01x02 - Episode 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Stonemouth". Aired: June 8, 2015 to present.
"Stonemouth" is set in the fictional Aberdeenshire village of Stonemouth and follows Stewart Gilmour, who returns to the village for his best friend's funeral. Adapted from the Iain Banks' novel of the same name.
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01x02 - Episode 2

Post by bunniefuu »

"Before all else, be armed."


My family are going to k*ll you, just do as I say. Ferg, stall them. Move.

Hadn't been back since. Not until I got word my best mate had jumped off .. the Stoun Bridge. When he asked for help, I ignored him.

Am I OK to come back?

No harm is scheduled to befall you.

This is just until after the funeral. After that, adios.

That would mean that he was d*ad before he hit the river.

It would.

There's nothing to see, the camera was down.

That's handy.

"Above all else, be armed."

Any idea why he did it, Grier?

Things that happened between us, things that shouldn't.

Is there truly a soulmate out there for each and every one of us?


Hello, Stewart.

If only you were a Murston, Powell, if only you were a Murston.

Please, let me up, please.

♪ At the scene of the crime ♪
♪ They're working overtime ♪
♪ Fuel in the f*re, feet on the wire ♪
♪ What sounds like a crime ♪
♪ Is a house of liars ♪
♪ I'm still looking for ♪
♪ One good and honest person for hire ♪
♪ So tell me who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Who rocked the boat? ♪
♪ Stand up, stand up. ♪

(He grunts)

Go to Callum's funeral, pay your respects, then get the hell out of Stonemouth.

And stay away from our sister.

It had been an eventful couple of days, to say the least.

Come home for a funeral, suspect best mate was m*rder, get hung from a bridge by my ankles and Ellie... Did I mention Ellie?

Stewartie boy.

Thank you.

It's one of those days you don't want to end, isn't it?

Won't be long till you're an old married man, mate.

Pipe and slippers, bingo on a Wednesday, bit of hanky-panky on a bank holiday.

Sounds OK to me.

Decided where you're going to live yet?



Haven't discussed that.

Got a date?


Do you guys actually ever speak to each other?

Maybe the end of the summer.

You and Ellie, eh? Some combination. You're going to conquer the world.

You think?

At least you can save her from my screwed-up family.

Maybe you can save me as well, eh?

The thing is, I can't leave, not yet.

Not until I know what happened to Cal.

Bagpipes play: Amazing Grace Dad! We're going to be late! You got any black socks?

What are you doing?

Why've you got this kind of money lying about the house?

I don't trust the banks these days.

Tell me where this money came from.

Look, I do a bit of work for Mike.

Well, not exactly work, more turning a blind eye.

To what?

A bit of smuggling.

Smuggling what?

What do you think? Booze, f*g.


I never said that.

You stupid oaf.

Alistair Gilmour - golf bore, sailing fanatic, crossword addict and drug runner. Well done(!)

Before you take the moral high ground, just you ask yourself this - who was it helped you through college, eh?

Paid off all your debts?

Is this really you speaking?

Come on, we've got to go!


Look, just forget you saw the money and go home.

I thought I was home.

I'm sorry.

Woman: There's nothing I can say, nothing at all.

Connie, I'm so sorry.

I remember when you were just two wee boys, just like it was yesterday.

Now, you sit anywhere you like.

But not next to Ellie.

(Organ plays)

Thanks for coming.

They say there's eh... no right words...

.. in an event like this, but words are all we have, so here goes.

Callum was in his prime when he was taken from us suddenly.

Taken by the most horrific, brutal and criminal act...

.. the act of self-m*rder.

Now, I loved my son.

I loved him more than life itself.

But there is no getting round it...

.. he broke our hearts...

.. when he chose to end his suffering...

.. a suffering we knew nothing about.

So I want to say to the parents today...

.. talk to your kids...

.. find out what they think, how they feel and if you don't like what you hear, do something about it.

Anyway, enough of that.

We're here today to celebrate Callum's life, short as it was, and remember the good times.

