01x03 - Anouk

[bunniefuu]

Rosie: Previously on The Slap...

Don't walk away from me, huh. Listen to me!

Do you hit your wife? Do you hit her?

God, I hope she sees who you are.

No!

Officer: Mr. Apostolou, we have a warrant.

I'm sorry, Sandi.

Officer: You have to come with us.

This whole thing with the barbecue, this slap thing...

I didn't see it.

How could you not have?

My attention was elsewhere.

Harry: Where?

Age-wise, I would say you're, like,

28.

This is my friend Jamie.

He seems nice.

Yeah.

Is he underage?

Anouk: I really like him.

You think he's shagging the head writer to get more scenes?

I don't know. Something's off.

You come from a place where men can get away with whatever they want, but the world has changed.

They're going to come after you.

Male narrator: On the day in question, Anouk told herself that nothing could be more pleasant than being with the people she loved.

[Kids arguing]

And as a woman with no particular interest in a children's games, her attention wandered.

[Kids arguing indistinctly]

Gary: Hey, Hugo, you're out, buddy.

You had three strikes.

Harry: Hey, Hugo, you hear us talking to you?

Put the bat down, huh.

Let go.

Hugo, hey. Put down the bat.

Huh?

Narrator: And so she had missed the very moment that defined that day.

[Slap!]

Or so she thought.

You sick bastard!

Ahh!

Narrator: And by the time she turned back to see its aftermath, all she could think about was, given who we are and what we do, why on earth would anyone want to have a relationship, let alone children?

[Door squeaks and shuts]

[Jamie yawns]

Hello.

Oh, so those are your friends.

Yeah.

Those are my friends.

It's a rough crowd.

Do they all b*at up babies?

Only me.

Oh.

Hey, what's with... What's with, um, Hector and the girl?

You saw that?

As did you.

You want to compare notes?

Let's see, I saw...

I saw them talking about the flowers and Hector was listening with the kind of intensity that...

That can only mean "I want to have sex with you."

You?

I saw caressing/face touching with hand holding at crotch level, all while gazing into each other's eyes.

Yeah, well, they haven't done it yet, but they're about to.

People already into the affair are cautious, but they're at the stage of the infection where the lust is roving madly in their brain and they're careless.

You know a lot about infidelity.

It's not my first rodeo.

Okay, professor, so should I say something to my friend Aisha?

I mean, how should I know?

She's your best friend.

Listen, how about I take you home, make some pancakes?

Let me do it.

No. I have to write.

Episode 208, they have you going to a sex party thinking it is a book club.

[Laughs] That's crazy.

I wouldn't be caught dead at a book club.

No. No, I'm staying.

I'm coming home.

No. No.

I'm making Turkish coffee and writing all night.

Believe me, we'll have you exploring whether you're gay.

Well, maybe I am.

Especially if my girlfriend keeps pushing me away.

[Scoffs]

I'm not your girlfriend.

Look, you're dropping me off, going back to that hovel of yours, actor boy, and that's the last word on the subject.

[Moaning]

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God!

[Gasps]

[Moans]

[Phone vibrating]

[Quietly] Aish.

Aisha on phone: Hey. Sorry for calling you so late. Are you working?

[Whispering] No, no, I'm fine.

Just, you know, I think I'm getting a little bug or something.

What's up?

Aisha on phone: We have to talk about what happened at the barbecue.

I think things are starting to spin out of control.

You have no idea.

[Slow jazz music]

["Habits" by Fort Frances playing]

♪ Got to get a routine ♪
♪ Get myself clean ♪

I'm sorry I'm late.

I was trying to explain irony to the brats.

Oh, yeah? And what did you say?

A guy gets dental floss stuck in his gum while trying to clean his teeth.

Blah, blah, blah. [Laughs]

I shouldn't be telling you this.

You probably, what, saved someone's leg or something.

Hi.

Hey.

Yeah, I...

I saved someone's entire leg.

[Chuckles]

How are you?

I'm... Nervous and twitchy.

