05x01 - Like Hell

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Lost Girl". Aired September 12, 2010 – October 25, 2015.*
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"Lost Girl" focuses on the gorgeous and charismatic Bo, a supernatural being called a succubus who feeds on the energy of humans, sometimes with fatal results. Refusing to embrace her supernatural clan system and its rigid hierarchy, Bo is a renegade who takes up the fight for the underdog while searching for the truth about her own mysterious origins.
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05x01 - Like Hell

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on Lost Girl.

Because we are family.

Family sticks together.

The Helskór, the ancient hel shoes sought after by the most powerful Fae, they can lead to the end of days.

Dyson, where is that second hel shoe?

Hidden.

Wait for the true hero.

Will you marry me?

Kenzi: We just need to slow down a bit, we have all the time in the world.

Bo, you can bring him back.

You have to do it!

No, Kenzi, there isn't enough chi.

Take it from me!

No, I can't lose you.

I will never forgive you.

I chose you, and you broke my heart.

Unclaim me.

I unclaim you.

Bo: My father's close, I can feel him.

I swear fealty to you, Isabeau, forever.

A human doctor who can turn the Fae mortal?

They're going to be coming for you.

Yeah, let 'em try.

"And the daughter's heart will close the portal?"

It is the only way to close the gateway to hel, it's Bo's heart and I'm it.

I will wait for Bo in Valhalla!

Whatever it takes, I will get you back.

You can't let Bo find the second hel shoe.

♪ She'll be coming around the mountain ♪
♪ She'll be coming around the mountain ♪
♪ She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes ♪

Kenzi!

(Rumbling)

Like I wasn't expecting a booby trap.

Come on.

She dead?

Looks like she's still breathing.

Let's take her home and take care of her.

Let's take turns taking care of her.

My, my...

Aren't you a pretty little thing.

(Grunting)

How sad for you.

You won't get to take care of anyone.

Ever again.

(Cracking)

(Screaming)

♪ She'll be riding six white horses ♪
♪ She'll be riding six white horses ♪
♪ She'll be riding six white horses when she comes ♪

Roommate?

Where did you hide it this time?

Where did I hide what shoe?

Lying's not your strong suit, milkmouth.

Cough it up.

You found the other one.

How?

Eagles, climbing, very "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman."

So I can finally put both shoes on and skip into Valhalla to get Kenzi back.

Remember Kenzi?

She raised you when you were just a wee, reborn Valkyrie?

Bo, you can't go.

Why?

You can't can't, you'll never come back.

Why?

I can't say.

But there is a why.

A really good why.

Good stuff, very convincing.

Bo, please, you have to trust me, please.

I can hear you in your sleep.

Screaming.

What happened when you delivered Kenzi's soul?

I wish I could tell you.

Whatever it is: Hell fires, evil dragons, sexy dragons...

I don't care, I can handle it.

We can handle it.

Come with me.

You're the only one who can help.

Solo mission.

Got it.

Just hand over the footwear.

It belonged to the Una Mens.

Yeah.

They're dead.

Your point?

It's with the next in charge.

You found it?

Bo, we need to talk.

Is this the part where you tell me I'm making the wrong choice?

I'm putting myself in grave danger.

Well, sort of.

And... when dealing in matters of the afterlife, there are unknowns.

Rules.

Everything has a price... and whatever the cost, you're willing to pay it?

Nailed it.

Look, Kenzi might be in danger.

Scared.

Worst of all...

She's alone.

I was held back from saving her once.

I won't let it happen again.

We'll do whatever we can on this side to ensure your safe return.

You know I'd go with you if I could, right?

Because you pledged fealty to me?

Because I love Kenzi too.

For the worthy hero.

Bring her home.

If you see Isabeau, your grandmother.

Tell her...

Let's hope they fit.

Is the splenectomy Susan up?

Just now, in critical pain.

Let's keep her in ICU and administer an epidural.

What about bed one?

How are we doing, Mr. Dupont?

(Coughing)

He's code you know what, we'll take him in.

Worst case?

I lose all control and go on a m*rder spree like the last person who put on the shoes.

And the only way to stop me is to... that's code for slit my throat.

Very clear.

Thank you.

I'm assuming that's what happened to the woman from Dyson's past your subconscious depicted as me.

You sang in French, you know?

Was I any good?

A plus.

Lauren, I don't want to hurt anyone.

You won't.

