh?

They promised me the wealth and power I deserve.

How do we stop this?

You're too late.

Can't you feel it?

The Land--

She's awakening.

Ugh!

Hello, lover.

You're not The Ash.

What was Tesso looking for in those books he ate.

An incantation.

In order for their leader, Zael, to get enough juice for the, uh--

The "Fastening" ritual--

Yeah, yeah the magical boinking.

We know, go on--

Tesso will need to perform the chant so doing will funnel all the sexual energy from a large group of revelers to Zael.

What, crowd-sourced Viagra?

We do that??

There's a reason why Fae and pagan rituals are often performed along with group revelry.

All that sex and joy essence is a powerful energy source.

Playboy grotto must be, like, BAM.

So where does this leave us?

The easiest vessels for Fae to draw from are always humans.

Zael and his people will need some sort of event or something that gathers humans together.

And spur of the moment, since they only just found the sword and heart stone.

Guys, are we looking for some kind of sexy pagan underground flash rave, tonight?

Seriously, I got this covered!

Just give the human like, five minutes, tops!

So--

Anyone looking for a sexy, sexy, neopagan rittual- dance-party?

You okay?

You look a little...

Nipple-y.

Just hungry.

This place is dripping sex.

That Tesso is channeling some strong hoodoo.

Even I can feel it.

I think we need to split up.

Me and D can try and muzzle Tesso stop the incantations.

Okay, Bo and I will--

Bo?

Can you make it through on your own, or do I have to cuff your muff?

I think I'll manage.

Go.

Good luck.

So--

Do you have to be this horny to ride this ride?

(indiscernible chanting)

Okay, I'll sing him into submission and--

cr*ck!

Or, we can do that.

Oops. Lost your mojo.

It's no worry--

I have enough virility by now.

That's what they all say.

Go--

Buzz told me about you.

You must realize you have more in common with us than those others out there.

Must I?

We're all outcasts.

Just like you.

Well, don't sell yourself short.

You're also ritual murderers and thieves.

I'm just doing what's necessary for my people.

We've been wandering for centuries.

We just want to stop.

Buddy, I understand. Believe me.

Ugh!

I've been there. I know exactly what it's like to be an outcast, to have no home--

But this one? This one is spoken for.

This one is mine.

'Cause I honestly will... being run out of yet another town.

May our bond with the land be restored before someone else covets it.

Well, that all ended better than I feared.

You thought the Sluagh would win?

I thought the Sluagh were my punishment.

The night you left, I used my blood.

To try and keep Aife from harming Bo.

And?

Seemed to work.

But there's always a cost when I use my gift.

Well, maybe this time it will be different.

It's good to have you home.

I was beginning to worry we'd lost you out there.

Thanks for the drink--

So--

Are we gonna start this reunion over?

Depends--

Are you gonna punch me again?

(laughing)

I am tempted.

You gonna tell me where you've been all this time?

I barely remember--

It's not important.

It's important to me.

What were you running from?

Okay--

I'll start--

Before you left I asked you not to interfere in my fight with Aife.

But that night, I swear I could feel you with me.

Bo: And it made all the difference.

Thank you.

I asked a Norn to give you my strength against your mother.

But, you should know: It came with a price.

Well, tell me.

Whatever it is--

We can handle it.

Norns take in payment what you value most.

I didn't know what it was at the time.

I offered her my wolf--

Dyson!

That's not what she took.

Well--

What did she take?

Us.

You're not even making any sense.

How can someone take "us"??

By making it impossible for me to feel anything for you.

Ever.

Well, that's ridiculous.

And--

Anyway, at the rave, tonight, that kiss, it was-

Our last.

I'm sorry, Bo. That's not how I wanted it, but I had to know.

Now I do.

I'm sorry.

Bo: Are you lost, sweetie?

I'm really not in the mood to go chasing after Zael and his crew, so--

I'm not one of the Sluagh.

What are you? Just some glandularly-challenged circus groupie?

Alright, just get to it.

What do you want from me?

I'm not here to take, I'm here to warn.

My nature draws me to impending disaster: terror, tragedy, plague.

To bear witness.

So...

What's drawing you here now?

My love life?

Just you.

I don't know the specifics yet, but I can feel it coming.

Because the Light Fae's bond with the land is broken?

No, that will repair over time.

This is far worse.

Something old has awoken.

Something terrible.

And it's coming... straight...for you.