04x21 - Ruby Slippers

[bunniefuu]

(Siren whoops)

I could see the glow from around the corner. I thought the whole alley was on fire.

What were you doing out here?

Delivering pizzas. I like to use this alley as a shortcut.

And did you see anybody when you were out?

No, just, uh, you know, the guy in the car, and—and I didn't even see him at first. Too much smoke.

Was he still alive?

I don't think so, no. I mean, how could he be, handcuffed inside a burning car? Who is he, anyway?

(Sighs) We're still working on that.

Poor bastard. b*rned alive?

That's no way to to go.

(Indistinct conversations, police radio chatter)

(Helicopter blades whirring)

(Clank)

Oh, hey, Cho. Scared the hell out of me.

(Sighs) I just found these.

That's very careless of someone... or perhaps careful.

(Electricity crackles)

(Crackle)

What'd you find?

Not sure yet.

Cover me.

(Sniffles)

(People speaking indistinctly)

♪

Man: Why do I have to go up first?

Man: 'Cause you are always first.

Girl! Just 'cause I'm the only one that shows up...

♪

(Gasps, feminine voice) Oh! Uh... (Sighs) We'll be out soon.

Oh, we're not here for what you're here for.

Does this belong to anyone?

(Murmuring)

I guess it's true what they say— "time wounds all heels."

These are my favorite.

I'm Agent Lisbon with the CBI. What's your name?

We found your heel in the alleyway, along with a dead man.

He'd been set on fire.

Oh, we heard the sirens outside, but we had no idea.

What were you doing in the alley?

Enjoying an Ultra Slim.

I always smoke a cigarette before the first show.

And what time were you out there?

I don't know exactly. 8:30?

The arson investigator says the fire was set sometime between 8:45 and 9:00.

Oh, well, Glennda was with us by then.

Yeah, that's right.

She helped me into my compression garments.

I was. Who d*ed? Who was it?

We don't know.

Two minutes to curtain, girls.

Whoo!

If you'll excuse me, the stage is calling.

Hang on a minute. Did you see anybody in the alley?

As a matter of fact, there was a man in a parked car, watching me.

What did he look like?

I couldn't see his face.

It was dark But I felt vulnerable, so I hightailed it back into the club, and that's when I felt my heel break.

Why didn't you pick up your heel?

In this dress, darling?

(Man, voice amplified)

It's time to welcome the Sacramento princess you're dying to possess— the delectable Glennda Snow!

(Cheering)

♪

I think he's telling the truth.

I don't know.

The other drag queens could have been covering for him.

Well, I find it unlikely that a man in heels, sequins, and, uh, an elaborate hairstyle would subdue and handcuff another man and then set him on fire.

Oh, no.

Oh, please don't. Please.

Then again, he's very forceful.

(Applause)

Oh, and extremely limber.

♪ The Mentalist 4x21 ♪
Ruby Slippers
Original Air Date on April 26, 2012

Car was registered to Archie Bloom.

Local boy, 19 years old.

Forensics requested dental records to confirm he's the victim.

Have we contacted the parents?

Sacramento P.D. spoke with his father last night—

Archie Bloom Sr.

He's a local superintendent of schools.

Uh, well, what do we know about the cause of death?

Nothing till the autopsy, but the coroner found no cause to contradict the theory that he was b*rned alive.

Then that's how we'll proceed.

What was the victim doing in that alley?

We don't know.

Uh, the fire was set outside a drag queen venue, but there's a dozen businesses that open up onto that alley.

Archie could have been tied to any one of 'em.

Sac P.D. wants to help on this one.

I'll ask them to show the victim's photo around.

One thing I do know is we've got a lot of fingerprints to work with— on the car, on the gas can.

They even found a partial on the handcuffs.

I checked the bar code on one of those gas cans.

It came from a local discount store—

Bargain Emporium.

You and Rigsby go and check it out.

All right. Okay.

I want you and Jane to go talk to Archie Sr.

