02x15 - Chuck Versus the Beefcake

[bunniefuu]

Chuck: Hey, I'm Chuck. Here's a couple of things you might need to know or maybe you just forgot.

Ellie: You guys aren't breaking up, are you?

Sarah: I'm gonna need that back.

Chuck: Sarah and I are never gonna be anything more than what we are right now.

We think Chuck could have FULCRUM programin in his brain.

(clanging)

(groans) Casey: Who's the stiff?

Beckman: The corpse was dug up from a CIA dump site.

The grave belonged to Brad White.

Sarah: That's one of the FULCRUM agents who ran the Intersect test on Chuck.

Why would they rob his grave?

Beckman: That's what we need you to find out.

We picked up chatter that whatever they took is potentially game-changing intelligence.

Casey: You want us to grab Chuck, keep him underground?

Beckman: I don't think that's necessary yet, but keep a close eye on the asset until we have further information.

Don't let him out of your sight.

(buzzing)

Ellie: Chuck, it's Sarah.

Don't you want to answer it?

Chuck: Oh, you know, I'm going to... see her later anyway, so...

Captain: Yeah.

Sometimes you got to play hard to get.

Cold and detached is a very powerful aphrodisiac, babe.

Ellie: So is abstinence.

You want to try it?

Devon: Not getting involved.

Ellie: Chuck, the other night, you said some pretty heavy things about Sarah, about her not being the one.

Chuck: Well, you know, I mean, we've got our issues.

But don't... don't worry, sis; it will all work itself out.

Ellie: No, Chuck, it won't.

That's what you always say, you know.

You have to take control of your life if you want to move forward.

You said you'd work at the Buy More temporarily.

It's been... it's been five years.

Chuck: It's-it's just... it's not so easy breaking up with Sarah Walker, you know.

It's, uh... it's a little complicated.

Ellie: I know.

I know, and I love Sarah.

I just think that if she's not the one, you got to tell her.

You're not just hurting her.

You're hurting yourself.

Morgan: Dude, do you have any idea what it's like to be in a relationship that's so upsetting that it just keeps you up at night?

Chuck: Vaguely familiar.

Morgan: I don't think you do, man.

All right, look at me.

I haven't slept in days.

You know, if I don't get at least 12 hours, I'm a basket case.

Chuck: Something wrong with you and Anna?

Morgan: She's out of town. We're actually really good.

No, it's my mom and Big Mike, dude.

They're like teenagers.

They just keep going at it and keep going at it.

The man moans like a wounded sea lion.

(both shiver, sigh)

Anyway, listen, I was just wondering if I could just crash with you for a little till this whole thing blows over. (phone ringing)

Chuck: Uh... uh, yeah.

You know what, buddy, I'll run it by Ellie and Awesome.

Morgan: Thank you, thank you.

(phone continues ringing)

Sarah: Screening my calls?

Chuck; Hey... no, no.

Uh, no.

Yes, a little.

I've been meaning to talk to you.

I just... I was waiting for the right time, and I've been really slammed here at work.

Sarah: Can I buy you a frozen yogurt?

Chuck; Sure.

Sarah: So, what did you want to talk about?

Chuck: You can go first.

Sarah: Well, mine's spy-related, and I have a feeling yours isn't.

Chuck: Um...

(clears throat) I... I wanted to talk about us.

Sarah; You want to break up again.

I caught some chatter through bites of cereal on the surveillance tap.

Sorry, it's an occupational hazard.

Chuck: Um... of course.

Look...

Sarah, it's not you.

It's me.

Casey: Probably not the best idea to give the "It's not you, it's me" speech to a trained assassin wielding a Kn*fe.

Chuck; I was warming up into more original terrain.

Can you give us a minute, please, Casey?

Um... look, Sarah, you know how much I care about you.

It-it's just getting... it's getting so complicated lying to my sister and my... and my friends. Sometimes, I don't even know what lie I'm telling.

Sarah: Look, tell them we're taking things slowly and that while we enjoy each other's company, we don't really feel the need to label it, and who knows what the future holds for us?

