02x19 - Zombie Boyfriend

[bunniefuu]

No! Look, if you let go of the controller, it'll make the b*mb go off.

What do I do?

I can't hold it much longer... my hand's cramping up!

Do something!

We need to save him from doom, bring Phillip to my room.

Ahhhhhh!

Ahhhhhh!

Jax, you better not hurt Phillip!

Why can't you get the door open?

Picking locks is your thing!

I'm too upset to pick a lock!

Don't panic!

Panicking is my thing.

All right, all right.

Are you panicking because you're about to meet Phillip?

Can't you just cast a spell?

Before Andi has a cow, open this door now.

Wait!

How do I look?

Get in there!

Jax!

About time!

He almost bit me!

Zap him!

No!

Andi, don't.

Phillip.

A... a... an... di.

Get rid of him, Emma!

He's gonna eat us!

No, it's okay!

He's gonna eat her!

From where you att*ck, you have to go back!

Nooooo!

Andi?

An-di?

He's getting away!

Oh, no.

Where did I just send Andi?

♪ I cast a spell ♪
♪ it takes a hold of you ♪
♪ I see my dreams ♪
♪ and they're all coming true ♪
♪ come on, let's go ♪
♪ you and me together ♪
♪ look up ahead ♪
♪ there's a magical adventure ♪
♪ Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ I'm trying Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ I'm going Every Witch Way, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Every Witch Way ♪

He's gone.

Forget him!

Where's Andi?

Andi: Hey, guys, over here!

The video game.

Oh, no!

Andi, I'm so sorry...

For what?

This is awesome!

You gotta hand it to her, she's awfully chipper for someone who's about to get eaten by a zombie!

Don't move!

Bring her back from where she came, take Andi right out of that game.

Agh!

Watch it!

Sorry.

Why'd you take me out so soon?

You're okay!

Okay?

That was a dream come true.

You've got some pretty bizarre dreams.

Quick, send me back in!

I wanna go find Phillip and...

Phillip!

Yeah, I wanna make sure he's not still freaking out over his trip here.

Well... uh... he didn't exactly make it back into the game.

What?

Where'd he go?

Thatta way.

He's on the loose... in Miami?

Daniel!

Have you seen a... uh... kinda pale teenage boy?

Who might have been... staggering a little?

No.

What, you looking for a zombie or something?

Oh, no.

You are looking for a zombie!

Maybe.

He's not here.

Of course, you had to be involved in this.

You told him?

He guessed.

Stop arguing.

Okay, we still need to find Phillip!

The zombie has a name?

Of course he has a name.

Long story, but we have to find him before he eats someone.

He's harmless...

Unless there's, you know, screaming or bright lights.

Then he, you know, ahhhh.

We need to cover more ground.

Andi you go look at the park, and we'll...

Why don't we just use the locator spell?

Use the locator spell.

I was just about to say that.

Great idea!

Let's go.

Now, Lily, what is this big emergency?

There's an emergency?

What is... oh.

I am so sorry.

Let me get that.

What is this?

A shoe?

Weird.

It... it's not mine.

This is Ramona's shoe.

What?

How do you know?

Ramona always sprays her shoes with a signature scent...

Roses and pepperoni.

And this... this is a page to the magic almanac with the exact hour of the last light.

What?

Why do you have the exact hour of the last light?

It's only use is...

To get magic powers and destroy the realm.

It's not mine, I swear.

It's you!

It's always been you!

You're the one who wants to destroy the realm!

I... I... no.

Don't even think about trying to outrun us.

So disappointed.

She's tricking you, agamemnon.

I would never betray the realm.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Powerless witches and their endless thirst for power.

There's too much risk at bay, for that we must send Lily away.

Are you putting lip gloss on for the zombie?

Phillip!

And, no, my lips are dry.

You do realize he's a virtual zombie, right?

Oh, come on leave alone.

Here it is... the locator spell.

I'll summon Phillip, and then send him back into the game.

Sounds like a plan.

Wait.

What?

I think he said my name back when we were in your room.

Yeah, he did.

Yeah?

And he hasn't tried to bite anyone.

That we know of.

I know he hasn't.

Look, when I hacked the game, I programmed him to have the lowest level of aggression possible.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that... maybe I wanna keep him.