He's gonna want to believe his son's alive.

Careful not to build up his hope.

All right.

He's dead, isn't he?

I know he's dead.

It was his car, right?

We're still waiting for a positive I.D.

But you're moving forward on the premise that it was him, am I right?

Yes.

Thank you.

You don't seem surprised.

I'm not.

M-my son was a victim his whole life.

Never a m*rder victim.

No, but it was my deepest fear... (sighs) that Archie would get himself into a dangerous situation.

He was a troublemaker?

Exactly the opposite. He was the target of troublemakers.

Soft, I suppose you could say.

That's why it was so hard asking him to move out.

Archie hadn't been living here?

We had a deal. I would provide room and board while he earned a college degree, but six months ago...

(Chuckles)

Archie decided that college wasn't his thing.

So you invited him to leave?

It was a teaching moment.

(Sniffles)

Painful, but necessary.

How'd your wife feel about that?

My wife d*ed when he was 6 years old.

It's been the Archies ever since.

The boy was nothing like me.

Why, because he's gay?

I don't...

Was he?

Is that what it says in your files?

We don't keep files on gay people.

I mean, it's okay if he was.

I would never judge anyone based on such criteria.

But if he was, he—he never talked to me about it.

I have to ask. Procedure and all.

Where were you last night at 8:45?

Home alone. Working.

I'm writing a book on educational theory.

I'd like to take a look at your son's bedroom, if you don't mind.

Down the hall on your right.

How did you know Archie was gay?

Well, Archie Sr. named his son after himself, like a king.

He was hoping for an heir, yet there's not one photo of junior in the house.

You think he's ashamed of him.

I mean, well, look at this room.

Traditional masculine decor.

Bold nautical themes.

It's like a furniture catalog threw up in here.

Yes. (Chuckles)

These are not the choices of a teenager.

I think Archie Sr. personally decorated this room in the attempt to butch-up his gay son.

Should've seen my room back home.

Posters everywhere.

Let me guess. Hanson?

They wrote their own music.

Ah. Looks like Archie did hang something on the wall.

I'm guessing that was a photo of him and his mother.

What's on his computer?

It's password-protected.

I'll have to take the hard drive back to CBI and run some recovery software.

Oh, okay. You do that.

(Indistinct conversations, telephone ringing in distance)

Thank you for coming.

The woman on the phone said that you'd like me to help with your investigation.

Yes. We need to see if your fingerprints match the prints we found at the crime scene.

Oh, so I'm a person of interest?

Ah, you are.

Hmm.

Can I ask you something?

Do you always go out like this?

In drag, I mean.

Whenever I get dressed, I try to consider where I'm going, who I'm going to see, and how I can blow them away.

Let me escort you to fingerprinting.

A police escort. How could I refuse?

We keep the gas cans back here on Aisle 12.

Yeah. Here we go.

Those are the ones.

What kind of crime were they used in?

We can't go into the details, but maybe you can help us out.

Have you ever seen this man in the store?

Archie? I hope so. He works here.

What did he do?

His car was found on fire last night.

There was a body inside.

Oh, no. Well, was it—

We don't know yet. How long did Archie work here?

Uh, a couple months, maybe.

Do you know anyone who wanted to hurt him?

Yeah.

Rick. Total douche.

Rick?

Rick Hughes.

He stocks shelves and quotes "Fight Club."

He picks on Archie all the time.

Last week, Archie had bruises all over.

He wouldn't tell me what happened, but I'll bet it was Rick.

Is Rick here now?

In the loading bay.

All right.

You take it. A couple more things.

Rick Hughes?

That's right.

Let's talk about Archie Bloom.

(Rattles and clanks)

(Whirring)

(Raised voice)

Who are you, his bodyguard?

(Raised voice) Why would Archie need a bodyguard?

(Chuckles)

If you don't know...

CBI.

We have reason to believe Archie was m*rder*d last night.

For real? How?

You tell me.

That's what this is about?

Come on, man. I never laid a finger on Archie.

