01x03 - #IntotheWild

[bunniefuu]

Previously in Becoming Us...

Because it's kind of official that my dad is gone?

It's still me. Still love you.

I need some air.

Whoa.

Oh my gosh.

Okay. Are you ready?

Oh, gosh.

What's the deal with you and Ben then?

To be honest, I don't completely know.

Ben, where is your boo?

I just didn't want to invite Danielle.

At the end of the day you're my son and I love you.

At the end of the day, you're my...

Parent?

And I will love you.

So don't get it twisted, home skillet.

Home skillet.

I'm Ben.

I'm 16 years old and I'm a junior in high school.

I grew up with loving parents.

I have an amazing sister, and I have an awesome girlfriend named Danielle.

If I fall, you're always there to pick me up.

I've got your back.

I thought I knew exactly where my life is headed until she came along.

Her name is Carly and Carly was my dad.

What now?

♪ It's a big, big world ♪

[Music playing]

Don't choke Ben.

Ow.

A whole lot of nothing.

Whoever is playing me should be terrified.

Boom.

You were like... like a surgeon.

Yup, surgery.

Like a neurosurgeon.

See?

Speaking of a surgeon.

So are you just like officially referring to Carly only as she and her and mom?

Do you call her Mom?

No.

Does she want you to call her Mom?

She does but I don't want to.

And she won't let you call her Dad?

Nope.

Well, she's gotta acknowledge the fact that she fathered you.

Oh, lordy lord.

He can't erase that.

Is she a better mom now than she is as a dad?

It's weird because she keeps saying, "oh, you're gonna get more of me than you ever had before.

I'm like... "

Now that's she's woman?

Yeah. Like no, I won't.

Because you were my dad when I did have you.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna have a dad.

I'm gonna have this basically a stranger in my life.

And literally speaking, there will be less of her.

Yeah.

It shouldn't be considered weird.

She's becoming herself.

[Music playing]

All right.

Here's the deal, get the cones out of the back and set them up for parallel parking.

Do you know how to do it?

No, I don't know how to setup cones.

Smart ass.

So, what's first?

Should I put my foot on the brake?

Uh, we should put our seatbelts on first.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

Let's see if we can do this.

The reality is that people have driven their entire lives and they cannot parallel park.

It's just ridiculous. It's not that hard.

Okay.

So...

Should I keep my foot on the brake?

Yes.

And then turn it this way?

Yup. Just put it in gear. You'll know.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Look in this mirror.

Stop. You're going in... you're going in a little too sharp to but...

So like, ease it up?

Lil bit.

Let's go in now.

Now straighten out a little bit.

Where's the front cone here?

Right there.

Oh, yeah, you went in little too sharp.

Keep going straight in for now.

Keep going. All right. Good. Crank it now all the way. You're in.

Okay. Stop. Now you basically hit the car behind you but that's okay.

Oops.

That's what bumpers are for.

Yeah.

Put it in drive.

Let's go forward and turn right and do a circle and we'll do it again. It's not that hard.

It's not. Just got to... got to get used to it.

I'm not that bad of a driver, honestly.

No, you're doing pretty good.

We'll see how you do on the real streets, though.

Now that you told me that, I'm gonna get more of you as a woman than I ever did as man.

You'll get more of me as the real me.

Real me. Yeah.

Yes. I am not so filled with distractions about living my life in a way that's disingenuous, correct.

Yeah.

Okay?

But since we haven't been camping in quite a while, I was...

That way.

I was thinking why don't we go camping?

I'm not gonna go camping if there's snow on the ground, no way.

This is like a freak storm, I mean. It's gonna melt.

Yeah. It is already melting.

I feel like we should like go to Starved Rock again.

I would do that. I love that place.

It's like I've been really worried about not being able to do those things anymore and being able to do these things with you is... it's really helpful.

My dad and I, we used to go camping a lot.

And I kind of just wanna see if Charlie's in there anymore.