What?

Andi!

No way.

He's a zombie!

A virtual zombie!

Trust me, you can do better.

But Phillip gets me!

I mean he's not afraid of my chainsaw or my ninja stars, or my overall kick-butt attitude.

I mean, how many guys can you say that about?

That's true.

You can't do it, Em.

I don't know.

I'll make you a deal.

If I summon him and he doesn't try to eat us, we can keep him around.

Deal.

Wherever he is, far or near, summon Phillip to appear right here.

Phillip.

Be careful, Andi.

Hi, Phillip.

It's okay.

Aaaa... n... d... I.

You remember me.

I told you, he's harmless.

Phillip, these are my friends.

Say hi.

Hi.

Guys, look what we got... A new shipment from grandma.

Sweet.

Where's the remote control for the foaminator?

Perfect.

We should sneak into the stage and practice triggering the bucket so we can time it to fall on Jax.

You mean Daniel.

I thought we settled this already.

We're still waiting for Tommy to break the tie.

Well, Tommy, Jax or Daniel?

Hmmm... you've both made very convincing cases.

I think I'm gonna go with... confetti.

Huh?

Who's confetti?

This is confetti!

[Laughing]

This is the best day ever.

I'll repay you the favor, I promise.

I'll do your homework for a month.

No, wait, you get better grades than me.

I'll do all your laundry.

You don't know how to do laundry.

Wha... sure I do.

Just hand it to my mom and five minutes later... all done.

What's laundry?

When you wash your clothes.

You know that you have to wash your clothes, right?

Oh, oh.

I'll teach you later.

It's okay, you don't have to do anything.

I'm just happy you're so happy.

I just can't believe he's really here.

Phillip hungry.

Oh, what do zombies eat?

Uh, never mind.

Pizza's your new number one food group.

Pizza?

You're gonna love it.

I think we have some in the fridge.

But it's jalapeño, mushroom, butterscotch.

Not one of our better combinations.

Hey, better than brains though, right?

How about I make some pancakes?

Pancakes?

Thank you.

You're right, I am so happy.

Hey, Phillip, think fast.

He is a kanay, and no self-respecting witch dates a kanay.

You're just prejudiced!

I am not!

I... I am a mother, who wants what's best for her child.

And I'm just a girl, who wants to go to the play with her proxy.

[Gasps]

You wouldn't.

In front of the entire school?

Yes.

And then we're gonna have dinner together in a restaurant in public.

[Gasping]

Preppy?

Seriously?

Andi like?

Andi like cargo pants better.

No like Phillip?

No.

No, Andi thinks Phillip is super cool...

For an un-dead preppy guy.

It was really nice of you not to send Phillip back.

Daniel left 'cause he thinks it was a mistake.

It wasn't.

I just couldn't send him back.

Andi likes him like for real real.

And she's never had a crush before, so...

Oh come on, you're the chosen one!

You can do whatever you feel like.

Even make a zombie boyfriend for your best friend.

Yeah!

So... the last light of the fool moon is coming up.

I know, I can't wait.

Maybe I can take you on a date to celebrate us getting through it?

I'd love that.

They say anything can happen on the last light of the fool moon.

We could go swimming with dolphins.

I could get my powers back.

And we could destroy the magic realm and be the last witch and wizard alive.

What?

Yes, just think about it.

We could be the most powerful beings on earth.

We could rule the world.

[Laughing]

You really had me going there.

I thought you were serious.

[Laughs] Yeah, okay.

I really got you there, didn't I?

What pizza order?

The extra large olive, bacon, peanut butter pizza?

Yeah, sorry, I'm just slammed with work here.

I'll put it in right now.

It's okay, I can wait.

Gigi's supposed to be working today, but she's Mia... again.

Does she ditch out on you a lot?

Not usually, but she's been acting all weird.

Weird... how?

Like... being super secretive and running off at random times to do things she won't tell me about.

Diego, does gigi know about magic?

Yeah, and she hates it.

She does?

My parents hired a magician for her 8th birthday.

He did this really cool magic trick... this coin magic trick...

Not that kinda magic.

Real magic like, you know, me and Maddie?

And you being a kanay?

Oh, no, she doesn't.

Well, at least I've never told her.

The other day, I teletransported into the janitor's closet, and gigi was there.