That's not what I heard.

(Whirring stops)

(Rattles and clanks)

You heard wrong.

(Boxes rustle)

Are you trying to say you never hassled Archie?

I always hassled Archie.

So what?

(Box clatters)

We worked together, but I liked him, you know?

Every time I'd come across defective merchandise back here, I'd give it to him as a gift.

What'd you give him?

Stuffed animals. An apron.

(Laughs)

What?

This was Archie's locker.

(Clanks)

I take it he wasn't the one who added the decorations.

(Sighs)

No. That would be Rick. Textbook h*m*.

My manager told him to stop, but guys like that...

Well, if it was so bad, why didn't Archie just quit?

He said it wasn't any different at his last job.

He wanted to learn how to handle it better.

(Sighs) I gotta go back to the register.

(Lock clicks)

Shut the locker when you're done.

Sure. Thank you.

(Clanks and rattles)

(Sighs)

(Bag thuds)

(Grunts)

(Clicks)

(Cell phone rings)

Rigsby.

Hey, it's Lisbon. The dental records came back.

The body inside the car has been confirmed as Archie Bloom.

Oh, that's too bad.

His father gave us an address where he was renting.

Yeah, if you don't mind, I'll get Cho to check it out.

Archie worked in the store here, and I think I found a lead that I want to run down at the office.

Okay.

(clears throat)

Looks like the whole roll was taken.

Call me as soon as you process the film.

Thank you.

(People speaking indistinctly, telephone ringing in distance)

U-um...

After you.

Such a gentleman.

(Sighs)

Well, Glennda's prints don't match any of the prints at the crime scene, and I did background checks on the drag queens.

None of them stand out.

Oh, don't let them hear you say that.

Hey, you guys.

I found some videos on Archie's hard drive.

Van Pelt: They're inside a hidden partition.

Looks like Archie didn't want prying eyes to see.

You found something?

Can you play the files?

I think so.

(Keyboard keys click)

(Strained voice) Nice guy.

So it seems.

Okay. Got it. Uh...

(Sighs)

Most of these files look like they were created two or three years ago, when Archie was in high school.

(Mouse clicks)

No, I am done asking!

Into your room. Aah.

Sit. Sit in that chair. I said, "sit down!"

Let go.

Now you are gonna do exactly as I tell you.

You put your left arm on the chair. (Panting)

(Handcuffs clicking) Aah. You're hurting me.

Stop whining!

Are you kidding? Handcuffs?

(Grunts) Just do it. Now you are gonna...

Latest educational tool.

Stop!

Sit here all night long until your homework is done.

Maybe this will toughen you up.

Wait. Pause the video. Those are hinged handcuffs, just like the ones used in the victim's m*rder.

I'm guessing this wasn't the first daddy dearest routine.

Archie had that camera set up and recording before they walked into the room.

Play it further.

(Telephone ringing in distance)

(Grunts, panting)

Somebody... help me.

Tactical handcuffs, dual-hinged, the same make you used to chain your son to his desk.

What are you talking about?

Archie secretly videotaped it. We found it on his computer.

You don't understand what you were watching.

Enlighten us.

The relationship between completed homework and academic achievement is statistically compelling.

With Archie, aggressive techniques were necessary to keep him motivated.

Oh, you motivated him, all right, right out of college.

That was his failure, not mine.

A dropout for a son doesn't look good on the Wikipedia page of a wannabe educational giant, does it?

Is that why you k*lled him?

My own son?

Because the cuffs happen to look like mine?

We found your fingerprints on 'em.

That's impossible.

Unless...

I suppose that someone could have stolen them from my office.

You're gonna take that route?

I know how that sounds.

You know, you should consider a lie detector test.

It'll clear all this up.

Happily.

Give me your hand.

Excuse me?

You said, "happily".

Okay, just a couple of irrelevant questions to establish a baseline.

What's your name?

Archie Bloom.

You love your son?

Yes.

Were you ashamed of him?