If there's no snow in the ground and it's a little bit warmer.

Do I wanna go camping in November?

Not at all.

But if he really wants to, I'll do it.

I mean I think I'm way more at present for him today than I used to be and I want him to know that.

It's a good... good way to get, at least start making the connection.

And this time, why don't you give it some gas, because if you pull up from an intersection like this, people behind you would be like, "really? Seriously?"

Like "are you a douchebag?"

Are you're gonna start driving the car or what?

Give it some gas, go for it.

Just don't hit the truck. Alright.

Nicely done.

[Music playing]

Let's go.

♪ I know what you're doing when you're falling apart ♪
♪ I know how you're feeling when you're breaking my heart ♪
♪ I know we've debated but it's over, love ♪
♪ that's all for us ♪
♪ well, maybe we can work it out ♪

So I begged Carly to take me camping and she agreed to it and I wanted to ask you guys if you wanted to come.

What? Yeah.

We always used to go camping and by doing this, we'll just put her to the test.

New experience.

Why would it be any different?

You know, it's not camping with Charlie anymore, it's camping with Carly.

[Chuckles]

And it'll be...

I feel like it'll be interesting.

Yeah.

Maybe she'll be all girly instead of guy-e or whatever that word is.

[Laughter]

And I'm thinking of asking Danielle.

Danielle is your girlfriend, right?

My relationship with Danielle is complicated.

If you started dating somebody else, would she get jealous?

Probably.

I don't know. It's just... I'm a junior, she's a senior.

I mean I'm probably will invite her camping.

Awesome. No showers, we're just gonna be like all up in the woods?

All dirty.

Pooping where the bears poop.

Wiping our butt with leaves.

Hopefully not poison ivy.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Have you heard from Ben?

No, but he just post those pictures on...

I'm digging the bunny costume?

Yeah. Stupid bunny costume.

It's so dumb. Who needs guys, anyway.

What?

Okay. He just texted me.

What did he say?

He just asked me if I was up to go camping this weekend.

I don't know. I'm kind of mad that Ben didn't invite me to like the whole Halloween thing.

Yeah.

Like that would've been nice.

I think you should go but just don't like respond to him right away like don't give him that...

Satisfaction.

Satisfaction. Yeah.

Ben's definitely weird and he doesn't really like to make up his mind on things, but I want to be like a good sport about this and like go camping and have fun and I think it will be good thing, hopefully.

It's just been so annoying.

[Music playing]

This is a purple line train.

Kevin is coming into town to help me and my mom plan my wedding.

Kevin is really awesome when it comes to the wedding planning and I have never been so excited in my life to see someone.

Kevin is my fiancé and the love of my life and my partner and my best friend.

My side of the family is cooky and crazy and out there and then Kevin's side of the family is a little bit more conservative, so I hope Kevin can handle all of the craziness going on in Evanston.

Hi baby. Come on let's go.

All right.

I love you.

Love you, let's go...

This way? Okay.

[Music playing]

Cheers?

Yeah.

Cheers to being warm and comfortable.

To you being here.

Yeah. Yey.

It's so great that you're... you were able to come and hang out with us and...

I am too. I am glad I'm here.

I can't wait to meet your parents.

They are... they're lovely people but I know that they're gonna be a little nervous just because they don't know what to expect and they live in McEntire, South Carolina.

They're white picket fence.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always wanted to be a white picket fence.

I miss those days.

I miss being married.

When you look at Carly, do you see Charlie?

I feel like it's a different person.

No, it's a different person.

Yeah.

I know you guys have a good relationship for Ben but do you just...

We have a working relationship.

Are you angry?

I put up with a lot in those 18 years, so.

Like one day I was doing the laundry for example and there's a pair of black underwear like...

In the pocket.

Wait... like? Like ladies panties?

Yes.

So did you immediately think of cheating?

Yes.

But now I know that he was wearing them.

