02x08 - Sympathy for the Devil

[bunniefuu]

[Narrator] Previously, on Republic of Doyle.

[Rose] Sign.

[Martin] If I sign, do I get those pictures?

[Rose] I'm keeping them, so you'll stay the hell away from me and my family.

[Martin] We're not that different, you and me.

[Mal] Hmm.

[Martin] You realize if circumstances were somehow different, you and me might even have been good friends.

[Martin] There he is! Malacky, how's it hanging?

[Leslie] You should see the look on your face.

[Jake] How do I look?

[Leslie] Really scared.

[Jake] Everything all right?

[Leslie] I wanted to straighten things out... with us.

[Jake] Sounds pretty complicated.

[Leslie] Not with me.

[Des] So you want to make out again?

[Tinny] You tell anybody about that and I will k*ll you.

[Allison] Not only did you ruin a deposition from me professionally, but you left me standing half naked in your apartment.

[Leslie] When you're in love and it's not working out, it can make you kind of foggy.

[Allison] Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!

Ow, ow! Jake, God I think you're making it worse.

[Jake] Sorry, b'y.

[Allison] That pull-out is k*lling me.

[Jake] Well you know, I wanted to put a bed in here but the old man thinks it'll send the wrong signal to the clients.

[Allison] Well, Jakey, maybe a big boy apartment's in order. I don't know. Maybe your own house.

[Jake] All due respect, Allison, please just mind your own business with all that.

[Allison] Fine.

[Jake] Oh, now don't, look, I just... Everyone in my life is constantly giving me crap and I'd really, really appreciate it if you weren't one of those people, that's all I'm saying.

[Allison] I'm not giving you crap.

[Jake] You are. Kind of.

[Allison] I'm tired, okay?

Because I haven't slept. Jake!

Come on!

[Jake] What? Now how was that my fault... Aw! Look, I have an iron... somewhere, well actually I don't own one.

[Allison] Forget it. Okay, I will see you later, or I don't know, whenever.

[Jake] Whenever.

[Martin] That was lovely. I really enjoyed breakfast today.

Thank you very much, Rose, I really appreciate it. Thanks, Mal.

[Rose] You made it. While we were sleeping.

[Martin] For old time's sake, just wanted to surprise ya.

[Mal] Well, you certainly did that. I gotta work, so maybe you want to, uh...

[Martin] You want me to leave?

[Rose] Yeah.

[Mal] I just gotta meet Jake downtown... Pff, big case.

[Jake] Wow, I am totally free, it's weird. No case, no work, no nothing. Is he holding you hostage or something?

[Martin] By the way, congratulations on the recent nuptials, I heard all about it.

I want to wish you both all the happiness.

[Mal] Thank you.

[Rose] We appreciate it.

[Jake] B'y, it's a little early in the morning for the three of you to be drinking, don't you think?

[Rose] Well, Martin surprised us. Made us breakfast.

[Martin] I got a confession to make. I actually do have an ulterior motive.

[Rose] Get out.

[Martin] I do.

[Rose] Get out!

[Martin] I got a business opportunity for you. You don't want to hear it, or not?

[Mal] Business?

[Martin] Pretty good business opportunity, too. Could make us all rich. Trust me.

[Mal] Sounds great... no.

[Rose] You might want to leave, you don't want to make him mad.

[Martin] But in my experience, 300 grand can calm anybody down.

[Jake] Wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa. Wait now, wait now.

[Rose] Well.

[Jake] 300 thousand dollars?

Just let the man talk.

[Martin] Here's me without my pitch notes.

[Mal] Jake? What are you doin'?

[Jake] Don't you hear the man talking?

[Martin] I got a picture of a Toni Burke, she's an accountant.

She handles all these real hotshot clients. And what she did was she's embezzled millions and now there's a massive reward out there for her.

[Jake] Let me guess, she just happens to be in town right now?

[Martin] You should do this for a living, yes, she's here for the next 12 hours only.

[Mal] Do we look like bounty hunters?

[Martin] 300 thousand dollars and you can look like what you want to look like.

[Rose] Oh, Martin.

[Martin] Come on, I just want a little adventure. Plus, I can use your help on this. What do you say?

[Jake] Okay, who did she rob the money from?

[Martin] Her employers, I guess.

The point is that she's here, she's up for grabs, we make a move right now we can capitalize on it. What do you say?

[Mal] Absolutely not.

[Jake] Uh, just... give us a sec.

You know, maybe he's telling the truth. I for one, actually, kinda believe him. You should have more faith in people.

[Mal] He got me thrown in jail last year!

[Rose] Jake, nothing is ever as it seems with him.

[Jake] Look, I'm a big boy. I know I can handle him. You guys don't want to do this, I'll do it myself. He can't be all bad.

[Martin] Okay, so we're good then? Partners?

[Jake] Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[Mal] Okay, but I'm watching ya.

And Jake, I hope you know what you're doing.

[Jake] So do I.

[Martin] Partner.

♪ oh yeah ♪
♪ oh yeah ♪
♪ oh yeah ♪
♪ oh yeah-eee-yeah-eee-yeah-eee- yeah ♪
♪ oh yeah-eee-yeah-eee-yeah-eee- yeah ♪
♪ oh yeah!♪
♪

[Martin] Toni Burke has managed to skim a cool 3 million bucks off the books... from who she was working for. So 10% of uh...