Play the music.

Music: I Fought The Law And The Law Won by The Clash

♪ Breakin' rocks in the hot sun ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I needed money cos I had none ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
♪ I fought the law and the... ♪

I heard you went bungee jumping last night.

Nothing to do with me, by the way.

Word of friendly advice - stay away from Ellie and Grier today, yeah?

Don't make a bad situation worse.

Not if you want to leave with all your body parts still intact.

Do you know anything about this autopsy that said Cal didn't have any water in his lungs?

Who told you that?

I just heard something.

You heard something?

Don believes Callum k*lled himself.

Best it stays that way.

And if he didn't?

What if he didn't?

Do you know what your problem is, eh?

You lack empathy and you think you're the only person suffering here.

You're not.

Don took me in when I had nothing.

He was the father I never had, OK?

It kills me to see him grieving like this and I don't want him any more upset because somebody, what, "heard something"?

What if it isn't just talk, though, Powell?

My job is to protect Don and that's what I'm doing. Do you understand?

You need to keep your mouth shut, OK?



Look, to be honest, I don't know what the truth is.

I do know that it won't be pretty, though.

So, how's it feel, being back at the scene of the crime?

I'm just glad I can pay my respects.

Makes you think, doesn't it? Death.

You realise your mortal coil is just getting that bit shorter.

And yours, at this point in time, is about the size of an atom.

That is short.


I want you gone by tomorrow. Do not disappoint me.

You two OK?

Yeah, yeah. Stewart was just telling me he's off tomorrow.

Yeah, that's right.

I told you to leave him alone. He's apologised.

Doesn't make everything OK, though, does it?

No, not by itself, but it's a start.

Sure, honey, whatever you say.

You've got half an hour. Then you're out of here.

Thanks for saving me.

It's nothing personal.

I just don't like the way he thinks he can bully everyone.

Ellie, listen, Ellie...

Can I get you a drink, son?

Not now, Mike.

Now, about last night.

I didn't see anything.

No, you did.

But I don't want you getting the wrong idea... about Connie and me.

We're old friends, she's grieving, we hook up now and then, just for a bit of tea and sympathy.

It really isn't any of my business, Mike.

Good stuff.

You be careful.

I've got to go.

Are we supposed to be communicating telepathically?

I was just wondering if you ever told Don what you thr*at to tell him. You know, about you and Cal?

What about me and Cal?

All that stuff.

What are you talking about?

Ellie told me what you were going to do.

Oh, did she? Well, it's none of your business.

You did, didn't you? Why?

Why did you do it, Grier?

You know, Cal got everything he ever wanted. No questions asked.

Same with Ellie.

She was always the clever one, the one everyone listened to, the one who was going to do so well.

Fraser and Norrie?

Blessed with the confidence only truly stupid people have.

Even Powell was further up the food chain than me.

I was the one who had to fight tooth and nail for every scrap of love and affection I could get.

I was sick of being ignored.

Yeah, that's no excuse, Grier.

Easy for you to say. You're an only child.

How did he react?

Don? He went mental.

Smashed his fist through a wall.

thr*at to k*ll Cal. thr*at to k*ll me too.

Who else knew, Grier? Who else did you tell?

What did I tell you?

What did I say?

Piss off.

Hey, Ferg. Haven't seen you in a while.

Hey, Grier.

I'm really sorry about Callum.

Oh, don't. We all know you didn't like him much.

Always jealous of him and Stewart.

Get you, Mrs Perceptive.

I always thought you were d*ad shallow.

I am.

I'm at my own brother's funeral and all I can think about is sex.

It's natural. Sex and death, it's all related. They did a study.

Did you know that the risk of early death is 50% lower in men with a high frequency of orgasm than in men with a low frequency of orgasm?

It's the same for women.

It's a pity you're gay. My car's just over there.

We could add a few years to our lives.

I'm pansexual... to be precise.

Ellie, sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

I just wanted to say goodbye.


