01x04 - Big Time Crib

[bunniefuu]

Five hours of dancing.

Seven hours of harmonies.

And I sweated through 14 bandannas.

Thank goodness we can escape the stresses of Hollywood at the amazing palmwoods pool.

[Bell rings] What's this?

I didn't order extras.

We live here. This is our pool.

No, this is the set for the sexy dog dog food commercial, starring lightning the tv wonder dog.

All: Hey, lightning.

Strike the boys.

What's that?

Uh!

Well, at least we can recharge in the stylish palmwoods lobby.

Ah, the four hockey players from Minnesota.

I'm not getting a friendly vibe.

No loitering in the lobby after 9:00.

Oh, look at the time.

9:01.

Then there's the gracious interior of our very own apartment 2-j.

[Farting sounds]

Both: This place is horrible.

[Crash!]

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ where you go big time ♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪
♪ never quitin', make it real ♪
♪ when you're going big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

# oh-oh, oh-oh #

# hey, hey #

♪ go and shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪
♪ go and make your luck ♪
♪ with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it ♪

♪ big time ♪

[bell dinging]

What? I'm busy.

We'd like a nicer apartment, please.

How come every one else gets one of those cool apartments?

And ours is a big time dump.

2j, a dump?

If by "dump," you mean "really cool."

As you know, the palmwoods is home of the future famous.

Do you know how many showbiz legends have stayed in this very room?

Do you know how many stains and smells there are in this very room?

If you spill, it's a stain.

When Lindsay Lohan throws up chocolate milk, it's history.

And this slight blemish, the result of a Shia LaBeouf indoor soccer game.

No soccer in the rooms.

And are you telling me that you're too good for the tv enjoyed by Kanye West when he was known around here as lil' Kanye West?

Can we at least paint the place?

No, 'cause your lease specifically states that there will be no painting...

No hanging of personal pictures I'll allow this one.

No construction of any kind.

And there is no way I am putting four hockey-playing hooligans into one of my finer apartments.

So installing an indoor swirly slide is completely out of the question?

This matter, like this door, is closed.

I'm surprised the pipe didn't burst.

Pipe just burst.

Yep.

We need a new crib.

Yeah, right, like that's just gonna fall from the sky.

We call it the ultimate teen crib.

Filled with amazing home electronics, arcade games...

A swirly slide!

[Ding!]

Cool, right?

Put a swirly slide in my office.

Griffin, I don't know what this is, but I need to work with the dogs on harmonies today.

Change your plans.

Our ancient japanese founder, Mr. Fujizaki, wants to dump our music division.

But your boys are going to change his mind.

And we get to live in there?

Yes...

For two hours.

But you have to do a promotional video, surrounded by rcm/cbt/
global net/sanyoid products, which will show Fujizaki why our future rock stars are perfect for selling his blenders, plasma tvs, and m*ssile defense systems.

Oh, and do some interviews.

You know, why they love to sing, why they wear that helmet, and why they love rcm/cbt/
global net/sanyoid arcade games, industrial-strength playground slides, and the new xz5 micro laptop.

Look how tiny.

And we could all wear bandannas. It could be our thing.

Bandannas.

Griffin, you can't keep coming into my studio every day and interrupting my training sessions.

Yes, I can.

And do the interviews by the water.

Fujizaki thinks water is lucky.

It's weird.

But you want a performance in the teen hangout crib thing.

Exactly.

And I need it in two days, or the music division will be gone.

But have fun with it.

Okay, we'll build the teenage crib here in studio "a."

I'll find a nice beach location for the interviews and put in some calls for a hot director.

I'm a hot director.

And we're doing everything here, because it's easier, quicker, and cheaper.

You, I want to show you where you're gonna build this thing.

[Harp glissando]

[Trumpet fanfare]

[Farting sound]

No. No way. It's impossible.

A week ago, we were a hockey team in Minnesota.

And today we're a band in L.A.

Anything is possible.

Okay, you have a point. But how are we gonna get all this in here?

Take any color you want.

We're not wearing bandannas in the video, okay?

You know what? You guys never support my risky fashion choices.

Now, the first ste is getting the set designer to build the ultrateen crib here and not rocque records.

Yeah, that's simple.

And how are we gonna do that?

Logan, are you forgetting that palmwoods is home of the future famous?

Wait for it.

Trevor, I trusted you with my heart, my soul, my money.

Camille.

What?

All: We need to borrow your acting.

Sure.

I need this installed by 3:00 P.M. tomorrow at the palmwoods, not rocque records.

Can you do it?

Because if you can't, Mr. Griffin will find somebody who can.

Yeah, it's all pre-built here. And the paint will be dry by 3:00.

Good.

