02x12 - Islands in the Stream

[bunniefuu]

I've never had a real relationship, Wade.

I don't know how to do it.

Me neither.

Sometimes, you just got to wing it.

We're gonna drive each other crazy sometimes.

But you got to remember, that's part of what brought us together in the first place.

Well, hello, Doctor.

Brick: Shelby was a midlife crisis.

But she made me feel more alive than I've felt in 13 years.

If you want to be with Shelby, screw it, be with Shelby.

To be honest with you, there is only one girl that I want to have a date with.

How's Tansy?

She's-she's good. Uh... we-we are good.

How about you and Wade?

Heard you made that official.

(both laugh)

Life in BlueBell.

(sighs)

Cured sausage.

Okay.

You left a message on my machine.

Said you wanted cured sausage, yeah?

(laughs)

No, I said I wanted to see that movie, Coeur Sauvage.

It won Best Foreign Film.

With Kristin Scott Thomas and that guy from The Artist.

They go on their honeymoon and then they're sent back accidentally in time to the Warsaw Ghetto.

It's supposed to be really funny.

Yeah, well... enjoy that.

No, but I want to go with you.

Why? What did I do to you?

You made me go to that stupid race.

What race?

The one with the really bad drivers?

No, no, that was a demolition derby.

Oh.

Well, the point is I didn't want to go, but we're a couple now, so I went anyways, 'cause that's what couples do.

Things they hate?

All the time!

You know, it-it could be good for us.

Who knows, you might even find something that you like in life, other than cars and beer.

You really think I'm that shallow?

I'm sorry-- and naked women.

Thank you. Come on.

(Zoe laughs)

Speaking of naked women...

Oh...

Yeah...

Now what?

(sighs)

Oh! Oh! Sorry.

Lemon!

Blame my father.

He stood me up twice in one week.

Well, what if I had been old Mrs. Hodge that you barreled into out here?

They'd be finding pieces of her for weeks!

Oh.

Ooh.

Pardon me.

Go this way...

Hmm.

(laughs)

(sighing): Yeah...

You know, there are many wonders in this world, but its greatest mystery might just be the, uh, the Butter Stick Bakery's stunning and impenetrable Gates of the Two Sirens.

(chuckles)

Impenetrable?

We'll see about that.

AnnaBena!

Hmm? Where are you going?

Crickett, I have never told you this, but in my soul, I have always believed that I would meet a dashing English gentleman right out of a Jane Austen novel.

(laughs) In BlueBell?

Mm-hmm.

Good luck with that.

(giggles)

Well, I can't wait to see you tonight.

(chuckles)

I'll wait at Candlewood Suites out on Royal, and I'll call your house at 8:00 sharp and say that I'm a tourist who had a bad clam, and I need to see a doctor right away.

Oh, no, no.

We already used that one.

Magnolia'll remember.

Oh. Then I'll be a church choir chaperone who got the skin on the back of her knee caught in the zipper of a four-man tent flap.

(laughs) Oh, you are so creative.

No, that really happened.

Oh.

Shelby, I don't want to sneak around anymore.

I want to tell my girls about us.

Oh, yay!

(laughs) Really?

Are you ready?

Certainly.

I will tell them tomorrow night.

At dinner.

Someplace crowded, and I'll have the knives taken off the table so Lemon won't s*ab me in the heart.

Oh, Lemon'll be fine.

She is a grown woman with her own life and concerns, not some fragile nut-job to quake in fear of.

Lemon: Daddy!

Aah! You left me sitting at the Butter Stick Bakery, to be ogled by Cody Strong like I was the last piece of bacon on his plate!

Oh, lunch. I am so sorry.

If it helps, you could probably stand to skip lunch anyway.

(gasps)

We all could.

Dr. Oz says it's the least important meal.

Better to have a snack.

Like hummus.

I'm sorry... why is she here?

Oh. She is, um...

The receptionist.

(laughs)

(laughs) Yes.

That's right.

And... why don't you and I go get that lunch?

(chuckles)

I'll just... hold down the fort.

Daddy, what are you thinking of, hiring her?

You can't listen to a nitwit like that all day.

You'll go insane.

Yeah.

Oh!

