01x02 - Clean Rockin Daddy

[bunniefuu]

So... you want me to sign a contract?

Yeah, just to formalize the relationship.

I'm her father. She's my daughter.

Yeah, and that is divine and sacred ground, my friend, a forever bond which no mortal can ever change.

We just want to redefine it a little bit.

I'm the singer. You're the songwriter.

Okay, what's Ava?

I'm the really cool surrogate mom.

So by signing this contract, you get to live here for free, Gigi also covers the rent on the rehearsal space, pays Bam and Rehab.

What about Flash? What's his deal?

He already has his own money, and his own apartment and a new BMW.

He's doing it because he totally believes in my potential.

Oh, I'll bet he does.

By the way, I think he had work done to his face, okay?

Look at his face and look at my face.

This is the face of a 50-year-old rock star.

A 50-year-old failed rock star.

In cocaine years, you're, like, 175.

Now, Flash signed this already.

It says you both agree to deliver five songs in the next two months.

And you need this pressure, John.

You haven't written a new song in almost two years.

Ira, my muse does not have a contract.

My muse does not have a schedule, okay?

Ava: Does she have a 2,000-square-foot loft with rooftop city views?

Okay, I'll do it, but I just want to make one thing clear...

I'm not writing some auto-tuned pop-schlocky Katy Perry bullshit, okay? I'm not selling my soul.

You can keep your soul, Dad. That's what I'm after.

I want you, the real deal.

I'm not sh**ting fireworks out of my tits.

I want to sing real songs with real musicians.

Cool.

I mean, unless there's something new and exciting we can do with my tits.

♪ ♪
♪ Sex and dr*gs and rock and roll ♪
♪ All right♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ 'Cause I don't want to die anonymous ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ ♪

Dad?

Wow. Johnny!

Oh, my God.

Look at this.

[groans] Billy Joel!

Jesus, Johnny.

God, Dad, when Ava woke up and realized you didn't come home last night, she freaked.

Where were you?

I was right down here, working.

With who, Pablo Escobar?

[laughs] Oh, my God.

[groans]

No, I got an idea for a song.

[humming]

I need my phone.

[humming]

[ringtone playing]

Oh, sh*t.

We got it. Uh...

[clears throat] Hello?

This sh*t has to stop, you know that, right?

Who's this?

[scoffs] assh*le.

Okay, now I just need to get my voice memos.

Ah, this is on pause.

Says you were recording at 7:15 a.m.

Let's just delete that sh*t.

Give me that.

[sloppy acoustic guitar playing]

[indistinct blues vocalizing]

♪ ♪

Needs lyrics, but it's pretty good.

Yeah, it's not bad.

Yeah.

You almost trashed it.

[sighs]

All right, go ahead. Give me some.

Go high.

For what?

Dudes, this is... This is unbelievable.

This is like a sign from the gods of rock and roll.

This is how Keith Richards wrote Satisfaction.

He woke up one morning, he had an idea for a song, he went to hit "record" on his tape recorder and instead he hit "play," and what he heard was the famous riff from Satisfaction, which he recorded the night before when he was [bleep] up, just like I just did. I'm telling you guys, there's no off position on the genius switch.

Oh, that's your songwriting hero, Keith Richards?

He's a fossil, Dad.

He's a rock and roll legend!

Oh, yeah?

Did you see his ad campaign for Louis Vuitton luggage?

Put a handle on his head, he could've been one of the bags.

Flash: Slash is sober now, Eddie Van Halen...

Even the rest of the Stones don't party anymore.

Mick Jagger jogs 5 miles every morning.

Ron Wood, fancy water.

Guys, I've been doing it this way, getting drunk and high and writing songs, for, like, 30 years, okay?

It's no big deal. It's just my process.

Call Ava. Give her a heads up.

All right, you want to write this song or not?

Yeah, I want to write a song.

Okay.

I'll get my a*.

I'll get my weed.

Where did I put it?

[guitars strumming]

[humming]

♪

Go the F instead of the C in the opening.

