03x02 - iCook

[bunniefuu]

I'm Carly. I'm on parole.

And this is... The Web show watched by smart people...

And idiots.

You know which one you are.

Now before we do some of our pointless comedy... We are gonna get a little serious.

It's serious time.

Sam and I have been given the opportunity to do a real in-depth interview... With one of America's most important people.

So now, live via satellite, it's... Aga-aahh-waabaa...

Now Jo Jo, our first question is, how long have you been a gigantic baby?

Aga-aahh-waabaa... Jo Jo, how much do you weigh?

Waaahh! Baaahhh!

Okay I'm sorry.

I should not have asked that.

Aga-aahh.

And how do you feel about the current state of our nation's economy?

Aga-aahh-waabaa.

Insightful.

Aga-aahh-waabaa... Yeah, all right.

How 'bout a hand for... Okay, for the past few weeks Sam, Freddie and I have been obsessed with a certain chef on Food TV.

His name is Ricky Flame.

He's got this hot show called "food fight"

where he shows up and challenges people to a cook-off.

And Ricky always wins 'cause he rocks food so hard.

True-- we love watching Ricky Flame cook so much...

That it inspired us to do our cooking segment here on iCarly.

We call it... I thought of the name.

Uh-oh, your ear's all wet.

What are you talking about?

And my hatred grows stronger.

Will you turn the camera this way please?

Okay, for our first "real"
iCarly cooking segment, we're gonna make... A dish invented by my brother Spencer...

Whose real name is Lateesha McPeanuts.

Yeah, no it's not.

So, all you need to make spaghetti tacos are some taco shells...

Some spaghetti noodles nyoodles, nyoodles.

Our secret sauce and meatballs.

Where are the meatballs?

Right about here, being dissolved by my stomach acid.

While we make some more meatballs, please enjoy this...

This has been a word from our Spencer.

In 5, 4, 3, 2...
[music]

♪ I know, you see ♪
♪ somehow the world ♪
♪ will change for me ♪
♪ and be so wonderful ♪
♪ live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow ♪
♪ we're gonna get there ♪
♪ and feel so wonderful ♪
♪ it's all for real ♪
♪ I'm telling you ♪
♪ just how I feel ♪
♪ so wake up the members ♪
♪ of my nation ♪
♪ it's your time to be ♪
♪ there's no chance ♪
♪ unless you take one ♪
♪ and the time to see ♪
♪ the brighter side ♪
♪ of every situation ♪
♪ some things are meant to be ♪
♪ so give it your best ♪
♪ and leave the rest to me ♪

All right, that should do her.

Cool, thanks Douglas.

Hey, no problem.

Oh, and hey, tell your mom I miss her.

Sure.

A lot.

I get it.

Hi, who was that?

Douglas, an electrician who used to date my mom.

Oh.

I had him put a security system in my locker.

So now if someone tries to break into it, they'll get blasted with like a hundred volts of electricity.

Couldn't that really hurt someone?

I hope so.

Let's see what it does to this knockwurst.

Ready?

Yeah.

Fry, baby.

Show me what you got.

Come on. Come on.

Yeah, that could hurt someone.

Or cook them to perfection.

Hey Sam.

What is that?

A charred knockwurst.

Yup.

I don't wanna know.

You borrowed my science homework and I need it back.

Oh yeah.

Why don't you open my locker and get it?

Fine.

No, don't do that!

Don't, don't.

We do not electrocute friends.

Hey, guys, something AMA--what's that, a charred knockwurst?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

I didn't wait, something amazing just happened.

You ran here in your robe and slippers.

No, I caught a ride from some guy who sells pens.

Who needs pens?

...The green one?

What happened that's amazing?

Food TV called our house.

What?

Really?

They saw the last iCarly.

They wanna come do a show on you guys about spaghetti tacos.

That's awesome.

We're gonna be on food TV.

But wait, spaghetti tacos are your invention.

They should be interviewing you.

Nah! The important thing is this will be great for iCarly.

Aah!

Oof!

Uh-oh. Argh argh!.

Here's some water.

Good.

Oh, thanks Freddie.

Ooh, uh-oh.

Sam feels really bad about electrocuting you.

You know what?

It's okay.

You know why?

No.

Why?

'Cause when I got electrocuted, just as I blacked out, I experienced something incredible.

What, not dying?

Well, that and... I had a vision of the future.

Look, you got shocked pretty bad.

Maybe you oughta-- I saw the future.

How do you know it was the future?

Because it hasn't happened yet.

Okay, what'd you see?

Well, it was hazy, but I saw myself at the groovy smoothie and that guy from galaxy wars, nug nug was there, and I saw him and me together, hugging.

I'm calling Dr. Quamsteen.

No!

I gotta get to the groovy smoothie and get my hug from nug nug.

Wait.

What?

What's nug nug from galaxy wars gonna be doing at the groovy smoothie in Seattle?

Hugging me.

I'm Sarah James, here with three very popular Web celebrities.