There he is!

Oh. Oh.

(chuckles)

Got yourself a boat!

Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?

Oh, well, we had some business in Mobile tomorrow, so we popped by to see how you are, and imagine our shock when Lemon answered your door.

Said you were on your boat.

Huh.

Harold: A boat.

Must mean you've arrived.

Yes.

How often do you get out on her, every weekend?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know-- yeah, on weekends, you know, on weekdays...

I'm pretty much on it every day.

Good Lord, he lives on a boat.

What happened, son?

Did you lose your practice?

Harold, give him a job.

No I don't-- guys, I'm fine, okay? I don't need a-- I have a job, okay?

George, you're out of-- oh.

Hi.

Mom, Dad, this is Tansy.

(Clora chuckles)

Did she come with your boat?

George: No.

Oh.

No, she has her own trailer.

Your houses both move.

(chuckles) Neat.

Just like circus folk.

(laughs) It's also where I cut hair.

Oh, hey.

How'd it go with Lemon?

Uh, good, good.

Real good.

Ah, she hates me, I knew it.

No... N-No, I just think she needs a chance to warm up to you, to appreciate you like I do, before I tell her.

Yes.

I'll get her to love me.

I'm real good at that.

People almost never love me at first, and then they just... give in.

(chuckles)

(phone rings)

(phone continues ringing)

(clears throat)

Are you kidding me?

You told her you were the receptionist.

Just say my name first.

Brick-- uh, Breeland and Hart doctor office.

So, Tansy, are you pregnant, is that it?

Is that what?

Mom.

Well, how did you two meet?

W-Was it a dating service, you know, because I've heard those computers can be comically inaccurate.

(laughs) Okay, Mom.

Your-your interest in our relationship is highly appreciated, but I'm sure there's other topics we can pursue tonight, so cut it out.

George, you can't keep your mother from saying what she wants.

But, we found a theater in Birmingham that serves alcohol.

I've found that helps.

Okay.

Zoe: George?

Harold: Dr. Hart!

What a nice surprise.

Hi.

Hey.

Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Tucker.

Tansy, you're going to see this movie?

Mm-hmm. You?

Yeah.

Apparently you're not a couple unless someone's in pain.

(both laugh)

Zoe: I didn't know you wanted to see this.

Heck, yeah.

I've been interested in it for weeks. I-I...

It's got that guy from The Artist... Artist!

I know, I love that guy!

Clora: You know, if, um, Wade and Tansy don't want to see this movie, we passed a theater that's showing The Hangover 4, and I think they brought back that delightful monkey.

WADE (laughs): Well...

(clears throat)

I'm-I'm good.

Yeah, no, I-I'm good.

George: Oh. Okay.

All right. Uh...

Should we get tickets?

Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

Dad, you want to tell me more about that theater with all the alcohol?

Oh, it's wonderful, it really is.

I bet it is.

♪

Hey, Wally? Hmm?

Who's that guy over there with AnnaBeth?

He looks familiar.

Aw, some English fellow.

Supposed to be here with the oil company cleanup.

I think I met him somewhere before.

Well, first time in BlueBell, but I hear he's lived all over-- Rome, Paris.

Maybe he played football.

Oh, don't you start that, too.

Now, it's called soccer, and I still say it's not gonna catch on here.

(AnnaBeth laughs)

Oliver: Did I tell you already how beautiful you're looking?

You did.

Oh.

(laughs) You look fantastic.

Annabeth: Thank you.

I was about to die in there.

Yeah, it would have better with a monkey in it.

Couldn't hear my snoring, could you?

Nah, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper myself.

(both laugh)

No, I thought it was brilliant.

I just, I-- you know, I read somewhere that half the audience walked out when it premiered at Cannes.

Oh, my God, I would love to walk out of this movie in Cannes.

Yeah, I would too.

(laughs)

Uh, but the best part was that girl, um, from that...

Oh, my God, from that other movie!

Yes! It was the best she's ever...

You see that?

Mm-hmm.

That is who George should be with.

Just look at them.

Clora, let George be.

I'd like to visit him one time without involving ourselves in some grand Jacobean drama.

No, the reason I couldn't stand Lemon Breeland was because she was gonna keep him in that backwater town for the rest of his life.