This isn't the right time, you know, today's not about me and you, but this might be the only chance I get. So...

Look, I really am sorry for humiliating you.

You don't do that to people you care about.

I was a prick.

Yeah, you were.

I'm going to kick his head in.

What are you doing?


Just need to make a quick call, two seconds.

(Phone rings)

Stewart, mate, hey, listen, it's me.

The Chuckle Brothers are on their way, man, they don't look happy.

Fraser and Norrie are after me.


Where is he?

There he is.

Open the door! Open it, Gilmour.

Get back here, Gilmour!

How was the funeral?

It was pretty grim.

It's not much fun burying someone you went to school with, is it?

Is this where you were the night he died?


Any chance I can see the CCTV from that night?

I told you, the cameras were down.

Come on, Ezzie.

At least let me see what happened before they cut out.


I need closure.

You see the money you lost last night?

You can have it back, all of it, just let me see the CCTV. No-one will ever know.

How much did I lose again?

That's Callum's Chevy.

There he is walking to the bridge.


See, look, he's waiting to meet someone.

Or contemplating su1c1de.

Who's that there? Who's that guy?

Get that one up.

Right go back, go back. Rewind.

That's it, that's it. Play it from here.

That's it, that's it. Stop.

I know him.

That's D-Cup.

Yeah, he came up to give me a bit of weed.

Let's see that one again.

What happened?

That's when the camera went down.

Hi, Ellie, it's me. Don't hang up.

Stewart, are you OK? What's wrong?

I need to speak to you.

I've seen some CCTV from the night Callum died.

OK, meet me at my flat.

Stewart, how are you, mate? It's been a while.

I should have called and stuff but...

.. anyway I need a bed for a few weeks. Any chance?

Got myself into a spot of bother.

Big-George-type bother.

Only this time I'm not so sure I'm going to get out of it.

And if I don't, remember I love you. All right?

Speak soon.

Remember what Machiavelli said, "Before all else, be armed."

Why didn't you get back to him?

I was up to my eyes in it at work.

Has it occurred to you he might still be alive if you had?

Has it occurred to me? I've thought about nothing else.

Now I know what this is about.

You're racked with guilt and you think that you can make it all better by finding somebody else to blame.

Cos that's what you do, isn't it, Stewart?

What if there isn't anyone to blame, what if it is your fault?

Listen to me, Ellie. Ellie, listen to me.

Someone tampered with the CCTV. Maybe your dad, I dunno.

But I saw the footage before it cut out.

There was a guy named D-Cup on the bridge that night, we need to talk to him.

And Grier did tell your dad about her and Cal.

I don't know what happened but I don't think we can pretend Cal committed su1c1de any longer.

(He knocks)

What the f*ck do you want?

Can we buy some weed?

Thanks for sorting us out.

It's been a horrible day, what with my brother's funeral and all that.

Aye, nae bother.

These yours?

Aye. I collect them. Bone china, vintage.

They're beautiful.

Circus animals mostly. Wee dugs, monkeys, that sort of thing.

But this... this is rare.

Blanc de Chine porcelain.

You cannae get these for love nor money.

I love the Chinese.

See apart from us, they invented all the best stuff.

Mean a lot to you, then?

Aye they do. But that...

.. that's my pride and joy.

You want to tell me what you were doing on the bridge the night my brother died?


I saw the CCTV.

I was just dropping off gear to Ezzie.

So you didn't meet Callum or anything like that?

No, gimme it.

Tell me the truth.

Oh, f...

Nothing you can say about my family will shock me.

That is the truth.

You said I'd end up like Callum. What did you mean?

I was just saying what everybody else was thinking, that Callum Murston going off that bridge wasn't his own idea.

Look, I had nothing to do with your brother's death, and that's the truth.

I mean, why would I mess with Don Murston?
(Vehicle approaches)

Oh, shit!





(Car horn toots)

Get in! Move, now!



I know your dad talked to you, Stewart.

I need to explain a few things.

About how you got him involved in drug smuggling?