That's a finder's fee, 300k.

That's what we're after. She's at the airport leaving for Mexico... So let's call it 11 hours.

[Mal] So we just sit and wait for her at the airport.

[Jake] No, no, no. Anyone could just snatch her. There's 300 grand on the line, we gotta move now.

[Martin] Like how you think!

[Rose] The reward is legit, it's on the fed's website. They've been looking for her for almost a year, but they're not saying why.

[Martin] Top secret stuff, embezzlement.

[Jake] This Toni, she doesn't look much like a crook to me. Or an accountant.

[Martin] Way better looking than whoever does your taxes.

[Rose] I do our taxes.

[Martin] I stand corrected.

[Rose] Uh-huh.

[Martin] She's traveling with her sister. Sister's name is Siobhan McDonagh. I haven't got a picture of her.

[Rose] Well, she appears to be a ghost. She's not on any hotel registries or anywhere else in this city.

[Martin] She's a gambler, total degenerate.

[Jake] How do you know all this?

[Martin] Well, I've been working all the angles on this case.

Before I brought it to you I wanted to make sure it was 100% legit.

[Jake] And you can id this uh, this sister Siobhan?

[Martin] Absolutely.

[Rose] Did you colour your hair?

[Martin] Yeah. How do I look?

[Jake] Very handsome.

[Martin] Hey, thank you.

[Jake] Now what's your plan?

[Martin] I haven't got a plan.

You guys are the private detectives. I'm just brining it to you. The only thing I can offer is I have a certain, you know, feeling for the law.

[Mal] And from the wrong side of it, you mean.

[Martin] Well, don't... No need to be judgmental about it. It does give you a certain insight, gotta admit that.

[Jake] You wanna work with us, you do what we say. All the time, and we'll get along fine.

[Martin] Okay, thanks.

[Rose] Yeah, and if we find out that you're messin' with us...

[Martin] I wouldn't dream of it, okay? I want to do it your way.

As my hand to God. Can I put my picture up?

[Jake] All right. If Toni's in town, we just gotta paper her picture around, show it to some friends. I mean, if she's in the city, she can't be that hard to track.

[Mal] We apprehend her, turn her over to the local guys for the reward. Simple.

[Jake] So the mystery gal, uh, Siobhan, you say she's a gambler?

[Martin] Oh, she likes craps.

She loves craps. It's the only game she plays.

[Jake] It's a bit early, but...

[Mal] There's only one guy who'd be running a game at this time of day.

[fingers snapping]

[Jake] All right, listen. I gotta go, uh, do something. I won't be long, I promise. You gonna be okay with your new BFF, the handsome ex-con?

[Mal] I think I liked him better when he was tryin' to steal my wife.

[Martin] Standing right here, guys.

[Jake] I'll see ya.

♪

[Des] Ugh! Ah!

[Tinny] You give?

[Des] No b'y, no. Ah.

[Tinny] Good, you asked for it and I'm brining it.

[Des] Oh, I can take it, I can take it. See, that's what I'm talking about. See, Jake will never take me seriously until, like, until he understands my physical prowess.

[Tinny] You're not exactly a cage fighter.

[Des] No, but from dis-coordination. Well, fear.

But, I can get past it.

[Tinny] We'll whip you into shape.

[Des] Okay, all right, all right. You ready? You ready?

Here we go! Ah! Oh! I think I smell toast. I definitely smell toast. Okay, all right. Okay, a p. I.'S gotta be badass, right?

So you gotta be able to take a punch as well as throw one. Ah!

Ah!

[Tinny] At this rate, you'll take plenty. You can't half-ass this kind of thing, or Jake will never see you as more than a little brother.

[Des] A little brother? Really?

Did he say that? Wait, wait, wait, I'm not like a, a sibling to you, am I?

[Tinny] What are you talking about? No. Why?

[Des] No reason. You like that?

You like that? I got ya.

[Tinny] Nice one. Too slow, Courtney.

[Jake] Hey Allison, it's, uh, me. I just thought I might run into you at the coffee shop or whatever...

[Mayor Clarke] Hey!

[Jake] About this morning...

[Mayor Clarke] Mr. Doyle, hey there, hey!

[Jake] I'll, uh, call you later, okay.

[Mayor Clarke] I'm sorry, are you, uh... are you on some kind of big stakeout here, or?

[Jake] Uh, no, not really. I...

[Mayor Clarke] Look, I've been meaning to talk with you... can... I'll meet you back at the office. Okay? Thanks. How are you, Mr. Doyle?

[Jake] Best kind.

[Mayor Clarke] I'm so glad I ran into you. Uh, you were an officer, right? The R.N.C.?

[Jake] Long time ago, yeah.

[Mayor Clarke] You mind if I ask what happened there, or?

[Jake] Yeah.

[Mayor Clarke] Okay. Do you miss it?

[Jake] Do I miss taking orders and wearing funny little hats?

No.

[Mayor Clarke] No, do you miss, uh, the pension, the dental plan.

[Jake] Well luckily all of my teeth have already been knocked out and replaced, so.

