01x06 - A Real Botswana Diamond

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency". Aired: March 2009 to May 2009.
A Botswanan woman starts up the country's first female-owned detective agency. Based on the series of novels by Alexander McCall Smith.
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01x06 - A Real Botswana Diamond

Post by bunniefuu »




'This is Precious Ramotswe. Please leave a message after the tone.'

[ BEEP ]


Keep tomorrow free - an old friend will be coming to see you.

Oh, you're up at last.

If there is one thing a man cannot stand, it is change and Rra Maketoni is no different.

You are looking round his house first, make no promises, make noconcessions, and when he comes here, we will bowl him over with delight.

Bowl him over.

All his favourite foods in one huge spread.

He will not be able to say no.

There will be only one answer to where the two of you should live.

Number 5, Zebra Drive.

Now, let me get on.

She's late.

I am not late, I am never late, I have never been late and I never will be.

I meant your boss.

She is not late.

She is otherwise engaged.


Florence, you are supposed to be tidying the house, Mma Ramotswe will be here any minute.

Why all the fuss? She has been here before.

That was different.



Just get this place tidied, and quick.


They have taken the coloured chalk from the blackboard.

They are getting bolder.

First it was windows left open, now they are breaking them to get in.

So, the chalk, the cake tin...

The coloured chalk, not the white, the cake tin and the cake.

So, the coloured chalk, the cake tin and the cake. Petty cash?

Still there.

So the third break-in and there's no cash stolen.

My banana stapler!

Sorry, your banana what?

My stapler, shaped like a... my diploma!

My 97%.

Vandals, animals! Who would do a thing like this?

You'd better tell Mma Ramotswe.

She is not to be disturbed.

Even for this?

She has a big decision to make.

Bigger than this?

I will leave a message.

Dumela. Dumela, Rra.

What does she do for her money, this maid of yours?


That mop is dry.


This is a very fine room.

It is important to have a special room for important visitors.

Do you have many important visitors, Rra?

I have one today.

Please lead on.

That way. That is the not so tidy part of the house.




Sorry, Ididn't hear you, I was just too busy.

There's certainly much to do.

There certainly is, yes. A house this dirty needs a lot of work.

And who areyou to say this house is dirty?I have seen for myself what goes on here.

Listen, Mma.

I have worked for this man for many years, I have cooked for him, I have cleaned and I have fed him good food.


Good food?

Who does she think she is, coming into my kitchen and saying all these things?

I am his fiance.


Without a word to me!

You cannot marry her. She will k*ll you.

She's a good woman Florence, and if you like, we can find you another job. What?

My cousin runs a hotel near the bus station.

I'm not a bus stationmaid! I'm a high-class maid!

You are a high-class cheat, all talk and no work.

She will break your bed.

You will die, this is going to be the end of you.

No, Mma, this is the end for you.

I will not get pushed out by this bed-breaker.

Fine! I will go home, Mma.

I will be back.

I am Florence - I will show you!


Where are my cigarettes?



I apologise on behalf of my bad-tempered maid.


Answer your phone, and then we will visit my house.



The pump.

I see. Again?

I will fix the pump and come straight to your house.

Please be as quick as you can. OK.

Intruder enters premises by breaking window.

Intruder or intruders.

He/she/they then make assessment of valuables and make off with coloured chalk, cake tin, cake... and banana stapler...

.. leaving Mma Ramotswe's desk untouched...

.. smashing teacupin frustration, and diploma in envy.


I thought you would come.

Share them with everyone, eh?

It is making a very strange noise, not like the strange noises it has made before, like an elephant when it trumpets, and shaking like a dog.

The pump is getting very old now, Mma, machinery doesn't last for ever.

The children need shoes, they need clothes, I have to pay the staff - there is no money for a new pump.

You and this pump are very old friends.

But one day you will have to write aletter to the British.

"Dear British, here is your pump which you left in Africa, "it's finished now, please come and pick it up, thank you."

One day, Rra, but not today.


You know... Oh, I hear you are engaged to be married.