Chuck: But that's... that's just another lie, isn't it?

We'll never really be together.

Exactly.

Exactly, and that's why I think we should break up.

Sarah: Is that what you really want?

Chuck: Yes, it is.

Casey: Great... most annoying romance of my life is finally over.

Downstairs now.

Come on.

Beckmam: We were able to lift a print off the body bag.

It seems the grave was robbed by a FULCRUM agent, Cole Barker.

Casey: Seems like a real ladies' man.

Beckman: He arrived at LAX this morning and took a cab to the Standard Hotel.

We suspect that's where he's going to meet his FULCRUM contact later and make a handoff.

Agent Walker will attempt to retrieve the intelligence he's carrying using any means necessary.

That's all.

Chuck: Hey, can... can we... can we get a little closer on this picture of Cole, maybe push in on his...

"groinal" area?

Casey: What, you seeing something you like down there, Bartowski?

Chuck: Oh.

Okay, I just flashed, and the intelligence is in Cole's belt buckle.


Casey; Huh

Well, you're going to have to get his pants off, huh, Walker?

Good thing Bartowski dumped you.

(tires screeching)

♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪
♪ Na-na na-na na-na ♪

(whimpers)

Big mike: Grimes.

Or should I call you son?

Who the hell are all those geeks over there at the customer service desk?

Morgan; You were supposed to hire a new green shirt today.

Big mike: You want to do the interview?

Get a little taste of what the power of management is?

Hmm.

Morgan: Why can't you do it?

Big mike: Well, your mama asked me to stop by the house today and take care of a few things.

There hasn't been a man around there in a while, and certain things have become... (clears throat) neglected.

Jeff: Like what?

(sighs)

Big mike: Uh, the... the plumbing's a mess.

I got to get over there, and I got to lay down some pipe.

I got to snake the drains, make sure everything is running smoothly again.

Lester: Oh, God.

Big mike: You're in charge, son.

Just think.

All this could be yours some day.

(groans)

Jeff; I wish we could hire a green shirt that looked like that.

Lester: Hey, buddy, if you got too much on your plate emotionally, Jeff and I can help out with the interviews.

Morgan: That's, um, oddly sensitive of you and I appreciate it-- thank you.

Lester: Absolutely.

You know what I'm thinking?

Casting couch.

Jeff: I kind of like her.

And her.

Wait... why are these babes going to get busy with us again?

Lester: The casting couch is a long-honored tradition between men and women, Jeffrey.

We offer fame and fortune.

They offer themselves.

Jeff: For a job as a green shirt?

Lester: Ah... for the opportunity of a lifetime.

A high-paying modeling job at Burbank's finest electronics store.

May I present to you... the Buy More babe.

(sighs)

Jeff: Lester, you're a genius.

♪ ♪

Casey: Game on.

Beefcake just stepped in.

♪ ♪

Chuck: Where is his contact?

Casey: Do I have an Intersect in my head? Look around.

We don't have much time here, Walker, so get to his room.

Get his belt off.

Make it a quickie.

Chuck: M-maybe there's a... maybe there's a... (clears throat) maybe there's a better way to do this.

You know, throw a sack over his head, drag him outside.

Come on, Casey, you're always... you're always up for a good mugging.

Casey: Can't risk his contact seeing it.

What's the matter, Bartowski?

Afraid of a little competition?

(ice rattling)

Ellie: Morgan, what are you doing here?

Morgan: Chuck didn't tell you?

(sighs): Oh, man.

This is kind of embarrassing.

My mom is, uh... romantically involved with my boss from work.

So I need a place to stay.

Devon: Big Mike's boning Bolonia?

Ellie: Gross, honey. Morgan, look, uh...

Morgan: No, listen, El, El... it'll just be for a few days.

Okay, and I promise I will earn my keep.

I've already taken the liberty of drawing a very hot bubble bath.

And ice-cold martinis.

Dry with... olives!

Devon: Well, thank you.

Morgan: Now, off to the tub with you, all right?

