04x05 - The Son

Complete collection of episode scripts from season 1-5. Aired October 2006 - February 2011.*
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The trials and tribulations of small town Texas football players, their friends, family, and coaching staff.
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04x05 - The Son

Post by bunniefuu »

Give me my wallet back.

Oh!

[police sirens]

We are at a crossroads right now.

You are gonna cut the tough guy crap.

My mother never took me shopping for a pageant gown, and because of that I never placed at miss texas.

[chuckles]

Mrs. Saracen?

[sobbing]

It's your dad.

He was k*lled.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's late in the game here at East Dillon, folks.

And once again, the lions are going gently Into that good night.

You understand me?

All right, let's get some points out of this thing.

Hey, water! Let's go!

Down 24, Another short gain for East Dillon.

They know what we're gonna do before we do it.

What do you want me to do?

Let's run wildcat.

No, no, no.

Coach said we ain't ready.

I'm ready, all right?

Let's go out there and get some of our pride back, Some dignity.

All right, he's gonna kick our asses all over the state.

I hope you know that.

Yeah, coach can't catch me.

Hey!

All right, guys, we're gonna go with right--

Nah, nah, nah, new play, new play.

All right, we're gonna go with spread texas "a," skinny max.

That's not what coach said.

Shut up. You get your ass out to "x"

And make some blocks, all right?

Listen, we're going option right, all right?

On one, on one.

Ready?

All: Break!

♪ ♪

Look at this.

Coach Taylor's come out in a texas spread, ace set.

Cafferty to the outside.

What are you doing?

Here we go.

This could be fun, folks.

It's Cafferty on the counter.

He cuts inside.

Oh, wait a second, folks!

It's a pitch to vince howard.

Oh, and he smokes the safety!

One man to b*at.

Oh, my! What a move!

Howard taking it to the barn, folks.

Touchdown East Dillon.

Touchdown Dillon!

[cheering]

♪ ♪

My goodness!

Vince howard absolutely mudholed The free safety.

Good call, coach!

54 yards--the best run from scrimmage all season, and a hell of a read from Luke Cafferty.

Come here!

Come here!

Who called that?

Who called that play?

It happened so fast.

Who called the play?

I blacked out, coach.

Who called the play?

Cafferty, who called the play?

I don't know who called the play.

Who called the play?

Get out there on kickoff.

Get out there. Let's go!

[cheers and applause]

You want to get some more of that?

Yeah.

If you want some more of that, get the damn ball back.

41. Number?

4-3.

4-3?

[shouting plays]

Hike!

South pines back to pass.

Vince howard coming off the edge on the speed rush.

Oh, and he strips him on the playing side!

Ball's on the court, but who wants it?

Get there, get there, get there.

Oh, dallas tinker pounces on the ball.

East Dillon has come up with it.

First down East Dillon.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

Listen up here.

Listen up.

Hey, I call the play.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

I call the play.

You run the play.

You got that?

You got it.

Wildcat g*n "x" throwback.

You understand me?

Wait, you want me to throw it?

No, I want you to stand here.

I want to talk about it all night.

Yes, I want you to throw it.

I want you to hit him in-stride, you got me?

Yeah.

Hit him in-stride.

Let's go!

Let's go!

Let's go!

Here we go!

Watch this.

Make it count.

♪ ♪

Here we go, folks.

Vince howard on the wildcat sweep going right.

Oh, he pulls out looking backside.

Going deep to Cafferty.

A littlerickeration.

He's wide open.

Oh, my. Pay dirt!

Touchdown East Dillon.

Touch down lions.

[cheers and applause]

Yeah!

♪ ♪

Real strong finish to a game that could not be won, folks.

But a monster game out of vince howard.

A little light for a team that's been stuck in the dark All season.

[excited chatter]

All right, hey!

Listen up!

Hey!

Y'all got nothing to be ashamed of.

Y'all got nothing to be ashamed of.

Let's hear it.

[cheering]

Hey, listen up now.

Listen up.

Y'all do me a favor.

Y'all take a knee real quick.

Yes, sir.

Most of you know Matt saracen.

Some of you know him better than others.

A few of you have played with him before.

You might have heard that his father passed away.

The funeral's gonna be in a couple days.

Thought it'd be nice if maybe we say a word for him And his family.

Lands.

Bow your heads.

Our father, who art in heaven.

All: Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.

Hello. This is first sergeant henry saracen In mosul, iraq.

