04x06 - Alabama Boys

[bunniefuu]

I'm setting up George and Annabeth.

I saw a spark between them.

It won't work.

You're trying to get George and I together so that you can run off with Lavon?

Guilt free?

I saw you and George at the Butter Stick,

and you looked so... cute. (laughs)

A.B. figured it out.

And now there's nothing holding us back.

No, A.B. was right.

I've been selfish my entire life.

And I will not put my feelings before hers.

George: If I saw you at the Butter Stick Bakery, maybe I would come and join you.

Well, maybe I'd let you.

Let's not tell anyone.

Oh, definitely not.

No.

Zoe: Okay, here's your chance to see the 24-week fetus in 2-D.

All the organs, inside and out.

Don't worry, I'll talk you through everything.

(clears throat) Talking through everything is supposed to be my job.

Your job is to sit back and relax.

Explaining medical mumbo jumbo is how she relaxes.

He's right. That's true.

Then knock yourself out, Dr. Hart.

There's the heart.

All four ventricles pumping strong.

All right.

There's the spleen.

Looks healthy.

The small intestine.

And there's...

There's the...

What?

There's the what?

(whispers): The penis.

My baby girl has a penis?

What?

No, it... it's a boy?!

We were just positive that we were having a girl, on account of me being a girl.

Which, I can now see, wasn't a totally logical assumption.

Especially for a doctor.

(laughing): Wait...

I... is that his... ?

Yeah.

That's his arm, Wade.

Oh.

A boy.

A boy.

(sighs)

(car horn honks)

(seagulls calling)

Hello, Annabeth.

Hi, George.

That is a nice dress.

Oh, thank you. You, too.

Oh, uh...

That... doesn't make any sense.

Um, so, George.

How have you been?

Truitt brothers managing.

Actually, Meatball demanded that I take him on, as well.

So I guess I am now managing all of the town musical goofballs.

Sounds fun.

And you?

Oh, started nursing classes.

Learning a ton, and I'm loving it.

That is great.

That is really great.

I... I'm very happy to hear that.

Yeah.

Um, so...

Yes?

I... was...

Lavon: Hey. George.

Annabeth.

I was just gonna grab me some coffee.

Oh... !

Kind of blocking the door.

Right.

Oh.

Right, I should...

Uh...

It was good to see you, A.B.

Yes. You, too.

Both! Of you.

Small towns.

Yay!

(gavel banging)

I have called this emergency meeting of Bluebell Small Business Owners Council because our bid to host the state football championship... has been denied.

Uh, no offense, Dash, but we all knew this was coming.

Well now, wait a minute... there's more.

I've been told on good authority, that our bid may still be in contention.

That is, on one condition.

That we co-host with Fillmore.

(gasping, grumbling)

Well, I know that, but Fillmore has that new state-of-the-art football stadium, and with our famous-football- great mayor, Lavon Hayes, to use as promotion... well, our bid may just be moved instantly to the forefront.

Well, that would be an unholy alliance.

Yeah.

Unholy, but fruitful.

How fruitful exactly?

Uh, Melissa, darling...

(murmuring) (whistling)

Well, I'll be...

That is a lot of money.

Now, I ask you again: who thinks we should co-host with Fillmore?

Okay, but you know Lavon is never gonna go for this.

Well, the mayors have to present this to the commissioner together.

Lavon would have to reach out to Gainey.

One of us is gonna have to convince him to do so.

I motion for Lemon Breeland, our council's most persuasive member, to do the deed.

What? No.

No, Lavon and I are not... um... uh...

I'm just so busy. (laughs nervously)

Now that Fancie's is up and running, and...

I second the motion.

Hear! Hear!

Others: Hear! Hear!

Others: Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear!

(power tool whirrs, then stops)

Uh... our boy.

You know, I can't wait to teach him to throw a spiral.

And tame alligators.

Yeah, I'm gonna teach him about catching possums and fishing.

And about V-8 engines.

(both chuckling)

Are you kidding me?

Wha... No, uh, it's not sexist.

I was gonna teach our little girl about that, too.

Possums? Engines? Alligators?

You know, perhaps our son would prefer shopping at Barney's... and Katy Perry.

(laughing)

I brought the room decor!

