04x05 - Bar-Be-Q Burritos

[bunniefuu]

I wasn't the only person who went to the dock that night to tell you that they love you. Lavon was there, too.

I may have told him I'm still in love with him.

Are you?

Yes.

If there weren't an A.B., would there be a chance that you would ever reciprocate my feelings?

It doesn't matter, 'cause there is an A.B., and there will always be an A.B.

Please give us another chance.

In other news, Wade and I are back together.

And, also, I'm pregnant.

(gasping) What?

Bill: How y'all gonna manage?

Sadie: Are you guys getting married, or what?

Where y'all gonna live?

One of you's gonna have to give up your job.

Sadie: Private school or public?

All right, all right, all right. I got this, Doc.

Why don't you all slow down.

(excited chatter)

I'm so excited about the baby.

(excited chatter continues)

(squawking)

Damn.

Hey, Wade.

Okay. So...

Here we go.

"Things to get done before the baby arrives."

"Number one: make a list of things to get done."

Well, you can check that off the list.

Boom.

"Number two: buy comfortable yet stylish maternity outfits."

And look at me.

Wow, look at this.

Those look comfortable and cozy while maintaining a, uh, certain flair.

Thanks.

"Number three: find a new place to live."

I hate number three.

Yeah.

Yeah, me, too.

But, uh, look, we discussed this, all right?

There just, there isn't room at either of our places for...

For a-a baby.

Yeah, it's just... the idea of leaving Lavon's, you know?

The kitchen, the pastries.

The Lavon.

I know.

I know, but we have to, all right?

P-Please don't cry.

The hormones, Wade, I have hormones!

Do you think we could afford a new place?

Of course.

Yeah, I mean, look at you.

You're a successful doctor.

Me, I own a... slammin' dining establishment.

An empty... slammin' dining establishment.

Where is everyone?

Morning.

Why don't you ask Shula?

Shula, what is that?

Pork butt burrito.

From where?

(excited chattering)

Prizzi: Fresh pork burritos!

Patty: Pork butt burritos!

Get your fresh pork butts!

Best barbecue in Alabama, right here!

The Pritchett sisters have a food truck?

Patty: Hey, Wade!

Hey, Dr. Hart!

Why are you two standing way back there?

Yeah, come on over and get in line before we sell out!

This is bad. No, no. Zoe, look.

This is just a novelty, all right?

People are just checking it out.

Don't worry your, uh, hormonal little head about it.

It's too late.

Zoe, it's gonna be fine.

Just run along to work, all right?

I'll see you later.

Okay. Okay.

All right.

Hey, Wanda, we need to have a meeting, pronto.

I'm on it!

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

(birds singing)

Annabeth: So, I have a problem.

As do I.

But I don't think it's the same problem.

Okay. Well, what's yours?

Jaysene is taking me to a gay bar tonight, and I have no idea what to wear.

It's... different problem.

What's your problem?

I want to go back to school.

Nursing school.

What a great idea, AnnaBeth.

Yeah... but I don't know how I'm gonna pay for it.

Well, I know how.

Sell Jake's boat.

(laughing): You mean the one that George Tucker lives on?

Yes, the one that you own.

I heard Wally is in the market for a second home.

You can sell it to him.

No... I can't just displace George.

He is your tenant.

You are his landlord.

Or, lake-lord.

It's business.

Haven't you ever seen Shark t*nk?

In order to succeed in business, you have to be tough.

Cold!

Like a shark!

Ooh, maybe that's why they call it Shark t*nk.

Hmm.

Lavon: Lemon, Lemon, Lemon.

I bump into her everywhere.

She's even in my dreams, Zoe.

Like last night, I dreamt that it was the first day of school.

But it wasn't school.

It was a, uh, mini-golf course.

And on the ninth hole, Lemon's laying there.

And instead of hitting the ball into the clown's nose, you had to hit the ball into...

Ew. Stop. Ugh. God.

Lavon, you are Lavon freakin' Hayes, okay?

You do not pine.

You're a mayor. A hunky mayor.

A football hero.

I don't know about "hero."

Dr. Hart.

Hey there, boss!

I am loving that shirt on you! (whoops)

What do you want?

What? Nothing.

I am just super-excited about your shirt.

And all the awesome doctoring I'm going to do today.