It's your son.

It's dad, it's me.

I wish you, mom, and you, Matt, Want to wish the two of you a merry christmas.

[knock at door]

You got company.

Okay.

Bad movie night, Matt.

It's not an option.

Hey.

Hey.

Okay, grandma's sleeping, So keep it down.

I'll make some popcorn for you.

Thanks.

How was the game?

Uh, it was good.

Twinkle toes over here kicked two points.

Twinkle toes?

Twinkle toes.

That is not my nickname.

I think it should be.

It's golden foot.

I think I like this one, Matt.

A lot of hands.

Yeah, I guess.

What's this?

Uh, it's just this video That my dad sent me a couple christmases ago.

Matt, I sent you something in the mail.

Hopefully, by now you got it.

This hat looks dumb.

50 bucks.

We're doing a good job here.

Gonna be out of here soon.

So I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas.

That's good.

That's nice.

Yeah.

What do y'all think of this one?

Is that a hand?

I liked it.

It's good.

Let's go watch the movie.

♪ ♪

[phone rings]

[beep]

Hello.

Hey, did you read the paper today?

Paper?

I don't get a paper, coach.

Well, you got your face in the paper As one of the co-conference players of the week.

My picture?

How do I look?

You look like an idiot.

That's how you look.

Okay.

Picture looks great.

Yeah, but we still lost.

I understand that.

It means you played a hell of a game though.

Listen, what they want you to do Is they want you to come over for the pancake breakfast.

It's at 1:00.

They have you speak to, you know, the little guys, The pop warner kids and stuff.

You do that?

Yeah, but why is it called called a breakfast?

It's at 1:00.

Wouldn't it be, like, a lunch?

Son, I don't know why they do that.

That's just what they call it.

Can you do it though?

Can you be there then, right?

I like pancakes.

All right, good-bye.

Daddy, we need you off the phone now.

Hey, mom, we ain't got no electrics.

No nothing.

Mom!

Mom.

Mom, come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

♪ ♪

I think the best thing she could do right now Is just quit.

I'm serious.

That's just wrong.

Hush.

Why the xylophone?

This whole thing is confusing.

Shiftless son of a bitch.

What?

My ex, her dad.

Gonna miss her singing again.

Always gone somewhere.

He never shows up.

[playing xylophone]

[applause]

That was wonderful.

Next up in the miss young texas pageant, We have miss becky sproles...

Whoo!

Of East Dillon.

Whoo!

Miss becky sproles will be singing the song popular From the musical the wicked.

Oh, it's just wicked.


[song begins]

♪ ♪

So you just have to know, Matt, That what your dad did--

What your daddy did was important.

I mean, right now I know it seems real far away, But we're over there for a reason.

And your daddy knew that.

[sobbing]

He was a hero.

And that will give you strength.

Thank you, mr. Garrity.

Remember that.

I will.

Excuse me.

Matty, you haven't moved from that chair in an hour.

I don't really need to.

Everybody just keeps coming up to me.

All I gotta do is say thank you.

And grandma's over there.

He stepped on an I.E.D.

How long do these things go for?

You know what? Screw you, bull.

The pageant goes for another two days.

You know what, you can still get here.

I don't care!

I really don't care if you're hauling pieces Of jesus' cross back to bethlehem.

You promised her you were gonna be here, and you are gonna be here.

This is so damn typical of you, you--

Please.

Do you have any idea what you're doing to this girl?

Any idea?

She was so disappointed today.

She sang her heart out for you, and you didn't hear anything.

[phone rings]

Hello.

That new place that just opened up by smitty's.

Excuse me, boys.

Excuse me.

It's the telephone for you, tim.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Why are you getting a phone call?

I don't know.

Hello.

Hey, tim.

Becky?

Well, I know.

I just--I tried your cell, and I tried you at work, so I figured you must Be at Matt saracen's.

What are you doing right now?

I'm at a wake.

Do you know what a wake is?

Yeah, I just--

I figured that you weren't close to the dead guy, But if you are, I'm sorry.

I'll hang up now.

What's the problem?

What is it, the trailer's on fire or what?

No, I just--

I just wanted to tell you that, um, Thanks for coming today.

It meant a lot to me.

[sigh]

you're welcome.

You did good, and good luck.

You'll probably win, so don't blow it.

You really think so?

All right, I gotta go.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks, bye.

I'll see you around.