Both: All right!

Crickett: It was so romantic.

We were sharing a bucket of popcorn, both reached in at the same time, Jaysene grabbed my hand and said...

Well, I'll be a possum's bottom.

But that's not what she said at all.

Mm-mm.

(gasps)

Isn't that Gloria Gainey, Fillmore's first lady?

Yeah, buying sweets in Bluebell.

Gloria, how are you?

Oh, Annabeth.

Promise you won't breathe a word of this.

If Todd found out I bought the ladyfingers for my birthday bash here in Bluebell...

Oh, your secret's safe with me.

You are coming to my party tomorrow, aren't you, dear?

You could bring a date, if you'd like.

Um, I don't...

I won't take no for an answer!

I am counting on you to be there.

Oh, and don't forget your '60s costume.

Bye.

Bye.

I'm not going.

Why not?

Well, Davis has met someone new.

And they'll all just feel sorry for me... showing up alone.

Then take a date.

Ooh! Jaysene has this cute cousin.

He's a firefighter, too.

Oh, thanks, but... I don't think so.

Well, who wouldn't want to go out with a fi...

You have your eye on someone, A.B.

No. No!

I mean... I had a moment where I thought I might, but I don't.

At least, I don't think so.

I don't... It's complicated!

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Just ask this mystery man to the Gainey party.

What have you got to lose?

Well, you know what?

You're absolutely right!

♪ Which is why on that full moon ♪
♪ He became a were-raccoon ♪
♪ Long nails, a bushy tail ♪
♪ And he loved sneaking ♪

Tucker.

♪ In garbage pails ♪

McGreevy.

♪ Oh, were-raccoon ♪

I see you're really moving up in the world.

(laughs)

♪ Oh, were-raccoon ♪

Until tonight, then.

♪ I swoon for you ♪
♪ Oh, were-raccoon ♪

We gonna take five, G.T.

Have I told you how much I hate Scooter McGreevy?

Well, please try to hate him less, because I think tonight is the night.

Scooter is insisting on taking me to dinner before the party to some place in Mobile with cloth napkins.

And I think Dolly Parton is about to get a daddy!

No.

No!

Tansy, you cannot marry that tool shed!

Don't judge.

I love him.

All right, well, then, I'm happy for you, Tansy.

Well, and now that you're over Lemon, maybe it's time for you to find some happiness of your own.

Yeah... I...

I don't know.

George Tucker.

You like someone!

No!

No.

Uh... there was a minute there when I thought I might.

But now I don't.

Probably.

Besides, it-it-it's complicated.

It is very, very co...

It is so complicated.

So what?

I mean, life is short.

You deserve...

What would you tell me in this scenario, George?

(knocking on door)

Lemon. Uh...

What are you, uh, doing here?

(sighs)

I am here on behalf of the Small Business Owners Council.

Dash has heard on good authority that we have a good chance of hosting the state championship.

If we co-host.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

I mean, I would consider co-hosting with Mobile, Fairhope, Mussel Shoals...

No. No, no. No. No. No.

Okay, listen. You have every right to hate them.

And Mayor Gainey is as annoying as fire ants in your drawers.

But...

That's a lot of zeros.

You are looking at unprecedented revenue for local businesses.

It would make a world of difference... to all of us.

All right.

For the town, I will go see Gainey tomorrow.

Thank you, Lavon.

Whoa, hold on. Th... that's it?

You just gonna walk away and not say anything else?

What else is there to say?

Well... I... I can't wait around forever, Lemon.

No, if you won't have me, then I will find someone else who will.

Good.

Good for you.

Good-bye, Lavon.

George, um... funny seeing you again.

Right here.

In front of my house.

That... I know.

I was actually looking for you.

Oh, I... I was looking for you.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh. Well...

(clears throat)

Okay, this is... this is gonna be weird.

I'm just gonna bite the b*llet here.

Annabeth, would you like to go to dinner with me tomorrow night?

Really?

No, I'm sorry. I can't.

Okay.

I just did that.

Unexpected.

I have asked you here today because Lavon and George refused.

Also because you epitomize real Alabama men.

I resent that implication.

I only epitomize with ladies.

No, n... no. No, sh... she's calling us rugged and manly.