Well, great, 'cause I'm going out now, and good luck holding down the fort.

Lavon.

Zoe: Oh, I'm gonna hold down this fort.

The fort's not gonna know what... held it.

Uh...

He's gone.

What was that?

I need to convince Brick to give me a raise.

The Pritchetts' pork butts are pork-butting into business at the Rammer Jammer.

And a baby? Not cheap.

Not even a little bit cheap.

W-Well, hey!

I mean, you guys get to stay rent-free forever, right?

Oh... what's happening right now?

It's the hormones.

So many hormones.

(sniffles)

Lavon, you're the best.

You're a catch.

You're never gonna get over Lemon unless you try.

You know, you got to just get back out there!

I need you to be happy, Lavon!

Oh-ho.

Okay.

I'm happy.

(wails) Oh...

It looks wonderful, Lemon. Wonderful!

Thank you, Daddy.

I went with the brighter color palette this time just to keep the place more lively, you know?

You seem pretty lively. You okay?

Yes, well I, uh, had a... few extra coffees more than usual.

I haven't been sleeping so well.

Really? Wh-What's wrong?

Oh, you know. Romantic troubles.

You are not seeing that Meatball again, are you?

No, it's not Meatball.

The shame, Lemon.

Remember the shame that you and I, and Southwestern Alabama, all felt last time?

Daddy, it is not Meatball.

Put him out of your mind.

A-And just... get back out there, a-and meet new people.

I read in the paper that they are having a-a singles hoedown in-in Mobile tonight.

I think that you have confused me with some sort of washed-up shut-in, Daddy.

I know who you are.

You are a beautiful, successful restaurateur, who would never lose sleep over a man.

Now, come on.

Get back out there, darling.

I know it seems kind of bad.

Kind of?

Business has dropped 16 percent in two weeks.

That burrito is gross anyway.

Wanda, you are right.

This burrito is amazing.

My stomach is singing with a mariachi band.

Maybe you should shake things up.

You know what we need, we need...

We need a big event with a hot performer.

Someone to bring people back in, remind them what they liked about us in the first place.

The food, the ambiance, the vibe, live music.

I could ask my cousin.

Who's your cousin?

Pamela Bailey.

She's on tour in Birmingham right now.

What? Do I got pork butt Pon my face?

Wade: How have you never mentioned that your cousin is a superstar country musician?

I don't know who all your cousins are.

Well, can you introduce me?

Could you give me free beer for a month?

Hi, George.

Wow.

The place looks very, um... (clattering) lived in.

Extremely lived in.

Yeah, the, uh, Truitts were over here rehearsing earlier, and making a mess is part of their... creative process, I guess. I don't know.

What can I do you for, A.B.?

Well, I have a certain, uh, matter I have to discuss with you.

Is this a Lemon-related matter?

What? No, it has nothing to do with...

Oh, okay.

Because usually when you come over to talk to me, it has something to do with Lemon.

Some scheme or shenanigan or the like.

But, you know what, you can just tell her that I'm not interested this time.

I have my hands full with the Truitts as it is.

It has nothing to do with Lemon.

I'm here because... (clears throat)

I need to sell this houseboat.

Uh...

My houseboat?

Uh, well, technically it's mine.

But of course, uh, you will have a few weeks before you need to find a new place to live.

Can we at least sit down and have a discussion about this?

No, there's nothing to discuss.

Um, it's not personal.

It's just, you know.

It's business.

Business?

Yeah.

It's... it's business.

Yeah, business.

Okay, what exactly does "business" mean?

Look, George, I already have an interested buyer, and we're gonna be coming by tonight, so if you could make the place look a little less lived in, I'd really appreciate it.

Caller: ♪ Come on ladies, come on guys ♪
♪ Loosen those limbs, and don't be shy ♪
♪ You know the moves, you've learned them well ♪
♪ Let's mix it on up, and see who'll gel ♪
♪ Ace of diamonds, jack of spades... ♪

And so that's the main reason I still live with my mama.

Oh, she sounds lovely.

Ah, she is. She's a doll.

In fact, she's right over there. Mama!

Look at me, I'm dancing!

Wave to Mama.

Mama likes you.

You don't happen to have any, uh, dental floss, would ya?

