02x05 - Chuck Versus Tom Sawyer

[bunniefuu]

Stu: Stu Brewster here, and I'd like you all to meet Jeffery Barnes, the new m*ssile Command world champ.

SAN FERNANO VALLEY, 1983

VALLEY VIDEO GAME CHAMPIONSHIPS

Thanks for joining us, Jeff.

Jeff: My pleasure, Stu.

Stu: Now, Jeff, you've dedicated the last three years of your life to playing m*ssile Command.

You've managed to take a video game and raise it to a level that can only be described as an art form.

So let me ask the question on everybody's mind: What's next for Jeff Barnes?

Jeff; What's next? Uh...

I hadn't really, uh...

How can I make up my mind when I've got so many tasty options?


SAN FERNANDO VALLEY 25 YEARS LATER

Jeff: I’ve got so many tasty options

Morgan: Jeff, please.

There we go, buddy.

Score.

Big Mike:,Powwow on the sales floor.

And one of you two idiots better light a fire under Bartowski.

He's late.

Ellie: Aren't you forgetting something?

Captain awesome: It's only the most important meal of the day, bud.

Chuck: Of course!

Breakfast.

Thanks.

What did I... What is that?

What did I just drink?

Awesome: It's a ginseng protein shake.

Been used thousands of years in the East to promote Yang energy.

And let me tell you, brother, it does wonders for your wang energy.

Chuck: Great, thanks.

Ellie: Hey, where were you last night?

We heard you come stomping in at, like, 4:00 in the morning.

Chuck: Yeah, oh, yeah, it was a... it was a crazy night.

Morgan and I stole a car, and then we drove around shaking down liquor stores and smacking around hookers.

Relax, it's a video game.

Ellie: Oh, good... video games.

Awesome: Come on, El. I mean, what's one night of blowing off a little steam?

Ellie: One nights have a funny way of adding up.

I mean, what's cool when you're in college...

Captain awesome: We were just wondering... what happened to all your big plans, bro?

All that talk about backpacking across Europe, or finishing your college classes?

Chuck; You know, I just have a lot on my plate at this precise moment.

Ellie: Well, like what, precisely?

Chuck, we were happy when you decided not to move out, but shouldn't your life be moving somewhere?

Big Mike: It's time for you people to get moving around here.

Show some initiative!

Well, I've got just the guy to help.

I'd like you to meet Emmett Milbarge.

Emmett here's an efficiency expert, and he's been sent by Buy More corporate to tighten your slack-asses up.

Emmett: Thank you for your very kind words of introduction, Michael.

Big Mike; I'll be in my office.

Emmett; Well, it is just so nice to be here in...

Morgan: Burbank.

Emmett: Burbank, California.

Just a real pleasure to meet all of you in the flesh.

I personally am looking forward to spending more time here in the Buy More trenches, getting to know the rank and the file.

Unfortunately, my visit here isn't going to be all fun.

I'm going to be interviewing you, and I'm going to be evaluating you on your performance, And, perhaps, even... trimming the fat.

So... who would like to go first?

We'll just start out simple.

Why do you belong at the Buy More?

Jeff: I satisfy a quota.

My dad's part Indian.

The cool kind of Indian, though, not like Lester.

Lester: I used to be in management, myself, so I know how to grease the store's... cogs.

Emmett: "Cogs"?

Lester: Make sure they don't... squeak.

If you know what I'm saying.

ASS-KISSER

Morgan: Why do I belong at the Buy More?

You know, I'm going to have to think about that.

I'm going to go grab a soda.

And... You want one?

'Cause it's my treat.

I'll gr- I'll grab you one.

And I'll be back in a jiff.

UNTRAINABLE

Anna: I speak more than one language, binary code.

Zero, zero, zero, one, one, zero, one... zero.

prost*tute?

Lester: What would I do?

I'd just ask W-W-C-D?

"What would Chuck do? "

Emmett; Chuck?

