02x11 - Six Feet Over/Under

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Pop.

Hey, kid. I got news.

Coco left me.

Turns out she was banging her yogi.

Oh, I'm sorry, Pop.

Sorry? I set the whole thing up.

It's fine. It's fine.

Paid for her yoga retreat to Nicaragua.

Been trying to get those two together for a year.

I did it, and now I'm like a dog off his leash.

Okay, Dad.

And let me tell you, I didn't waste any time.

I'm on the Tinder.

Oh, okay, well, it sounds like you're good.

I'm banging my balls off!

Medium rare, medium rare.

I want that burger medium rare.

Are you at the OTB?

Yes, I am.

And you'll never believe what horse is running today...

Daddy's revenge.

How perfect is that?

I got big money on this one, kid.

They're off!

Go, go, you son of a bitch, run!

Spike him, spike him, you miserable little munchkin.

Hit him!

Hit him like you're wearing big boy pants!

That's it! Oh, faster, faster!

Santa needs you back at the village, yes!

Go, you son of a bitch, go! Yes!

Winner! Revenge!

Oh, ah, sh*t.

Dad?

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, Frank, it's me, Smolinski.

Yeah, I don't know how comas work, but if you can hear me, screw you and wake up, you big sh*t.

Nora, Johnny, you need anything...

Gary, Gary, get a plate.

You just dropped mustard on my half-dead ex-husband.

How you holding up?

Surreal, man.

All the patients we brought here, it's never personal.

This is... I don't know.

Hey, Mac said you can take the day off tomorrow.

Take as much time as you need.

Oh, no. I'm working.

I sit here all day, I'll go crazy.

I came as soon as I could.

What'd the doctor say?

Could go either way.

All right, so we got options.

Okay, everybody, I'm selling squares 10 bucks a pop.

We're also doing pool bets... Over/under's at three days.

Mom...

Over/under for what?

If he lives?

Either way pays.

I thought Johnny's parents were divorced.

They are.

There's no way an Irish woman would miss a good death.

Mom and Dad have a complicated relationship.

It's not complicated.

I hate him.

But if my coma bets pay off, I'll love him.

Frank, whatever you're gonna do, do it on Wednesday.

You have to be careful what you say around a coma patient, Mrs. Farrell.

A lot of times they can still hear what's going on around them.

Listen, kid, if he knew he was dying and we weren't taking action, he'd be pissed.

Besides, I bought him a few squares in case he comes out 'cause he gave me my Johnny.

And nothing else.

Your dad's hospital room is really nice, Johnny.

Yeah, they're taking really good care of him.

How much does a room like that cost?

I don't know, he's got good insurance through the fire department, so it's pretty much covered.

Good, good.

Ball park, what do you think it normally costs?

Like, a night? Six, seven?

600 or 700? Wow.

6,000 or 7,000, Brian.

Shut up. Shut up!

That room was so tiny.

Whoever set those prices is a criminal and deserves to spend the rest of their life in that miserable little room.

I mean, did you see the view? Of course you didn't.

Because there wasn't one.

Chicago North, ambulance needed, Lincoln Park carousel.

Reported leg injury.

Ambulance 14 responding.

And did you taste the jell-o?

'Cause I did. I was not impressed.

You took my dad's jell-o?

Well, it looks like you got a broken fibula, but we won't know until we get some x-rays.

Wow, that music just goes on and on, huh?

You got to listen to that sh*t all day?

You get used to it.

Yeah, we're gonna go ahead and put you in this air cast.

It's gonna keep everything stabilized until the doctor can examine it.

Zach, I wasn't trying to hurt you, dude.

I thought I heard you yell "all clear."

Oh, and this has nothing to do with the fact that I've king to Ashley?

I'm sick of your passive aggressive bullshit, Nate.

I'm sorry she likes me more.

We have common interests. Deal with it.

Hey, hey, take it easy, buddy.

Don't tell me to take it easy.

I'm seeing clearly for the first time in ages.

My ex-best friend just broke my leg.

I think I might break my own leg if I had to listen to this song all day.

Right?

Take me away now, please.

I've got some thinking to do.

Yes, sir.

I can't get that g*dd*mn carousel song out of my head.

t*rture.

Yep, that's the one.

Okay, okay.

♪ I am riding on a little pony ♪
♪ Both my friends are sitting right beside me ♪
♪ One's on a zebra, one's on a lion ♪
♪ Boy, this carousel sure is flying ♪

T, I would just die if somebody that I cared about was maybe dying and I didn't really have a chance to tell them how much I loved them.

Yeah.

You know what we got to do, T.

Starting right now, we got to tell people right in the moment how much they mean to us.

Oh, no, you can't really do that, Billy.

It'd be weird.

No, it won't be.

Here, give me your hands.

Billy, what are you...

Come on, just look at me.

Come on, T, look at me.

Come on. Look at me. Look at me.

You're not looking at me, T.

Billy, please don't...

Come on, give me those blue circles, girl.

Come on.

That's what I'm talking about.

I love you, T.