The roast will be out of the oven soon.

Ellie: A roast is in the oven.

♪ ♪

Casey: Cole's FULCRUM contact's going to be here any minute.

Time to let it all hang out, hmm?

Chuck: I'm just wondering if it's safe for Sarah to be alone with such a dangerous guy.

Sarah; It's okay, Chuck. I've got protection.

And besides, we have a safe word.

If I ask for any Cristal champagne, Casey will know I'm in trouble.

Casey: She'll be fine.

Trust me.

It's not like it's her first time.

Sarah:,Hi.

I noticed you sitting alone.

Cole: Very observant.

Sarah: Do you want some company?

Cole: Not really.

Sarah: Well, neither do I.

But, uh, the problem is, if I sit alone at the bar, then every guy in here is going to think I'm lonely and desperate, and try and take a sh*t at a total stranger.

Cole: Isn't that what you're doing right now?

Sarah: Guilty as charged.

Cole: If we're going to continue this conversation, I think I should make one thing abundantly clear.

I'm not a very nice guy.

Sarah: Good... 'cause I'm not into nice guys.

Cole: Really?

Why is that?

Sarah: Well, all they want to do is talk about their feelings and emotions, and sometimes what a woman really wants is a man who acts.

Cole: Well, then why don't we stop talking and take this up to my room?

You have my word: nothing nice will happen.

Casey: Good girl, Walker.

♪ ♪

Sarah: What floor?

Cole: Hit 11.

Morgan: Here we go. Hot plate.

Devon: This is incredible, Morgan.

It is truly awesome.

Morgan: Yes!

You know, food is kind of like a seductress.

You know? Um... let me give you a little tidbit.

I, uh, I scored Anna by serving myself... ala mode.

Ah, it's just a shame that Chuck couldn't be here.

Although, I'm pretty sure he's probably enjoying his own delicious, little meal right about now.

(chuckles)

Of course I mean Sarah Walker.

Devon: Yeah, if he hasn't broken up with her yet.

Morgan: Uh, why on God's green Earth would he ever, ever break up with Sarah?

Devon: Ask Ellie.

It was her idea.

Morgan: Really?

Ellie: What?

He said that he didn't think she was the one.

Morgan: There are a few precious things I know anything about in this world.

Chuck's one of them.

Believe me, Sarah's the one.

How do you know?

Morgan: How do I know?

It's all over the kid's face.

When Chuck is around Sarah, he is the Chuck that we always dreamed of, all right?

The Chuck that has the potential to do anything in the world.

Ellie; Maybe I shouldn't have told Chuck to break up with Sarah.

Devon; Well, look at the bright side, honey: Chuck said he was moving out years ago.

It'll probably be years before he gets around to breaking up with her.

SARAH (over earpiece): Which room is yours?

COLE (over earpiece): 1121.

It's a suite with a fantastic view, giant king-sized bed and a Jacuzzi tub.

Casey: You okay?

Chuck; Who me? Yeah, yeah.

I'm-I'm fine. Just curious if I'll be home in time for Charlie Rose.

Casey: Maybe you shouldn't listen.

Let's take that earwig.

Chuck: I will listen in case I flash on something.

(gasps)

Like right now.

Casey! Casey, the two suits getting into the elevator right now; they're FULCRUM.

They could be the contact.

Casey: You stay here.

I'll handle this.

Hey, guys.

Could you hit 8?

COLE (over earwig): Here we are.

Not so fast, honey.

Sarah: I usually don't do this on a first date.

Cole: Right, me, either.

Oh-ho!

Cole: Oh, yeah.

(both moaning)

Sarah: Let me get a little something from my purse.

Cole: I've got everything we need.

Cole: I hope this isn't too rough.

Sarah: We're just getting started.

Cole: Oh, yeah...

Chuck: Uh, bartender, something really strong, please.

Sarah: Let's get this belt off.

Cole: Sure thing

Sarah: Whoa, slow down, tiger.

Cole: I told you I wasn't a nice guy.

