03x21 - You Can't Go Home Again

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Baby Daddy". Aired June 2012 - May 2017.*
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A 20-something bachelor bartender gets the surprise of his life when a one night stand leaves his baby at his doorstep. Ben decides to raise his little girl with the help of his friends and family.
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03x21 - You Can't Go Home Again

Post by bunniefuu »

(Dings)

Okay okay okay.

Ah, not so fast.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry, but this elevator ride was the first time we've actually been alone since we decided to get back together.

Okay, all right. Last kiss before we go inside.

Wait wait wait. What?

"Last kiss"? Why "last kiss"?

We just had our first re-kiss. I went all the way to Florida for that kiss.

Well, I don't wanna tell anyone that we're dating again.

I ju... I just don't trust us yet.

Trust? How could you not trust me?

You've known me my whole life...

Which explains why you don't trust me.

Can't we just let us get used to being us before we bring anyone else into it?

Fine, but if anyone asks, it'd be rude to lie.

(Door opens)

And we're back. Anyone wanna ask what happened at Riley's family reunion?

Anyone?

Oh my God, why would they need to ask?

'Cause I'm pretty sure that they can guess what happened.

You know, my family re-uned. (Laughs)

Well, it was extra hot and steamy... the weather, the weather. Not anything else.

Oh, speaking of... Emma.

Don't you wanna go say hi to her right now? Please go.

All right. Well, thank you for a completely uneventful weekend.

So... what'd I miss?

I got a robot hand.

Hey, baby.

Daddy's home.

(Door shuts)


Hey, guess what. So, Riley and I are totally back together.

And if you tell anyone, young lady, I'll be very impressed.

(Theme music plays)

♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪
♪ can take your life and change direction. ♪


Everybody remember what you are doing at this moment.

We are at w*r with the Applewhites.

Yes! (Laughs)

What's an Applewhite?

Are... are those the people who bought your old house?

They're lovely.

(Mockingly) They're lovely.

No! They are trying to hijack my greatest achievement.

Come on, that'll never happen.

You'll always be my mom.

No. No.

They are bringing back my block party Olympics.

Yeah. That block was nothing until I got there, and I'll be damned if they're anything now that I'm gone.

Mrs. Wheeler, just be happy that you started a sweet neighborhood tradition.

They're also cutting down our old tree house.

Oh, those people have to pay!

Yeah!

We... we spent every day up there when we were kids.

Yeah. We probably should've gone to school more often.

Here's what's gonna happen: We're going to that block party, we're going to win, and the second we win, we are gonna shut it down for good, just like pregnancy did to my modeling career.

Well, I'm in.

Yeah, I have always wanted to go to a real block party.

I mean, pie-eating contest, egg toss.

I once did a three-legged race with the guy who cut our hedges, but my dad had him arrested right after that.

Sorry, Tucker... For many things.

But it's family only, okay?

All right. Danny, grab your brother and pack up the station wagon.

We have a neighborhood to destroy!

Hey.

Sounds like quite the commotion out there.

Is everything all right?

Of course it's all right.

Why wouldn't it be all right?

Oh my God, you're breaking up with me!

No.

It's just...

The magazine has offered me a position in Paris, and... I think I'm going to take it.

You're moving to Paris?

How is that not you breaking up with me?

I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

I just keep thinking...

"Could we ever really make this work?"

I mean, we're so different.

I know. You're a girl, I'm a boy.

That's why it works so well.

But you're so oddly close to your family.

I just don't think I'll ever fit in.

That's not true.

Hands off, people!

No sex before the block party. Danny, you're on hot dog duty.

If you love me, you'll shove at least 40 of those down that gullet of yours.

(British accent) 'Allo, Georgie.

Hey, bro, there you are. Let's catch up.

But don't ask me about my weekend with Riley, because I'm sworn to secrecy.

How do I make Georgie feel like she's part of our family?

Hmm, that's a good question.

Perhaps tell her something no one else knows, something private about someone else in your family.