Call Mr. Griffin on this number only, if you have any more questions or run into any problems.

Back to work, everybody.

[Phone rings]

Arthur Griffin's office.

One moment, please.

Do your Griffin impression now.

Ow!

Hello?

Uh-huh.

Yes.

Move that set to the palmwoods, now.

Okay, I need to touch my llama now. Bye.

Yes!

Yes!

I owned them in there.

All you've done is set us up for big-time trouble.

Oh, our little logey, so pessimistic.

So scared of everything.

And so hot.

Okay.

And I'm not scared.

I'm realistic, as in, what are you gonna tell your mom about the crew that'll be invading your apartment tomorrow from 11:00 to 3:00?

Hey, I almost forgot.

I'm gonna go look for a job tomorrow, so I'll be gone from about 11:00 to 3:00.

Okay, that happened, but what now?

I have no idea.

Frankly, I can't believe we got this far.

Hey, look.

Wrist-dannas.

Okay, our next worry is Gustavo.

We need to find someone who can think like him.

Someone who can get inside his head.

Where are we gonna find someone that devious?

First, you're gonna need more future stars from the palmwoods.

I recommend the Jennifers for their lack of fear.

Next, you'll need cordless power tools, sawdust, cool code phrases, and...

Wait, Katie.

Where did you get the whiteboard?

[Coughing]

Speaking of bitters, you have to keep him in his cage all day.

But the key to this whole ultra 2-j makeover is convincing Gustavo to sh**t the interviews by the pool like that dog food commercial last night.

Right. And once our teen dream remodeling is complete, he'll have no time and no choice but to sh**t our rock performance right here.

And I get the first turn on the swirly slide.

I get first turn on the swirly slide.

I do!

No, I do!

You can go together.

Let's do this.

All: We're not wearing bandannas.

Bandannas are cool.

You cannot sh**t against this.

Yes, I can.

Fujizaki is gonna know that water is fake.

Fujizaki is 200 years old.

All he knows is what yogurt he likes.

Oh, yeah, and I say so!

He's in a bad mood. Abort mission.

Just stay cool. If we fail, we fail.

Heel.

Stay.

Speak.

We took some pictures of the pool at the palmwoods, the greatest pool ever, very lucky water.

It's a great location for the interviews.

Hot directors sh**t there all the time.

Swirly slide!

Oh, the dogs are directing my video now.

Well, let me tell you how it works here.

You are the dogs, and I am the trainer.

Now, sit.

Don't sit.

This pool looks great.

And it's close enough that we could be back here by 3:00

to sh**t the performance at the ultrateen hangout place.

Yeah.

So smart.

Oh, yeah!

No yeah!

You do what I say, and I say no, no, no!

[Loud crashing]

[Cat yowls]

Hey, let's do the interviews at the palmwoods.

Here's the check for the location fees. And thanks for making this happen.

There's also a "making this happen" fee for me making this happen.

$500?

I'll be in my office if you need me.

Mwah!

The bird is in the cage, and the Jennifers are in place.

Okay, team, remember your missions.

James, you stall Gustavo.

Carlos, Katie, and Camille, you head to rocque records and fake build the ultrateen crib while Logan and I install the swirly slide and all those other electronic goodies.

Okay, James is up first.

I'll sh**t the rest of you dogs later.

Move out.

Okay, I'm headed over to rocque records.

They should be building the crib now.

And be nice to the boys. And stop calling them dogs.

Kelly, here's a secret that you need to learn: All talent are dogs!

And dogs need to know who's in charge, or they will not listen to commands and poop on your carpet.

Just be back at the studio with the boys at 3:00.

James, sit.

Take off that bandanna.

Take off that bandanna.

Ah!

Whoa, whoa Whoa!

Where do you think you're going, little lady?

I'm Kelly Wainright.

I need to check on the ultrateen crib.

Sorry, can't come in.

No hard hat.

Liability.

Oh, well, I'll just get some coffee.

Come back later.

[Clicks tongue]

Was the eye black really necessary?

No.

The music really sets the tone, don't you think?

[Spy-themed music]

Jennifer, you're up.

Just to be clear, we get to be in the video, which will be seen by a lot of people, right?

Are you kidding?

It's gonna be seen in Japan.

Welcome to the palmwoods.

Elevators are that way.

And please do your best to remain quiet.

We wouldn't want to disturb our other residents.

I still say this is a bad idea.

Hey, a life without risk is a life unlived, my friend.

Now off to apartment 2-j.

Come on.

Okay, okay.

So far, so good.

Look, I told you there was nothing to worry about.

I love being a part of the rcm/cbt/ global net/sanyoid family.

But I hate their hair dryers.

Cut!

Just say what's on the card!

Why? They've completely ignored ionized technology.

