05x06 - The g*ng Gets Sushi

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Dr. Brian: I'm looking for Dr. Lola Spratt... tall, skin like an airbrushed centerfold, legs that go all the way up to make an ass out of themselves.

Lola: [ Scoffs ]

Lola is a girl's name.

I thought girls can't be doctors.

Dr. Brian: Maybe I'm looking for a girl to play doctor.

5.06 - The g*ng Gets Sushi

Lola: [ As Cat ] Such a pleasure to meet you.

[ Laughter ]

Cat: I do do that.

God, Lola, your impressions are so amazing.

Do Glenn now.

Lola: Oh, easy.

Glenn: Oh, God.

Lola: [ As Glenn ] But why not?

Is it because I'm Jewish?

Glenn: I swear, you do me saying, "But why not? Is it because I'm Jewish?" then insecurely touching my yarmulke better than I do.

You really do.

What about Blake?

Do Blake.

Lola: Okay.

[ As Blake ] You want to sponsor me in my Ironman Triathlon in May, huh?

But keep in mind... I will not practice, and I will not try.

[ Laughter ]

Blake: Okay. All right.

Spot on, except that the triathlon is in June.

Dori: Hey, do me. Do me.

Lola: [ Normal voice ] I don't know who you are.

Dori: Oh.

Glenn: Lola, what's your secret?

Lola: The secret is to hone in on something specific that someone does and then... do that thing just like them.

Glenn: That's the secret.

Cat: Just like them?

Lola: Like when Owen is separating ventricles, he's like, [as Owen] "I'm Dr. Owen Maestro.

Snip, snip, snip." [ Squishing, monitor beeping ]

Glenn: Oh, B.P.'s dropping.

Lola: Nurse. I'm so sorry.

I'll undo that.

Glenn: Suction.

Owen: Separating the ventricles. Back it off.

Glenn: Hey, are we all going to that sushi place tonight?

Blake: Yeah.

Lola: I would not miss a night out with my best pals.

Glenn: Well, we better get going, because that place gets crowded quick.

Glenn: Hey, nurse, y-you can finish a heart surgery, right?

Dori: I'll give it a sh*t.

Glenn: These guys got a soft-shell crab roll.

It's better than a tuna roll.

[ Chuckling ] That's the thing.

In Japan, they don't call it Japanese food.

They just call it food.

Cat: Come on, Lola. The sushi's gonna get cold.

Lola: I'm coming.

I'm printing up another photo of us for my wallet.

Cat: But we're your living, breathing photo for your wallet.

Lola: [ Chuckling ] True. But still.

Cat: Ohh.

Glenn: All right.

See you there, Lola.

Cat: All right, roomie.

Lola: Bye.

Glenn: She loves those photos.

Cat: I know, even though we're just right here.

Lola: Ohh. Okay.

Aww.

Wait. What?

[ Gasps ]

Two, three. Liar.

Ugh.

[ Echoing ] Lola.

Lola: [ Gasps ]

Good morning, Dr. Spratt.

Lola: Where am I? What's going on?

Relax.

The lieutenant will tell you everything.

In fact, I believe you two knew each other.

Lola: How would you know?

Because he...

Dr. Brian: ...is me.

Lola: Brian?

Dr. Brian: What's 5'9", has hair the color of raw honey, and breasts so tear-shaped it looks like her sternum is weeping?

Answer... Lola Spratt.

Lola: You left without saying goodbye.

You left here, out of the blue.

Dr. Brian: I couldn't say goodbye.

They grabbed me the same way we grabbed you.

Now, let's get you in some clothes and take a walk around the facility.

Lola: Like, different clothes?

Dr. Brian: We've been watching you, Lola.

Intel says you're the most talented impressionist they've seen in decades. I guess we'll see.

Lola: Well, there's one impression I'll never be able to do, and that's of a woman who still loves you.

Dr. Brian: Well, maybe we should work on that one.

After my training, Frank Caliendo could do an impression of a woman who was still in love with me in his sleep.

Lola: Oh, not a chance.

Dr. Brian: This isn't about me and you, Lola.

Your country needs you.

As Mr. Morgan Freeman would say...

[As Morgan freeman] Your training begins now.

[ Normal voice ] This job will test every technique and trick you've ever learned.

Lola: [ As John Kimble ] It's not a tumor!

Dr. Brian: More Austrian.

I will as*ault your senses with the most sophisticated vocal-training exercises in the world.

Lola: [ As Julia Child ] I'm Julia child.

Dr. Brian: Better. More marbles.

An impressionist embodies his subject.

This isn't Michael!

Lola: [ Sings high note ]

Dr. Brian: Better.

No impression is too obscure.

[ As Andrew Dice Clay ] And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

[ Laughing ] Oh, oh, oh. Aah!

Dr. Brian: Good!

Lola: [ Laughs ]

Dr. Brian: Austin Powers reality show.

Lola: [ As Austin powers ] Oh, you're fired, baby, yeah.

Dr. Brian: Good.

You will be tested mentally, as well as physically.

Lola: [ Normal voice ] China. Brazil.

Dr. Brian: No!

Lola: Ahh!

I should know that one... I lived there.

Dr. Brian: Now you're Rodney Dangerfield.

What are they?

Lola: Uh... Oh!