As it turns out, I am about to become the mother of an Alabama boy.

So what I need right now is some down and dirty Alabama boy immersion.

Who's in?

For free beer.

Let's do this thing. Sold!

Oh, and free goat treats.

Yeah!

(goat sneezes)

Whoa... !

Man: That's right.

Come on. Come on! Mm-mm!

♪ ♪

(gasps) (laughs)

Why?!

A.B.!

Whoa! Please chew before you swallow that cruller whole and me along with it!

What happened?

Well... that guy asked me out.

Oh, no! Wait.

Why isn't that excellent news?

Because I said no.

Why on Earth did you do that?!

I don't know!

Please tell me you are not still hung up on Lavon Hayes.

What?

No! No, I just...

I mean I'll always have feelings for Lavon.

But I'm trying not to.

Then what's the holdup?

(sighs) I don't know.

I think I'm just afraid of getting hurt.

And this guy? He is a recipe for getting hurt. I mean, the situation is downright...

Confusing! I just don't get it!

And she said no? Just no?

No explanation at all?

It was probably for the best.

(door opens)

Oh, uh...

Hi, George.

Hello, Annabeth. (chuckles)

Both: Okay.

Um... (both laugh)

Just have a nice day...

Thank you. Oh. Hey. Aah.

Like a couple of dancing flamingos.

All right!

Just hold still.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my God.

It's Annabeth?!

George Tucker?!

I mean, A.B. is wonderful.

You are right to avoid that minefield.

Everyone knows she still has a thing for Lavon.

George Tucker changes his mind about who he's in love with every two weeks!

You think his managing the Truitt brothers doesn't have something to do with Tansy?

I know, dating Annabeth...

It was a crazy idea.

Don't get me wrong.

I could raise a New York boy, no problem.

Box seats at Yankee Stadium?

Check.

Soccer games at Central Park?

Check.

Learning how to avoid being mugged on the subway?

Chizzeck!

I can handle a city boy.

But raising an Alabama boy?

And a Kinsella one at that?

I don't even know what mud-dogging is.

Well, actually, it's a time-honored tradition...

And I don't want to know.

Okay? That's why I'm going to be the worst Alabama-boy mom ever!

Well, uh, being a better listener might help.

But look... I raised two girls all alone, now, didn't I?

And I managed just fine.

Hello, Daddy. Time to celebrate!

I'm home for the weekend.

Oh, I can see that, Magpie.

Oh, and I'm just thrilled at the sight of you.

Oh, you, too, Daddy.

Also, I need $200, pronto.

Whew, $200? For... for what?

You know, girl stuff.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, also, the little league coach from Daphne is at reception with some kid.

You guys really need to get someone to fill-in out there.

Not me! Thank you.

(door opens)

Good to see you, too, Magnolia.

(door closes)

Hey, Coach. Everything okay?

There was a collision in the outfield...

Ow! It really hurts!

Okay.

We'll take care of that.

Now, the exam room is right in here.

I will be right in. Up you go.

That's it...

Hmm, you know what?

Why don't you go have lunch with Magnolia?

And I'll take this.

Watch me bond the crap out of that Alabama boy.

Yeah, but, Doc... Doctor Hart...

Hello...

(door closes)

Never mind.

I am Dr. Hart, and I am going to fix you right up.

And while I do, I was hoping that you could help me with a few things.

Help you?

See, I'm about to have a little boy myself.

And I thought you could give me some advice.

First piece of advice: Avoid gender stereotyping.

George. Hi.

I would just like to say that I've thought about it, and I take it back.

Take what back?

Asking you out.

You can't take it back.

Why not? Because you already asked.

But you said no.

That is not the point!

Well, I clearly was not in my right mind.

Because someone in their right mind wouldn't ask me out?

Exactly.

Excuse me?

Because you are still not over Lavon.

What?! Lavon is not why I said no to you.

Really? Because you have been flirting with me for the last couple of weeks, and if that is the...

Me? Flirting with you?

Yeah.

Oh!

No, you, sir, are the flirt.

You are the flirt!

And the reason I said no to you is because you are a serial boyfriend.

You jump from one bad relationship to another bad relationship.