Anna: The chain of command?

Well, there's, like, Chuck, and then there's, like, the rest of us.

Oh, and then there's Jeff.

Lester: Sometimes I... W-W-C-D-N?

"Wonder what Chuck's doing now? "

Emmett;Who represents the Buy More ideal?

Who makes the trains run on time?

Who provides your moral compass?

Who holds the team together?

Jeff: Chuck.

Anna: Chuck.

Lester; Lester... no, Chuck.

Morgan: Chuck.

Well...

I'm looking forward to meeting this Chuck fella.

If he ever decides to show up.

Morgan: Chuck, you picked one hell of a morning to be late.

Chuck; Yeah, crazy night, Morgan.

Morgan; Lover's tryst?

Say no more.

Unless you care to infuse your story with a more tawdry level of detail?

You don't. Okay, listen, there's this efficiency guy who's been looking all over for you, all right.

So if he asks, you have gallstone issues.

That's a thing, right?

Chuck; Morgan?

Emmett: Well, I had to think on my feet here, Chuck.

This Emmett guy's been busting my... preconceptions.

And helping me see the Buy More in a whole new... Hey, hello!

This is him... Chuck.

Emmett: We finally meet, Chuck.

Chuck: Hi.

SOMALIA TRAINING CAMPS DIRTY b*mb TRADE NUCLEAR WEAPONS TRAINING

Emmett: Are you feeling all right?

Chuck: No- yes!

Yes, I'm fine.

Actually on second thought, I think my gallstones are acting up, so...

Farrohk: Hi.

Do you know this man?

Chuck: No. No, never seen him before in my life.

Wait a minute. Is that one of the sweat hogs from Welcome Back, Kotter?

Farrohk: He is a Buy More employee.

Chuck: You know, he doesn't work at this store.

But you should check out one of our other 13 convenient Southern California locations.

Farrohk: Hmm...

Casey: Farrokh Bulsara, CLASSIFIED born in the Asir Province, 1974.

The past ten years, he's been hopping between training camps from Syria to Somalia.

Chuck; What does a global t*rror1st want with a nerd like Jeff?

Casey: Insightful question, Bartowski.

It's why we have an Intersect.

Sarah: We want you to approach Jeff socially.

Get to know him better and see if you can get him to open up about his past.

Chuck: You want me to hang out with Jeff?

Casey: It's either that, or we throw him in the back of a van and have an agency interrogation team go to work on him.

Chuck: Great, so it comes down to either torturing him or torturing me?

Sarah:,Looks like we got a bogey.

Ellie: Sarah?

Chuck: Is that my sister?

Sarah: Ellie, what a surprise.

Ellie: Yeah, I was just driving around I thought it'd be nice, uh...

I thought it would be nice if you and I could talk without Chuck, actually.

Sarah: Oh, okay.

Casey: Not polite to spy, Chuck.

Ellie: I would hate it if he found out that I was going behind his back like this.

Oh, well, your secret is safe with me.

Ellie: Do you know if he has any plans?

Sarah; Tonight?

Uh, actually, I think he is hanging out with Jeff.

Ellie: Nerd Herd, creepy, serial-k*ller Jeff?

Sarah; Yeah.

Ellie: I think it's time that you and I had a talk.

Emmett: I hope you enjoyed your fro-yo?

Chuck: Ha. Yeah, I was, uh, just seeing my girlfriend.

Emmett: Girlfriend? Oh...

I, too, have a special lady friend.

Henrietta.

She works in our Ontario branch, accounts payable.

She's a real tigress.

Well, now that we've gotten the topic of our love life out of the way, perhaps you'd like to sit down for our interview.

Chuck: How is tomorrow?

'Cause I'm really more of a morning person.

Emmett: I'll be the judge of that.

Chuck; Hey, buddy. Where are you going?

Jeff: What'd I do?

Chuck: Nothing! No.

You know... nothing.