You can't have a relationship based on that kind of...

On a lie?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I had no idea that Charlie was transgender.

I worked really, really, really hard to try and make things work out, but because I couldn't trust him anymore things started to really go downhill.

We had a lot of lies in our relationship.

To save from having to talk about the truth?

Or just to survive?

Hearing my mom talk about how hurt she is and how angry she is, really makes me confused about what Carly's role should be in this wedding because I want her to be included and I want her to feel comfortable but at the same time there's been a lot of heartache on both sides and I just...

I want to honor my mom.

Well, your instincts are to not believe it, right?

Because you don't want to...

No. A woman believes it. A woman does... that women believes...

And your marriage is based on it.

And it's... yeah.

Right. Of course.

And it's sacred because it's like and then what you tell me is...

I trust you.

You guys have like a year's worth of stuff here.

Oh my god, what are you guys, crazy?

What are we... we're going camping for a weekend.

Is this everything like you own?

Yeah. Yeah.

Actually about that...

Yeah.

Well, let's get this stuff loaded in.

Help me.

I'm about to drop everything.

[Laughs]

Help me.

I'm gonna go around the other side...

Hello.

Put this on the other side.

Ben! Finally.

Oh, hello.

Nice of you to show up.

Where were you?

I was at home in bed and I was tired and I...

Awesome. Here, help me load.

Okay.

You get in there. I'm excited to go camping.

It's gonna be cold but I'm thankful to be here with my son.

He's a great kid, he's a really sweet person, so if Ben wants to go, I'll do it.

So guess what...

What?

I'm gonna hand around my purse and everybody is gonna put their cellphones and their electronic gadgets.

You're funny.

Yeah. That's what we're doing.

That's really funny.

No, you're really funny.

This was your idea Mr. Lehwald.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

It was not my idea.

For real.

Is this a joke?

Can I at least update my status first?

Do it quick, let's go. We're out of here.

All right.

[Music]

What are we supposed to do on the way there?

We're gonna hang out and chit chat.

We're gonna be human beings.

No.

All right. We are out of here. Let's go.

No burn outs?

That took way too long.

It's a two hour drive.

So can we stop somewhere? I'm hungry.

We're going to but it's gonna be awhile, so.

Are we there yet?

So what did you bring that's warm, Ben?

What I have on.

That's what I was afraid of.

This is like thermal so it's like...

Oh my god.

Yeah. I got one pair of underwear.

I'm good.

Yeah. You're good.

Lucky for you this mom thought of that, so I've got clothes for you.

And I got my boots.

She's such a good mother. Plus socks.

Did you hear me?

She got you covered.

Yeah?

I brought you clothes.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

It's very kind of you.

I know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So who's gonna help me cook?

I'll help you cook.

Me. I'll help you cook.

I'll cook.

Oh my gosh.

I would love to help you cook.

I love cooking.

So I'm gonna pick...

I'm gonna pick Lathan because something tells me that's the best bet.

Yes, I win.

[Music]

Ew. There's a p*rn shop over there.

Really?

Yeah.

Let's go.

I gotta go. I gotta go.

I gotta go.

I got to pee.

I hope there's enough urinals for all of us.

Or like most of us.

Ayton, they only made one of you.

[Laughter]

I have to pee so bad.

Got to go, got to go.

The bathroom is the most... it's the biggest most over talked, over concerned thing. Ugh, makes me nuts.

Ew.

Oh, it smells so bad.

You know when I go to the bathroom, I go in, I close the stall door, and lock it.

I drop the pants and I sit down on the toilet and I take care of business and I get up and I pull my pants back up and put my panties back on just like everybody else, and I walk out of the stall and I wash my hands and I leave.

[Music]

Fire danger today is low. All right.

It's getting kind of dark, we got to like set up camp.

I know. Believe me.

I give it like two hours before it's dark.

Maybe like two minutes before I go to the bathroom in my pants.

