03x09 - Something to Talk About

[bunniefuu]

I wanna share some news.

(whispers): I'm pregnant.

Who's the lucky guy?

I am not the father.

Shelby was artificially inseminated.

What are you doing here?

Wade offered me a job.

Hope it's not gonna be uncomfortable.

Why would it be? No, not at all.

Why didn't you want to meet us?

Family has never meant more to me than trouble.

I wish we could start over.

Okay. Yeah.

Vivian Wilkes.

I hear you bought the Rammer Jammer.

Yeah, you should come by some time.

Joel can give you a ride home.

I have a ride.

You ready?

♪

Zoe: This has been the most amazing month.

Getting to know you, guys.

Vivian: I'm just glad we haven't burnt you out on Wilkes family activities.

No way! Sunrise tennis is awesome.

I love our family traditions.

I'm not sure your boyfriend agrees.

Sorry. Catching a breath back here.

Pathetic. Get in shape, buddy.

What?!

There was one of me versus two of you.

Oh, brother.

Ladies, nobody told me it was tennis-skirt Tuesday.

Move along.

Nothing to see here.

Hey. Hey, I am so glad that you called.

We should make this a regular thing.

Oh, I'm just thrilled to get out of the house and converse with people that don't drink out of juice boxes.

Life of a single mom.

Right...

Actually, I've started thinking about moving on, the next step, dating.

Wow.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, that's great.

Get back on that horse.

Why don't you let me set you up.

Really? You'd do that?

Yes. Just let me check and see if that guy I'm thinking of is still available.

Okay.

(chuckles)

Hey, what's your take on Vivian?

Vivian, Zoe's cousin Vivian?

Yeah.

She's great.

I got half a mind to ask her out.

You should listen to that half of your mind.

You guys would make a great couple.

And then we'd have a fourth for tennis.

Now, I think we could totally take them.

It's true, I'm stronger on the forehand side, but I'm a monster at the net.

Easy there, Sparky. The more you talk about this, less appealing it seems.

All right.

Yeah. (Laughs)

Yeah. See?

Mm.

I call it Frittata Lambada.

Oh, let me guess. 'Cause it's gonna make my taste buds dance.

Correct. Also, because it rhymes.

Oh. Okay.

Good morning.

Hey. I didn't know y'all were coming by for breakfast.

No. Even though we should have, since it's been every day for a week.

I don't know that it's been every day.

Lynly: No, A.B.'s right.

For whatever reason, George can't get enough of y'all's company.

You know what I mean.

Oh, George, uh, come on.

Uh, sure.

I'm gonna need you at this meeting this afternoon with Mayor Gainey and...

Uh, the state comptroller?

The one where he said he's pitching us on the merger?

I thought you said that was a waste of time.

And it is. I mean, Gainey will never agree to it, either.

There's one thing that Gainey and I agree upon, is that'll be a cold day in hell before BlueBell and Fillmore merge.

Okay. So, what's the point?

Today's comptroller is tomorrow's governor.

He may force the issue, and Gainey's bringing his attorney, so I'm bringing you.

Oh, joy, an afternoon with Scooter McGreevy.

How did I get so lucky?

Oh, and one more thing.

You want to tell Lavon Hayes why you're avoiding the fine dining establishments of BlueBell?

What? I'm not avoiding...

Well, because a suspicious man might think it's on account of the fact that your ex-girlfriend's working at the Rammer Jammer, which would imply you still have feelings...

Lavon, that is not the case.

That's all I need to hear.

Okay.

All right.

Lynly, good news. George Tucker's taking you out to breakfast this morning.

You're welcome.

Yes, Lemon, I have been getting out of the house. I got a lunch date today.

No, it's not with Shelby.

It's with Carolee, if you must know.

Well, I will text you proof during dessert.

(laughs) That was a joke.

I'm not gonna text you.

Okay, you go tend to your grandmother.

All right. Bye.

Oh, Brick, Thank God.

It's an emergency.

Is it the baby? Contractions?

No. Worse. It's time for my birthing class, and I don't have a partner.

Okay, not really an emergency, and that shouldn't come as a surprise.

When I signed up for the class, I thought I'd be fine being a single mom in a sea full of couples, but this morning I woke up in a full-blown panic.

Shelby, can I tell you the truth about childbirth?

They guy doesn't really do that much.

I'm gonna be self-conscious, and then internalize those feelings, and that can't be good for the baby, right?

Are you sure you can't come to just one class with me?

Well, I...

I guess.

Sure, I... I could do that for you. Why not?

