06x02 - The Cheesburger Picnic

[bunniefuu]

[brakes squealing]

Ricky! Watch the bike!

Sorry Randy. I didn't even see it, bud.

Stop by the cheeseburger picnic today guys.

Nice quotes Randy. Looks official.

The Police and Randy would like to talk to you.

Let's take control of our park. What's that mean?

What's with the cops, Randy?

Why don't you stop by and find out Julian. How's Lucy Ricky?

Better yet, how's Ray?

What the f*ck did you say to mean? Onion rings, large fries, Mr. Gravy.

Look, look. Let's just relax here guys. Let's just relax, okay?

Today's the day that everyone just took a little cheeseburger picnic and f*ck off.

Frig off Ricky.

[music]

Stop right there Jim. What do you want?

You're looking good.

Oh thanks Jim.

I came to tell you that I've been doing some drinking.

I'm not saying I have a problem Barb, but if I did have a problem, maybe it would be alcoholism.

Oh, you think that might be the case?

[crashing sound]

Ricky? What is all this sh*t you're throwing around? What's your problem?

My problem is Randy. Randy and this new associate supervisor, sh**ting off and acting hard, it's bullshit.

Well you know what, he is the associate trailer park supervisor.

He deserves our respect.

Randy deserves our respect? Why Lucy, cause you're banging him?

Oh my god. I can't believe you just said that.

Well I can't believe you banged Randy. Lucy went out with Randy a few years ago and I just can't get passed it. I can't.

I've tried and it just, it drives me nuts. f*cking Randy.

You're not going to his little cheeseburger picnic today, are you?

Tell me that's not why you're wearing your nice clothes.

It's been a really long time since anything fun has happened in this park, so I'm absolutely going to go to this picnic.

I'm going to cut a little loose, big deal.

Now Lucy, if you're drinking, don't smoke weed, smoke hash.

Cause we all know what happens when you're smoking weed drunk around other guys.

Ha, ha, that's nice.

And if you're going to the little cheeseburger picnic today, be sure of a big surprise, cause it's getting ruined by me.

Okay, I've been sober for fourteen hours now Barb. I've been thinking.

Everything that's ever gone wrong with Sunnyvale, everything with me, with everyone, always goes back to Julian, Bubbles and Ricky.

And the liquor Jim, okay? Let's not forget the liquor.

That's why I want to dry out Barb, and I realize I can't do it without your help.

And one big favour I have to ask you. I want to stay here with you for one week until I find my own place. Look, Randy doesn't have a place to stay, he can use the supervisor's trailer, he deserves it.

And what about Ricky and Bubbles and Julian? I mean, this whole thing isn't going to disintegrate into a big nasty horror show again, is it?

If I don't drink, it won't. Barb, you know those boys belong in jail.

And with my police training, I can't sit idly by and watch them break the law over and over and over again. But, I think I know how I can get them back behind bars for a long, long time, Barb.

Hey Bubbs, check it out.

Don't you get it? The fishing rod is my cock.

Rick, it's not funny. I'm trying to work here, okay?

Well let's go down to the cheeseburger picnic and get drunk and f*ck with Randy.

What?

Let's get drunk, do some dr*gs and go to the cheeseburger picnic and f*ck around with Randy.

Rick, I can't hear you.

I can hear you.

Julian! The vacuum cleaner is my cock.

Come on Julian, that's funny. Lighten up.

Rick, I'm trying to work.

Do you want anything down at the store? I'm getting chips, pop and a bar.

No, I'm cool Bubbs.

How'd you hear him?

I was reading his lips, Ricky.

Well read these lips Julian! I'm getting drunk as f*ck, I'm doing dr*gs, and I'm going to the cheeseburger picnic and I am f*cking with Randy.

Make my words. You don't think that's funny?

What about this Julian?

I'm banging Frosty the f*cking Snowman. That's not funny? You gotta chill out man.

Would you talk to him?

What am I going to do?!

He can't go to that picnic Bubbs.

Whenever I'm sober, the boys are careful. They're scared of me, cause they know what I'll do so they're cautious, it's hard to catch them.

But when I'm drinking, their sh*t guards are down and they f*ck up.

But the problem is, is when I'm drinking, I f*ck up too. A lot Barb.

I gotta be drinking but not drinking. You see. The only way to do that is to pretend. I am going to pretend to be drunk, collect evidence and build a solid case against them. Sober as a judge, I'm going to show up today at the cheeseburger picnic and I'm going to pretend to be a drunken idiot. And why? sh*t guards Barb. sh*t guards.

