02x05 - The Bad Seed

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Devious Maids"...

Get down on the ground!

[Screaming]

Oh, my God.

You sh*t him!

It was an accident.

I didn't see him!

Can I help you?

I... heard about...

Mr. Rubio being k*lled.

I'm so sorry.

In a sad twist, one young fan attempted su1c1de outside Rubio's Beverly Hills home.

I was thinking you might benefit from a trip to sage creek.

Sage creek?

That's a looney bin.

Goodbye, my darling.

How soon until we go in and take off our clothes?

We should wait until his car leaves the driveway.

I know Dahlia k*lled herself.

Why didn't you tell me?

I never told you 'cause I was worried I'd scare you off.

No more secrets.

So, your husband doesn't talk?

I'm his daughter.

Oh.

No, I'm at a job interview, to be a maid.

Your resume's very impressive.

Thank you.

Why didn't you tell your mother you were home?

Didn't you know she convinced Remi to go to the Congo without me?

You should be in school, making something of your life.

You're trying to control me.

Now, please, go back to your life and let me have mine.

What about your, uh, your friend from the Congo?

He's in the Congo.

How's he doing?

Not well.

And I'm starting to get worried.

Is everything okay?

We're sending Remi home on the next plane.

Oh, my God.

Look, I'm supposed to be cleaning.

Then start with me.

I'm very dirty.

[Chuckles]

I'd suggest a cold shower.

Only if you take one with me.

[Laughs]

Okay. I'll stop.

You know, you can't blame a guy for wanting to make out with his girlfriend.

Uh-oh.

Did I use the "g" word too soon?

No. It's nice.

Most guys want to keep it casual forever.

Oh, no.

I'm way past casual.

I'm... you know...

Feeling stuff.

So am I.

[Chuckles]

Which is why I want you to take a cold shower.

I'm serious.

I'm crazy about you.

[Doorbell rings]

Well, good.

That's what I expect from my boyfriend.

Just so you know, you have made me the happiest pool boy in the world.

[Laughs]

Mrs. Delatour?

I need you to come with me now.

What's wrong?

Remi's back.

From Africa?

He's very sick.

They brought him home in an ambulance.

He's not in a hospital?

No.

I want the best for Remi, so I've hired top doctors and private nurses to look after him.

You know, his first words were, "where's Valentina?

I need her."

He said that?

Oh, don't be sad, darling.

He's getting better.

And the best part of all...

[Chuckles]

We have our Remi back.

Now, come on.

[Whirring]

Rosie!

What's wrong, miss Lucinda?

I am trying to work here, but I can't concentrate because that boy of yours is trying to run me down!

I'm sorry.

Miguel is just excited to have a new toy.

Well, I don't know why you gave him one so expensive.

He's just gonna end up breaking the damn thing.

I didn't buy it for Miguel.

Your father did.

You gave her little boy a present?

Your father loves children.

Well, that's a candy-coated lie if I ever heard one.

I'm sorry Miguel bothered you.

It's okay, Rosie.

Just tell him not to race the car in the house.

And you...

Stop being so nice to people you're not related to.

You're staring at me.

I can't help it.

You make me happy.

I want to buy you something.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

I know, but I want to celebrate our relationship.

It's such a surprise for me to be with someone so virile and masculine.

You are a real man, Tony Bishara.

Let me buy you something pretty.

I don't want anything.

What an adorable fib.

Everybody wants something.

Well...

There is one thing I want, and it wouldn't cost you a cent.

Oh.

Let me move into the main house.

Excuse me?

Well, you have all those lovely rooms.

And I don't have much space in here.

It is a bit cozy, yes, but it is also very private.

How about the third floor?

No one will ever find us there.

Valentina might start to suspect.

I'll be discreet.

Come on.

No. No!

We're not changing the living arrangements.

Evelyn, I'm not some dog you can keep in a cage.

Please.

I respect you completely.

I'm going to the house to get us some champagne.

Stay.

I really appreciate it.

It means a lot to me.

Absolutely.

I'll make sure he has fun.

You have a safe trip.

Who was that?

That's my sister.

Oh, the one who lives in Bel Air?

Yeah, she's going away on a business trip for a few weeks, and she needs me to take care of her son.