Oh. Thank you, Brick Breeland.

So, when is this class?

Lunchtime today. You're free, right?

By going out to breakfast, I thought you meant one of those new-fangled places where you sit at the table and people take your order.

No, no, no. The thing is, the Butter Stick Bakery...

They grind their own coffee.

That's why all the cool kids come here.

George.

Tansy, hey, what are you, uh...?

Butter Stick's got the best coffee.

George: Yeah.

Uh, Tansy, Lynly.

Lynly, Tansy.

Nice to meet you.

Great. Now everyone knows each other.

Well, I got to get to the Rammer Jammer.

Shift's starting, so...

How long you been working there?

Um, a week, ten days.

Y'all should come by for breakfast.

Huh. Yeah.

(laughs)

So, that's the Tansy who damaged your goods, Tansy?

Yup, one in the same.

Should I be worried about this?

No. No, absolutely not.

Tansy and I ended a while ago.

She moved on with Scooter McGreevy, and I found you, which means I won.

But you're avoiding the Rammer Jammer.

Yes. Just because I don't feel like running into my ex for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It makes it hard to digest.

I get it, George. I've been there.

And that is why I am the luckiest guy in the world.

Yes, you are.

(chuckles)

Percy Lewis composed a symphony.

What college wouldn't want her?

Randy Foster got two photos in the National Geographic.

What has Rose Hattenbarger done? Nothing.

Rose, you're a great kid who's smart and funny with loads of potential.

That is not enough.

I need to stand out.

I need...

Internships.

That's how I got accepted to every college I applied to.

I did internships all over Manhattan.

Red Cross, CDC, Doctors Without Borders.

I got coffee for Dr. Ruth one summer.

Internships. Got it.

Why are there no other adults in my life I can rely on?

A.B., you're in the setting-people-up- on-dates business, right?

Not for money.

That's illegal.

No. I told my cousin Vivian that I had somebody great to set her up with, but I don't.

Okay, well, why would you tell her that?

Because I am trying to prevent certain disasters from happening.

Okay.

Hey, I know this might be weird, but what about Vivian and Wade?

I think they might have a little spark.

That is the disaster I'm trying to prevent from happening.

Zoe.

No. Oh, no, no. Not for the reasons that you think, okay?

It's just, Vivian's just getting back on that dating horse, and I don't want to see her thrown off and trampled before she has the chance to...

To canter?

Gallop?

I don't really know anything about horses.

It's just, I'm in a unique position to keep my cousin from making the same mistakes that I did.

Please.

Well... a couple months ago, Crickett and I made a list of all of the eligible bachelors for Lemon.

Let me see if it's stil floating around.

Perfect!

Okay. You're welcome.

Sorry, everyone.

Uh, our comptroller was just outlining the virtues of a town merger.

Here you go.

I know it's a tough sell, but it gets me out of the office.

(laughter)

All right, speech is this.

Governor believes it would save our fine state millions of dollars if we can get some of our less populated towns to merge... with their neighbors.

Well, I know I speak for Mayor Gainey when I say, we both relish our towns' unique identities, and can't envision a world in which they are merged into one.

Well, hold on now.

Don't go putting words in my mouth there, Mayor Hayes.

Tell your boss that the people of Fillmore would love nothing better than to link arms and embrace our brethren to the west.

I'm-I'm sorry. What now?

Fillmore supports the merger.

And the progressive thinking behind it.

(imitates expl*si*n)

Oh.

Okay. What is he doing? Is he...

All right, I'm sorry. Is he serious?

Serious as a Liam Neeson movie.

Comptroller: Finally, I careport some good news to the Governor.

He might put this on his Twitter.

A visionary alliance, Mayor Hayes.

Come here, give me a hug.

Uh...

Comptroller Riley, all due respect.

Please tell the Governor that BlueBell is not, and will never be interested in merging with Fillmore.

Uh, George?

Never. Ever.

Every, ever.

Ever.

Comptroller: Seems to me, if I was in charge of Bluebird...

That's BlueBell...

I would be thrilled to merge with the good people of Fillmore.

I intend to fast-track this merge with the Governor's Office.

You will be hearing from him.

Good day, gentlemen, and thank you for making me one happy civil servant.

Tucker, this is gonna be great.

I think when the merger goes through, I might buy a boat.

Oh, and, uh...

Tansy and I can be your neighbors.

Oh...

No, uh, not now, not now, not now.

(doorbell jingles)

Twice in one day.

I'm so glad you called.

Couldn't wait to share my news.

I have lined up an excellent date for you.