It's an irrelevant question. I already know the answer.

The truth, please.

Were you ashamed of your son?

Yes.

Did you k*ll him?

No.

No, I didn't.

So do you think he k*lled the victim?

He did, well, at least he feels like he did.

Hard to be certain.

Guilt comes in many forms.

That's the best you can do?

For now.

Mm.

(Sniffs)

Wh-what?

Are you wearing perfume?

Right. (Chuckles)

Well, you've been standing close to someone that is.

Uh, that would be Glennda. She's very fragrant.

You just called Glennda "she."

So?

You didn't before.

I have to go.

Where?

I just had a thoughtless impulse or an inspired hunch.

I'm not sure which yet. I'll let you know.

How ya doin'?

Agent Cho. CBI.

Well, you're not here to buy a book. Who d*ed?

Archie Bloom.

"Something good will come of all things yet."

How did Archie die?

Homicide.

His father gave us this address as his last known residence.

My apartment's upstairs.

I rent out my spare room to help cover my lease.

Hard to remain a viable literary watering hole when the counterculture is free online.

Tell me about your relationship with the victim.

Sacramento is a place of wide lawns and narrow minds.

Archie came here to nourish his soul.

When he mentioned his father kicked him out, I was only too happy to rent him a room.

When was the last time you saw him?

I haven't seen Archie in a week.

He cleared out without leaving a note or his last month's rent.

Any idea why?

Was he in trouble?

"I have nothing to offer anybody but my own confusion."

Kerouac.

No. Kesey. Influenced by Kerouac.

Common mistake.

No. You.

You keep quoting Kerouac, an overrated bum.

I need you to answer my questions in your own words.

Where were you last night at 8:45?

Hey. We caught a break.

On the father?

On the co-worker. Rick Hughes.

He's 22. He was seen harassing Archie Bloom at work.

He's got two strikes for larceny, and check this out— I found a disposable camera in Archie's locker and had the film developed.

What was he stealing, baby formula?

Yeah, it's a staple in retail theft gangs, always in demand and way overpriced.

Trust me. I know.

If Archie was taking surveillance photos, he must've been planning on exposing Hughes.

A third strike would put Hughes away for a long time.

Well, that's a motive for m*rder.

Okay, bring him in, but I'm gonna hold on to the kid's dad for as long as I can.

Okay.

(Knock on door)

Uh, sorry to interrupt.

The funeral director told me I'd find you back here.

Hello, Glennda.

Peeking behind the curtain. Careful you don't lose your illusions.

Well, it's a little late for that... (Chuckles)

Let me tell you.

They prefer I go by "Glenn" here and act like Glenn.

A funeral cosmetologist.

Well, that makes sense.

Even a diva needs a day job.

I've always loved makeup, but, uh, wearing it wasn't an option for a boy in Sacramento, so I chose a career in death care.

What brings you to my laboratory?

I wanted to know why you lied to me about the crime scene.

And what makes you think I lied?

Well, I-I didn't at first.

Uh, I cold-read you as a man. I thought your theatrical mannerisms were part of the character you played. I underestimated the extent of your transformation.

3 hours of makeup and a $4,000 dress has that effect. You become someone else.

You become... a woman.

Mm, and women often act out a part, uh, in the midst of deceit.

They can be emotional or coy or... seductive.

And I thought I had gender issues.

This is your last chance. I want the truth, or I call my police friends, and they'll lock you up. Glenn and Glennda— both be out of work.

What'd you see in that alley?

(Sighs)

A man holding a red gas can, pouring it over a car.

Was there anyone inside the car?

I don't know. It was dark.

And what did this man look like?

Like I said, it was dark.

You're playing dumb again.

I am not playing. I am scared. I have been a target my whole life. I'm not gonna make myself a target for a k*ller.

Did you know that Archie was on to you?

Yeah.

When did he find out?

Last week. We were off-loading boxes, and I heard something by the dumpster. I looked inside, and it was the little princess.