We're gonna have a kid staying here?

Yeah. Why?

It's just, I-I hate kids.

How can you hate kids?

They spill stuff.

That's no reason to hate them.

Well, it is if you're a maid.

My nephew is not a child.

He's 17.

Much better.

Teenagers are never messy.

Well, I don't have a choice.

He's been having some emotional problems, and my sister can't leave him alone.

Emotional problems?

What does that mean?

A couple of weeks ago, he tried to commit su1c1de.

What?

Uncle Spence?

Uh...

Where should I put my bags?

Hi.

[Door opens]

Remi?

Look who I've got.

Hey.

Hey.

Don't just stand there.

Go hug him.

[Chuckles]

[Laughing]

Mom?

Oh. Sorry.

It's just like a movie.

"Remi and Valentina...

Together again"!

Ignore her.

So...

How are you feeling?

Better...

Now that I'm seeing you.

I want to apologize for what happened in Africa.

You don't have to do that.

No, I do.

I was selfish and insensitive.

But now that I'm back...

I really want us to get back together, you know?

Start all over.

Start over?

If you'll have me.

[Coughing]

We don't need to talk about this now.

You should get your rest.

She's right, Remi.

You know what the doctors said.

All right.

Val?

I love you.

Okay.

"Okay"?

When Remi says he loves you, you say, "I love you, too," not "okay."

I don't know if I can say that.

Is it the beard?

Because I agree...

It's terrible.

When the doctor sedates him, we'll shave it off.

It's not the beard.

What, then?

I'm seeing someone.

Who?

Ethan, your pool boy.

You're dating my pool boy?

I still adore Remi.

I-I do.

But Ethan really understands me.

Then I want you to stay away.

Mrs. Delatour.

Remi is sick.

And hearing you've abandoned him won't help him get better.

I haven't abandoned him.

Well, you can't have them both.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Valentina was just leaving.

[Marisol laughing]

Okay, savor, savor.

There's not a lot of them.

[Both laugh]

All right.

You're a taskmaster!

[Makes whipping sound, laughs]

Hi.

Nick?!

What are you doing home?

I forgot some papers.

Who's this?

Kim Rampton.

My book editor.

I told you we were working today.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

I thought Kim was a girl.

Oh! Please don't make me relive every day of high school.

Hi. Nice to finally meet you.

Likewise.

Well, we're just working on polishing up my manuscript.

Mm-hmm. I'm having more fun than you can imagine. [Chuckles]

Oh, I don't know.

I can imagine quite a lot.

We still have a lot of work to do, so...

Say no more.

[Clears throat]

All right.

Okay.

Now, I wanted to talk to you about the last chapter.

I know...

It's a little overwritten.

Oh, it's just a bit, Miss Tolstoy.

[Both laugh]

Um...

Nick, aren't you going back to the office?

There's no need.

I can read these right here.

T-that won't bother you, will it?

Uh... I guess not.

So, how deeply should I cut?

Well, if you lose the first paragraph... right?

And then pick it back up on this page here...

Right? See that?

And then you could...

Hey, Kim, why don't you pull that chair over here?

Oh. [Chuckles]

Tired of me hovering over you, huh?

[Chuckles]

No, no.

I just think this would be more comfortable.

For everybody.

Okay...

I am telling you, your editor wants to have sex with you.

You are now officially laughable.

I can see it in his eyes, the way he touches you.

Oh! Kim touches me like a friend.

Yeah, who's looking for a benefit.

First of all, Kim is the consummate professional, and secondly, I'm not even his type.

He's married to a blue-eyed blonde from Minnesota.

Well, lots of men love chocolate ice cream, but every now and then, they crave vanilla.

If you're going to reduce me to a flavor, can you pick something more interesting than vanilla?

Trust me. Kim wants more from you than scintillating prose. [Scoffs]

Kim's agenda is meaningless unless I'm interested.

Are you suggesting that's possible?

And be careful how you answer.

He makes me uncomfortable.

That should matter to you.

Okay.

Tell you what... I will invite Kim for dinner tomorrow night.

You will get to know him, see that he's harmless.

You might even become friends.

[Chuckles]

Opal's off tomorrow night.

Then I'll cook.

I don't know what I'll be serving, but you'll be eating crow.