[Mayor Clarke] Heh. Can I speak off the record here? We're, uh, thinking of creating a kind of a, uh, particular task force, you know. It's a chancing city and we need to make moves to protect her. And I think a guy like you, with your talents, would be a great asset for the team. I don't know, you interested?

[Jake] Are you offering me a job?

[Mayor Clarke] No, no. Just talking, just asking. Don't answer. I just want you to... just think about it, okay? Nice talking to ya.

[Martin] You know what we could do? Let's pretend we're cops, walk straight in and start bashing heads. We gotta do something, come on.

[Mal] You want to go into an illegal casino at 10 in the morning and pretend we're cops?

No.

[Martin] We're standing around here doing nothing. What are we doing here, bird-watching?

[Mal] No. First we assess the situation, then we come up with a plan of att*ck.

[Martin] Measure twice, cut once. Once a cop, always a cop.

[Mal] What kind of a lowlife goes into a casino at 10 in the morning?

[Martin] Shoulda hit the ATM, I'm getting low on a*mo.

[Jake] Any sign of 'em?

[Mal] We were waiting for you.

[Martin] Get some irons in the fire here. What's going on, kid?

[Jake] Finn.

[Finn] $50 buy in, fellas.

[Jake] Yeah, yeah. Look, we're lookin' for 2 sisters, all right? Did 2 girls show up here this morning?

[Finn] Hey, our customers appreciate their privacy, you know? I mean, this could jeopardize my livelihood. I got people to support.

[Jake] Finn, you live alone. You know, except for your cat.

[Mal] Maybe this will help your dependents.

[Finn] Okay, inside, craps table. Now boys, don't go makin' a racket. This is a new job for me, right? So you know, be discrete.

[Martin] All right, no problem.

Thank you.

[Finn] Still a $50 minimum buy in, Jake. You know, rules is rules.

[Mal] You're not playing with my money.

[Martin] I got ya, kid.

[Finn] Enjoy your game, boys.

Keep 'er clean.

[Mal] Thanks, Finn.

[Martin] She's at the craps table. She's the blonde right there. See her?

[Jake] Hey, um, listen. Do me a favour. One 50, on 15, black.

[electric taser charging]

[Mal] What?

[Jake] What the hell...

[Mal] A taser?

[Martin] Yeah. Well, not for Toni, it's for the bounty hunter.

[Jake] The wh... the bounty hunter?

[Mal] You said she was the sister.

[Martin] No, no. Bounty hunter.

[Toni] He found me!

[Martin] Let her go, Siobhan.

Let her go, she's comin' with me.

[Siobhan] Go home, old man. This is my retirement plan.

[Martin] Well I'm sorry to have to tell ya, but I'm gonna rob your little nest egg.

[Jake] Whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Rick] You! Take a breath, boys.

[Mal] Martin?

[Rick] Wrists on the table.

[Siobhan] I don't know who you're dealing with here, but she's mine!

[Rick] I'm taking her with or without your arm.

[Siobhan] I found her once.

It'll be even easier to track down the two of you.

[Rick] I won't be hiding.

[Jake] You mind tellin' us what you're not tellin' us here?

[Rick] Back up! You, drop the taser. Cut her loose.

[Jake] Why me?

[Rick] Shut up and do it!

[Jake] All right, all right, all right. Wish me luck, all right.

[screaming]

[Rick] Hand it over.

[Toni] Please!

[Martin] Jake, Jake. We gotta stop them.

[Leslie] Police! Everybody's hands behind their heads.

[Mal] Every time Martin Poole comes to town, I end up in jail.

[Jake] Aw, this is just great.

[Allison] Are you okay? What are you doing here?

[Jake] It's nice, you know, runnin' into you like this in the middle of a workday.

[Allison] I'm not joking. What are you involved in, exactly?

[Jake] I'm working on a case.

What do you want me to say?

[Allison] What do I want you to say? Uh, well, I don't know, you're in jail.

[Jake] It happens, big deal.

[Allison] Whatever the case with the accountant, drop it.

[Jake] Sorry, what was that?

[Allison] Toni Burke is bigger than you, Jake. Just do us both a favour and do as I say. Drop it.

[Jake] Do as I say? Am I hearing you right?

[Allison] You know what, I don't have time for this. I, I shouldn't even be in here. You know, I'm just gonna pretend that you are some lowlife degenerate who got picked up gambling in some lowlife casino.

[Jake] Well, whatever turns you on.

[Allison] You know what would turn me on? Is if you grew up.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to give you crap. I can't talk to you about this case, Jake. It's huge. I just need you to stay out of it.

[Leslie] Ms. Jenkins.

[Allison] Sergeant. Mr. Doyle.

[Leslie] We're not pressing charges, you're free to go.

[Mal] Thank you very much.

[Leslie] We're not feeding ya, if that's what ya think.

[Mal] Girlfriend, she pissed?

[Jake] Leslie?

[Mal] I was referring to the lawyer, Allison.

[Jake] Oh, yeah. I was, um, I, I. Yeah.

[Mal] They must be sitting on something big. We can't trust a word Martin says anyway.

[Jake] Yeah, I tell ya, I was really looking forward to the payday.

[Mal] My gut's telling me to walk away.

[phone ringing]

[coughing]

[Jake] Martin, I can't talk to you, all right? So, this is goodbye.

[Martin] No, no, no, no. Okay, look, you gotta get here. I got trouble.

