03X05 - Car, Rain, and Fire

[bunniefuu]

Hey Cat! I've been looking all over for you.

Where are you? Call me!

Hey, have you guys seen Cat?

Oh... you're head shaker!

Hey! Have you seen Trina?

No? Hey harp, have you seen Trina?

Hey have you seen Trina?

Hey have you seen Cat?

Sorry. But I really want to find Trina...

No. But I really want to find Cat...

Because she's spreading rumors about me...

Because she...

Oh never mind. I'll find her.

Oh never mind. I'll find her.

Cat... Cat...

'Sup.

"Sup?!" Where have you been?!

I've been trying to find you since I woke up this morning!

At least you woke up.

Some people didn't.

What do you mean?

And why are you all sad?

How do you know I'm sad?

Well, you're dressed in sad colors, and you were playing a sad song, oh and you're wearing a button that says, "I'm sad, ask me why."

Mona Patterson d*ed.

Oh. I'm so sorry...

But I don't know who Mona Patterson is.

That's what's so sad!

She's one of my favorite actresses ever.

She was on a really popular tv show from the nineteen sixties.

What show?

I married my mom.

Oh yeah, I liked that show.

I used to watch reruns of it.

With my brother when he was in the special hospital.

Where they used to handcuff him to his bed.

But now no one even remembers Mona Patterson or cares that she's gone.

I'm sure she has lots of fans who care.

No.

On my way to school I stopped at her star on Hollywood boulevard, and there weren't any flowers or anything...

Just a weird man with a hat and some vomit on his pants.

Yeah. Um listen...

But we have a science project due tomorrow.

And we still have a lot to do.

No, I'm too sad to science.

Okay, where did Mona Patterson live?

Here in California.

All right, well...

What if, after school, we drive to her house, and you maybe... light a candle and leave it by her doorstep, to honor her memory?

Can it be a scented candle?

Sure.

'Cuz I have one that smells like cinnamon buns.

Did Mona Patterson like cinnamon buns?

I dunno! We weren't "friends".

Okay, just...

You find Mrs. Patterson's address, and then, after school we'll drive to her house, and then you can leave your candle by her door, and then we'll go back to my house.

And work on our science project until we finish.

'Kay?

'Kay. So you'll drive?

No, I... I didn't pass my driver's test.

Why not?

I didn't see the old lady in the wheelchair.

Well, I signaled before I hit her!

Jade...

What?

If my brother lets us borrow his car, will you drive Tori and me to an old lady's house after school?

No.

Wait, please?

Cat's really sad because this actress passed away last night and...

Whoa?! She passed away just last night?

Yeah.

Then yeeeaaah.

Yeah, I'll drive you guys to her house.

Why'd you change your mind?

Because it's been less than twenty-four hours...

Which means her spirit is still lingering...

So I'll be able to breathe in the fumes of her soul.

Maybe there's a bus we can take.

No!

No... I'll take you.

We can leave after sundown.

Why can't we just go after school?

I don't like driving in the daylight.

Hey, Trina...

Hey pretty boy. Lookin' for moi?

Yeah. Have you been goin' around.

Telling anyone I asked you out?

Noooo...

No, I've been telling everyone you asked me out.

Why are you telling people I asked you out?

'Cuz if people think that you're interested in me, then other guys will wanna date me.

And pretty soon I'll have boys fighting over me.

Okay, you're a maniac.

Oh, yes!

You bit my lip!

I tried to bite both.

♪ Here I am, once again ♪
♪ feeling lost but now and then ♪
♪ I breathe it in to let it go ♪
♪ and you don't know ♪
♪ where you are now ♪
♪ or what it will come to ♪
♪ if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how ♪
♪ you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid ♪
♪ to put your dream in action ♪
♪ you're never gonna fade ♪
♪ you'll be the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when it turns out right ♪
♪ 'cause you know ♪
♪ that if you live in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll be ♪
♪ everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me ♪
♪ when I make it shine ♪

So Cat...

Is there some reason your brother replaced this seatbelt with a rope?

No, he just loves rope.

What is that thing anyway?

Oh, this is Cat's and my science project.

It's a robot that's hamster powered.

See, mister hamster runs on this wheel.

And that creates electro-magnetic electricity.

Which flows through this transformer and then powers the robot.

Isn't it cool?

I dunno, all I heard was "hamster hamster science science Tori's boring k*ll me."

You want a muffin?

Sure.

You brought muffins?

Oh, no, I found it under the seat.

Not so boring now, am I?

All right, Vega. I'm gonna pull over...

You guys, I'm not gonna sit here.

