01x07 - I'm Ready to Explore Boys

[bunniefuu]

Jazz: Tonight on "I Am Jazz"...

I'm still, like, exploring my sexuality.

I don't even know who I'm attracted to.

I can't definitively say that I'm attracted to boys because I think I might be, but maybe girls are in the spectrum, too.

I... I don't know.

Jeanette: I just want to put a little bubble around her, protecting her from the world.

Maybe it's time to revisit one of the support groups.

Well, hello, everyone.

I know we have a lot to talk about.

We're gonna keep you, little guy.

Greg: I consider us an ordinary family with some extraordinary circumstances.

I thought of it as an oddity.

I was devastated.

Jeanette: Jazz asked me, "what am I?"

And she would say, "Mommy, am I a boy, or am I a girl?"

This is my sister.

She's a girl.

She's a girl.

She's a girl.

I am transgender.

Greg: We love her just the way she is.

I am a girl. I am an artist. I am Jazz.

Young man: Push her back.

We won!

Today, we're hanging out at a pool by the beach.

The twins are with girls, and then Ari's with a boy.

And then there's the lovely Jazz all alone.

I'm like the... seventh wheel.

Ah, summertime.

[Laughs]

I'm so jealous 'cause you guys are already done with school.

When is school over for you?

Like, in a few weeks.

Ari: I always have been boy crazy.

And if I see, like, cute boys, I'm always like, "ah."

And Zach is a really nice guy, but I kind of just, not trying to dive into, like, relationships right now.

You guys want some drinks?

Can I get a strawberry daiquiri?

Virgin.

Yeah.

Better be virgin.

What do you want?

Just water. Thank you.

Be right back.

Okay, so you have to tell me.

Pull your chair in closer.

No.

Yes, tell me, tell me.

What do you want from me?

Are you guys, like, a thing?

No, we're just friends.

No, tell me the truth.

No, for real, right now we're just friends.

There's been nothing more.

Are you thinking about more?

I mean, it's summer.

We'll see.

Have you hooked up with him?

No, I just said we're just friends.

Are you sure?

I promise we have not.

Jazz is very inquisitive when it comes to me and boys and my love life.

She asks a lot of questions... A lot of questions.

Sometimes the ones I really don't want to answer.

I mean, at least you got something going for you.

What do you mean something going for me?

I'm just like kind of out of it.

I was looking at the boys, and they seem happy with their little girlfriends, and all my friends are starting to, you know, like do their thing with guys, and everyone's in that age right now.

I'm still, like, exploring my sexuality.

I don't even know who I'm attracted to.

Although I do have some physical attraction to boys, I haven't had a crush for like two years.

So I can't definitively say that I'm attracted to boys because I think I might be, but, you know, maybe girls are on the spectrum, too.

I... I don't know.

No one is open to, like, accepting me.

It sucks.

No one? Are you saying no one?

Not no one, but like most people.

All you have to do is really just include people, invite people, and the worst they can do is say no.

I guess.

I, like, obviously am gonna accept whoever she loves and whoever she likes, but I can't really picture it yet until it happens.

So much to think about.

Just don't drive yourself crazy.

What's up, guys? What I miss?

Yay, drinks.

Just girl stuff.

Nothing, just talking. Thank you.

♪

Jazz: Pretty warm. Yeah.

Are you relaxed?

Yeah.

Girl time with my mom is really important because to just talk with her, to be with my best friend, it's a necessity in my life.

Are you destressed? Is this working?

I don't know. There's still a lot on my mind.

Like what?

I was talking to Ari when we went to the pool.

Mm-hmm.

And I've just been thinking a lot about exploring my love life a little bit.

What love life? [Laughs]

You know, when I see everyone else finding romance and everything, and I just feel kind of excluded and left out.

I want to be a part of it, as well.

Jeanette: Jazz and I discuss dating in general, and I am worried because I'm realistic.

Dating is about intimacy and sexuality.

She was assigned male at birth, and that makes her different.

What attracts you to a person?

Mostly their personality.

But, you know, I'm physically attracted to people sometimes, too.

Really?

Yeah.

That's news to me. We never talk about that.

It's true.

Jazz: I've never really been in a serious relationship.

