05x10 - The sh*t Blizzard

[bunniefuu]

(whistle blowing)

I'm saying Cyrus, Terry and Dennis got out today.

Cyrus and them ma-f*ckers are talking about how they getting out, get some a*t*matic weapons and go up Sunnyvale and k*ll them three ma-f*ckers if we don't play it.

We can't let that happen We getting out today so we gonna skate back to the park, warn these guys that these guys are coming We ain't wanna see nobody dead.

We ain't down with being dead, right?

'Cause we don't play that. We play uncleared samples -

Liquor. Dope.

Hos. Know what I mean?

Mr. Lahey, the cock's done Excellent, Randy! Excellent.

Not quite finished yet, though, bud.

Now she's done.

When are we gonna head dow to the King for the two-for-one?

Randy. (sighing)

This is bullshit, Mr. Lahey. (wind blowing)

Feel that?

Feel what, Mr. Lahey?

The way the sh*t clings to the air, Randy?

sh*t clings to the air?

It's already started, my dear good friend.

What started, Mr. Lahey? (wind blowing)

The sh*t blizzard.

(music)

Come on, Julian.

Rick, would you stop drinkin and eating and get back to work?

Holy f*ck, boys, it's cold for this time of year.

What the f*ck's going on?

Cold? Ricky, what are you talking about? It's hot as a rattlesnake t*nk Hey, what's up y'all?

What's going on?, We got some bad news, dawg, and we woulda called from jail but we couldn't.

Yeah, man.

Cyrus, Terry and Dennis got busted out the joint today and they coming looking for your candy hard, dawg.

Who bailed them out?!

Randy.

Who you think?

Oh, my f*ck.

Where the f*ck did Randy get that kind of money?

I dunno.

Omigod.

Probably from you, Julian, and your little trailer fund What are we gonna do?!

Alright, looks like we got a gunfight on our hands here, boys.

J- Roc, T, you guys gotta sh**t cover fire for me.

Dawg, we don't play g*ns, you know that, B.

We do anything else.

You want them to sh**t you Do you want them?

No.

We have to dig up under your old trailer, you know what I mean?

Oh, no!

I'll tell you right now, I am f*cking dead against gunfights I hate getting in them. Ricky and Julian, I don't think they realize how f*cking dangerous they are You guys gotta go underneath my old trailer, alright?

You'll see this cinder block. You can't miss it.

Dig underneath it, you'll find this hockey bag.

Bring it back to me as soon as you can, alright?

Don't let Lahey see you, either.

What's in the bag ma-fucker?

Never mind. You guys'll see, alright?

Just don't let Lahey see you.

Come on, Jules!

That's like going to the airport, where they're like, "Are you aware of the contents of the bag?" I'm like, "Nah.

And they're like, "D'you pack the sh*t yourself?

And I'm like, "Nah." And they're like, "You leave the sh*t unattended?" And I'm like, "I dunno, some ma-fucker might've left I under a trailer a couple years."t That's whack! - J-Roc, J-Roc, just go ge the f*cking bag for me. Alright?

A'ight.

Boys, there's gonna be a big f*cking sh**t in this park.

I gotta get Trinity out of here, alright?

Let's get her out of here.

Oh, f*ck!

(brakes squealing)

Get on your bike, go right to Grandma's house.

Don't stop anywhere, don't talk to anybody.

Just go right there and call Mommy when you get there, okay?

Okay.

You know how much Daddy loves you, right?

How much?

More than anything there ever has been gonna happen and can ever really happen, times ten.

Sunnyvale lock. Whoosh!

(clattering)

What are you boys doing?

Transporting firearms is illegal, isn't it?

They g*ns -

We found under your trailer.

They just came from your house, man.

That's a good point J-Roc.

Damn right, ma-fucker.

Those aren't our -

Randy.

You boys carry on now. Sorry for the interruption Mr. Lahey!

Randy!

That's f*cking crazy, man. Let's get this sh*t out of here.

In the trunk.

Here's your damn g*ns, Julian.

We out, man.

What?