One of our housemothers lives across the road from the cousin of Mma Ramotswe's butcher.

Yes. Oh, congratulations, Rra!

Thank you, Mma. She's a beautiful lady. She is.

And you will be needing a beautiful big diamond ring.

Mma, where is Rra Matekoni, is henot coming?

He is fixing the pump at the orphanage - he will be here very soon.

Just time for you to smarten up.

Rose, I am smart already. Now please go back to what you were doing.


'Keep tomorrow free - an old friend will be coming to see you.'

Rose, Iam not feeling well, you must go.

But the food... I will deal with it. There are still pans on the stove.

I will turn them off. What is it? What happened?

We must bowl him over. We can bowl him over another day.

Note, Note.

There was a call for you, boss.

A Mr Patel from Kgale Hill.

There's been another break-in.


He's not a morning person.

Where's the phone?

My name is Motholeli. I have brought you some water.

Thank you - fixing this thing is hot work.

Were the cylinders choked?

Yes, they were.

We have a book in the library - How Things Work.

You like mechanical things?

I rely on them.

And the wheel on your chair, can you identify the problem there?

Lack of oil.

You are a modern girl, Motholeli.

Does a modern lady require a diamond ring if she is to be engaged?

She does. A diamond ring for...

50,000 Pula. It is the one thing on which all ladies agree.


Mma, working on the pump has left me a little unkempt.

Am I still acceptable for the tour of Number Five, Zebra Drive?

Rra, I am not well, I think I have come down with a virus.

I need to be in on my own today.

That's not what you need. No?

You need a beautiful diamond engagement ring.

What's the matter?

You are such a good, good man, JLB.

And you're a good, good lady.

Do you really think so?

I know so.

I made some mistakes in my past.

Who has not?

Today all mistakes are washed away.

We will buy the ring to prove it.

And then I must come straight home.


There is someone I think you should meet.

First I have to eat, and I have to eat a lot.

And there is something else I am going to need, too.

Get some breakfast for Rra Mokoti. I will pick him up in half an hour.

Note Mokoti, he in Gaborone.

No need to worry about him. He's history now.

This lady is Mma Ramotswe, and she's engaged to me.

I wish to buy her a ring for this engagement, a diamond ring, with a Botswana diamond from our own mines.

I saw you arrive looking very happy.

You parked beside my car, but not too close I hope! HE LAUGHS You are a fortunate man, not every man can find such a cheerful fat woman to marry, there are many thin hectoring women around today.

I am very lucky man. And now you must buy her a very big man, a fat woman can not wear a tiny ring.

What do you think of those, Mma?

They are beautiful.

Are they from Botswana? Absolutely. The finest in the world.

90,000 pula?

I am not a lady to wear a big ring, I was hoping for a small ring.

I can do discounts.


Maybe 12. This is a beautiful ring for a beautiful woman.

Mma, I didn't mean...

You must have whichever ring you choose. How much are those?

15%. You drive a hard bargain.

I don't want this ostentatious ring, I would like... one of these.

Diamonds like those may be easily missed, people may not notice such a diamond at all.

I will notice it, Rra Matekoni will notice it, and that is all that matters.

Bring the rings.

Are they from Botswana? As Botswana as you or me.

The break-ins are my case, Mma. But you said nothing about this, you are not playing fair.

Luckily, I have my own sources of information.

We are perfectly capable of handling this ourselves.

We? Where is your boss today?

That is none of your business.

It's strange that she's not here in a crisis.

Put that right back!

Give it to me.

So, you can handle this yourselves.

Any leads?For all I know it was you that broke in here.

To steal your coloured chalks.

How do you know about the coloured chalks?

It's here in your report.

I would have bought you the other one.

I am very happy with this one. Mma?

What is it?

I love you.

I am... very glad.

I still have a pocketful of pula, let's go to the President Hotel for a celebration lunch.

Another time. Or another time, yes.

Is everything OK, Mma?

Everything's fine.

But I must go home now.

Then we will visit your house now, as we planned. Another time.