I mean, I'm not saying I'm desperate or anything, but with high school approaching, everyone is, you know, pairing up and finding their "mate," as you might say, and I want to be there, as well.

You have to put yourself out there in these situations so that you can get to know people.

How do I put myself out there?

You just be friendlier.

And then you can maybe take it from there.

Well, I don't know.

That's something that sounds uncomfortable for me.

Yeah, why's that?

'Cause doesn't that sound weird?

No, not at all. That's what people do.

People go on dating sites.

I'm not telling you to go on transgender.com match.

[Laughs]

What's the rule? Disclosing before what?

Before dating.

Jeanette: If you're transgender, it's dangerous to date without disclosing.

There are people m*rder*d every year because they were sexually involved or intimate with somebody and did not tell them.

When you are considering being in a relationship with somebody or kissing somebody, they really need to know.

I should write a book on that.

I would not read that book.

[Laughs]

Go back to 8th grade and tell me how you think you would have reacted to my situation.

I wouldn't have been able to accept the whole issue.

♪

So, what did you guys do this weekend?

Um...

It was very uneventful.

Yeah.

I watched a movie.

Jazz: We should have hung out then.

I had fun, though.

We went to this, like, really nice pool-resort thing.

I was talking to my sister about love life, and I have some new news.

I have some new news.

New news.

I'm ready to explore boys.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes?

But I'm still exploring my sexuality.

Like, I don't know which one I go to.

You guys should watch out.

[Laughter]

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

Do you guys think that if any chance I did like a guy, that they would like me back?

Or do you think they wouldn't because of the fact that I'm transgender?

I think that some of them are too immature to even understand what, like, transgender is, and they don't know how to deal with it.

And even if they do understand and they accept you, a lot of their friends might say something like, "oh, you're gay."

But even the boy might think that themselves.

They might be like, "I don't want to date a boy."

But do you think there's at least one guy out there that would actually accept me even though I'm transgender?

I don't know anyone.

At this age, we're all like 13, 14...

All the boys are still, like, immature.

Brooke: I'm not really sure what dating will look like for Jazz.

I've never seen her really like a guy before or a girl or whatever.

But she has to really work for it, and I don't think she knows how to.

I mean, I can't even imagine how it is for you.

Honestly, I try, but, like, it's even hard for me sometimes.

I really want my friends to be honest with me, so it hurts, but it's not their fault because I want to know the truth.

Tayack: We're gonna be here for you when it doesn't work out all the time.

[Laughs]

You don't got to be telling me that I'm gonna be breaking up with boys.

♪

I'm so glad you're here.

Thank you.

You need to get some days off so we can go play.

I would love to.

I needed my friend Amy.

She's known me for a really long time.

Our kids are the same ages, and she knows what I'm feeling, what I'm going through because she's already been there.

You know, for any parent, raising a child is not easy.

And you want to do the best for your child, but then you had this additional...

Stuff.

Yeah.

Issues.

Additional stuff going on.

Jeanette: Now that Jazz is talking about putting herself out there, I'm worried for her.

I don't know if she's gonna be accepted the same way as she is in middle school, when people start pairing off.

Mm-hmm.

We were just talking about it today.

Like, if she were to go on a date with somebody and they didn't know and then found out, like, her life is at stake.

That's how people get m*rder*d.

I was with a mom whose daughter in high school...

Right. was dating, and she was messing around with guys.

Beautiful girl... They didn't know.

And when they found out...

Yeah. they stoned her.

Oh, no.

They k*lled her.

My God.

You know, she was such a baby.

She was, like, a little baby.

I was talking to the mom, and the mom looks me in the eye, and she says, "you make sure that what happened to my baby doesn't happen to your baby."

And I was like, "yeah."

Oh, God.

When I hear about other parents allowing their kids to date, and other parents give advice and say, "nobody needs to know."

What do you mean "nobody needs to know"?

You don't date anybody without them knowing.

And I've talked to her about this, and she knows.

We've talked about it till I'm blue in the face.

She knows that you're doing this because you love her and want to protect her.

Jeanette: I want to put a little bubble around her and a big hug from me all the time protecting her from the world.

And I want it to be smooth sailing for her, but it's not realistic.