Their names are Carly Shay, Sam Puckett, and Freddie Benson, better known as iCarly.

Hi.

Hey, food lovers.

So tell me about these spaghetti tacos.

I'm Freddie Benson.

Well, one night my brother Spencer couldn't decide whether to make us spaghetti or tacos, and so he combined 'em both and invented spaghetti tacos.

And then later he taught us how to make 'em.

Well, I hope he taught you well, 'cause I'm Ricky Flame and I challenge iCarly to... What?

Oh my God!

Wait, we're on food fight right now?

Yes, you are.

Fantastico!

No way.

Awesome.

But how did you-- I watched you guys make your spaghetti tacos on iCarly and I wanna see if I can make 'em better.

Cool, this is gonna be so fun.

Yeah.

What do we get if we win?

Well, I've never lost, but if you guys are good enough to b*at me, you'll all win a one-year supply of free steaks.

Yeah!

Wait, your definition of a year supply or my definition?

She takes her meat very seriously.

Oh yes.

Hey man, what's your deal?

My deal?

You hung out here all day yesterday, in your robe and slippers, and all day today and you haven't bought a thing.

I'm waiting for nug nug.

The dude from galaxy wars?

Yeah.

I had a vision of the future where I saw nug nug hugging me right here in the middle of the groovy smoothie.

Cool.

Now, buy a smoothie or get out!

Oh yeah.

In my vision I was drinking a smoothie.

Why don't you get me a medium tingleberry blitz and I'll watch the door.

Sounds like a plan.

Okay, this food fight is winding down to a very exciting finish.

Ricky Flame and the iCarly team are both putting the final touches on their spaghetti tacos.

Ricky's tacos look better than ours.

Yeah, his plating is exquisite.

Ten seconds left.

Okay, I'm doing it.

Where's the cheese?

Gimme the Peruvian puff peppers.

Right here, right here.

Sprinkle a handful of this.

Put it all over.

And time's up.

And now it's time for our three judges to decide whose spaghetti tacos reign supreme.

The plucky iCarly kids... Plucky?

Plump and lucky?

Or super chef, Ricky Flame.

What is this?

My band-aid.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

She means her flavor patch.

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me, ma'am, I really have to go pee, but I'm expecting a small man from outer space to come here.

His name is nug nug from the planet Jueveron.

So would you mind waiting here, and if you see nug nug come in, just tell him I'll right back.

Crazy.

Uh-oh.

Hey, hey!

I hope you get space-jacked by a flanch of red skynauts.

What?

It's galaxy wars talk.

Nerd.

You better run.

Judge Eric, your thoughts?

Well, I enjoyed all of these spaghetti tacos, but with Ricky's, I felt his flavors were just layered more precisely.

So I have to cast my vote for Ricky Flame.

Thank you, judge Eric.

I told you we should have layered our flavors more precisely.

Judge Phillipe-- Ricky, you never disappoint.

Your tacos were delicious, but your shells... Are bit soggy.

As for the iCarly team, excellent taste, original presentation.

I vote for iCarly.

Okay, judge Marla, it looks like you have the deciding vote.

Come on Marla!

I'm so sorry.

You know, everyone here today should feel proud of their tacos.

Chef Ricky, you're the best, but I liked the iCarly spaghetti tacos just a little better.

Oh, my goodness.

For the first time ever on "food fight,"

Ricky Flame has lost.

The iCarly's spaghetti tacos have won.

Congratulations, guys.

Gracias.

Yeah.

Where are my free steaks?

You'll get 'em.

Thank you.

Okay, that's it for this challenge.

Join us next time on... Hey, I guess we just got lucky.

I lost.

Hey, can I have an autograph.

Later, please... Unh!

He seems upset.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

I think your alarm system is on fire.

Nah, Franklin made me get rid of my alarm system

'cause it kept blowin' fuses and shortin' out the whole school.

The smoke's comin'

from my Gary Coleman grill.

You're cooking a steak in your locker?

Well, I'm not gonna eat raw meat after what happened last time.

Stupid parasites.

Hey, listen.

I called Ricky's office, you know, to thank him for all the free steaks.

Yeah.

And his assistant told me that he quit his TV show.

He's not doin'

"food fight" anymore?

He's not doin'

anything anymore.

What, why?

Ricky's so depressed that he lost to us, he said he's giving up cooking forever.

It's not our fault Ricky went psycho.

Yeah, but come on, the least we can do is go talk to the guy.

No the least we can do is nothing.

We're going to talk to Ricky.

Agreed.

Whatever.

But whatever happens, he still owes us a full year's supply of free steaks.

You know, there are more important things in life than free meat.

Yeah, not really.

[Knock on door]

Ricky... Ricky.

I'm here with the iCarly kids.

Argh!

Come on in.

Argh!

He's been like this ever since he lost to you guys.

Argh!

[Alarm beeping]

I gotta take this.

Just try to cheer him up.

Ricky, come on.

So two out of three judges liked our spaghetti tacos better than yours.