Hey boys.

Hey Bubbs.

Bubbles, what's up man?

What's up?

Not much. How are you dude?

Boys, can you set me up with chips, pop and a bar? I got no money boys.

Dude, that's cool. You're credit's good man. How's Julian?

How's Ricky doing?

Did they call us or anything?

Do they need any dope? Do they have anyone working with them?

They might need mix, man. Do they miss us?

Boys, take a cigarette break. Calm down.

Do you think you could bring these down, give them to Ricky and tell him they're from the Trevster.

I'm not running your cigarettes for you Trevor, like some old cigarette pirate. You tell him yourself. I'm going down there right now.

Come with me.

He just invited us to go hang out with Ricky and Julian. Do you want to go?

I would dude, but we gotta run the store.

I think we should go.

Julian, what's wrong with you man?

Rick, I've got a lot of work to do and I've been doing it by myself okay?

Hey boys.

Bubbs, what's going on?

Not much. Remember when I asked you if you wanted anything at the store and you said no.

Oh right on guys, let's go in my f*cking car. You're going with me today.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ricky, they're working for me today.

I don't think so. Let's go in the f*cking car.

Listen Rick, I already hired them. They're working for me. Okay?

I'm taking these guys.

Would you guys stop fighting. Just take one each.

Fine. I'm taking Corey. He's smarter than Trevor.

No he's not. I'm taking Corey.

Trevor is f*cked in the head, I'm taking Corey.

Ricky, did you not notice how long Trevor's arms are?

They're like alien garbage scooping arms.

Trevor, get over here. Let me see your arms.

See, look at them.

Alright, I'll take Trevor, but this better not get f*cked up. Let's go Trev.

Ricky, can I just have one sec to talk to Corey before we hit the road.

Hurry the f*ck up.

What's wrong with you dude? Go?

We cool with this?

Course I'm cool with it dude Let's go Trev, that's a second. Let's go, get in the f*cking car.

You totally deserve this man.

Just one second Ricky.

Dude, I'm so proud of you.

Just one f*cking second Trevor (shouting)

Man, go do this. Make us proud. We've been working for this.

You're not jealous I'm going to be hanging out with Ricky all the time now?

Not jealous at all dude. Not at all. Love you man. Give me a call if you need me.

Just a second Ricky.

We've always worked together, we've never been apart from each other so it's a little bit strange and I'm not sure I'm that comfortable with it.

But it's something we have to try I guess and we have to get over that whole threshold and see what we can do.

Yo, Ricky, wait up. Just a second. Listen, since I was cool with you taking one of my workers, you've got to promise me something.

Do not show up to the cheeseburger picnic and f*ck things up.

Lahey and Randy, not together. That's a volatile situation Ricky.

Could be dangerous.

So we gotta keep Randy as an ally until I figure it out, okay? Is that cool?

Fine, I won't show up at the little cheeseburger picnic, f*cking Randy!

I'm getting drunk today Julian. So whatever happens isn't my fault anyway.

Remember that. Get in the f*cking car, Trevor.

What did that mean? Did he promise us or not?

Hello. It's Terry, checking the uh road for safety.

Alright Trev, it's clear.

Basically, here's how it works. I mean, there's sometimes people throw out good stuff, most times they don't. So if we see some nice stuff up on someone's lawn, Trevor goes up, he grabs the stuff and basically he's doing them a favour. He's throwing it out for them, putting it to the curb. That's putting out their garbage. It's not stealing, he can't get charged for that. He's not taking it, he's just taking it from there and bringing it down to the curb.

That's it Trev, bring it to the curb. Then it's garbage.

Am I almost to the curb?

No, you're not even close.

Trevor, what the f*ck are you doing? What's wrong with you today?

I miss Corey, that's what's wrong with me.

You miss Corey?!

I got a tough job. I mean, I'm the one that has to do all the thinking here, all the planning. And I didn't expect one of my workers to just have a complete and utter nervous breakdown.

Trev, I miss Lucy today too, but I'm not breaking down and crying.

You gotta be a man. Start thinking for yourself. Today I should be f*cking with Randy, but I got a bunch of sh*t to work out with Lucy so that's being a man. You see what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Now get your sh*t together, get the stuff down to the curb, then it's garbage.

It's not stealing. Just put it over by the curb Trev. Once it's at the curb, it's garbage, so I come along and I take it. I'm just taking people's garbage.

That's not stealing. So if he's not stealing, Who's stealing? nobody.

