02x20 - If Tomorrow Never Comes

[bunniefuu]

Wade Kinsella and Lemon Breeland owning a business together?

Who cares that everybody thinks we're gonna crash and burn, right?

Us working together was obviously a mistake.

You have been blowing me off for a week.

I've barely seen you since the hospital.

What's going on with you two? There's just something I have to tell her, and I don't know how she's gonna take it.

I love you.

There is nothing that I can't take.

George has moved on.

So what if he's amazing?

I won't let myself like him.

Why don't you just come live with me on my houseboat?

I would love that.

Zoe: You guys are living together.

Big congrats.

DASH (on computer): BlueBell's most unlikely twosome, George Tucker and Tansy Truitt, seem to be playing house.

Or should I say playing houseboat?

Your fearless Blawker caught them moving her stuff into his vessel as they set sail on the sea of cohabitation.

Bon voyage.

(gagging)

(grunting)

(gags)

(coughing)

(gasping)

Lavon: Okay, a... five-letter word for calling in sick.

Starts with a "H."

Mmm, "hooky".

As in "playing hooky"?

Yep. Uh, th-that's a sign right there.

Even the-the crossword puzzle's telling us to stay in today.

It does not say that. Let me see.

No, wait, I didn't fill it in yet.

Hold on.

In case anyone is interested, I just almost d*ed.

You ran out of conditioner again?

I keep telling you, buy it in bulk.

Annabeth: Lavon.

Seriously, you okay?

I almost choked on a donut bite.

I couldn't breathe.

That happened to Lavon the other day-- he choked on a walnut, and I had to give him a little pat on the back.

Yeah.

Exactly.

You were here to give him a pat on the back.

I had to Heimlich myself.

I ju... I just saw my future, and if an asteroid landed on us right now, I would be the only one in this house to... to die alone.

The odds of that happening are teeny-tiny.

Yeah, it's true-- I saw a special about NASA.

They got satellites up there looking.

That is not the point.

I almost choked on a donut bite by myself.

I hereby call to order the owners' breakfast meeting.

Uh, excuse me, Wade, Lemon?

Before you start your meeting, Shanetta and I were wondering is this owners' meeting gonna be like the others in that there will be...

Is there gonna be yelling?

You two chuckleheads caterwauling at each other is giving Wanda anxiety.

Rest assured, there will be no caterwauling today.

Lemon: That is right.

Today's meeting is celebratory.

As the new owners of the Rammer Jammer, we have turned our first profit.

(whoops) Good news.

Well, enjoy your meeting.

Hmm. All right, jumping into new business.

Yes.

I'm happy to announce that I've taken the initiative to reinvest the Rammer Jammer's profits in...

I'm sorry, you what?

Drumroll, please.

A bran-new flat-screen TV for that corner over there.

You are welcome.

Why the hell would you do that?

Well, since the days of the caveman, live sporting events have drawn paying customers to local watering holes such as this one.

Yes, the operative word being "cavemen."

We are turning the Rammer Jammer into the sports bar of our dreams, Lemon.

(laughing): How great is that?

Try not great at all.

It just so happens that I invested that very same profit into an antique parlor set for the new salon area of the Rammer Jammer.

We... we don't have a salon area, Lemon.

That is why I bought a parlor set, Wade.

Wade: You bought that?

As in we are now the proud owners of the world's most uncomfortable couch?

(gasps) That is a settee.

Well, in that case.

And it is the first step towards elevating the Rammer Jammer to a destination spot for Belles and book clubs and wine tasting groups and knitting cabals.

That is the worst idea I have ever heard.

I can't believe you'd spend our money on some crap like that without telling me first.

How can you not believe it when you went ahead and did the exact same thing?

(pop)

Brick, hello?

You would not believe what...

We could run some blood if...

Yeah, but what's the point?

Are you kidding-- what is he doing here?

Dr. Hart, did you not see that note?

Yeah, "Do not disturb"?

What am I, housekeeping?

You remember my nephew Jonah? Jonah who's supposed to be in New York?

Brick, how about I take the file and peruse it at the bakery over a sweet tea?

I'll let you two catch up.