It's just corn, and I-I knew I shouldn't have had corn in the car, 'fore I came in.

I love soup. Clam chowder's my favorite.

New England clam chowder, Manhattan clam chowder, and Rhode Island clam chowder, which despite a common misperception...

I'm Todd, I design Web sites.

Mostly about my alien abduction.

Caller: ♪ Now everyone... switch ♪
♪ And switch ♪
♪ Move on down the line ♪

Lemon?

Lavon?

Lemon Breeland at a singles hoedown?

Now, I never thought I'd live to see that day.

I think that it's good for both of us.

Well, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Caller: Let's sidestep.

Time to forget all the silly silliness and find our life partners.

Although, I must admit that the pool here is a little...

Crazypants?

Yes!

My last partner only talked about soup.

My last partner only spoke in pig Latin.

Caller: Now let's switch.

And switch.

Move on down the line.

Good luck. Stay strong.

♪ And a-do-si-do your partner ♪

Do you like ficuses?

Uh, I have 12.

And a betta fish.

(laughs) You expect me to play at a place called the Rammer Jammer?

Well, it's small, but it fits a lot of excited fans.

More glitter on my cleavage.

Sorry, I can't do it.

Oh, you owe me, Pam!

Remember when you got drunk on Uncle Larry's bourbon and you broke Grandma Nettie's priceless antique vase?

I took all the heat for you.

That was 20 years ago!

So? Your mom would still be pissed if she found out. I will call her, Pam!

Don't you think I won't!

Wade: Okay, thank you, Meatball.

I don't think blackmail is necessary.

Uh, look, I-I know it's a lot to ask, but...

You know what? I wish I could help.

Oh, you are cute.

But I can't. I have shows lined up almost every night.

Can't squeeze another one in.

I'm exhausted.

Well, see, that is exactly where we can help you.

Because BlueBell is the perfect place to relax, unwind, refresh, rejuvenate.

We've got charming townspeople, a gazebo, a bakery, bed-and-breakfast...

Oh!

Did you say bed-and-breakfast?

I do love bed-and-breakfasts.

Well, then you are going to love the Whippoorwill which is adorable and charming.

And I can get you the best room in the place.

Come, stay, kick your shoes off, relax.

Ooh, small place might be nice.

Reconnect with my core fans. Mm-hmm.

Fine. One night.

But this B and B better be as good as advertised.

Better. I guarantee it.

Plus, there's this amazing food truck.

(chuckles)

I can't bet eve how cruddy this day is!

How am I supposed to convince Brick to give me a raise when my only patient today was a case of pinkeye?

Hey! It's a bad case.

And I don't understand.

If you want a raise so bad, why don't you just ask Dr. Breeland?

Tonya, when you're an adult you'll understand that you can't just ask someone for a raise.

Why not?

It takes timing, tact, finesse.

You know, you got to wow them, so it's impossible for them to say no.

Which Brick loves to say.

It might be his favorite word... ever.

You know, is it too much to ask for just one medical emergency?

You know a-a rare illness?

A blunt force trauma? An outbreak?

Dr. Hart?

Are you crying?

(crying): I don't even know anymore!

Excuse me, are you the doctor?

Yes!

Uh, yes.

What seems to be the problem?

We're in town for a few days on a cross-country honeymoon, and we just keep getting these red bumps all over us!

Bedbugs!

Yup, definitely bedbug bites.

Where are you two staying?

I mean, I don't want to be the only one in a dress!

Yes, I want to stand out, but in the correct, lesbian way.

Mm-hmm.

So, what do you think?

Should I go with all leather, a nice pantsuit or... jeans?

Oh, jeans? You've never worn jeans.

I know! Wally?

What do you think?

How should I know?

I never dressed up for a lesbian bar before.

(sighs)

Ah, this kind of thing is exactly why I need a weekend place.

Mm-hmm.

Peace and quiet.

No one to bother me.

Yup. Well, here we are.

Yeah, this place does seem kind of tranquil.

Mm-hmm.

(bluegrass music playing nearby)

Wait...

What's that noise?

(clears throat) Well, well, well.

Crickett, Wally, welcome to AnnaBeth's houseboat, come on up and take a look!

George, what have you...?

Wally, these are the Truitts.

They are thinking about buying the houseboat next door.