Carmen is a fantastic cook.

While you're here, she'll make you anything you want.

That'd be great.

Thank you very much.

[Cellphone rings]

Oh. I got to take this.

I'll be right back.

[Cellphone beeps]

So...

I guess my uncle told you about my su1c1de attempt.

Why would you say that?

We're having steak, and you brought me a plastic Kn*fe.

I just don't like doing dishes.

It's okay.

I don't mind that he told you.

Then... can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Why would you try to...

You know?

I was just...

Feeling bad...

About my life.

Are you feeling better now?

[Chuckles]

Relax.

I'm not gonna k*ll myself.

Oh, good.

The job is hard enough.

I don't need to be opening doors and finding bodies.

[Laughs]

I love that you made a joke!

Most people just tiptoe around me 'cause they're so worried.

Well, I'm not worried.

Not anymore.

Does that mean I can have a real Kn*fe?

[Chuckles] No.

[Laughs]

I'm running to the store.

I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Okay.

And just so you know, Miguel is taking a nap in his room.

Lord.

You are not asking me to babysit, are you?

Well, since he's asleep, I didn't think you'd...

I'll be back in 10 minutes.

[Whirring]

Oh!

Ohh!

[Gasps]

Now, what did I say about playing in the house, little boy?

You don't remember?

Well.

I'm going to see to it that you do.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

Remi's asleep.

I'm not here to see him.

Oh.

I need some advice.

But I can't talk to the person I usually go to because...

I'm supposed to be mad at her.

Does that mean you've forgiven me?

I'm so sorry for being such a brat.

When I heard about you and papi, I should have called.

It's okay. You're here now, and that is all I care about.

Now, tell me, how can I help?

Well...

[Sighs]

I've been seeing Ethan for the last month.

That's what I heard.

And it's been great.

But Remi's back.

And saying all the things I wanted him to say six months ago.

Oh, mami, I love Remi.

But he broke my heart.

Yes, he did.

And Ethan is exciting, and he makes me laugh, but how well do I really know him?

He could hurt me, too.

Well, he sure could.

[Chuckles lightly]

You totally have my permission to tell me what to do.

Honey, this is one decision I can't make for you.

Come on.

You live to give me advice.

[Breathes deeply]

All right. Here goes.

Eat something.

You're too thin.

You're really not gonna tell me what to do?

Nope.

Your statue's almost finished.

Yeah. It might end up being the best thing I've ever done.

[Chuckles] By the way...

Miguel got up from his nap five minutes after you left.

I hope he wasn't any trouble.

Well, he was playing with that car again...

Came out of nowhere, knocked me over.

So I spanked him.

You did what?

It was just a little swat on his bottom.

I put the fear of Lucinda into him...

Been a perfect angel ever since.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

[Smooches]

[Exhales deeply]

You do not hit my son.

He was zooming that car through the house, bent on destruction.

What was I supposed to do?

Talk to him.

Tell him if he's good, you'll give him a cookie.

I do not negotiate with t*rrorists.

Miguel is my son, and I don't believe in v*olence.

You act like I was b*ating on the boy. It was nothing.

Here... let me show you what I did.

[Gasps] Don't touch me!

Why are you getting so upset?

It was just a little old-fashioned discipline.

If you want to spank children, get some of your own!

Fine. I will never touch Miguel again.

But just so you know, that was a very cruel thing to say.

She spanked Miguel?

Can you believe it?

I am shocked.

I know.

So, what did he do?

Your "perfect child" must have done something wrong.

What was it?

What does it matter?

Miss Lucinda did v*olence on him.

She spanked him.

That's not even close to v*olence.

And stop eating my fries.

That felt close to v*olence.

The point is, society has changed.

Nobody really spanks anymore.

I let a guy spank me once.

We're not talking about sex.

Why not?

It would be more fun.

The problem with spanking is that it can very easily turn into abuse.

Whoa!

I spanked Valentina when she was little.

Do you feel I'm abusive?

You are to me.

I don't mean to criticize your parenting skills.

It's just that when my son would misbehave, I would talk to him.

Didn't he end up in jail?

[Chuckling] He was framed!

I also dated this guy who liked me to twist his nipples.

Okay, either follow the conversation or sit over there.