[Jake] You... he's got trouble.

You got trouble? We are in jail, all right? And some guy with an axe almost took our head off, plus he had a friggin' machine g*n, for God's sake.

[Martin] Look, there's a couple unforeseen bumps in the road, I'll give you that one, okay?

But, look, if you ever want to see your pretty little blue car again, you'll get yourself down here.

[Jake] Whoa, whoa, whoa. What'd you say?

[Martin] I'm here at, uh, Lou's automotive, or something like that on "logee" bay road. Does that ring a bell?

[Jake] Logy bay road, it's logy bay road. What do you mean you got my car? You son... I have to go get a cab.

♪

[Jake] Thanks a lot. Hey! Do you want to note your time of death, or will I?

[Martin] Relax, keys are in the ignition. Everything's fine, not a scratch on her.

[Jake] Look, how many times did I have to tell you? We do this my way or not at... not at all.

What the hell is that?

[Martin] Plan kinda changed, so...

[Jake] What is wrong with you?

Watch my back. Have you lost your mind? Ju... just... get a hold of yourself, all right?

[Martin] Hey! Get outta here, thee girl comes with me!

[Rick] You're a dead man!

[Martin] Well, I got a feeling that your firearms are in this vehicle over here, otherwise you'd be sh**ting back by now.

Am I right? Get outta here. Go get yourself some, uh, fish and chips, or boiled cabbage or something. Run!

[g*nsh*t]

[Jake] You know what? You're a bigger... gimme that... bigger idiot than I thought you were.

[Martin] Oh God.

[Toni] Oh. I knew you'd find me.

Ah.

[Martin] Oh. Jake Doyle, I want you to meet Toni Burke. My wife.

Show him the ring, honey.

[Jake] Okay, the cops are going to be looking for you everywhere.

[Mal] And they're gonna connect us to it, for sure.

[Martin] The important thing is that I got what I wanted. We're gonna get your money... just not from a bounty, I guess. But we're gonna pay out of our own pocket. Can everybody just relax here.

[Rose] Martin! Why weren't you just straight with us from the start.

[Martin] Well, I wanted to be. I just thought, you know, I didn't want emotions to come into play here. And of course I wanted to spare Rosie's feelings and... Why would you have to spare her feelings?

[Martin] I'm just joking! I barely know the woman. You don't get... oh, forget it. Just relax.

[Mal] I'm done with this. Call the cops.

[Toni] No, please. I can't go to jail.

[Martin] That guy back there, he was sent by the bikers. Toni here used to be their accountant.

[Toni] I stole 3 million dollars. If I go to jail, I'm dead. If I testify, I'll be dead before the trial.

[Rose] All this just keeps getting better and better.

[Martin] Of course, the cops want her to testify 'cause she can supply details of the inner workings of the whole organization. You get it.

[Toni] The bikers can find me anywhere. That means we have to keep on the move.

[Martin] Oh yeah, we gotta keep on the move.

[Toni] Why would you want to spare her feelings?

[Martin] Okay, we used to be married, okay?

[Rose] Oh boy.

[Martin] Long time ago.

[Toni] You were married to her.

[Martin] Yeah.

[Rose] It's okay, honey.

[Martin] Don't be like that.

[Toni] How long? How long were you married to her?

[Rose] 20 years. Give or take.

[Toni] What?

[Martin] Just be cool about this. You know you're the one that I love... You were married to her for twenty years...

[Martin] I told you that already, I meant it.

[Toni] You married her 20 years ago. I think you need shut up...

[Martin] Just relax. There's people here. If you get us out of dodge, I swear to God I'll pay you the 3 hundred grand. As soon as we get the cash.

[Jake] As son as you get it?

What do you mean? She stole 3 million dollars from the bikers.

[Martin] Offshore. What do you think? She smuggled it out in her purse every night from the clubhouse? We spent everything we had hiding her out here.

[sirens in distance]

[Jake] Fine, whatever. We're going to drop you off at a bus station, understand?

[Mal] We don't want your money.

Just want your word that you'll walk away and never come back.

[Rose] Here here.

[Toni] Here here.

[Jake] Either way, uh, the cops are probably waiting for you downstairs right now. So I have a plan. We have to split up.

[Martin] Split up?

[Jake] We can talk about the whole money thing after, you know, when dad's not around.

[Des] I'm Des Courtney, junior p. I.
, Doyle and Doyle investigations.

[Jake] Whatever, just shut up.

All right? I need you and Tinny to get down at here right away.

[Des] No problem, bro. Uh, whatever you need, I got your back, bro.

[Jake] Why do you keep calling me bro? What is wrong with you?

You sound like an idiot.

[Des] You got it, whatever you need, no matter how grueling...

And Jake? Uh, Jake? Jake?

[Tinny] Subtle.

[Des] Brothers always understand each other.

[Tinny] It's gonna take more than just words, Des.

[Des] Okay, come with me. And bring the pain K*llers.

[Leslie] Hold on a second, Jake.

I told you to stay out of this.

[Jake] Hi, how you doing?

[Leslie] Ma'am, take off your coat. Ma'am?

[Mal] Migraine. The light aggravates it like crazy.

[Leslie] What did you do?

[Jake] Me? I, uh, didn't do anything.