Smuggling(!) Sounds a bit Daphne Du Maurier.

We're importers of miscellaneous goods, your dad's not involved. He's merely implicated.

Oh, that's OK, then. As long as he's merely implicated.

Was Callum involved in this?

I barely knew the boy.

So it's a coincidence that you both like quoting Machiavelli all of a sudden?

Don't make me do this, Mike.

Do what?

Talk about last night. Tea and sympathy.

Aye, OK. Mike here has been seeing...


OK. This goes no further, you understand?

Callum came to me.

He said he'd fallen out with his dad and he was going to use his own contacts to bring in some drugs.

He wanted me to shift the stuff down south.

I agreed to front the money so that he could buy a boat for the purpose.

Your dad looked the other way and we had ourselves a good business going.

I take it Don doesn't know about this?

Oh, I sincerely hope not.

You think someone found out about your little business venture and k*lled my brother?

It's possible, Ellie.

Got myself into a spot of bother. Big-George-type bother.

Only this time I'm not so sure I'm going to get out of it.

And if I don't, remember I love you. All right?

Speak soon.

Remember what Machiavelli said, "Before all else, be armed."

He sent you this?

He sent you this and you did what?


Did you have anything to do with Cal's death?

Say that again?

Or did you order someone else to do your dirty work for you?

You seriously think I would do that to my own son?

If you had a good reason.

If he betrayed you, maybe.

Betrayed me?

(g*n cocks)

Betrayed me?

What kind of shit have you been putting into my daughter's head?

Don, be careful, it's not worth it.

I thought it had something to do with what Grier told you but you knew about the deal he made with Mike and you decided he had to be taught a lesson, didn't you?

Didn't you?

What deal? What are you talking about? What deal?

What's he talking about?

Don Murston!

Put that g*n down right now.

Do you hear me? Right now.

By the way...

I know.

Know what?

I wasn't talking to you.

(He whimpers)



Hello, son.

When's the next batch coming in?

What batch? What are you talking about?

Just tell us when it's coming in.

How would I know?

Because you're the harbour master and they'll need to know when it's safe, right?

You can't turn a blind eye any more. Callum died because of this.

Tell me!

All right.

I just got a message from Mike.

There is a shipment coming in.


Tomorrow morning, about seven o'clock.

What are you going to do? Stewart?

♪ Mama said go ♪
♪ It's time to leave ♪
♪ Well, Mama, she knows ♪
♪ She has crossed the sea, she said ♪
♪ Follow your heart wherever it leads ♪
♪ I will follow my heart until it bleeds ♪
♪ Father said, Son, watch your back ♪
♪ There are thieves and they'll take what they can ♪
♪ These are troubled times all across the land ♪
♪ I watch it all from the edge of town ♪
♪ I was searching for answers Searching for the truth ♪
♪ I ended up where I started right here next to you... ♪

(Bell tolls)

It's got to be the boat, right?


Stay exactly where you are. Nobody moves.

Down on your knees!

Get on your knees!

That's your brothers.

All right, Mike? We're taking the coke, thanks.

It belongs to me.

It belongs to Callum Murston, but he's not here, is he?

You! Keep loading the van.

My brother here will be driving it away.


Don: Norrie, Fraser - come with me. I want to have a wee chat.


Da, we're hijacking this coke.

He's been bringing this stuff in for months behind your back.

Let me ask you a question. How did you know about this?

D-Cup heard word it was coming in today.

Nothing to do with your brother?

How do you mean?

You didn't know about this shipment before you threw him off the bridge?

We were nowhere near the bridge.

He was going to betray you, Dad. Sell out the whole family.

Shut up, Norrie.

Yeah, shut up, Norrie.

We didn't know what he was up to until after he died.

Do not lie to me.

Just tell me you hung him over the bridge to give him a scare and he slipped.

Don't try and blame us.

He was depressed because you hadn't spoken to him for months.

I'm trying to give you the chance to set things right, eh?