So, what do I do about miss Lucinda?

You made your feelings known.

I think it's over.

Until the next time Miguel is naughty.

You think she'd spank him again?

No.

She'll just fire you.

It's her house.

She doesn't have to put up with kids who misbehave.

I just wish I knew what was up with her.

Miss Lucinda is angry about something, and it's not my son.

[Carmen laughs]

This other guy made me wear heels and walk on his back.

Ay!

What are you doing in here?

I'm moving in.

Didn't we discuss this?

We did.

You told me to stay in the pool house.

And yet, here you are, putting your boxer shorts in my chiffonier.

I think, in the long term, you'll prefer this arrangement.

Since when do you decide what I'd prefer?

You're an employee.

An employee who gives you orgasms.

I'm not saying you don't go the extra mile, but it doesn't entitle you to be disrespectful.

You were right when you said I was a real man.

And like all real men, I have needs.

If I waited for someone to hand them to me, well...

You wouldn't find me so sexy and irresistible.

I think you're overestimating the power of your abs.

This is what strength looks like, Evelyn.

You'll come to appreciate it in time.

[Gasps]

So this is the price I pay for passion?

It is.

But I'm worth it.

[Chuckles lightly]

Hey!

Hey.

When does my uncle get home?

Oh, not till late.

He's sh**ting a commercial.

What are you doing tonight?

Are you kidding?

It's Friday night.

I've got crazy plans.

Gonna drink tea and write in my therapy journal.

Why don't you call some friends and have them come over?

My uncle wouldn't like that.

No! He wants you to have a good time.

We both do.

In that case, I'll see who's around.

Great.

I'll go to the store and go get you some chips and dip.

Can I just say, you're... super-cool and fun and really nice.

Nothing about my looks?

Okay.

[Laughter]

I'm so glad we did this.

I knew you two would hit it off.

Are you kidding me?

I love this guy.

He keeps re-filling my glass.

I like my guests to feel relaxed.

So, Marisol, we should start talking about the book tour.

Already?

It's never too early to start planning.

Well, now, what exactly is a book tour?

Marisol and I would go on the road for a few weeks, do some book signings, interviews...

You know, that sort of stuff.

Yeah, just the two of you...

Out on the road.

Hey, I haven't seen your wife in months. How's Ingrid?

Not exactly sure.

We only speak through attorneys these days.

Attorneys?

Yeah, I didn't want to mention it, but I'm getting divorced.

Oh. So you're about to be single.

Isn't there a chance you two could work it out?

You seem so devoted to each other.

Yeah, I got caught red-handed.

There was this gorgeous writer.

We were in Chicago together.

On a book tour?

Good guess.

And one thing led to another and...

[Chuckling]

You know how it goes.

I do. [Chuckles]

I really do.

Kim, don't you think you've had enough?

No, I can still feel my liver.

[Laughter]

So, hey, now that you're single, you'll probably want to start dating, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

If you know anyone...

Oh! There's a woman at my gym...

Very sweet, blond.

Yeah, I'm sick of sweet blondes.

I want a brunette, you know?

Someone spicy and ethnic, like you.

Nick, you don't know how lucky you are to have swept this one up.

[Chuckles]

And you don't know how lucky you are to still have that hand.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Chuckles]

[Dance music plays]

No, no, no, no, no!

[Indistinct conversations]

Excuse me!

Where's Ty?

Who?

Ty?

Hey.

Did you get the chips?

What is going on?

I said you could have a few friends over!

I only texted four people.

There's more than four people here!

Well, word got out, and at first, I was angry, but...

Now I just feel popular.

Oh.

I'm glad you had fun.

Because this party's over!

Carmen...

Please don't make me send people home.

I'll be humiliated.

Oh, you'll get over it.

Maybe.

Unless I get depressed again.

And then...

Who knows what I'll do.

You did not just thr*aten that.

Look, I'm having fun.

That's what you and uncle Spence wanted, right?

Hey, there.

There's a party going on next door, and it's so very loud.

Do you have any policemen close by?

Hi.

What are you doing here?

You haven't returned my calls.

I've had a lot on my mind.

Look, I-I get it.

You and Remi were really serious, and you've only known me for a few weeks.

So if...

If you want me to back off, I will.