His name is Carter Covington.

I know. Awesome alliteration.

I have some news of my own.

I'm going on a date tonight.

What? That's great news!

With who?

What do you think you're doing?

Well, Zoe, this is what people in my trade call "wiping down a bar".

You asked out Vivian Wilkes?

Hey, it is true what they say - word does travel fast.

How does this have anything to do with you?

She's my cousin, and I'm looking out for her.

Vivian is in a vulnerable place. She's just starting to date after her divorce.

Wow. Can I just say I am stunned? And shocked?

And... whew... just so completely surprised that you would not approve.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means that I don't recall asking for your input, Zoe.

That said, I will take your words under consideration.

Really?

(laughs)

(groans)

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

(birds singing)

Season 3, Episode 9

"Something to Talk About"

I don't understand. What would we even be called? FillBell?

Doesn't matter 'cause it's not happening.

By definition, a merger means both towns agree to merge.

Regardless, Lavon, I think you need to talk to the town.

Okay? You need to tell them what's going on.

Have you seen BlueBell panic?

It's not pretty.

We make this go away first.

But why would Gainey even want us to merge? He hates us!

Yeah, he's cooking something up in that weasely little mind of his.

I have an idea how we can find out.

We just need to appeal to someone on the inside of Fillmore.

Someone who's sympathetic to BlueBell, but has a foot in each town.

Someone who works here, sleeps there.

He's talking about Tansy.

Yeah, I figured that out.

I really appreciate you coming.

You want to grab coffee? My treat.

Oh, I would love to, but I need to get back to work.

But, uh, raincheck?

Yeah.

Shelby, you okay?

Yeah, it's just...

(voice breaks): Nobody told me how terrifying this would be.

The days are fine, but the nights just freak me out... all alone in that hotel.

I'm worried that I'm gonna go into labor, and the only person that's gonna be there is the clerk with the glass eye.

Oh...

Hey, this is BlueBell, not Bethlehem.

No one's giving birth in a barn here.

You can knock on any door at any time, and someone will always give you a ride to the hospital.

Thank you, Brick.

So, BlueBell and Fillmore are gonna be one big super town.

I mean, what would it even be called? MoreBell?

Well, we want to prevent that from happening.

So we're wondering if you know anything about why Mayor Gainey would want to merge.

You are close to his lawyer.

I don't know. But sounds like you're asking me to spy on Scooter.

We don't see it so much as spying on Scooter as we do protecting the b*ating heart of BlueBell.

There's a little spying.

You know, I always catch Scooter reading my texts.

Besides, BlueBell has always felt more like home to me.

But that means that I don't know how much help I can be.

I barely ever see Scooter.

He is back and forth to Montgomery, working on some big money deal with his law school buddy Dan Plummer.

Wait a minute.

Do you mean Danny Plummer?

Because Danny Plummer is a certified insolvency and restructuring advisor.

I'm sorry. I fell asleep on the third or fourth syllable there.

Uh, he means he's a bankruptcy expert.

Scooter's bankrupt?! That's why we never eat out!

No, no, not Scooter.

Danny works with cities.

That means Fillmore is bankrupt.

Lavon: That's why they want to merge.

They don't want "a visionary alliance", they want our piggybank.

Yeah, and if we can prove that they just want to come raid our treasury...

Oh, we take it to the Governor, merger goes away.

(snaps fingers)

If... we can find proof.

Dan Plummer's having an office party tonight... Hawaiian luau.

Scooter said I could come along.

But I don't like Hawaiian parties.

The costumes are so demeaning.

Tansy...

The future of BlueBell depends on you getting us into that party.

Annabeth: You don't have appointments.

But we're not here as patients.

We're here as the press.

Yeah, I'm sorry. The... press?

That's right. The Fourth Estate.

We have some questions for you.

Dash: The BlueBell Blawker here with AnnaBeth Nass, talking about the rumors rumbling through BlueBell, rumors of a town merger.

Merger? What merger?

There's no merger. No rumors.

Oh, no? Well, then tell me, why is it that your paramour, Mayor Hayes, has been ducking my calls?

Maybe he doesn't like the press.

Nobody likes the press until they need us.

That's why they call us the Fourth Estate.

That is completely incorrect.

But, AnnaBeth, is there or is there not any truth to the rumors of a town merger?

No comment.

Except... get out!

Well, the Blawker will not rest until we get the real story!

That's why they call us the Fourth Estate.

Still no.

What-what... he asked about the merger?

What'd you say?

Nothing.