Yeah.

What file? Is that one of my patients?

Always a pleasure, Zoe.

I cannot believe that you are behind closed doors discussing our patients with Jonah.

As senior partner at this practice, it is my prerogative to consult with other physicians.

You have a physician right here.

In house.

I cannot believe you are still trying to muscle me out of this practice.

No one is trying to...

I almost d*ed this morning.

Choking on a donut.

And then I realized I am totally alone and all I have in life is my work and you're trying to take that away now, too?

Knock, knock, am I interrupting?

Yes!

Not at all.

I am desperate need of a doctor.

I'm having a medical emergency in my tummy and I need an immediate transfusion of lunch.

Adorable.

You mind if I handle this one, Doctor?

We are not through here.

We are not through here.

And I'm back.

I got some of that all-natural cereal you like with the nuts and the grains and the... little bits of rope in it-- I... just got to find a place to put it down.

Um, sorry, my stuff seems to be multiplying.

I tried to confine it to one corner, but...

Listen, Tans...

So, we can't get to the steering wheel.

So what? We just won't go anywhere for a while, okay?

It's just temporary until Tom and Wanda's bees are out of my trailer.

I know, I know, and, baby?

Listen, you can stay as long as you like.

It's not awful having me live here?

It doesn't scare you?

No, nothing scares me.

(George yells) (Tansy shrieks)

Tansy: I don't believe it!

Give me a hug.

I don't believe it.

(laughing, clamoring)

(whoops)

Hey, so y'all know each other.

What are you guys doing here?

We heard you moved in with your new beau, and we figured it was fate telling us we ought to meet him.

George, meet my brothers-- Rudy, Rocket and the scruffy one's Chicken.

Oh, uh, well, it is a...

Oh, come on over here.

Okay, we are doing this.

(laughs)

Hey, don't you worry, bro.

You'll barely know we're here.

What? Where you want to put our stuff?

Come here, you prickly porcupine.

Fancy Tansy.

Oh, didn't think you'd still be here.

What, you think I'm gonna storm out of here in a huff just because Brick would rather fly you in than consult with his partner, who singlehandedly has kept this office going the past couple weeks?

Okay, good, so we, uh, we cleared that up.

I'm just gonna return this to Brick's.

Ooh...

Uh, what patient is it that Brick doesn't trust me with?

I wouldn't know.

Your holding the patient's file.

Well, doctor/patient confidentiality, so...

Well... the odd's are I am probably that patient's doctor, so who is it?

Trust me, you're not gonna want to see this.

You're gonna feel like a jackass.

Just hand it...

Will you hand it over?

I'm telling you, you're gonna feel...

(grunts) Ow, come...

(groans) What were you-- Israeli army?

What the hell?

Brick?

Brick has a pituitary tumor?

He had an MRI a couple weeks ago.

He said it was negative.

He told everybody he was fine.

He lied.

He's going in for surgery tomorrow.

Well, you were right.

I do feel like a jackass.

Zoe, really, it's okay.

No, it's not.

I was not my best self yesterday.

Where was I?

Uh, you were terribly sorry you blew up at me and you managed to make my illness all about you.

Right.

Okay, I guess I was done.

Jonah says that it's a non-secreting growth.

Yes.

I got the good tumor, lucky me.

The only thing I have to worry about is that my surgeon has a steady hand and I don't go blind.

Right, but why didn't you tell me?

Because you are what we here in the southern states refer to as a "blabbermouth."

Fair enough.

But you didn't tell Lemon or Magnolia either.

Oh, the girls have enough to worry about.

Well, this is huge and you need your family around you.

I'm fine-- I've got Jonah and I've got Shelby.

Oh, yeah, right-- Shelby?

Oh, you're serious.

Look, Shelby just doesn't really strike me as the...

The caregiver type-- I know.

But from the second I told her, Shelby, she's been amazing.

I mean, she's been so supportive and...

Oh, a true, true partner.

Dr. Hart?

Are you okay?

(crying): It's just so important to have a true partner in life.

You know, it's just... it's something that I realized yesterday having almost d*ed, choking on a donut.

Uh-huh.