[Laughter]

Finally.

Well, okay.

Finally.

Finally that car ride is over.

Yeah.

[Music]

Oh, that thing looks cool up there.

That's cool. Ben?

What?

It's higher than it looks.

I'd rather you... there you go.

I'd rather you crawl it.

I'm just your worried mom.

Oh, great.

[Chuckles]

Whoa, look at that cave. It's like an amphitheater.

Oh, yeah.

Hello.

Echo.

Echo.

This is cool as hell.

Do you ever wonder how like nature does this?

Ooh.

That's way beyond me.

♪ Keep moving ♪

Hurry up, Ben. This position is not easy to hold.

Yeah.

I'm gonna take a tumble. Stand up straight.

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Laughter]

Oh.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Ben. You and your photos.

I'm coming.

Don't venture off too far on me.

He's gotta take his artsy pictures for Instagram.

Oh my god.

When I take pictures, I have a sense of control.

It's kind of, like, a way for me to express what I want to say and in a way that I can't really say out loud.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Ooh, nice. That's awesome. I like that.

Let me see.

That's really good.

Oh, that's so cool because I'm definitely not in it.

Okay.

Because you're definitely not in it.

[Music]

You go with Lathan and we will set up the tents.

Get some firewood?

And you guys are gonna... yeah. You guys gonna go find some more firewood, okay?

All right.

All right.

Where are the tarps?

Oh, they're underneath all this junk.

Oh, they're there. Okay. Great.

It's like the first time that me and Carly, as Carly have been camping together, so.

Oh.

Yeah.

It's a little weird.

Like when we do, used to go camping, she would drink.

Crazy amount, she would drink like gin and tonics like one after another after another.

I hope that wasn't too hard for you.

It was, but I got through it.

That's what's important.

Yeah.

[Music]

Hooray, we made a fire.

I'm freezing.

It's pretty funny how we have this humongous RV but yet, Carly still makes us sleep outside in the cold, like, come on, Carly, that's something that Charlie would've done.

Awesome. We finally made it.

We sure did.

We made... we made like record time in getting this fire, I'm like so impressed.

[Music]

Carly, I have a question.

Have you ever played dress-up when you were little?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

I used to take my mom's magazines from the basement, her vogue and Cosmopolitan.

Then I would sneak my sister's clothes into the bathroom and put her clothes on, makeup on, and...

Oh.

Wow.

Try and look like a...

Does your sister accept you?

... A lady in the magazine.

Did your parents ever catch you like trying stuff on? No?

Uh-uh.

You know, she'd come home and I'd hear and be like, you know, run in the bedroom, put them away, run back to the bathroom, close the door, turn on the fan, take off the makeup, and you know. I mean, it's just like...

Wow.

Yeah, I'm in the bathroom, going to the bathroom, don't come in.

You know.

[Music]

Carly, it has been such a pleasure being here with you and I'm so glad to have met you.

Aw.

And you are just the coolest person. Um, so you always felt this person inside of you that you wanted to express but you couldn't, or was it just always there, you just didn't pick up on it?

Well, it was always there, I just didn't get it.

I mean, you don't identify as that really anymore, do you?

No. Not really.

[Laughter]

I'm sorry. No, I'm not laughing.

You know, it's just a cute way to ask me that question.

That was very sweet.

It was very innocent.

Well, is there any part of that that you missed at all?

No.

No? Not a little bit?

No.

Not even being a dad?

I still feel like a parent. I mean, I'm your...

I am your parent.

You are my dad.

Yeah, well, in a sense.

Well, you're super sweet and I love having you here.

Thanks, so. Thanks for saying that.

Yeah.

It was good to get to know Carly better as a person.

The world tries to paint a picture of black and white, you know, male and female, but she just accepts that she wants to be who she wants to be.

When I was a kid, and it didn't make sense I thought there was something wrong.

So it wasn't until later in life when I realized who I was.