Just... you know, we never really get the chance to talk.

How about we grab a beer?

Jeff: No, thanks.

I could be enticed to grab a dozen beers, however.

Chuck: It's a date.

Jeff: We can kick it at my place.

You're going to love Roscoe.

He's my ferret.

Chuck: Ooh... you know what?

I'm actually allergic to any and every member of the polecat family.

So maybe we can kick it here?

Jeff: Sure.

Lester: Hmm.

Morgan: Hmm...

Emmett: Following a thorough inspection of the branch, there seems to be no sign of intelligent life.

Jeff: May I present tonight's feature entertainment.

Chuck: You made an Anna music video?

Jeff: You like?

Chuck: Wow.

It's really-

Wow.

Jeff: I know, man.

She's my muse.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'm going to slip into my drinking pants.

Chuck: Look at that!

Abort mission. Extraction required.

The Intersect has been compromised.

Casey: Negative. Perimeter is secure.

Chuck; I'm talking about the weirdo inside the Buy More!

Ellie: I'm starting to think that there's something going on with my brother.

Sarah: Oh.

Why?

What do you mean?

Ellie: It's just everything seemed to be moving along just fine for Chuck.

And you had everything to do with that.

Sarah: Oh, thanks, but, uh, I-I can't take the credit.

Ellie: Then, I don't know, it's like... it's like he's slipping back into old Chuck mode.

You know, no confidence.

No direction. It's- it's the Morgan Years revisited.

I mean he went to Stanford, for God's sakes.

Did you know that he's 12 credits short of graduating?

12 credits short of a real life.

I know that I sound like his mother.

Just tell me that I don't have anything to worry about and I will lay off.

Jeff: Pound! Pound! Pound!

Go! Yes!

Pound! Pound!

Quit being such a lightweight!

Emmett; Resuming dictation.

Jeff: Yes! Yes!

Emmett: I'd like to report the following violation of Buy More policy: misappropriation of the home theater room, after hours consumption of alcohol.

And lewd use of a musical montage.

I'm going home at once to file this report.

Chuck: Crazy thing happened today.

Uh, some dude came into the store looking for you.

He had this goofy, old picture and everything.

Jeff: Only a matter of time, I guess.

Chuck: What?

You mean you know the guy?

Jeff; I'd imagine... he's one of my fans.

You want to see something I've never shared with anyone?

Chuck; Please don't be a p*rn.

Please, please don't be a p*rn.

Stu: And I'd like you all to meet Jeffery Barnes.

The new m*ssile Command world champ.

Chuck: m*ssile Command?

I used to kick ass at that game.

Jeff: Well, I was the best.

Stu: By breaking the all-time record, you've won $100 in quarters and a year's supply of Slim Jim's.

This prize will be presented by none other than Mr. Morimoto, CEO and chief engineer at Atari games.

Jeff: Dude, you are so wasted.

FACIAL SCANNING COMPLETE FARROKH BULSARA

Casey: What is it about bad guys and vans?

Okay.

Okay, Chuck, party's over.

Chuck: Hey, hey, I- I flashed! Some guy on the TV. He's a video...

Casey: Later, Chuck. We have guests. Out the back door. Now!

Chuck; Wait, wait, wait, wait, what about Jeff?

Casey: What about him?

We can't just leave him here.

Casey: He's deadweight.

Chuck: You weren't kidding.

Casey: Go! Go!

He pukes on my upholstery, he's gonna wish we left him with the t*rrorists.

Farrohk: Search the place.

Ellie: Should I be worried about him?

Sarah: You know, um, Chuck is, uh...

Chuck is like a duck.

Sometimes it seems like he is just gliding along, but beneath the surface, his, uh... his little feet are-are just paddling away like crazy.

Deep down, I really think Chuck is an incredibly mature and responsible guy.

Ellie; Chuck?

Chuck: Oh!

Ellie: Oh, is he okay?