Uh-oh.

Argh!

Unnecessary.

Don't you have some trick that gets your mom out of bed.

Yeah.

Argh!

I'll try it.

Get up, ya lazy blob!

There's a cop at the door and he's got a warrant!

...I'm a loser.

Here, gimme a hand.

Come on, come on, sit back--
that's there for a reason.

There you go.

There, don't you feel better now.

Yeah, I feel soooo great.

Well, you just need to get outside and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air.

Oh, Seattle.

Freddie, get the salad stuff out of the cooler.

Okay.

This is dumb.

N it's not.

We just gotta remind Ricky how much fun he has cooking.

Now sit him back up.

Come on Ricky.

Sit like a big boy.

I don't wanna sit.

I'm a loser.

You're not a loser.

You're just acting like one.

Remember that episode of food fight where you went to that lady's restaurant in Cincinnati and you challenged her to a salad w*r, and your salad b*at her salad and she cried?

Remember how great you felt.

Yeah, but that was my past.

No, you've still got it.

Now, come on and show us how a real pro makes a spicy flame-Bo salad here's a big bowl of lettuce.

Augh.

Here's a cutting board... And a Japanese cucumber.

Come now, take the Kn*fe.

Everybody loves a big sharp Kn*fe.

Yeah!

Big one, big slice.

Right.

Come on.

You can do it again.

Argh.

Aw, Ricky.

Your head's in the salad.

That's not good.

Ooooh.

Hey.

Hey-dude, mm.

We're closing u oh, yeah.

I was just waiting for someone.

Who?

Uh-- nothing.

It was stupid, I'll just... Good night.

Hey, sorry guys, we're Clo-- whoa.

You're nug nug from galaxy wars.

What can I get ya?

Smoothie?

Strawberry splat.

Blueberry bang.

Splat and bang, comin' up.

Appreciate it, thanks.

It's--it's so weird.

What?

I have this weird feeling like--like I'm supposed to...

Hug somebody.

Man, Nugs, you were at that convention for too long.

Why don't you go and splash some cold water on your face.

Yeah, okay.

Excuse me.

We're closed.

I know, but I forgot to pay you guys for my last smoothie, here.

Keep the change.

Thanks.

Thanks.

[Knock on door]

Carly.

[Knock on door]

Hey, nice PJs.

Dude, it's Saturday morning, I was sleeping.

I could tell.

Your hair's a mess.

Oh, well sorry for not gettin' myself all dolled up to answer the door.

Anyways, what's-- we got a v-mail.

From who?

Check it out.

Hey there, iCarly people.

How do I turn the camera on?

It's on, baby.

So my iCarly friends, I owe you guys a huge thank you.

After you came to my bedroom and talked to me, I thought about all the things you said, and I-- aw, do my feet look fat?

Debbie, why don't you go make some toast?

Okay.

So you guys were right.

I was acting like a loser.

And I can't do that, because for me to be happy I have to be a winner.

So I have come up with a way to Ba winner all the time.

If you wanna come see me in action, winning, I'll be at the fourth street athletic club, Thursday from 10 am to noon.

I can't find any toast.

All you have is bread.

You put the bread in the toaster and then it becomes toast after-- later.

All right.

Our next challenger is Wilson Kreeger!

Let's go, Wilson.

I don't wanna.

[Whistling]

Wrestler number one, are you ready?

I guess.

Wrestler number two, are you ready?

Ricky Flame is always ready.

Let's go, wrestle.

[Whistling]

Unh.

Oh no, I hope I don't lose.

What's wrong with you man?

1... Unh.

2, unh.

3.

Yeah, that's right.

And the winner is Ricky Flame.

Whoo-chow!

Wooo.

Ricky, what are you doing?

Winning.

Man, I am on fire.

Why are you wrestling kids?

'Cause I checked out the rules online.

This is a community wrestling league.

Here, read rule number 3.

Wrestling instruction and competition, recommended for boys ages six through ten.

See, recommended.

Doesn't say I have to be age six to ten.

So technically, they have to let me wrestle.

Danny Peterson, you're up.

Why are you doin' this?

I thought you loved being a chef.

No. See I realized what I really love is winning.

[Whistling]

Wrestler number one, are you ready?

Sort of.

Wrestler number two, are you ready?

Yeah, just call it.

Wrestle.

[Whistling]

Just a second.

Oh no, I hope I can handle this one.

Come on!

It's ridiculous.

1, 2, 3... Yeah, hooo-chows.

See, I can't lose.

Oh, yeah, but-- come on Carly, wrestle me.

No.

Come on, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, no, I don't want to wrestle.

No-- you're so weird!

Come on 1, 2, 3...
[whistling]

Yeah!

19 wins, no losses, Whoo-chow!

No one can extinguish the flame.

Ha ha ha ha.

Sam Whoo-chow, Whoo-chow.

Ha, you lost.

Eat it, Flame.

Loser.

Argh!

You guys wanna go eat some free steaks?

Shoosh yeah.

Carne.