Just tell me he slipped, you tell me it was an accident and I can accept it.

And I'll accept it because the alternative is too horrible to contemplate.

Whatever you say, Da.

Whatever you say happened, happened.

All right, Da.

Fine, OK? He slipped.

I've made my mind up. I'm done.


No more. I'm handing the business over to Ellie.


The snooker hall, the pubs, security firms, the property, the lot.

Are you serious?

Don, that's not a good idea.

She'll sell everything. She'll go legit.

MY BOY IS d*ad! MY BOY IS d*ad!

And if anything happens to Ellie, if a hair on her head is damaged then I will come out of retirement and I will k*ll every...

(Engine starts)

Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t!

We're going after her.

Stay where you are!

Now, just because I'm going into retirement, don't think you can step into my shoes.

You overstepped the mark, Mike, accept it.

Because see if you don't, I'll burn your plant down, with you right in the middle of it.

What now?

What are you doing?

Take off your sock.


Take off your sock.

Which one?

Either one! Just do it!

Ellie, listen...

So long, Stewart.

I need to talk to you about Fraser and Norrie.

What have they done now?

Are you going somewhere?

You're leaving Dad, aren't you?

People drift apart, Ellie.

I'm sorry, but I need to do this.

You need to do it now?

This family is falling apart and you're walking away?

Do you have any idea what it's like being married to Don?

Try being his daughter.

Do you even want to know about Fraser and Norrie?

What about them?

They had something to do with Cal's death.

That is nonsense.

Whatever happened, your brothers didn't have anything to do with it.

Now Cal is gone...

.. and my heart is broken.

But life is for the living, Ellie.

You need someone you can talk to. Someone who really knows you. And there aren't many...

You're talking about Mike, aren't you?

I read once, years ago, a story about the oldest man on the planet.

A wee Japanese fella. 108, I think.

They asked him what the secret of a long life was.

Do you know what he said?


Forget the past.

You have a chance at real happiness, El.

Take it. That's all I'm doing.

You need to talk to my old man!

Explain we never touched Cal!

Hey, it's not me or Don you should be angry with, it's Gilmour.

If he hadn't come back, asking questions, none of this would have happened.

He'll be gone soon enough.

Don't think so. He's got your sister wrapped round his little finger.

I mean, they're getting back together, they're going to take everything that is rightfully yours.

Aye, he knows exactly what he's doing - turning everybody against each other, one by one, getting rid of anybody who's a thr*at.

I wouldn't be surprised if he had something to do with Cal going off that bridge himself.

What? He was Cal's best mate.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe Stewart was his contact down south. Think about it.

I mean, how else did he know that shipment was going to arrive?

So you're heading back down south, then?


I've made such an arse of everything.

That's harsh. But true.

Just like old times, eh? Callum would have loved this.

Yeah. It's far more his style than all that Presbyterian misery.

Is Ellie here?

Yeah, she's still down on the beach somewhere.

Aye, I'll see you in a bit.

Yeah, man, see you later.

I know I've lost you.

I accept that.

I just want you to know that I'll always love you.

And I still want to have babies with you.

(He chuckles)

Why don't we start again in London? Pretend like we only just met, forget about everything that's happened?

I don't know if I can do that.

It's too soon after Callum.

It's OK.

I have to admit, you two look right together.

Maybe now is a good time for me to say sorry for what happened at the wedding.

You've got nothing to be sorry about, Jel.

It was all my fault.

No, it wasn't. I was jealous.

Truth is I've fancied you since we were kids.

I'm not proud of what I did, Ellie.

I should never have let him talk me into it.

But he just wouldn't leave me alone.




He convinced me it was me you really wanted.

I was so out of it, I would have done anything.

He wanted me out the way from the start.

It's Powell.


Dad, it's all my fault.

I should never have said anything about me and Cal.

He betrayed you because you believed me over him.

Yeah, but I was right to believe you, wasn't I?

(Mobile buzzes)


Dad, it's me. Listen, you need to trust me on this.