And what was he doing?

Dumpster diving.

Okay. For what?

We throw away a lot of junk— you know, busted chairs, old magazines, dead plants. Archie said something about needing to furnish his new room.

And that's when you assaulted him so he wouldn't be able to call the cops on you?

(Sighs) I'll tell you the same thing I told your cop buddy. I never laid a finger on Archie! Although I did lock him in that dumpster for a couple of hours.

(Laughs)

What?

Where were you at 8:45 last night?

In bed. I'm in bed every night by that time. I work the 4:00 a.m. shift.

So in other words, you have no alibi. No alibi, and your prints were found on the gas cans (Papers rustle) at the m*rder scene...

Hey, wait a minute now.

The gas cans that poured accelerant onto the vehicle in which Archie Bloom was b*rned alive.

Of course my fingerprints were on those cans. I personally stocked them on the shelf!

Or maybe you stole 'em, like you stole this merchandise, and you k*lled Archie to avoid a third strike and a mandatory 25 years.

That's it! I want a lawyer!

Hey! Sit down!

You hear me? ! A little help!

I want a lawyer!

What do you think?

Well, all cruelty stems from weakness, and this one's a quivering mess— emotionally immature, aggressively masculine.

He harbors childhood pain tied to bed-wetting or some similar humiliation.

Yeah, he could be our k*ller, too.

You're not making this easy.

(Gearshift clicks)

(Cell phone rings)

(Ring)

(Sighs)

Hey, Summer.

Kimball, I need your help.

How fast can you make it to Glenbrook Park?

(Sighs) It depends. Is something wrong?

Yes! It's a matter of life and death.

What's going on?

Who's in danger?

The puppies! There's this pet agency, andand, oh, I-it's so sad, a tragedy, these, uh, poor animals.

I mean, we are so lucky to have homes.

Can we talk about this later?

No! No, they're about to pick up, and I need to pick out a puppy for you.

Here. Can I have this one, please?

No, no. I don't— I don't want a dog.

(High-pitched voice) Ohh!

(Normal voice) But you will when you see this pug. No, I won't.

He's just like you, Kimball. He's all fierce on the outside and, like, a softy on the inside, and he's got this really squishy little face.

No, I gotta go. I gotta go.

Whoa! Wait. Hey. How about lunch?

I'm working a case.

Oh, that's perfect.

We'll have something to talk about.

No, I have to find out where our victim was living.

I don't have time.

Oh, come on, Kimball. You have to eat.

I'll spring for lunch.

You guys owe me a paycheck anyways.

Look, I gotta go. I'll see you tonight.

Uh, n-no dogs.

But I want one.

The victim's last known address is 2 miles away.

As far as we know, he has no friends, and he was one step away from being homeless.

Now I've been hitting halfway houses all day.

Looking for a place he might have crashed.

You're my last hope.

And your best one.

You know him?

(Voice breaking)

It's Archie Bloom.

You, uh...

(Sniffles)

You said he was m*rder*d?

Yeah.

Take a minute.

(Inhales deeply and sighs)

It's okay. Um... (Sighs)

Let me show you his room.

(Sighs)

(Indistinct conversations)

My name's Kelly. I'm a counselor here.

I was assigned to Archie when he came to us last week.

Would that be when he left the bookstore where he was renting?

Is that what Gabriel told you?

Archie was renting a room?

That's right.

(Scoffs)

Gabriel took in the boy because he was in love with him, only Gabriel's form of love involved bouts of meth and v*olence.

Here's his bed.

Did Archie tell you why he came here?

He didn't want to come.

(Chuckles)

He wanted to work it out with Gabriel.

Archie felt rejected by his father, so the acceptance of an older male meant a lot to him.

But Gabriel was a predator.

That's how Archie got the bruises.

It was an abusive relationship.

It took a lot of courage, but Archie left everything at Gabriel's to join us.

(Men arguing indistinctly)

Excuse me.

Sure.

Hey, guys, enough.