It's perfectly fine. Hey Trev, you got bus fare?

Yeah.

Alright get the 59 home. Thanks for the help bud.

Take a picture Rick. It lasts longer.

f*ck off, bo-bandy.

(humming)

Hey Bubbs, how's Kittyland going?

It's going alright Trin. It's coming together.

Hey Dad.

Hey Trin, how's school going?

Oh great.

Cool.

Ricky, what are you doing here?

Just dropping a couple of things off Trevor stole. Don't worry about it.

What are you up to Ricky?

Nothing.

Nothing eh? Look me in the eye. You're up to something.

You're going to do something, I can tell.

Bubbles, I'm not even going to Randy's little cheeseburger get-together okay?

So what can I possibly do? It's cool. I'm going to see Ray all afternoon, don't worry about it. Trin, you gotta get the serial numbers off that bike.

There's cops around everywhere.

Okay.

There's one down at the bottom and there's one at the back, okay?

Okay.

See you sweetie.

Bye.

See ya Bubbs.

See ya Ricky.

Well, I didn't really want to come to the cheeseburger picnic, to be honest. I wanted to just stay back at my shed at home there where it's safe, but Julian wanted to come down so I came.

I just wanted to keep my eye on Randy because he's up to something.

Have you guys seen Corey and Trevor?

Nope, haven't seen them?

Huh. Do you have Corey and Trevor today?

Sarah, I said I haven't seen them.

You're smoking weed aren't you Sarah?

No. Hey, check Lucy out. I think she's gearing up for a little off time from Ricky.

I thought she was happy he wasn't doing crime or sh*t anymore.

Julian, Ricky smells like garbage. And bees chase him around. God!

Lucy, let's get drinks.

Well Sarah was baked. Then you know, Lucy of course, she was baked because those two gets baked together.

Sarah was really baked.

She was ripped up pretty hard.

She was laughing at pretty much nothing. Just words.

Somebody would say a word and she'd start laughing.

It was easy to tell Lucy was baked. She was trying to bang every guy at the picnic.

Oh please.

Please what?

Enough with the sexual references.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Had enough for you, George?

Whatever you want, Luce.

I think your friend Sarah is looking for you.

Hmmm, this is yummy.

I saw her coming on to you, don't let Ricky see this tape.

Hello Julian. Hello. You know what, Trinity has been asking about you.

Have you been smoking weed? Huh?

A little bit. You know, you should come over and have a couple of drinks.

Listen, you should tame it down. Tame it down.

I should tame it down? You want me to tame it down. How tame do you want me to be.

Lucy, I don't think Ricky would appreciate this okay?

No?

[brakes squealing] [crash]

Yeah boy!

Hey Dad.

Hey buddy.

We're going to have some fun today, let me tell you.

You bring the liquor?

Oh yeah.

Alright, come on in. Need a hand?

No, we're good.

Here buddy, put her down.

Beer. Hard stuff. Good dope.

Thanks buddy. Oh sh*t.

I got Lucy's cell phone. Let's get drunk, smoke one of these and let's make some calls.

Randy, is that the end of the burgers?

Yeah Barb, we're getting low.

What do you mean, we're getting low? There's five cases back in my trailer.

Barb keep it down, those are my personal burgers.

Randy, your burgers are the park's burgers now.

Barb, end of discussion.

It's that guy right there, with the big gut. Randy, Red Hot Chili Peppers are here to deliver your pizzas.

I didn't order any pizzas. Barb, did you order any pizzas?

No.

Anyone here named Randy order any pizzas?

Sorry bud, you gotta take them back.

People started showing up. Taxi drivers, plumbers, electricians, flower guy, a guy showed up with a stuff fox for sale or something that Ricky ordered here.

What is going on here?

I don't know.

Randy, did you call these guys?

I didn't call any of these f*cking guys.

Randy!

Randy!

The cheeseburger picnic was going along you know, just fine until Randy got up and gave his speech.

Hello everybody. Thanks a lot for coming out to the cheeseburger picnic.

I just want to remind everyone that it's only one cheeseburger per park resident.

Does that go for you too Randy? How many did you drive into that big f*cking cheeseburger locker?

Very funny Bubbles. I'd also like to extend a very special thank you to my friends down at the Police Department for coming down.

Thanks guys. I'm sure you've all heard by now that I'm the new Associate Trailer Park Supervisor. Now that I'm in charge, things are going to change in Sunnyvale. Big time!

I'm going to clean this park up.