You have said nothing that I can use in the last two hours.

And in no way am I purposely stalling you.

Where'd you get that bandanna?

A waffle? No, thanks.

I already ate.

Ah!

Ah!

[Phone rings]

It's the set designer.

I'm worried.

Uh, Griffin?

No.

Ow!

Hello?

Yeah, the room's too small.

So if you want that swirly slide to fit, we're gonna have to bust into the ceiling.

Is that okay?

Break through the ceiling? No, no. We'll be arrested.

Uh, sir, can we demolish the ceiling?

Yes.

Rip it up, boys.

You better be right about this taking risks thing.

Fire in the hole!

[Loud rumbling]

[Siren wails]

Code red, code red!

Bitters is on his way.

What is going on up here?

Please tell me you guys are good at teen scream horror flicks.

They're desperate.

We want talking parts in your next three videos.

You do all our ironing for the next month.

And we sing backup on your next track.

Done.

Where's the ketchup?

[Girls screaming]

The refrigerator you installed fell on us!

Do you know how bad blood stains?

And now we're gonna run to our lawyers and sue the palmwoods.

No, no, no. Please don't sue.

[All screaming]

Don't sue!

Don't sue!

Both: They're good.

[Drill whirring]

[Whirring stops]

No, no, no. No, no, no, no!

Oh, the batteries d*ed out.

Hey, is the set done?

[Clears throat]

Sorry, lady. Just a minute.

I need to see the set now, please.

Yeah.

No!

Carlos?

No! This is not Carlos.

Please go away.

Ah!

I am getting security.

And you really think this is gonna work?

It works in cartoons.

Okay, bitters is gone, and we just have to keep Gustavo occupied for one more hour.

I can't believe it. I think we're actually gonna make it.

I'm not even scared.

[Both scream]

Why are the Jennifers dripping ketchup all over my palmwoods?

Hey.

Dogs, interviews now!

Ah!

All done with my long interview.

Bitters. Code red, code red!

This is my house. You play by my rules.

Rah!

Ah!

And they said bandannas weren't cool?

I need to check on the ultrateen crib.

Oh, no.

I love all rcm/cbt/
global netsanyoid products.

And I hope to fill my room with them someday...

Soon.

And cut.

That was amazing.

[Phone rings]

What?

What?

Yeah, it came out really good, huh?

Uh...

It came out amazing.

Swirly slide!

Whoo!

Ah.

Eh.

There's no time to move the set back to the studio.

Uh.

[Laughs]

And the video has to be great for Fujizaki, or we are out of a job.

Uh!

[Grunting]

Light it and sh**t it!

♪ got to live it big time. ♪

cut! Print! And strike the set.

What's going on?

No, where are they going with that?

Where you going with that?

Back to the warehouse.

The whole couch?

Come on.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you dogs think you were gonna get to keep this stuff?

[Laughing]

Swirly!

Oh, that's really, really good.

The little dogs thought they outsmarted the big dog.

[Barking]

Take down that cool thing.

Oh, come on. The couch?

What? My slide.

Oh.

[Crash!]
[Farting sound]

But I do have to admit, we did get some pretty great stuff today.

Let's just hope Fujizaki thinks so tomorrow.

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ where you go big time ♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪

we love hockey.

We love singing.

And we have a blast together.

♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey ♪

why do I wear the helmet?

That was a rock.

♪ go on, shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪

I'm the smart one of the group, but don't be fooled.

I'm not afraid to take a risk, much like rcm's 64 bit core risc processor.

Ha!

♪ so you got to live it big time. ♪

I like the boys.

Yeah!

Yes!

[Coughing]

I've never seen Fujizaki so excited.

Frankly, I think it's the first time I've seen him move.

You were a good boy today, Gustavo.

Good boy.

So we learned a lot here today, didn't we?

You did some things.

We did some things.

Ten hours of harmonies!

No breaks!

Move out!

Hey!

Well, I love what you've done with the place.

Uh...

Good job today.

This is awesome.

This is a bone.

Come again?

I realized today, sort of, that if you really want to train dogs properly, you need to throw them a treat now and then.

So enjoy your treat.

You're not getting any more.

And we lost a day of rehearsal because of the sh**t, so it's at the studio, 7:30 a.M.

We'll be there. No problem.

We promise, no more surprises.

You've altered this room.

You've completely devastated this apartment.

You locked him in the supply closet?

No.

Bandanna man did.

This is a total lease violation.

Man, cool swirly slide.

I want all of you out of here tomorrow.

What if I add another grand to your "making it happen" fee?

Have a palmwoods day, everyone.

Enjoy your stay.

You like them.

They're not like other bands you've produced, are they?

They're dogs, and I'm training them.

I don't like them!