Announcer: Previously on Childrens Hospital...
Push 10 ccs of Lidocaine, 20 ccs of pitosin, and 100 ccs of cool jazz.
Sal: Attention, incoming day shift... If you think it's hot outside, guess what.
The power is out, and the generators are running the medical equipment, so no air-conditioning today.
And the weather man is talking triple digits, so drink water, have fun, and stay cool.
That is all.
Valerie: When it gets hot, the human brain loses all sense of decorum.
It's hard to keep tensions at bay.
It's even harder to control the body's more physical urges.
I'm talking about popping boners.
Hot one out there.
Hotter in here.
You could fry an egg on my boobs.
Rain check, Dori.
It's gonna be an interesting day.
Hello, Glenn.
Gonna be a real scorcher today, huh?
Why don't you leave me alone?
I'm going ahead with my cure for cancer.
Understand, Glenn, that we understand how hard it is for you to understand, Glenn.
You cured cancer.
That's... a big deal.
The biggest.
Only a handful of other doctors have done it.
Well...
And I'm not gonna give that up.
Nobody has to give up anything, Glenn.
Let's talk!
[Fly buzzes]
Now, if you have the time.
I do.
I just want to drop off my bag and check my e-mails.
About five minutes?
Yeah, that sounds good.
[Glenn chuckles]
Valerie: In chemistry, the quickest way to transform a substance is to apply extreme heat.
But be careful.
Apply too much and that substance can explode all over you.
Chief, can I talk to you for a minute?
Oh, talk to me.
Ha! You can do anything to me.
Oh, it's hot.
Feel like a... cat on a hot tin roof over here and stuff.
See, that's what I want to talk to you about.
You know I have wife, don't you?
Oh, yeah, Pam.
No, Karen.
Yeah, I love her.
And then my children.
I can't do this to my kids.
Jason and Kylie.
Not even close.
Yeah, who cares?
Come on, big daddy.
Just give me one kiss and I'll say goodbye forever.
Just put it in there.
Not even a little. Not even a peck.
No. Goodbye forever.
Sal: Attention, staff... Man, it is hot.
That is all.
Ahh!
Hey, Lola.
Hot one, huh?
Hey, listen, um, want to do rounds with me today?
[Lola wretches]
Whoa! You okay?
Damn heat, huh?
No, no, it's not the heat.
It was just the thought of doing rounds with you.
[Breathes deeply]
[Spits]
Hey, Owen.
It's a real dog-day afternoon morning, huh?
No.
Hey... Look, I'm just... I'm just gonna say it.
You look really hot.
[Owen scoffs]
Thanks a lot.
It's these scrubs.
They don't breathe at all.
Tell me about it.
I mean, I am just, like, roasting in these things.
You know?
[Owen chuckles]
Well, maybe you should think about taking them off.
Yeah.
Or are you scared that people are gonna mistake you for a ten-year-old boy?
Bing bong.
Shh!
Off me, clown.
Hot enough for you?
Hey!
Oh.
Why are you looking at Blake like that?
I don't know.
Something about the heat is making me really horny for him.
I don't get it, but this feeling isn't going away until I jack my spoo.
All this talk about you having sex with Blake makes me think that you ought to have sex with me or somebody.
Oh, shh!
Where'd he go?
I don't know.
He probably went to the closet to cry like he usually does.
[Blake breathes deeply]
Oh, Valerie... Come on!
It's too hot and cramped in here for one person, let alone two.
Oh, I'm sure you've crammed yourself into tighter spaces.
Oh! You're referring to a clown car.
No.
That's actually a common myth. There's a trap door in the floor.
There's never more than two clowns in the car at once.
Well, then, here we are.
Just two clowns...
Wha...?
Do you have some clown in your background?
No.
You want some?
Do I... What?
Listen, Lola doesn't deserve you.
She's archaic and redundant.
You need someone who's gonna respond to you.
Are you okay?
I... I think I'm gonna faint.