God, I wish I could help you out.

I just hate for things to end.

But it's hard to be a couple when one of you lives in Paris.

Well, if there's one thing I don't know about, it's being a couple.

Don't ask me or Riley about that, okay?

Wait. Georgie's moving to Paris?

Yeah, haven't you been listening?

No, I've been trying to tell you that Riley and I are dating.

(Scoffs)

You are?

Why didn't you tell me that?

I just did...

Unless Riley asks, and then I didn't.

What do you think I should do?

Well, don't mention it to her, but feel free to buy me a drink and say congratulations.

You know, sometimes I think you're not even listening to me.

No, thank you, man.

Mom, I need you to help me make Georgie feel like she's part of the family.

Fine.

I'll borrow money from her and then forget to pay it back.

Ooh! Speaking of deadbeats, now that your dad isn't here to win the karaoke contest for the block party, who should sing?

Well, how about Georgie? She's got a lot of hidden talents.

(Chuckles) Yeah, they're not that hidden.

Tucker: ♪ I get so emotional, baby ♪
♪ every time I think of you... ♪

(Humming)


Is that an angel?

I think it's a Tucker.

♪ Hey hey... ♪

Hey, Tucker!

(Shower running)

Oh my God, Mrs. Wheeler! I'm naked!

Sorry!

I'm still naked!


Well, I guess it's true what they say: Like father, like son.

What is so important that you had to drag me out of the shower?

I need you to sing as a Wheeler at the block party karaoke-off!

I'm in!

Great! Okay.

Can you do what you were doing in there out here?

(Scoffs) Yeah.

You meant the singing, right?

My God. It's been forever since I've been up here.

I don't remember it being so roomy.

Well, maybe because you were a lot roomier back then.

Thank you for coming with me to say goodbye.

God, I love this tree house.

I can't believe they're tearing it down.

Aren't you upset?

I've actually got a three-bedroom in the city now, so I'm good.

Well, this fort was everything to me.

I mean, when I was up here, everything was perfect.

I didn't hate my mom. I wasn't fat.

I had friends.

You had Danny. (Chuckles)

Well, he was enough.

I just... I felt really safe.

Now if only you could feel that way with me.

Are you sure I can't tell people we're a couple?

(Shouts) Hey, orchard Lane!

Oh my God, Ben.

What are you doing?

I'm not ready, okay? We're not ready.

(Scoffs)

Yes, we are. We are like this tree house... solid, dependable and we'll withstand the test of time.

We're here because they're ripping it out by it's roots.

Shut up and kiss me.

Wait, what is that?

"D.W. + R.P."?

"Danny Wheeler loves Riley Perrin"?

Have you ever seen this?

Really? "D.W. + R.P."?

I can't believe you used to be in love with her.

Love? Who said anything about love?

I know I didn't.

I mean, I'm sure if it was anything, it was nothing more than a crush.

Yeah, it isn't anything. I didn't do it.

If I did, I think I'd remember.

I wonder what these letters "T. L.A." Stand for.

"True love always."

Aha! You did do it!

Wait. So that means you really did used to have feelings for Riley?

What? No!

Who can even remember? We were kids.

Let's move on! Let's talk about something else.

Something more exciting like how Ben and Riley are back together!

(Snaps fingers, mouths)

Excuse me?

That's right. Congratulations.

(Scoffs) I'm sorry. How did you know that Ben and I were back together?

Danny told me.

Ben told me.

Is there, uh, something that you wanna tell me?

(Sighs)

God, Ben! I thought we agreed.

Riley, I'm just excited. Why aren't you excited?

Well, because what if you change your mind?

I'm not going to!

Well, what if I don't believe you?

I mean, what if you break my heart again?

Because history shows you're pretty good at that.

So that's what this is about... the past.

Are you ever gonna let it go?

(Scoffs) It's a lot to let go, Ben.

Is it? Look, I get that I was an immature jerk, but I've been genuinely trying to change and it's still not enough for you.