We don't play g*ns, dawg.

g*ns k*ll, man.

We ain't down with k*lling, we down with chillin'.

Peace.

Peace.

Thanks for your help, boys. Thanks a lot.

(whistling)

Here, Corey, Trevor, Corey, Trevor!

(whistling) Here, boys!

Let's move. Get over here, boys.

Alright, take this one. Be careful, though.

Get up on Mrs. Peterson's roof, alright?

You're gonna be the lookouts. If sh*t gets too heavy, I want you to get off the roof, go hide in Lucy's and stay You guys don't leave there until I come get you, got it Yeah, that's cool.

This is a pirate's g*n.

Well, Trevor, that makes you Long John Dickweed, then.

Get up on the roof, boys, get going.

Well, that should do it, buddy. Good job.

Let's get the g*ns loaded up.

Julian, wait.

Listen, I don't ask you for many things, but I'm f*cking terrified here, I'll tell you right now.

Is there any way we can not do this gunfight, please Bubs, you don't have to be involved if you don't want to.

Yes, I do, Julian. That's the thing.

If you and Ricky are involved, then I'm gonna be involved and I got a bad feeling about this, , like we could either get k*lled or go back to jail forever and I don't want us to get k*lled.

There's got to be another way. (crying)

What's wrong, Bubs? You alright?

I'm crying, Ricky, if you must know.

'Cause I'm f*cking upset!

We gotta get the rest of the hash ripped up.

Let's get some g*ns, boys, and hide. He's gonna be here Change of plans, Rick. No g*ns.

What do you mean, no g*ns?

Listen, I'm gonna take care of this. You guys go hide.

He's gonna f*cking sh**t us!

Ricky, go hide.

No g*ns. Got it?

(speaking Japanese)

What the f*ck is that?

I think it's a giant cock and some guy's riding it like a cowboy.

Is that you, Cyrus?

Can't you f*cking read, Terry?

That's my name with an arrow pointing at it Yeah, it is you.

f*ck off, we got work to do.

f*ck, here he is.

Oh, f*ck.

(speaking Japanese)

Know what I'm sayin', Terry?

Holy f*ck, it better not be scratched Where's my f*cking g*n? I told you we should have g*ns Okay, guys! We have the car, we want our hash!

We don't want any trouble, but we don't mind making some!

f*ck!

Now get the f*ck out here!

Bubbles: Omigod.

Alright, Cyrus, you win.

We surrender.

Julian, what the f*ck are you doing?!

Ricky, we're surrendering. Get the f*ck out here!

Come on, Ricky.

Jesus Christ.

Don't f*cking sh**t us, Cyrus.

You would've did the same thing, man, alright?

It's a perfect f*cking plan, Cyrus.

Alright, to be honest with you...

I look up to you, man.

You're f*cking with me.

No, we all look up to you, Cyrus. Right, boys? Right, Rick?

I mean, a lot of people in jail think you're pretty good at stuff and...

I know I do, Cyrus, with your excellent jacket Yeah, well, okay, we get the car, we get the hash, but what about the cock drawing on Lahey's trailer?

Cock drawing?

Yeah!

There's a f*cking cowboy sitting on a cock back there, with my name and an arrow pointing to him and your f*cking name on the bottom of it!

I can't even f*cking draw, Cyrus.

This is by Lahey's trailer?

Yeah.

Well, boys, he masterminded this whole thing.

Who let you out of jail?

f*ck, that fat f*ck Randy.

Look, Cyrus, everything's cool here.

Just, there's your hash, it's all cut up nice.

You guys take that.

It doesn't look like it's going too well, dude.

Let's give it another second They've got the hash. I think Cyrus overpowered them and they took the hash.

Something's going on, dude. It doesn't look right.

We got to do something.

It doesn't look right.

Julian, radio Corey and Trevor and tell them not to f*cking sh**t at anybody.

Corey and Trevor, this is Julian.

As soon as you see Cyrus - (static) -take the sh*t.

That's it, man. He said take the sh*t, dude.

That's not what he said. I heard.

I heard it too. he said take the sh*t.