I'm seeing my mother later.

Come on.

If I had with my mother what you have with yours, I...

Well, be careful what you wish for.

Here she is.

Hey, guys!

Oh. Ooh.

You both look lovely.

Who's having wine?

They have the best branzino here.

Someone's in a good mood.

Did Aisha tell you about Harry's arrest?

We're finally getting somewhere.

We talked to the prosecutor and she said that this establishes a...

Oh, what did she say?

Propensity towards v*olence.

What are dayboat scallops?

Forgive me if I don't feel like celebrating the arrest of my husband's cousin.

[Chuckles] Aisha, this is important.

Hugo, Adam, Melissa, they need to see that there is justice in the world.

Rosie, let it go.

What?

Stop. Let it go.

Five-year-olds get slapped all the time, and they heal.

They do not.

They do.

But I'm not so sure we will.

What about us?

Hector, Aisha?

Putting Harry away, these are issues that could haunt us forever.

Rosie: And you know this how, Anouk?

By writing your TV show?

Oh, I'm incapable of holding an opinion about a child because I've never had children.

No, no, no, no. Rosie...

Anouk: Aisha, let me finish.

She shouldn't ask what I think if she doesn't want to know.

I mean, I'm fascinated by this perception that unless one has children, one is somehow exempted from...

Fine, why don't you tell me what you would do if it were your child.

If I had a kid and Harry slapped it, I would k*ll him myself, but I wouldn't drag in the law...

What do I tell Hugo? Just forget?

Well, for starters, you could teach him that waving a baseball bat in other kids' faces is not much more acceptable than getting slapped by a grownup.

As much as I'd love to stay and do this, because this is so very much fun, I have to go see my mother and... it takes forever to get to the Upper West Side.

I got to go.

Anouk, loved the show this week.

The wedding in the empty pool... Crazy.

Thanks, Tommy.

Sorry.

It's okay.

What's up?

[Door opens]

Hi, Ben.

Hey, Anouk.

I loved last week's episode.

Thanks.

Didn't understand a word of it.

Might as well have been speaking Urdu.

Thank you, Mother.

Told you to stop watching.

What's with the cane?

Oh, God. Nothing.

I twisted my ankle taking a walk in Central Park.

The squirrels have gone mad.

Ben, is Virginia making you work too hard?

No.

Yes.

Ben is not your sl*ve, Mom.

It's precisely what he is until he graduates and is set loose on the unsuspecting psychiatric patient population of New York.

[Chuckles] What are you doing here?

Mom, you said you had some news.

Oh, I do?

Ben: Yes. The...

Oh! I do. Right.

Oh, it's nothing, really.

I shouldn't have had you run up here.

Doctor, it's not nothing.

Oh, I like that, "not nothing."

What is not nothing? I mean, is something something?

Well, it seems that they've taken the decision deep within the academic bowels of Columbia to publish a two-volume book of my collected lectures.

Yeah, and we're scrambling to make sense of her handwriting.

Virginia, that's great.

I know you've wanted this.

Anyway, it's a limited edition...

Limited to the 18 people who might read it.

Ben, I'm going to have tea with my daughter.

Make interesting stacks to sort through.

Stacks?

One on lies, one on narcissism, one on greed.

One on mothers.

[Laughs]

Maybe you're right.

Maybe the show has not rotted her brain completely.

[Kettle whistling]

You look awful.

What's going on?

I'm fine, Mother.

Let me feel your forehead.

Leave my forehead.

I need to talk to you about something.

Yeah, shush. Tell me your symptoms.

I... I'm all worn out is all.

I'm... My stomach is weird.

I'm snappish and stuff.

Everyone in this city is.

Or maybe you're pregnant.

I'm most certainly not pregnant.

What kind of doctor are you?

Virginia.

Pregnant... God. [Laughs]

Oh, you probably need iron. Swim in the ocean.

No one swims after August.

I swam Scarborough my entire childhood, all through the winter.

You are English, aren't you?

Anouk: Why do you never answer my emails?