I... Love... you.

Oh.

No, it's not like that. It's not.

It is like that. I love you, T.

You're an amazing partner, but you're an even better friend.

Okay.

Oh, no.

You even took a b*llet for me.

We don't really have to do this right now, okay?

I do, T. We all do, you know?

Two coffees, one with four pumps of caramel.

Rosemary, give me your hands.

Rosemary, you make delicious coffees.

And you always wear the most beautiful vintage dresses that remind me of my abuelita.

And I have a girlfriend, but if I didn't, I would want to sleep with you.

Thank you.

How you doing, Pop?

Doing all right in there? I don't know.

Obviously not doing too good, I guess.

Oh, I brought the racing form.

I thought you might like to know the results from Arlington.

Um, so tit-for-tat won in the sixth.

I'm skipping the early races 'cause you said that those were all for the amateurs.

Nothing but nags running, right, Dad?

Painted lady took the seventh.

Won 24 bucks, that's sweet.

I got to think that you would've put some money on her 'cause you always liked the ladies.

Hungry heart only paid out 4 bucks in the eighth.

Probably 'cause it's a favorite. Who bets on a favorite, huh?

What fun is that?

Uh, that's all I got.

I'll bring more results tomorrow.

There's a big stakes race.

I figure you'd have blown a shitload of money on that.

I don't know what else to say.

Kinda weird talking to someone if you don't even know if they can even hear you.

You know?

I'm just gonna sit here for a bit, and I don't think I'm probably gonna say anything at all, cool?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to intrude.

I'll come back in a bit.

Thanks.

Decaf, right?

I don't want to be up all g*dd*mn night.

It's decaf.

Better be.

Nobody has a secret plan to caffeinate you, Cash.

I do.

Forget it.

I can't trust none of yous.

Hey, mousse, how you doing?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Listen, mousse, you know, I don't go in for much emotion.

I just wanted to say, for what it's worth, that your dad is a good man.

You know, he served his community, saved a lot of people...

Yeah.

And you turned out all right, didn't you?

You know, I think if this is his time, he can walk toward the light with his head held up high.

Small comfort, I know, but...

Thanks, Cash. I appreciate it.

But I got to tell you, I never really got that "walk towards the light" business.

Many people who have had near-death experiences have reported seeing...

I know what they say. I'm just saying I don't get it.

Folks find the idea comforting, John.

I know I do.

I don't.

Maybe I'm a distrustful bastard, but how do we know what's beyond that light?

Okay, John.

Maybe that light's leading somewhere you don't want to go.

How do you know it's not hell?

The light for hell would be red, obviously.

Would it, Stats?

Wouldn't the devil try to trick you by also using a white light?

He is the master of deception.

You know what I don't get?

If you're going to hell for doing all these bad things and the devil spends all his time trying to get you to do all those bad things, then wouldn't he treat you awesome when you got down there?

God damn it, Voo, I spent 12 years of catholic school wondering that exact same thing.

Wouldn't the devil be like: "There he is, that terrible son of a bitch. You did a lot of bad sh*t up there. I want to party with you. I'm not gonna make you burn. I'm gonna make you a Margarita and a steak"?

Totally... the worse you are, the better you'd be treated.

What you don't want to do is barely make it into hell.

Oh, yeah, you do not want to be the devil's least favorite.

"Coveting? That's how your ass got down here? Everybody covets. Get your ass back upstairs until you can come back with some real sins."

sh*t, bear some false witness at least, you know?

Adultery... Work with me here.

Well, well, well, Johnny Farrell returns to the scene of the crime.

Hey, Monsignor Sullivan.

You praying for forgiveness for the 40 bucks you stole from the St. Vincent De Paul box for the poor?

Come on, you never proved that.

October 1993.

I remember it 'cause the money went missing the same day the Sox lost the AL Championship to the damn Blue Jays.

A Canadian team, John.

And who do I see waltzing out the side door right by the box?

A lot of people had access to that box, and it barely locked.

Any kid could've jimmied his little hand in there.

Uh-huh.

That money was for the poor, John.

Look, I'm not saying I took the money, but maybe the kid that did... And I'm just spitballing here...

Maybe that kid needed a new mitt.

And maybe his mom didn't have the cash to get him one, so, you know, if you think about it, that kid was kind of poor too.

That box is for the people who don't have food to eat, John.

Listen, I heard about your dad, and we've been praying for him.

I appreciate it. Thanks.

You know, those candles don't work unless you put $3 in them.

Oh, yeah?

Oh.

You have change for a 5?

I do not.

But I'll take the fiver.

We'll consider it down payment on the 40.

Of course I took the money, Brian, but that mitt was sweet.

Rawlings, heart of the hide.

The gold glove model?

Top of the line.

I spent the entire off-season working that thing in.

Rubbing oil on it, tied a baseball up in it.

My first game back, I made this sweet diving catch on a liner right up the middle, oh!

But then you left it on the bus or lost it somewhere 'cause you were subconsciously trying to punish yourself, right?

Hell, no.

I used that mitt all the way up to college.