(Sighs)

(Sniffles)

(Clicks)

My client Mr. Bloom has connections, and if you don't let him go, the next call you get will be from the mayor.

I'm sorry, but there are (Cell phone ringing) no special privileges.

Your client is a m*rder suspect.

(Sighs)

Well— attorney for Rick Hughes.

I'd like to talk to my client, please!

Hold on.

(Sighs)

(Lowered voice)

Cho. Cho, help me out.

I am desperate here.

I got a lead.

Which one?

The dad or the co-worker?

The lover.

What lover?

He's a new suspect.

Great. Just what I need.

Who was that and what'd they say?

Now w-will you t take me to my client already?

It's a huge mistake to inconvenience my client...

Do you realize how long...

Any more than you already have... I've been waiting for, huh?

You're sitting there looking at me like that.

Not to mention my time, which is— would you please do—

All the great ones had some form of addiction, hmm?

Kerouac's romance was with benzedrine.

"On the Road" would never have been written without it.

Oh, it's the literary detective. I had a feeling you'd be back.

Looking for new roommates, Gabriel?

Something like that.

You three, out.

Okay.

We have a warrant to search your shop and the apartment upstairs.

What are you looking for?

Evidence linking you to the m*rder of Archie Bloom.

Why would I k*ll Archie?

We read his journal. We know all about it— the physical and sexual abuse driven by substance abuse.

Crystal meth, to be exact.

Archie's journal was a writing project.

It was a pure work of fiction.

Funny. That's not what he told his counselor at the halfway house.

Take off your Jacket.

All right. There's a limit.

Fine. Keep your Jacket on.

Put your hands on your head so I can search you.

No, you're not.

(Grunts)

Ow!

In Archie's fictional journal, the bad guy kept something interesting inside his Jacket.

(Pants) Ohh.

Crystal meth.

(Grunts)

Uh, o-okay. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, for all your high-minded talk, you're nothing but a predator and a drug addict. (Handcuffs jangle)

(Click)

(Grunts)

That boy was barely an adult.

And when he threated to tell the police, you k*lled him, just like the journal said you would.

I did not. I—ohh.

Are you planning on joining this investigation?

Because we could really use your help.

I'm weighing evidence in my head.

(Sighs)

Where do you want to put this one?

Interrogation rooms one and two are in use.

I'll put him in three.

That's it. Our stables are full.

We get any more suspects, we're gonna have to convert the janitor's closet.

This is Gabriel Lamb's defense attorney.

Where's my client?

Lawyers in my office. I'll be with you shortly.

Did you get anything at the bookstore?

Crystal meth. Some on the suspect and 40 grams in his apartment. Looks like he was dealing.

I don't get it.

We've got three prime m*rder suspects, all of whom are guilty of other crimes.

Well, thanks to the evidence you were provided.

Uncovered, not provided.

Semantics.

Our best hope to nail the k*ller is to leverage our evidence while they're still in holding, but which suspect do we go after first?

Well, you have three neatly packaged possibilities.

Uh, the only way to know for certain who k*lled Archie Bloom is to convince the witness to talk.

We've got a witness?

Yeah.

(Dance music playing)

Man: ♪ hold me tonight ♪

Mm.

(Laughs)

Sickening, Shangela, Tru. Ohh.

Oh, well, girl, it's getting there.

Okay, and then after Shangela, I take the stage, me, me, me, and then I introduce Anita Mandelay for a little burlesque number.

Oh, my. He stops my heart every time.

Patrick: Hi, Glennda.

Hello, Patrick. Girls.

(Feminine voice) Patrick.

Patrick.

(Feminine voice) Mm.

Well, it seems everyone knows me.

(Gasps) Oops.

We're a close little group back here. (Laughs)

I'm the drag mom for most of these girls.

When you're starting out, it helps to have someone show you the way.

And what do you do for them?

Oh, what don't I do?

I help them figure out where to shop, how to dress, and who to become.

Nothing wows like vintage Madonna.