I think Powell k*lled Callum.

Powell? Are you sure about this?

Yes, please trust me.

OK. OK, I'll deal with it.

I'll deal with him, OK?

Dad, please be careful and remember I love you.

Yeah, I love you too.

Tell your mother I'll be back later.


(Metallic click)

You know I didn't mean for him to die.

I wanted information about the deal. It got out of hand.

Forgive me?

You know I can't do that.

I was as much a son to you as he was.

As any of them.

I know.

All they do is slag you off behind your back.

They don't care about you the way that I do.

I know that too.

Yeah, you said it yourself, didn't you?

Didn't you?

If only I were a Murston...

But you're not, are you?

And you never will be.

Forgive me?

Like I said, I can't do that.

Now you're going to tell me where my boys are.

Fraser's gone to the beach. He's going to take out Gilmour.

Now you're going to go away and don't ever let me find out where you are cos if I do, I'm going to have to come after you and I'm going to k*ll you.

You're all I've ever cared about.


Well, care about something else.

To Callum!

All: To Callum!

(All cheer)

♪ For a revolution ♪
♪ For a revolution-tion-tion ♪
♪ Come here and do the right thing ♪
♪ Get up and have a party ♪
♪ Get up ♪
♪ Get up... ♪
♪ Get up and have a party ♪
♪ Get up ♪
♪ Get up... ♪


You all right, Fraser?

Keep out of this, Ferg.

Look, man, put the g*n down, all right, mate?

You don't want anybody getting hurt.

Too late for that.

How many times have I told you to leave, Gilmour?


Ferg... Ferg!

Nobody moves!

What? You think I won't?

He's not taking what's mine.

He doesn't want anything.

Who put that in your head? Powell?

He set me up and now he's setting you up.

Shut up you, lying bastard!



It's OK.

Someone call an ambulance.

Here, listen, look at me mate, it's OK.


Ferg, look, look, Ferg, look at me.

Ferg, Ferg, look at me. Ferg, look at me.

Uh-uh, no more.

Stay with me, Ferg.

Ferg, stay awake. Stay awake, Ferg.

Ferg, look, it's going to be OK, mate.

Right? It's going to be OK.

Just think of the good times we'll have when you come and visit me in the sh*thole that's London.

I love you.

I love you.

Don't die. Don't die, you bastard, listen, don't die.

Ferg, Ferg, Ferg!

Listen to me, listen to me! Ferg, wake up!

WAKE UP! Ferg, listen, listen, wake up...

Good book?

How are you feeling?

The doctor said the b*llet missed your vital organs.

Are there non-vital organs?

What are you still doing here anyway?

We wanted to make sure you were OK.


Is that an official "we"?

I'll let you boys catch up.

What I said on the beach...

.. just forget it, will you?

I just wanted to go out with a bang.

I love you too.

'So there it is. Ferg recovered. Grier headed back to her sh**t. Don went legit. Connie and Mike decamped to Spain. And Powell... Powell simply disappeared.'

'As for me, well...'

You'd better go, then.


We should be together.

What do you think?

I'll think about it.

Might be a bit tricky with you being in London.

(She clears her throat)


(Whistle blows)

And what was it Machiavelli said again?

"It cannot be called virtue to k*ll, to betray friends, be without pity. By these methods, you gain power, but not glory".

Something like that.

♪ There's blood on the table Blood down the side of your thighs ♪
♪ Mona Lisa reaches out for the sky ♪
♪ Oh, what can it be we're hoping to see or find? ♪
♪ Curiosity and our minds ♪
♪ You know, this sweet old world is the greatest mystery ♪
♪ From mountain top to the river to the sea ♪
♪ You never know exactly what it will be ♪
♪ Curiosity ♪
♪ Nobody gonna drag me round ♪
♪ Nobody gonna bring me down ♪
♪ Nobody round for miles and miles and miles ♪
♪ And there was so much more I thought I could teach you ♪
♪ You showed me You silly little creature... ♪
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