I won't let you.

That's why you're here.

I'll monitor and sedate you at any sign of abnormality.

I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Bo, you know that.

Listen.

(Chuckling)

Oh, oh we're joking.

(Awkward laughter)

Sorry.

Please just refrain from putting on the other one.

I need at least 20 or 30 minutes to hook up your vital organs to the ECG.

Then I'm going to need an accurate body temperature reading.

Orally will work, but rectally is generally considered...

I just have to get to Kenzi.

Intravenous in case of cardiac arrest.

Um, Lauren?

I'm going as fast as I can, Bo.

Uh...

What did you do?

I had to, I couldn't wait.

Something's happening inside me...

OK, you just breathe.

Relax.

Try to control it.

I'm trying. I can't.

Bo Dennis, listen to me.

If anybody can, you can.

Take my hand.

Other worst case...

You disappear.

You're late.

For?

The sh*t-storm.

Welcome to my Hell.

206 arrivals, 39 events, and a disaster of a Reno in the Turkish spa... a spa?

In Hell?

Only I'm allowed to call it Hell.

It's Valhalla to you.

I need arrangements in all the lobbies, and I like my bouquets tight.

I don't like filler.

I hate filler.

Who likes filler?

It's so... blah.

You're not the florist.

Why in the name of my glorious afterlife were you fondling my flower?

Great setup for a joke there, really.

But lady... mistress.

What am I supposed to do now?

My florist is stuck in Tartarus until Tuesday!

I'm looking for a friend.

How refreshingly earnest of you.

Check in first.

Make friends later.

I'm sorry, I've checked.

You're not in our system.

(Bell ringing)

Urgh, a stray.

(Screaming)

Always book ahead.

What's your name?

Uh...

Looks like they could use your help.

Warriors, truly.

They would k*ll to win.

Until a bus k*lled them.

Large groups are the worst.

Speak for yourself.

Your name, please?

You cut right to the chase.

I need you to help me find someone...

No touching, just your name.

I am...

So freakin' excited to be here that I have to use the little Fae's room.

Again.

Be right back!

(Chattering on television)

Oh wow, this is sad.

You have to tell me everything you know about the under realms.

Eat a sack of tits.

What did you say to me?

Eat...

A sack...

Of tits.

Uh, okay.

Why?

Because then your mouth would be full of tits and I wouldn't have to listen to your dumb-ass voice.

Okay.

Valhalla is your home... more like head office.

Point is: You can help.

You have to try.

You think it's so easy, don't you?

No.

I don't.

I don't think anything we do is easy, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

You claim to be a part of this group.

That you love Kenzi and Bo.

I don't see it.

Well maybe you should wear some glasses.

Hm, you kind of peaked at sack of tits.

Now tell me, what is Bo up against?

Or just destroy the chesterfield.

If they find out this diary exists, I'm dead.

How's documentation of your first Valkyrie kiss supposed to help me?

It's less first-finger-bang, more...

Just - more.

Trust me.

Plus I never kiss and tell.

Fine.

So sprout some wings and fly to Bo.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

I need a soul.

I happen to have a halfbreed kapre in my clinic coughing up fireballs with minutes left to live.

You need a soul?

You got one.

You'll never understand.

You're human.

Well, maybe not.

But we have all made sacrifices.

Except for you.

Time to get your Valkyrie on, Tamsen.

Please be chocolate.

Kenzi prints!

Kenzi?

Bobo.

You're okay! It's really you!

Are you okay?

I can't believe...

(talking over one another)

You don't look dead!

I don't feel dead!

I missed you.

I missed you!

Not just since you walked into the portal, since before then...

Bo.

No, I was distant and selfish and...

Bo, you're here.

I'm here.

In couture, apparently.

That's all that matters.

Have you seen ha... safety test!

Mother's name?

Birth: Aife. Adoptive: Mary Dennis. Dream: Tina Turner.

Wing sauce?

Half extra hot. Half honey garlic.

All blue cheese dipped.

Middle name?

Trick question!

You don't have one.

Favorite alias?

Too hard!

You have too many!

You got this, you got this, come on...

Toni, with an I, soprano.

Yeah!

Get your bodacious booty onto my double premium mattress so I can tell you all about how this place is Hell.

Do you want a Belgian waffle?

Ta-da.

This is totally hellish.

Mmm.

Has anyone hurt you?

No.

t*rture?