Like this...

♪ ♪
♪ Uh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And let go of my soul ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Let me up so I can breathe ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Got to find some kind of cover ♪
♪ ♪
♪ From this hold you have on me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm gonna get right over you ♪
♪ Or I'm gonna die trying ♪
♪ ♪

Ava: ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I can feel you like a fever ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Down in the marrow of my bones ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Sliding like a demon ♪

Ira: Great song.

Johnny: Hey, what are you doing here?

We need to talk about your process.

Oh, yeah, my muse.

Told you, Ira, she arrives whenever she wishes.

We need to talk.

Wait a minute. Did you drop a dime on me?

I dropped a dime to save your life, Dad, and the band's.

With what, an intervention? Is that what this is? What?

No, no, no, if this was an actual intervention, it'd end with us driving you to a treatment center.

Rehab knows a couple great places.

Five.

I know five great places.

But we can't afford the time actual treatment would take.

Case like you, slips, relapses, even more trips to treatment...

We could be spinning our wheels for at least a year.

So we just need you to quit dr*gs and drink, cold turkey, for a few weeks, write four more songs, then you can do whatever the hell you want.

Besides, it's in the contract.

I didn't see anything in there...

Oh, you didn't read it?

I...

Yeah, "Uh, uh, uh"...

Page two, paragraph one: "Substance abuse by employee leads to dismissal."

Paragraph 1A: "In lieu of dismissal, employee agrees to work clean and sober for at least 30 days."

"Employee"?

Yeah, employee.

I could've written "Johnny Rock," but "employee" sounds way more official.

Guys, I can't...

You can do this, brother.

We can do this, baby.

Here for a month with me as your sober coach...

It could work.

You'll be surrounded by music.

Listen, you come here every day, write and play, you sleep in your own bed at night.

You relax, have a little wine...

Oh, I can drink wine?

Ira: What... whoa, whoa, wait.

He can't have wine.

Ava: Yeah, why not?

No wine.

Everything in moderation, right, including moderation.

No... no alcohol at all. That's the whole point.

Oh, okay. So we're going new school. I thought we were going old school.

No biggie. Jesus.

Look, you guys, we all just have to give him some strong and loving support.

Ira: Total love and support.

Next thing you know, we have four more songs.

Well, I mean, however many may happen.

Your health comes first, Dad, okay?

The songs come second.

Right.

So three songs.

[scoffs]

What's wrong, Bam?

Nothing, it's just, this whole thing with Johnny reminds me of what happened with my mom.

Your mom was a coke whore?

No, ass face, she was a drunk, surrounded by people that cared about her and she still couldn't see it.

And Johnny and my mom...

They both have the same hair.

And I'm pretty sure she had that blouse.

Johnny: This is a shirt, not a blouse, and Bowie had this haircut in 1973, okay?

This is an iconic look.

Bowie's been drug-free since '78.

Talent-free too, bro.

Huh, Let's Dance? Let's not, David.

Hey, if we want to really get into this, Bowie's best stuff was done before '78, when he was high on blow.

All of our favorite songs of his...

That's when they came from, right?

Okay, our favorite bands of all time...

The Stones, The Ramones, The Replacements, us. Huh?

They were high when they were doing their best stuff.

I mean, John Lennon, high, wrote Imagine, and then Strawberry Fields and Revolution.

Okay, John Lennon, straight, on his last album, wrote a three-minute song about bakin' a loaf of bread.

I repeat... Baking a loaf of bread.

Okay, he'd gotten so boring, if Mark David Chapman hadn't sh*t him, Yoko probably would've.

Guys, it's not gonna work.

It's called sex and dr*gs and rock and roll.

It's not, you know, yeast and water and dinner [bleep] rolls.

Name one great band or rock star that doesn't get high.

Coldplay.

Morrissey.

Radiohead?

I rest my case. Okay?

God, every time I hear a Radiohead song I feel like I'm failing the SATs all over again.

And listen, guys, I've never written a song without some kind of chemical assistance, ever.