I'd never see you if I did.

And besides, the only thing it's really good for is shopping for Fair Isle knits and sensible shoes.

There is something wrong, isn't there?

Of course, if I'd been paying attention, I probably would have slapped him myself.

Well, you didn't because your eyes are glued on Hector and the salacious babysitter.

With whom it is quite possible he is having a torrid affair.

Well, he may well be. What's it to do with you?

Have more shortbread.

[Sighs]

Aisha is my best friend.

I feel I should tell her.

Oh, really? You do? Hmm.

I guess that's what I'm asking.

Well, you know I don't give advice, but since you asked, you saw the wrong thing.

You could have been looking at a...

A purple finch or your watch or into the eyes of this Jamie person.

You had bad luck.

People have bad luck all the time.

Your father had bad luck.

Tiny, little capillary in his brain.

I don't see how that's quite relevant right now, Mother.

The point is, you really think telling her will make things better?

Because I think exposing people to painful realities isn't all that great.

There's nothing you can do to make it better.

But then I am lying to a friend.

Saving someone you love from upsetting news is not the same as lying.

Denial is a useful tool, darling.

I use it, as you well know, all the time.

Let's not get started on that, shall we?

No, no. Let's not talk about denial.

Not when you could be telling me how much you don't like this Jamie fella.

Mm, you never bring your boyfriends anywhere.

I've never met them.

What are you doing tomorrow night?

It's going to be my birthday.

Not for another month.

Be here at 7:00.

Let's see if he's worth his salt.

Hmm.

Oh, and in terms of this barbecue you seem so upset about, I wouldn't talk to the victim. I'd talk to the perpetrator.

[Doorbell rings]

Daddy! Anouk's here!

What'd you bring?

Did you bring things?

I don't bring stuff for you creatures every time I come.

I'm not gonna spoil you.

Really... I don't.

I swear.

You know you do.

You're so stupid.

[Gasps] Where did this come from?

Amazing. Wow.

[Hector chuckles]

They're not dogs, you know.

[Growling]

Maybe they are. [Chuckles]

Hey, Aisha's not home from work.

Did you guys have a...

No.

I just want a beer before I go see Jamie's band.

He's playing at a club in Red Hook.

Oh. Cool. All right.

So... I really like Jamie.

Yeah?

Yeah, he's... He's very...

I don't know.

I like him too.

You know what the name of his band is?

Hmm?

Useless Precaution.

Ring a bell for ten points?

Mm, it's the name of the fake opera in The Barber of Seville?

Oh, you really know your music.

Mm.

Don't you?

I spend a lot of time alone.

I don't know if I really like him or if he just reminds me of the opportunities I missed when I was younger.

[Chuckles]

What does that even mean?

Listen.

I saw my mother today and it really brought something home.

You guys are the closest thing I've ever had to family.

Hmm.

And?

And...

It's precious.

So if someone's gonna have an inappropriate dalliance with a young person, it should be me.

Don't say anything.

There's no one around me that can get hurt.

This is the only house in the world where I can show up without calling first, and I don't want to lose that.

Nothing happened.

I love you, Hector.

Don't make me a liar.

Jamie: ♪ Is it off ♪
♪ Another night in shape ♪
♪ 'Cause you saw them all ♪
♪ Only every other one ♪
♪ Why you got to be so cynical? ♪
♪ I'm not your average mother's son ♪
♪ So evil ♪
♪ No, you're... People like you change ♪
♪ All but in the light ♪
♪ Never gonna know what it's like ♪
♪ We're burning up ♪
♪ Burning up ♪
♪ So stay another minute ♪
♪ Say nothing ♪
♪ No ♪
♪ You're not the one I feel... ♪

[Vomiting]

[Spits]

[Breathing heavily]

[Toilet flushes]

[Water running]

[Gargles]

[Spits]

[Coughs]

[Cheers and applause]

Jamie: Thank you, guys.

Thank you so much.

[Cheers and applause]

Oh, I'm sorry. Was it that bad?

No. Love that song.