This is Miss Labelled.

She runs a pizza joint in River Park.

And what did Glennda teach you?

I learned how to market myself. Half off a large pepperoni...

(Chuckles) If you bring in your ticket stub from the show.

I learned how to keep it simple and make it sparkle.

This is Frita People.

Dentist by day, devastating by night.

Uh, excuse me. Wh-what's your name?

Fifi Nix.

Fifi Nix. And what did Glennda teach you?

How to accept who I am.

Oh. I wish someone would show me that trick. Bravo.

So, Patrick, you didn't come all this way just to meet girls.

You're right.

Uh, we have some suspects in the m*rder investigation.

I was hoping that you could come in and pick out the k*ller from the lineup.

I can't do that.

Uh, I might make myself his next target.

Enough people hate us for who we are.

I'm not going to give them added incentive.

I thought I made myself clear about that.

Well, what you have made clear here is that you know how to celebrate what's different...

And Archie Bloom was different, and he was b*rned alive for it.

You have to go.

Hmm.

There you are.

I brought this for you.

Thanks.

You aren't gonna eat it?

(Sighs) I'm not hungry.

Oh.

What are you doing here?

I came to fill out some paperwork.

A girl's gotta get paid.

Right.

Yeah, and... I came to see you.

Hey, Summer.

Hey, Teresa.

Hi, boss.

(Door closes)

What is that about?

(Lowered voice) Come here.

Are you ashamed of me?

I'm at work. She's my boss. We need to be discreet.

It's nothing personal.

I get it.

I just wish we could be open, like boyfriend and girlfriend.

We can, if you stop being my C.I.

I don't want to stop. I need this job.

The money's right, and I like it.

It's the first grown-up job I've had.

(Sighs) All right then.

No more fooling around at work, okay?

Yes, sir, Agent Cho. On the double.

Where's my money?

Come on.

(Switch clicks)

Lisbon: Number 3, please step forward.

(Click)

What about him? (Sighs)

Take your time.

Mm... No, I don't think it's him.

(Click)

Thank you.

Number 4, please step forward.

(Click)

(Click)

Mnh-mnh. I'd remember him. He's a brute.

(Click)

Thank you, and, number 5, your turn.

(Click)

You know him?

That one definitely looks familiar.

Is he the man you saw in the alley?

Um...

No, he—no, he's too big.

All of them are too big. The man that I saw was slender.

Well, we tried.

We did more than that. We confirmed my suspicions.

Glennda, come along.

There's some people I'd like you to meet.

(Inhales deeply)

Uh, you two are free to go.

These sad specimens are the real suspects.

Not any longer. (Sighs)

They're tainted.

Jane, do you have any idea what you've done?

I haven't done anything, but it's coming.

Glennda, meet the real suspects.

Bachelor number one— a serial bully and a thief.

Is that a dude?

Bachelor number two owns his own bookstore.

He's a drug-addicted sadist...

Even the best dancer in the world would look crazy to those who can't hear the music.

Who enjoys bad poetry.

Which leaves us with bachelor number three and the lowest life-form of them all— a father that rejected his own son.

Thank you. You just made my attorney's job much easier.

All three of these suspects are equally guilty for lighting the flames that took the life of Archie Bloom.

They can't all be the k*ller.

Well, sure they can, because I figured out who Glennda saw in that alleyway the night the victim was m*rder*d.

Yes. Archie Bloom.

The young man that doused his own car with gas, handcuffed himself to the steering wheel, and then... lit a match.

If the victim took his own life, it exonerates my client of guilt.

Uh, all of our clients.

"Guilt" is a relative term.

(Sighs) You three men drove a boy to take his own life.

But before he did, he left clues to make each one of you a suspect.

What was the point?

He had to know the evidence would never stand up.

Archie rigged it so that if your clients didn't go down for m*rder, they'd each have to answer for their other crimes.

We're formally charging Rick Hughes with theft, Gabriel Lamb with drug dealing, and Archie Bloom—

Will walk. I guarantee it.