John, roll the dice. See what happens.

Do it for me, Dad.

Oh, God.

Maybe you guys are right.

Maybe it's time... Time to try something else.

I'll give it a sh*t.

Yep. [sighs]

all: Hey!

Ava: Okay, I cleaned out the hard liquor today, except for all of this wine, and I am going to drink every single bottle because I love you, honey.

Proud of you, Dad.

Where are you sleeping?

I'll be guarding the front door.

How do I know that for sure?

Well, if you wake up later and manage to slip out to a bar, that means I'm sleeping in Gigi's room.

Which means he won't be sleeping.

Which means I'll be sitting in that chair right over there.

Which means you can watch.

Ooh.

Why are you such a drag, man?

I'm a drag? [chuckles]

You hit the lottery here, assh*le.

I mean, Mickey split 'cause family's not her bag, but Ava... she obviously digs this setup.

In spite of yourself, your ego, your drug abuse, you end up with a smokin'-hot chick who loves you, your old band back together again, and a super talented daughter who just might drive your ass back into actual show business.

Yeah, if my songwriting partner and lead guitar player doesn't blow it all up by sleeping with her first.

Hey, man, there's a genuine connection between me and Gigi.

Yeah, there's a genuine connection between her ass and your pants.

There's a ton of great long-term couples in the history of rock and roll whose sexual chemistry made the bands even better.

There's only one... Hall & Oates.

Kim Gordon, Thurston Moore.

Who no longer speak to each other or anybody else in their band.

I don't care what period in rock and roll you want to talk about...

Sonny and Cher, ABBA, Blondie, The White Stripes, Sonic Youth, huh?

It never works out.

The Benatars.

Pat Benatar?

Her and her husband, longtime songwriting partner, lead guitar player.

35 years, going strong.

And his name is?

Ben?

Ben Benatar?

No, it... I mean, Pat. They're both named Pat.

His name is Neil Giraldo, also known as the guy standing behind Pat Benatar that nobody pays attention to, also known as Mr. Pat Benatar.

But look at the bright side, you know, if you do sleep with Gigi and then the band breaks up and she leaves you behind, you got a great name for a chain of hair salons.

Mr. Gigi's.

Hey. What about that?

No.

Got nothin'.

I can't tell if you're joking or not.

[inhales sharply]

[blows raspberry]

You guys wanted me clean and sober.

[slurps]

[pen clicking]

[piano note plays]

[slurps]

[pen clicking]

[piano note plays]

[slurps]

[pen clicking]

Can you stop doing the pen thing?

[slurping]

[slurps]

[sighs]

How's it goin'?

Do you want some weed?

Not funny.

You want me to do the pen thing again?

[pen clicking]

Radiohead to Morrissey, huh?

All righty. That's what you asked for.

[piano music]

[singing mockingly] ♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ If I die then I die ♪
♪ If I don't, then I don't ♪
♪ Don't eat meat ♪
♪ I'm all alone ♪
♪ Crying in the dark ♪
♪ Standing in the park ♪
♪ Asking a fatty for a cigarette ♪

[laughs]

♪ Don't eat meat ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
♪ Don't eat meat ♪

You don't have any dr*gs?

Nope.

At all?

None.

Secret stash of weed?

Nada.

Couple of Vicodins maybe?

I have a ton of Inderal.

I'll take some of that. What does that do?

It's my heart medication.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Helps with my arrhythmia.

You don't have any pain K*llers or anything?

Listen to me, you're just jonesing.

It will pass.

[sighs]

You don't take anything anymore?

I take yoga.

Oh, God.

What, you can't picture me doing yoga?

Oh, no, no... I can picture you doing yoga, but getting that picture out of my head is another reason I need chemical assistance.

Jesus, you in yoga pants?

Man camel toe... bameltoe? No, no thank you.

That's a four-Jameson job right there.

Have you ever heard of "The Art of Now"?

[sighs] Is it an Art Tatum record?

No, it's a life movement.