Annabeth: Nope! No!

That is not true!

Um, this is just a big misunderstanding.

Wally: Maybe so. Uh...

Are you or are you not trying to sell me a floating trailer home filled with garbage?

Well... (Wally laughing)

Uh... Good to see you, Wally, as always.

Crickett. (laughs)

(clears throat)

George Tucker, I always knew that you were immature.

But I never thought that you would stoop this low!

Okay, well, AnnaBeth, what did you expect me to do?

I've been living here for years, you show up out of the blue trying to kick me out because of one of your famous whims?

It is not a whim!

I am trying to sell this houseboat so I can afford to go to nursing school!

Well...

I... didn't know that!

Why didn't you tell me that?!

Because I didn't want to make a big fuss!

It is scary stepping outside your comfort zone, but I'm gonna do it!

Because I think there is more to life than being some small town receptionist!

AnnaBeth, look, I am so sorry.

Forget it, George!

Enjoy your raccoon-infested, garbage-filled houseboat.

♪ ♪

Enough!

Hey, Dash, thanks again for making this work on such short notice.

Well, it is my honor, Wade.

Do you know I have been waiting for a star of Pamela Bailey's magnitude to stay at the Whippoorwill for years!

We've been shut down!

"Shut down"?!

By whom?!

♪ ♪

So, you taking a break?

(quiet laugh) A break would imply that I'm going back out there.

(laughs) But... at least there's whiskey.

Oh, thank goodness for that.

Uh, you know, my last dance partner proposed.

What?

Yeah. Right after the do-si-do.

Oh, my God.

Well, you are a football-playing mayor.

Yeah. And when I said no, she just stared at me.

And then she asked me if we could have a spring wedding.

So it's possible that I am engaged now.

Ah, well, congratulations.

(laughs): Yeah. (laughs)

Well, let's face it, Lavon.

We don't exactly live in a town conducive to meeting new people.

Oh, true.

There's hardly a woman in three counties that hasn't dated George or Wade.

(groans)

I bet it would be so much easier if we lived in New York City.

I bet single people run smack into each other all the time.

On the subway, in the park... on the top of the Empire State Building.

Yeah, I-I think that last one only happens in the movies.

Mm, yeah, well, possibly.

But you certainly don't have to worry about running into the love of your life at a hoedown two towns over.

Lemon Breeland?

Are you saying I'm the love of your life?

Who says I was talking about you?

Maybe I was talking about the soup guy.

Oh.

(laughing)

Oh, look, L-Lemon?

Now, look, our current situation isn't good for anyone.

Something has to change.

Yes.

We do.

(door opens)

You walk in and there are just pastries everywhere.

Where do they come from?

We're never gonna find a new place that comes with its own pastry elves.

Well, thanks to you, we're never gonna find a new place period.

What did I do?

You shut down the Whippoorwill!

Yes. Because there were bedbugs.

Zoe, a relaxing stay at the Whippoorwill was the only way we were gonna get Pamela Bailey to perform at the Whippoorwill at the Rammer Jammer.

She arrives tonight!

Pamela Bailey is coming to the Rammer Jammer?

I love her!

Her music is so good!

Are you even listening to me?

We need to reopen that bed-and-breakfast.

Okay, I'll-I'll figure something out.

I promise I will fix this.

Lavon?

(grunts)

Morning, Lavon.

Oh, no!

No! Don't hug me.

Don't hug me.

What'd she do to you?

I took her advice, went to a singles hoedown in Mobile.

Guess who was there, too?

No way.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes! Lemon.

Lemon was there.

What happened?

Nothing good.

I'll fix that, too!

Ooh!

There she is.

Dash DeWitt's enemy numero uno.

Right. You know, about that whole bedbug scare last night? It's possible that I may have acted irrationally.

Pregnancy hormones, am I right?

No, you didn't act irrationally.

I didn't?

No! Not at all.

In-in fact, I think congratulations are in order.

They are?

The state medical examiner called earlier.

He said that you may have averted a statewide bedbug crisis.

I did?

Yeah.

Wow!

Can I have a raise?

Oh, goodness.

No.

You didn't even pause to think.

You know, you could at least freaking pause!

No.

Okay... let's see if we can squeeze an idea out of here.

Oh!

Can't believe that worked.