Chuck: Yeah. Don't worry. This guy's feeling no pain.

Ouch.

Here we go. Here we go.

Big boy. Big boy.

Jeff: What's up, ladies?

You take the brunette.

I'm gonna take a cr*ck at the blonde.

♪♪♪

Ellie: Oh... ! Jeff!

Jeff: I'm, uh, supposed to give this to you.

Ellie: My name is jeff and I'm lost okay.

Is that your address?

Jeff: Yeah.

Ellie: All right, we're gonna get you a cab.

Chuck: Already have. Already here. Thank you.

Great. Awesome. Come on, Jeff.

That was a great time last night, huh?

You got smashed and passed out, and we just watched, and it was really awkward.

Okay, here you go, buddy.

Get home safe.

Ellie; Chuck.

Chuck: We're about to have one of those conversations, aren't we?

Ellie: Well, if I wasn't worried enough, last night's performance was...

Chuck: Not... Not one of my proudest moments.

Ellie: Uh-uh.

I feel like you left all those back at Stanford.

I'm sorry. I just...

You were so close to graduating.

You know, maybe if you just went back and finished, you could move on to the next phase.

I mean, if the world were gonna end today, why would you want to... ?

Chuck: I- I hear you.

I really do.

But all those goals I used to have-

I still have 'em.

Ellie: Okay.

Chuck; Hey, sis?

The world's not gonna end today.

I have very reliable sources.

Wild night, huh, buddy?

Jeff: Nah. Pretty standard Tuesday.

Lester: This is bad. This is very bad.

Can't you see that we're losing them, man?

I'm your best friend, Jeff.

No, I'm your best friend, Chuck!

Oh, isn't life grand!

Maybe we should form an alliance.

You and me could be best friends?

Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude.

Let's not, uh...

Let's not panic here, okay?

Jeff: Thanks, man.

Chuck: Well, you know...

Jeff: It was very comfortable.

Sure.

Sarah: Excuse me.

We need to talk.

Chuck: My sister thinks I'm an idiot, I know.

Sarah: Actually, we just got some fresh intel on your favorite video game designer.

There were a few things Morimoto left out of his bio.

Casey: Yeah. Guy secretly worked for Japanese m*llitary.

In 1980, they launched Morimoto's first-generation weapons satellite.

Chuck; The guy who created m*ssile Command commands actual missiles?

Casey: Via satellite.

Sarah; It's still up there- dormant, but presumed operational.

Casey; Anyone knows how to fire that puppy up, it's Morimoto.

Chuck; And you think he's working with Farrokh and the t*rrorists?

Casey: Well, he hasn't been seen in years.

We captured this image outside Morimoto's office about an hour ago.

Chuck: What about Jeff?

How is he supposed to be involved in all this?

Sarah:,The only way to find out is to get into Atari headquarters.

Casey: Security's going to be tight.

Sarah: But if we don't secure the satellite, then Jeff's safety is gonna be the least of our concerns.

So how do you want to do this?

Chuck: Guys...

I have an idea.

All right, be cool, Casey.

Casey: Have you seen what I'm wearing?

Chuck; Just let me do the talking, okay?

These are my people- programmers, nerds.

And right now, their network is being att*cked by a particularly nasty virus.

Back at Stanford, we called it the Bartowski special.

Casey: Yeah, real cool there, Chuck.

Damn computers are out all over the building.

Chuck: Gentlemen, excuse me.

What do you want?

Chuck: We heard you're having a computer problem.

Someone called. Bill?

Bob... I can't remember, exactly; it was a very common name.

Yeah, we got it covered.

Chuck: Mind if I take a peek?

Look, nerd, Atari has more Ph. D. s than friggin' Microsoft.

Yeah. Why don't you help some old lady log onto AOL?

Nice one. Ooh!

Casey: Plan B.

Sarah: Hi.

I hear you're having a computer problem.

Chuck: See, if I could just get onto that terminal, I could set off the fire alarm, I could crash the power, create a diversion.