Breathe. [inhales]

Flow. [exhales]

Engage.

So it's a Sting record.

You need to get open, John.

The answers to these questions that you're asking yourself...

They don't lie at the bottom of a bottle or the end of a rolled-up dollar bill.

You know where they lie?

Right here.

You got to cure the addiction. I did.

And so can you, and I can help you, brother.

The booze, the blow, the weed...

They were all emotional crutches for me, until I cast them aside and learned to walk again, a free, clear, fully grown man.

[beeping]

Yes!

Bang, bang.

Hot, hot, hot. Hot... ow, ooh.

Watch out, watch out.

Are those tater tots?

No.

These are gluten-free tater tots.

Can you get me the ketchup?

Top shelf. I can't reach.

[sighs]

Hot, hot.

Hey, Rehab. How you doing?

What?

Nothing, just checking on how you're doing and what's going on.

I'm fine.

Cool.

New axe? 'Cause it's... Whew, it's k*ller.

Same one I played in the Heathens.

Oh, I... It's just that it's so...

You keep it so, you know, shiny, it just looks like... brand-new.

I just... I don't understand.

There's always this weird, you know, like, vibe between us.

I don't... I don't know why.

Which one, like, the anger vibe or the animosity vibe?

Here's my current one: I don't have any dr*gs.

Who said anything about dr*gs, dude?

I can't just walk in here and tell my favorite bass player of all time, which is what...

Bam texted me 30 seconds ago.

I know you have pills in one of these bags here, man, so don't tell me that you don't, huh?

They're prescription pills prescribed by my doctor for very specific reasons.

Yeah.

Come on, Johnny! Listen to me.

Oh, Jesus, what's your doctor's name, Duane Reade?

This is what keeps me clean and sober.

I'll bet. What the hell are they all for, dude?

Well, these k*ll panic. These k*ll anxiety.

These keep me from k*lling myself.

These keep me from k*lling you.

These keep the voices at bay.

You hear voices?

I do. I hear voices.

Do you want to know what they're saying?

"Give Johnny some Percocets"?

[chuckles] These voices are from a very old age, my friend, and they wish to sing, so I wrote them a song cycle.

What do you mean, like, a... Like a rock opera?

Rock operas ain't hip no more, bro.

Song cycles... Uber hip.

Yeah, right. I forgot we live in Brooklyn.

Dig this.

It's about the famine.

The famine?

Ireland, 1845.

The awful blight upon the potato crop?

It's called An Gorta Mor.

Oh. Is that, like, the name of the main guy, like Tommy?

An Gorta Mor is Gaelic for "the great hunger."

You want to hear it?

Now?

No, you don't want to hear it.

No, no, I do.

No, this is what I'm talking about.

You are dismissive of me.

Back in the day, you and Flash never let me contribute songs to the Heathens.

I know...

Not once.

That was a big mistake.

You diminished me.

You treated me like a second-class citizen.

Entwistle had songs with The Who!

Paul McCartney was the bass player!

Paul Simonon sang lead on g*ns of Brixton!

God knows why, but Rehab wants to sing a song, forget it!

Verboten. God forbid.

No, no, no, no.

Listen, I want you to contribute.

That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about.

I want you involved, you know, I totally...

I want to hear the... What's it called, the song...

Cycle.

Cycle, yes, yes.

Cool. Want to hear all 29 songs?

You've wrote 29 songs about the potato famine?

Three million people d*ed.

On an island surrounded by fish.

It lasted eight years.

You got to really hate fish to not eat 'em for eight years, Re, I mean...

They couldn't afford to build boats, and the entire third hour of the cycle is about that...

Third hour? Is the cycle longer than the actual famine?

You just hear the first number, and you tell me whether or not it's right for Gigi.

[sighs] What's it called?

Bloody English Horse.

You might have to give me something to help me, you know, focus.

How about an Adderall?

What does it do?

It's got a cocaine-type high, lasts for five hours.

Yes, perfect.

One Adderall, coming up.