Okay, I'm on my way to Montgomery to derail this thing.

In the meantime, you need to stall Dash!

(panicked breathing)

A.B., are you okay?

Is this 'cause you heard about Wade and Vivian?

No. The fate of BlueBell rests on my shoulders.

It's too much! I can't even say the words!

Okay, say it in one breath.

Just get it out.

I'm sure it's not that bad.

Dash Dewitt found out that BlueBell and Fillmore might merge, and he's threatening to write about it in his blog, and no one can know about it, and Lavon said it's up to me to stop him!

Promise me you'll help me.

Hell yes! We will not spend the rest of our lives with a return address of BlueMore.

Promise.

All right.

Zoe: We in this room are the only ones who know about the merger.

You mean except Lavon and George.

Possibly Tansy.

Could be people in Fillmore.

Shut up.

Lavon is depending on us, and I have a plan.

We are going to concoct a juicy scandal that will be irresistible to Dash and will distract him from the merger.

Genius, right?

I can hear you rolling your eyes.

What, so Lemon's out of town, and you're filling the shenanigan vacuum?

Well, historically, there's a long tradition of secret cabals dummying up news stories to distract the press.

Um, Thatcher and the Falkland Islands w*r, uh, George Bush and Iraq...

Whoa. You want to concoct a fake w*r?

No, dummy, this is BlueBell.

We want to concoct a fake romance.

Yeah, we could float rumors that Shelby's baby daddy is a celebrity, like Robin Thicke or Lance Armstrong.

Okay, just spitballing, but maybe we could leak a story that you and George Tucker secretly got together.

(coughs, laughs)

I am not really comfortable with that.

Zoe and Wade?

No.

Not a chance.

I guess that leaves me and Joel, secret affair.

You okay with that?

Why not?

Well, I would love to stick around for the weirdest meeting I've ever been to.

I've got a date.

What, with Vivian?

You're still gonna go out with her when the fate of BlueBell hangs in the balance?

I think you'll be fine without me.

And, uh, I'm out of the fake relationship business.

Come on. Am I wrong?

It's hard to say.

Now, to the outside observer, you might seem a little jealous and crazy.

I'm worried.

Wade plays with women and then tosses them aside like chew toys or socks.

I'm trying not to let this get to me, but you seem a little irrational about them.

It's not irrational, it's evolutional.

It's not a word.

The biological instinct to protect family...

Who, in this case, happens to be a vulnerable single mom who does not need to be tossed aside like a sock.

Darwin? Natural selection?

Look it up.

Okay. Well, I guess I know what drove fake me to that fake affair.

I feel like an idiot.

Yeah, I second that emotion.

Tansy: Well, cry me a river.

If either of y'all want to swap outfits with me, you're more than welcome.

So what's the plan here?

I'll go in first, get Scooter to introduce me to Dan Plummer, distract him, then when I give you the sign, you find his office.

Okay. And how are you gonna distract him again?

George, grass skirt, coconuts on my boobs? Hello?

Ah, yeah.

Whatever happens, you know the rule.

Oh, yes. Keep you away from the photocopy room.

When George and I were together, he took me to this Bar Association thingy.

It was a new members gala.

Someone spiked the punch, and I might...

Have, uh, done some scandalous things at the photocopy machine.

To the photocopy machine.

(chuckles): She did. She...

You had to have been there.

These coconuts are not gonna distract themselves. I'm going in.

(laughs)

(clears throat)

♪

Starting to think this wasn't such a good idea.

Just...

Okay, there's the signal.

Here we go.

♪

Lemon, hey, this constant checking in is starting to make me feel like I'm talking to my grade school principal.

No, I am on my way to dinner with Carolee.

(knocking)

Ooh, that's her now.

Uh, just say hi to Mother. Okay.

Shelby!

Surprise! Well, not really.

No, really!

I'm taking you up on your offer!

You said that I should take advantage of BlueBell, move in to town...

Please tell me that's what you meant, 'cause I just got rid of my room at the motel.

Uh, yeah, of course...

(sighs)

It is so relaxing here.

So good for the baby!

Oh!

(sighs)

Where should we put my stuff?

Nuzzle her neck or something.

Did you say "nuzzle her neck"?

Are you sure?

All right.

Let me just...

Run your fingers through her hair.

Okay.

Ow!

All right, sorry. My bad.

A.B., look illicit.

More illicit.

Too illicit!

Just... I don't know.

Zoe: Oh, hello, Wade.

Poor Vivian... he's totally working it.

Hello, Zoe!

We are not making out over here for the fun of it!

