03x10 - Big Time Camping

[bunniefuu]

No!

Aw!

Really?

Look, we just need you to drive us to this really cool camping spot, 'cause my mom won't.

Hmm. Hmm.

No.

Gustavo, we haven't been camping once since we moved from minnesota.

The call of the wild is calling.

We manly men must answer that call.

We need to sleep under the stars and see the sunrise to the sweet, sweet sounds of the loon.

Uh, there are no loons in l.A.

Just bears.

And I don't want to cancel the next concert because you've been eaten by 'em.

Oh, no, no, no, no, there are not gonna be any bears there.

All we need is a ride to this campsite called bear gulch.

May I remind you, your contract clearly prohibits any dangerous activities like...

Skydiving, candle making, and outdoor camping.

Aw!

Come on!

Gustavo, don't you remember what it was like to want to test your limits under the stars?

I do.

Okay, if you really want to camp, I know of a cool spot that I will allow.

This is not what we had in mind!

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh
♪ make it count, play it straight ♪
♪ don't look back, don't hesitate ♪
♪ when you go big time
♪ what you want, what you feel ♪
♪ never quit and make it real ♪
♪ when you roll big time
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ hey, hey
♪ listen to your heart now
♪ hey, hey
♪ don't you feel the rush ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ go and shake it up
♪ whatcha gotta lose
♪ go and make your luck
♪ with the life you choose
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪

Seriously?

Camping in rocque records with ben the night watchman?

Hey, what are you guys doing here?

I thought you were going camping.

Well, according to gustavo, we're not allowed to be one with the trees and the soil and the stars...

And camp outdoors.

Hmm.

I know where you can go camp with the trees and stars without breaking gustavo's rules.

We're listening.

But I'd have to go with you.

It's a secret camping spot.

Yeah, I'm sorry, jo.

This camping trip is men only.

Can't risk you getting hurt.

Oh, you think boys are better campers than girls?

Yeah.

Hey!

I've camped a lot with my dad and brothers, and I'm good.

Me too.

Oh, okay.

Well, you know, let's just invite the jennifers and make it a girls versus guys camp-off!

It'd be lovely.

♪

I was kidding!

Okay, so where's this secret camping spot that won't get us in trouble with gustavo?

♪

Not bad.

It's not real.

Where do you think you're going?

Camping.

With who?

You.

No.

I hate camping.

I like beds. Beds are nice.

Woods are not nice.

But we're camping out front of the big buy.

The islab 3
Goes on sale tomorrow, and I need to camp out to make sure I get one.

Mmm...No.

But, mom, I've been good.

I got straight "as," and I'll be sad.

Forget it. Sad look won't work.

The mad look won't work, either.

And don't give me the, "i'm growing up so fast, "and you're gonna regret not having spent more time with me when you had the chance" speech. Ding!

Such a good speech.

Well, you always say, do good things, and good things will happen.

Like I always say, quit your yammering, 'cause I don't want to hear you all night long.

Last week on new town high, we did a camping episode where we got att*cked by zombies, and a vampire bear saved us.

You scared?

Do we look scared?

Hi.

This is nothing like camping.

It's camping hollywood style.

Stay there.

Okay, how's that?

Well, we wanted to sleep under the stars.

Hey.

We also want to see the sunrise and wake to the sweet sounds of the loons.

Yeah, I can't do that.

Gah!

Okay, it's impressive, but it's missing that element of danger.

Danger.

Who is that?

Anyone there?

♪

Beulah.

♪

I am not allowed to bring anyone on set without clearance, so stay away from the weekend watch person.

Boys on that side of the log...

Girls on this side.

Love our side.

Love it.

And don't even think about asking us for help.

Don't ask us for help.

Carlos, you're on the wrong side.

Yeah.

Well, the gps we put in the guys' camping gear worked.

They went to bear gulch?

Actually, they went to colossal studios, stage 27.

I called the studio, and they informed me that it's half-full with a camping set.

I said no camping!

Actually, you said no camping outdoors.

My dogs unsupervised on a sound stage?

They could get hurt!

Oh, my gosh.

You're worried about them.

Oh, yeah, I'm worried about them.

Yeah, me? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you know what I'm worried about is that they're gonna lose their arms, and then how will they hold their microphones?

Okay, call colossal studios and tell them we want a tour of the lot for a video sh**t.

But what we're actually gonna do is break into that sound stage and cut those guys' camping trip short.

Booya!

Earth, stars, and a sleeping bag.

It's all you need.

Yeah, but the girls are kind of nice.

Hey, they are just gonna slow us down.