You're wrong.

I don't care if I'm wrong.

You're f*cking up and I'm not f*cking this up.

Someone's gonna get k*lled. I'm taking the sh*t. Excuse me He should be a f*cking blonde. (g*nsh*t)

What the hell?!

What the f*ck's going on?!

Trevor and Corey, you little f*ckers!

(g*nshots)

Ow!

What the f*ck are you guys doing?!

Cyrus, we had nothing to do with this, man!

You're a f*cking liar! (g*nshots and screaming)

Get all the hash and get back to the fuckin car Julian, I think we're gonna die.

Good! Stay down, I'll come back to get you!

Boys, boys, boys!

f*ck Corey and Trevor!

Forget the hash. Let's grab some f*cking g*ns f*ck!

Get up, Ricky!

Stop f*cking around, Rick!

Suck my cock, guys!

Wait for me, boys!

Boys, we have to get Corey and Trevor to the hospital. We can't leave them!

Bubs, take lateral cover fire from the backseat. Ricky, you take centre fire.

I want lateral cover fire!

You're taking centre fire!

Ah, for fucksakes.

Just cover me!

I'll get Corey and Trevor off the roof!

Bubbles, you're gonna have to hang out the window.

We're gonna back up, hit 'em hard, hit 'em mean I can't do it!

We're gonna get sh*t!

Let me see your w*r face. (growling)

Let me see your real w*r face. (growling)

Come on, boys. Let's do it Corey, Trevor?! Are you guys okay?

Sorry, Cyrus! We're okay !

Sorry, dude!

I think we f*cked up!

Well, how about we f*cked up?!

(g*nshots)

What in the f*ck?!

Is that the best you got, Bubbles?!

Get the f*ck out of here, Cyrus!

f*ck off with the g*ns! !

I'm out Ricky, I'm out!

Get the f*ck out of this park!

Holy f*ck, I'm hungry. You got anything to eat, Bubs?

No, I got nothing to eat, Ricky!

You reloaded? We gotta cover Julian.

I'm trying to.

Help me get them in the car!

Put them in the trunk!

What?!

They're f*cking bleeding ! You know the rules!

Oh, for fucksake!

You guys f*cked up big-time!

In the trunk!

sh*t, get in the trunk, boys Let's go, let's go!

Let's go! In the car, Bubs ! Move, move, move, move!

f*ck!

Listen, boys.

Well, don't f*cking stop on my account!

Alright, I think it's over. Let's reload just in case.

George Green! George Green, boys!

George Green! Omigod.

Hey, George.

Hey, George.

How's it going, boys?

How you doing?

What the f*ck is George Green doing here Someone called the cops?

George, thank God you're here. We need your help, bud.

Somebody's gotta be on duty here, George.

Who's the officer in charge, George?

Who's the officer in charge here?

I thoughtyouwere in charge, Jim. Why aren'tyouon duty?

I've always been on duty, George. Always.

I haven't been off duty for 20 years.

Never.

Oh, you're so f*cked, Lahey.

Dispatch, this is off-duty Officer George Green in Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

You had a report earlier of g*nf*re. Disregard.

There's nothing going on -

Officer down! Officer down Sorry, George! You're a shitty cop, George!

I want a real cop here!

Ricky, we have to get Corey and Trevor to the hospital Okay buddy, you gotta hit it twice as hard as last time Alright, Ricky, they're standing three -

sh*t! (g*nf*re)

Is this what you want Cyrus?! Huh?!

I don't like sh**ting at people.

I don't wanna k*ll anybody. I just like scaring them, so I sh**t right over their heads, you know, way clean over their heads But as long as there's a big flame coming out of the g*n, and, you know, you look mean enough, it's usually enough to scare the sh*t out of somebody.

Julian, I think they're reloading or something Alright, boys, listen up Bubbles, you sh**t lateral fire from the left.

Ricky, I want you to drive straight back, right through those f*ckers, I'm gonna cover you from behind.

I gotta put my jacket on.

Okay, boys, let's go.

Stop f*cking around, Ricky I need to put my coat on, I'm freezing!