And when the new ones don't work out, you just recycle the old ones.

Like Tansy!

No, that is not what is going...

She has a boyfriend!

Oh! Maybe for now.

But she certainly has taken a great deal of interest in the musical career of her brothers, all of a sudden. Because they are good!

(groans): Oh! Seriously?

What, do you have a LoJack on him or something?

Uh... everything okay?

Yeah! Just peachy.

Oh, do not ask.

I am just having a bad day.

Okay, well, it's about to get worse.

Look, I... I... I need to go kiss Gainey's bottom, try to convince him to co-host this game with us.

And I just can't do it alone. I need your help.

Oh, of course you do!

Oh, today keeps getting better and better!

Lemon: Hey, Magnolia?

Daddy said you were home, so I thought I'd come by and say hi!

(gasps, screams)

Oh, my God! I don't have any money!

But we have a very valuable porcelain figurine collection!

And you can just take it all!

Hey, uh, you're out of bourbon.

Magnolia: Hey, Lemon.

Ooh, I see you've met Chet.

Lemon: But... Wha... ? Chet-Chet?

Mm-hmm, yeah. We met at the rodeo.

God bless field trips.

(gasps)

Where are his clothes?

Spilled beer on my pants.

That nice housekeeper of yours is washing them.

He drove me in his car.

(gasps)

Souped-up V8.

Added some torque and a dual exhaust.

Baby flies! Mm!

(groans)

Oh, well, that is very reassuring.

So, Cherry...

Lemon!

Close enough. How about that bourbon?

(gasps)

Frank: How'd it go with Mayor Gainey?

Oh, he was out.

So we had to talk to Scooter McGreevy.

And?

He said we couldn't see Gainey.

And that we should shove it.

But the deadline for applying for the game is midnight tonight!

Yeah. We know that, Frank.

Well, I need that money to buy a polygraph machine for my detective agency.

Fashion like this doesn't grow on trees.

Okay, okay. I just need to figure out a way to get to Gainey without having to go through Scooter.

Yeah.

And maybe, you know, just maybe, he'll be in a good mood, and he'll come to his senses.

Word on the street has it that, uh, Gloria Gainey is having a big birthday extravaganza tonight, in Fillmore.

May be a good time to do some buttering up.

Exactly how am I supposed to get into Mrs. Gainey's birthday party, Dash?

Other word on the street has it that Annabeth Nass has been invited to said party.

Maybe you can convince her to make you her plus one...

Lavon?

We'll find another way to get to Gainey.

Yeah, what ideas you got?

None... right now.

But taking Annabeth to a party is not a good idea.

And not just because of the way she feels about you... for many reasons.

What choice do I have?

I mean, this-this game would be huge for local business.

I owe my town!

You, me... on a date?

I'd just be your plus one.

It's the only way to get to Gainey.

Well, I do love this town.

And I do love football.

And... and George thinks it's a great idea.

Really? Hmm.

Well, if George thinks it's a great idea, then I'm in.

Great! I'll pick you up at the Rammer Jammer at 8:00?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, Alabama men have their problems. But not all of them are carp-fishing, car-fixing hillbillies. Some of them are chauvinistic, conceited, football-playing buffoons. You should be worried about that, too.

Excellent point.

Is m... my mom coming soon?

You know, I left a message, but why don't I try her again, okay?

Oh, baby!

You poor thing. Oh!

Are you in pain?

A little bit.

But I'm just glad you're here now.

I... I'm Dr. Hart.

Oh, hi.

Scarlett's left ulna is fractured. But it's a simple break. I can set it in no time.

Oh, well, thank you for taking such good care of my daughter, Dr. Hart, but I think we should go to the hospital.

Oh, I am a surgeon.

I can set that arm just as well as anyone in Mobile.

Well, no offense. But I'd be more comfortable there.

Mom!

Come on.

Well, obviously it's your decision. But I am excellent at setting bones. Even my boss, who generally begrudges complimenting me, would agree. Unfortunately, he's not here right now.

Oh.

Please... ? Just let Dr. Hart just do this.

Uh, well... all right... (nervous laugh)

Great! Because she's panicked about having a boy. And I was just telling her she should be!

All Alabama boys are the worst.

Besides Daddy.