We're gonna end up spending all night trying to help them set up camp... And what's that smell?

You guys want some apple sausage?

Yup!

No!

Because when we camp, we like to forage off the land.

Now, what we got?

I found...

Four dirty mints and a mustard packet.

Duct tape.

Wait. Look what I found.

It's a prop turkey.

Yeah. That's what the mustard's for.

Guys, come on. You have no food.

Well, that's the way we like to camp...

Hungry, ready for anything.

Who's that?

A storm's a'coming.

It's the air conditioning.

It kicks on to keep all the equipment cool overnight.

Okay, so what, it stays on all night?

But you guys brought extra layers, right?

Layers?

We only need one layer to stay warm.

Thank you.

Why are they looking at us like that?

They look like giant worms.

Uh-huh.

Why you are waiting in line if you already have an islab?

Ugh, because the islab 2 is old, and the islab 3 is new.

He's right, mom.

Oh, oh, I'm getting a big buy islab update!

They only have enough islab 3s for the first 20 campers.

Perfect! And I'm number 20.

See? If you do good things, good things happen.

Thanks for saving my spot, bitters.

And here are the snacks I promised.

Hey! You cannot save a spot in line.

Big buy's overnight line policy is first come, first serve.

And I was here first.

Yes, but the policy of life is, if you're great-looking with snacks, you can do anything you want.

Tell me about it.

And now you're 21st in line.

Whoop.

Okay, now they're just mocking us.

This is gustavo's fault.

He should've just let us camp in real woods like we wanted.

Oh, if he was here, I would totally give him a piece of my mind.

Yeah!

My fault?

They're the ones that are freezing and are gonna catch a cold.

You realize you sound like an actual caring person right now.

Oh, yeah.

The only thing I want to do is cut this camping trip short.

But how?

Why don't guys just admit that you're wrong and come and get warm?

And come fake-roast marshmallows with us?

Can we please go get some marshmallows?

Please?

Nope.

'cause thanks to some manly foraging, we can start a real fire.

No, no, you can't light a fire on the...

♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh
♪ ah, ah, ah-ah, oh I hate camping hollywood style!

Wet!

Cold!

Hungry!

Guys, just get out of the wet sleeping bags, come over here...

Get some food...

And some heat.

We are men of the wild, and if the wild is a hollywood sound stage, then we will conquer it without girl help.

What does that mean?

It means there's got to be a kitchen or a pantry around somewhere.

Right.

Carlos and I will search the wilderness for provisions.

And logan and I will find warm, dry clothes and blankets.

All right, let's roll.

I mean hop.

Excellent.

The dogs have left the wild on their own.

But now they're out wandering on a studio lot.

You're right!

Something could happen to them!

They could get hurt!

What has gotten into you?

Come on, sweetheart.

You're 21st in line, and they only have 20 islabs.

You're gonna let them get away with cutting me out of line?

They will not get away with this, because bad things happen when you do bad things.

So let's go sleep in our beds tonight, and they will get painful skin rashes.

Oh, I won't get a rash, 'cause I use lanolin oil after I bathe.

We can't leave now.

A storm could roll in, or it could get really cold, and people would leave the line, then I would move up.

Oh, according to my islab, the forecast for tonight is sunny and warm with no chance of you getting an islab 3.

Okay, let's go.

No.

I have done good things.

I volunteer.

I returned that wallet I found and left the money in it.

Where's this big do good things payoff you keep telling me about, mom?

I guess we'll find out, 'cause we're stayin'.

Okay, okay.

Preproduction, finance...

Jackpot!

It's locked.

Okay, remember, this is the wilderness, and there are no doors in the wild.

We're really good campers.

Oh-oh-oh!

Not warm enough.

That's a nice dress.

Hey, did you find anything yet?

I don't speak bear.

And I'm warm and toasty.

Try down the hall. We need sweatshirts.

Fine!

There you are.

Walk him in.

Don't want this flying off in the middle of the stunt scene.

Whoa, whoa, what do you mean, stunt?

What was that? What was that?

Great energy, but save it.

Everyone's waiting. Come on.

All right, here we go.

I got the bear. Walking.

Dude, I found the sweatshirts and rain gear!

Logan?

Logan!

They cut in line and they're watching cartoons?

Bad things aren't happening to them, mom.

Wait a minute.

Sponges don't talk.

Well, it doesn't always happen instantly.

It could come in the form of an irs audit or a raccoon att*ck when they're 60.

Well, I can't wait that long.

And a stink b*mb in their tent will get them out of line and get me an islab 3.

No stink bombs!

Stink bombs are bad.

You're good, katie. Good.

♪

I hate being good.