I just...

I feel weird. I...

I think I'm getting a bug or something.

My life is becoming like our show.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you poor thing.

What's wrong?

I had lunch with Rosie, who is like Joan of Arc about Hugo.

Yeah?

And my mother is more eccentric and opinionated than ever.

There's something she's not telling me.

Now she wants to meet you.

That's great.

The legendary Virginia. That's...

No.

Not good.

What are you so embarrassed of?

Jamie, it's nothing.

You're wonderful.

I wasn't talking about me.

You want to go?

Can we go to a drugstore or something?

Think I need some aspirin.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Cashier: You're all set.

[Coins clatter]

All right.

Hey. Sorry.

It's the weed. I...

Okay. That's it.

[Cash register beeps]

Crap.

Whoa.

This cartoon makes me believe in God.

It's here. Oh.

Hi.

Oh. We met.

Oh... Hi. Yes.

Hi.

We love your show.

It's droll.

Oh, you are so cute.

You have some eyes on you, don't you?

So are you moving into the building?

Yeah, we just passed the board.

Oh. Congratulations.

I know. Okay.

We'll continue this conversation later.

All right?

She's adorable.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

[Knocks lightly]

Ah.

Fashionably late, as usual.

Mother.

Hmm.

This is James. Jamie.

Hello.

Now, who dresses you for the show?

'Cause you look a hell of a lot better in a good suit.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you.

I'm Virginia, and I'm sure you've heard quite more than you needed to about me.

All good.

[Chuckles]

Jamie, it's not good to lie to a psychiatrist.

We always know. Take this.

Oh, most of it is good.

Stop.

Oh, let's talk about the not-so-good, shall we?

Raj: In fact, what we are finding is that soon enough we'll be able to, through imaging, pinpoint the exact location of the traumatic memory in the brain and tailor dr*gs to your precise psychic trauma.

That's years away, Raj.

And it sounds like years when you're talking about it.

Oh, God. I'm sorry.

Did I get you?

My eyes... I missed the glass.

Do you need new specs?

Oh, these are new.

I'll pour for you, Mom.

No, no. You have the rest.

Raj: My mother always said that was good luck.

If spilled wine comes towards you, it means you'll be getting money soon.

Oh, that's the last thing Anouk needs.

Her show throws money at her by the bucket.

And you're the head writer.

You're so gorgeous.

It's a waste of talent.

Waste of talent... Oh, God, I wish you had seen Anouk's first play when she still did that. It was thrilling.

Mm-hmm, hilarious, opaque, bitter, evil.

Mike Nichols loved it.

But now she's doing this.

Ben: Say what you want, that show's the only thing Sean and I have date night for.

We order in Second Avenue Deli and binge-watch.

You're saving my relationship.

I know that the show is funny, but I...

I don't know, I just find it terribly sad.

Anouk: Oh, Mom, please. Not...

Sad?

All those aimlessly self-obsessed young people fornicating and then chasing their tails after iced macchiatos or whatever they are.

Really, Virginia, I think... I think that's a simplification.

The world is more complicated than that for my generation.

Woman: My grandkids all went to Yale and are all doing fine now.

One is transitioning from a boy to a girl, but he's managing a hedge fund.

Season three.

Why not? Yeah.

Ten years worth of stories right here at this table.

Oh, Mom, I saw this attractive young couple with a baby in the elevator.

Finally getting some young blood in the building, aren't you?

In fact, they bought this apartment, my dear.

I sold them the apartment.

What...

I don't understand. What did you say? What?

I was offered an endowed chair at the University of Edinburgh.

One lecture a month, advise a postdoc or two.

Raj: Exceptional.

They are very excited to have you.

Am I hearing this right?

I get a lovely flat, and my brother, your uncle, is an hour and a bit away.

I never see him.

You've sold our home and are moving to Scotland.

You never like coming all the way up here.

It's so inconvenient.

As opposed to Scotland?

Listen, darling, this has never really felt like home to me.

Are you actually telling me this in front of a dinner table of strangers?