And listen to the two of you fight for the next two hours.

Well, she's the one who... Two hours?!

I thought we were just driving to some dead actress's house and lighting a candle.

We are. Her house is in San Diego.

San Diego?!

Caaaat... we gotta finish our science project before morning!

But...

No! I am not driving this rolling chiz-box to San Diego and back.

Just drive the child to San Diego.

All right!

Step one, two, three, and four. Five, six, seven eight.

Now one, two, three and four. Five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two...

Okay.

Most of you, that was awesome.

Trina, you keep trying.

Beck...

'Sup Trina?

What are you here for?

You.

Me? I... I don't understand...

Ever since you kissed me.

This morning... it's... It's affected me.

W-well... I had a burrito for breakfast... Was it the onions?

I like you.

Whaaaaat?

Can I come over to your house tonight?

Yes, oh my God yes please.

Oh... you... You want me to make you some dinner?

Yeah. Will you make me a chicken?

Yeah. Oh, yeah I'll make you a chicken.

C'mon, go hamster! Run!

Make electricity, ya fuzzy little beast!

Why won't he run faster?

'Cuz you bought us a fat hamster.

He reminded me of Santa claus.

Oh my God, how much longer to San Diego?

Oh, um I'll check my pear pad...

Uh...

According to this map, we should be there in about... Sixty-three more miles.

Oh, good, we're over half-way there.

Hey, and the hamster's running faster.

Yeah. C'mon fat Santa!

I don't understand why we're not getting any power to...

Oh my gosh look! Look look look look!

Yay, we made electricity! Go robot!

He's aliiiiiveeee!!! Wooooo!

Weeeeee!

Uh, ladies...

I hate to rain on your parade, but I think it's raining on your parade.

Uh-oh.

Yeah, it is raining.

Hey Cat, I think I brought an umbrella.

Do you see it back there?

No, not really.

Hey baby.

I am furious.

Aw, well...

Yeah, you should call your mom.

I put this stupid chicken in the oven three hours ago.

And it's still not cooked!

Okay. Um...

Couple a'things...

Huh?

You didn't turn the oven on...

This is a Turkey... And uh... yeah, it's frozen.

Well what am I supposed to feed Beck?!

Does he like turkey-cicles?

Daaaad...

Look, I'm gonna go in the garage and run on the treadmill.

No, you've gotta help me cook the Turkey!

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the music...

Even though this isn't playing yet.

Go on! Get in there!

Be a good girl! Get in the microwave!

Errrrgggggg!!!

We've gotta pull over!

I can't pull over on this freeway, there's no place to stop!

I'm getting wet.

How do we put up the top?!

Cat, where's the switch to put the top up?

Right there under the radio.

Oh, okay.

It's not working!

I know, it's broken!

How long 'til the next exit?

Ten more miles!

Ah!

What are we gonna do?

...

There, that's better.

Ah!

What?!

You've got to be kidding me!

At least it stopped raining.

For now.

Well we have to get the top up on this car.

In case it starts raining again.

Yeah, I'd hate to get all wet and disgusting.

C'mon guys, let's just try and pull up the top ourselves.

It's broken.

We know that!

Does your brother have any tools in the car?

I think in the trunk.

Open the trunk.

Ahhhhhh!

Oh my God!

What is this...

Don't worry, they're not real feet.

But why does your brother have a bag of fake feet in the trunk of his car?!

I'm not gonna lie, my brother's pretty weird.

Let's just see if we can get the top up.

Errrrgggg...

Help me...

Okay okay, it's loose.

Now let's pull up that top.

What?

Our car is "topless".

Y'know, let's just go back to L.A.

Yes.

Nooooo!

You guys promised we could go to Mona Patterson's house.

So I could light a candle and leave it by her front door.

But Cat...

Pleeeeeaaaaasse!

C'mon! It's already late.

And we need to get back to L.A.

So we can finish our science project...

Tori... Tori...

What...?

Can I have a ride to your house?

Um... No, no... we're...

We're driving our friend to San Diego.

When are you going to san-die-ego?

Y'know... now!!!

Ah!

Get in the car!

Go, go, go, go!

Ahhh!

Oh, uh... Beck's here!

Andre. Tori's not h...

I'm not here to see Tori.

Well, I have a date tonight with...

Beck. Yeah, I know.

I know what's goin' on.

I don't understand...

Somethin' wrong with me?

Uhh, no? Nothing's wrong with you...

Why Beck? Huh? Is Beck so fantastic?

Is Beck better than me?!

I don't know what you mean.

I...

Am I not handsome?

Do I not have a happy-go-skippy personality?!