Yeah, well, I mean, just a little fun.

Sorry. Okay.

A.B., I want you to pick three or four of the best pictures and send them to Dash anonymously.

That should be enough to get him started.

If not, I'll send him some of our dirty text messages.

You need to write those.

Joel: Oh, yeah. I'll make them exceedingly filthy.

Annabeth: Perfect!

See you on the flip side.

Zoe?

Huh?

Well, can you believe this? He didn't even take her out of town for dinner.

Oh, all right.

Look, enough is enough.

It's one thing to be protective of your cousin, but this... this is getting a little bananas.

Joel, I just found my family after all these years.

Yeah...?

They're not gonna be happy with me when this just blows up in her face.

Do you really think it's bananas to want to keep that from happening?

No, but it is bananas to try and forbid two adults from dating, and then spying on them from an alley.

I am not... Shh!

See? Bananas.

(knocking)

Carolee?

You sounded so sick when you canceled dinner.

I wanted to make sure you had something to eat.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

Oh, it's nothing.

Heat this for 20 minutes at 300 degrees...

Shelby: Bricky? I'm doing laundry.

Want me to throw anything in for ya?

Uh, this is...

Oh!

Not what you think!

She made us dinner?

Amazing.

You were right about BlueBell.

Mother Mary should've given birth to her little tyke right here.

(sighs)

Joel: You know what I think?

I think Wade might be great for her.

I've been hanging out with the guy.

He's, uh, he's awesome.

You know? He's fun.

He's laid back.

Plus, street smarts.

Wish I had those.

Maybe you should date him.

Believe me, Wade is not as dreamy as you think, okay?

I know better than anyone.

You know what? I should call Vivian and rescue her.

(stammers) Zoe Hart?

What?

Let them make their own mistakes.

Stay out of it.

It's called recognizing that you're being nuts and butting out.

Promise me.

(cell phones chiming)

I think we've entered phase two.

Act natural.

Wanda: Zoe, I need to show you something at the bar... something private.

Medical. Medically private.

Dash just blasted out a news flash.

And, well, you're gonna hear it sooner or later.

Joel and AnnaBeth are having an affair.

Oh, my God, I don't believe it.

There are more pictures, Zoe.

Very graphic. He's nuzzling her neck.

(gasps) God, nuzzling?

That is so illicit!

If you need a shoulder to cry on, I've got two right here.

Is it true? You and AnnaBeth?

Zoe, I'm sorry. We just...

We got carried away.

You know, the heart wants what the heart wants.

(gasps)

(yells)

(crowd gasps)

(yells)

(crowd gasps)

(huffs)

I got to ask you something.

Well, the answer is yes.

What we are doing could be construed as illegal.

However, the courts have ruled that there's a limited expectation of privacy at office parties, so we...

No, no, I-I got to ask you about Tansy.

(sighs)

Lavon, we had this conversation, okay?

Mm-hmm, and then I spent a couple hours with you two in a car.

Saw you see your ex in a grass skirt.

Lavon, I am over Tansy.

I told you that already.

Well, maybe I'm seeing things where there's nothing to see.

But I need you to swear that you will not break my cousin's heart.

Lavon, I'm not gonna break... Holy crap.

That's not what I mean.

No, I mean holy crap, I found the Fillmore files.

Oh, oh. And?

Well, they are...

Most definitely not bankrupt.

Uh, far from it.

Well, we got to find a smoking g*n.

I mean, if Gainey's not after our money, why is he supporting the merger?

Because he doesn't think it's a merger.

He thinks it's an annexation, look.

Well, what the hell? Where'd BlueBell go?

It's all Fillmore.

Yeah.

He's gonna try and take over the whole town.

"West Fillmore, East Fillmore"?

Our town square's gonna be a...

No, no. Don't look.

Don't look at that. You don't want to look at that. I said don't...

A giant mall?

Called Gainey Shopping Center.

No! No, no, no.

No...

I can't speak!

Yeah, that's the first sign of shock.

So we're gonna go ahead and get you home so AnnaBeth can take care of you.

Lavon: You and Joel? Zoe's Joel?

That's the distraction you came up with?

We didn't have a lot of time.

And the story has legs.

Dash is covering Joel-a-Beth 24/7.

The photos really sold it.

Photos?

Don't worry, uh, some nuzzling.

A little kissing. No tongue.

I got to sit down.

(Stammers) You can't.

Did you see the gathering on your property?

Those people are holding a vigil to show you support.

They are watching us right now.

We need to wave our arms around, and pretend we're having a big fight.