And that Tansy, ugh, she's even worse.

But he likes Tansy, and frankly, so do I.

Oh, I know you do.

Especially when she's wearing nothing but a towel.

But Dr. Hart?

You know, she can get him out of BlueBell, and back to the life he's meant for.

As is God's plan.

You may be mixing up you and God again.

As long as we get results, I'm happy to share the credit.

(chuckles) No.

That-that's the one.

Really?

That-- yes, that is.

I don't think that's right.

(car horn honks)

Wade: You said what?

That we would go to dinner with George and Tansy tonight.

W... How drunk were you?

I wasn't.

You were at the bar with Tansy trying to throw popcorn into the brim of that passed-out farmer's hat, when George said, you know, everyone's having a good time, we should do it again tomorrow night.

Without his parents.

Yeah, and without us.

Why not? It's okay to go out with other couples.

You know, that's why a lot of tables come with four chairs.

Look, Zoe, if I wanted to date Tansy, I'd still be married to her, and if I wanted to date George Tucker, I could date you, which, oops, I already am.

Lavon: Wade.

You got any old yearbooks?

Me? Oh, yeah, I use 'em to press my prom flowers, Lavon.

I know I've seen that English guy that AnnaBeth is sweet on.

Somewhere in these boxes, I'm gonna find out where.

So you don't want to double-date. Okay, I'm sorry for wanting to improve our lives.

But it's already too late to cancel.

What would I even say?

Say no, that's what.

Tansy, it's one night out.

With my ex-husband and Zoe Hart, who I just don't find that much fun, and... when you're with her, I'm sorry, but neither are you.

Yes, I am. I'm fun.

(chuckles) I already went out with your parents, and it's as much forced smiling as my face can take for now.

Okay, fine. I understand.

I understand.

I'll just tell Zoe you said no.

Oh, no, you will not!

Oh, no, you will not tell Tucker I don't want to go.

But you don't.

Yeah, but he'll think I'm jealous or whatever, okay?

It's a very delicate situation, so just... you know, make something up.

(sighs)

Lavon: Ah.

Found it. Got you.

Found what?

I don't know.

Sometimes it's like he's in his own little world.

(birds chirping)

Magnolia, what is it?

I got your text.

What's the emergency?

This.

No.

And I am glad that you called me because that is not appropriate for you and over my dead body will you be wearing that.

Lemon, I found it in the couch.

Do you even know what this means?

Oh, my God, Daddy's seeing someone.

(sighs)

Oh, good. I thought...

I thought it was his.

(scoffs)

(footsteps approach)

Morning.

Oh, hi!

Hey, uh, listen, a-about tonight...

Yeah, I was just about to call you.

I forgot I have this thing.

Something came up.

On TV.

A phone call.

It's this movie.

My mom's supposed to call.

It's called Kangaroo Jack and...

She's been drinking a lot...

(both speaking rapidly, at once)

...so, some other night, though! Absolutely!

Good luck with your mom! Enjoy your movie!

Annabeth: ...and he is so handsome.

And that accent--

I could hear him read the label off a soup can.

(giggles) Oh...

And his name could not be any more British.

(British accent): Oliver.

Lemon?

A lover.

I know.

No.

Ol-i-ver.

A lover.

My father has a lover.

AnnaBeth, do you not hear a word that I say?

Yes. And I told you I think it's great.

And that I'm sure there's a reason he doesn't want you to know.

AnnaBeth, I have an obligation to know.

After Emily, he's vulnerable, and he could fall prey to any number of gold-digging trollops.

Lemon!

Sorry to interrupt.

I accidentally ordered an extra puff pastry, and I wanted you to have it.

Mm.

This is Shelby, my daddy's receptionist.

For now.

Hi, yes.

And seeing as how we're both in your father's life, in certain ways-- very different ways--

I was thinking that maybe that we could get to know each other over dinner tonight.

(chuckles) Oh.

Well, I don't see how that could...

...how that could hurt at all.

In fact, I think it's a wonderful idea!

(chuckles)

Uh-oh.

It is?

Run.

My father has always treated his employees like members of the family.

Well, I guess that makes us like sisters then.

