01x13 - Big Time Blogger

[bunniefuu]

Kelly!

What's with the cameras?

Gustavo wants you sh**t some videos for the future bit time rush website.

Cool.

Sweet.

So you future fans can get to know the real you.

Now, get sh**ting, and get the cameras back to me in the morning.

All right. All right.

This is James from Big Time Rush.

Enjoy.

Hey, guys, what's up? It's Carlos of Big Time Rush.

I'm gonna jump the pool on my rocket skates.

Check it out.

Okay, here we go.

Three, two, one.

Auuuugh!

[Upbeat electronic music]

This is what I call the hockey puck cam.

# you want to be famous#

# famous #

♪ you want to be the one who's living the life♪
♪ you want to be famous♪

This is the lobby.

Oh, and those are the elevators.

[Laughs] You know.

[All speaking simultaneously]

Hey, here are your videos.

There you go.

Enjoy.

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh ♪

Auuuugh!

♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ when you go big time♪
♪ what you know, what you feel ♪
♪ never quitin', make it real ♪
♪ when you're going big time ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ hey, hey listen to your heart now ♪
♪ hey, hey don't you feel the rush ♪

# oh-oh, oh-oh #

# hey, hey #

♪ go and shake it up ♪
♪ whatcha gotta lose ♪
♪ go and make your luck ♪

♪ with the life you choose ♪

♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪

♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it ♪
♪ big time ♪

Boys, our album comes out in three months, and given our recent web video disaster, it's time for phase two of my get Big Time Rush on the web so people will know about you and buy your album in three months.

Is that phase two under the sheet?

Guys, get ready, because today Big Time Rush is spending...

... A day with Dek.

Hollywood's number one entertainment music blogger.

Guys, Dak Zon was a nobody, until he spent the day ice fishing with Deke.

Then he became...

... "The reel deal."

And today it's Big Time Rush at the famous Palmwoods pool.

[Together] Oh, nice.

Cool, so we just have to hang out with this guy and be the real us.

[Laughter]

Both: No.

I don't want him anywhere near the real you.

You'll just knock him into the pool or slice off his arm with a hockey stick.

'Cause that's bad, right?

Yes, because if you have a bad day with Deke, your careers could end up like Tanyon Lavell's.

[Together] Who's Tanyon Lavell?

Both: Exactly.

And now, I present to you my day with Deke big time dog training preparation team.

[Horn wailing]

[Gong resounds]

Change them.

[Together] Ahhhhhh!

Hogging our free Internet again?

I'm trying to create a blog.

Should I go political pundit, or should I just post pictures of small animals with big heads?

Don't care.

Ugh, look at those geniuses.

She'll never make it to the door.

She'll make it further than him.

Care to make a friendly bet?

Hah! You lose.

That doesn't mean you're better than me.

Yeah, it does.

Boys, we've not only re created the Palmwoods pool setting for your day with Deke.

We've also re created Deke.

He's so tiny.

Please don't say that when you see him, because it is very important what he thinks of you.

Got it?

[Together] Got it.

Now, good luck with your training, my young padawans.

It begins... now.

Boys, we've analyzed every one of Deke's celebrity blogs and have the questions he's most likely to ask.

So let's get started.

Kendall, how would you describe BTR's music?

Oh, um, I'd say it's got some rock and...

[Buzzer buzzes]

Too long.

Deke wants juicy sound bites he can sink his blog into.

Say, "Big Time Rush is a fun mix of rock, pop, with a dash of R&B."

Logan, if you weren't in a band, what would you be doing right now?

Studying to be a doctor.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Wrong.

Deke is gonna think you're geeky.

Say you'd rather be snowboarding.

Snowboarding?

Both: Snowboarding.

Okay.

My lucky comb.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Yes.

[Buzzer buzzes]

No.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Maybe.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Apatosaurus?

[Buzzer buzzes]

Golden shoes.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Cheese sticks.

[Buzzer buzzes]

I'm getting a little frustrated here!

[Buzzer buzzes]

I was seven. I didn't know what I was doing.

[Buzzer buzzing repeatedly]

Would you stop it?

[Buzzer buzzing repeatedly]

v*olence.

[Buzzer buzzes]

Carlos, v*olence is never the answer.

The correct answer is seven.

Oh.

Okay, according to those answers, we predict Deke will think you're slightly more advanced than cavemen who like corn dogs.

Ahh! We can do better.

Hey, we are way more developed than cavemen, cromagnon even.

And we like hot dogs too.

We're just four hockey players who love singing, and we cant' wait for people to hear our first album.

[Dings]

Congratulations.

Deke now thinks big time rush is four dedicated, smart, and funloving guys who share a passion for music.

And he's looking forward to your album.

[Together] Yes!

Shouldn't we be helping the guys?

We are.

Welcome to phase three of my big time Internet blitz.

I'm giving the guys scuttlebutter accounts.

That way, they can text their fans what's the haps, only they won't be posting.

It'll be me, because they are stupid.

Please don't do that.

It's easy.

I signed up too.

You just scuttbutt fun facts about yourself.

"I hate brusselsprouts."