Or another time, yes.

ANSWERPHONE:'Mma, it's me, first of all do not panic, I am...'

Come on if you're coming.


When I was a policeman in Jo'burg, there was a man called Johnny Dollars. he was a one-man crime wave.

Everybody was afraid of him.

We knew what he was up to but we could never make it stick.

You remember Johnny Dollars, Note. Mm-hmm.

He would never admit to anything. Then one day, someone told me that Johnny Dollars was terrified of his grandmother. HE LAUGHS See, just as he ruled Jo'burg with a rod of iron, so she had ruled him when he was kid.

She didn't like the way he had turned out.

So, I arrested him and brought his grandmother to his cell, and now he is doing 25 years.

Good for you.

The look on Johnny Dollars' face when I opened the cell door and showed in his grandmother.

I saw that same look on your face, Mma, when I said the name Note Mokoti to you.

What do you want?

I have a talent for introductions.



So, you have become someone at last. No thanks to you.

Don't be so sure.

You are not welcome here.

And what will it take to make me go away?

You didn't need to go to so much trouble.

Leave that alone.

She still has your records. Leave my things alone!Mr Buthelezi tells me you are engaged to be married.

See how she tries to hide the ring. But there is one big problem with your new-found freedom.

I do not recall us ever getting a divorce.

Maybe you hoped I was d*ad... or that I had forgotten I ever married you.

There have been so many other girls, after all...

What can a man do but say yes?

Or did you think that now you are so high and mighty someone like me does not count? Someone from your past, from the bad old days.

I am not the same person now, that girl you used to shout at and punch, she is gone.

That is what you like to think.


That is what you like to think.

Are the lovebirds fighting already?

I will see you at the gig.

Most times people pay to hear me but with you it will be different, you will pay to keep me quiet.

And then you will give me the divorce.

In instalments.

I cannot keep paying you! I am not made of money.

The agency accounts are improving, I saw them for myself.

Note, for old time's sake, have pity.

You brought him here just for this?

It always pays to do a little background research.

Whatever would he think of you, this simple mechanic man accepting his ring under false pretences, even if it is a counterfeit.


Cubic zirconium, a fake diamond for a fake engagement.
Dumela, Mma.

Dumela, Rra. Did you decide whose home to live in?

I think Mma Ramotswe has a good idea.

And did you celebrate after?

Mma Ramotswe was unwell.

Unwell? What happened here?

We are the latest victims in the Kgale Hill break-ins.

Does she know?

I phoned her and left a message.

And no reply?

It is not at all like Mma Ramotswe.

Something is not right.

Do you think...

We will go now, we will be very direct to get to the bottom of this.

She is not here and her van is gone.

I knew she was not ill, but I made soup just in case.

She cannot lie to me, not to me. I have known her for too long.

She is not herself, do you agree?

She is a very troubled lady.

I could read it in her face in capital letters, something is wrong.

We think the same. It is ever since she became engaged to you, Rra Matekoni.

Do you think she has cold feet?

Mma Ramotswe is very deep, that's why she's a good detective.

Who knows what she's thinking?

Have you got any idea where she could be?I have.

And when you find her, bring her back here and make her eat this soup.


It's me, Precious.

I have done a foolish thing, Daddy.

I have agreed to marry a good man... while I am still married to a bad one.

Why would I do that?

I will stay here.

It's as I thought. She is unsure about me.

She has nothing but good to say about you.

And about Note Mokoti, nothing but bad. Yes.

So why is she still playing his records?

Perhaps she is putting something behind her once and for all.

It's because she has such strong feelings for him.

Strong feelings of hatred. Strong feelings are strong feelings.

But for me?Strong feelings of love.

You have heard her say that?

We are wasting time here.

Did you hear her say it?

It is not the sort of thing she would come right out and say.

Mma, thank God I have found you! Everyone is very worried about you.

Who is worried?

I am worried, and... and BK, and Rra Matekoni, and your maid. We are all worried.

Where is Rra Matekoni now?

He was... very busy.

Then I can tell you what is the matter.