You know I would love to stay here and hear all about this, but your tears are making me profoundly uncomfortable.

Mm-hmm.

(snoring)

(grunts)

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing?

Oh, nothing, just putting away some of your stuff.

Okay.

Um... why?

You got a lot of nice things, breakables, valuables.

Uh, don't want my brothers doing anything to them.

Now, what do you imagine that they would do to my decorative minor league baseball team sh*t glass?

I don't know-- maybe put something in it you don't want in it.

Oh...

I love my brothers to death, but chaos follows them.

You got a look at them like overgrown kids without reason, common sense or commitment to hygiene.

Big infants really.

(men grunting)

Dude, we slept on a boat.

Hey, you should go up on deck to see where we are.

Don't, he's gonna push you over.

(groans) I can't believe I almost fell for that.

So where are we?

Uh, we're docked.

So we... we didn't move.

Seems to me to be a missed opportunity.

Hey, uh, Tans?

You gonna take us to lunch later, or what?

I wish I could, but I've got appointments all day, and...

I'm sure George has to be in court.

Oh, no. No, actually, Judge Perkins is sick, so I-I mean, I could take y'all to lunch.

Solid.

Hey, hey...

Chicken! Wake up!

Wake up!

Buenas noches.

We're gonna have lunch with a lawyer today. (laughs)

Whoa.

Did we sleep on a boat?

Yes, we did.

Hey, um, you should go up on deck and go see where we are.

Chicken: Where?

That's a good idea.

I was giving you an out.

I know.

But they're your family.

And I feel like I should... try to get to know 'em.

All right.

Well... maybe it'll be good for them to have you around, too.

You'll keep 'em out of trouble?

I promise.

Chicken: Whoa, whoa!

(water splashes)

Shelby: Oh, hi, Dr. Hart.

Shelby!

Oh... okay.

How you doing with everything?

Brick told you about the procedure.

Yeah.

He did.

Listen, if you need anything, I want you to call me.

Brick is so lucky to have someone like you in his life right now.

Did you know that?

Sure.

As recent experience has taught me, there is nothing worse than the fear of facing death alone.

Death?

Nobody's facing death.

Brick said that this is a relatively common surgery.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, yeah.

It's common. And safe.

I didn't mean death like...

death death, you know, just... when someone goes under the Kn*fe, you want to prepare for any complications.

And the best way to prepare is having a loved one, like you, by your side.

You're a rock star.

Thank you? Uh...

Crickett: It has come to my attention that calendar protocol is not always being followed.

Henrietta, you might want to take some notes.

I thought that I was done being surprised by Wade, but the man has no vision. None.

Shh.

Crickett's talking calendar protocol.

(scoffs) I did not just say that.

Okay. What happened this time?

Okay, you know that antique parlor set that you helped me pick out?

Mm-hmm.

He said that I have to return it because I didn't run it by him first.

Like you're married, or something?

Right? Hmm. Tell me this: have you returned the parlor set?

No.

Not yet. Why?

Some people are... visual learners.

So if Wade doesn't understand what you're trying to tell him...

Right. I have to show him.

Follow my lead.

Excuse me, Crickett.

I hate to interrupt calendar protocol, but Lemon has an emergency, Code Red.

(gasps) By all means.

Lemon: Okay, Belles, listen up.

As you know, I have recently taken over the management of the Rammer Jammer.

Tonight is our very first big event.

It will be a... wine tasting.

It will be... classy and elegant, and most importantly, well-attended.

That's right.

Which is why we are invoking the emergency phone tree to spread the word, so...

(clicks tongue)

...hop to.

Oh.

Jonah: What did you do?

What?

I just came from the Breelands'.

Shelby left this taped to the front door.

(sighs) "Dearest Brick, "I can't tell you how sorry "I am, which is why "I am writing this note instead.

"I will not be able to take you to the hospital, "and I can't see you anymore.

By the time you read this..."

She left town?

Left town, left him... she's gone.

It's all right there in the letter.

Well, that's awful, but it's not my fault.

No?

Keep reading.

"I was in denial until Zoe Hart...

"opened my eyes "to the risks associated with brain surgery.