(beeps, elevator bell dings)

Casey: Okay, hands up! NSA.

It'll be okay, ma'am.

Step off the elevator with your baby.

Please, just don't sh**t.

k*ll him

Sarah: I'm, uh... I'm willing to try new things, but it's, uh, it's getting a little hot in here.

I wonder if we could maybe grab some champagne?

Maybe some Cristal?

Cole: Well, then let's get the lady some Cristal.

Chuck: Ah, tasty.

Hit me again.

(g*nsh*t, glass breaking)

Hey, I need a bottle of Cristal for suite 1121.

Chuck: Casey! Casey, I heard the safe word.

I think Sarah's in real trouble.

Casey: I got my own problems, Chuck.

Don't be a hero. Get out of here!

Sarah; Okay.

This is getting a little too dangerous for me right now.

Cole: Enough games, sweetheart.

Who do you work for?

Chuck; Hey!

Somebody order room service? Champagne?

Sarah!

Sarah!

(muffled grunting)

(groans)

Maybe you should put your dress on 'cause it's, uh... a little chilly in here.

(elevator bell dings)

Casey, we've got the belt and Agent Barker, and we're heading to the car.

Cole: You guys are making a huge mistake.

Chuck; You just keep your mouth shut and we'll deal with you later.

Cole: There won't be a later unless you don't listen to me.

You have no idea who you're dealing with.

Sarah: Do you think I'm falling for this?

Trust me, you're not that charming.

That's not our ride.

(rapid g*nf*re) Chuck, get down!

Chuck: Who are they? !

Sarah: Not ours. Okay, you stay here.

I'm going to try and pull fire away from you.

Casey, it's Sarah. We need help, now!

Sarah! Sarah!

Cole: Okay, listen to me clearly. I'm not a FULCRUM agent.

I'm MI6 working undercover.

Chuck:,Why didn't you say anything before? !

'Cole:,Cause I didn't want to blow my cover.

Chuck: How do I know you're not lying?

Cole: You don't, but if you want her to live, you don't have a choice.

(g*nf*re)

Do something or she's already dead.

Chuck: You better not be lying to me!

Cole; Get down!

Come with me if you want to live.

(grunts, thuds)

Casey: You're not going anywhere.

General Beckman (on monitor): I want to apologize to you directly, Agent Barker.

We had no record you were MI6.

Cole: You people just blew 18 months of undercover work.

Chuck: We did recover the stolen intelligence, didn't we?

I mean it wasn't... it wasn't a complete loss.

I'm just saying it wasn't a complete loss.

Cole: Whatever information is on that chip is useless without the playback device.

Sarah: Why?

Cole: FULCRUM devised a system to ensure that critical information, if intercepted, couldn't be read.

My mission was to bring the chip to my contact and find out what's on it.

To do that, we need the playback device.

Beckman: I'm ordering you to stay locked down in Castle tonight, Agent Barker, until we speak to your superiors and figure out our next move.

Agent Walker will stay with you.

Make sure you don't get yourself into any more trouble.

Cole: Well, I could think of worse ways to spend the night.

Sarah: Funny, but I can't think of any.

Chuck: You could stay at my house if you wanted to.

My best friend, Morgan, is sleeping on the sofa.

But I don't think he'd mind if you were there.

He has a beard... like yours.

(yawns)

Devon: What's up, babe?

Couldn't sleep?

Ellie: I'm worried about Chuck.

I'm afraid I shouldn't have pushed him to break up with Sarah.

Devon: Well, he's not home.

That's a good sign if you know what I mean.

Come on, I'll make you a cup of tea.

It'll help you sleep.

Whoa!

Ah!

Morgan: Evening.

Devon: Talk about low-hanging fruit.

Ellie; Oh, my God, I'm going to k*ll Chuck.

Morgan: No, didn't Chuck tell you I sleep in the buff?

I mean, that's just... hey, come on.

Big guy, where are you going?

It's not a big deal, but... you know what I'm saying.

Chuck: Right, um, so are you, are you sure that you're okay alone with this guy, 'cause I don't mind staying?