Exactly! So how 'bout us sisters find out what bimbo my daddy is sleeping with, hmm?

Told you.

Howdy.

How you doing?

Mayor Lavon Hayes.

Oh, I'm Oliver Kent.

Pleasure to meet you.

Actually, I think we've already met.

Have we indeed?

Yes, by Jove, we have.

Indeed.

At a bachelor weekend in Louisiana a few years ago.

Yeah. You were our Southern-born, backwoods-bred, tobacco-chewin', catfish-guttin' river guide.

(chuckles)

Indeed I was.

Righto. Well, well done.

Yeah, well... so you can drop the fake accent, tell me what you're trying to pull here.

I'm not trying to pull anything, I'm afraid.

The accent is all too real and... sadly, it's... beyond my control.

Wade: I just don't understand why we had to come all the way out here.

I mean, the prices are all jacked up.

I could mix better drinks than these from the backwash from these glasses. No offense.

Because I didn't want us to run into George and Tansy in town after that lie you made me tell.

Oh, I didn't make up the lie, all right? It was...

My mom was too drunk to talk!

Kangaroo Jack was way too scary for Tansy.

Uh, well, you can stop now.

Okay!

(chuckles)

Okay, well, first of all, oops.

Am I right?

Uh, you know, we can go somewhere else...

No, guys, guys, come on.

Don't-don't be silly.

All right? W-We're all here, you got me? We might as well just, you know, sit...

We're in a fight!

We are in a... fight.

George: Things got ugly.

Things were said on both sides.

Both sides?

Oh, my God, George Tucker, can't you for once just say you're sorry?!

I guess we'll take this table.

We're good here.

Wade: So, yeah...

Zoe: Mm-hmm.

Yeah...

(quietly): You're... really good at that.

Thank you.

It's a little scary.

Can be.

♪

"Foreign Accent Syndrome"?

No, man, that's not a thing.

It's hard to believe, I know, but you can look it up.

Oh, I will.

Oh, if-if you go online, um, find the guy in Wisconsin who woke up out of a coma and started talking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It's-it's hilarious.

Wait, were you in a coma?

No, no, I just... hit my head on my boat, started having terrible migraines, and then... one day, this was how I spoke.

Huh.

"Foreign Accent Syndrome."

It's rare, but it's well-documented.

It's even treatable with migraine dr*gs.

So why didn't the dr*gs work?

(sighs)

I didn't take them.

Why not?

With this accent, my life improved immediately.

People who met me for the first time, they suddenly found me... sophisticated, witty, educated.

And, uh, well, the ladies... the, uh, ladies do love a good accent, don't they?

(chuckles) Yeah.

But you're lying to people.

No. No, I'm not.

I-I say I'm from Birmingham, people just... assume England, not Alabama.

I say I've lived in... Paris and Rome, and... they just happen to be in...

Texas and Georgia.

And the oil company cleanup job?

Scrubbing the wings of pelicans.

Man.

I mean, it all seems so hard.

No, not really.

I mean, it smells a bit, and they bite.

Not the pelicans, man.

The secret.

Oh, right. Yeah.

And it's not fair to other people.

I-I'm the mayor of this town, and I'm...

I-I worry about people here getting attached to you, you know, under false pretenses.

Getting hurt.

Is there someone here you might get attached to?

Possibly.

Then I'm gonna have to ask you to tell that person the truth.

Oh, hey!

How did it go with Lemon?

Mm! Well, the good news is she loves me.

The bad news is she hates the bimbo you're sleeping with. - Oh, my.

And she wants me to help her find out who it is.

We're having dinner in a half an hour to talk.

Oh, no, no, no.

Cancel that. Cancel that.

Tomorrow, I will... I will just tell both girls, but until then, you lay low.

Avoid Lemon. Uh... tell her... tell her y-you're working late tonight.

Good idea.

Then you still want to meet later at the Candlewood?

Well, actually, I was really hoping that you would work late.

'Cause we haven't had a receptionist, and there's a ton to catch up on.

(weak laugh)

Call me?

Sitting ten feet away from them and pretending that they don't exist, that's less awkward than just going out with them?

By far, yeah.