And it wasn't until further later in life when I could actually accept who I was.

These are ready. Who's got plates ready?

We got some burgers.

So good. Whoo!

Anybody else wanna burger?

It's really cold.

Uh-hmm.

And...

It's like, 30 degrees and we're in a tent.

That's true.

I mean, this trip has been fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There should be no reason that it shouldn't be fun.

Have you been having fun?

Um, I'm just all over the place...

I mean, yeah, I know.

... In my head.

But you haven't been really, like, talking to me lately.

Yeah.

Like you've been distancing yourself from everybody.

That's the goal.

Danielle is beautiful, smart, and sweet but I'm dealing with a lot personal things.

I still like her, though.

Well, you can't just like, do that, you know, to the people you care about.

Yeah. Yeah.

It makes me angry when Ben doesn't want to talk to me about like what's going on, but I've known you for so long Ben, I can tell that there's something like going on.

I'm sorry.

Come here.

Hello? Hello?

Are you guys done talking?

Yeah.

All right.

All right. Fair enough.

You guys?

Yeah?

It's time.

Finally.

Girls hit their tent.

Boys hit their own tent.

Ben?

Out of the girls tent.

Oh my god.

[Laughs]

The things you say are just so strange.

Ben, pull up your pants.

No.

It's my time.

Nighty night.

Good night.

Good night.

Why are you guys got to be all synchronized, like, ew.

[Laughter]

Nighty night.

Sweet dreams.

[Fart sound]

[Laughter]

[Music]

Do you think I'll survive until the wedding day?

You?

Yes. Or am I gonna wig out?

Um, I think you're gonna wig out in certain moments like, you know, you do.

Uh-hmm.

But...

But I'll make it.

We'll make it.

There is a lot going on, isn't there?

There is a ton going on.

Your brother is dealing with a new parent or a new... not a new parent, she's still the same parent, but he's dealing with a new identity.

Your parents... we're combining our families.

My parents are going to learn something that they've never learned before, I think.

And I think it's a very good thing.

But it's definitely going to be a transition for them as well.

Life with my family can be complicated.

Thank you for coming here.

Uh-hmm.

And supporting me and being the love of my life.

It's fun.

It is. I love you.

I love you too.

[Music]

It's cold. It's so cold.

I had to sleep in my jacket.

Yup, and my shoes.

It's 35.

You slept in your shoes?

Carly, I like your boots.

Thank you.

Your boobs?

Boots.

Oh.

[Laughs]

Oh, you got to cook that way more dude.

Can Ms. Carly give it a sh*t?

Do you like to cook, Carly?

I do.

So I'm reading this book right now called The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls.

Do you know that book, Ben?

Yeah, I read that.

Yup.

Seriously, it's so close to our lives.

It's from the perspective of this little girl, Jeannette.

Her mom is this crazy artist who refuses to kind of like be a mother kind of like our mom.

Wow.

Why would you say that?

'Cause I had a very good childhood and very good memories.

Then you blocked it out.

No, I did not.

That's your perspective, but it is actually...

It is my perspective and let me talk because you're interrupting me right now.

I think Lathan and I had a bad childhood because of my...

No, we did not have a bad childhood.

Nah, I beg to differ.

Growing up, Lathan and I moved around, probably 20 times in the first 10 years of our life.

We were never in one place for more than a year.

My mom had some tendencies with dr*gs.

With my dad, it was mainly alcohol.

It's taking me a long time to work through my memories of the past.

I don't think Lathan is quite there yet.

We have some differences in opinion here.

I understand and respect that you went through a lot of hard times.

Tell me more about myself that I don't already know.

I would like to share what I feel because I know that when you say our childhood, you're really talking about your childhood.

Thank you, Doctor Lathan. Thank you.

I love my sister but she's very confused and she was pressuring me, and pressuring me, and pressuring me to be honest to myself, to stop lying.

I'm just sick and tired of being called a liar.