Oh, no, we don't.

Oh, yes, we do.

For BlueBell. (Groans) We need to pretend we're having a big fight.

And then I will storm out in tears and sleep at my place. Ready?

(snaps fingers)

Wave them!

Zoe: Vivian?

Is everything okay?

I was just about to ask you the same thing.

I read about Joel and the mayor's girlfriend.

Oh, that. You can't believe everything you read in the Blawker.

It's fine, really.

I want to know about your date.

Look, I should preface this by saying that I am sorry and I should've warned you.

What? No. It was... a blast actually.

Wade's like a walking carnival.

And I think I wanna see him again.

But that scares me.

Because I know it would only be a second date, but I'm sort of the kind of person who gets attached easily.

Oh, my God, me, too.

It must be a family trait.

I've heard all the rumors about Wade.

I grew up two towns over.

But the Wade I was with tonight, he was not that guy.

And I know, you two broke up for a reason.

And so I want to know what you think.

Vivian, I-I'm not comfortable with...

Wade's a friend.

Just tell me this... if you were a single mom, and you were just maybe ready to get in your first new relationship since your marriage ended, would Wade Kinsella be the guy you choose?

I'm gonna have to take the Fifth..

I am recusing myself from this conversation, like judges do.

Okay...

I understand what you're saying.

No, no. No, you don't understand.

Because I am neutral.

I'm Switzerland.

I'm saying nothing.

"Nothing" means nothing.

It's okay.

I get it.

Thanks, cuz.

Good night.

Thanks for everything.

Wha...? No, no, not-not everything.

Nothing! You mean thanks for nothing!

Lavon, I think...

Oh, please, don't say it's time to tell BlueBell what's going on.

It's time to tell BlueBell...

Okay, fine, I-I'll call an emergency town meeting this afternoon.

Lavon, everything okay?

I've read about A.B. and Joel.

Don't believe everything you read.

Unless it sails through Alabama state legislature at midnight. Then believe it.

I got to get to the office.

Lavon will fill you in. Lunch later?

It's a date.

Okay.

(door closes)

Should I be worried?

(stammers)

The town is in trouble, but we-we haven't started to fight back yet.

You let me...

Do the worrying.

Lynly?

You're not asking about BlueBell, are you?

Lavon...

You were with George and Tansy yesterday.

Tell me the truth. Do you think he still has feelings for her?

Brick: Shelby, when we first met, you were a closet organizer, right?

Florida's preeminent closet organizer.

Right, so imagine an immaculately organized closet torn asunder by a tornado.

Everything used to have its place, but now... chaos.

Maternity gowns where the suits used to be and-and baby booties on the tie rack, and-and in the drawer which used to contain cuff links and a social life is now filled with birthing classes and crying jags.

I take it we've moved into metaphor.

Shelby, I-I really need my life to stay my life.

Brick Breeland, you are not telling me, at seven months pregnant, to go find another place to live when you were the one that told me to stay with you in the first place!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I did nothing of the sort.

Well, then how do you explain me being there?

How do I explain?!

You-you took advantage of my polite nature and the fact that I cannot say no to you!

You h*jacked my life.

You sent the woman I was dating running for the hills.

And you've turned me into a monster who yells at a seven-month pregnant single mother-to-be!

Are you okay?

Should I get you something to drink?

Rose: Dash? Hattenbarger.

Stop the presses.

It's a saying. Do you want to hear my scoop or not?

I appreciate you letting me crash here, man.

Zoe and I planned the big fight, but never decided who was gonna sleep where.

Everybody loves a fake relationship till you become the dude sleeping on another dude's couch.

Coffee?

Room service. Sweet.

Well, it ain't free.

I need some advice on the topic of one Vivian Wilkes.

Why? Did it not go well last night?

No, it went great last night.

The problem was this morning.

I kept waking up thinking I should call her 'cause I want to see her again.

Well, it sounded good so far.

What's the problem here?

Well, I'm not a "call you the next morning" kind of guy.

(laughing): I mean, come on, who does that?

I do.

I called Zoe the day after our first date. I woke her up.

She yelled at me.

It was adorable.

Actually, I read this Russian short story once...

I'm sure whatever you're gonna say is fascinating, but just put a lid on it, will you?

(chuckles)

Vivian Wilkes, Wade Kinsella.

You might remember me as the dashing gentleman from last night. (Chuckles)

Yeah.

Zoe Hart, just the person I was coming to see.

Something wrong? The office opens in ten minutes.

Something's wrong, but it ain't medical.