Sarah: Go home, Chuck, and get some sleep.

I'll see you in the morning.

Okay.

Cole: Oh, hey, Chuck?

You got a second?

Chuck: Uh, yeah, sure.

Cole: So, um, what's the deal with you two?

Chuck (stammering): Us two?

It's, you know, it's purely professional. Why?

Cole: Uh, 'cause she's hot.

Since there's nothing going on between you, I'm going to try and butter that muffin.

(pats back)

Chuck: Hey. Morning.

Aren't we missing a houseguest?

(groans): Oh.

Devon; Honey, honey, it'll be okay.

Your boy dropped trou last night.

Chuck; Excuse me?

Ellie; Mm-hmm.

Devon: The bearded buffoon sleeps au naturel, which I respect, just not on my couch.

Chuck: Appetite gone.

I am so, so sorry.

Ellie: Yes, let's, uh... let's just forget about it.

Did you talk to Sarah?

Chuck; I did, and we've decided that we're just going to be friends.

Ellie: Oh.

Chuck: Oh. Oh. Oh, what? What, "Oh? "

Didn't you say that I should break up with her, that I needed to move forward with my life?

Do you remember saying that?

Ellie: Yeah, I do.

I do remember saying that.

Um, I just think that once you let her go, it's gonna be really hard to get her back.

Chuck: Ba-Back? Why would I need to get her back?

Devon: What she means is that, um, a babe like her is not going to be on the market for long, bro.

Seriously, Chuck, what were you thinking?

Cole: Ah.

Good morning, darling.

How come you never came to bed last night?

Sarah; I didn't feel like sleep.

Cole: Who said anything about sleeping?

Sarah: Let me make this very clear.

I'm not interested.

Cole: Me, neither.

I just think your seduction skills could use a little work, and I'm offering my services.

Sarah; Well, you seemed pretty reluctant in your hotel suite last night.

Cole: Well, I didn't want to blow the cover.

Chuck: Sarah? Cole?

Cole.

(beeping)

(computer chirps)

Cole: Look, I'm not saying you don't possess the necessary instruments.

You've just been a bit out of practice.

I mean, look at this place.

Locked up in this dungeon.

It's like keeping a Boticelli in the basement.

No one can appreciate the beauty.

Sarah: Get dressed.

Cole: As you wish.

Casey: Oh. Impressive.

Uh...

Come here.

Chuck; What?

Jeff: I'm gonna think about it some more.

Next applicant.

Woman: So, my agent says that the salary is between four and seven figures?

Lester: We are not at liberty to discuss numbers, I'm afraid.

Jeff: It means it's... completely negotiable.

Are you not wearing any underwear?

Jeff: I don't know. Am I?

Woman: I'm confused.

Are you the owners?

Lester: No. No, no, no, no, no.

Our acquaintance's mother is sleeping with the store manager, so, basically...

Jeff: Don't think of us as bosses.

Think of us as bosses with privileges.

Jeff:,Does your building have a security access code? (laughs)

Lester: He's just... Late-night emergencies are common in this line of work.

Blonde woman: So, if you're looking for a sales associate, then why do you need to hire a swimsuit model?

Lester: I nearly have a degree in business from the El Segundo School of Finance, so, some of these concepts might be over your head.

I have a business degree from Harvard.

Lester: Ah.

Friendly rivalry.

I'm calling my boyfriend.

Oh.

I'm calling the police.

(both muttering)

Blonde woman; Who's in charge here?

Jeff: Chuck!

Chuck!

Casey: So, if we can't open it, how do we get the playback device?

Chick: Well, maybe I can hack the chip.

I've cracked a data drive or two in my day.

Cole: Not like this.

It's a little more complicated than you and your friends stealing video games.

Casey: Yeah. Don't try to be a hero on this one, Bartowski. Leave that to the pros.

Chuck: Excuse me. I am a pro.

My job is a certified computer and electronics technician.

Great cover.

It's not his cover. It's his life.

Cole: Look, the only way we're gonna read what's on that chip is if we get the playback device.