They're not strangers to me.

Why are you so upset?

Mother, a word, please?

Excuse us.

You're angry with me.

I'm angry with you.

Well, you're becoming very perceptive.

This is not a cataclysm.

Listen to me. I must get on with my life.

Did you ever think this might be the worst possible time for you to do this?

And why on earth did you have to do this in front of your friends?

Do you not see the hostility?

Darling, if I told you privately, you'd beg me to stay and I could never say no to you.

Are you sure you're thinking clearly?

Have you had some sort of mental...

I already bought you a ticket to come at Christmas.

It's lovely there at the holidays, and you've never had a proper English Christmas.

If Jamie's still in the picture, please bring him, but it's decided.

Well, how easy for you.

I've only stayed as long as I have for you.

Don't be afraid.

Everyone has to lose something as they get older.

Your youth goes, your parents.

Maybe your marbles go.

So long as you fear loss, you will never really be living your life.

We'll have a wonderful time at Christmas.

You're a very strong person.

I'm alone tonight. Okay?

Okay.

You're not alone, you know.

Oh, you were nice last night.

Mm.

I'll regret it.

[Chuckles]

How come I never know when you're in costume?

I should have known you wouldn't tell me.

Tell you what?

Oh, Anouk, come on.

If you're throwing up in act one, we both know by act four, you're pregnant.

The mood swings, the fatigue, the nausea...

You're pregnant, baby.

Jamie, I really can't deal with this right now.

I know we may be a weird couple, but think about it.

What's so great about being a normal couple?

I am 13 years older than you.

And I'm catching up fast.

I think I could be a good dad.

I even came up with a name: Olive.

Olive? Olive.

I'm ready to not only live for me now and my band and hanging out and acting cool and k*lling...

There's so much k*lling time.

Aren't you?

I don't know.

You're so smart.

You have so much. Don't waste it.

Let's just do it.

Do what?

Let's get married and be together and have fun with Olive or add an "R" for Oliver and show whomever's in your belly how great life can be.

I think about breaking up with you ten times a day just so that I don't have to think about you.

I know... [Chuckles]

I know, but you haven't.

But I should.

I really should.

You're the most beautiful man I ever met, but...

I just don't want this.

I don't.

And I don't want you.

So this was... This was what?

Just k*lling time.

[Door opens]

Hey, they said you were outside.

Is this a drop-in?

I'm sorry.

I just... Um, I need to see you.

I didn't know...

Well, you're the only person...

Are you okay?

No.

I need your help.

Can you sit?

No, I don't think I can.

All right. No sitting.

I need an abortion.

Uh, an abortion?

I think you skipped over the part where you told me you were pregnant.

You're pregnant?

Yes, and I would prefer not to be, so that's the name of that tune.

All right, you need to sit down.

Hi.

Yeah. Can you...

I just need a few minutes. I'll call you back.

Yeah, Mrs. Cooper can wait.

And no calls. Okay?

Thanks, Conn.

I just... I need a referral.

Okay. Slow down.

So am I right to assume that Jamie's the dad?

He is.

He is, and you're not happy.

Okay. So where to begin?

Is there a medical reason that I'm not aware of which would mean you wouldn't have a healthy child?

Or some reason why you couldn't take care of it?

No.

I'm a perfectly healthy woman.

Blah, blah, blah.

Aisha, why the interrogation?

Please don't.

Oh, Anouk, you're my dearest friend, but when you're in my office, you're my patient, and I need to ask you certain questions.

Maybe it was unfair to come to you with this.

Oh, stop. Stop.

You're not going anywhere.

Come on. Sit down. It's me.

Just answer me one thing.

Why?

Is it Jamie?

It has nothing to do with him.

Then what is it, love?

I don't know.

Why are you being so cautious?

Because it's my last chance?

What, to have a kid?

Well, it's only gonna get harder, but no.

No, it's not your last chance.

Well, listen to me.

I don't know how to be a mom.

Anouk, nobody does.

That's not true.