Wait, so your job Is, like, to see the bodies home or something?

I'm a recruiter, mostly here in West texas.

But this is an honor job.

So you didn't even know my dad?

No.

But I do my best to find out about every man.

Heard he was quite the joker in his unit.

A funny guy.

My dad?

Yeah.

He always kept up morale.

Did practical jokes and such.

It's important, Matt.

Yeah, no, I'm sure it is, But I'm also sure that wasn't my dad.

I bet he was a really good soldier And all that, but he wasn't a funny guy.

He was not funny ever.

So maybe you talked to the wrong people.

Maybe it was another guy who was the joker, But my dad was not, all right?

I've never even seen him smile in his life.

So I can't-- excuse me, Matt.

I think someone's-- someone's asking for you.

Yeah, it was good talking to you.

Yeah, you too.

Thank you for coming.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

And I don't even understand why they send this guy.

He's never even seen my dad before in his life.

We all know that he was not a very funny--

I know, I know.

That's why the riggins clan and myself, We're gonna take you out of here tomorrow night, Away from all the death and the dying And the deviled eggs.

Yeah, fine.

Whatever, fine.

I just don't want...

[knock on door]

Someone talking about my dad anymore.

Okay.

Hello.

Hey, Matt.

Our condolences.

On behalf of the boosters-- are you serious?

Excuse me?

On behalf of the boosters And the entire panther organization, We just--

Ah.

[horn honks]

'sup Cafferty?

I'm running, man.

I think he's-- you know, I think he's mad That I'm co-conference player of the week.

Yeah, that's what I'm pissed about.

See this right here?

Look, hey, Luke.

That's me.

That's j.D. Mccoy right there.

But I'm sharing this with this guy.

I don't know who this guy is.

What's his name, vince howard?

Do you know a guy by that name?

Yeah, come to think of it, I do recall spending A couple hours in jail with someone by that name.

I don't know how I got there, Considering my friends were with me at the time, Kevin and--what did you say your name was, j.D. Mcdick?

Oh, come on, man.

Look, the cops were there, okay?

We took off.

I'm sorry.

You're a jackass, dude.

Look, what do you want me to do?

You want me to get out and get on my hands and knees, Is that what you want me to do?

I'll do it.

Look, man.

Buddy, we're both sorry.

All right, but we're going paintballing tomorrow night.

We want you to come.

It'll be fun, man.

Come on, please.

I'll think about it.

Think about it.

All right, but hey, Luke, right here, man.

Give it to me.

Luke, we'll see you around, man.

We're sorry.

Later, bud.

Julie will sit here with you.

Good idea.

Thank you, Julie.

You don't think she'll get hot in there?

No, she'll be fine.

Julie's with her.

She'll be okay.

Don't you worry, okay, hon?

Uh-huh.

What you've got here is what we like to call Our american hero memorial package.

Now, this comes with your choice Of a mahogany or cherry wood casket.

The standard outer burial container.

What-- what's that?

Well, over time, the caskets themselves Deteriorate in the soil, the moisture.

Oh.

And since veteran affairs will be picking up Most of the bill, you can honor your father In a manner he deserves.

Right, thanks.

So there's the embalming.

Is--is my dad here?

Oh, he's being prepared right now.

Do I see him?

I think, in this case, A closed casket is most appropriate.

Right, right.

Okay. So--

Actually, if that's the case, Can I just ask one quick question?

Sorry to interrupt.

This viewing/visitation day, Use of facilities, use of staff, day prior.

That wouldn't be necessary if it's a closed casket, Is that right?

Of course.

Okay, so we can get rid of those charges.

That would be great.

Thank you.

Now see, the rest is laid out.

This is for the funeral service escort.

I don't understand that either.

The funeral service escort, what does that mean exactly?

Well, those are the cars that will--

You know, for the family, friends.

Well, they have cars.

I mean, we all have cars.

Yeah, and, um--

And my grandma's in the car right now.

So can we just decide whatever this is and--

You know, why don't you-- you go on out there.

I can finish up with him.

I think we're just about at the end of it anyway.

You go on out.

You sure?

Yeah, I think so.

I think so.

All right, I think this is just--

Thank you.

You have any questions, call me.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

I'll be right there.

I need to ask you a quick question.

With all due respect, does that boy look like He can pay $9,000 to bury his father?

Well, veterans affairs will be picking up--

You look me in the eye, you tell me veterans affairs Is gonna pick up a $9,000 bill.