Maybe my cover is still intact.

I'll call my contact and arrange a new meet.

Sarah: No. That's too dangerous.

Cole: Oh. It's sweet that you're worried about me, but I can handle the heat.

Sarah: It's not that I'm worried about you.

It's the intelligence that is on that chip falling into FULCRUM's hands.

Cole: Fine. I'll go without it.

Leave the chip here.

Worst case scenario: we use this opportunity to smoke out a few FULCRUM agents.

Casey: Worst case scenario: they catch you and k*ll you.

Cole: Yeah.

Well, that's a chance I'm just gonna have to take.

Chuck: Sarah, give me a chance. Maybe I can do this.

Sarah: Chuck, just go back to the Buy More.

We'll call you when it's over.

Casey: Hey, don't worry, champ.

Lots of other fish in the sea.

Huh?

And don't get cute with that chip, Bartowski.

Sarah: You sure you know how to handle that?

Cole: I think I can manage.

Sarah: Will you?

(sighs) Morgan; Oh, hey, buddy, listen.

I need you to smooth things out with your sis.

You know, just tell her...

Tell her I'll wear pajama bottoms.

Chuck: Not now, Morgan. I'm in the middle of something.

Blonde woman: Hi. Are you Chuck?

Chuck: Yeah. How can I help you?

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Chuck; Oh...

Morgan: I told Jeff and Lester to hire the new green shirt, and I guess they took a few liberties.

Chuck: I'm sure they did.

Cole: My contact is late.

I don't see him anywhere in this crowd.

Sarah: Any sign of FULCRUM?

Casey; Hard to tell. They all look the same.

Cole: There they are.

We're on.

Casey; Signal Sarah when you see the playback device.

Then we'll move in.

You got the chip?

Cole: You got the playback device?

Chuck; Someone call for a professional?

Don't tell me to leave the spy work to the spies.

(beeping) I'll show them.

Wait.

(beeping) Someone just tripped the homing device on the microchip.

This guy doesn't have it.

It's coming from Burbank.

It's a setup. k*ll him.

Sarah: Casey, g*n.

Casey: Hold your position, Walker. That's an order.

Sarah: Cole could be in danger.

Casey: He's off the grid.

We're not authorized to be here.

Get back here.

Drop it.

No, you drop it.

Don't move.

They almost fooled us until someone tried to hack into the real chip.

Casey: Bartowski.

Chuck; And they said it couldn't be done.

That's when they call in the real pros, isn't it?

Oh, my... God.

(screaming)

(crackling)

Jeff: Check it out.

The fuzz.

Lester: Oh, God...

One of those models must've actually called the cops.

I told you not to flash them, you perv!

Jeff:,The casting couch was your idea.

Chuck; Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

How can I help you?

Lester: Bartowski better lock it down.

Jeff: Let's get out of here. Yeah.

That was dumb.

Why do people always insist on doing things the hard way?

Chuck: No, no. I assure you, I, I don't.

What is the hard way?

(whimpering)

Oh, my God! This is unbearable.

My back is k*lling me; my wrists are chafing.

Cole: This is going to get ugly.

What level is his pain tolerance?

Sarah: I'd say about a one out of ten.

Chuck: A what? ! A one?

I'd say I'm at least at an eight.

Sarah; Chuck, the t*rture hasn't started yet.

Chuck; This is the pre-t*rture?

Okay, okay. Put me down for a "one. "

Sarah. Sarah.

I saw it.

I know what's on the chip.

Sarah: What?

Cole: Uh, sorry, mate, it's a bit difficult to put my fingers in my ears right now.

Sarah: It's okay, Chuck.

Chuck: I'm on it. It's me.

Sarah: Okay, we can't let FULCRUM ever find out.

No matter what they do to you, you cannot tell them.

Chuck: I can't... I can't handle t*rture, Sarah.

You see all those syringes over there?

You know how I feel about needles.

Cole: Don't worry about t*rture.

I'll incite them. Get them to k*ll us quick.