[Leslie] If you're lying, Jake.

I swear to God.

♪

[Des] Oh. What are we doing here, Mr. Poole?

[Tinny] We gotta get them to the bus station, and it might take some muscle.

[Martin] I'm trying to find that weird little guy that runs this place. He still owes, uh, Toni here, like 800 bucks. We're going to Montreal, we need some cash.

[Tinny] I thought you had 3 million bucks!

[Martin] Well not on me, sweetheart.

[Des] Yeah, but this is in and out, right? 'Cause Jake trusted me to get you to the bus station.

[Martin] Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. As soon as we get the cash... [taser buzzing]

[Martin] Oh!

[Des] Oh, crap.

[Siobhan] Toni.

[Toni] This is not happening.

[Siobhan] Yes, it is.

[Des] Ma'am, ma'am. I'm going to have to insist that you drop the taser.

[Siobhan] Is that right?

[Des] Mmm-hmm. Argh! Don't tell Jake.

[Tinny] Why don't I just save you some batteries and get down.

[Siobhan] Probably in your best interest. Let's go.

[grunting]

[Tinny] Shut up.

[Jake] Des? Did you get 'em to the bus station in time.

[Tinny] She took Toni. She had a taser, there was noting we could do. Des tried.

[Jake] Oh my God, Tinny. I am so sorry. I should have never got you involved in all of this. Are you all right?

[Tinny] I'm fine. They're a little spun, but, uh, on the way out Toni dropped a napkin from the highland hotel.

[Jake] Okay, great. Good work.

[Tinny] Listen, take Des with you. He did good. Like, he did terrible, but he was trying.

Give him a chance.

[Jake] What are you talking about? Are you going soft on me?

[Tinny] No. Come on, Jake. He looks up to you.

[Jake] All right, fine.

Whatever, I'll take Des. You just tell him to meet me there and stay out of my way, or whatever.

[Des] Oh. I'm okay. I'm okay.

[Leslie] Bill?

[Mayor Clarke] Hey you. Hey!

[Leslie] How do you have time to be down here? Don't you got a city to run?

[Mayor Clarke] Yeah, yeah... no, I was just, uh, just looking into something here.

[Leslie] What's this?

[Mayor Clarke] Oh, you know, I was just, uh, checking a reference.

[Leslie] Jake Doyle? What are you hiring a P.I. to spy on me?

[Mayor Clarke] Uh, no. Not quite.

[Leslie] Is he, uh... Bill, is he bothering you? Is he causing you trouble?

[Mayor Clarke] I'd rather not talk about it, honestly, uh.

It's awkward, but, uh, let's just say it's above your pay grade.

[Leslie] Oh. Okay.

[Mayor Clarke] I'm sorry. Just one of the complications of you and me, you know? This stuff.

You can't take it personally.

[Leslie] I get it. I don't. Uh, I wouldn't.

[Mayor Clarke] Great. Well I'll see you later, and, uh... [Leslie] I'll see ya.

[Mayor Clarke] See ya.

[Leslie] Bye.

[Des] Highland hotel, you found the place. Was there a lot of traffic? Did you have trouble finding it?

[Jake] Yeah?

[Leslie] Jake, why is the Mayor putting reference checks on you?

[Jake] What the hell are you talking about?

[Leslie] Look, don't lie to me.

[Jake] Leslie, why would I lie to you?

[Leslie] Are you messing in my life here? Are you messing with him?

[Jake] Why would I be messing in your life?

[Leslie] Jake, I know there's something between us. I know that. But you gotta let me get on with my life. Okay? Bill is good to me. Would you please, don't mess with this?

[Jake] Leslie, I am not messing with anything. He, uh, I think, maybe, he offered me a job or whatever. Maybe that's it.

[Leslie] A job?

[Jake] Yeah. And look, trust me.

You made yourself very clear.

You don't want anything to do with me. That's fine. So, have a nice life.

[Des] Hey, hey, hey! Is that the, the bounty hunter's car?

Pretty good P.I. work, huh? I mean, not to take anything away from you. I think you're really good at your job. I think you're really good at your job.

[Jake] I am not in the mood.

[Des] Okay, shutting up. Right now. So, taser's not so bad, hey? I mean, I'm still walking right? I'm just a little shaken from endurance training, working out.

[Jake] What is this? What are you doing here?

[Des] I just feel like we're, cut from the same cloth, you know? Tough as hammers. Tough as nails.

[Jake] I know that you're always in my way, and, uh, you're always getting on my nerves, and you're always annoying the hell out of me.

[Des] Yeah?

[Jake] But you gotta know, you don't need to be like me, okay?

In fact, don't be like me. You can do much better. Just be yourself. Be... Des.

[Toni] Help! Help!

[Des] You hear that? Someone's in the trunk.

[Toni] Martin! Martin, is that you?

[Jake] Hello!

[Toni] Help! Martin, please...

[Jake] Toni! Yes, hang on... [taser buzzing]

[Des] Ugh!

[Siobhan] Nighty night.

[Jake] Ah!

[Jake] Who are you?

[Toni] Toni Burke, nice to meet you.

[Jake] Where are we?

[Toni] Oh, wine cellar. She locked us in here? How's your head?

[Jake] It hurts. So where is the, happy bounty hunter?