Casey:,Or we could just take the stairs.

Looks like Agent Walker's got the diversion pretty well covered.

Chuck; Sarah doesn't even know how to fix a computer.

The second she touches that machine, our cover's blown.

The CPUs have been massively overvolted, but we may be able to ghost the drive on another system.

The more elegant solution would be to flash the BIOS and swap out the cooked CPU.

Sarah: What are you guys waiting for?

Casey; Okay. I'm gonna see if I can find another way into the penthouse.

You wait here where it's safe.

Chuck: This place is creepy.

So creepy.

Farrohk: Well, if it isn't my friend from the Buy More.

What a funny coincidence finding you here.

Chuck: Yeah, it's freakin' hilarious.

What a small world, right?

I got a... I got a call about a computer that was acting up here, and so...

In fact, is this the right floor?

I don't even know if it's...

Farrohk: You have the correct floor.

This way. Please.

Chuck: You know if you're busy, I can come back another time.

Farrohk; Uh-uh. Your timing was perfect.

I hope the machine doesn't give you too much trouble.

♪ What you say about his company ♪
♪ Is what you say about society ♪
♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪
♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift ♪

Morimoto: You should not be here.

Chuck: Um, uh...

♪ The world is, the world is... ♪

Mr. Morimoto?

You listening to Rush?

Morimoto: You are too late.

He took the code.

Who are they, t*rrorists?

I knew I should've never hidden the numbers inside the machine.

Chuck: You hid the satellite code inside a game of m*ssile Command?

Morimoto: Every game, hidden in the final board.

The k*ll screen.

A secret level only I could achieve.

The mathematics underlying the final board are too advanced.

It's like the music of the universe.

Casey: Hands up.

I am sorry, I cannot do that.

Casey; What's going on here, Chuck?

Chuck; Wait.

Wait, if the bad guys have the code, why are you still playing the game?

Casey; Uh-oh.

Morimoto: We're running out of time!

SAVE YOURSELVES!

Casey: Let's get out of here, Chuck.

Chuck: No, we can't just leave him here.

Casey: Not this time.

Chuck: No, no, no, wait!

Go, go, go! It's a... wait, wait!

Casey: THE END General, we're sorry to report that Farrokh and his team have the code.

Chuck: That, and they m*rder*d Morimoto.

Beckman: That means that your duties are no longer required on this operation.

Casey, we're turning this matter over to the 30th Space Wing at Vandenberg.

Sarah: Wait, you're launching an ICBM?

You think you can sh**t down that satellite before it sh**t us?

Beckman: Morimoto's satellite will be passing over California in four hours.

Best case, we sh**t it down off the coast before its own missiles are armed.

The satellite falls to Earth with acceptable civilian casualties.

Chuck: Wait a second, acceptable what?

I'd like to hear the bad version.

Beckman: We miss.

Chuck: What happens then?

Sarah: Farrokh uses Morimoto's satellite to start World w*r III.

Chuck: Hey, what about the... what about the k*ll screen?

Beckman: Excuse me? -

Chuck: m*ssile Command - Morimoto said that the code is hidden in every arcade game.

If we can get to the k*ll screen, we can get the code, and then we can take control of the satellite.

Beckman: We'll have our engineers take a...

Chuck: No, look, the only way to get the code is by b*ating the game, and the only person who can b*at the game...

Casey: Is b*rned to a crisp.

Chuck: I was talking about Jeff.

Casey: So was I.

Beckman: Casey, you coordinate with the Air Force while Mr. Bartowski pursues his... contingency plan.

But I promise you, one way or another, I am bringing that satellite down.

Jeff: You want me to come out of m*ssile Command retirement?

You're serious?

Chuck: Deadly.

Jeff: I don't know, man.

Chuck: Come on, what's the problem?

Jeff: I guess I'm just cool with resting on my laurels and whatnot.