[ As Rodney Dangerfield ] Ohh, I get no respect.

Dr. Brian: Good. Now you're Groucho Marx.

What are they?

Lola: [ Normal voice ] Uh...

[ As Groucho ] That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Dr. Brian: Now nunchuks. Go! Go! Go!

Lola: [ Screams ]

Joan Rivers as Abe Lincoln.

Lola: [ As Joan Rivers ] Fourscore and seven years ago... sounds like my sex life. Can we talk?

Dr. Brian: You're ready.

Lola: [ Normal voice ] Mm. I miss you guys.

[ Groans ]

My throat feels like it's been on its feet for days, and my facial muscles are barking.

Dr. Brian: [ Foreign accent ] Go on. Tell me more.

Lola: Oh, I hope Brian's pleased.

Dr. Brian: [ Normal voice ] He is.

Lola: Brian.

Dr. Brian: I'm proud of you, Lola.

I brought you something.

It's a wireless communication device.

I wore this on my first mission.

Peace rally in Chicago.

I was supposed to do Jesse Jackson over the P.A.

Something like, [as Jesse Jackson] "Ladies and gentlemen, I am a-Jesse Jackson."

Lola: What? [ Chuckles ]

Dr. Brian: [ Normal voice ] Two men got sh*t that night.

Lola: Oh.

Dr. Brian: Your first mission is tonight.

Once a year, the chairman of N.A.T.O. holds a dinner for a hand-picked group of m*llitary leaders.

Deals are made, and secrets are passed around like a plate of hors d'oeuvres.

Hors d'oeuvres are also passed around.

I'll be on the radio at all times.

Lola: So, am I impersonating a dignitary?

[ Russian accent ] Maybe Russian arms dealer?

Dr. Brian: Shh. That's him. Chairman Desmit, 4:00.

Lola: [ Normal voice ] Copy that. Got him.

[ Glass clinks ]

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

Dr. Brian: This is it, Lola. You're on.

Lola: What? But I don't know the mission.

Dr. Brian: Your mission is to entertain them.

Desmit loves impressions.

Lola: Ah.

Dr. Brian: Remember your training.

So, please welcome the woman of a thousand voices, Lola Spratt.

[ Applause ]

Lola: Thank you.

I recently traveled here by m*llitary helicopter.

And you'll never guess who was with me... Jerry Seinfeld.

[ As Seinfeld ] What's the deal with these helicopters?

They go up. They go down.

Only thing they don't do is have a bathroom.

Dr. Brian: What are you doing, Lola?

Lola: [ Normal voice ] And then someone else joined us.

It was a Mr. Forrest Gump.

And he says, [as Forrest Gump] "Life is like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're gonna get with these helicopters."

Dr. Brian: Why would a fictional character be in the same helicopter as a real person?

Lola: Oh, look. There's Yoda.

[ As Yoda ] Mm.

Use the force with this helicopter you must.

Dr. Brian: Abort mission.

Repeat. Abort mission.

Lola?

Lola!

Damn.

Ready the Eagle's Nest.

She's gone rogue.

Lola: [ Normal voice ] Ladies and gentlemen, I've often wondered what the classic "who's on first" routine would sound like if it were between Julia Child and Christopher Walken.

Now, I think it might sound a little something like this.

Dr. Brian: On my command, Eagle.

[ g*n cocks ]

Lola: [ As Julia Child ] Well, I'm Julia Child.

We have a wonderful team of players with the funniest names.

[ As Christopher Walken ] What names?

What are these funny names?

And another guy hits a long fly ball.

He's on third.

And I don't give a darn.

[ As Julia child ] Oh, yes.

He's a shortstop.

[ Speaking native language ]

[ Applause ]

Dr. Brian: Stand down, Eagle.

Mission complete.

Repeat. Mission complete.

Righteous.

[ Applause continues ]

Lola: [ Chuckles ] We did it.

[ Glasses clink ]

Dr. Brian: You did it, Lola.

I'm not the only one who's impressed.

We want you to join our elite squadron.

You'll be traveling the world, doing impressions of everyone from local Afghani w*r lords to local Afghani gay lords.

Lola: I don't know. Brian, I can't leave my friends.

Dr. Brian: I think I know somebody who could be your friend.

Lola: Is he about 5'8", skin the color of a tall nonfat latte?

And do the front of his pants contain a secret also the color of a... [Gasps]

Brian, I... I can't.

Goodbye.

[ Sobs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughter ]

Dori: Lola, where have you been?

Lola: Hi, guys.

Cat: God, we had the craziest dinner.

Did you know that sushi is raw?

We were all like, "Okay, what?"

Blake: Yeah, I ate a hunk of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I was like, "Okay, what?"

Owen: Lola, you would have loved...

Lola?

Cat: Where'd she go?

Glenn: Lola?

Dori: All her stuff is gone.

Cat: She must be off on her own journey.

♪ And the winter sky ♪
♪ Sings a lonely song ♪
♪ The drama goes deep ♪
♪ Between you and me ♪
♪ Where is my standing ovation? ♪
♪ Don't wait up for me ♪
♪ For the light of the sun ♪
♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪
♪ Don't wait up for me ♪
♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪

♪ Don't wait up ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪
♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪
♪ Don't wait up for me ♪
♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