I went right to Google..."

Oh, geez.

Yeah. Nice work.

We have to find her and fix this.

(sighs) Stupid Google.

Right. It's Google's fault.

Chicken: Mermaids are real.

100%. 110%.

Rudy: It's true facts.

I've seen two, maybe three.

Hey, George.

Are you catching the talent at the next table?

Huh? Let's invite 'em over.

You can have the blonde.

George: Uh... Rocket...

I'm with your sister.

You... you do know that, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, that... that was a test.

And you passed. (laughing)

Oh, I knew that.

A-plus.

I-I knew... I... oh.

(expl*si*n noise)

Okay. Here's what we're gonna do.

We order two of everything on the menu, wait ten minutes, then ditch.

Oh!

What? No.

Shh, shh. Here he comes, here he comes.

Be cool, act natural.

(clears throat)

Hey, Tucker.

I see you've met the brothers Truitt.

Wade Kinsella.

Screw over anybody's sister lately?

Wade: Well, they do have a long memory.

It's their best feature.

Thank you.

Let me guess: Chicken's been drinking since he woke up, Rocket's been making googly eyes at these gals over here, and, uh, Rudy just wants to order everything on the menu, then ditch.

That is an outrageous accusation.

We want to register a complaint with the owner.

I am the owner, Rudy.

(laughing)

He's the owner?

No, I mean the guy who actually owns this restaurant.

Go get him.

Guys, actually...

No, it's all right, Tucker.

I won't let the Truitt Trio ruin my good mood.

Guess what?

You enjoy your lunch.

All right?

I'll catch you all later.

Rocket, pass out them straws.

Chicken, start making spitballs.

What?

No. No, no... no spit... give me that.

No spitballs.

Guys, look, Wade is a friend.

And I know he's got a history with Tansy, and everything, but the way I see it, if things wouldn't have ended the way they did with the two of them, then I...

I never would've had a chance to date your sister.

Okay?

He's right.

It's true, what Tansy says.

You are one in a million, George Tucker.

I declare you an honorary Truitt.

Let's get plowed!

Yeah!

(laughing)

I have been all over town, and no one has seen her.

Well, Brick's supposed to be at the hospital in less than an hour.

Maybe we just bite the b*llet, and-and we tell him.

Absolutely not.

Brick needs his rock by his side. He said so.

It is my fault that Shelby took off.

I have to get her back here.

Did you do your homework?

Are we really gonna stoop to this?

Mm-hmm.

Here you go.

Shelby's Internet history from the last month.

If I wanted to snoop through people's computers, I would have become a lawyer.

Aha!

"Aha"?

Did you just say "aha"?

"Stow That Stuff""

What? Hmm?

Stow That Stuff. It's the name of the store.

Check out the dates.

Every since Brick's MRI, over half of her retail therapy has been done at the same place.

It's an organizer's paradise.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I-I've been there.

There's one in the outlet mall. So?

So... what if that store is her emotional oasis?

Like, where she goes when she's upset or stressed.

Wow. I am like that guy, Elementary.

You know that his name's not Elementary.

You get Brick to the hospital.

Tell him that Shelby will meet him there, and I will make sure that she does.

It was just another Belles meeting.

Nothing special.

Hmm. I was thinking about dinner.

Uh, how do you feel about the Rammer Jammer?

Oh, my God, it's like you read my mind.

I am dying to go to the Rammer Jammer tonight.

(chuckles)

What's going on?

(sighs) It's Lemon.

She has something awesome planned for the Rammer Jammer tonight, and I think we should go.

Lemon's... throwing something at the Rammer Jammer?

Tonight?

Yeah, it's kind of a surprise.

For Wade.

But she doesn't want him to know until he see it, so... (giggles)

What?

Lavon?

You didn't elect me union rep because of my good looks.

I got an agenda here.

We're gonna go through it, point by point.

First off, did everybody get a hat?

Then she said, "The Rammer Jammer needs a flat-screen like a flounder needs a Ferrari."

I mean, that's crazy talk.

You know, there are live sporting events on TV

24 hours a day.

Sports that aren't gonna watch themselves.