(Sighs)

It's never gonna be enough for you.

You know what? Don't worry about having to tell anyone.

Because from where I'm standing, Riley, there's nothing to tell.

(Door opens)

Ben.


Whatever.

(Door closes)

I know we should've left, but it was getting really good.

So I was under the impression that you only had two sons.

Yeah. Yeah, we adopted this little guy, huh?

Ben and Danny just had to have him.

(Both laugh)

Hi, I'm Tucker Wheeler, the only Wheeler with a future.

Well, I don't care how many sons you have.

Looks like your days of ruling this block are over!

(Gasps)

(Laughs)

So much for your future.

(Mockingly laughs) Okay.

Second place?

Well, you can't blame Emma.

She took first in the baby wrestling contest.

Well, I'm not blaming her. I'm blaming you two. (Emma fusses)

How could you come in last in the wheelbarrow race?

Oh my God, you're do heavy.

Come on, just lift me up!

I'm trying! Why are they so fast?

Oh my God!

Yeah, we probably didn't think that one all the way through.

Okay, we really only have two chances left to take this thing... karaoke and pie eating.

You, go warm up your vocal cords. You, go find Ben.

Oh, no need, Georgie's got it.

She loves pie.

She weighs less than a pie!
Hey, Tuck. Tucker.

(Mouths)

Hey, have you seen Riley?

I think I may have overreacted to the whole me-and-her-dating thing oh, by the way, me and Riley are dating again.

Wow. You really can talk anybody into anything, can't you?

(Laughs)

For your information, I'm about to do something so romantic, she's gonna wanna marry me...

In three or four years. Let's not get crazy.

(Shouting, cheering)

Go! Go!


Stop chewing! It's slowing you down!

Come on, baby! You are so hot right now.

Yes!

Danny: Yes!


In your pie holes, suckers!

That was amazing. What's next?

Apple bobbing? Cage fighting? Pig wrestling?

I'm ready for anything.

My niece. We're a very close family.

Hey. Hey, Tucker, have you seen Ben?

And why are you stretching?

Oh, silly, off-key, out-of-tune Riley.

If I don't stretch it here, it don't come out here. (Chuckles)

Okay, I just... I really need to talk to him, 'cause I think I kind of overreacted, but... but who could blame me for not trusting him?

Riley, he's not the kind of guy to run away from things.

I think Emma's proof of that.

Oh my God. How could I think that I wouldn't be safe with him?

This man is willing to scream how he feels about me from the treetops. What is wrong with me?

So much. Let me...

Rhetorical!

Oh my God. I just... I'm gonna climb to the top of the tree house and I'm gonna yell out to the world that I am dating Ben Wheeler.

Oh, by the way, Ben and I are...

Yeah, I got that.

Yeah, she's walking and talking now. It's... it's really special.

Emma? Emma!

Has anyone seen Emma?

Oh, there you are. (Chuckles)

Oh my God.

I'm too late.

You might as well hand over that trophy right now, Joanie.

My five-alarm chili hasn't met a judge it couldn't seduce.

And quite frankly, neither have I.

Well, we'll see what my husband Bob has to say.

Oh, didn't you know that Bob was one of the judges?

(Gasps)

Oh, I knew.

Hope that doesn't ruin your chances for karaoke, Bobby.

I hear you have a beautiful voice.

(Raspily) I can't talk!

Well, it turns out I can't cook. Oops!

Oh, Mrs. Wheeler, you won't believe it.

They cut down our tree house.

I told you those applesauces were rotten.

Yeah, well, I'd burn the whole neighborhood to the ground if I thought it would get rid of you.

Oh, you're never getting rid of me.

I've given birth to two kids and a block party, and guess which one I'm most proud of.

Okay. I was just wondering can I use the stage to make a quick announcement?

Ooh! No can do.

The stage is reserved for karaoke-palooza... the final nail in the Applewhite coffin.

If you sing for team Applewhite, you can say whatever you want.

Oh, no can do, Joan Joan.

Remember, only family members can compete.