No, not the entire $9,000.

Mm-hmm.

But they do pick up a large portion.

Okay, well, I think-- we need to start over From the beginning, okay?

And let's do this quickly, please.

Do you have another listing you can give me?

Keep your hands to yourself, man.

We're looking for old cars like this.

What is this, man?

Old models, man, all right?

You see when they stop making the cars, They stop making the parts.

It makes the parts worth more, you feel me?

Like a bunch of junk parts in here, man.

You see a new car, Think it's sharp, think it's fly, You need to walk away.

Walk away? Why?

Oh, it's 'cause they got that lojack, man.

Man, we're in West texas.

Ain't nobody got no lojack.

You walk away 'cause half them new cars Got them steering locks.

Lojack.

Man, what's wrong with you?

I told him his braids too tight sometimes.

He don't listen.

Hey, man, watch out.

Watch out, what?

Watch out.

Yo, yo, both of you need to shut up.

This here is school, and the more you talk, the more you miss.

The more you miss, the more likely your bitch asses Are gonna do something stupid.

All right, this place where you put the keys in, It's called a tumbler.

You stick your screwdriver in it, Jiggle it a little bit.

Sometimes the dashboard might come on.

Sometimes the engine.

Yo, don't panic.

Be cool and get paid.

[engine starts]

Most of the times, this ain't an option.

Then you gotta hot box the bitch.

Come in closer.

This is the magic.

Honey, we're gonna leave in just a minute.

Yeah, all right.
Hey.

Hi.

That was really nice of your mom.

I appreciate it.

She's good in crisis.

She's pretty much built for crisis.

Yeah.

She's invited you over for dinner tonight If you want to come.

I said you probably had family stuff to do, But if you want to get away for an hour or something, I'd love to see you.

Wkay.

Okay, you'll come or...?

Um...

Yeah, okay, I'll--

Okay, I'll come.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just--

You know, this stuff happens.

Right now it's happening to me.

Someday it's gonna happen to you.

And--

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it like that.

That was a stupid thing to say.

It's okay.

So what time is this dinner?

Koala bears-- you know what they eat?

Do you know what koala bears eat?

And that's more than enough for a first down.

That makes it six carries for 38 yards.

I'm not saying this young man's ready to start, But brian "smash" williams Is making the most of this blowout.

Look at him run, huh?

Look at him go.

Hey.

How 'bout that?

Look at y'all.

Mmm.

Hi, sweet girl.

Hey.

Hey, how you doing?

Did y'all have fun?

It's almost time for a nap for you.

Mm-hmm.

How'd it go?

It went.

Somebody ready for a nap?

"no, no."

Maybe we'll both lie down together for a nap.

[whispering] here, here, here, here, here.

Take that with you.

All right.

How's he holding up?

Um...

He's trying.

Oh.

I'm not going anywhere.

Who's your favorite football player?

You ever heard of johnny unitas?

Mm-hmm.

My old coach over there Used to tell me about johnny unitas.

Said I remind him a lot of johnny unitas.

See that old man over there in the back, One of the oldest guys in this room?

[laughter]

That's my dad.

He taught me everything I know.

You gotta be fast.

You gotta know what plays you're calling.

You gotta look around.

You gotta see everything moving.

When I step to the line, I see everything happening way before it happens.

I'm a good one or two seconds ahead of the coverage.

The boy scout's pretty arrogant.

You guys are all the team, okay?

He's got a hell of an arm.

All right, be a hero, win championships.

I see it in you.

All right?

[applause]

Thank you, j.D.

Now for our other Dillon gazette

Conference player of the week, Vince howard of the East Dillon lions.

[applause]

Now some of you kids here, this is your first year Playing pop warner, but guess what.

This is vince's first year too.

So pay attention, all right?

You've got a role model here.

What do you say, vince?

You got some words for these players here?

What am I supposed to say?

Just talk about the game.

Just tell 'em about it.

Don't panic, all right?

Stay cool, and you'll get paid.

Yeah!

[applause]

Stop.

Hold on, one--

Seriously, get away from me.

Two, say it.

No regrets.

No regret.

[groans]

[laughter]

Ahh!

That feels good.

That was really close.

Hey, you guys remember the state finals game Three years ago?

Uh-uh.

No, billy.

What game?

Who played in it?

Stop messing with me, man.

Are you really reminiscing about three years ago?