(laughs) Well, that's my Scarlett. Never been one to shy from the truth.

Well, we have that in common.

Wade: I bet he makes a mean tight end.

Promise me you'll let me be the one to teach Lil Wade the drums.

Of course, pal.

Yeah!

Okay, Wade...

I need your help. And it's urgent.

Magnolia has taken up with a cretin of a rodeo clown.

And I need you to teach him one of your famous lessons in civility.

Look, Lemon, all guys are creeps at that age.

So? I don't want this creep anywhere near my sister.

How am I supposed to find him?

He will be coming here in an hour.

I told him you will give him free beer, which you will... non-alcoholic.

And you will subtly convince him to leave town while Magnolia and I have dinner with our father.

God, life was so much simpler before you and I became friends.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hello.

Uh, you gonna explain the outfit or... ?

Oh, it's for the Gainey party.

We ran into a wall with Scooter McGreevy.

But don't worry, all will be rectified soon.

Great.

Annabeth.

Oh, you look adorable.

Thank you, Lemon.

Actually, you look beautiful.

Oh...

You ready to go to a party?

Mm-hmm.

Wait... wait... (giggles)

You two are, um, going to the party together?

That's really none of your concern.

Shall we?

Yes.

(sighs)

Gosh, look how cute they look.

I really hope they're getting back together.

Oh! I'm gonna k*ll him.

Me, too!

G.T.'s here.

He can help!

And bail us out when we go to jail.

Okay, hold on. What's... what's going on?

Scooter took me to dinner, but he didn't propose.

Well, maybe he'll do it another time, Tans.

No, he won't live to get the chance.

Turns out he's seeing someone else, someone from work.

Melissa Lynn. She's a paralegal.

He says he loves her.

That freakin' weasel.

Next time I see him, I'm gonna wring his neck.

I'm gonna wring his insides.

What kind of fool name is Scooter?

Yeah, good point, Chicken.

He's not good enough to be a Truitt.

I loved him, he just... he didn't love me back.

Because he's a moron.

A soon-to-be-sorry moron.

Hey, Tans, we're your brothers.

We're gonna fix this.

Now, first, we need to get drunk.

Sounds like a good idea.

(Tansy laughs)

Good idea.

That's why I love you guys.

Then we're gonna steal McGreevy's car.

Uh, illegal.

Then we need to smash McGreevy's windows.

Illegal.

Then we're gonna to let the air out of McGreevy's tires.

Possibly.

All right!

(laughs)

Let's do it!

Cheers.

Good luck with the baby, Dr. Hart.

You're gonna be a great mom.

Mother: Yes, children... are life-changing. Good luck.

Thank you.

Dr. Hart, have you seen...

Brick, this is Scarlett and this is Mrs...

Uh, uh... Kincaid.

Nice to meet you.

Okay, baby, let's go.

(door opens)

(door bell jingles)

(door shuts)

Brick? Are you okay?

You look like you saw a ghost.

That's Alice.

Alice, as in...

Alice my ex-wife.

Shut the front door!

Here.

Thank you.

Well, that was a shock.

Clearly, Mrs. Kincaid hadn't let her new family know about her old family.

I've imagined that moment so many times inside my head but instead of saying what I have been sitting on all these years...

I just shook her hand.

After 15 years.

She just seemed so normal.

I wish I would have known who she was.

I would have stabbed her with a measles vaccine.

(chuckles)

I'm so sorry.

(exhales)

I'm okay.

Thank you, Zoe.

I think it goes without saying we won't mention this to Lemon and Magnolia.

No, of course not.

And Brick?

For what it's worth, it was her loss entirely.

Hell, yeah.

(laughs)

(sighs)

♪ ♪

Okay, okay, let's, let's review the plan.

Okay. Wait till Mayor Gainey is in a good mood-slash-drunk, and then we amble over.

And butter him up with some small talk.

Casually segue the conversation over to football.

Yeah. Then I'll say what a bummer it is neither of us can host the State Championship game alone.

And then, casually, I suggest a merger.

Ha!

Let's do this.

All right.

Okay. Where is he?

I don't know.

Where is he...

Oh. There he is.

Why does he look like he is not in a good mood? Or drunk?