Morning, A.B.

Enjoying your cruellers?

So many cruellers there.

It's cruller, George.

Cruller, not crueller.

Are you sure?

'Cause I-I think...

Yes! I am sure!

Trust me, I eat enough of them.

And today is a big cruller day because of your hijinks last night.

Yeah, that's... that's why...

I came by this morning.

I-I wanted to apologize for that.

I acted rudely and immaturely.

And, uh, I just wanted to also let you know that I think it's great that you're going back to school.

You're gonna make a fantastic nurse.

Well, thank you.

So you're moving out of my houseboat?

Actually, I was hoping that we could chat about that a little bit?

You know, maybe figure something out so...

I knew it!

I have known you your whole life, George Tucker, and I know when you're trying to work a woman over to get what you want.

No, no. No, no, no.

I am not working you over, AnnaBeth. I swear.

You-you said something last night, about wanting to try new things.

And I get that.

I mean, I feel the exact same way.

(laughing): I mean, how else could you explain me managing the Truitts, of all people?

Well... I mean, they must be talented, 'cause they're a handful.

They are a handful.

Mm-hmm. But they are also surprisingly talented.

Oh, well, your manage-ee, Rudy Truitt, came in the other day after he got bit by his pet raccoon Reba.

And he was convinced that he was turning into a were-raccoon. Oh, no!

Yes. Oh, I thought those dark circles under his eyes were just from lack of sleep.

Annabeth: No, but he does kind of smell like a trash can.

George: Well, he kind of lives in one, so...

Oh! (both laughing)

It's probably easy for him to catch something like that. Yes.

What are you two laughing about?

Were-raccoons! Were-raccoons!

(AnnaBeth and George laughing)

I didn't realize you two were so chummy.

Oh, we're not chummy.

George: No, no.

AnnaBeth is actually trying to evict me right now.

Yeah.

That's because George is a squatter and ruined the sale of my houseboat.

Mm-hmm.

Cruller?

Crueller, and don't mind if I do.

Oh. Which one... which one would you recommend?

They're all good.

Oh, yeah? Really.

I like cruellers.

(door opens)

Lavon!

Hey. Hi.

Okay, so I know that you had a rough night, but I also know that nothing cures the blues like a good old country song, right?

Right?

Crazy pregnant lady, what are you going on about?

(people shouting)

Zoe, please tell me you got that bed-and-breakfast reopened.

No, but I may have found another one.

Seriously? How the hell we gonna pull that off?

And here we are.

The charmingest B and B in all of Alabama.

- Pamela: Ooh, it's big.

That's a lot of luggage.

Be cool, man. It's much bigger than I expected.

Uh, meet our proprietors.

Ooh.

Uh, welcome to the Whippoorwill.

Where your-your comfort is our greatest desire.

Delighted to have you all.

It is adorable!

Okay, please take the bags upstairs and unpack them.

Everything in the leopard suitcases needs to be dry-cleaned, everything in the red suitcases needs to be hung.

Say what, now?

Zoe: Uh, don't worry about it.

The rest of our, uh, staff will get that for you.

Staff!

Uh-huh. There they go.

Good work, staff.

I-It's just for 24 hours, one day. I swear.

Do it for-for Wade.

For the Rammer Jammer.

For my unborn child.

Who we're gonna name Lavon.

Boy or girl.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

So I decided to give free ice cream with the flu sh*ts.

And I know it was a crazy idea, and actually, it worked!

Well, sometimes the craziest ideas are the most brilliant ones.

Oh, my. I think I smell a scheme coming.

Oh, yes.

A scheme to bring two unexpected people together.

And I will find happiness in other people's love.

Now, who is the target of your arrow, there, Cupid?

George and AnnaBeth.

Oh, that is preposterous!

Daddy, the heart wants what it wants.

Exactly.

Not what you tell it to.

Now, Lemon, what is really going on here?

Excuse me, I have to go talk to Sal about something.

Bye!

Hey, Sal!

Sal... Lemon.

Hello.

George: So the gig is at 8:00.

Make sure you're there early to...

A "gig" is a "show."

No, a "gig" and a "show" are the same thing.

Just tell Rocket a gig and a show are the same thing... Rudy, do not put him on the...

I have another call.