Where is he going?

Your client handcuffed his gay son to a desk.

Wait till that video gets out.

You're never gonna work again.

It's just a shame a boy had to take his own life to bring each of you to justice.

Carl, get 'em out of here.

Such a nice face.

Why did he choose our alley to end his life?

Sometimes a dark alley is just a dark alley.

Well... (Sighs)

They've all been processed.

Well, that's a big haul today.

Solved a m*rder. You booked three scumbags, as you Coppers like to say. You should be very proud.

I don't think I've ever been so depressed about a case.

I can't get that kid out of my head.

(Swallows)

You want some tea?

I don't think tea's gonna do it.

Hmm. (Sniffles)

In that case, I think I know just the thing to cheer you up— cabaret.

Jane.

And if hurry, we can catch the late show.

Come on. I need to get flowers on the way.

(Sips) Mmm.

(Dishes clatter)

Come on.

(Claps hands)

(Indistinct conversations)

(Laughter)

Booty check.

(Laughter)

Oh. Now who d*ed?

Don't mind us. We come bearing well wishes and flowers, so...

Oh, thank you.

Ah. Fifi Nix.

This is, uh, Teresa Lisbon.

Hi. Fifi. These are for you.

I just want to wish you luck with your new life.

You deserve the best.

What new life?

Are you gonna tell her, or shall I?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Such modesty.

Actually, I'm quite surprised you hadn't picked it up.

"Fifi Nix."

Phoenix. Risen from the ashes.

Fifi Nix is Archie Bloom?

(Mouths words)

That's right. I was.

Uh, Archie, I mean.

The su1c1de was staged?

Not at first. It was gonna be real.

They talked me out of it.

Where did you get the body?

(Chuckles)

Well, here's hoping I look good in prison orange.

I stole an unclaimed body from the cemetery where I work.

It was destined for the Potter's Field.

(Clicks)

(Keys jangle)

Ohh.

(Speaks indistinctly)

Watch the head.

Whoa, whoa. Drop it down.

Come on. Oh.

Ohh. Oh, my God.

Watch your step. Watch the bag.

Come on. This way.

Come on. Shangela, get the door.

(Grunts)

All right. There. There.

(Speaks indistinctly)

Ohh.

(High-pitched voice) Ohh!

(Whispers) Okay. Okay.

(Pants and grunts)

(Whooshes)

(Panting)

Let's go. Let's go!

(Flames roaring)

My heel.

Come on. Keep going. Keep going.

And what about the dental records?

Well, Miss Frita People over there happens to be a dentist during the day.

Archie's dentist.

Uh, I X-rayed the corpse and supplied your department with the film.

That's how I met everyone.

Last year, I was getting a checkup.

I noticed traces of eyeliner on my dentist.

(Chuckles)

He introduced me around.

So you were all in on it?

We're suckers for heartache.

And that's why I lied about what I saw in the alley.

She lied to protect us.

How did you know it was me?

Well, you're exactly what I expected to find, I mean, uh, aside from a little paint and bodywork.

What did you expect to find?

The victim we were investigating wasn't someone preparing to die.

It was someone that wanted to live.

So what are you going to do?

Yes, uh, what are we going to do?

(Glennda)

We have a treat for you tonight.

The fiery creation who defies the laws of man and nature.

Drag babies, I present to you the transcendent, transformative Fifi Nix.

("Somewhere Over The Rainbow" playing)

(Applause)

♪ Somewhere ♪
♪ over the rainbow ♪
♪ way up high ♪
♪ there's ♪
♪ a land ♪
♪ that I heard of ♪
♪ once ♪
♪ in a lullaby ♪

Is that a tear I see?

(Voice breaks) Yeah, right.
Just keep watching.

♪ Over the rainbow ♪
♪ skies are blue ♪
♪ and the dreams ♪
♪ that you dare to dream ♪
♪ really do ♪
♪ come true ♪