[Toni] Siobhan? You pissed her off. She's probably at the casino. Small victories seem to spawn her addiction.

[Jake] Obviously she'll be back.

So, we gotta find a way out of here.

[Toni] I already tried that.

We're here, may as well enjoy ourselves, right?

[Jake] Give me that. I meant the corkscrew.

[Toni] Oh.

[Jake] What the hell. Ah. That's not bad.

[Martin] Gosh, that's right. I just love her so much.

[Rose] Oh.

[Martin] No offense.

[Rose] Oh gosh, none taken.

[Martin] Are you sure?

[Rose] Believe me.

[Mal] Come on, Jake. Answer the phone. Come on! Can't find Jake.

[Martin] I hope he gets here in time.

[Mal] Try not to worry.

[Martin] It's hard not to. Boy, you must be proud of that son of yours.

[Mal] Yeah.

[Martin] I'm very impressed with him.

[Mal] You want a drop?

[Martin] Oh, please.

[Rose] Grand idea, I'll get it.

Uh, well, straight up... splash of water, right?

[Martin] You got an amazing woman. You're a lucky man.

[Mal] She amazes me everyday.

You stay the hell away from her.

[Martin] Hey, where's Toni?

[Mal] Des? Where's Jake?

[Des] Who gets tasered twice in one day? Really, it's not fair.

[Rose] Aw, baby.

[Mal] You smell like burning hair.

[Martin] Where's Toni?

[Des] Me and Jake, we found Toni, and then, the evil taser bounty hunter lady... she zapped me and then she took off with Jake and Toni.

[Rose] Aw. Okay, where are they now, Des?

[Des] Aw, track him. I should of had Jake's back.

[Mal] Des? Where's Jake? Come on.

[Des] I put, I put a phone in Jake's bug.

[Martin] Is this kid on dr*gs?

[Rose] Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Des] I put a bug in Jake's phone a couple weeks ago, in case something like this happened. It's on, it's on my, uh, my, uh, it's on my laptop.

[Rose] Laptop!

[Martin] Oh, a bug on the computer.

[Des] Mal, Mal. Is cake a food group?

[Rose] We gotta get him looked at.

[Mal] Des!

[Toni] Who knows? I mean, if we weren't in this mess, maybe Martin and I, we wouldn't have never have happened.

[Jake] Yeah well, there's nothing like...

[Laughing]

[Jake] Being chased by bikers, a bounty hunter and law enforcement to get a marriage all spiced up.

[Toni] He's not like that. He's, he's, um...

[Toni] Creepy ex-con?

[laughing]

[Toni] No! No, Jake. We were made for each other. The moment we met, we were in love.

[Jake] Really?

[Toni] We fight like pit bulls, but... he pushes me and that's what he does. He pushes me, and you know, he makes me a better person. And, everyone should be as lucky as I am to have someone like him.

[Jake] Yeah, well whatever floats your bobber.

[Toni] People think that they're in love, and then it actually happens to 'em. And it's amazing. Maybe it's happened to you.

[Jake] Yeah. Maybe. I think I got it!

[Toni] Woo hoo! You know, Jake, I am really, really sorry but how do I know you're not going to turn me into the bikers?

[Jake] What? Oh.

[Rose] Hey!

[Tinny] What happened?

[Rose] Well, the poor thing got tasered again.

[Tinny] Okay. Is he okay?

[Rose] Yeah, I'm gonna take him to the doctor but I think he'll be fine.

[Tinny] Whatever. He can't get any worse, hey?

[Rose] You look kinda worried.

[Tinny] Worried?

[Rose] Yeah.

[Tinny] No, I'm not.

[Rose] Okay. We all love him and worry about him, it's okay. It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

[Tinny] Let's just get him in the car, okay?

[Rose] Desmond! Come on, dear, get up. You're fine.

[Tinny] Come on.

[Rose] Come on, you're fine.

[Tinny] Come on buddy.

[Rose] That's it, come on.

[Tinny] Good guy.

[Rose] Let's get you in the car.

Okay, okay, that's it. There we go. You look pretty good.

[Des] Yellow.

[Rose] Yeah, yellow is good colour for you.

[Jake] Oh man, Martin. That wife of yours, she's real doll.

[Martin] Okay, where's Toni?

Where did she go? Where's Toni?

Huh?

[Jake] She bashed me in the head, and then she bailed.

[Martin] That's her. She's got trust issues. We gotta find her before the bikers find her.

[Mal] Yeah. And Rose took Des to the hospital. I better go pick 'em up.

[Martin] I gotta find Toni.

[Jake] I got a plan, I think.

[Martin] Gotta find her.

[Jake] I think it might work.

It's our only option. Guys, I need a ride. I don't actually have her, but I think I can get her.

[Allison] You're harbouring a fugitive. Do you know what kind of trouble you're in?

[Jake] I think I have a, um, solution, that will benefit both mutual parties.

[Allison] Is that right?

[Jake] Yes. You just have to hear me out, okay? Okay so, Toni needs to testify against the bikers, right? In Montreal. So, what if we set a trap to lure out the biker dude. And then, you capture him, and then you get Toni. But you gotta promise, though, that, uh, Toni and Martin, they'll be safe. And you put them in like a witness... a protection or something.

[Allison] That's exactly what we've been trying to do, Jake.