Cephas Buthelezi told me my diamond ring was a fake.

He was at the agency strutting about and talking rubbish.

That man knows nothing about diamonds or detection!

You should have come to me straight away.

I can see that now.

This is a lovely... little... ring.

Not a word to Rra Matekoni.

My lips are sealed.


Very good!

You work hard, Rra.

You deserve a hearty meal.

You deserve many things for all the hard work you have put in through all the years, and you don't want to just throw it all away just because for one little moment you let down your guard.

That is what happens with a woman like that, Rra.

She gets in under your guard and before you know it...

It's a very good dinner, Florence, but clearly you think that I'm a pushover.

You, Rra? No.

Look at me yesterday, afraid to tell you I was getting married, hiding behind my fiance's petticoats.

Plenty of room there, Rra. That's enough, Florence.

It is my house and I will set the agenda.

Whatever you say, Rra.


NOTE:'Mr Buthelezi tells me that you are engaged to be married.'

'I don't recall us ever getting a divorce.'

'You will pay to keep me quiet.'

'There have been so many other girls, after all, so many other girls.'

CEPHAS:'It's always best to do a little background research.'










You think you scare me, do you?


I'm not afraid of you.

You should be afraid of me.


Who is that calling at this ridiculous hour?

Mr Patel?Mma Ramotswe.

I am sorry to call late but I have solved the mystery of the Kgale Hill break-ins.


Births, marriages, deaths?

Yes, please come in.

This is a cheque for her work on the case of Jack, my daughter's imaginary boyfriend.

A fat cheque as promised.

And this is for solving the mystery of the Kgale Hill break-ins.

Something which that man, Buthelezi, failed to do.

Quite right. That is twice he has let me down.

I am a great believer in second chances but third ones are not in my lexicon.

So, you will stick with the ladies.

I'm a ladies' man.

Dumela, Mma.

Dumela, Rra. Dumela, Rra.

She's not at home and she's not here.

She is following a line of enquiry.

I was just saying, Rra, what a great job these ladies have made of this place.

It puts us mere men to shame. Very true.

You are in a good mood this morning, Rra Matekoni.

I'm a man on a mission.

You are can-do ladies, I've taken the decision to be a can-do man.

I must prove that I'm worthy of Mma Ramotswe's love.

I know how you can do that.

I already have a plan. I've got two tickets.

It will go straight to the heart of Mma Ramotswe's problems.

Did you find what you were looking for?

I found what I'd hoped to find and I did not find what I'd hoped not to find.

Criminal records?Yes, yes.

Good morning, Rra, did you sleep well? Very well, Mma, and you?

No sleep for me, do you know why?

Was your tiny ring too small for your finger?

My ring was just the right size, it was not that that kept me awake.

I am glad to hear it.

I'm a detective, Rra, did you know that?


I make it my business to find things out, so I stayed up very late and found out all about cubic zirconium.

In case you didn't know, it's used as a diamond simulant.

And what is that to me? I will tell you.

I continued my research in a very different direction this morning, and I found out all about you, Rra.

Your life has been very eventful and very well-documented.

Good day, Mma.

So, I thought I would sit here today and tell anyone who comes along the story of Kebone Legodimo.

LOUDLY: Jeweller and jailbird.

Once upon a time there was... HE CLEARS HIS THROAT a...

I will be keeping a keen eye on your business practice.

I'm here to ask you out on a date.

Rra, I... To the Note Mokoti gig this evening. I have two tickets.

He is a famous jazz musician, in case you didn't know.

Also, Mma, I would like to get your ring engraved. Could you let me have it until this evening?

Of course.

I cannot stop.


Now what?

This ring, that's what.

Rra, I am not doing anything...

You will do as you are told or there will be trouble. Replace it.




I think I'm paying over the odds here, he's missed his cue.



Where are you, man? We are all waiting.



You came. Of course.

Sometimes it's best to face up to your fears. That is true.

I'm talking about both of us.

You look beautiful.

Ha-ha! Thank you. You look very handsome. Thank you.