Taking a deep breath.

Yes.

Breathe.

♪

Sometimes, I just like to be alone and kick the soccer ball around.

It helps me, you know, get the stress out.

Hey, Jazz. What are you working on?

Just kicking at the net.

I remember when you were young, we didn't have that net.

And you would just sit out there for hours, just kicking the ball against the wall.

I remember.

You kind of stopped doing that at some point.

Yep.

Why do you think?

I don't have a lot of time to play soccer.

I don't know.

I just... it's hard to say this to you because you're my dad, but I kind of want to explore my love life a little bit more.

You want to explore your love life?

Yes. [Laughs]

I did not expect to hear about dating from Jazz this early.

I expected her to go through this process a little bit later.

Maybe much later.

Go back in time to 8th grade.

Okay.

And tell me how you think you personally would have reacted to my situation and how your friends would have reacted.

I imagine I wouldn't have been easily able to accept the whole issue.

When I was growing up, I was pretty oblivious to this issue.

And I probably would have had a problem with it.

In 6th grade before everyone knew I was transgender, I had all the boys lining up for me.

I think I was... You know, I just immediately came to the conclusion like, "oh, I shouldn't even try. I shouldn't care about this.

No guy's gonna like me because I'm transgender.

It doesn't even matter."

Do you get the flaw in that thought process?

If you're shutting everybody out completely and you're closing the door before it gets open, then you'll never get to experience that.

Not everybody's seen a story like this.

So when you're in a social situation and they're just really unaware, you got to give them a little time to understand.

I know.

Everybody has to go through this process.

Can't hurry love.

I know, but I just want it to happen to me.

Maybe it's time to revisit one of the support groups?

I had my grandparents feeding me bull testicles to give me testosterone.

[Laughter]

♪

Greg: Whatcha reading?

A book.

No kidding.

What's the book about?

It's a diet book that I'm not actually reading.

[Laughs]

Jeanette: Greg and I have discussed Jazz dating.

We just want her to be safe. We don't want her to rush.

You know, but when you think about it, probably the majority go through high school without any long-term relationship.

Maybe they, you know, play a game, spin the bottle or something like that.

Really? We went to the same high school.

We didn't hang out with the same people.

Obviously we viewed it differently.

I don't know. Everybody had somebody at some point in time.

And everybody came out the other side a lot different than when they went in.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

[Laughs]

We just want to check in with you, see what's going on.

We want to make sure we talk about the birds and the bees.

This sounds like a fun conversation.

You're the one that brought it up. [Laughs]

We're trying to figure out, you know, the best way to guide you.

We want to know your thoughts, as well.

You know how I feel.

I just want to, you know, explore and see what happens, but I don't know how to do it really.

I just want it to be natural, but now I feel like it's not natural anymore, so I don't know what to think.

I don't know. It's different for me.

If I like someone, it's not very likely that they'd like me back.

That's definitely gonna be true.

Dad and I don't have all the answers.

This is new territory for us.

So we were thinking maybe it's time to revisit one of the support groups?

Greg: Every now and then we face an issue where it's a little bit beyond the scope of just being a parent.

I'm a little bit nervous, but she has that right to live a teenage life, just like every other teenager.

You can ask them about love.

It doesn't matter how old you are.

Like, how they found love. Were they insecure about it?

Were they rejected because they were transgender?

They can give you their thoughts and experiences that Dad and I can't offer you.

We've taken the conversation as far as we can, and so therefore, it's really a good idea for her to meet with other people like her.

♪

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

[Indistinct conversations]

Well, hello, everyone.

Hi.

I'd like to welcome you all again.

I know we have a lot to talk about.

I'm Rajee.

I'm a transgender activist, author, and actress.

I didn't know anything about transgenderism when I was growing up.

As a trans woman, I know that a lot of times in the world, I feel alone.

I thought that I was an effeminate gay male, but in my fantasies, I always pictured myself with breasts and a vag*na.

So I started to connect the dots, and then I realized, "you know what?

You're not gay, you're transgender."

I feel like these groups are so important because when you get together with people that can relate to each other, I think it's empowering.

Jazz: Raj is really just incredible.

You know, a lot of transgender women feel that they need to do procedures or go through surgery to get rid of their masculine features.