This is a huge case on both sides of the border, and we need her testimony and the money.

[Jake] No problem. I just gotta find her before the bounty hunter finds her. And before the bikers find her. Hello.

[Allison] Are you drunk?

[Jake] Sort of. It was a work drinking thing. Don't be like that.

[cell phone ringing]

[Jake] Hello.

[Martin] Meet me at the office.

[Jake] Martin. Where are you? Do you have her? Are you there? I think he hung up.

[Allison] Did they get her?

[Jake] I don't know. But, you just give me an hour and I, I will sort this out. Okay? Okay, I have been drinking a little bit, obviously. And I just, I need to get a cab. Do you have any money?

♪

[Jake] Martin. What the hell happened?

[Martin] I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't get much choice.

♪Yeah-eee-yeah-eee-yeah- eee-yeah♪

[Rick] Where's the girl?

[Jake] Oh, buddy. You got serious anger issues. I don't think you're ready for a girlfriend right now.

[Martin] What did I do? Look, if you want a girl I got her number in my phone, I'll...

[Rick] We can do this all day.

But this, the blunt end of this is gonna break your shins.

[Jake] If I knew anything, I'd tell ya. I swear to God, I'm not really the strong, silent type.

[knocking]

[Leslie] Jake, would you open the door?

[Rick] Shh.

[Leslie] I can hear you in there. Can we just talk? Please.

[Rick] Don't do anything stupid.

Let's go. Say the wrong thing and the first b*llet's going into her head.

[Jake] This is not really a very good time.

[Leslie] Look, I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm obviously a little sensitive when it comes to us, so. Are you okay? What happened to you?

[Jake] Uh, slept funny. Yeah, I should really get back to what I was doing, so...

[Jake] Oh, you're not alone.

Sorry. I am alone. I am alone, I'm alone.

[Leslie] Are you sure you're okay?

[Jake] Yeah, this? No, I just... I woke up and I... you know me, I'm an idiot, I fell over, and I smacked my head.

[Leslie] I just wanted to tell you that I sorry and I've been thinking about this for a while, and Jake, you were, you were right.

[Jake] No, no. I'm never right.

That's just crazy talk.

[Leslie] I was thinking. I can't stop thinking about you. About us. Why are we doing this? Why are we doing this, Jake? Why are we hiding from the truth? It's stupid. Have you ever thought what if? You and me, I mean.

[Jake] No. I haven't. So, go away now.

[Leslie] What?

[Jake] Just go away. Leslie, I don't want you here. Go away, go away. Bye. See ya.

[Leslie] Jake, what are...

[Jake] Look, what do you want me to say? We gave it a sh*t, and you, um, you kind of broke my heart, so. What's left to, uh, debate about, right? Just, like you to leave. Leave! Please.

[Leslie] I'm sorry. This was a mistake.

[Rick] That was heavy, man.

Sorry about that.

[Jake] Yeah, well...

[Rick] Really.

[Jake] Why don't you go screw yourself?

[Martin] Nice, nice! Go! Go right now. Find her. Find Toni!

♪

[sobbing]

♪

[Allison] Yes, of course, Mr. Mayor. I agree. I would hate to see the R.N.C. look foolish on your watch. Yes, if the Doyles find her, we'll have to lean on them.

Well, that's their problem. They need to learn they can't mess with the respect of the R.N.C.

Yes, well I'll keep you posted.

Yeah... you just let me worry about Jake Doyle.

♪

[Jake] Toni, they've got Martin.

I gotta see you right now. Toni!

[Toni] Oh my God, what... are you okay?

[Jake] Yeah, yeah, never mind about that. Look, he's got your husband. And if you want him to live, we've only got one option.

[Toni] Whatever it takes.

[Jake] Yeah, it's, uh, me. I've got what you're looking for. We need to make a trade.

[Rick] No one need's to get sh*t. The old man for the girl, like you said on the phone.

[Martin] I don't want you here, I don't want her involved with this.

[Rick] Would you shut up?

[Jake] We, uh, got a slight change in, uh, plan here. Still do a trade. But I don't want this tool. You know what a pain in the ass he's been?

[Rick] We had a deal.

[Jake] I know we have a deal, but I have debts.

[Rick] You want cash? Sure.

[Jake] No, no, no, no cash, okay? I can't trust that it's not some counterfeit crap that you're gonna hand off to me, or, or marked bills or something. I want cocaine.

[Martin] Aw, come on.

[Rick] Are you out of your mind?

[Jake] That's an excellent question. You're a high roller, right? You must have a couple of bRicks of coke back there worth at least 100 grand.

[Martin] Yeah, they're gonna k*ll her. Don't you get how that works?

[Rick] All right. It doesn't matter. You won't live long enough to sell it.

[Jake] Yeah, well, I'll wait.

[Mal] Come on, Jake. Make him sing.

[Leslie] He better not screw this up, Malacky.

[Mal] Ah, he'll get it done.

[Des] I feel like I'm at the kid's table again. You know, if I hadn't let Martin talk me into going into a casino, they'd be long gone by now.

[Tinny] Actually, yeah. It kind of is your fault.

[Des] What do I do?

[Tinny] I don't know, Des. But if you're going to earn respect, you're going to have to step it up. I'm just giving you the gears, bud. Don't worry about it so much.