You know me, Doc, I'm not the kind of guy who loses sleep over rejection by the opposite sex.

It's a numbers game.

Oh, boy.

I had a pretty great time with your cousin last night, which makes it all the more curious when I called her this morning, she had a change of heart.

Seems she decided that because she's a single mom, she didn't want to be hanging around the likes of me.

What do you suppose inspired this revelation, Dr. Hart?

Vivian came to me after your date.

She wanted my opinion.

But since I'm not the most objective person on the subject, ...I recused myself.

You did what now?

I stayed out of it.

I said "No comment."

I'm Switzerland.

"No comment"?

That's like saying, "Stay away from him, he's a jerk," but with fewer words.

What? I thought you'd be happy that I kept the truth to myself.

It wasn't easy, you know.

Oh, oh, the truth.

Please, enlighten me.

Any relationship that she were to have with you probably wouldn't last.

That's fine for the Susies and the Daisies and the Bambis, but, you know, Vivian's a single mom and she can't afford to get hurt.

You mean like you did.

Because you can see the future for everybody in the world, as they're all just like you.

How long are you planning on punishing me?

Because the last time I checked, you were the one who walked away.

I'm not punishing you.

I'm protecting Vivian because she's family.

I was just telling her the truth.

The truth.

Yeah. Yeah, I got that.

Or maybe the truth is I make Vivian happy.

Maybe the truth is that everyone in this town can see that I've changed except for you.

Maybe you need to ask yourself why it is exactly you don't want me dating so close to home.

Zoe, I need to talk to you.

Rose, look, I'm just... I'm not in a good place right now.

I'm going crazy. I thought I did the right thing, but now I think I did something terrible.

Opened my big mouth and hurt people.

I've never felt so guilty.

That's weird. Me, too.

I bet mine's worse.

I saw Lavon and A.B. secretly smooching, even though they're supposed to be broken up, so I called Dash and told him the A.B.-Joel affair was probably faked to throw us off the trail of the merger, and now he's posting that story on the Blawker.

I'm sorry. You did what? You called Dash?

Okay, yes, yours might be worse.

I'm a journalist.

I have a moral obligation to tell the truth.

Don't I?

Sometimes what you think is the truth might not be the truth.

So it wasn't a fake affair designed to distract us from the merger?

Oh, no, that was true. That was the plan, but apparently there were holes in it.

Rose, the thing is, sometimes there's good reasons not to tell people everything just because you think it's true.

Like the town finding out it's about to merge with its mortal enemy and there'll be looting in the streets?

Or two people who might be happy together won't see each other again because you acted crazy?

Um, that one doesn't apply to me.

Are you sure that Dash is gonna publish the story?

It's a pretty big story for BlueBell.

All right, you need to go warn Lavon.

Now. Now. Go.

(sighs): Oh, God.

Is this going to be brutally difficult? Absolutely.

The steepest political challenge you have ever faced in your life, undoubtedly.

Is the inspirational part of this speech coming?

Mayor Hayes, I have to talk to you.

Later, Rose. We are in pregame.

Moments like this forge true leaders.

Churchill in the Blitz.

Kennedy's m*ssile crisis.

Lavon Hayes and the town merger.

What do all these events have in common?

A fearless leader.

And the people who love him.

Rose: Yeah, about that last part, I think you should know there's a small chance that Dash has posted a story about the merger.

And by "small chance" you mean...

Dash just posted a story about the merger.

Ah...

Carolee.

Hi.

I wasn't sure which flowers would say, uh...

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my pregnant roommate"?

Yeah.

(laughs)

I just...

I couldn't figure out how to explain Shelby without scaring you off, ...so I'm just gonna dive in.

Brick.

There's really no need.

Yeah, there is.

I want you to understand.

I do, I understand.

I ran into Shelby this morning, and she explained the whole thing.

Oh, boy. She did, huh?

She said how you'd been together, and even though you're not now...

No, we're not.

How you've really been there for that baby.

Not my baby, by the way.

She said it wouldn't be possible for you to care more about a baby, even if it were your own.

God...

That made me cry.

I think you're amazing.

No. No. I'm not amazing.

Brick... you should be with Shelby.

What? No. I-I don't wanna be with Shelby.

I wanna be with you.

Really?

Look at your life.

This isn't my life.

This is just the things that happen when Shelby is around.

The universe bends to her will.

Brick... you're a sweet man.

But, like my daddy used to say, if enough people tell you you're drunk, sometimes it's a good idea to lie down.

(exhales)

(clamoring)

Look, if we could all just settle down now.