Lavon: Mayor Gainey, hello!

Um, you look very handsome.

Are those new boots?

Out of all the low-life things you've done, this takes the cake.

Security!

Whoa, wait, no, no. You don't understand...

Oh, I understand perfectly.

You're crashing my wife's birthday party to get me to co-host some damn football game.

Yeah, Scooter already filled me in on your cockamamie plan!

Well, uh...

Gloria: Nonsense!

I invited them.

Annabeth, I am so thrilled you could make it!

Todd, it is my birthday party and I wanted Annabeth here.

And if she wanted to bring her boyfriend, so be it.

Maybe it's time for you two to bury the hatchet.

Uh, yeah, Mrs... Mrs. Gainey is right.

I'm... I'm here with my girlfriend.

So what say we try and bury the hatchet, Todd?

"Mayor Gainey" to you.

And I ain't making no promises.

Come join us at our table.

Thank you.

Give me the pen, stick the pen in...

I don't have a pen.

What, do I look like I'm made of pens?

No, but you should carry a pen at all times.

What if you need a pen in an emergency...

(gasps)

Look!

There is Scooter and his new girlfriend.

That is not a flattering look on her.

Mm-mm.

You should have seen my costume for this thing.

It was hot.

Do you still have this costume?

It's in my trunk.

Okay.

Well, let's get it and let's make Scooter pay for this mistake.

We'll man the getaway car.

(laughing)

Rocket: Oh, no worries.

I'm designated driver.

Oh, oh! Sir. Sir, sir.

Sir, sir.

$20 for your costume.

You look good!

Go, GT!

I can't believe you sent Chet out.

I wanted him to meet Daddy.

Really?

Yes. Daddy is more reasonable than you think.

Okay, just because we convinced Daddy to try asparagus does not mean he's going to allow his teenage daughter to run off with a rodeo clown.

He is not a clown.

He is a steer roper.

Hey.

Oh...

Magnolia, you are so grown-up.

Just give me a big hug, all right?

(giggles)

Lemonade, you, too.

Group hug, here.

Oh, I'm so glad to see my girls.

My sweet girls.

Daddy, are you dying or something?

(laughs) No. I am great.

I am just happy to see the two of you. Ooh-ooh.

Now, Magnolia, tell me everything that's going on.

I want to hear it all.

Ooh, this party's swanky.

Look at that food spread.

I'm hungry.

Quick snack, then we get Scooter.

That's a good idea.

Hello, there, Scott.

How's your night?

How did you get in here?

I was on the list.

Guess you forgot to have them scratch my name.

You remember my date, George Tucker?

I can't believe you watch it!

Do you know I know him?

Oh, come on, Lavon.

You know Don Todd?

Very well, actually.

Here, wait. Let me show you some texts.

(chuckles) Wait till you see this, Todd.

What the hell are George and Tansy doing here?

Uh, I... I don't know. Who cares?

All right, now, he-he's on a journey of self-discovery.

- He calls it Don Todd's Love Safari.

Yeah

You see, now, th-that's a picture of a girl he met in the Bahamas.

Tansy: I hope it doesn't bother you seeing me here with George.

Certainly doesn't bother me seeing you with Melissa Lynn, that backstabbing jezebel. (chuckles)

Lavon: You see the kangaroo in the background?

I sure do.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Now, this... this one's my favorite. Right there.

See them snakes?

You know Don Todd.

So... you work for the rodeo, huh?

That must be cool.

Ride the horses, meet the ladies.

You know how it is.

Oh, I know how it is. Yeah.

But, uh, you got a girlfriend now.

Maybe it's time you... reform.

What girlfriend are you referring to exactly?

Uh, Magnolia Breeland.

(both chuckle)

I assure you, she's not my girlfriend.

We're just having fun.

Does she know that?

I'm 17 years old. I look like this.

Gonna live the life I was meant to.

Yeah, well, listen, Chet... you're gonna live the life I let you live.

And that means staying far, far away from Magnolia.

What are you gonna do about it, old man?

(chuckles)

Old man?

Old man? Listen, you arrogant, obnoxious little...

Why are you staring at me?

That ain't cool.

I mean it. You're creeping me out.

Don't move.

Zoe: What's going on?