Chuck; But Jeff... you could be the first guy to ever get to the k*ll screen.

Jeff: Listen, it doesn't exist.

The k*ll screen's just a myth.

Chuck: I promise you, it's real, and you're the only one who can do it.

Jeff: I'm a little out of shape, mentally.

Chuck: Jeff, it's just a stupid video game!

Jeff: That's where you're wrong, Chuck.

It's more than a game.

Besides, what do you care whether I play or not?

Chuck: I guess I was just really moved by what you said last night.

Jeff; Huh?

Chuck: Oh, you remember.

Come on.

How you were sick and tired of busting your ass at this stupid store.

How you had this incredible gift that you couldn't wait for the world to see.

Jeff: Really? I said that?

Chuck: Sure you did, Jeff.

Jeff: About m*ssile Command?

Chuck: You were very compelling.

Jeff: Okay, I'll do it.

I'll play.

Buddy...

But first, I'm gonna need provisions.

I need two bottles grape cough syrup, one pound M&Ms, no brown, and my lucky arcade game from the Gas 'N Sip in Tarzana.

Casey: Done.

Chuck:Really?

Jeff: I want Anna wearing a hula skirt fanning me with a palm frond.

Casey: HUH?

Jeff: I sweat profusely when I play.

And finally, I need a crowd.

I want you to get some of my old fans back.

Casey: Come on.

The people that were into that game are in their 40s now.

They have jobs, and wives, and kids and...

Chuck: Hey, hey, hey- Morgan, buddy.

Can you give me a hand with this?

Morgan: Why don't you just go ask your buddy, Jeff?

Chuck: He's in the break room.

We're putting together this like video game exhibition-thingy this afternoon.

Jeff's gonna make a run at the all-time m*ssile Command high score.

Morgan: Whoa.

Chuck: Hey, where are you going?

Morgan: Sounds like you two guys got it all worked out.

Morgan, I desperately need your help, okay?

Chuck: If Jeff doesn't break the m*ssile Command record...

Morgan: What, Chuck? The world's gonna end?

Chuck; Look, all I know is that I need your help.

Okay, I can't do this without you, buddy.

I can't.

Hey, hey, was Jeff... was Jeff the president of his high school audio/video club?

Doubt it.

Was Jeff a roadie for Mamma Mia for four straight summers?

Does Jeff own his own smoke machine?

Morgan: No, but I do. Okay.

Chuck: Huh?

Morgan: Jeff is a loser, dude.

I'll see what I can do.

Chuck: You're the best, buddy.

Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend.

Morgan: Oh, dude, she's all yours.

Great.

JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION!

Reporter: m*ssile COMMAND JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION! m*ssile COMMAND THE GREAT ONE RETURNS JEFF BARNES AT BUY MORE ASAP!

Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!

Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!

I'm here at a Burbank electronics store where a local man prepares to break the m*ssile Command record.

BLAST FROM THE PAST A FADING STAR SEEKS NEW GLORY

Now for those of you who weren't around a quarter century ago, Jeffrey Barnes first made his mark on... way back in 1983.

Chuck: Sarah, Sarah- I know where Farrokh is.

The t*rrorists are using a television station to control the satellite; they're here in L.A.

Sarah: Chuck flashed.

He knows where they're controlling the satellite.

There is still time before the satellite is in range.

Casey: Maybe Chuck's right, but there's nothing you can do to stop it without the code.

Sarah: Well, I'm going to go to the news station.

Casey: Knock yourself out. I have my orders.

33 minutes and five seconds, this finger gonna push that button.

Sarah: Hmm. I'll call you from the road.

Casey: Agent Walker.

Sarah: Yes.

Casey: Who do you trust to bring down a rogue satellite more: some burnout loser playing a video game or an Air Force ICBM?

Sarah: I trust Chuck.

Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!

Stu: I'd like you all to meet Jeffrey Barnes.

Jeff: Uh...