Done.

It's two words: Brussels sprouts.

All right, delete... Delete, backspace, and cut...

What just happened?

[Scoffs]

You just sent out a scuttbutt saying you hate Brussels, as in the capital of Belgium.

Ahhhh!

Who cares?

[Upbeat accordion music]

Phttthew!

Sacre bleu!

This record producer, he says he hates Brussels.

[All speaking simultaneously]

And now for a true test of skill, double or nothing.

It was a friendly bet.

It already is nothing, and I'm trying to think up a blog here.

Follow the ball.

Follow the ball.

Where it goes, nobody knows.

Middle.

Wrong.

What?

Dude, you should get out... now.

Just walk away.

Seriously.

Boys, say hello to body language expert to the stars, Mr. Fong.

What's with the biscuits?

No pointing!

Deke will think you are accusing.

Offer a gentle smile instead.

Ow.

Deke thinks you are shallow and only care about appearances.

Uh, is that bad?

Ouch!

Ow.

Never cross your arms!

Deke will think you are closed to him.

You want to be open.

Open, hehhehheh.

Better.

[Together] Ohhhh.

No slouching!

Ahhhh!

Show me.

Deke thinks you are... engaged.

He thinks you are... cool.

Eclectic!

Smoking hot!

Now you are ready for your day with deke.

[Together] Oh, yes!

Ohhhh!

What? Fong is hungry.

Boys, this is a test you cannot fail.

You need to make this a day deke will never forget.

What he thinks is what is.

And remember, our album comes out in three months, and the web is a powerful tool that can take BTR right to the top, and deke is a powerful man.

So you guys are Big Time Rush.

[Laughs]

You're so tiny.

[Keyboard tapping]

[Together] Yeah, we're Big Time Rush.

So how would you describe BTR's music?

Big time rush is a fun mix of rock, pop, with a dash of R&B.

[Tapping]

What would you be doing if you weren't in a pop band?

Um... snowboardin'.

It's kind of my thing.

Oh, yes.

You know, half pipe.

And who are you?

Me?

I'm James.

[Tapping]

I love the web, web, web, web.

Right now the boys are winning over deke, and thanks to scuttlebutter, I'm getting the big time word out all over the world.

Why are you on TV?

Gustavo Rocque is back in the news for sparking outrage in Belgium.

After posting on scuttlebutter that he hates Brussels, Belgian Americans in L.A.'s little Antwerp, are burning his records and boycotting his latest project: Big time rush.

Ahhhhh!

Okay, done.

Wait, what? That's it?

"Big time rush is just another band "forcefed upon us by the music industry.

"From the blogger that only writes the truth, "it's clear they are full of rehearsed sound bites, choreographed body language, and no real substance."

Ahh!

"I suspect their words, hair, wardrobe, "and singing is done for them.

Don't buy their album."

Bye.

Well, training didn't work.

It's time for plan b, as in be ourselves.

[Together] Come on. Get him. Get him.

Wait, deke. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

We're sorry. That wasn't us out there.

Just give us a second chance.

And you can't leave yet. It's "a day with deke."

Yeah, not "five minutes with deke."

My blog seeks the truth, and the truth here is, you're nothing but overdressed corporate potbots.

Ahh!

Now, I am going back to the coffee shop to proof this and then post it to my blog and tell everyone that Big Time Rush is a big waste of time.

[Together] Hey. James.

What was that?

Plan c?

Ohohohohhh.

Okay, we disconnected the Palmwoods' WiFi so deke can't post his blog from here.

Ehhh.

We also disconnected the cable TV, telephone, airconditioning, and all the garden hoses...

Just in case.

[Pounding at door]

You can't stop the truth.

Look, if you just agree to spend the rest of the day with us like you promised...

And let us prove we're not phonies...

Both: We'll let you out.

Okay.

I will.

Huh.

Ahh.

Ahhhh!

As soon as I get Internet access, you guys are big time finished!

Well, let's look on the bright side.

This is definitely a day deke will never forget.

Yup.

The game: Air hockey.

The rules: First one to score wins...

Double or nothing.

Double of nothing is nothing, and what do you think about a travel blog, like, "don't stay at the Palmwoods, because the manager's nuts"?

WiFi is down.

Besides, sounds like somebody's scared.

[Imitates chicken clucking]

Oh, just give me a paddle.

[Dramatic music]

Sometime today.

[Needle scratching on record]

Okay.

[Dramatic music]

Ted Garcia outside of Rocque records, where Belgian protesters numbering in the double digits are striking back against antibelgianism.

It was a typo!

Don't worry.

Belgians tend to get tired quickly, then go home and make waffles.

They're a peace loving and gentle people...

And now joining the protest is very buff and violent Hollywood action star Jeanluc Varn Darn.

Both: Except for that guy.

Gustavo, I am coming for you.

Argh!

Auuuugh!

Send.

Look, we just want a chance to change the way you think about us.

Fine, I'll interview you through the door.

[Together] Yes! Whoo!

What made you decide to come to L.A.?

Um, well, we didn't really plan on this, but when amazing opportunities come, you have to...

