01x01 - In the Offing

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

The price is firm unless, of course, you make an all-cash offer.

♪ Lazy Fair ♪
♪ When I was growing up, I had a lot of dreams ♪
♪ My momma told me, "Son, you could be anything ♪
♪ As long as you spread your wings ♪
♪ I know one day you'll be great ♪
♪ Just wait, soon you'll aim up at the sky ♪
♪ And I'll watch you float away"... ♪

I want it.

Really, you don't have to decide today.

No, we just seen 20 apartments, man. Look!

Will you let her tell you how much they're asking first?

I can afford it, can I not?

Yes, you can, my cousin. Yes, you can.

♪ I don't want to worry about nothing for a while ♪
♪ I just want to play around, living like a child... ♪

Baby! Yes!

♪ With old tunes jamming on my Walkman ♪
♪ With some Sour Patch Kids and a Coke can... ♪

The lamp goes in a yard sale pile.

The cheetah goes to "take to Atlanta" pile.

Yes, ma'am.

Wait, I'm watching that.

No, no, TV goes last.

I got an important viewing coming up.

The reason why I'm moving to Atlanta is coming up.

Patience, virtue. And your current instructions.

Thank you.

We're moments away...

Oh, here we go.

That's my boy that's moving me to Atlanta.

Calloway, the Boston native who entered the pros as an undrafted free agent, has only earned the league minimum since his debut in Memphis.

That was then. Tell me about now.

Calloway exploded in Memphis, landing him a massive new deal in Atlanta.

And he deserves every massive penny.

Pundits believe Calloway makes Atlanta an instant contender.

That's right. Pundits know their sh*t.

Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Calloway.

[applause]

Yes. Yes, thank you.

I just want to thank Mr. and Mrs. Flaherty for bringing me to Atlanta.

[cheering]

You know, I stand here a lucky guy, which is unusual for a man with my background.

Growing up, my family often wondered how we would eat, where we would sleep.

Dreams were basically don't get sh*t.

And drug dealing wasn't a road to ruin, but a reasonable way out of this g*ng-infested place where no kid should have to come of age.

I wrote that.

No wonder it sounds written.

f*ck you.

No, but there's four people who forced me to believe that I and they were worthy of a big-time dream.

Like, a good thing.

Those four people that believed in me are my family.

[cheering]

So, Ma, I know you watching from home.

I just got one thing to say.

Thank you for not aborting me.

[light laughter]

That would have sucked.

[laughing]

Not just for me, for y'all.

[laughs]

I love you, Ma.

[applause]

Mary Charles, my sister, my idol.

Thank you for mercilessly hacking me in our every game of one-on-one.

I'm the sh**t I am now because driving on you paralyzed the young me. Still does.

Uncle Julius.

Thank you for teaching me the values of uncommon sense.

You know, I'm the one that stopped that abortion, too, that your momma was gonna have.

[laughing]

Reggie Vaughn.

My cousin.

Dude, you took that word cousin and just blew it up to include all these other amazing human words like advocate, cornerman, confidant, loyalist.

Yo, you my best friend, man.

All I got is because of you.

[cameras clicking]

He's gonna blubber like a little bitch. Watch.

So thank you, Atlanta.

Yo, we here now, baby. We home.

[cheering]

Well said, Cam.

Thank you, Mrs. Flaherty.

My plane's waiting to take you to LA.

Try not to cry on it, okay?

Calloway's initiation to the ranks of the elite continues with a trip on Jimmy Flaherty's jet to Los Angeles for the ESPYs tonight.

Then back to what will be his new home for some time, Atlanta.

[pounding on door]

Busy. f*ck off.

Yo, Marcus, it's Dirty. How about you open the door, I'll f*ck you up and then I'll f*ck off?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

[g*nsh*t]

That was supposed to blow the lock off, Come here. but it's a resilient m*therf*cker.

So open the door.

That g*nsh*t got me concerned.

Yo, if I wanted to sh**t you, I'd go sh**t your super, steal his keys. open your door, then sh**t you.

It's too much effort.

Dealer Joe wants us to talk face-to-face.

Just be cool.

All right?