Oh, f*ck!

Ricky, what are you doing?

What's wrong, Rick?

Something's not right here, boys.

Bubbles, I'll cover you. Check him out.

(Bubbles hyperventilating)

Ricky, what's wrong?

I think I'm having a hark att*ck, buddy.

What?!

Yeah.

Are you sure? Julian!

Whole f*cking left side is getting numb here.

I think he's having a heart att*ck.

He needs CPR or something.

Well, I dunno that sh*t, man I'll be alright, boys. C'mon Who else in the park knows CPR?

Lahey! Lahey knows it.

I'll be fine, just cover me!

Alright, I'm gonna get Lahey. You hang in there, Ricky.

Cyrus, stop f*cking sh**ting ! Somebody's hurt here!

Here, Bubs. Help me light one of these up.

Ricky, that's a dirty old bag of butts.

I know. Trinity got them for me, down at the call centre, out in the parking lot. Man, they're awesome.

Short breaks, long butts, let's go, come on.

Ricky, no, you gotta get to the hospital!

Let's go, let's go!

Ricky, the cops!

Ted! Ted, thank f*ck you're here.

Cyrus showed up, trying to sell us dr*gs!

We wouldn't buy them. Machine g*n! f*ring at us!

Corey and Trevor hit, in the trunk, bleeding!

Corey, Trevor, you guys okay?

We're okay! Thanks for asking! (g*nf*re)

Cyrus, you f*cking moron ! Stop f*ring!

There's people hurt here!

All units, all units, respond to Sunnyvale Trailer Park.

Officer under fire. I repeat, officer under fire Listen, fraidy-cop, you mind f*ring a couple sh*ts to cover us here before we get k*lled?

Don't friggin' move, Julian.

f*ck off, Randy.

Jim, Ricky's having a heart att*ck.

You gotta do CPR on him right now.

Ricky's having a heart att*ck, eh?

Calls for a celebratory drink, Julian.

Cut the bullshit, Jim!, What happened to the man that loves this trailer park trying to make it a better place to live?s (g*nf*re) We've got cock-riding cowboy painted on the side of trailers. This gunfight's out of control and people are gonna die. It's gonna be your fault, Jim.

I need your help.

Why should I help you, Julian?

Because, Jim, you've always been like a father to me.

Officer Lahey, you're the only man that can take care of this situation.

(g*nf*re)

Cover me, boy.

What are you doing? Sit, lay down!

Oh, I gotta piss bad.

You don't need to piss yet Hold it.

Ricky, are you okay?

What's going on out there, dudes?

Bubs... you gotta look after Trinity, buddy.

Don't say things like that. You're gonna be fine.

Don't talk foolish.

You can share the car.

Just make sure she checks the transmission fluid.

You can check, 'cause you're gonna be fine.

(g*nf*re and glass breaking)

Don't let me piss myself Ricky! Ah!

(g*nf*re)

Cover me, boys!

How long has he been out, Bubbles?

Oh, about six minutes, Mr. Lahey.

sh*t, that's too long, Bubbles.

No brain can stand without oxygen that long.

If I did revive him, Bubbles, he'd just be a vegetable.

But, Mr. Lahey, I think probably his brain uses way less oxygen than a normal brain.

Maybe he's got like a lot more time than a normal person Can't you just try it? He's my best friend, come on I'll give it a try, Bubbles.

Just do what you do.

Thousand one, thousand two Let's go, reload, reload Thousand one, thousand two.

Come on, Ricky.

Thousand three, thousand four. (groaning)

It's working! There's air coming out of him!

Ricky!

You okay, boy?

Wake up!

Ricky, you're alright! Sit up!

Omigod, he's alive!

It worked, Mr. Lahey! You saved him!

Holy f*ck.

Ricky, you just d*ed.

You want a drink, bud?

When?

Just now, you were just dead !

Thanks.

You're back alive! Omigod.

Mr. Lahey, you're a hero. You saved his life.

Thanks, boys.

Bubs, where's my smokes?

Hang on.