Could someone elaborate on that?

Sure, well, it was my dream to be a pop star, but my buds helped me get to the audition...

Where do you see yourself in 20...

Oh, no! His battery d*ed!

Wait, wait.

All: What? Wait, what?

He's in the ducts!

Auuugh!

All I have to do is find a hardwired computer, and expose the big time truth.

Yeah, well, the truth is, we do so sing.

Observe.

All:# c, c, c, c#

not bad, but I will destroy you.

All: Go, go, go, go!

I feel so spiny, and, man, it's hot in here.

[Breathing deeply]

All: Do you want some water?

Do you have sparkling?

One second.

He's coming.

Hey, catch.

Thanks.

Ahh, later, losers.

All: What? Wait.

Ohh, ahhhh!

Ow!

So, um, what are we looking at here?

False imprisonment, involuntary manhunting.

I would say at least 100
hours' community service.

Both: Ouch.

[Metal clanging]

Is he going back up?

Ahhh.

That was kind of fun.

Whee!

Which way did he slide?

I don't know.

We can't lose him. He thinks we're big time phonies.

Oh, he went that way. That way. That way.

Where are you, Internet connection?

Jackpot.

[Grunting]

Now I land in the chair, plug in, and byebye, big time phonies.

Darn it!

[All chanting]

Now, once they see a photo of you enjoying Belgian waffles...

They'll forget everything, and you'll be a national hero.

Wait, aren't Belgian waffles supposed to be, you know, really thick?

Yeah...

Both: And so are Belgians.

[Laughter]

[All chanting]

These aren't Belgian waffles.

These are frozen toaster waffles!

Get him!

[All yelling]

I decided I hate the web.

Gustavo Rocque, you have insulted Belgium for the last time.

Wait!

I'll hold them off.

Run!

Get them!

[All yelling]

Life's funny, you know?

One day you're hockey players.

Then you're a pop band.

Then blognappers.

Why does he think we're phonies, hmm?

He should like us.

Why would he like us?

Because I've got to be honest: I don't like us right now.

Worse than that, since when did we start caring about what people think about us?

It's what we think about ourselves that matters.

I think we might have let the marketers put words in our mouths.

I think Mr. Fong's biscuits may have caused temporary insanity.

Ho ho, finally a true statement.

And do you guys realize we never even questioned these outfits?

I think... we look good.

It's a little overdone.

Quiet, you.

We are not four hockey players from Minnesota anymore.

We are four Anakins who went to the dark side.

Ow!

[Together] So what do we do?

You're letting me go?

Come on.

Watch it. Easy.

You're good.

Okay.

And the truth is, with our album coming out soon, there's a lot of pressure, and it kind of got to us.

We hope you can forgive us.

And we hope you don't press charges.

Wow, you've really given me something to think about...

Right after I post my blog about how I was locked in a closet, tackled, chased through ducts, and trapped in a garbage can.

Bye.

Hey, you never know.

Maybe he'll get hit by a bus on the way to his coffee shop.

[Horn honking, tires screeching]

[Together] Ohhh, so close!

Let's go, triple or nothing, anything.

I can't lose to a ten-year-old girl.

Fine, and this one's for all the marbles, marbles representing nothing, of course.

Got it.

Now, you stand in front of this bucket.

I bet that I can throw these water balloons into that bucket and not get a drop on you.

Ha!

Impossible.

You're on.

Aha!

I win!

Whoohoohoo!

I win. I win. I win.

You lose.

You didn't even get one balloon in the bucket.

I know, but this morning, I bet a bunch of kids 20 bucks that I could pelt you with balloons, and you'd cheer.

[Cash register dinging]

I'm gonna use it to finance my advice blog: Bustyourbuildingmanager.com.

Smart.

Say, can you lend me $20
to get some dry cleaning?

Keep it.

Well, looks like Gustavo had a good day too.

Boys, I have a feeling your album's not gonna sell very well in Belgium.

[Together] Yeah, about the album...

Both: Your day with deke!

Gustavo, before you read the blog...

Both: Shh. Ahahah.

"The big time truth:

"After lies about snowboarding, corporatewritten sound bites, "and being locked in a supply closet, "I knew within my first five minutes that Big Time Rush were big time phonies."

You locked him in a supply closet?

[Together] Yep.

[Yells]

"But", hey!

"The rest of my day was literally...

A Big Time Rush."

"And not just because of 20foothigh heating duct slides, garbage can rides, and sparkling water delivered upon request..."

"But in discovering that Big Time Rush "are four dedicated, smart, and funloving guys who share a passion for music and life."

"My day with Big Time Rush is one I'll never forget."

"And I'm looking forward to hearing their new album."

All: Yeah! Yes! Whoohoo!

Okay, okay, now that my dogs have crushed phase two of our big time web att*ck, let's go back to phase one and make some web videos for the Big Time Rush website.

And this time, try not to break the cameras.

[Together] Got it.

Hey, what's up, guys? Big time rush here.

Yeah, and this is what it's like sliding down the Palmwoods air duct.

Both: Check it.

All: Whooooa!