This ain't cool!

We literally just talked about...

[grunts]

[groans]

Look, you owe us 2,000 American dollars.

Find them, steal them, or borrow them from somebody not named Joe.

Do one of the three quick, or you're gonna be making it up to us in ways you don't wanna.

Of course, I'll feel like leaning in and saying something all boss like, "Understand?"

But I know you do.

So I won't.

[music playing]

[door closes]

Hey, Ma, just checking in to see how the packing is going.

Got my ESPY.

Land in Atlanta around 4:00.

Can't wait to have you with me.

Did you just call your mother?

Uh, yeah.

She's having her first yard sale.

Does the way I f*ck remind you of your mom?

Because that would really bum me out.

No. No, no, no.

You're doing fine.

So, you're a multimillionaire and your mom still has yard sales?

She never had a yard till this year.

Oh.

Yeah.

[phone rings]

Ah. Hey, baby.

Hurry back home. I am not made for cleaning pools and I may not be made for life in Atlanta at all.

You got the palace of your dreams.

My dreams never involved Atlanta.

A city our ancestors came to in chains and lived like mules.

And plus, it's hot as sh*t, Reggie.

I can't wait to get home and go down on you.

I'll still be in Atlanta.

How can I get you to love Atlanta?

Burn it down like Sherman did.

Wait, what did Richard Sherman do now?

General William Tecumseh Sherman.

Civil w*r general. One of the good guys.

Oh, the Civil w*r. Baby, look, I've moved on.

You should have made Cam sign in New York or LA.

Somewhere the Underground Railroad actually went to instead of away from.

I love you.

Get home. [Groans]

Hello, everybody. My name is Cassie Calloway.

I know y'all remember me from this hood.

Hey. Hey, how you doing?

My son Cam Calloway would like for me to give you these things on the truck.

I was gonna have a yard sale, but you know what?

It's better to give than receive, right?

All right. So I want y'all to enjoy this stuff.

Help me down here. Thank you.

Watch your step.

We ain't gonna be but 15 minutes, okay?

Hey, y'all got anything good?

Ghetto "Storage Wars" ain't my thing, mijo.

You need to watch what you calling ghetto.

And who you calling mijo? I ain't no little boy, homie.

Got a mini trampoline for you.

Say thank you, mija.

Cassie: What is going on?

Jesus, you try to do something nice. It's ridiculous.

Man: Forget y'all!

Hey, did you wire that money to Aunt Mim?

She needs another surgery.

She needs to quit relying on lap bands and buy some mouth bands.

[laughs]

Hey, I decided, man. I'm going Ashton Martin.

I will look so good driving this when you're playing road games.

Especially when I throw them new rims on it.

Oh, no. You're Cam Calloway.

You don't need to prove how rich you are by making expensive sh*t seem more expensive.

Look, you don't put aftermarket stones in a Rolex and you don't rim up an Aston.

Rims are not a part of the plan.

I'm amending the plan to include rims for my Ashton.

It's Aston. It's not "Ashton."

Why you got to be like that?

This is my job, all right? This is my role.

You don't like me in this role, I got a wife.

A wife that's ready to start a family.

And right now, I could actually be on my wife, but instead, I'm on a private jet with you.

And do you know what? Because we followed the plan.

Why do I got to hide from wanting an Aston since I was a kid?

m*therf*cker, you didn't even know what a Big Wheel was.

Rims are like Big Wheels.

They're toys for children, not men.

What is the point of forgetting all that you wanted when you first wanted it now that you can finally afford it?

We're just recalibrating. We're not forgetting, okay?

We're progressing. We're evolving.

We're still gonna save money, man.

The investments, the stuff, man.

You set up this whole plan.

At least you said you set up the plan.

I just trusted you set this sh*t up.

Gargle my ball bag, assh*le.

Wow, yeah, very evolving.

Get your rims. And get your big iced-out Jesus piece.

Johnny Dang is waiting.

You know, I will.

Spend your money, Hammer.

Hey, I'm on it.

You ain't got to tell me.

Do it, boy. I'm gonna be on my wife.

You go ahead and be on your wife.

Absolutely.