Chuck: Interesting plan.

Sarah: Okay, we just have to hold out until Casey gets here.

Until then, if the pain becomes unbearable, just pass out.

Chuck: How?

Sarah: Scare yourself.

Chuck: Shouldn't be too hard.

Alexis: Glad to see you're all in such a chatty mood.

The identity of the Intersect is on that chip.

So who wants to tell me first?

(whimpers)

Casey: Hey!

Lester:,Ooh, nice suit.

Where you headed, a funeral?

Casey: Yeah, yours if you don't tell me where Bartowski is.

Jeff: He got pinched.

Casey: What? !

Lester: The cops nabbed him for indecent exposure.

Guy can't keep it in his pants.

Casey: What cops?

Jeff: A hot woman, real taskmaster type.

She can frisk me anytime.

Lester: Shut up, you idiot!

That's how we got in this mess in the first place.

I would not like to share a cell with that gentleman.

(Alexis grunts, Chuck groans)

Chuck: Stop it. Stop it. I can't take it anymore.

No more t*rture.

Cole: She's torturing me, idiot.

Alexis: Tell me who the Intersect is, Cole...

(grunts)

... and the pain can end.

Chuck: Sarah, I can't let them do this.

She's going to k*ll him.

Sarah: No, Chuck, no, just keep your mouth shut.

Chuck: Enough, enough, can't you see he's never going to talk?

Alexis: Everybody talks.

Cole knows that.

Well, how about it?

You ready to talk or should I turn up the heat?

Chuck: Look, I know what's on the chip. I watched it.

Sarah: No, Chuck, no!

Chuck: It's me.

I'm the one you're looking for.

Alexis: You?

All along it was you.

(Chuck whimpering)

Cole: Do you really think the CIA would put its entire database of secrets inside his head?

He's a pathetic weakling.

How could they send him on an assignment?

How could he even withstand t*rture?

Sarah: It's true, he's just a computer and electronics technician-- a brave one, but he's not the Intersect.

Alexis: Then who is?

Cole: Me.

I'm the Intersect.

Chuck: No, he's not.

It's me, okay, and I resent the fact that I couldn't stand up to t*rture.

Do your worst.

In fact, you could stick that incredibly long needle in my eye and I still wouldn't tell you anything.

Alexis: This needle?

You want me to put this needle... in your eye?

Chuck: Uh, uh, uh, you know, you know, you know, on, on, on second thought...

Alexis: Wake him.

Casey; General, we have a situation.

I need surveillance from a NASA satellite.

Beckman: What's going on, Agent Casey?

Casey: FULCRUM has captured the asset.

I suspect he's being tortured.

Beckman: Dear God, he'll never last.

(gasps)

(shrieking): Chuck : It's freezing!

No, no, please, please, no more t*rture.

Alexis: Enough.

We will try... a different approach.

Tell me who the Intersect is by three... or I inject Agent Walker with enough ricin to k*ll an army.

One, two...

Chuck: It's me.

Cole: It's me!

(sirens blaring)

(door opens)

Freeze! CIA! Hands in the air!

Chuck; Hey, hey.

Casey: Hands, now!

Up!

Our turn now.

We get to find out everything you know about FULCRUM.

Alexis: No, you won't.

Casey: Trust me, babe, everyone talks.

Alexis: I know.

Casey: No!

Alexis: FULCRUM wins.

(growls)

(garbled radio transmission)

Thank you.

Casey: What happened?

Chuck; Well, I fainted and hit my head on the ground.

Casey: Real brave, Bartowski.

Chuck: I fainted on purpose.

That was my move.

You know I'm terrified of needles.

Casey; Oh, so your move was to faint and his was to endure t*rture?

Chuck: We have different methods.

Casey: It looks like his method is working.

Sarah: Keep the ice on that.

Chuck; Oh, I'm fine.

Sarah: I'm really proud of you, Chuck.

It's not easy to withstand t*rture.

Chuck: Well, they didn't know the right buttons to push.

I have exceptionally ticklish toes, you know.