They've been gone over an hour.

And they are really bad campers.

Terrible.

Okay, we'll go look for logan and kendall.

You guys look for carlos and james.

Move out.

Or we can use this opportunity to...

Put our head sh*ts in every producer's inbox on the lot.

Split up!

Picture i.D.

Anyone on the lot without i.D. Will be charged with trespassing and prosecuted.

What are you gonna do to me?

I might hold you c*ptive till morning.

I might call the police.

I'm still debating.

No one's gonna save you on this camping trip.

We have to save her.

I know we do.

Hey. What happened to camping?

Well, first, I have to find out what happened to logan.

Wait. You can't find logan?

Well, he was in a bear suit.

Then I heard voices.

Then he was gone.

But it's saturday.

The studio is empty on saturday except for the occasional commercial like...

Big bear lip balm.

"fights off chapped lips like they were ninjas.

"ninjas att*ck bear stunt man on city street."

Wait.

Did you say logan was in a bear suit?

Okay! I got my bear!

I like his energy.

Now, do I have my ninjas that att*ck the bear?

I'm not the bear, guys!

This is a big misunderstanding, so...

Perfect!

Four hours.

We've been in line for four hours, and nothing good has happened.

Line buddy, give me some quarters.

I need to go feed my parking meter.

Quarters? I don't carry quarters.

Has you seen the old guy on 'em? He's hideous! Cha-ching!

Don't give them any money.

I will.

Here, because I do good things, and good things happen.

Whatever.

17, 18, 19...

What are these?

Wristbands.

Last year, someone used a stink b*mb to move up in line, so now we give the first
20 campers wristbands which you can redeem in the morning for your islab 3.

Well, I need one for my line buddy.

Well, you can't save someone's space in line.

So you're number 20.

I'm getting an islab 3!

I told you when you do good things, good things happen!

Where's everybody going?

Oh, they handed out islab 3 wristbands.

They said no saving spots.

I tried to fight him, but he was very persuasive.

Well, then, give me that one, because I was here first.

Yes, but I was in front of you, and way better-looking and...

Get back here, you...!

So what do you think?

I think my daughter is very good.

It's not gonna work.

It's got to.

Besides, you know that you're the only one who can do it.

Good luck, my friend.

You too.

I'm beulah!

Whoa!

♪

Carlos! You came to rescue me.

Yeah, I know.

Uh...

I can't seem to break you out.

Carlos.

What?

The keys are on the wall. Ding!

Oh.

My hero.

♪

We should get out of here.

Come on.

Hi. Welcome to colossal studios.

Get in! Come on!

Go, go, go, go, go!

♪

Okay!

Bear, you are lip balm, and these red ninjas are chapped lips.

Okay, get this bear head off of me!

Right, you're lip balm.

Okay, these ninjas are gonna hit you really hard!

Repeatedly!

And...

Action!

♪ love me, love me, say you love me ♪

Get away from logan!

Who is that?

Who are those people in there?

Wait!

Leave him alone!

Hands off my dogs!

There's more of them!

att*ck the bear!

att*ck the bear!

We got a car! Who brought the car?

Abandon set!

Abandon set!

Wait! Take our head sh*ts, please?

♪ love me
♪ i-i-i'm ready to go ♪

Oh, thank you.

Oh, my god.

Still think camping's not dangerous?

And ha! There are bears!

Gustavo, what are you doing here?

And if had just let us camp outside and have fun like we asked in the first place, none of this would've happened.

Look, I remember what it's like to have fun.

But now I know what it's like to, I guess, be a parent.

And, you know, I was worried about you guys.

I get worried.

Okay.

But you still got to let us do stuff.

Okay, well, what if I can find a place for you to camp that's outdoors with a sunrise and loons?

Where?

Okay, it's 5:30.

Cue the loon.

And cue the sunrise.

♪

Nice sunrise.

Oh, yeah.

All in all, I'd say this was a pretty awesome camping trip.

Yup, with awesome girl campers.

And amazing band campers.

Really amazing.

♪

We should do this again sometime.

No!

♪ step it up, get in gear ♪
♪ go for broke, make it clear ♪
♪ got to go big time
♪ hey, hey
♪ make it work, get it right ♪
♪ change the world overnight
♪ got to dream big time
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ hey, hey
♪ give it all you got now
♪ hey, hey
♪ isn't it a rush ♪
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ oh-oh, oh-oh
♪ go and shake it up
♪ whatcha gotta lose
♪ go and make your luck with the life you choose ♪
♪ if you want it all, lay it on the line ♪
♪ it's the only life you got so you got to live it big time ♪