When "30 For 30" calls, I will gladly grant them an interview.

Get the f*ck off my plane, then.

It's not your f*cking plane. It's Jimmy Flaherty's plane.

Yo! Yo! Shut the f*ck up!

Julius: Calm down!

You ain't the Fresh Prince and you ain't Carlton.

[laughing] Yes, he is.

Snacks?

Oh, I didn't know Jimmy Flaherty liked Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

Well, actually, he doesn't, but he knows that you do.

Oh, okay. This ain't no $15 bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos?

No, sir.

These are free?

Yes, sir. These are courtesy of Mr. Flaherty.

I don't want my nephew to get billed for no rip-off price later.

Not at all, sir.

Okay, well... two of 'em.

Can I get you anything?

How about a peek at your panties?

We'll be landing shortly.

Look, don't be trolling up here.

She works for Jimmy Flaherty.

We got an appearance to keep up.

Why don't you do your thing and let me do my thing?

Yeah, doing my thing is flying private now.

Don't mess that up.

[phone ringing]

This is Reggie.

This is Marcus Pierce from the neighborhood.

Long time.

Not that long, fucky.

How can I help you, fucky?

Hey, smug fucky, don't get abrupt.

Remember where you came from.

Don't tell me what to forget or remember.

Look, I got no access to Celtics tickets.

I don't want Celtics tickets. They unwatchable.

I got some sh*t that your cousin might like.

His old days stuff. Souvenirs.

Cool. I'll text you an address.

It'll be about 3K to ship.

How about I ship you my foot to put up your ass?

It's personal stuff. I got jerseys, memorabilia.

Cam's mom gave away a bunch of stuff that she shouldn't have.

Now it's mine. And for 3K it could be yours.

Believe me, Cam wants what I got.

HPV? No, thanks. If you're gonna shake me down, you got to shake a little harder than that, fucky.

And a truck will be delivered tomorrow.

Yes. Well, you did right by me.

All right, Coach.

Yeah, text me a photo.

Okay. All love to Mrs. Healey.

All right. Peace.

I just bought Coach Healey a truck.

You get a good price?

I don't care. Look, I called the dealer.

I said give me the best truck y'all got for a 50-year-old man and I put it on my credit card.

Mmm. That's top-notch negotiating, Cousin.

No more dad talk. No more dad talk.

Hey, I'm being a friend. I'm being a cousin. A manager.

Look, you got big new money now, Cam.

It's smart, it's fair to lock down new rules so the money lasts, man. You know, make a budget.

Monitor what we give away and what we invest.

I want to spend some.

You're spending plenty.

You got apartments. You got Astons.

You got new trucks for high school coaches.

You got fat f*ck surgeries for a fat f*ck aunt.

She's fat. Maybe she is just meant to be fat.

Don't judge, just accept.

I'm rimming up the Aston.

I know you are.

All right.

But I'm telling you, there are so many people ready to suckle at your teat.

So many fuckies just crawling out from everywhere.

People you know, people you forgot you knew, all ready to spend your money.

And we got to be careful. We got to be smart.

We help until we can't.

We're lucky.

No, we made our own luck.

Not always. It's like we fell from the Titanic and landed in a lifeboat and survived.

And yet, I mean, I feel... sh*t, what's the word?

Happy?

Hell, no. The opposite.

Man, I feel guilty that I'm surviving and there's people that I can still help that are back home drowning.

It is not your fault that the world is the way it is or that where we left ain't paradise.

Schindler had his list, man.

It was people he knew. It was people he didn't know.

"Schindler's List"? "Schindler's"... what, did you spend the day watching a bunch of depressing movies?

sh*t, let's watch "Amistad" next.

"Sounder." "Roots."

We can watch the whole box collection, man.

Let's multiply the laughs.

I identify with Schindler, all right?

Helping people.

f*ck "Schindler's List."

f*ck "Schindler's List"?

f*ck your version of "Schindler's List" because it does not apply.

Schindler was trying to save people from h*tler.

Some tweak in Dorchester does not deserve a spot on your generosity list just because he grew up two doors down.

I'm not so sure about that, Reg.