Hell fires?

Dragons?

No, no, and I wish!

It's been 5 star everything since I got here.

Anything I want, mine.

Watch this.

Hi.

I'm not really feeling my view.

Can we switch it up?

Thanks.

(Rumbling)

No way.

You know how many emojis I've been wanting to text you about this place!

Any Ben and Jerry's flave I want.

Including the discontinued oatmeal cookie chunk.

Shut up.

Oh my God, and look what I have.

Clueless two.

Sister Act Three: Rosary's baby's got back.

A prequel to Goonies.

And they're all super watchable!

Did you say double pillow top?

Yes, I did.

Oh my God, and look at this.

Apparently, I'm hosting a party.

They keep sending me dresses in my exact size and hard to pinpoint style.

But listen, I am so glad you're here to save me from this trash hole.

(Phone ringing)

Hello, mouth breather.

If you want to play stalker from the bodyguard, try Whitney's room.

I'm busy.

What was that about?

Blue light hotel perv calls once a day.

Yet another reason for you to get me outta here.

After a scoop of chunky monkey?

Oh my God, isn't it good?

It's so good.

I think they use different milk in Valhalla.

For all we know they're being tortured.

Or b*rned alive, or worse buried alive.

Over and over again.

They're hel shoes.

Emphasis on "hel".

Why couldn't Tamsin just tell us herself?

A Valkyrie's blood is bound to secrecy.

If they discuss details of the "other-worlds", they die.

She can't even communicate that she can't communicate.

So Tamsin's only outlet is a secret journal.

Listen to this...

"Thomas is a simple human.

If it wasn't for his muscular arms and enormous... "

"he thinks my job is so simple.

Heaven, Hell.

It's so much more.

I have to run along, sneaking into Tartarus with nismat today!"

Tartarus?

It's an afterlife I thought was fiction.

Folklore says that souls are assigned to different realms.

I don't get it.

Kenzi's in Valhalla.

Wouldn't the shoes bring Bo here... hey.

"How silly.

Everyone is chattering about a pair of shoes created for non-Valkyries.

So they can enter Valhalla on the...

Bi frost?"

Bifrost.

You hungry, Trick?

Bifrost connects the different realms.

A bridge, in some cases a teleport.

Explains Bo's super solar flare.

"The wearer of the shoes can collect souls to build a dark army. The army to end all life."

The real question: Why do they only work on Bo?

Someone, something wants her to bring hel on Earth.

This is bigger than bringing Kenzi back, isn't it?

It's bigger than all of us.

I've been here.

This is where I found Tamsin.

This is the great where souls cross over to Valhalla.

But it only reveals itself to Valkyries.

Maybe we can mislead it.

I found Tamsin's hair in Massimo's druid stash.

He said it was the key to opening things.

Usually I'm against all things Massimo but if it's the only way...

Let's go open some gates.

I said lame!

Hi, Freyja.
Tasmin, what colour would you say this chair is?

Um... Not lamé?

Good answer.

Go.

You came home.

I was just delivering a soul.

And wanted to see you.

Thank you for being so great.

You are a suspicious little thing.

The Valkyrie with an extra seven lives.

Is that what they're calling me now?

It's not that catchy.

It's quite the deal you made with the blood king.

Something you could never take back.

I came for forgiveness.

(Whispering)

And yet you bring me sub-par souls?

Get rid of it.

Up or down?

Down.

What? It's a noble, halfbreed kapre.

With a dead tooth and no place with us!

We house fallen warriors.

And if you're going to resume your Valkyrie ways, do it right.

Like Stacey.

Brave girl, you're back.

And back on complex carbs, I see.

I brought you rainer, I paid my debt.

It's going to take alot more than that to make amends with your sisters.

You made too many deals, Tamsin.

Deals with the wrong people.

It's my fault.

I wanted to live longer, I get that.

But after everything... here I am.

Standing with you.

Mistress, mother of Valkyries.

I know it's against our code, but I must talk to you about a liberation.

I'm far more interested in a different kind of release.

Tell me about these souls.

Fae.

And a human.

But it's not their time.

Using Valhalla as your personal holding pen is a faux-pas.

I have been patient with you for years.

With all your lives.

Now it's your turn...

I'll do anything.

(Phone ringing)

That's for you.

No.

Yes.

Now that you're back, you know what you have to do.

Who you have to be.

I've held him back long enough.