No, don't you see? We both lie, and we both pick the same place to cover our lies.

We're very compatible.

Tansy: I mean it, George Tucker, don't you tell me what to do!

George (quietly): I think we can make up now.

Sorry. When I pick a road, I commit.

(phone chimes)

I can tell.

Sorry, it's my... it's my mom.

(phone rings)

George: "Looking for "Dr. Hart. Not to worry, "your father just having tiny chest pains.

On your boat if you find her."

George? Is that my mom?

Yeah. I-I mean, I'm sure it's nothing, but I should check it out.

George: Yeah, no, I-I'm going, too.

I-I'll go with you.

Baby, I-I don't know if this is the right situation.

My mom's gonna be...really tense.

And... now's not the time, you're right.

I'm sorry. But I-I I'll be right back, I promise. Okay?

Okay.

All right.

(sighs)

You, uh... think he's gonna finish that?

Oh, you poor thing!

Lemon!

Hi. Uh... did you get my message? I...

I'm just, uh, too busy here to go to dinner.

I know. Daddy is such a sl*ve driver, so I brought our dinner here!

You did not have to do that.

Oh, nonsense.

And I can stay all night, if I have to.

I'm not leaving here till I found what I came for.

Let's start with his calendar, shall we?

(panting)

Mom, hey.

Where's Dad? How's he feeling?

Oh, George, I'm sure he's fine.

He's just laying down on your bed for a little bit.

We just stopped over to bring you your boat-warming present.

It's a weather station, and, um, you know, he just started feeling a little faint is all.

Mom, where is he?

(engine whirring)

Are we moving?

Mom, did you trick us into coming?

You two belong together!

I can see it with my own eyes, and until you admit it, or give me a damn good reason why not, no one is getting off this boat!

George: Mom, you're gonna flood it.

(engine sputtering)

Maybe even then.

Well, it is completely flooded.

Which is great, 'cause we get to sit here and wait for it to dry out while we float on out to sea.

More time to chat.

Mom, there is nothing to chat about, okay?

Who we choose to be with is none of your business.

When you have children, their happiness is your only business.

Well, I'm perfectly happy.

Then just tell me why you two aren't together.

As your mother, I deserve that much, and then I will never speak of it again.

Okay. Fine.

Zoe, you've made a number of speeches on the subject.

Maybe you can summarize.

Oh. Okay.

When George was marrying Lemon, I definitely wanted to be with him, but couldn't, so, on his wedding day, I accidently had sex with Wade, but then George was available, but I didn't want to be his rebound.

I mean, 15 years, right?

So I told him to date other women while I got close with Wade, totally casually.

Even though I still wanted to be with George someday, I knew that he was waiting around for me, so I told him to date someone seriously so he could break up with them.

But then Wade realized that I was just waiting for George, so I decided to give it a real sh*t with Wade.

I even went to a Taylor Swift concert so I could get his basket of crackers.

Oh, and then George wound up hooking up with Wade's ex-wife.

I'm sorry.

What was the question?

Made more sense at the time.

Foreign Accent Syndrome.

Right. So, not British.

Not a subject of the crown, as they say.

A right Colonial, I am...

Yeah, okay. Stop.

You still have migraines?

Oh, yes.

They're awful, sometimes.

Then that's crazy!

You need to see a doctor and get the medicine.

Yeah, I wish it were that simple.

Are you embarrassed what people might think?

Because I've been going to Dr. Breeland since I was a baby.

I know he'll keep this quiet.

And if the accent goes away?

What, you think people won't like you anymore?

I will.

Anyone who likes you now will like you as a colonial.

(laughs)

I think you might be underestimating its power.

And you're underestimating you.

The accent didn't change you.

It just gave you the confidence to be the person you already were.

But your name is Oliver, right?

Because that's a deal breaker.

(laughs) Yeah.

(laughs)

Very interesting, don't you think?

Look, I think you're getting worked up, all right?

I didn't want this double date, you didn't want it.

(phone ringing)

And now, they're off together.

And you and I are sitting here.

Hmm?

Okay, okay, here's the doc now.

"Sorry.

Hope to be back soon.

George's mom kidnapped us on his boat."

See? An explanation.