And the Titanic? Really?

The Titanic was a boat for rich white people. f*ck 'em.

f*ck 'em. They could all freeze the f*ck to death and drown. I could give a sh*t.

Now, if they had any good sense to invite a black man down to those docks in England, that black man would have told them what getting on a boat to America means.

Nothing good.

Giving a sh*t makes us unique.

But you give too much.

And then you just become a cautionary tale.

One that will not be told about you as long as I'm in your life.

We will not be the same sad story, dude.

You're the Titanic, baby.

Yes, you are the Titanic.

A massive talent with a bunch of self-serving icebergs just lying in wait, ready to crash into you and sink you.

Man, f*ck. We talking about the Titanic and "Schindler's List"?

We need some more comedies.

I don't know, f*cking "SpongeBob."

f*cking "Martin" reruns. Just...

[sighs] Yo, we good, man?

Huh?

Yeah.

Little man. Look.

Posted Cam's stuff up online.

We gonna sell it, pay our debts.

Got a lot of cool movies in here.

Calloway's bootleg everything.

Got "Lion King," "Home Alone," "Pulp Fiction."

All right, let's do a "Lion King," okay?

All right, we gonna watch "Lion King."

Watch the movie with Daddy?

We gonna get expelled for taking this camera.

This thing is ancient, bro.

Young Cam: Yo, I don't give a f*ck.

I am Cam Calloway. I'm gonna take over the world.

And the first thing I'm gonna do is teach these m*therf*cking Chinese how to cook Chinese food.

This stuff is shat.

I mean, sh*t. f*ck them Chinks.

Young Reggie: Yo, that sounds like a rap.

Give me a b*at. Give me a b*at. I got this.

[young Reggie b*at boxing]

[laughing] Reggie's been all over me, but I still think I should set up a charitable foundation.

Chuck, you could run that for me.

Sure, I'll run that sh*t.

In the ground.

Probably.

[laughing]

Bottom line, got to give back.

f*ck this give-back sh*t.

You want to give, then give. That's fine.

But what you got you earned.

You ain't got to give that back.

Uncle J is feeling that weed.

[laughing]

This is common sense buried deep.

Yeah, the weed just dug it up.

[laughing]

"Cam Calloway's treasure trove"?

Julius: Best Vegas buffet, Treasure Island.

Best Vegas p*ssy, Circus Circus.

Yeah, another piece of information I cannot use.

This is somebody claiming to have some of your old jerseys and trophies.

He's selling them online.

What?

This is my sh*t. Yo, how'd he get my sh*t?

Uncle Julius, you selling my sh*t?

No.

I'm on it.

Jack Edwards: So let this be a lesson to everyone.

Everything you say, everything you write, everything is in play when you become famous.

Atlanta owner Jimmy Flaherty, he can't be happy.

Yeah, this is earth-shattering that a 14-year-old has an active imagination?

Ryan: Tell it to little Kiomi Holloran about what he wanted to do down at the Hatch Shell.

Edwards: So everything you did at 14 was saintly?

Ryan: I was a good Catholic boy.

Be nice.

[laughs]

Yo, call Ma. She thinks you're mad.

I am mad. I want my sh*t back.

You are the one who told her to give it away instead of having a yard sale.

Her being in that neighborhood is your fault, you know.

Hey, real quick. I wondered if I could get some cash to take Flaherty's flight attendant out to dinner.

I thought she was straight.

No girl sends you that many smiley faces unless she wants you sitting on hers.

Reggie thinks we need a budget.

Like to monitor the in and out, you know?

Reg should monitor his own business.

His business is protecting and transitioning us towards new ground rules of accountability.

Shut up and give me some money.

We just want to make sure you and Uncle Julius and Mom are on a set salary.

Like, I want to be a brother to you, not an enabler.

Do you know what I'm saying?

I know there are sounds coming out of your mouth and I know the look on your face when you're saying it, but I don't know when you decided I was being enabled.

No, I'm just saying, like, we need to actually find a specific job.

I thought I was gonna be in charge of your bullshit made-up charity.

You asked me to move here after you asked me to move to Memphis.