We gotta get the f*ck outta here.

We got our hash, let's go.

The cops are gonna be here any second now!

(sirens wailing)

Jesus, let's just put the gu -

Ah, f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

Police! Put your hands up!

You involved with this gunplay, Ricky?

For fucksakes, no, I'm not f*cking involved.

I didn't do anything. I just... I was dead.

And a couple of guys f*cking broke into my trunk.

I don't f*cking know what happened.

You wouldn't be lying to me, would you, Rick?

Uh, no, why would I?

Why would you?

Look, these guys broke into my trunk.

Bubbles, open the trunk. And they f*cking...

I dunno what they got in there buncha g*ns they threw in my car and I was just waiting til I you guys got here to help them Oh, dude, thank you. Oh, God.

Somebody call an ambulance Oh, God, I got sh*t, dude.

Shut the f*ck up, you wussies.

I was dead. You got sh*t, big deal.

We should call a dumbulance.

And what about this?

It's... it's yours.

Is this yours, Bubbles?

Or is this yours, Rick?

He asked whose it was, and poor Ricky said it was his 'cause he that's just the type of guy Ricky is.

He doesn't want me to go to jail.

He knows that I don't like it in there, so he took the f*cking heat and he went to jail.

It's okay, Bubs. It's okay, buddy.

Julian's going anyway. It'll be fine.

Careful with him. His heart's...

Hey, Lahey...

Thanks.

That was heroic, Jim.

Your behaviour will not go unnoticed.

Thanks, Ted.

Hey, Ricky, you go to Dartmouth Regional Vocational?

As a matter of fact, I do.

What are you taking?

Different things. Cuff him.

Jim's receiving a big award today, a national award for bravery. It's a big day for him.

I'm honoured to introduce to you, the supervisor of Sunnyvale Trailer Park, Mr. Jim Lahey. (applause)

It's a real honour, ladies and gentlemen, and a real pleasure. Thank you., You know, when someone needs your help you have to help them. In any way you can, , no matter what colour they are no matter what county they live in, and no matter what state you're in.

(crowd gasping)

Thanks for coming out, everybody.

I'll never betray your trust Hi, Randy.

Hi, Mr. Lahey.

Well, f*ck, here I am again. Left alone.

Ricky and Julian are back in jail.

I'm not even sure for how long this time.

Gumby and Puffuckeo are in jail with them.

Corey and Trevor, I mean.

That's what Ricky calls them, Gumby and Puffuckeo.

In my line of work, you gott a deal with the consequences and you learn from your mistakes. I have I mean, Corey and Trevor, that was the whole problem It's all their fault.

Thing with me is that... I am smart, and I'm self-smarted basically by myself.

Basically from nature and smoking dr*gs and doing different things, I've self... like, self-learned myself.

And that's the whole difference, I guess, it's that I don't need the books or the schooling-type things. I just get everything on my own and because of that, I'm alive right now.

I mean, if I'd read more books or tried to go on to college and different things like that, I'd be dead right now.

Because people say books and college are for to be to make you smarter, but they can also be for to be to get you dead, which is what could've happened to me.

My brain doesn't use enough oxygen, 'cause I don't have the whole thing filled with different stuff.

And if it was full, it's only part-full and that's why I'm alive right now.

Guards in here are, "Here, read this book, try to get smarter." I'm like, alright, , I'll pretend to read it. I'm not gonna really read it 'cause then my brain would be more full and if I have another heart att*ck, I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna go back to reading, figure out a plan.

Soon as I get out, I'm gonna work on that plan.

It's gonna be tight.

And I'm gonna f*cking retire in about a year's time.

I just wanna get out of here now and spend time with Lucy and Trinity and get my family going again.

Basically that's all that matters to me.

They come and visit me a couple times in jail for the first time ever, which is awesome.

Lucy seems to be really digging me and looking really good, , and I just wanna get outta here and see them, exercise a bit maybe eat better and try to quit smoking.

Well, I'm gonna quit smoking cigarettes first, and then, you know, work off the dope or whatever eventually.

Although I dunno.

(music)