Wow.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm... I'm crazy-jealous.

I mean, I want...

I want to k*ll the guy.

I care about you, and...

I want you to be happy.

That's very... noble.

I may not be rich, and I haven't saved any lives... lately...

But I do have my moments.

[Chuckles lightly]

And this is one of them.

Well, tonight was lovely.

But weren't you worried that one of your friends might see us together?

That's the advantage of having an affair in Burbank...

You never run into anyone who matters.

Whoa.

Something wrong?

I've never seen a $900 dinner bill before.

Oh, they always get you on the wine.

And this was a 40-year-old Bordeaux, so...

Well, you're very generous.

Oh, no.

I wouldn't dream of emasculating you in that way.

Huh?

You're a real man.

And it's my understanding they always insist on paying the check.

That's very clever, Evelyn.

But I don't have that kind of cash, and my credit card's at its limit.

How unfortunate for you.

This is my old friend Angelo.

He has been the maitre' here for years.

Before that, he had some sort of career in New Jersey.

What was it you were involved in?

I can't talk about it.

Fair enough.

Anyway, this is my friend, Tony, and if he doesn't pay the bill, call the police...

Or whatever it is you do in these situations.

Just tell me what you want.

I want you to behave.

Fine.

Thank you.

We may be having an affair, but don't think for two seconds it gives you some kind of power over me.

So let me be clear...

You can screw me, but you can't screw with me.

I'll move my things back to the pool house in the morning.

As if there was ever any doubt.

[Doorbell rings, dance music plays]

Excuse me, ma'am.

One of your neighbors called to complain about loud music.

40 minutes ago.

Thanks for rushing over.

[Music stops]

[All groaning]

Okay, listen up, people.

The police are here.

And before you mouth off, remember...

They've got batons, and they're not afraid to use them!

That's not cool, ma'am.

Hey.

Is there a problem?

Yes. They want all your friends out of the house now!

But it's not even 10:00 yet.

Where you going?

Guys, wait!

Oops.

Son, what's in that cup?

Um... milk?

[Sniffs]

What are you, 16?

[Chuckles]

Oh, I'm so flattered.

Actually, I'm 39.

The missus will back me up on that.

He's 17. Why?

Son, I'm gonna need you to blow into this.

No!

Nobody's blowing nothing.

Ma'am, you need to step back.

This is a violation of my civil rights.

I'm not doing that.

Then you're gonna have to come with us.

Hey, you'll get me in trouble.

Put those away.

Please turn around.

Are you deaf?

I said stop!

[Cell door clanging, slams]

You couldn't just pretend to be my wife?

Uncle Spence is gonna be so mad.

You've got to talk to him.

Y-you got to tell him this wasn't my fault.

You think I'm gonna protect you?

I could lose my job over this.

And stop pacing!

You're making me nervous.

You should be nice to me.

This is a traumatic experience, and you know how badly I handle stress.

Oh, you're not getting any more sympathy from me, you manipulative twerp!

Okay, maybe I was milking it, but you don't know some of the horrible stuff that's happened to me.

You want to compete in the misery Olympics?

'Cause I can take you on any day of the week!

I'm sure it's rough going through life as a hot chick.

[Sighs]

Have you heard of Alejandro Rubio?

Sure.

Did you hear how he was m*rder*d?

Men broke into his home and sh*t him while we were having a party.

You were there?

[Voice breaking]

He d*ed in my arms.

Oh, my God.

So you can't talk to me about pain until you've seen the light go out in the eyes of someone you love.

Carmen, I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

Your uncle just paid your bail.

Yours, too.

Time to go.

Look, I'm gonna tell uncle Spence you had nothing to do with the party.

I appreciate that.

And again, Carmen, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry for everything that you've gone through.

It's okay, honey.

It wasn't your fault.

You're angry with me.

Yep.

Why?

Because I was right about your friend?

You can't judge him by tonight.

He was drunk.

In vino veritas.

There were no secrets revealed, other than a middle-aged man has a work crush.

I tell you one thing we learned...

You're not going on that book tour.

That decision is not up to you.

Do you want to be alone with him?

[Scoffs]

Do you want to be alone with him?! Is that it?!

[Scoffs]

Why aren't we laughing right now?