(clears throat)

(phone beeps)

What's up, Lemon?

What's up, George Tucker, is that I have the perfect solution to your houseboat dilemma.

What kind of solution?

Why don't we meet tomorrow for breakfast and I'll tell you?

Well, why tomorrow?

What is going on?

You know, this feel like one of your tricks.

I smell a shenanigan a mile away.

Okay, do you want your houseboat back or not?

Annabeth: Yes!

George: Yes!

See you tomorrow.

So Sal the Shrimp Guy wants to buy Jake's houseboat?

Lemon: Yes.

So I overheard him say that he was looking for real estate investments.

So I suggested the boat, and he said that he is in.

Oh!

And even better yet, George, he said that he wants to rent it to you, same as A.B.

Oh! Oh, Lemon!

Oh, it's perfect.

Thank you!

Of course!

George: Yes, thank you so much.

But why couldn't you just tell us this last night?

Well... because I have a favor to ask.

Uh-huh.

As both of you know, I've been stressing out about the reopening of Fancie's, particularly the menu.

And I was hoping, as my closest friends, that you'd be willing to come over this evening for a sample meal.

Hmm.

I knew she wanted something.

Yeah, of course she did.

All you had to do was ask.

But of course I will.

Oh, thank you.

Me, too. But AnnaBeth's right.

Next time, just... ask us.

You know? Not everything has to be a big scheme.

You know, George, that's really good advice.

Thank you.

So I'll see you at 8:00?

Oh, and, um... dress real nice.

I want to get a... you know, feel for the romance.

Okay!

See you at 8:00.

George: Why do I feel like the scheming is not over yet?

Because it's Lemon Breeland?

Ah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Zoe: I hope that these are enough knickknacks.

You know, B and Bs, they always have knickknacks.

And maps. Do you have any maps?

Can't you see I'm busy?

Making that crazy diva a crazy smoothie.

With sunflower seeds, grape seed, flax seeds...

I just filled my blender with a bunch of damn seeds!

I'm sorry, Lavon, but it's just for...

One day, yeah, I know.

This concert tonight better be profitable.

Mr. Hayes, your place is magic!

Everything is just perfect.

Except for a few things.

I would like a sound machine, cashmere slippers, potpourri that skews a little less lavender, a little more chamomile.

Oh, and that electric toothbrush was so thoughtful, but my gums are sensitive, so I'd love one of those hotel dental kits with the tiny toothbrush and little itty-bitty toothpaste in it.

Is that all?

Oh, and I'll take my smoothie out by the lake in 25.

Thanks.

(mumbling)

I know, I know, I know... but I promise it'll all be over soon.

Okay?

Who knows?

You might even miss her when she's gone.

Because this is a huge house, and you could always have people here.

Staying.

Because that way you would never, ever be lonely.

Ever.

You and Wade are moving out?

I've been meaning to tell you, Lavon.

I'm so sorry.

You know? But there's just no room for the baby, and all the baby's stuff, and me, and Wade, and... I'm sorry.

I see.

And this is our winter squash ratatouille with hollandaise sauce.

Mmm.

Well, it looks delicious.

Yeah. I gotta say, everything has been fantastic tonight, Lemon, and I am sure that Fancie's is going to be a... just a huge success.

Oh, thank you.

Well, you both have exquisite taste buds and despite how much you've both grown and changed over the years, I knew I could count on you.

Okay, what is going on with you?

(laughing)

What's so funny?

Oh, it's just that we've all known each other for so long.

Do you remember that trip in tenth grade, when we went on that fly-fishing trip?

And you threw your line and got it caught in George's pant leg, and you thought you'd made a big catch?

I knew it! I knew it!

Knew what?

This is exactly like when we went fly-fishing.

You have always tried to get AnnaBeth and I to be closer, so we can be this tight little trio.

Not again!

I mean, when are you gonna stop doing that?

And that's why we're here.

This is a scheme within a scheme!

Mm-hmm!

Lemon: Okay, well, excuse me for wanting the two of you to see in each other what I do. Okay?

Oh! Do you remember that time she got us lost in the woods looking for firewood and tried to get us to bond over our hatred of our history teacher?

(laughing): I do. I do.

Do you remember the time that she "accidentally" locked us in the janitor's closet at school together?

That was... (laughs) You can be so annoying.