Still have it.

23 years, it's the longest relationship I've ever been in.

Hmm.

I love that mitt.

We should go out and throw sometime.

Tonight?

Oh, no, I can't.

I've got to meet my mom at the hospital.

Want company?

No, I'm good.

'Cause we're here for you if you need us.

He knows that, Brian.

Good.

I can't count the times I wished you dead, miserable son of a bitch.

Literally can't count the times.

Let me tell you, I always thought you'd outlive me.

You were always so full of damn life.

Used to piss me off.

g*dd*mn sparkle in your eye just like the day I met you, like you were still 21.

I used to imagine you outliving me.

Standing over my grave, getting cigar ashes on my headstone.

Terrible.

But here we are.

Looks like I'm outliving you.

I spent the last 25 years of my life hating you.

25?

No, at least 27.

Do I regret it?

Not for a second.

You and I weren't always nice to each other, but we never, ever lied to each other.

Now who am I supposed to hate?

Probably my mom.

Can you believe she's still alive, making everybody miserable?

God, who sent you these ugly carnations?

Stink hands, yeah, figures.

I'm sorry it didn't work out between us, Frank.

You weren't a bad guy.

Kind of a bad guy.

But you got better.

And I...

I always loved you anyway.

I'm glad you came back into Johnny's life.

Mom.

Can you believe this assh*le? He's still asleep.

I heard you talking to him.

Yeah, well, we're an emotional lot, the Irish.

Giving up on him?

No, just making my peace with him.

You should too.

I mean, maybe he's just waiting around for you to tell him it's all right for him to go.

And I'm not saying that just 'cause I had him going today in the pool.

Although that would be a nice parting gift!

I don't know what to say.

You'll think of something.

Thanks.

Okay, Dad, um, we love you.

You've been a good dad.

You've been an... You've been an okay dad.

On a scale of one to ten, I'd say you were a six... You were a five.

Um...

But look, last year, you really made a comeback.

I mean, you were...

You were almost an eight.

But I get it.

You saved people's lives for a living.

I always admired that.

You'd walk into a burning building, save your worst enemy.

Time to save yourself now, Dad.

Okay?

Walk into the light.

It's okay. Don't worry about us.

We're gonna be fine.

You don't have to suffer.

You did your job.

Take care of yourself, Pop.

I love you.

Walk into the light.

Bye.

So you know if your dad could talk right now he'd tell you you were acting like a big p*ssy?

Thanks, Mom.

I love you.

Love you too.

You did good, man.

No matter what happens, you'll know you did right by your dad.

I don't even know if he could hear me, but I guess it needed to be said, right?

Johnny, I'm so proud of you.

Being able to cry in front of your dad like that, that's huge.

Who told you I cried?

Hank.

Your mom ratted you out, bro.

She was taking prop bets on whether or not you'd cry.

She lost big on that one.

You got a big mouth.

I'm serious.

I really do think that this is a big step for you, Johnny.

Life is so much richer when you allow yourself to tap into some vulnerability.

Do yourself a favor.

When you get home, turn on the Hallmark channel.

Just live in it for a few hours.

Brian, just stop, all right?

All right, but I just think...

Brian.

Oh, sh*t, that's Dad's room.

Dad.

You!

You told me to go into the light.

What?

Oh, yeah. There was a light.

I almost walked right into the g*dd*mn thing, you ungrateful little sh*t.

You wanted me dead.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

And I'm a freaking five?

I said you were making a comeback.

I'm a g*dd*mn ten.

I'm just...

I'm just glad you're alive.

I know you are, kid.

I'm just breaking your balls.

Look at this. I've been up ten minutes.

Already my Tinder is blowing up.

Yeah, all right.

How do you feel, Mr. Farrell?

Never better.

These comas are a dynamite way to catch up on your sleep.

I might need another one in a couple of months.

Being single is exhausting.

Oh, guys, check this sh*t out.

I woke up holding a winning ticket.

Daddy's revenge, 20 grand!

Oh!

God damn it!

Oh.

I knew you'd outlive me.

I'm invincible, sweetheart.

All right, let's see who won the pool.

When did you wake up?

Uh, let's call it 11:20.

That's my square!

250 bucks!

I love you, Frank.

I love you too, dollface.

Five minutes off.

You bet on my dad's death?

You didn't?

Ah, baby, you won the over/unders.

100 bucks.

Everybody's a winner.

Stink hand, watch the door. Daddy needs a cigar.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, for God's sakes, Frank.

No, no, Dad, Dad, Dad, come on. I think...

Why don't you just order Italian beef while you're at it?

Jesus, Frank.

That's a good idea, honey.

W...

Jesus Christ, I can't get that g*dd*mn song out of my head.

It's so catchy.

Okay, we're even.

No, no.

Oh, sh*t.

No.

I don't believe it.

Again, Johnny?

No, Monsignor, this is not what it looks like.

It never is.

Can I get a little help here?

Nope.

Where are you going?

No, Monsignor.

No, but my hand is...

No, please.

No, come on.