As a child, Ellie was able to extract information from me at will.

Sarah: Well, that's good to know.

Besides, you've had a lot of practice enduring t*rture, with our fake relationship.

Chuck:You know, it wasn't completely t*rture.

We certainly had our moments, didn't we?

Sarah: Well, even though it wasn't real, I'm really going to miss it.

Chuck; Look, maybe I made an impulsive decision.

Cole: Well, I guess I'd better be heading out.

Chuck... thanks for risking your life for me.

Don't ever do it again.

Chuck; Don't worry.

I won't.

Chuck: Right, I'll give you two a couple minutes.

Sarah: We have to talk about Chuck.

If you know who Chuck really is, then you pose a security thr*at.

Someone that I will have to handle.

Cole: Well, I can't say being handled by you is an unappealing option.

Understood.

Look, if I've proved anything to you by now, it's that I can keep my word.

Feel free to say "no, " but your government has sent a fully-loaded G4 to fly me back to London.

I figured same amount of fuel, we'd go to Fiji.

Sarah: Sorry. Need to work.

Cole: Well, understood.

I'm offering to help you with your interrogation skills.

Sarah: Do these lines actually work?

Cole: Often.

Okay.

Change of tactic.

The truth.

I really need a vacation, and it looks like you do, too.

All I can offer you is some good company, warm sun, and lots of wild passion because the truth is I think you're a breathtakingly beautiful woman.

You spend so much time worrying about someone else, you've forgotten about yourself.

Sarah: I've got work to do.

Cole: See you around.

Sarah: Good-bye.

Morgan: Hey, Chuck, I was thinking that, uh, you know, maybe Ellie seeing me naked was actually a blessing in disguise.

Chuck: Not for her, it wasn't.

Morgan: I realize I need my own place, somewhere I can sleep naked.

You know, and my poor, sweet mother isn't constantly being violated by my boss.

Chuck: Yeah, that sounds sensible.

Morgan: It actually makes perfect sense. I'm 27 years old and I live in the same room with the same Tron poster I've had since I was 12.

I just... I need to make something happen, you know?

Yeah.

Chuck: Morgan?

Morgan: Yeah?

Chuck: Let's move in together.

Morgan: Tell me you're not joking.

Chuck: Let's do it, buddy.

I mean, it's time we both moved on with our lives.

Morgan: Damn right it is, buddy.

I've been waiting so long to hear you say those words.

Big Mike: Bartowski!

How come I got a machine full of calls from Human Resources? Some kind of harassment?

Chuck: I may have a couple ideas, sir.

Big mike: Get in my office!

Lester: You think he'll talk?

Jeff: Everyone talks.

(tires screeching, crashing)

Chuck: Guys?

Morgan: Ellie! Awesome!

Can you guys gather around!

We've got an announcement to make.

Ellie: Is it safe?

Morgan: Yeah, no, cool, man, cool, uh...

Fruit stand's closed.

Devon: It's okay, babe.

Sorry, it's still a little fresh.

Morgan: It'll wear off.

Hey, uh, you want to do the honors?

Chuck: Ellie, Awesome, I have made a very important decision: I'm moving out.

Ellie (gasps): Yes!

Chuck; And moving in with Morgan.

Ellie: No!

Morgan: Oh, yeah, video games and nudity all day and all night.

What's up? (knocking)

Sarah: Oh, I'm sorry.

Can I talk to you for a second? It's kind of important.

Morgan: Take your time.

Okay. (chuckles)

Morgan: Talk about your third wheel.

Sarah; Cole's been captured, by FULCRUM, we believe.

Chuck: Oh, my God.

That's terrible. I'm sorry.

Sarah: Chuck, he's knows you're the Intersect.

We have to go into 24-hour protective detail until further notice.

Chuck: What exactly does that mean?

Sarah: It means we can't break up, and we have to move in together.

Well, Ellie's watching. We better sell it.

Chuck; Are you sure about this?

I mean, he's a really tough guy. Maybe he won't talk.

Sarah: Chuck, everyone talks.