Wade (over phone): Zoe,

I am freaking out.

About what?

Well, I just met Chet, Magnolia's little boyfriend, this cocky, annoying little bastard who thinks he's God's gift to women 'cause he rides bulls at the rodeo.

I have a feeling I know where you're going with this.

Zoe, he's me. He's younger me.

And we have to raise one of those.

A... and what with Crazy Earl and your absent father... no offense...

None taken.

We don't have any role models. Zoe, don't you see?

Our son's gonna be a grade-A butt yank.

Yes. Thank you for pointing out what I already knew this morning.

(door bell jingles)

I have to go, okay?

Wait. I'm...

Dr. Hart.

Uh, Mrs. Kincaid, what... what are you doing here?

Uh, I was hoping to... um, to talk with Dr. Breeland.

What? Why?

He told you who I am?

Yes. Yes, he did.

Look, I...

I had no choice but to come here today, you realize that.

(sighs) I did a...

... terrible thing.

For 15 years, I've lived with that.

With that guilt.

But, uh... seeing Brick just made me realize that I need to explain myself.

For them.

Would you please just tell him I stopped by?

(indistinct chatter, laughter, music playing)

So, uh, things seem to be going pretty well between Lavon and Mayor Gainey.

Seriously?

Why are you even here, George?

I'm here with Tansy...

Oh, yeah. I noticed that.

Heard she and Scooter broke up.

Looks like you two had quite the adorable reunion.

No, I'm here with Tansy because Scooter was cheating on her, and we're trying to make him jealous.

But you...

(laughs) you are the one that's over there holding hands with Mayor Hayes!

That is none of your business.

Lavon can't possibly be over Lemon.

You know it and I know it.

So, why would you be holding his hand?

Because we had to pretend to be a couple in order to get to Gainey!

Well, Lavon shouldn't be doing that!

He knows how you feel about him, and he should not be leading you on!

He's not leading me on.

I am completely over Lavon Hayes!

Wait. What? You are?

Yes! And you know how I know?

Because the second you walked in the door with Tansy, I couldn't stop wanting to m*rder you!

So, you do like me?

Yes! You moron!

(clears throat) Look, it is no secret how I feel about you, McGreevy, but...

I do owe you a huge debt of gratitude.

Is that right?

Yeah, you breaking up with Tansy?

Oh, that is a gift.

Tansy Truitt is a bona fide catch.

I mean, a girl like that doesn't come along all that often... I mean, she's funny, she's sweet, she'sclever as a whip... the kind of girl that keeps you on your toes.

You shouldn't let a girl like that slip through your fingers.

I certainly won't again.

But, uh... (laughs) you enjoy your new paramour.

She seems... predictable.

Lavon: Well, gentlemen...

I think it's time we all talk a little football.

Uh, the man knows Don Todd. I think we need to hear him out.

(Gloria laughing)

I agree!

What's the point of anything, if you can't walk around your own house nude?

Excuse me, one moment.

Gloria, I am so sorry I lied to you about being with Lavon.

He is here to talk Mayor Gainey into co-hosting the state football game.

I do not appreciate being put in the middle of their feud, again, on my birthday.

No, I know you're right, and you have been such a great friend to me, Gloria. I...

I shouldn't have let you down like that.

Excuse me, I need to mingle.

(knocking on door)

Oh!

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Oh! Dr. Hart.

Crashing yet another Breeland family event.

Or are you just here for the roast?

I... I am hungry.

Uh, b... but, um, there's a problem with a patient.

And, um, Brick, I really need to consult with you.

Sorry... but if there's any leftover roast, I am eating for two.

What is going on?

Alice came by.

What?!

I don't think that she'll come to the house.

But I think she wants to make amends.

Not that she deserves forgiveness.

Because she doesn't.

Here's her card.

(mutters quietly)

Look, maybe I was worth leaving at the time.

But... but those girls?

No. You don't...

You just... you stay.

Look, I have been there every day for those girls, and doing what parents are supposed to do.

You know, just... trying your best.

(sighs)

George: So... the parade in Bluebell, the game right here in Fillmore.

Now, this endeavor could be extremely beneficial for both our towns.

Personally, I'd rather swallow my own fist then team with Bluebell.