Yeah, the explanation is that I'm not good enough for her little boy, and she wants him with Zoe Hart!

Well, we'll see about that!

Whoa, whoa, Tansy, sit down, okay?

This is my life we're talking about!

When does my voice get heard?

Oh, your voice is getting heard by plenty of people right now.

Look, I'm telling you from experience, all right?

You can't freak out at every twist and turn of the Zoe Hart-George Tucker fun house ride.

Just like I know she's with me, not him... you got to have a little trust.

Well, I don't trust so well.

And thank you, by the way, for your contribution to that.

But I am gonna go and fight for what I want, and if you just want to sit here and have life happen to you, well, do what you want.

(sighs)

Nope, I need a ride. Come on.

Well, I...

Come on!

We can't give up.

We have to find out who he's seeing.

Last thing Daddy needs is some trashy strumpet using his fragile heart as a way to his money.

Now, what makes you think that this person is trashy?

Well, this cheap hooker bra she left at my house for starters.

Oh...! Oh, I don't know.

I bet whoever it is has taste, and wants it back 'cause it's so expensive.

I should use it like Cinderella's glass slipper.

Going around town seeing who it fits.

(laughter)

Oh, God!

Maybe you're selling your father short.

How do you mean?

Well, this woman may be great for him.

She may be young and full of life.

Delightful, even.

Like, someone you would never imagine in your wildest dreams.

(phone ringing)

Someone calling here this late?

Doctors' office.

Uh, n-no, he's not.

Can I take...?

Well, at home, I would imagine.

I can call.

Oh, you-you got his number. Good.

Well, if you can't reach him, who can I say was calling?

AnnaBeth... Nass.

Thank you.

AnnaBeth's calling my dad at night?

Uh, she said it was a personal matter.

Shelby, AnnaBeth is young, she's unattached, and she discouraged me from finding the gold-digging trollop, because the gold-digging trollop is her!

My best friend!

So, anything else would seem like a relief, right?

George: Maybe I can try and call Raleigh at the marina, see if he can send someone.

You're ignoring the issue.

Because the only one here with an issue, Mom, is you.

Oh, please.

You both already admit that you're drawn to each other.

No, I said that we had been in the past.

(quietly): Okay, watch it, don't engage.

She married a lawyer, raised two others. She's crafty.

MRS. TUCKER: Okay, fine, you were drawn to each other.

In fact, isn't it true that George left his fiancée at the altar for you?

Objection.

Leading the witness.

And if George had called off his wedding one day sooner, you never would have been with Wade.

You'd have been with George.

Objection.

Calls for speculation.

I told you that the timing was bad.

I'm just trying to understand.

Now, you two wanted to be together, and there's nothing that's keeping you from being together.

Well, just, you know, fate.

MRS. TUCKER: Fate, timing.

Dr. Hart, you're a person of science, yet you've handed over your life to mystical forces.

Objection!

Have not.

So you do have free will!

Yes, okay, I could have chosen George at any point.

Except you no longer have feelings for him.

Huh?

Well, no, I didn't say that.

Well, then, it must be that George no longer has feelings for you.

Objection!

On what grounds?

On the grounds that cut it the hell out, Mom.

Because you know you still do have feelings, and so does she, and I will cut it out if the two of you will just admit it.

Okay, fine! We have feelings for each other!

Are you happy?

I'm not.

How about you, Wade? You happy?

(clears throat) Well, I've been better.

Tansy, how-how did you...?

How what? How did I know I needed to see what was going on here? No. How...?

How did you get to the boat?

LeRoy Calley keeps that canoe tied up, so...

Mm.

See, I knew she was up to no good.

No, listen.

She was just trying to show us we should be together.

She lawyered us!

Okay, I got confused.

I mean, never call me for a witness, boy.

I would not hold up.

That's true.

Mrs. Tucker, George is with me.

Got it?

Exactly what I've been telling her, baby.

I want us to break up.

What?!

Zoe: Tansy, wait, wait.

Okay, yeah, so, George and I had a relationship.

Wait-- no, no-- never, never a relationship.

But feelings, yes.

Does that mean we should be together? No.

You and Wade were married.

I'm sure you still have feelings for each other.