Well, as block party president, I say it's time to change that rule.

Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Oh, I dare.

Looks like I'm singing.

Fine, if that's the way you wanna win... by cheating.

(Scoffs)

Am I right, son?

You got it, mom.

Mommy loves you.

I love you too, mommy.

See?

(Clears throat) Uh, hello.

Orchard Lane friends and family, well, just friends 'cause my family's in Florida.

Please don't rob us.

Anyway, well, I grew up over there, but what many of you probably don't know is I spent my life in love with the boy who lived over there, Ben Wheeler.

And not much has changed, so I want the world to know exactly how I feel about him.

("Kiss me" playing)

♪ Kiss me ♪
♪ Down by the broken tree house ♪
♪ Swing me ♪
♪ Upon its hanging tire ♪
♪ Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat ♪
♪ We'll take the trail marked on your father's map ♪
♪ Oh, kiss me... ♪

Don't even worry about it.

I so got this.

What's that?

Some of your chili.

What?!

(Raspily) Hot! Hot!

No! (Mumbles)

Oh. Oh!

♪ Lift your open hand ♪
♪ Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance ♪

♪ Silver moon sparkling ♪

♪ and kiss me... ♪

(Coughs, gasps)

(Raspily) Water! Just get...

Oh come on!

This isn't about you! Okay, I gotta do something!

I gotta put an end to this!

Oh God. Oh! The power.

(Groaning)

(Singing continues)


Hey, don't touch that!

Oh, shut up, Tonya.

(Electricity crackles)

(Feedback)

(Fireworks exploding)

(Flames whoosh)


Both: My house!

(Shouting) Boys, pack up the station wagon!

We're getting the hell outta here!

Oh my God, that was totally insane.

I loved it.

Are they all like that?

Yeah, pretty much... my mom gets in a fight and somebody pulls out a hose.

Now I think it's my turn to ask.

Is everything all right with you?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I guess I'm just thinking about stuff.

Us.

All good things, I hope.

I think I'm going to say no to Paris.

No, you can't do that.

Danny, I want to see if we can make this work.

So do I.

What if I came with you?

(Chuckles) Come with me to Paris?

I'm supposed to leave next week.

I'm in. The season just ended. It's perfect.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

It's time I tried something new.

Okay, no peeking.

Fine, but when I open my eyes, you better have pants on.

(Chuckles) All right. And open your eyes.

Oh my God.

Are you serious?

Well, you said you felt safe there.

This is my way of saying you'll always be safe with me.

(Chuckles) How did you even get this up here?

Blood, sweat and a lot of Danny.

And now may I offer you a glass of...

(snaps) I managed to remember the tree house, but actually forgot the wine. I'll be right back.

Hey.

Hey.

This... this is amazing.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

(Sighs) So is everything okay with you and Ben now?

Yeah. Yeah, I think it actually is.

Good, because I need to know someone's taking care of you when I leave.

Leave?

Where are you going?

Georgie's moving to Paris and I've decided to go with her.

(Laughs) Paris?

For how long?

I don't know. I guess I'm just gonna kinda see what happens.

But what about me?

You?

You've got Ben now.

He's your future.

I need to see if Georgie's mine.

(Sniffles)

Did you break this?

(Sighs)

Probably just happened in the move.

(Crying)

Why are you crying?

I don't know.

I guess...

I just can't imagine not having you in my life.

It's gonna be okay. You'll be fine.

Goodbye, Riley.

She's all yours.

(Mutters) Is she?

Here's a life lesson for you, Emma.

Fight for what you believe in, and who says you can't go home again?

Well, the Applewhites and the police.

Ah. Yeah, I actually won this platter fair-ish and square-ish.

I believe it's called broke-ish and entered-ish.

You know, I don't say this lightly, Tucker, but I did enjoy having you as a son for the day.

Thank you. And it was great being an honorary Wheeler for the day.

(Chuckles) Made me appreciate my own family a lot more.

You know what? I take that back.

You take what back?
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