Kim was so ridiculous tonight!

I c... I cannot go through this again.

Okay? The uncertainty, the paranoia, the...

What do you mean "again"?

Dahlia had an affair.

Oh, Nick.

I should have told you.

I just...

I don't like discussing my failures.

Listen to me.

I am not Dahlia.

I will never be unfaithful to you.

That's good.

[Breathes deeply]

'Cause when I become jealous, I'm not myself.

Is it serious?

I think so.

[Exhales deeply]

Wow. [Chuckles]

I'm so sorry.

I didn't want to tell you while you're sick, but...

No, I'm glad you did.

I'd rather know the truth.

Does he treat you well?

Ethan is great.

Good.

You deserve the best.

Well...

I should go before your mother finds me.

If she gives you any trouble, just send her my way.

Just so you know...

I still love you.

Honestly, Val...

That kind of makes it worse.

No, pepito!

No corres en la casa!

Si, mami.

Good boy.

Ohh!

[Gasps]

Oh, no.

[Gasps] Oh, my God!

Miss Lucinda!

I'm so sorry!

Oh! It's ruined!

No, maybe... we could glue it back together.

How did this happen?!

Well, I-I was sweeping, and Miguel was running through the house and...

Of course... Miguel!

Wait! I didn't mean...

You are so lucky that this was your son, 'cause if you had broken my sculpture, I would have fired your ass.

Miguel!

Que?

Come here, little boy.

No, he's my son.

I will punish him.

I know you will.

And you will do it now.

Que?

You are living in my house.

I need to know that you take your role as a parent seriously.

Now discipline the hell out of him.

Orale!

[Imitating crying]

[Whimpering]

[Sighs]

Wow.

You were really tough on him.

How else will he learn?

[Spray can hisses]

[Spray can hisses]

Miss Lucinda?

Are you okay?

I've seen better days.

What's wrong?

Did Miguel do something to upset you again?

I was 6 the last time daddy spanked me.

He told me if I was good, there'd be no need to punish me.

So I began doing all my chores, stopped sassing back.

I was the perfect daughter.

Until I turned 15.

What happened then?

I fell in love with a boy.

Got pregnant.

Daddy was so angry.

He wouldn't let me keep the baby.

No.

Oh, yes.

[Sniffles]

He made me give up my little girl for adoption.

And all these years, I told myself maybe he didn't have room in his heart for another child.

But now I see him with your son, and I know it's not true.

I am so sorry.

I spend my days molding clay, trying to create something beautiful.

But what I would have given for a chance to mold a little life.

Anyway...

To answer your question, your son is not the one I have a problem with.

Hey.

Remi!

You're out of bed.

It's okay.

I'm feeling better.

And looking better, too.

I don't know if I told you, but I hated the beard.

You told me.

Well, it's good to see you looking like your old self.

Anything I can get you?

How about Valentina?

What?

She told me about Ethan.

I specifically told her...

Mom, relax.

I had to find out sometime.

I'm so sorry.

I know how upset you must be.

I just know that I-if she'd give me another chance, I can make her happy.

If you would just maybe talk to her...

You can talk to Valentina all you want, but I no longer stick my nose where it doesn't belong.

Zoila, when I was lying in that tent in Africa, thinking I was gonna die, she is what kept me going.

I'm so sorry.

There's nothing I can do.

You still love Valentina, even though she's taken up with someone else?

She's my life, mom.

I know we're meant to be together.

Then I will get her back for you.

That is a promise.

Patio's done.

Well, we still got a ways to go in here.

Be right back.

I'm gonna take this out.

I got it.

Thanks.

Look, I know I got mad at you about the party, but I'm thrilled you're getting back to normal.

Yeah. I'm in a better place, thanks to you.

And Carmen.

Hey.

Your uncle's got a real nice house.

What are you doing here?

Came to check on you.

Heard you had some...

Some trouble with the cops?

Relax. I didn't...

I didn't tell them anything.

How are you feeling?

I don't know.

I still have nightmares.

Well, it was an accident.

Carter k*lled Alejandro.

That might not be how the rest of us remember it.

What's that supposed to mean?

It'll always be our word against yours.

You son of a bitch.

You'd throw me under the bus?

Just keep your mouth shut, and we won't have to.