You guys remember, there was, like, Ten seconds left on the clock.

We had Matt "mayday" saracen Sitting back there behind the center.

Never has he been called "mayday."

Well, we need to come up with a nickname.

I like "cobra."

It's got a good sound to it.

Hey, cobra, think fast.

You're cobra.

Dude.

Why would you k*ll cobra's beer?

I know.

Hey, let's see your hands.

You guys know I have to give a eulogy At this thing tomorrow?

I got to get up there in front of everybody And say good stuff about this man.

And all I really want to say is, "here lies henry saracen.

"his mother annoyed him.

"his wife couldn't stand him.

"and he didn't want to be a dad, so he took off "to be in the army, 'cause that was the only way "you cou come up with to get out of here "and ditch all your responsibilities "and no one could call you out on it.

"and that worked out great, so you just decided "to enlist four more times, "and that ended up getting you k*lled.

"and now here you are.

"and all you got left, all you left behind "is a mother with dementia, "a divorced wife, "and a son who delivers pizza.

Thank you for coming, 100 people I do not know."

And you know what the worst part is?

Even if I did get up there and say that, Even if I finally did, like, say all that to him, I don't even know if I'd be saying it to him Because I don't even know if he's in that damn box.

It's a closed casket.

For all I know, it's someone else.

It's someone funnier.

Or a bunch of rocks.

I don't ev--

Well...

There's only one way to find out then.

Right?

Cobra, you got the key.

There's no key.

Break the window.

There's probably a door--

Just break it.

It's stuck.

Yeah.

Go.

All right, go in.

You sure we're supposed to be doing--

You're wasted.

Where is he?

Where is he?

That's where I saw him before.

Hold on.

All right, it's this guy, it's this guy.

Hey.

Hey, Matt.

Hey, my friend-- hey, hold on.

My friend wants to see his old man.

I want to see my dad.

Um, well, I thought we agreed earlier That that probably wasn't a very good idea.

Look, buddy, he wants to see his dad.

Hey, hey.

Just hey, stop, stop, stop.

Landry.

Look, I know what we decided earlier, But now...

I want to see my dad. Now.

That's him?

Yeah.

Son, I really don't think this is a very good idea.

I appreciate that, But please just open it.

Okay.

Thank you.

Matt, you all right?

Hey, kevin, right here, man.

[paintball g*ns sh**ting]

Pictures, baby.

Dude, I thought we were going to the field, man, come on.

We are going to the field.

We're just getting a little practice in first.

Kevin, cut that out, dude.

You're getting paint on my truck, man, come on.

This truck's a piece of crap anyways.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, it's a piece of crap I had to pay for with my own money, dumbass.

Hey, yo, yo.

All right, bud.

Get this pedestrian right here.

Hey, don't sh**t him.

Don't sh**t him.

Whoo!

Oh, my god.

What are you doing?

[tires squeal]

What are you stopping the car for?

Get out of the truck.

Get out of the truck!

Hey, yo, relax.

Just chill out.

You got some kind of chip on your shoulder, man.

I'm fine.

Look, that school you go to Is a dump, okay?

We all know this.

Do you want us to pretend it's not And lie about it to you?

Oh, okay, so every time we get to hang out, That means I get to be the one that you all look down on?

We don't look down on you.

[scoffs]

We look down on you with you.

[laughs] that's right.

That was a good one.

All right, jokers.

All right, that's funny.

What?

Come on, Luke.

Get out.

Why you gotta do this?

Get out of the truck.

What's your problem tonight, man?

What's my problem?

You're my problem, idiot.

What are you doing?

Ah, god!

What are you doing, dude?

I'm not going paintballing is what I'm doing.

You know what, screw you, Luke.

How's it feel being second best on the worst team in texas?

All right, better watch it.

Ah!

Come on, man.

Luke, I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry too.

You're done, dude.

You're done.

Come on, Luke.

Get off my truck!

Get off my truck.

Screw you, Luke!

[f*ring]

Hey.

Hey.

How'd it go?

Second runner-up.

That's, um-- that's third, right?

Yeah.

Then I guess it's not really--

Third place sucks.

Yeah, it's crap.

Yep.

So how was your day?

Weird.

Weird how?

I saw something that, uh--

Or rather I saw someone see something that...

You ever just feel completely useless?

You're not useless.

Right.

Close your eyes.

Just do it.

[clears throat]

No.

This--

This can't happen.