This is so hot.
No, no, no.
Oh!
Valerie: The heat makes people do silly things.
It melts their inhibitions like ice... Like ice in a mint julep.
It boils their brains like soup... Like soup in a mint julep.
[Banging, crashing]
Glenn: You listen to me.
I'm not willing to keep my cancer cure under wraps just because the government tells me to.
I'll call my Congressman.
You just don't get it, do you?
Who do you think runs congress?
Big pharma.
It's the big pharmaceutical companies, Glenn, that make all the big decisions.
Big pharma paves your roads.
Big pharma delivers your mail.
Who do you think teaches your kids how to read?
Teachers?
Try again.
Big pharma.
Big pharma took us to w*r in Vietnam, synthesized cr*ck, and k*lled Kennedy.
Big pharma came from outer space, invented Ben Franklin, started a little company called the internet... and polluted the ocean with high-fructose corn syrup.
We're everywhere, Glenn.
Even this... is big pharma.
The heart medication I give to my patients? No...!
Now hand over the cure, Glenn, and start enjoying your soon-to-be-free public wi-fi, courtesy of big pharma.
I'll pay for my own wi-fi, thank you very much.
Let me put it to you this way, Dr. Richie... If this gets out there, you'll be suffering from an acute case of cancer yourself.
[g*n cocks]
b*llet cancer.
[Chuckles]
b*llet cancer.
[Children laughing]
Sal: Attention, staff... The cafeteria is now open.
There's still no power but nurse Dori will be serving fried eggs.
That is all.
Ahh.
Ooh.
Valerie: They say a watched pot never boils, but what about an unwatched pot that's left boiling a long time?
Does it get extra boiled?
Hey, Owen.
No, thanks.
What is your deal?
Oh, my... Are you blind?
Are you gay?
Do not call me blind.
Chief!
Help! He's got a g*n full of cancer b*ll*ts!
I was just being clever!
I assure you, these are normal b*ll*ts.
Blake: Somebody help me!
I was just date r*ped!
[Chief laughing]
He was asking for it, wearing all that slutty makeup.
Aah! Aah!
Put down the hazardous material container!
[Alarm bell ringing]
Drop the container, sir! Whoa! Cancer g*n!
It's just a regular g*n!
Drop the g*n. Drop the container.
Drop the g*n! Drop the g*n!
Drop the... Just... Just drop it, paint-job!
[All screaming]
[Blake choking]
[Screaming continues]
sh**t him! sh**t him!
sh**t Henry Winkler!
[Chicken clucking]
M... M... M... M... Malcolm!
Why won't you listen to me?
Nobody will listen to me!
[Blake choking]
[Siren wails]
[Muffled commotion continues]
[Electricity crackles]
[Machinery humming]
[All shouting]
[Gasps]
Why don't we just start over?
You give your cancer cure to big pharma, and we'll give you a great big check.
I think I can live with that.
Okay, then.
Hey, let's get the kids together and hit a restaurant or something, huh?
I'd like that.
I feel like I owe you an apology.
So, bye.
Oh.
Oh.
Sal: Attention, staff... In case you haven't noticed, the A.C. is back.
Carry on.
That is all.
Valerie: You can turn down the heat after you boil an egg, but it's too late.
It's already been cooked.
Everything's back to normal, but I don't know if any of us will ever be the same.
For example, I think Blake might be dead.
Sal: Attention, staff... This is not a real hospital.
It's barely a real TV show.
02x08 - Hot Enough for You?
Watch/Buy Amazon
A hospital isn't a place for lazy people. It's a place for smart people who take care of people who aren't smart enough to keep themselves healthy. So begins Childrens Hospital, an all-new series that follows the lives, loves and laughs of a hospital staff.
A hospital isn't a place for lazy people. It's a place for smart people who take care of people who aren't smart enough to keep themselves healthy. So begins Childrens Hospital, an all-new series that follows the lives, loves and laughs of a hospital staff.