For example, you know, tonight, there's a Mixed Martial Arts World Championship on pay-per-view.

Of course there is.

Now, see, that's the kind of event that would fill a bar.

You return that flat-screen yet?

Not yet. Why?

Well, I'm thinking if she's not going to listen to reason, what she needs is a demonstration.

All right, watch this.

Hey, Sal, sorry to interrupt, man, but, um, my good friend and longtime member of the BlueBell Longshoreman's Union has an announcement to make.

Wade.

Uh...

Now, some of you may know I recently took over the Rammer Jammer...

This is a disaster.

How could you encourage Wade to hold Fight Night at the Rammer Jammer?

You know the type of people that show up to mixed martial arts?

'Cause I do.

Fight Night is a moneymaker.

Wade is right.

You know, BlueBell needs a sports bar, not a-a... wine saloon, with frilly tablecloths and antique sofas.

It is a "salon," not a saloon.

Oh...

And Lemon is just trying to elevate the place, and the people in it.

Well, as someone who's spent more than their fair share at the Rammer Jammer, I didn't realize I needed elevating!

We can't do this.

We cannot have our first fight over those two yahoos.

Okay, we need rules.

Now, for the sake of our relationship, we-we swear to steer clear of... of Wade, Lemon, and the Rammer Jammer for the next 24 hours.

Deal.

Shake on it?

That's one idea.

Wade's a liar!

A lying liar!

The lyingest liar in Liarville.

Okay, guys, let's-let's dial it back just a little bit.

You saying he's not a liar?

He said, "Enjoy your lunch," and then he kicked us out of his bar.

That's a liar.

Okay.

Well, to be fair, you did throw all that stuff at him, okay?

Napkin dispensers, and soup, and all of that Parmesan cheese.

And then you drew on the walls.

It's called modern art.

If I was a artist, people would pay millions for those drawings.

You're not an artist.

You know what rhymes with "liar"?

"Lawyer."

No, actually it doesn't.

Rudy: I got an idea.

Let's find Wade's car and push it in the lake.

I love it!

Rudy: Or... we can pee in his tailpipe.

Pee in the tailpipe! Pee in the tailpipe!

Or-or we could go back to my houseboat and you guys could sleep it off.

Is this how you lawyers handle being wronged?

You go home and you take a nap?

Rudy: We made you an honorary Truitt.

I'm not peeing in his tailpipe!

'Cause you scared?

Or because you don't pee standin' up?

(laughing)

Chicken: It's okay, it's okay.

You can do it from a sittin' position.

I pee like everyone else!

Okay? And I can pee on one leg if I...

You know what? I don't...

I do not need this.

G.T. out.

Wade, you might want to hide your car.

Take that.

Ooh!

A battery-operated battery container? Genius.

Zoe! What are you doing here?

I am bringing you to the hospital.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not going there.

Oop! Wahoo!

Brick needs you.

I saw your note and I'm sorry if I scared you off.

This has nothing to do with you.

I thought I was strong enough to be at Brick's side when he...

(sighs)

But I learned something about myself.

I crumble in the face of sickness, injury and human frailty, and my affection for Brick is just not strong enough to overcome it.

Shelby, with all due respect, I don't care.

All I care about is that you are there when Brick goes into the OR.

So, let's go.

I am not going anywhere with you.

Well, then I guess you're aren't going anywhere.

Because I have your car keys, your wallet, and, hmm, your coupons.

Don't you touch my coupons!

Then don't make me.

You owe this to Brick.

You said you were gonna there for him, and you're gonna be there for him.

You can either follow me out right now or I'm gonna rip up these coupons, and I will.

Ooh.

I'm coming.

I will rip them.

Give me those!

I will rip them.

Give me those coupons!

Sal called.

Shrimp delivery's in.

I was thinking maybe you could head down there, quality-control the shrimp and bring it on back.

Hmm, as I recall, I did the shrimp delivery last week, so that would make it your turn.

Well, as I recall, I inventoried the freezer for you three weeks in a row, plus my car's not here, so, uh, maybe you should take care of that.

(giggles)

It is so nice not to have the burden of you-know-who's disputes hanging over our heads.