She had a back-alley surgery, and she was injected with cement and silicone, and it just really d*sfigured her body.

All of us can probably agree that we felt different from very young.

And Jazz...

Hello.

I mean, you are a testament to that.

I'm so young.

Yeah. So, there you go.

At your age, I was shipped off to boarding school 'cause I was raised in a house where you had to be this and this, or you're not accepted by your family.

My father still doesn't speak to me to this day.

And I know that can be really difficult.

Yeah.

Even when my transgenderism was, like, the pink elephant in the room, I've always known that you're in my corner.

I've always known that you've had my back and that you love me.

And I don't think if I had your love, I don't think I would have been here.

Because you know, unfortunately, in our community, su1c1de is a very prevalent thing.

Isabella: Growing up and not even knowing that I was being different.

As a 4-year-old child telling my godmother that, "you know what? Listen.

My mother's a woman, my godmother's a woman, and I'm going to be a woman one day."

This is in Haiti, and, you know, with people who are very into their religion, so it threw them out of a loop.

Like, I had my grandparents feeding me bull testicles to give me testosterone.

[Laughter]

They went and they tried to cure it, whatever it was.

Well, I mean, I just feel like I got the easy end of it because I've always had such a supportive family.

So when I hear stories about people who have faced discrimination from their own families, it really hurts my heart.

You being here, I mean, I just think that it's so important for Jazz being a young teenager to have that love and support.

So, let's see.

I want to talk a little bit about love.

[Laughter]

Well...

What kind of boys do you like?

Prince Charming.

Does he have an older brother? [Laughs]

♪

I want to talk a little bit about love.

And I know for us trans girls, it can be pretty difficult.

As a teenager, all my friends are starting to, you know, do the "boy thing" and dating.

And everyone's worrying about that.

I've always been a little bit behind, and I just started getting interested.

I'm like, "oh, maybe I could try this out and explore my love life."

But I just don't know where to begin.

I almost want to look for them, but I don't know where to look.

I don't know if I should look. I don't know what to do.

I didn't date until I was 18.

It was just really hard for me to actually find someone who really liked me for me, who didn't just want me as an experiment.

Within three years of my transitioning, I did meet someone that I was in a relationship with for about a year.

And we just decided not to tell anyone that I was transgender.

When it comes to the realm of dating for myself, I am first off to disclose my trans identity.

I feel like it's best to get it out of the way early because you want someone who's going to really accept and genuinely want to be with you.

And also it's a safety issue, too.

That's what I tell her.

How important is dating to you right now?

Like, is it something that is constantly on your mind?

It's not like always on my mind.

It's just something I want to explore, since all of my friends are exploring it.

So maybe it is a peer-pressure type of thing.

What kind of boys do you like? I'm curious.

What are you attracted to?

The thing is I haven't explored it, so I'm not really sure.

You don't know.

I think I just don't like cocky guys.

I know that for sure.

Confident but not cocky.

Confident but not cocky.

Yeah, Prince Charming.

[Laughter]

Would you ever date a trans guy?

Yeah, of course.

Man: We make the best men.

[Laughter]

That's not me hitting on you.

[Laughter]

I've kissed a trans boy that is like 10 years younger than you.

[Laughter]

Continue to be who you are.

Do you.

And when I say, "do you,"

I mean get involved in the things that interest you, and organically, naturally, it's gonna happen.

Jeanette: I do get a little nervous listening to some of the stories, but at the same time, it's very enlightening for me.

These young ladies went through puberty and all the trials and tribulations of that, and they've just jumped right in to dating, and they have boyfriends.

I was really encouraged by that. I want that for Jazz.

You got it going on.

Yes, you do.

You have such a bright future.

I can see it. I really can.

I know you're gonna meet that Prince Charming.

Rajee: I think that Jazz one day will find that special somebody.

How it's gonna make me feel... I'm gonna be happy for her, and I'm gonna probably say, "does he have an older brother?"

[Laughs]

I thank you all for coming and for sharing your stories.

Thank you, guys, for all the great advice.

I definitely feel a lot more relieved now.

We're excited for you.

And I know you're gonna have some good news for us.

Hopefully.

[Laughter]