(Phone ringing)

You made a mess, Tamsin.

Clean it up.

(Phone ringing)

Why haven't we ever been on vacation?

Apocalypses?

Love triangles?

It's hard to get away.

(Knocking)

Sometimes I wish our lives were less fraught, more froth.

You know?

Kenzi?

What's wrong?

What is it?

Um...

I ripped this exact photo in half, the only copy.

You guys look so happy.

No.

Bo... that's Hale's chicken scratch on the back, I know it.

What does it say?

"See you soon, little mama."

You think it's actually from him?

No, we need to go.

Uh, Kenz?

That party you're hosting?

It's a wedding.

What?

Whose?

Yours...

To Hale.

No, no, that is not happening.

Kenz.

Don't Kenz me!

You came here to bring me home.

Bo before bro.

Let's go!

What if this is real?

I know you've been telling yourself this place is horrible...

Uh, yeah, because it totally is!

But what if it's not?

Please stop, okay?

If it makes you happy... why does that even matter?

Because you deserve to be happy!

You deserve.

And if this is what your heart wants, if you're happy here...

I would do anything to see him again.

Anything.

To see him smile at me.

To push my face into his back.

He has such a nice back!

The selfish thing for me to do would be to drag you home with me.

But you need to find out.

Um...

Will you stay?

Come to my...

I can't believe I'm saying this... wedding?

You're gonna need a maid of honour.

(Relieved laughter)

Do you think...?

Maybe this is heaven.

(Giggling)

(Phone ringing)

Eyes both brown and blue.

Virtuous, yet lustful.

Heart both strong and gentle.

Neither dark nor light... yet both.

She is yours.

Tboz!

You came!

Oh my God, dude, I totally just got lady groomed for my... oh my God, are you my something old?

I mean, not that you look it. You just are. Fact.

All the lives?

Oh no, you're mad.

Where is Bo?

On a scavenger hunt for something new, something old, something borrowed...

Hello?

Is Valkyrie chick-lit not a thing?

Dude, that means I'm getting married!

Apparently.

To Hale.

Do you think he's really here?

Did one of your sisters bring him?

I said where is Bo?

Why so serieuse, I heard you the first time.

And what did I teach you about personal space?

Seven inch minimum.

Not so breathy.

I need to right my wrong.

Okay, can I get you chamomile?

Rooibos?

Something soothing, they've got all kinds here.

Last time, where is Bo?!

Last time?

Thank Geri Halliwell, I was getting tired of that question.

Do you really think I'm going to let a little human get in the way of my true potential?

Your potential used to be eating a box of vector in one go.

Dude, come on! Cheesies, X-Files, bad hair days...

I practically raised you, remember?

I'm not gonna hurt you...

Just going to squeeze you 'til you pop.

Oh, wow. And, ew.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I was aiming for your boob, please tell me that's your resting Valhalla face.

Angry face, definitely angry face.

The not-florist.

Can I help you?

I'm just looking for something blue.

It's my best friend's wedding.

My favourite wedding movie.

No sh*t, you're a succubus.

Have you seen the groom?

Hale?

I heard he's on his way.

Traffic on the Bifrost can be brutal.

Let's hope he's not late.

Or intercepted.

What did you say?

I like my caveats loud and clear.

Kenzi proved herself a worthy warrior.

Freyja's celebrating her and her love.

It was all perfect.

Was?

Now that you're here snooping around, I'm not so sure anymore.

I have to tell Freyja.

No, no, no, I won't get in the way.

You don't have to worry about me.

I need to see Hale.

You can't see him before the wedding.

He's been fitted, Gianni's even finished the white fedora he requested.

That's him.

This is real.

You're disappointed?

No.

I'm happy for them.

It's just, I might have to say goodbye.

Get Kenzi.

He'll be here soon.

(Phone ringing)

And it's not you I'm worried about, it's him.

(Phone ringing)

(Whimpering)

Tamsin: Let me in.

I know you're in there.

(Funny voice): Cleaning, Kenzi no here.

Tamsin: Oh.

(Funny voice): She come back. One hour.

Tamsin: Okay, I'll be back later.

Okay.

(Sighing)

(Crashing)

This would be so much easier if you would just open the door.

Sao paolo sunset?

How low do you go...

Here's Tammy!

And here's Bo.

Isn't it customary for you to end that sentence with "bitch."

You said it, crazy eyes.

Not me.