But she wasn't surprised at all that I appeared out of nowhere.

Oh, she was probably just in the zone.

What's the zone?

It's when gigi's putting together all her blog posts, and she tunes out everything around her.

The house could be on fire and she literally wouldn't even notice.

Got it.

But do you think someone else might have told her?

It's possible.

Hey, if there's anything I've learned over the past couple of years, it's that anything's possible.

And I said it's not a baby, it's a monkey.

[Laughing] Oh, that is hilarious!

[Laughing]

Um, mother?

Are you having an imaginary conversation with Mr. Alonso... again?

No, I am just laughing along with you and your friend here.

Did you just call me Maddie's friend?

Not "the yucky kanay" or "the stinky son of fire"?

Yes, yes, I did.

And now, friend, I need to have a conversation with my Maddie Winkie alone.

Proxy, make me a chocolate shake... please.

Okay.

Did you just say "please"?

Yes, it's something I've been practicing.

It's gracious bossing around.

This is just as I feared.

That boy is a terrible influence on you.

What happened to you being all nice to us two seconds ago?

That was just me using honey to lure you into my trap.

[Gasps]

That's my thing!

Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?

And as your... tree, I am ordering you, Maddie, you cannot see that boy again.

We got the same schedule.

Sweet!

Sweet!

Iridium high is a lot like desolation high in the game, but without the giant nuclear mice running around.

I..I... iridium.

This is your locker.

Right next to mine.

Hey!

Who's this?

Oh, this is my friend Phillip.

Where did you meet him?

Oh, he's part of my game... he's part of my, um, gaming group, great gamers of Miami.

Nerd alert!

Look at that zombie make-up.

So realistic.

So are you guys like boyfriend/girlfriend?

Uh, uh...

Are you guys like boyfriend/girlfriend?

Both: We gotta go!

♪

Hungry.

Again?

You just ate four extra-extra large pizzas.

More pizza.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Andi, wait.

What's up?

Tonight school play.

Oh, yeah, it is.

But we don't have to go.

Yes... go... me... you.

Are you asking me to go with you?

Yes, go... me... you.

You've already been out with him a bunch of times before.

Okay but... but this is different.

Okay, this is a... this is a date!

Calm down.

We can figure this out.

[Hyperventilating]

What am I supposed to wear?

My best overalls?

My shiniest sneakers?

Ummm... those could work.

But I think we should try something... different.

Like what?

Just leave it to me.

I'll help you look amazing.

I promise.

[Hyperventilating]

Big night, huh?

[Grunts]

She's almost ready!

She better hurry up, the play starts in one hour.

We gotta get going.

Ah, thank you.

Beautiful.

Come on, it's picture time!

Get together, get together.

Wha... where did you get that camera?

The museum?

Here we go.

[Grunting]

No more pictures, dad.

We don't wanna be late.

Yeah, let's go watch Daniel and Jax duel for you.

Andi!

Come on, guys, we don't wanna be late to your brother's show.

No, we don't.

This is gonna be one splashy show!

The ultimate show.

Tommy, what is that?

What?

That's his...

New phone!

That's his new phone.

Oh, these gadgets are getting stranger and stranger.

Oh, look, there's Francisco.

I'm gonna go say hi.

Wait here.

Did you decide yet?

Are we pranking Daniel or Jax?

♪ Me, me, me, meeeee ♪
♪ pan, pan, pan, theeeeer ♪

Hey, Jax, um, just wanted to say have a great show.

Oh, I will.

Good.

Oh and Daniel...

Stay away from Emma, she's with me now.

Maybe.

But, uh, she belongs with me.

[Orchestra music playing]

[Whispering] When Daniel stops under the trap, hit the button.

[Whispering] No, when Jax stands there!

[Whispering] We're pranking Daniel!

[Whispering] That's not what we agreed!

[Whispering] Okay, fine, we'll let Tommy decide.

Good luck, you'll need it.

What are you talking about? Romeo wins this fight.

[Laughs] We'll see.

[Audience applause]

[Whispering] I need my sword.

Mercutio, slain!

You're next!

I don't remember this from rehearsal.

Stay away from her!

Never!

Romeo, Romeo...

Missed my cue!

What's this x for?

Oh, no.