So freaking annoying.

Incredibly annoying.

Yes, I can be annoying, can't I?

Oh! Oh, God. You know, I forgot...

Uh, the wine opener broke.

So I will be back in a minute. Okay.

Uh, dessert will be right out.

Yeah, sure, we'll be here.

Yeah, yeah. See you in a few.

Oh, what about that time she made us perform her terrible one-act play?

Lavon: Little itty-bitty... little itty-bitty dental kit with, ah, the little itty-bitty toothpaste, itty-bitty...

Itty-bitty.

Lemon Breeland.

Lavon...

Well, funny running into you in the teensy tiny small town where we both live.

Hmm, well, I sense some sarcasm in your tone.

You sense correctly.

So what are you doing here?

Well, I'm just buying a wine opener as part of a good deed that I'm doing.

(laughs): What kind of good deed?

I'm setting up George and AnnaBeth.

George and AnnaBeth?

Mm-hmm.

What the hell gave you that idea?

I saw a spark between them.

Oh. Suddenly, after all this time?

Yes! They're back at Fancie's right now talking up a blue streak.

No. Hold on.

No. I-I know what's going on here, you're trying to push them together, so AnnaBeth will be happy, so that... that we could be together.

(scoffs): What?! Don't be silly.

This is for them.

Mostly.

(scoffs) Lemon, no...

That's...

It-it-it's not fair... to AnnaBeth or George.

Not to mention, it's just plain craziness.

It won't work.

It will!

(laughs): It has to.

Oh, my God.

This chocolate cake...

Wow!

You think she could've splurged on two pieces.

I know!

What is it Lemon's always saying about two people sharing a piece of chocolate cake together?

Oh! It's the most intimate thing two people can do other than...

Sex.

Sex.

Both: She's trying to set us up!

(both groan)

It is a scheme... within a scheme... within a scheme!

It's a triple scheme!

(both moaning)

(door opens)

What the hell is going on here?

(groans) (sighs) Oh. Mr. Hayes!

This young musician came by looking for an autograph and well... (clicks tongue) we just hit it off!

(laughs) He is a real good kisser.

(Rockett whoops) So, it looks like this young buck and I are gonna make a "night" of it.

So, while I'm at the concert, you mind, uh, romancing the place up a bit, you know rose petals on the bed, candles, soft music, champagne.

Oh, and some condoms by the bedside table.

No! No!

No! No! No! No! No! No condoms!

What do you mean, "No"?!

My Lord!

What kind of B and B treats its guests this way?

The fake kind!

(whispers): Fake kind?

All right, come on over and try our all-new, deep fried, ice cream quesadilla.

We got chocolate and vanilla (singsongy): and peanut butter crunch.

What-what are you all doing?

You, you can't advertise here.

This is a private establishment.

Mm-mm.

(scoffs)

I was that quesadilla in my mouth right now. (sighs)

Well, the place looks pretty good.

I just hope tonight goes all right.

Oh, don't worry, it will.

The concert is off!

What, what are you talking about?

What the hell happened?

Go ask your friend "Lavon."

George: I mean, I just don't understand why she thinks that we would make a good couple.

I mean, it's so random and... strange.

No offense. None taken.

I'm telling you, she wants something.

Oh, I just think she wants us to be happy.

I mean, she knows what a hard time I've been having getting over Lavon.

(chuckles)

What's that face?

What face? I didn't make a face.

You made a "I know something" face.

You know something!

No, I don't.

This is about me.

No! No, it's not.

You-you know what? You're probably right, Lemon's just trying to do a nice thing here.

Getting over...

Lavon.

Oh, my God.

Lemon has feelings for Lavon again, doesn't she?

I don't know.

I honestly don't.

Yeah, but you suspect.

One day! It was one freaking day!

I-I know. I'm sorry, Z.

I don't know what came over me. (sighs)

(groans) It's been a rough one.

More Lemon stuff?

(wry laugh): Yeah.

And you and Wade are leaving which means I'm gonna be all alone on a giant plantation, forever.

Believe me, I am more bummed about leaving than you are.

You are?

Yes!

I love it here.

I know that I'm supposed to be a grown-up and like move out... to a house with two bedrooms and a garage or whatever.

But I really wish I could stay.