Time to deliver you.

Guess what? I'm not a package.

We can do this the easy way or the hard way.

Is there a medium option?

(Yelling)

Hard it is.

(Grunting, laughing)

Get it together, woman.

Let go of me.

You don't get to keep attacking us.

To hurt me is one thing.

But Kenzi?

This is why I didn't want to come here.

Hey. Talk to me.

What did ths place do to you?

It's not what Valhalla did to me.

It's what I do in Valhalla.

I don't want you to see me like this.

One more strike, and you won't ever step foot into our lives again.

I have to go find Kenzi.

Wait.

When you fed off me, and you said I tasted happy... yeah, I know.

You and Dyson.

It's not that.

For the first time in all my lives, I have a family.

This is my last life.

I don't want to live it without you.

(Phone ringing)

It's him.

Hotel perv?

No, the man who hired me.

I thought it was the wanderer.

But it was someone way more powerful.

He wanted me to deliver a woman I didn't think could exist...

But you do.

He wants you, Bo.

(Phone ringing)

He can leave a message.

I have a wedding to get to.

Um, how white is too white?

I love it.

Look,you only get married in an afterlife once.

Might as well do it right.

Yeah.

I'm assuming Tamsin's not coming to axe the cake?

She's in a time-out.

Okay, here.

Something old.

For a warrior.

From a warrior.

Joan of arc gave it to me.

Saw her in the lobby complaining about a burnt smell in her room.

Classic Joan.

Something new, matches from the gift shop.

Something borrowed.

Ran out of time for something blue.

Am I the worst bridesmaid?

No, you're my something blue.

Kenzi, I'm sorry that I couldn't save Hale.

And I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you.

It was my turn to do the saving.

Can you give a girl that?

But how many times have you saved me?

A few?

Since we first met.

You saved me every single day, in ways you could never understand, in ways that I can barely understand.

You just did.

And I want you to be happy, I do.

I know it didn't seem like it from the way I was acting.

But it's true.

No, no, I know, I know.

I don't want to leave you here.

I know, but you have to.

I know.

You're beautiful.

Ready?

To get married dead?

It's what every little girl dreams of!

Let's do this sh*t.

I can't.

I can't do slow-walking.

Can I just run to him?

Wait, stop.

What? Why? We're almost there!

I think.

I need to run ahead and make sure everything's a-ok at the altar.

Maid of honour duty.

You just stay here, okay?

Seriously?

Okay, hurry!

Hale.

I sent him back.

What is this?

You walked into the cinvat, closed the door to hel.

Tamsin brought your soul here, but you had already promised yourself to another after-realm.

You belong to him.

Him who?

My father.

Wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Send Kenzi home.

Take me instead.

Soul for a soul.

I'm the one he wants.

This was his plan along.

He knew that I would come.

Yes.

Stop.

These two souls can't be separated.

Look who just read the rule book.

Bo comes wearing the Helskór and is permitted to take home a soul that is claimed to her.

Kenzi is her claimed human.

Bo, Bo, I'm so sorry.

This is not your fault.

I think it was him.

Hale, I felt him.

He was happy.

Do you want to stay?

No.

It's not my time.

I want to go home with you.

Reclaim me.

Quick...

I'm afraid we don't see a claim here.

Guards.

No.

I claim her.

I claim Kenzi Malikov.

The deal was made before the claim was restored.

Please keep her safe.

Your wish will be fulfilled.

No!

Kenzi will be returned to her body.

Tamsin.

Tam tam.

You tried.

You always did, just like when we were in school together.

But it's not enough.

It's never enough.

Screw you, Stacy.

When will you realize you are not special?

You are just like one of us.

I will never be like you.

Valhalla 101.

What does Freyja hate more than anything, girls?

Unbalanced books.

Stay away from them!

Can't.

With Kenzi gone, we're down a soul.

Time for me to get another.

One close to the succubus' heart.

No!

Good luck.

"I navnet til sjelene brakt frem til Valhalla, la portene apenbarer seg. Avslor. Avslor. Avslor!"

(Screaming)

Bo?

Or Kenzi.

(Clicking)

(Rumbling and creaking)

Upon blessed wings, our legions carry forth a human soul back to her body, as requested by our leader.

And you, wolf, have trespassed upon forbidden territory.

Hey.

Kenzi.

Yeah.

Help.

You want me?

(Grunting)

Here I come.
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