Hmm, not a good example.

Mm.

I don't know.

Okay, look, don't let her win, okay?

This is exactly what my mom wants.

See, the funny thing is, is that she seems to be the only one seeing straight.

Meaning what?

Meaning come on, Wade!

Seriously, what is the plan?

What happens when Zoe gets tired of playing Sweet Home Alabama and goes back to New York?

What?

Wade: Tansy, I don't know.

All right?

I don't need to know the future.

Because part of you knows there is no future being Mr. Dr. Hart, the bartending house-husband.

Exactly! And George, do you really see Tansy being the mother of your children?

Mom...

Well, what is that supposed to mean?

Mom, stop it.

Okay? Nobody's getting married here.

Never? So, what, was I a way to k*ll the time?

No! Of course not.

She just...

She has us having kids!

Oh, which is such a crazy idea, right?

Forget it. I don't need this.

I was trying to have less drama in my life, not more.

If I wanted more, I would be with Todd Gainey Jr. and his nest of girlfriends!

Wait, Tansy...

Tansy, wait.

Tansy...

Well, hey, don't take the canoe!

George: You can go ahead and stop all that smiling, Mom, 'cause you're not gonna like the way this ends.

And you know what, Mom, seriously-- get another hobby.

I'm not planning on going back to New York anytime soon.

Did I ask? No.

(crickets chirping)

AnnaBeth.

Hi.

Now, I just gave Oliver an injection of Sumatriptan for his migraines.

Now, it goes to work in a couple of minutes, but he's lying down for now.

And his... accent?

Well, we don't know yet, but whatever happens, the most important thing is that I will finally have an article in the Alabama Medical Review.

(laughs)

See how you like Foreign Accent Syndrome, Dr. O'Malley, and your six-fingered twins.

Brick, I can't thank you enough for helping him.

Oh... well, you're welcome.

(Brick chuckles)

Lemon: Unbelievable!

Well, Lemon, what...?

Sneaking around like this!

How dare you!

We had to.

He didn't want anyone to know about his condition.

What condition?

Well, I can't tell you.

But, uh, you know, with some luck, you'll be able to read about it soon.

I don't want to read about it; I want to know how you justify sleeping with a girl half your age!

Half my... Oh.

Look-look, I never meant for that to happen, but just sometimes you develop feelings for a person, and...

Not my best friend!

She's your best friend?

Well, yes! Well, that is great! When did that happen?

(gasps)

Oh, my Lord.

She means me.

She what?

Oh, my Lord!

Lemon, this is insane!

On top of the fact that I told you, I met this guy.

Yes, your "British fellow."

Except there are no British men in BlueBell.

Do you think that I'm stupid?

There are so.

Where?

There he is right now.

(Southern accent): Hello. I'm Oliver Kent.

Very pleased to meet you.

(exhales)

Well, he was British.

(stammering): L-Lemon, just stop all this.

It is not AnnaBeth that I'm seeing.

It is...

Shelby.

Oh, my Lord.

And... I was just about to tell you...

No.

No. Shelby. Of course.

(anxious laugh) Well...

I should be leaving now.

And, AnnaBeth, I am... so sorry.

(clears throat) Daddy, please give your girlfriend back her underwear.

And, Mr. Kent, it was... lovely to meet you.

Well, she seemed very nice.

How about these miracle dr*gs, huh?

M-My headache is gone.

I can't tell about the accent.

I'm still getting used to it, so...

I'm gonna have to take your word for it.

What do you say?

Still sexy?

Oh, yes!

Mm! You bet!

Good work!

(chuckles)

Brick: Okay.

(cooing quietly)

Okay, you are... not wrong about what you said in there.

I hate that expression.

It's lawyer talk.

"You're not wrong" means neither are you.

(chuckling)

Fair enough, fair enough.

Okay, how about this?

The truth is, yes, there is a chance that there might always be some type of... connection... between Zoe Hart and me.

But my mom was absolutely right.

If we wanted to be together, we could be.

I'm not, because...

I don't want to be.

I want to be with you.

Because I'm happy.

And you know what? If I never end up with Zoe Hart...

I'm realizing that would be completely fine.

(both laugh)

Zoe: Wow.