(crowd quiets)

Is it true BlueBell's merging with Fillmore?

Well, nothing is set in stone.

Did you tell AnnaBeth and Joel Stevens to fake a relationship to distract us?

What did you know and when did you know it?

(clamoring)

Let the man speak!

(crowd quiets)

Look, I know we're all upset.

And-and I should've told you about the merger when I first heard about it.

But I was hoping to-to handle it before anyone got worried.

Now, look, I'm not gonna lie to you.

This merger with Fillmore is still a thr*at.

But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to fight it.

Now is not the time to panic.

If not now, when?

(clamoring)

Sergeant Jeffries...

No, no, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to them.

I wanna know. When is it a good time to panic?

Crowd: Yeah!

When we're all Fillmorons?

I say panic now!

Panic now!

No. No!

(clamoring)

(knocking)

Oh.

Zoe, I didn't know you were coming by.

Get you something to drink?

I don't deserve anything to drink.

Vivian, I messed up when I tried to steer you away from Wade.

No, you were very clear. You were neutral. You were Switzerland.

(sighs) Did you tell Wade that you didn't want to go out with him again?

Uh, that's kind of between me and Wade.

I agree.

Unless part of it has to do with what I told you.

I-I don't know why I went bananas when I found out that Wade asked you out, but I did.

I am not holding a torch for Wade.

Believe me.

I-I love Joel.

I have never been happier.

I'm not even trying to punish Wade.

You know, our breakup was as much my fault as it was his.

Maybe there's just something about him that makes you crazy.

Maybe.

(laughs)

But the truth is, Wade is a great guy with massive potential for growth with the right woman.

What if I'm not the right woman?

Well, I'm not telling you to marry him, and I can't promise that it's gonna work out, but did you have a good time with him?

Yeah.

(giggles)

Maybe you should give him another chance to make you crazy.

♪

If you still want me to leave, I'm all packed up.

Do you still want me to leave?

No.

Oh, thank God you said that.

Could you be a doll and help me unpack?

Oh, sure.

Also, I was thinking you could move me into the other bedroom, the one closer to the bathroom, 'cause you know how often I have to go now.

Oh, that's probably a good idea.

Yeah. And after that, do you think it would be possible to change the lightbulbs in the hallway?

Those halogen ones are too bright.

They give me a headache.

Oh, and I think I just might need a shower chair, 'cause who can stand with all this weight?

(laughs): Right?

I know a place in Mobile that sells them.

I should get a pen.

I'm gonna have to write all this down.

♪

Hey.

Heard the meeting didn't go so well.

Yeah, it was kind of like watching a hockey game at a Roman forum on a St. Patrick's Day when they announce there's no more beer.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

And I'm sure that Scooter didn't know everything Fillmore was planning.

I don't really see how he couldn't.

But you know what? It doesn't really matter anymore, does it?

I don't wanna see this town go away.

So if there is anything else I can do...

No, Tansy, you went above and beyond for this, so...

Thank you.

♪

Only in BlueBell can an angry mob be angry and yet still charming.

I mean, BlueBell should be allowed to stay BlueBell for that reason alone.

Poor Lavon, he loves this town.

As well he should.

(sighs)

The good news - fake affair exposed, at least we can put the "P" back in "PDA""

Have you been working on that line?

(Laughs): I am a smooth wordsmith.

(laughs)

I know we're all worried about the town, me, too... but guess what?

Uh, is this a real "guess what" or are you just gonna tell us?

My teacher knows an editor at The Huffington Post, and I pitched her an article about the murky ethics of journalism, and she loved it.

I'm calling it "The Quicksand of Truth."

Evocative.

And if the article goes well, they'll publish it.

I'll be applying to college as a published writer.

Take that, Percy Lewis and your dumb symphonies.

All right. Beer, white wine, and a Shirley Temple for the young lady.

We didn't even order.

On the house. I'm feeling generous.

Take advantage of it while it lasts.

Then can I get a white wine, too?

No.

Zoe: You're in an awful good mood for someone who might own a bar in Filmore.

Well, I got a call from Cousin Vivian.

Seems she's, uh, come to her senses.

Joel: Are you going out again?

Stud...

Don't do that.

Yep.

Weird, right?

Her calling me back out of the blue like that?

Ah, women.

Go figure.

You two have fun.

I intend to.

That was decent of you.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay.

Hey, where'd my wine go?

What?

All the best journalists drink.

Everybody knows that.

It's why they call it the Fourth Estate.

Is that true?

Could be.