Stu: m*ssile Command world champ.

Jeff: I don't feel so hot.

Chuck: What? No, no, no.

You're gonna be great. You look great.

You're gonna k*ll it, buddy.

Jeff: What was I thinking, man?

No one can get the k*ll screen.

I can't handle the math.

Stu: You've dedicated three years of your life to playing m*ssile Command.

Jeff: It's too heavy.

It feels like my brain is about to...

What's next for Jeff Barnes, m*ssile Command world champ?

Lester: Get up for a second.

Hey.

Anna: I'll get some water.

Morgan:Hey, we-we-we need to take care of this.

Yeah. Here I come.

Chuck; Hey, hey.

Come on, buddy, come on!

Wake up, buddy! You got to play!

You got to get the k*ll screen, you got to get the code.

If we don't stop that satellite, they're gonna launch some crazy m*ssile into space and then-then... then it's World w*r III.

Acceptable civilian casualties.

Oh, my God.

Ellie: Hey, Chuck, what's up?

Chuck: Hey, I was thinking, why don't you guys get out of town, maybe Palm Springs, you and Awesome just get out of town.

Now, actually, would be a great time.

Trip's on me, you know.

Early wedding present.

Ellie; Wait a minute.

Are you trying to get rid of me?

Chuck: No, no, I just thought it'd be nice.

Ellie: What's gotten into you?

Chuck: I don't know.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I- I know I've been a bit of a disappointment lately.

I- I-I want you to be proud of me.

I just... I ran out of time, that's all.

Ellie: Why don't we talk about this when you get home?

Chuck: I got to run.

I love you, Ellie.

Ellie; Honey, do you think my brother's on dr*gs?

Awesome: That'd explain a lot.

Morgan: They're going nuts out there, okay?

These nerds are gonna tear this joint apart.

You got to do something.

Chuck: What am I supposed to do?

Morgan: Well, they came to see video game greatness.

Someone better deliver.

Ladies and gentlemen... or Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the challenger.

Hailing from the City of Angels, the Master of Disaster...

What's going on?

... the King of Sting, the Dancing Destroyer, Charles Irving Bartowski!

Crowd; Who is this guy?

Where's Jeff Barnes?

Emmett;,Who authorized this?

This is an abomination.

THE END

Crowd; You suck, Bartowski.

Chuck: Are you listening to Rush?

Morimoto: Music of the universe.

Chuck; m*ssile Command.

The mathematical pattern underlying the game is exactly the same as-

Morgan.

Hey, uh, buddy, do, do we carry any Rush CDs in the store?

Morgan: No need, I got 'em all on my Zune.

Chuck: You have a Zune?

Morgan; Are you kidding me? No. No, I'll grab my iPod.

Chuck: Good, good, good, I have, I have a very, very special request.

On my mark.

Three, two, one.

Mark!

♪ A modern-day warrior-mean, mean stride ♪
♪ Today's Tom Sawyer-mean, mean pride... ♪
♪ Though his mind is not for rent ♪
♪ Don't put him down as arrogant ♪
♪ His reserve, a quiet defense ♪
♪ Riding out the day's events ♪
♪ The river... ♪

Welcome to Strategic Air Command, Major Casey.

♪ What you say about his company ♪
♪ Is what you say about society ♪
♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪
♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift... ♪

Engaging telemetry.

Arming warhead.

And opening silo door.

♪ No, his mind is not for rent ♪
♪ To any God or government ♪
♪ Always hopeful, yet discontent ♪
♪ He knows changes aren't permanent... ♪

Sarah: Give me the code.

It was destroyed.

Chuck: I'm gonna do this.

Fahrohk: No one can stop the satellite now!

Sarah: Tell me what the target is.

What's the satellite aimed at?

Fahrohk: Why?

It doesn't matter.

No one will remember who threw the first stone.

Chuck: Oh, my God.

Crowd member; Gentlemen, we have a k*ll screen.