I can't do this.

Good night.

♪ ♪

Hi.

You got I.D.?

Oh, it's for my mama.

She ain't feeling too good.

I need to see I.D.

Okay, you know what, I walked all--

Hey bud, you're almost out of soap.

Hey.

Becky, right?

Yeah.

There you go.

That doesn't look good.

Mm-mm.

What do you think?

I think you ought to buy something.

We're together.

This is my stuff.

♪ ♪

Here's my I.D.

Thanks.

Sure.

Well, thanks again.

Yeah, yeah.

My name's Luke.

I know who you are.

Oh.

Here you go.

Yeah.

See you later.

All right, night.

Hey, you want to go to a car wash?

I got to go to a car wash.

Look at that thing.

Sure.

Why the hell not?

All right.

Why the hell not?

[knocking at door]

You want to get that, sweetie?

Hey.

Hey.

Sorry, um, I know I'm really late.

It's okay.

We saved you a plate.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mrs. Taylor, I'm sorry.

I know that--

Oh, you're fine, honey.

We saved you a plate.

We saved our dessert for now.

We'll have dessert with you.

You're fine.

Thank you.

Come on, sit down.

Don't you worry.

You drive?

No, sir, no, no.

I had a nice walk though.

Well?

You don't have to eat it if you don't want to.

I'm hungry.

Well, do you want something else, hon?

You don't-- no, it's--

I'm sorry, Mrs. Taylor, I don't like carrots.

Oh, well, then--

And I don't like when they touch the meat so...

Well, I'll just take it away then.

No, look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, no.

No, it's fine.

I'm being rude.

I'm sorry, I don't--

Honey, you're fine.

I don't like being rude.

I don't like being rude.

It's okay.

I'm just having a moment here.

I just--

I'm just having a moment.

I don't think I'm okay.

Matt.

[sobbing]

I hate him.

And I don't--

I don't like hating people.

But I just put all my hate on him So I don't have to hate anybody else And so that I could be a good person, you know, To my grandmother and to my friends.

To your daughter.

That's all I want to say.

I just want to tell him to his face that I hate him.

But he doesn't even have a face.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Taylor.

I'm--I'll see y'all tomorrow.

Matt.

Matt, you don't have to go.

It's all right.

Matt!

Honey, honey.

Come here, sweetie.

It's okay.

You're just gonna let him go like that?

Shh.

I'll get him.

I'll get him.

It'll be all right.

It'll be all right.

Be all right.

Be all right.

It's okay.

I have to do something.

I can't just let him hurt like that.

Matt.

Matt!

I'm gonna walk you home.

Okay.

Looks good.

It's pretty.

Thank you.

The picture.

Look at his picture.

Yeah.

Lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom and the power And the glory forever and ever.

Amen.

Now, Matt would like to share Some words of remembrance with us.

Um...

I'm just gonna tell you one story I remember, and that'll be it.

We were at the...

Supermarket.

It was me and my mom, Grandma...

And my dad--

All four of us, our whole family.

My dad was pushing the cart, and he stopped to grab some toilet paper And put it in the cart, and my grandma said, "no, that's not the right one.

That's not the right toilet paper that we use."

She grabbed the right toilet paper And put it in the cart And stormed off.

And my dad just kinda stared off at her.

And then he just started grabbing all the toilet paper Off the shelf and putting it in the cart.

I mean, he just stacked it full of--

And it wasn't spiteful or nothing.

He--

I don't know, maybe you had to be there, But as a six-year-old, It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen in my life, and I just laughed about it for weeks.

I guess...

My dad was just a funnier person than he really let on.

He was kinda private in that way, and I don't really know y.

But one thing that he wasn't private about Was his service.

He was in the army for 20 years, and that was something that he was--

He was proud of.

And he missed--

He missed some of my birthdays, and he missed A lot of me growing up.

But I think the point is that I got to grow up.

And I got to have those birthdays.

You know, he went and did a job That not many people want to do.

Because of that, we all get to be here, and we get to grow up, and we get to have our birthdays.

And I think that's something to be proud of.

So thank you for being here.

And my family thanks you.

♪ ♪

On behalf of the president of the United States And our grateful nation, For the faithful service rendered by your loved one.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Fire.

[g*nsh*t]

Fire.

[g*nsh*t]

Fire.

[g*nsh*t]

Y'all are invited now To the saracen house for a reception.

So we hope to see you there.
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