You're... You're a perfect mother.

You give safety.

You give boundaries.

And I screw up as oftentimes as I don't.

You know what I always tell first-time parents?

You go and read one of those hideous stories about a baby being dumped in a trash can for five days and turning out fine.

You know, they're not that breakable.

But they are.

You know how you said you wished you were friends with your mom the way I am with my mom?

Well, it's true.

We are friends... now, but she was never, ever, ever a mom.

Okay.

Let me tell you something about my friend.

You know my father... d*ed during their divorce proceedings.

So I...

I went into her closet to get something black for the funeral, but I found her divorce transcript.

She didn't want custody.

She wanted me to live with him.

I only grew up with her because he d*ed.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry.

Well, I don't know what to say other than that you're here now and that you're strong.

So I'm supposed to erase this history?

Erase the fact that she didn't want a kid getting in between her brilliance...

She didn't want me?

I can't, and I don't know how to be a mom.

Did you talk to her about it?

[Laughs]

We don't do that in our household.

That's how we stay such good friends.

Oh, listen, I can't really advise you other than...

Other than, maybe, you should think about it less.

Less?

I actually think part of being a parent is learning about when to let things go.

I'm going through this thing now with Adam, my brilliant, bookish boy.

Uh, I discovered that he has developed...

[Chuckles]

A fascination with p*rn.

What?

What kind?

Uh... I don't want to know.

What did you do?

Mm.

Well, nothing. I let it be.

I mean, of course, it's embarrassing, but... sometimes I think that the way to erase the bad history is...

Is to figure out how not to touch it.

You know, just to let it go.

Why don't you go home, get some sleep, and come back tomorrow?

And we'll talk about a referral then.

[Chuckles] Okay.

[Whispers] I love you.

Yeah, I love you.

[Chuckles]

How did you find out about the p*rn?

Well, it turns out my brilliant son wasn't such a genius.

He didn't know to erase the computer history.

Mom?

[Jagged breaths]

Ben.

I wanted to tell you, but she'd have fired me.

The tripping, the spilling, the new glasses.

It's early.

There are treatments and protocol.

One is at Edinburgh.

Don't tell her.

Don't tell her I was here.

[Doorbell buzzes]

Anouk.

What's wrong? You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just have something to say.

Well, come in.

I can't.

It's just...

I was awful.

You were, but I was worse.

I was saying you didn't know anything about...

I don't.

Listen, Rosie, I still think that what's going on here could scar us all for a long time, and I still hope you think about it.

[Hugo shouts playfully]

But the way you love your son is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life.

Never let anyone tell you it isn't.

Oh.

I heard you stopped by.

I thought you were so terribly angry at me.

I can never stay angry at you for more than a day.

Oh, well, I don't believe you, but you're on to something with that.

Oh, that really... That's a very large box to be dragging around.

Your birthday present.

You recall I left before cake.

Well, I have to wait for my birthday to open it.

Sit down now.

Oh, God, my eyes are blurry lately.

You said it was a very bad time for me to leave and you're right.

I know I've handled this poorly, but there are certain factors in my life now that...

It rather means...

Stop.

Mom...

Open your present.

Will you?

Well, what's this?

Hmm?

Wow.

Ah.

Yes. Ah.

You're leaving and...

You'll be away for so very long.

Thanks. [Taps suitcase]

Yes, it's a long journey.

But you'll come at Christmas.

I wouldn't miss it.

Rituals are important, my dear.

Mom.

Mm, my daughter.

You're at a turning point in your life and you only have room to care for two people right now and I can't be one of them.

You knew?

Yeah. I get lucky sometimes.

And besides, you...

I never knew you to pass up a glass of holiday...

[Chuckles] Cheer.

[Laughs]

You know you're going to be...

You're going to be fine, don't you?

Hmm?

No one knows that.

Chances are, you will be.

You'll be utterly fine. Hmm?

Most of us are for a while, at least.

And sometimes that while lasts a very long time.

[Playing light piano music]

Meet Olive.

Or Oliver.