Yeah, yeah you do, but...

Then give me a chance!

Gimme a chance to show you the joys of Andre!

♪ Lemme love you ♪
♪ lemme love you like a champion, baby... ♪

hey! What's goin' on?

Beck...

What's goin' on is you were just leavin'.

Uh, I have a date with Trina. We're having chicken.

It kinda might be Turkey now.

Turkey's my favorite.

Yo. Trina likes me.

Well maybe I'm about to change ol' Trina's mind!

Dude, go.

Don't tell me what to do, ya... ya canadian!

Oh!

Okay boys, this isn't very...

I always had a feeling you were anti-canadian.

So?! Whatcha gonna do aboot it? Eh?

Eh? Ya gonna hit me with a hockey bat?

Eh?

I am soaking wet.

We all are!

Do you not hear our feet squishing?!

There, Cat... there: Mona Patterson's front door.

Yeah...

And there aren't any flowers or cards or anything, see?

No one cares that she d*ed.

Yeah it's so sad.

Now light your dumb candle and let's get outta here.

'Kay, 'kay.

I thought you were all psyched to come here.

And "breathe in the fumes of Mona's lingering soul"

well, it's hard to enjoy it when my pants are soggy.

I feel like I should say a few words about her.

Hurry.

Mona Patterson...

I'm so sorry you d*ed.

I used to love watching you on "I married my mom" and...

And...

Go finish for her.

...And Mona, your memory will live forever in your work on television...

Where you showed us all how funny and awkward it is...

When you marry your own mother.

Amen, let's go.

C'mon...

Don't you think we should just wait one more minute...

Who's out here?!

Ah!

Be gone, ghost of Mona Patterson!

Go to the light!

Cat... I'm almost sure she's not dead.

Don't poke that!

Why did you think that she was dead?

I read it online.

It said "mona Patterson joins the dead."

That's a new tv show, ya dip!

There's a story about me being cast in a show called "the dead".

I play David Schwimmer's wife.

Ohhh.

Well, nice to meet you... I'm Cat.

Good, I have something nice for cats...

Whoa now just wait a second!

This girl made us drive two hours through the rain.

In a topless convertible just because she loves you and your work.

So would it k*ll you just to be a little bit nice and maybe...

Ahhh!

Can't you see we're already wet?!?!

Get off my property!

Ah!

Will you tell this punk-nut that you like me?!

Well...

Punk-nut?!

Trina made chicken for me!

Don't you listen to her?!

She made a Turkey!

Why would ya wanna date a canadian that doesn't know one food bird from another?!

I have an idea.

How about... the three of us eat the Turkey together?

No! You pick me or you pick him!

Or maybe I'll pick you up and toss ya right out that door!

Ooo, I'd love to see you try!

Boys, I just...

Trina?

Trina, I brought you these...

Did someone microwave a Turkey?

Who are those flowers for?!

They better be for Beck!

They're for Trina.

Whaaaaat?!

Well, I heard the boys in the locker room say.

That Beck asked you out, so I thought I'd ask you, too...

Look out, Shapiro!

Ah!

Trina wants me, not you idiots!

Boys! Don't fight over me! Boys, come on.

Andre no!!! Don't look! It's disgusting!

Ah! Oh! Ah! Ow!

Dad! Dad come quick! They're k*lling each otherrrrrrrr!!!...

And then Andre started hitting Robbie with a tea kettle...

What's going on?

We're doin' a puppet show.

I'm the King.

I'm the queen.

And I'm the little p*ssy Cat. Maaaaoooow.

But they were just... I swear I saw them in there, and they were just...

Just... promise me, when you go to college, it'll be someplace far far away.

Trina? Did you learn your lesson?

About telling lies?

Maaaaooow?

Whoo-hoo come on, hamster!

Run, fat Santa!

Yeah, baby!

I love this!

Wooo!

Hey, girls...

What was the name of the actress whose house you went to tonight?

Mona Patterson.

Why?

She's on the news... Channel six.

...But by the time fire fighters arrived on The Scene, Mrs. Patterson's house was already engulfed in flames and could not be saved.

My candle...

No. We don't know for sure.

Lotsa things can start a fire.

The cause of the fire...

This cinnamon bun-
scented candle.

Mrs. Patterson is now resting uncomfortably in Saint Billy's hospital.

As for who left the burning candle at the door, police officials say the only clue comes from Mrs. Patterson herself.

Who, dazed and confused from smoke inhalation, was muttering something about a Cat, apparently with red fur.

Of course we'll have much more on this story...

That's it. If I bring out...

Tori?

Shhhh.