I am... I am just so tired of people...

I'm getting really sick and tired of Brook ... up my childhood.

Sometimes you need to listen.

Thank you.

You just need to let her talk, let people talk.

Okay. Everyone stop.

[Sniffs]

[Music]

Tell me more about myself that I don't already know.

I would like to share what I feel because I know that when you say our childhood, you're really talking about your childhood.

Thank you, Doctor Lathan. Thank you.

I'm getting really sick and tired of Brook f*cking up my childhood and making it seem like it's something that it's not.

Sometimes you need to listen.

Thank you.

You just need to let her talk, let people talk.

Okay. Everyone stop.

[Sniffs]

So how did you feel exactly when you were little, Lathan?

You were angry.

Great. I can't even talk.

I can't even talk because my sister wants to make me seem like I'm some...

I simply don't remember it like that.

And I do actually have a extremely good memory.

Hmm, so do I.

As much as my sister and I have moved around, we've been in the, basically, the same boat.

I've learned to just simply not think about our past and our memories.

I remember when we were eight and nine, we gotten into a really deadly car accident.

Do you know why we got in that car accident?

She was on dr*gs and she was drinking.

I just learned to think of it in a positive way.

That's pretty f*cked up.

When a parent drives two kids drunk and on dr*gs, and almost kills them both, that's like a really f*cking big deal.

Your emotions are right on the surface.

Yup.

But you're like me.

You like to, boom, down deep, they go away.

They have got to go away.

It just that it really never affected me.

Well, but maybe it has more than you want to give it credence to.

It does scare me that Lathan is as fragile as he is.

I hope that one day we don't have as many arguments about our past and that he can kind of, accept and remember some stuff that he has put back in his mind.

I mean, you know, I would never say I was intoxicated in driving Ben, but the reality was...

You were drunk?

Well, yeah.

That's horrible.

I mean, the reality is is if you'd check my blood levels then, I would've been completely over the legal limit.

And it's nothing but grace that nothing ever happened.

You know, I mean, hearing that story about your mom, it's just like, that's pretty painful.

I just want to play catch.

[Laughter]

That's what I want to do. I want to play catch.

[Music]

How's class mama?

Classes are good.

There's our old house.

I know, our old house.

Yes.

So cute.

[Sighs]

What's the matter?

Nothing.

What?

Um, the surgery's coming up, so that whole concept of building a vag*na and what you have to do to maintain that and...

The vag*na is a very complex thing, too.

If you'd actually get all of the body parts.

What do you mean?

What do you mean if you get all the body parts?

All the body parts that are related to that area.

I don't even want to know.

Lady town is a secret town.

Well, good for... I mean...

Ahh!

I know, I'm sorry to even say it but good for her.

I'm sorry.

[Laughs]

I know, I know, I shouldn't say that because of...

Don't care.

You don't have to care.

Nope, I don't.

I don't have to care.

If this were only vodka.

You'd be drinking and driving.

It's a terrible idea. I want some.

I want some water. Just kidding.

It's not... it's not vodka.

Just kidding, just kidding.

[Music]

There's a lot of stuff that I wish I could talk to you about but I know you don't want me to bring up, so.

Some things don't need to be talked about but...

I think sometimes you feel like you need to control the situation because you don't feel like you're in control of a lot.

No.

Especially when it has to do with like my memories.

Well, it's more... I'm trying to rush myself to stop you from thinking about it too much.

What if I want to think about it, I think that's like, my choice.

I hope that Lathan and I come to an understanding about the past.

He needs to be honest and genuine with himself.

And when he accepts himself, I know that he'll have a happier future.

This is something I have to figure it out my own... on my own.

But it also affected me too.

And I feel like you just ignored that part.

I mean, like, I was... I was angry when my dad was like, "Hey, I wanna be a woman."

But my dad should be able to do what he wants to do, like, if that makes him happy.

And he's like starting to date again.