Nice.

♪ Decaying while we're left to die ♪
♪ Clouds of death are in the sky ♪
♪ This blight on our potatoes ♪

It's good. I think I'm gonna probably need another one of these just to get... you know, really focus in on it.

You're Irish, man. These are your people.

You should know about this.

Well, you're Jewish.

Shouldn't you be writing about the Holocaust?

The Holocaust. It's got such a History Channel vibe now.

Yeah. Right.

♪ And death and death and death ♪

Hi.

[glass breaks]

This isn't gonna work.

I know, right, so we'll just get rid of the blow, and I'll just do the booze and the weed.

You're right... no weed. Just the booze.

You have to get clean, Dad.

I'm dead serious.

I can tell, you haven't looked at your phone in, like, four seconds.

Do you care about me or not? You can tell me. If you don't care about me, you can tell me.

Honey, of course I care about you.

Why would I get the band back together again if I didn't care about you?

You care about me because, you know, you think that I might be, like, your last way back into show business or because I'm might make you a ticket or two.

A ticket is a million cash.

I know what a ticket is. I'm hip.

I use... I say tickets.

Know what's funny?

All the time.

I've actually never heard you say ticket.

Well, you've only known me for, like, a couple...

Whose fault is that?

Listen, I moved here to find you, okay?

I moved all of us in together because I don't want to be alone.

It's scary for me.

Well, honey... it's pretty scary for me too.

I didn't know that this was gonna happen.

I'm just trying to get used to it, you know?

Honey, I'm not just doing this, you know, like, some addict. I'm an artist.

The reason that I drink and I do dr*gs is because it unleashes my subconscious when I'm writing songs.

And the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is full of people who do that, okay?

I mean, I don't want you doing it.

You don't drink or do dr*gs, right?

No.

Good. Glad to hear it.

Why not?

Because I'm a singer, Dad. My voice is my instrument.

Right, and I'm a songwriter, and I need it.

I don't want you doing it 'cause it would destroy your voice, but for me, it's necessary.

Yeah, well, it might destroy the few brain cells you have left.

And your relationship with your only daughter.

This is a wake-up call, Dad.

You missed the first 20 years of my life.

I think that it would be nice if you were around for the next 20.

Okay.

[sighs] I get it.

Can I ask you one thing?

Don't date Flash.

Yeah... no, you have no say in that.

I'm... [sighs]

Hey, I date who I want to date.

Maybe if I had a father who cared I wouldn't be so hung up on father figures.

Give me the pills.

What pills?

The pills in your hand. Give me the [bleep] pills.

Okay, there are two. Thank you.

[buzzing]

[slurping]

[sighs]

[guitar strumming]

♪ ♪

[humming]

♪ ♪

All right, guys, so it's not done, by any means.

It's just a verse and a beginning of a chorus, so...

[clears throat] Here goes.

[exhales]

[guitar strumming]

♪ ♪
♪ I stand alone in the city of lights ♪
♪ I stand alone tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I hear the moaning of the misbegotten souls ♪
♪ Mining sinner's gold ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Mining sinner's gold ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Mining sinner's gold ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Mining sinner's gold ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Mining sinner's gold ♪

[song ends]

What'd you think?

I'll go get some whiskey.

Who's got weed?

My pill bag is in the van.

Flash: I've got a one-hitter. Colorado sh*t.

Ira: Better get some vodka too.

You know what, if he's gonna get high, he's gonna get hungry... I'll get some pizza.

But I thought my health was the most important thing.

Dad, that song sounded like something that Sting would write if he was living inside Sarah McLachlan's vag*na.

You need to get high. But no more blow... that's over.

Baby, I got some Darvon in the medicine cabinet. Help yourself.

Okay, uh...

Sorry, guys. I-I did my best.

Yes!

Hello, Darvon.

Rehab: ♪ I saw the living, dying, and the nearly dead ♪
♪ ♪
♪ People fighting for a tiny crust of bread ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Potatoes once of brown and gold ♪