Dumela, Rra. Dumela, Rra. Two tickets for near the front, please.

No need for a ticket, Mma. You're on the guest list. You were coming already?

Not out of choice. And may I ask what you were coming to do?

It's a business matter with Cephas Buthelezi. Not with Note?

With him too.

Dumela, Rra.

Are you looking for me, Florence? Of course I was.

So, are you buying me a drink?

It's good to do things you don't normally do.

I will go now and speak to Note.

Then I will come with you.

There is no need for that. Mma, I am determined to be more courageous.

It was courageous of you to ask me to marry you again, after I turned you down. Then I will build from that base.

It's time to shout your love from the rooftops.



You come to make good on your promise.

Where is he?Never mind for the moment. I don't want to be here a moment longer than necessary.

I heard you cracked the break-ins case. More than I can say for you.

You are good at your job, Mma, but the predators will be always be circling.

Men like Note will always see you as vulnerable.

It was you who brought him here.

To prove that lady detectives need me.

Note will be back again and again, and in the end he will take all you have.

And you will stop him?

For a controlling interest in your agency, yes, I will.

When you can't even get him to open the door?

Note, open the door please.

He's an artist, you know? He has moods.

Note, it is Precious Ramotswe.

Lock it again. Note, Rra, my reputation!


I said lock it again!

Did you bring the money?

I brought a cheque. How much?

It is blank.

Then starting writing zeros.

I need to know you will not come back to me again.

Is that so?

Or do you sometimes wish that I hadn't gone away?

Take your hand off me.

When the nights are long and dark...

When the nights were long and dark you were never there.

With me you take the rough with the smooth.

I lost my baby.

There would have been others.

There would have been other bruises too. And broken bones.

I was glad when you went away.

Now I'm here again.

Wanting money.

Just write the cheque, or you will never marry your car mechanic.

That is what you like to think.

So, I won't hurt you now, is that what you think?

I've been afraid of you for so long, Note.

First, it was your fists, and then that you might come back.

And now you have.

I still have those fists.

But nothing else.

I did some research.

Note, I do not need a divorce from you.

You were married when we met.

You just forgot to tell me.

You had no right to marry me, no right to do any of it!

Get out.

This is why you need money?

For that stuff?

How long have you been taking it?

Get out.

Why would you take that when you have what you have?

What do I have? Nothing. You destroyed me.

You have this!

Your music.

The reason why all those people are here tonight.

And... what else?

Just that is more than most.

For this... not for that.

Everybody is waiting, Note.

♪ I don't care if you don't want me

♪ I'm yours right now

♪ I put a spell on you

♪ Because you're mi-i-i-i-ne.

♪ Yeah. ♪

I do not remember.

I think you do.

I told them you were with me all night long and the case collapsed.

All night long?


I would have remembered.

So now you owe me a favour.

There is this big woman who is causing me a big problem.

Me and Rra Matekoni have a good thing going and she is going to ruin it all.



You know, when I was growing up on the orphan farm, this man was always there to help us out, and he never charged for his services. And today, I can return the favour.

Will you please welcome to the stage, Gabarone's greatest mechanic, Mr JLB Matekoni.


Ladies and gentleman, I would like to dedicate this gig to a very special lady, and an old friend of the man you have come to see play his trumpet tonight.

My fiance, Precious Ramotswe, the best detective and the finest lady in all Botswana.



Ladies and gentleman, one lucky man.

One, two, one, two, three, four.


Come. We have faced enough demons for one night.

Nandira!Dumela, Mma.

We cannot stop, we are late.

Don't be late home or your father will be calling me again.

I won't. Oh, and, Mma... this is Jack.

Hi, hello.



Hands up!

Where have you been? I've been waiting so long!

Oh, baby!


You remember, Mma, I said I was going to be more courageous.

I remember very well.

I took the ring back and made him change it for a real one.

Mma Makutsi told you?And I made him engrave it. Free of charge.

For a real Botswana diamond.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, I love you, JLB Matekoni.

I am very glad.

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