Zoe, I...

No, it's... it's okay.

I meant, wow... me, too.

You know, I guess...

I just always thought, in the back of my mind, that I'd end up with George.

You know, that was the plan.

But as shocking as it sounds, I'm actually really happy with Wade.

Wade: I can hear you!

(laughs)

(laughs softly)

Yeah.

I-I guess I always just kind of... saw us circling back towards each other at some point, you know?

But...

Yeah.

But maybe we're just not in the same orbit anymore.

We're headed for different planets.

Which is okay.

Well, then you're in luck, because...

Wade Kinsella is definitely on a different planet.

Wade: Yup, I can still hear you!

(laughs)

Well, all right, then.

I better go break the news to Mom.

She's gonna take it really hard.

(laughs)

(shouts): How about us? We good?

Wade: Yup.

Just checking.

(birds chirping)

So when's the wedding?

Shut up, Harold.

Uh, just one.

Let me clear a table for you.

Morning, A.B.

Hi.

Heh. So, uh, um, how is your friend, uh...

Oliver, is it?

Odd you should ask.

Seems you ran into him last night.

Well, i-it's... you know, it's hard to say.

I meet a lot of people in my line of work.

Well, he told me this funny story about that accent of his, and then Brick gave him some medicine, and bang, no more accent.

Huh. So a happy ending.

Mm. Then he left me this message this morning.

OLIVER (British accent): AnnaBeth, I just wanted to say it was lovely to meet you, and I do hope we can meet again someday, but I must be moving on.

To somewhere that they don't know me, I think.

At least not as anything but jolly Oliver Kent from "merrie olde England."

Thank you, though.

Now... pip-pip, cheerio.

Bye, then, love.

So what, the medicine wore off?

Nope. Now he's faking it.

What for?

Because he could see it in my eyes.

I told him I'd feel the same, but... he saw in my face the second he started to talk and... he was... just like everyone else.

Hm.

Am I a terrible person, Lavon?

What? No, of course not.

I am so shallow.

No! Now, AnnaBeth Nass, you are a good person.

Now, you just tried to help the guy.

He doesn't know himself, is all.

A lot of that going around.

But thanks for looking out for me.

Ah. Me, I think you're better off.

Having to learn all those English way of saying things...

Lift.

Petrol.

Quidditch.

(chuckles)

Who needs it?

(laughs)

No, you're right.

AnnaBeth?

Come on, I'll buy you a coffee.

Okay.

♪

(sighs) There they are.

Ready for lunch?

Brick: We are.

We are.

And, sweetheart, I am so tickled that you came around to this so quickly.

To have this out in the open!

Aw...

The two of you with me just means the world.

Oh, Daddy, all I ever want is for you to be happy.

I'm sorry to both of you that I was such a pill about it. - Oh. Well, come on, let's go!

(laughs)

Uh, Lemon... me, too.

I am so really, really sorry that I had to deceive you like that.

But I just think that we are gonna become the very best of friends.

(laughs)

Yes, well, about that...

I don't know what your game is, but don't get too comfortable, because I'm gonna have you out of here and back into the Panhandle within a week.

Let's eat.

(sighs)

♪

Hey, Wally, how much you figure a bartender makes in New York City?

More than here, if that's what you're getting at.

But a bartender in New York City also lives in New Jersey.

Now, you ain't gonna catch me in New Jersey.

I went to Newark one time, saw a man wearing his pants like a hat.

You can have it.

Hey.

Oh. Hey.

Uh, I'm just wrapping up here.

You want to grab a bite to eat?

Yes. I will get us a table.

All right.

(clears throat)

Oh.

(laughs) Hi.

Hi.

Hey. Um...

You know, we could just...

Hey, look, look, it's a small town and it is what it is, so if we're all gonna be in the same boat, well, we might as well be rowing in the same direction.

All right.

Well, all right, then.

Menus.

Tucker.

(sighs) (clears throat)

Hmm...

I read that, uh, Book of Mormon is coming to Birmingham next month.

Maybe we all could go.

Really?

That actually sounds great...

No.

Not a chance.

Right.

Uh, we're good.

Yeah, whatever.

(laughter)

♪