What does he... preference?

Girls.

Girls.

And guys.

It depends on his mood, I guess.

Oh, wow.

I tried dating guys for a while.

[Laughs]

Okay.

There was one type of person I was attracted to. It was really weird.

Bald, mediterranean, olive-skinned.

[Laughter]

It was really weird.

Bald?

I don't know why but I was...

No hair?

I was like, wow, attractive.

So it was like, weird. Where'd that come from?

[Laughter]

So that was pretty short-lived.

Kind of decided right then and there, well, guess I'm gonna be a lesbian.

[Laughter]

All right then.

How have you been? I heard you were in a show, Kev.

Yeah.

Which show?

Killin' it.

I was in Into the Woods, by Stephen Sondheim.

And I was...

Who were you?

I was Rapunzel's prince.

Of course.

So can we... can we talk about how you guys are getting married?

Uh, yeah.

I'm very excited about that.

Can we talk about it?

Are we excited or what?

Oh my god. He's so excited.

How does...

I feel like I'm so outside of the planning a little bit by being in New York.

Yeah.

And which is nice.

It's good that I'm busy but how is it going so far?

It's great.

And you're here more now which is good 'cause you can be here for your brother.

Yeah. Thank god.

It's nice that I get to be here at this time for this whole thing.

Is he talking at all?

I... I don't know.

He's so stoic and he's so selfless and he's so beautiful and sweet.

I feel like that's Ben's problem, is that he is too, like, too good and too kind and too quiet about it. I know.

Like if he had problems, he wouldn't voice it, voice them, you know.

No, no.

And I think it... because I think it would hurt... it would scare him.

It's very similar to me.

And we don't want to scare or hurt anybody because we're afraid they're gonna go away.

Whoa. Yeah.

So.

Yeah.

And you know, Carly is Charlie, is kind of going away.

Charlie is gone.

Yeah. He's gone.

But he is... I think he just... it's like, it feels like he needs to go outside and like scream.

Have you liked camping?

Yeah.

Yeah?

How's it compared to when we used to camp?

Different.

How so?

You're just more girly.

Yeah, well. You're right about that.

Yeah.

Me and Carly always used to play catch when Carly was my dad but once my parents got divorced, I had a... I just had a slope.

And, um, everything kind of faded away.

It kind of gives me like a little bit of a memory of there's like that little sliver of my dad still there.

You've got some interesting friends.

Yeah.

Lathan reminds me of myself.

Why is that?

I don't know. He's got a lot of anger, man.

I can feel that. It's certainly how I used to be.

Still think I'm really that selfish and self-centered?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

As I used to be?

Yeah.

You've always been that way.

Not anymore.

Yeah.

Less so.

Less so. Yeah.

Thank you.

I think I'm a lot more available than I used to be, at least emotionally.

Well, yeah, because you're not drinking.

Well, yeah. I don't do... I don't live like that anymore.

So I want to ask you again, do you really still feel like I'm just as selfish as I used to be?

Still a little.

I'm way less self-centered than I used to be.

But I got a long way to go.

I have this little game I play if I'm ever in a meeting, you know, draw, like, a circle on the white board and I put the dot in the middle.

And then I'll put a dot outside of the circle and I'll say, "see this? This is the universe."

"And that's me." But in a lot of ways, I was a great dad, you know, I was coaching basketball and baseball. Played a lot of catch with him, I still like playing catch with him.

Just because I'm transitioning my gender to be a woman, doesn't mean that I'm transitioning my responsibilities as a parent.

What?

Why don't you let it go?

What?

It's that I don't really know where to go. I'm sorry to hear that.

I'll keep working.

One thing that bugs me.

Uh-oh.

That is pretty self-centered.

What?

And selfish.

What?

Is you not letting me call you Dad.

What harm would it do you?

Um...

Because you are, overall, still my dad.

Yeah. I know.

You're right.

So like who would it hurt?

Me.