[cheers and applause]

For those of you who pay your lot fees, keep your trailers in good shape and don't break any of the rules, you've got nothing to worry about.

For everybody else, newsflash! Zero tolerance.

You're days are numbered. I can promise, along with my friends at the Police Department that you will be escorted out of Sunnyvale personally. Enjoy the cheeseburgers everybody.

Hello everybody.

[crash]

Oh gummy bears.

Oh, he's f*cking wasted again, Julian.

You probably all heard that I was fired as supervale of the Sunny parts, park.

It's not true. I quit.

Jim!

And you want to know why? You want to know why.

Cause I don't give a sh*t.

I really don't Julian. This place is a dump. You have my permission to do whatever you want any time, any place, and you don't have to listen to Pillsbandy Dough Boy or Team Sexy.

[gasps]

Oh my god.

Listen, I'll tell you what. I'll have a little drink, celebrate your little picnicey.

That's a shame.

My god, what a f*cking drunk horror show.

The cheeseburger picnic was goig great. Barb and Ted said I did a real good job. Then the sh*t storm broke out. All these contractors and companies showed up. They're all looking for Randy, where's Randy? Randy's got to pay for this.

Barb.

Hi Sam.

Hey Randy. Do you want to sign this so I can get started please?

Sign what?

It's a purchase order.

Purchase order for what?

To pave the park.

I didn't call to have the park paved.

I got an emergency call to get down here and pave the park right away.

Sign it so I can get started.

I didn't do it Sam. I didn't call ya.

f*ck, there's your name. Randy Bo-bandy. Now sign it so I can get started.

He said he didn't call, Sam.

Bo-bandy? I didn't call. I didn't call.

Once I start that truck, I'm on the f*cking clock. Okay.

So sign it so I can get started.

I'm not signing sh*t. Why don't you go back and pave your cave, you f*cking cave man.

What the f*ck did you call me?

Well, you are a cave man, Sam.

Yeah, a f*cking cave man. Get out of here.

Listen burger boy, you f*cking pay me right now. You pay me right now.

[shouts]

Randy. Sam. Sam. Randy.

Alright, you guys are under arrest for breach of the peace.

m*therf*ckers, every time I come down here.

Ted, it's not my fault.

I gotta deal with you here Randy.

Ted, this is bullshit. I was just trying to have a nice cheeseburger picnic and it got all f*cked up. Son of a bitch. For f*ck's sake, this is f*cking bullshit.

[Whistling] Hey Bill. Hey, got her all fixed up bud.

Thanks a lot Mr. Lahey. I'm a little behind in my lot fees.

Could I pay you later maybe?

No problem buddy.

Thanks a lot.

Take it easy, Jim.

Barb.

Looking good Jim. Looking good. Listen, that was amazing what you just pulled off at that picnic. I was so proud of you.

You are a good actor. You know what, I think you should get back into doing those plays at the Blandford Recreation Centre. Man.

It wouldn't be the same without Bo-bandy.

Listen, you know, I understand why you miss Randy.

The more I get to know him, the more I respect him.

He's one in a million Barb.

I don't know why you're arresting me. This clearly wasn't my fault.

It was Sam Losco's fault. That guy, he's dangerous, you should be keeping a close eye on him, I don't trust him.

That's alright Randy. Now you're not really under arrest, but I had to put you in the car cause I didn't want anybody thinking I was playing favourites.

I like your style Randy but I can't have you driving around in the cruiser with no shirt on. I don't want to ask you to do this, but do you mind?

[Toy car crashing]

Lucy.

(gasp)

Lucy, what the f*ck?

What the f*ck are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here.

You're not even allowed in here anymore.

Who's in here smoking dope with you?

Nobody.

Nobody, yeah right.

Nobody's in here.

Oh, you greasy bastard George. I can't believe Officer Dicklock is in here Lucy, handcuffed to the shower.

Ricky, what are you doing here? Lucy, give me the keys to these cuffs.

Nice underwear George.

No hard feelings eh, Rick. You know, we're just kind of No talking George, no talking. Well Lucy, based on this little situation, I propose that we take a little break.

That's a great proposal but can we talk about this later. It's kind of awkward right now. You know what, just get your sh*t, get it off the front lawn. Get your car out of here, we'll f*cking talk about this later.

Fine, I'm leaving.

Okay, well take that with you.

I'll still be here for Trin, Lucy, but I'm gone.

Okay, go.

I don't want your drink.

Talk at you later, bye.

See you Luce.