Oh, I totally agree.

Hey, let's split up.

I'll get the salad, you get the dessert, meet you at the front.

Okay.

All right.

(phone rings)

Lavon, you would not believe what's going on over here.

I can't get Lemon out of the Rammer Jammer.

I'm running the cable now, but I don't see how I'm supposed to set up the TV.

Okay, listen up now.

You didn't hear this from me, but...

You need to set up immediately.

I am trying, okay?

Crickett has got a van full of parlor furniture, but I can't set up until Wade leaves.

And he is acting really squirrely.

I'll bet he is.

Wait till you hear this.

A wine tasting?!

What the hell is a mixed martial art?!

Just set up the TV.

She can't stop you.

Half that place is yours.

Do not back down.

There you are.

Perfect timing!

Hey, has Brick gone in yet?

No, no, he's still in pre-op.

How did you get her to...?

I'm a persuasive speaker.

Here on Earth, we call it kidnapping.

It's a gray area.

Are you sure about this?

Absolutely. You've seen the studies.

Patients who are going into surgery knowing they have a loved one waiting for them have fewer complications.

Except, as you may recall from my note, I'm no longer his loved one.

Well, he doesn't need to know that.

All he wants to see is your smiling face before he goes under.

So you're gonna march into that room, show him that smile, and be his rock.

Are we clear?

As a tear.

What do you mean, you don't know where they are?

You just left them?

Tansy, they left me no choice, okay?

You were right, your brothers are children.

You can't say that about my family!

What? You-You said it yourself!

I'm allowed to.

They're my family!

And you promised that you'd look out for them! You promised.

Tans... Tansy, hey, baby, where are you going?

Lord knows what kind of trouble they got into.

♪

I don't see what the problem is, Lemon.

Several of your closest and smelliest friends have established residency in my salon area.

And those seats are reserved for the wine club!

Well, If you didn't want our patrons sitting on your brand-new furniture, maybe you should have returned it like I told you to!

Oh, you mean the way that you returned the TV?

Oh, wait, you didn't.

Lemon, the BlueBell Decanters are getting a little antsy.

Yes.

And we were promised a California merlot.

And it is coming.

Why don't you get your group together, and I'll be right with you?

Thank you.

Yeah, that California merlot?

It's on its way back to California.

What?!

Yeah. Well, I thought there must be a mistake with the delivery seeing as how the wine tasting wasn't on the books!

Because it was supposed to be a surprise!

My goodness, I could k*ll you right now and not even lose a wink of sleep!

You know what? Hold that thought.

It's fight time.

(chuckles)

All right, party people, we got a great thing coming.

If y'all would just direct your attention to this beautiful, new flat-screen TV, I present to you Mixed Martial Arts championship!

(cheering)

Yeah, baby! (clears throat)

Uh, hold on one second.

Well, it was working an hour ago. We'll get it again.

Bad news of epic proportions.

The cable's been cut!

Oh, I'm sorry, was that a part of your TV thingy?

See, I was outside earlier, trimming the hedges of our property when I saw this white weed running up the building, so I clipped it.

And then I clipped it again just to be sure.

Wade, where's the fight?

Well, I'm-I'm working on it, Sal.

Work faster. I convinced my bookie to come here.

You don't want an unhappy bookie.

He said if there's no fight to watch, there's gonna be a fight to watch.

I think he meant that...

I get it. Thank you.

This evening is not going at all as planned.

(phone rings)

(clears throat, chuckles)

Hey, Sheriff Bill.

Uh, can you get a message to Tansy?

I sure can.

I got her brothers locked up here.

You wouldn't believe what they were about to do in my tailpipe.

Okay, now remember, big smile, then give him a hug and a kiss and only say nice supportive things.

Honeybear!

Hey, Shelby!

You made it.

I just came to wish you good luck.

Well, now that you're here, I know everything's gonna be just fine.

Oh, looks like it's time to get the show on the road, Brick.

Don't let 'em cut out anything you might need.

I'll be right here waiting for ya.

Okay.

No, just wait-wait-wait!

I need to say something.

Shelby, before I go under, I just, I want you to know how much I love you.