And now that I've moved to Shitlanta for you, you want to keep a tally of what the f*ck I'm doing?

No, it's not a problem. I get it.

But from now on, I'm gonna bill you for prior services.

Like what?

Like teaching you how to walk.

How to talk. Eat. sh*t somewhere other than your pants.

Teaching you how to read and tell time.

You know, like a good sister does.

Calm down.

No, I'm gonna back-bill you for every ass I kicked defending your little p*ssy ass every day you went to school.

You don't even hear what I'm saying.

You are not remembering all there is to remember.

Like that night I saved you from Mr. Chambers going all Sandusky on you.

I'm talking about a budget.

I walked in in the nick of time and I tackled that f*ck good.

Then a cop gave us a coupon to go to Baskin-Robbins and you ordered... you ordered Berry Blast.

And I got vanilla with sprinkles.

You know what?

Cut a check. We'll be square.

f*ck.

Staying trim.

I quit eating cereal.

How much is this gonna take?

What do you think? Getting a lot of bids online.

I was talking to Joe.

Yeah, I can still hear you over here.

[phone rings]

I can't talk right now, Missy.

Three club chairs arrived. Why?

It's for my man cave.

Caves are where bears sleep, bats sh*t, and men r*pe women.

Not if they got nice club chairs.

I'm returning the chairs. Enjoy Boston.

Missy. Missy.

Yo, man cave, off the phone, man.

Where's the box of Cam's sh*t? I want it all.

Five grand, that's my final offer.

You don't start with final offer.

I just did.

Yo, you ain't getting that tape for less than 50.

What tape?

Joe: Fucky don't know about the tape?

I wanted to see his reaction up close.

Think he the sh*t 'cause his cousin Cam is a baller now.

Think he the baller. Think he king rat.

Play the sh*t.

[video game explosions]

[phone ringing]

Yo.

So you remember the video camera that we stole when we were in junior high school?

♪ f*ck them Chinks, f*ck them Chinks ♪
♪ f*ck them Chinks, yeah, their f*cking food stinks ♪
♪ f*ck them Chinks, f*ck them Chinks ♪
♪ Yo, I'm gonna say it again, their f*cking food stinks. ♪

That song was your idea.

Hey, I was high. And it don't matter.

Hoop stars can't call people Chinks.

It's r*cist.

We were kids.

Kids ain't allowed to be r*cist anymore either, Cam.

World's f*cked, but that's the way it is.

Dude, my owner's wife is a Chink.

No, she's not. She's Chinese, okay?

Look, there's no more Chinks.

There's no more saying the word Chinks.

No more saying the word Chinks.

It's just you getting on a plane with a bag of f*cking cash from the safe to pay these fuckies off.

Hey, man, let's just let the tape out.

We'll tell people we was just playing.

A billion Chinese won't see it that way, Cam.

This tape gets out, you know what you're gonna be to a billion Chinese?

A young black Donald Sterling.

f*ck!

If you don't want to be known as a young black

Chinese-hating Donald Sterling, get your ass to Boston.

I got a car picking you up, okay?

Flaherty is letting us use his jet.

I lied. I told him Aunt Mim was sick.

Aunt Mim is sick?

No. I mean, yes.

She's 400 pounds. She's in a constant state of sickness.

Reggie: Get to the airport.

♪ Cool just like I run this city ♪
♪ This all fried chicken is so damn shitty. ♪

Still going by Dealer Joe, huh? It's not very low profile.

I don't like the way you called this place g*ng-infested.

I come here out of respect.

No, you here 'cause you're scared we're gonna show the world the real you.

Not the fake you. Not the TV you.

No, I'm here because my mom has a generous side, so f*ck you for taking advantage.

Who took advantage of who?

Oh, here we go.

Yeah, here we go down memory lane.

Y'all brought me to that card game and I trusted you.

But I was there as the mark, not the friend.

I put up the cash that I was saving for years for Robert Parish's basketball camp and y'all rolled me good.

Gambling is gambling.

And friends ain't friends.

Not when your friend pulled a ton of cash out of his pocket and he ain't never heard of a stacked deck.