[Des] Yeah, but you're right.

Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap.

Isn't that the, the bounty hunter lady who tasered me?

[Tinny] Yeah, that's her.

[Des] Man oh man.

[Tinny] Chill out.

[Des] She's going to ruin the whole sting. Okay, you, uh... you wait here.

[taser charging]

[Tinny] Where did you get that... Des?

[Jake] I'm the kind of guy that brings a taser to a taser fight, you know? You know?

[Tinny] You can't afford the brain cells if she zaps you again!

♪

[Siobhan] What do you want?

[Des] Do you enjoy hurting others?

[Siobhan] What?

[Des] I'm here to say no. I've had enough. And the world has too.

[Siobhan] At are you talking about?

[Des] Uh. Uh. Ahh, Tinny!

[Martin] I can't believe you're selling me out. Anything happens to her, I swear to God I'll get you.

[Jake] Shut up.

[Rick] There you go. That'll net you 100 thousand dollars. You'll never get a chance to sell it.

[Jake] What is it?

[Rick] It's cocaine. It's the biggest mistake you ever made.

Hand over the girl!

[Jake] It's been a pleasure doing business with you. I mean, except for the part where you were, you know, b*ating the crap out of me.

[Rick] Yeah, you're welcome.

[Jake] Absolutely. In 3, 2, 1.

Aw! It would have been awesome if that had worked.

[Police] Put your g*n down, now!

Put the g*n down now. Freeze!

[Martin] It worked.

[Police] Put it down! Now!

[Toni] Martin!

[Martin] Ha-ha. Hey baby, how you doin'? That was great.

Beautifully. I knew it, I knew he was pulling something here.

[Police] Got anything else on you? We got a set of bracelets here for you...

[Martin] I knew you had a play on there. Did you see how I backed it up?

[Jake] Yeah, you were a real pro.

[Martin] So were you.

[Inaudible]. Yeah, you want to sh**t? Go ahead.

[Jake] Leslie, don't sh**t.

Don't sh**t.

[Leslie] Hold fire.

[Martin] All right, I got a way out of this. It's gonna be fine.

[Leslie] Put the g*n down, Martin!

[Martin] Anybody follows me and I'll stick one right in his dumbass head. You got that? Let your little buddies know, too.

Yeah, you're driving.

♪

[Martin] Okay, just take it easy. Sorry about the cheap theatrics but I really had to make it look real.

[Jake] Yeah, well you could have just asked me for a ride. Plus, there's no b*ll*ts in the g*n.

[Martin] Why would you take a g*n like this to the o-k corral with no b*ll*ts in it?

[Jake] I don't like b*ll*ts. Or g*ns, really.

[Martin] For me and Toni, this is it, Jake. Uh, this is our one last chance. Now your gag worked pretty good with the coke there, you drew the guys out. Now your cop girlfriend there, if she can't flip this guy, nobody can.

Right?

[Jake] Yeah, I think you're right about that.

[Martin] Yeah, so we're cool.

[Toni] Cops don't need me anymore.

[Jake] We are cool.

[Toni] Sorry about the wine bottle. Couldn't be sure.

[Martin] Oh, make sure you say goodbye to Mal and Rose for me, will ya?

[Jake] Don't worry about it. And listen, uh, enjoy Mexico.

[Martin] Thank you! Where do you think you're going?

[Toni] I'm driving...

[Jake] Yeah, dad. It's done. It looks like they're going to be okay. What are you gonna do?

[Mal] Don't know why you insist on never putting b*ll*ts in a g*n, but it was a good plan.

Nice work, son. What a day.

[Rose] Oh, never a dull moment.

What's this? Admit it, you had fun. Martin. P.S. I.O.U. 300 thousand.

[Mal] Whatever. I'm just glad he's gone.

[Rose] Ugh. Me too. Me too. So, real husband, what do you say?

Bed?

[Mal] Race ya upstairs.

[Rose] On your mark. Get set.

Go! Oh, you get a head start, you pushed me...

[Jake] Oh.

[knocking]

[Jake] Hmm.

[Leslie] Hi.

[Jake] Hi.

[Leslie] Can we talk?

[Jake] Absolutely. Come in.

[Leslie] I wanted to tell you something.

[Jake] No, no. I know you do.

Please, me first, okay? About before, I, I didn't mean anything I said.

[Leslie] No, you don't get it.

[Jake] No, you don't get it. I had a biker's g*n to my head.

[Leslie] Really?

[Jake] Yes, really. Plus there was an axe.

[Leslie] Ah, I see.

[Jake] Anyway, forget about all that. The point is, um, I had to get you out of here very quickly because he was going to k*ll you. And, um, had to say a lot of things, and, the honest truth is I didn't mean any of them.

[Leslie] Yeah, but maybe you were right.

[Jake] No, no. No. No, I'm never right about anything.

[Leslie] Jake, we can't do this.

[Jake] No, I guess we can't, eh?

I have a girlfriend, for God's sake. What am I saying?

[Leslie] She seems nice.

[Jake] Yeah. Well, the Mayor, maybe he's not the spaz I thought he was. You know?

[Leslie] Are you all right?

[Jake] Yeah, I'm fine.

[Leslie] This is gonna hurt.

[Jake] Ow!