But Mayor Gainey, obviously, the decision is yours.

Well, uh, I always like to err on the side that's gonna make me richer.

And I do own the hot dog franchise in the stadium, so, uh... let's do it.

(laughing)

There's something you need to know.

Y... yes, dear?

It's my birthday, and I want to dance.

Tansy: That ambrosia salad looks divine.

And those teeny, tiny marshmallows!

(laughs) Tansy... seeing you with Tucker tonight, I've realized I've made a terrible mistake. I want to unbreak up. Please.

Are you serious?

Come here, then.

(laughs) (laughing)

Oh! Oh!

Oh...

(laughs)

(music playing, crowd chatter)

Hey, Lavon, I want you to know that this alliance is purely temporary.

I still hate you, and always will.

Oh, likewise.

Hey, thanks for tonight.

We did it!

We got ourselves a football game.

Yeah.

(both laugh) And I had fun.

Me, too.

And it definitely cleared some stuff up for me, too.

Which is why I have to go.

Magnolia: Where is Chet?

I haven't heard from him in two hours.

Maybe he's come to his senses.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means, I had Wade give him a little talking to.

You did what?!

Daddy! Daddy, you are not going to believe...

You're leaving? Where are you going?

Well, I'm sorry, but I have a patient.

Uh, and I wouldn't leave if it wasn't important, but, uh, this patient has issues, and I have questions... long time questions that I have to get the answers to... so, I will see you when I get back.

(sighs)

I'm going to go find Chet.

(keypad beeps)

Hi. It's Brick.

I can meet now. And I'll be at the office.

You should have seen this kid, Zoe.

He was arrogant and spoiled and...

You know, maybe they made a mistake.

Maybe there was, like, a... a freaky tail or something.

That would... that would actually be kind of cool.

No.

Then we are up Christmas Creek.

We might be.

But the good news is that we are in this together.

Now, all we can do is our best, and if we just be there every day, and do the work, read, like, a zillion books, and maybe ban crossbows from our house...

... then maybe we can avoid making our own little Truitt brothers.

Or Chet. (groans)

So bad. (laughs)

So bad. (laughing)

You feel better now?

Yeah.

But there is one more thing I need to do before I am all the way better.

Does it involve me taking off my clothes?

For once, good doctor, it does not.

(knocking on door) Annabeth!

Come in.

(sighs)

I'm so glad to see you.

Look, Lemon, you are not always easy, and you are a giant meddler.

That is occasionally true.

Mm-hmm. And I was very... irritated, I think is the right word, when you used George and I as pawns to get what you want.

But you're my best friend, and I want you to be happy.

Lavon loves you, you love Lavon.

It is plain as day.

Then what are you saying?

Well, I'm saying... no, I am demanding... that you go and find him and tell him that.

Right now!

(laughs)

(Annabeth chuckles)

Go!

♪ Holy rollers, see me rise ♪
♪ For a night ♪
♪ Stand... tall... ♪
♪ I'm a believer... ♪

You see, riding bulls it's all in the hips.

Wade: Hey, Elvis, time for a lesson in civility.

Whoa! We were just talking, bro.

Shut up, Chet.

Just shut up, okay?

See, I get you.

I get you deeply.

But Magnolia, she's a good girl, and she is way better than all this.

Man, this is getting weird.

You obsessed with me or something?

Oh, yeah, that's it.

I'm obsessed with you.

(scoffing): Come on.

Thanks, Wade, but I think I can take it from here.

You worthless worm, you're not gonna be able to see or pee by the time I'm through with you, so you better run!

Run!

(sighs)

Give me my bat.

Mm-hmm.

You know, come to think of it, raising an Alabama girl looks pretty darn complicated, too.

True. Very true.

Oh, uh, Annabeth. Hi.

Hi.

I... I'm here because...

I think we should take a chance.

Well, if your offer still stands.

And, uh, I'd really love to go on a date with you, George Tucker.

Well, I would... (laughs)

I would really love that, too.

Good.

Great.

Okay. (laughs)

Uh, I'll see you then.

Oh, yes, you will.

Okay.

(laughing) Okay.

Evening, Maybelline.

It's a lovely night, isn't it?