Yeah. Well, I don't know.

Let me ask you, do you want to hurt me?

No, but it hurts me.

Why does it hurt you?

Besides you're not that person anymore.

Because I've worked really hard to become who I am.

And when I say worked really hard, I mean, gone through many years of real angst and torment.

And I'm free. I'm free of that life.

All right.

And calling me by him, he, his, Dad, Charlie, brother, son, does nothing but not acknowledge who I am today and that hurts.

Fair enough.

Because I've worked hard to be who I am today.

Have gone through a lot of years of stuff to get here.

Believe me.

That's okay. It just tells me we still got work to do.

Yup.

Obviously.

Let's keep doing it.

[Music]

Can't wait to get back to Evanston.

Yay.

I just want to get home.

Where were you guys?

Hey, babe.

We went on a hike.

So, um, just a question, let's get out of here, but do you guys want your phones back now?

Yeah.

This is taking a toll on my Internet life.

Yeah.

Well, you guys were awesome all weekend.

I had an awesome time, so.

It's actually been like a lot of fun.

It was nice.

I love you guys.

Love you too.

[Laughter]

Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks for keeping us safe.

You're welcome.

And me barely healthy.

[Laughter]

I know what it's like to be a kid and be afraid.

I know what it's like to be a kid and be hurt.

Being a kid is hard, you know.

There's just so much going on.

We covered some really tough stuff, but the camping trip was pretty awesome.

Oh, how good does it feel?

Thanks.

To sit on an actual furniture and not a tree stump?

Yeah. My back has been k*lling me.

I know. Mine too. My neck is like all kinked.

Well, it's a lot more warm, that's for sure.

Yeah, I know. That's definitely the first time I've been camping in the cold.

It made us a little bitter.

A little bitter.

[Music]

In regards to our past, we're never gonna agree like you have your ways of coping with it.

I have my ways and...

We won't see eye to eye.

But, I mean, we're always family.

We're blood, so.

I'm happy that Lathan has kind of accepted the problems.

It's a step towards getting along.

I'm wondering like how it's so easy for you to kind of just, you know, get over the past and kind of just forget about it like it never even happened.

The past is the past. I shouldn't try to hide it.

You know, I've genuinely been through some... and that's not bull ... that's genuine.

That's real. And I can... I have to embrace that that happened to me and it just takes time.

It just takes experience and takes, you know, love.

I'm working on it.

I love this moment in our lives right now 'cause we're together and most... in our past, like, we weren't really always together.

And I think that it's really important for us to kind of not forgive and forget but kind of forgive and move on.

Everything that we do together seems a lot more like closer now.

We're thinking about each other.

We've acknowledged, we've made mistakes and we're gonna grow.

Yeah.

I'll always support you in anything that you do.

No one will understand like our bond that we have together.

Yeah.

No one will.

We went through it.

Yeah. Well, we don't have like the picture-perfect bond either.

No. We don't. But I'm here for you.

Yeah. We will always be family, okay?

Yeah.

[Music]

[Keys clacking]

I have some great friends. And we're all just working through our own problems and our own past.

Ben still has somebody to go play sports with him, still do those activities that he did before with his dad.

But now he has a mom who's much happier.

I know that I have a long way to go with my relationship with Carly.

But it really helps spending time with her on this trip.

I mean, got to do what we used to do.

I'm just here to show up for my son, you know, that is the reality.

I think he has genuine concerns just because I'm his dad and he's kind of losing a little bit of that that he has known for so long that's so familiar.

But for a 16-year-old kid to have the courage and the guts to just put it out there, it's pretty unique and pretty amazing.

[Keys clacking]

There's a part of me that would love my dad to come back as a father but there's another part of me that tells me no, because when he was your dad, he was messed up.

He was an alcoholic and he was completely unhappy.

And honestly, I'm gonna have to deal with our relationship in my own way, just because she's my dad Mom?

Mom/Dad?