Aw, Brick...

Now I was gonna wait until after the surgery to ask this, but hell, time waits for no man, right?

So, Shelby, sweetheart, I am sorry this is not in a more romantic setting, but...

...will you marry me?

Yes?

(laughs)

Yeah, all right!

Yeah! (laughs) Oh! Okay!

You happy with yourself?

Okay, I'll admit, Brick proposing was an unforeseen bump in the road, but overall, not a big deal.

Really?

Not a big deal? This a big deal to you?

Kind of a big deal.

You didn't have to say yes!

Of course I did!

Yeah, some plan, Zoe.

A kidnapping, a proposal. What's next?

Brick gets out of surgery, Shelby breaks up with him.

Problem solved.

Hell no! I already wrote that note.

You tell him.

Yeah, "Hey, welcome back Brick.

Here's a big bowl of heartbreak with your Jell-O!"

Look, Brick was gonna get his heart broken one way or another.

All we did was defer the heartbreak until after the surgery to save his life.

Is there an Olympic Mental Gymnastics team?

'Cause you would be a lock.

So, how's that sauce coming?

Oh, my God, Lavon, I can't do it anymore!

What?

If I have to keep this lie from you one second longer, I think I'll explode.

I know that we swore up and down that we would stay out of it, but I couldn't.

I called Lemon.

You did what now?

I told her about Wade and the dockworkers and about fight night.

Say something.

Thank God.

I did the same thing.

You did?! What is wrong with us?!

Why couldn't we leave it alone?

I don't know.

You know, maybe one of the things we like about each other is what great friends we are to our friends.

Oh, I like that better than my answer.

What's that?

That the vacuum created by their clashing wills sucked all the air out of our brains?

Maybe we should get over there.

Okay, here are your options.

I hold them overnight, someone bails them out, or I release them to your custody.

Well, Sheriff, they are a handful, but I think I'm gonna have to go with option "C."

Sheriff Bill: Your custody means your responsibility.

So be sure.

I'm sure.

I mean, they are Tansy's brothers.

Which makes them family.

And this is what you do for family.

Have I said thank you yet today, George Tucker?

How long have you been standing there?

Long enough to hear you call my family yours.

Well, they didn't leave me much of a choice.

They, uh, they made me an honorary Truitt.

George Truitt!

(whooping, laughing)

That's right! Our brother!

Not sure what that makes you, though, Tansy.

Shut up, idiots.

Hope you like dead bees, honey and the smell of chemicals 'cause you're gonna be staying at my trailer from now on.

(groaning)

And if I hear that you have even been in spitting distance of any more trouble...

I'm calling Mama.

Take me home, George Tucker.

Yes, ma'am.

You really think she'd call Mama?

(scoffs) No.

(whooping)

(laughter)

Good Lord.

Lavon: What the hell is this?

(cackles)

Wanda?

What's going on?

Welcome to the Rammer Jammer's first annual Wine and Fight Night.

Where's the wine?

There is no wine.

And there is no fight.

Y'all enjoy.

(whirring)

Turns out, they don't even care about wine, they just wanted to taste something new.

So I mixed up all these specialty concoctions.

We're gonna discuss them later.

You don't say.

Yeah, try this one.

I call it Beyoncé's Navel.

So, I learned it's human nature.

People like watching athletic events while they drink.

Any athletic event.

(chuckles)

Even ladies arm wrestling.

Crickett is really strong.

(arm crunches on table) Ow.

Boo-ya!

Who wants some of this?

Hey, Wanda, tell Lemon the good news.

I just did a preliminary accounting, and this has already been the biggest night the Rammer Jammer's had since you two took over.

We're flush.

(squeals)

And the night is still young!

Up high, partner.

What up.

You know this is all 'cause of us, right?

Up high, partner.

(rhythmic beeping)

We talked to your surgeon.

He said it was a total success.

You can expect a full recovery.

You'll be back to your cranky self within days.

Okay, so... why are y'all looking at me like someone d*ed?

Look, there's something that you should know.

Oh, my God!

Your doctor gave me the good news, bless his heart.

Oh, actually, we were just telling him...