Chuck: I got this.

Target's to range.

Releasing synchronized safeties.

On my mark.

Three, two, one, mark.

CONGRATULATIONS, MR. MORIMOTO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN? YES NO NO OZPGSB

Fire when ready, sir.

Sarah: Chuck, what's happening?

Chuck: Sarah, I did it!

I did it, I b*at the game.

I got to the k*ll screen.

I got the code!

The game- it follows a pattern.

It's just like Mr. Morimoto said- the music of the universe.

Sarah: Chuck, just give me the code.

Chuck: Oscar...

Zelda...

Penguin...

Gamma...

Sector...

Bob...

WEAPONS SEQUENCE TERMINATED

Oh, my God.

Satellite's powering down.

Terminate launch sequence.

Casey: This bogey's bugging out and going home.

Damn.

Sarah: You did it, Chuck.

It worked!

How does it feel to be a hero, Mr. Bartowski?

Oh. Oh.

Big Mike: Looks like you fools had one hell of a party.

Congratulations, Bartowski.

That's quite an achievement.

And in light of today's events, I'd like to announce there's a new assistant manager amongst us.

Morgan: What'd I tell you, man?

It's all coming up Bartowski.

Big Mike: You all remember Mr. Emmett Milbarge.

Mr. Milbarge has volunteered to stay on for... well, as long as it takes.

Emmett: That's right, Michael.

I'm afraid this branch is sick.

And not the kind of sick that can be fixed with a Band-Aid.

What this Buy More needs requires a surgeon.

Someone who doesn't mind getting up to their elbows in guts.

Mmm.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna reach in, wrap my fingers around the disease, and rip... it... out.

Chuck: How you feeling, buddy?

Jeff: Better.

Chuck: Good.

Jeff: Thanks.

So...

m*ssile Command champion.

Chuck: I got lucky.

You know.

Jeff: Congrats.

I'm glad it was you.

Chuck: I mean, you're sure you're not...

Jeff:,Me? Uh-uh.

I'm cool.

Being number one is a real bitch.

Feels like the whole world is gunning for you, sometimes.

Chuck: I can imagine.

Jeff: So, what was it like?

The k*ll screen?

Forget it.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Ellie: Oh, I am so proud of you!

Chuck: Hey, relax.

It's just a video game.

Granted, I am the best m*ssile Commander in the world.

Ellie: I'm not talking about a stupid video game.

I'm talking about this.

Sarah told us what's inside.

Chuck: My diploma?

Ellie: Well, don't act so surprised.

Awesome: You sly dog.

Sarah also told us about what you've been doing behind our backs.

Chuck: She did?

Really?

Awesome: Yeah. No wonder you've been such a mess this past year.

Ellie: Why didn't you tell us that you were taking online courses?

Chuck: Oh!

Oh, right... that.

Awesome: You two kids have some celebrating to do.

She's waiting out back.

You'll thank me for that ginseng shake in the morning.

Ellie: You really surprised me, Charles.

Chuck; Well, thanks for my fake diploma.

Sarah: What do you mean?

Chuck: I get it.

You know, you had one of your CIA pal's doctor it up to get Ellie off my back.

Sarah: It's real, Chuck.

Chuck; Come on.

Sarah: I'm serious. You graduated.

Chuck: What about my last 12 credits?

Sarah: Well, Casey and I decided that your exceptional field service ought to count for something and Stanford agreed.

Chuck; Huh.

And by exceptional, you mean, like, uh, I don't know, decrypting weapons-satellite codes?

Sarah: Electrical Engineering.

Chuck; Or running away from exploding games of m*ssile Command?

Sarah: Physical Education.

You earned it, Chuck.

Chuck: Thank you.

Sarah: You see that star out there on the horizon?

That's the Air Force bouncing Morimoto's satellite off the atmosphere and burning it up.

Make a wish.

It's yours.

Jeff: Hey, bud.

Let's party.