Marcus, if it makes you feel any better, we were rolling you because Tammy Laplante said she would strip for us if we paid her. We paid her.

And then her brother b*at the sh*t out of us.

Yo, before she even got her shirt off.

He rolled us for what we was rolling you for.

Yeah? I feel so much better now.

Yo, Tammy Laplante was fine.

Still fine. And all classy now.

You know she work at T.J. Maxx up in Quincy, right?

Yo, they got some good sh*t over there.

Marcus, I was an idiot much of my life.

I mean, you got evidence of that and more.

I'm sorry. You deserved better.

Hey, man, f*ck Robert Parish.

He should have let all of us go to his camp for free.

I mean, I could sh**t threes like Ray Allen.

I could have went to Gonzaga.

f*ck Gonzaga.

I need my money.

All right.

That's the 2K Marcus owes you plus 10.

That's five for you, Dirty.

Marcus... whoa, hey, hey.

I put your sh*t on the Internet 'cause I had a debt.

That debt paid. I don't need no more money from you.

Dirty, you give him a g*n?

No.

I didn't make a copy of your stupid-ass video 'cause that ain't me.

I ain't trying to ruin a man.

Look, man, just take the money, fool.

You call me fool again and I'm gonna sh**t you.

I'm not gonna k*ll you, but I'm gonna maim you.

I'm gonna sh**t you somewhere you gonna remember me.

Marcus, we do remember you.

Man, we messed up back then.

sh*t, man, we're sorry.

Truly.

If I send y'all some tickets, would you come down to Atlanta?

Floor seats?

Now would be a good time for y'all to go.

I'll text you some dates that work.

[music playing]

It wasn't cool what we did to Marcus.

We just made up for it.

This place didn't teach us a lot of good things very well, did it?

It taught us to stand still when a g*n gets drawn.

Wish it would have taught us to put some diapers on when it looked like a g*n was gonna get drawn.

I almost f*cking sh*t all over myself.

I would have sh*t myself, too, but the sh*t was too scared to come out.

[both laugh]

Thanks for inviting all those fools to Atlanta.

They're staying at your place. I'm serious.

I need a drink.

It's 2:00 A.M. Missed last call.

You'd think a city as constantly drunk as Boston would serve drinks after 2:00.

Oh, sh*t, you know where they serve after-hours alcohol in Boston?

Nowhere.

Not true.

They pour beer after hours in one part of town.

You just got to order tea. You got to ask for it cold.

Cold tea, I forgot about that.

Cold tea equals cold beer in Chinatown.

Let's go to Chinatown, cousin.

I love them Chinks.

No! No more Chinks.

I'm just playing.

No more playing.

No more joking about any ethnic group.

Okay.

♪ I don't want to worry about nothing for a while ♪
♪ I just want to play around like a child ♪
♪ With old tunes jamming on my Walkman ♪
♪ Sour Patch Kids and a Coke can, yeah ♪
♪ I don't want to worry about nothing for a while ♪
♪ I just want to play around, living like a child ♪
♪ With old tunes jamming on my Walkman ♪
♪ With some Sour Patch Kids and a Coke can ♪
♪ I don't want to think about anything at all ♪
♪ I just want to run around, doing what I want ♪
♪ With a pretty ass girl and a slow jam ♪
♪ And some Sour Patch Kids and a Coke can ♪
♪ Growing up, I had a lot of dreams ♪
♪ My momma told me, "Son, you could be anything ♪
♪ Long as you spread your wings ♪
♪ I know one day you'll be great ♪
♪ Just wait, soon you'll aim up at the sky ♪
♪ And I'll watch you float away" ♪
♪ But now that I am older, I'll admit that I am over ♪
♪ All the stress and sh*t that comes from holding life up on your shoulders ♪
♪ It's a chore, I'm sick of being bored ♪
♪ I'm sick of always stressing over sh*t I could ignore ♪
♪ I guess it's just my own immaturity ♪
♪ Burning through me internally ♪
♪ Take imagination and making it a reality ♪
♪ So pause, yo, f*ck it, I'll be right back ♪
♪ Pay a visit to the past ♪
♪ Tell them all to kiss my ass for a second. ♪