I really do, because neither Wade or I know how to cook or clean.

And Lord knows, who's gonna take care of the kid when we're both in our respective jobs in the middle of the night.

(silently laughs)

I love the pastries!

Okay. Okay. Shh, calm down.

(screaming): I want to stay!

Oh...

Okay, Zoe, we'll-we'll figure something out, okay?

(crying)

Aw... but first, maybe I should apologize to Meatball's cousin.

(high-pitched): That's a good idea! Yeah.

Found the wine opener; took three stores, but...

Something wrong with the chocolate cake?

I can't believe you, Lemon.

You're trying to get George and I together, so that you can run off with Lavon, guilt-free?

No... do not look at me.

AnnaBeth, I-I promise it-it-it wasn't like that.

(scoffs) I saw you and George at the Butter Stick and, and you seemed so... you looked so... cute. (laughs)

You were both laughing and, um... that's where it all started from.

I-I-I... I swear, I just... (sighs)

I want you to be happy... AnnaBeth.

I really do.

No, you want you to be happy.

'Cause it's always about you.

Hello there, BlueBell!

(whistling, cheering)

(Pamela whoops)

That's my cousin up there.

My cuz!

I can introduce you after, if you'd like.

Pamela: ♪ Last call but it ain't enough ♪
♪ You want to run till the sun comes up ♪
♪ If you want, you can ride with me ♪

Always the sidekick.

Hmm.

Never the hero.

Mm-mm.

Always Lemon getting what she wants.

You and me...

Always getting it for her.

Mm-hmm.

Pamela: ♪That's open all night ♪
♪ Doesn't even start rocking till ♪
♪ After midnight ♪
♪ Just a little tin shack ♪
♪ With a bar out back ♪

(music continues in distance)

Let me guess.

Your crazy matchmaking plan went awry, didn't it?

"Awry" isn't a strong enough word.

A.B. figured it out.

Poor A.B.

Hey, hey.

Maybe this is all for the best.

I mean, now there's nothing holding us back. No.

A.B. was right.

I've been selfish my entire life.

And I will not put my feelings before hers.

I guess you were right last night.

The only thing we can do is just... move on.

♪ I know a place that's open all night ♪
♪ Doesn't even start rockin' till after midnight ♪
♪ Just a little tin shack ♪
♪ With a bar out back ♪

Hey, you all right?

No.

But I will be. (chuckles)

♪ Everybody's feeling all right, it's open all night ♪

Wade: Hey, you two.

Thank you.

How'd you convince Pamela to come back?

Well, I just blamed my bad behavior on my tragic love life.

Country singers eat that stuff up.

Wade: Well, I appreciate it.

And the Rammer Jammer appreciates it.

This is the best night we've had in months.

You know, I think we might finally be ready to check off number three on the list.

Actually, you know what, what-what if we stay for the baby's first few months?

And turn the attic of the carriage house into a nursery?

I mean, so much is changing already.

Well, I don't want to move.

I thought you wanted to move.

Well, hey, if neither of you want to move, then-then stay.

I mean, I'm great with babies.

And it takes a-a village, right?

(chuckles)

Yeah.

Or a crazy small town.

Come on.

♪ The whiskey flowing ♪

Terrible turn. Come on. You got to get with it, Mama.

♪ I know a place that's open all night ♪
♪ Doesn't even start rockin' till after midnight ♪

Oh, then I said, "Crickett,"

"it is gonna take all the baby powder in Western Alabama"

"to get those pants off." Whew.

(laughs) Oh, no.

(laughs) You are funny.

Don't know how I never realized it before.

Well, you are, too.

I mean, maybe there is more to you than being Lemon Breeland's stuffy ex-fiancé.

Oh, well, maybe there's more to you than being her wacky sidekick.

And perhaps... (laughs) perhaps we are even friends.

Well, I'd say, after all these years, we are, George Tucker.

Well, then I would say, maybe, if I saw you at the Butter Stick Bakery, maybe I would come and join you for a... cruller.

Oh. Well, maybe I'd let you.

Let's just, uh... let's not tell Lemon.

Oh, definitely not.

No. (laughs) (laughs)

♪ Get your drink, get your girl on the dance floor ♪
♪ Everybody's feeling all right ♪
♪ It's open all night. ♪