You are out of the woods and I just wanted to say...

I can't wait to marry you and start our lives together.

Was I interrupting something?

And despite our upper management issues, we managed to pull together a pretty kick-ass night.

We might consider that there is room enough for both of our visions.

Maybe the Rammer Jammer just needs to be big enough for wine tastings and UFC championships.

Maybe all we need is more space.

Right.

And to that end, what if we tore down that wall over there?

We could turn our storage area into, get this, a function room.

For special events.

Wine tastings. Fight night.

Book club, fight club.

I mean, how hard is it to take down a wall?

You are a human wrecking ball.

Just when I thought you couldn't make things any worse.

Maybe she had a change of heart.

I think it's sweet.

Yeah?

You think it's gonna last?

Thanks to you, Brick is gonna marry a woman who will most certainly not be sticking with him in sickness and in health.

We don't know that for sure.

Okay, maybe we do.

It's not your place.

I mean, wh-why did you have to get involved?

Because I didn't want him to die, all right?

I will deny this if you ever repeat it, but that stubborn, crabby jerk is the closest thing I've got to a father in this town.

Okay. I... I get it.

And if you want...

I can tell Brick about Shelby.

I mean, it's not like I didn't participate.

No. It's my fault.

As soon as Shelby leaves, I'll do it.

(sighs)

All right, on three.

One... two... three!

(grunts)

Holy crap, it's rotted.

What? (yelps)

(Wade coughs)

Oh...

(electrical crackling)

Wade?

How much is this gonna cost to fix?

Uh... a lot more than we made tonight.

Oh...

(sighs)

(rhythmic beeping)

(sighs)

Oh, it is true what they say.

There is nothing more boring than a hospital room.

Believe it or not, I am glad to see you.

Well, then, you should try to hold on to that feeling, because there's something I need to tell you.

Whoa. Anything starts like that cannot be good.

(exhales)

Listen, as much as you care about Shelby, and I know that you do, I believe that you're making the biggest mistake of your life.

Yep, and I was right.

Shelby left town because she couldn't deal with you being sick.

She left you a note.

I had to drag her back here.

She's a fair-weather fiancée who can't be trusted to stay with you for better or worse.

Well, maybe for better, but no one stays better forever.

And what's the bad news?

Hey, she panicked, Zoe.

It happens.

And who knows, maybe she was afraid that-that I would die and that she would be left alone.

But certainly you can understand how that fear can make one act irrationally.

Like maybe kidnap someone, or thr*aten their coupons.

She told you?

(laughs)

Hey.

Truth is, I-I love Shelby.

I can't help it.

And-and I will just take all the time that she is gonna give me and... and consider it a gift.

Even if you know that it might not last?

You're willing to take that risk?

Zoe, we are all gonna die alone.

You know why I proposed when I did?

Because, God forbid, if I hadn't made it to the other side, at least I put my cards on the table.

I let Shelby know how I felt.

So if there's someone that you care about in this world, the risk lies in not letting them know while you have the chance.

Zoe: Hey.

Are you alone?

Uh... yeah.

What are you doing here?

(chuckles)

George.

I have learned that life is unpredictable.

For example: I almost choked to death the other day on a donut hole.

Oh.

I'm okay.

But I realized that I don't want to die with regrets.

Which is why I'm here.

To tell you that I made a mistake when I told you that we shouldn't date the day after you didn't get married.

A huge, life-altering mistake.

And I'm hoping that it is not too late to change things.

Because, well, I like you.

I still like you.

I still more than like you.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that you are the one for me, and I realize that my timing is terrible because you are currently with someone, but I need you to know.

Because no regrets!

And now you know.

That's all.

I'm not expecting a response right now.

Oh, you're gonna get one, Zoe, and it's this: (shouts): Are you out of your freaking mind right now?!

Seriously.

You had every opportunity in the world to be with me, and you didn't take it.

You sent me out to go find a real relationship.

Well, guess what I found?

A real relationship.

It's with Tansy, and it's awesome.

So, I am sorry if you almost choked to death with a head full of regrets.

That must have been very scary.

But next time... take smaller bites.

Okay. I regret that.