02x01 - Grown-Ass Man

[bunniefuu]

Ladies and gentlemen, Cam Calloway!

I just want to thank Mr. Jimmy Flaherty for bringing me to Atlanta!

There's four people that I and they were worthy of a big-time dream.

Those people that believed in me are my family.

[cheering]

You got big new money now, Cam.

It is not your fault that the world is the way it is or that where we left ain't paradise.

I'm just a basketball player.

Not anymore.

Right now, we new money.

Going with Da Chen Bao sets this family up so that one day we will have old money.

Bottom line, you got to give back.

Cam: How does it feel kicking the world's ass like that?

Oh, the world had it coming.

[laughing]

♪
♪ ... you think of it? ♪
♪ Been on this long road accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds, preoccupied with everything ♪

Home, sweet home.

Look at it. Calloway Castle.

♪ Been on this long road accumulating luggage ♪

Yes, yes, yes.

♪ As time proceeds, preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ It's 'bout time that I sing of nothing ♪
♪ Yo ♪
♪

♪ You better sing that sh*t, now ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
♪ This how you start the motherfuckin' show ♪
♪ My fourth joint in a row ♪
♪ The moon's in the motherfuckin' sky, all right ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Lord, my all, what would you think of it? ♪
♪ We been on this long road accumulatin' luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds, preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time that we sing of nothing ♪
♪ So ♪
♪

♪ Been on this long road accumulating luggage ♪
♪ As time proceeds, preoccupied with everything ♪
♪ I think it's about time that I sing of nothing ♪

[laughs] Them haters said I'd fail.

What haters? Plenty of folks believed in you.

Not just these fools.

Yeah, true.

You know, that just what it seems like I'd say if this were a movie or something.

'Cause right now it kind of feels like we live in a movie.

No, no, no, no. If this was a movie, right about now one of us would be getting sh*t.

[laughing] Right? You know I'm telling the truth, too.

[g*nshots]

What the hell?

[laughing] Oh, my God.

Julius sh*t a moose.

Hey, he was charging us.

It was not. He m*rder*d it.

It ain't m*rder if you eat it.

I ain't eating no damn moose meat.

That ain't no moose, Ma. That's a deer.

Even worse. I ain't eating Bambi.

Well, we can mount it and make a rug.

Where the hell you get a g*n, Uncle Julius?

Bass Pro Shop.

What on earth for?

They have low prices guaranteed.

Look, this is Buckhead. This ain't the forest.

Why you think they call it Buckhead?

'Cause you sh**ting bucks in the head.

I think you got this one in the abdomen.

You can't sh**t out here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm not catching Lame's disease.

It's Lyme's disease.

He's still breathing.

[screams]

[laughing] He keeps doing it.

Does this house have a grill?

Oh, my God.

Give me the g*n.

You ain't got no license.

Come on. Come on.

♪ Whoo ♪

I can't believe you sh*t Bambi.

Yeah, we in the dirty South. We got to do what dirty Southerns do.

Cam, just think. If I hadn't accidentally launched that lawn chair off your roof deck, your condo association would have never kicked us out and we would have never moved here to Calloway Castle.

You need to think on how lucky you are nobody was barbecuing 30 floors below and your home is here, not the Georgia damn State Pen.

You're right, Ma.

Family, take it in.

These are the good days that we dreamt about.

This is where we supposed to be together.

Yeah.

Together, but enough square footage to isolate.

And never have to share a shitter.

Thems that sh*t apart stick together.

Well, my sh*t smell like fresh bread and I know y'all gonna miss it.

[laughs] Well, you fools fight over bathrooms.

I'm going home to change.

Cam, Flaherty's Bowl-A-Thon starts at 5:00. Let's go.

Bowling? That's that sh*t I don't like.

I like any game where the black things knock down the white things and we get points for it.

r*cist, yet honest.

Why don't you go for me, Uncle J?

Cam, you're going, okay?

It's Flaherty's party for the luxury box owners.

Well, I'm a player, not a box owner, man. Get me out of it, Reg.

I will. 48 minutes after you show.

Bowling's fun for everyone.

Sorry, I tried.

It's a mandatory team event.

You don't go, you get fined. You know this.

Work your magic, Reg.

[chuckles] Abraca-f*cking-dabra.

I just kept 50K in your bank account.

Flaherty fines Cam 50K for not bowling with some douchebags? [Chuckles]

Luxury box-owning douchebags.

Those douchebags help pay these bills.

Look at Missy riffing on douchebags.

I'm not immune to osmosis.

Oh, come on, baby. Be grateful and go.

Ma, I ooze gratitude.

But the season's about to start.

I had a massive preseason. Why?

Rest and focus. Bowling is neither.

It hurts your back. The scoring is confusing as sh*t.

Just tell Flaherty I'm sick.

We don't lie anymore, remember?

That's in our mission statement.

See, baby steps. You know I'm proud of both of you.

Can't we put a few stock lies back on the table, make life a little easier?

Tell Flaherty you got AIDS.

What?

Yeah, he ain't risking AIDS.

Bowl-A-Thon, not f*ck-A-Thon, Uncle J.

How's Flaherty catching AIDS from Cam?

HIV is the thing you catch.

Maybe Flaherty got AIDS and he's trying to find a f*ck companion.

Yeah, he needs a partner.

Don't you be drinking no drinks with Jimmy Flaherty.

Every event that we attend, we build favor equity with Flaherty.

His reach is far beyond basketball.

We want to tap into that reach.

As the head of your public relations, the man is right.

Just go and relate to the public.

Give Flaherty his reach-around and then you can leave.

Cam, you mind if I get rid of this lawn decoration that the previous owners left behind?

Uh-uh, that might be worth some money.

Ooh! sh*t.

Even the more reason to smash it.

You can't be throwing sh*t around. Missy, you are gangster.

I wanna do it.

[laughing] Yo.

Reg, you know, the more that I'm around her, the more that I like her.

And not to be inappropriate, but I'll bet she wears you out. Mm-mm-mm.

Okay, the mm-mm-mm, that's pushing it.

Okay, I did too much on that.

You did. Here we go. Baby, we got to go.

Okay, y'all get that sh*t on in the house.

Come on, get somebody. Get moving.

Missy gotta clean this sh*t up.

♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪
♪ You're lookin' so fine ♪
♪ I'm feelin' all right ♪

Jeff Heisner. I own Heisner Paper.

Hi.

Look, I just spent way too much on a couple of luxury boxes, so you don't suck this year, huh?

[chuckles] That's the plan, not sucking.

Yeah, good, good.

♪ Girl, you shake my thing ♪
♪ Come on, you're my everything ♪

Hey, Reggie. Talk to me, pal.

Oh, Jimmy, your hugs break ribs.

[Grunts]

Imagine if we were f*cking.

Oh, not a day goes by.

[laughs] Thanks for being here.

I know this is kind of corny.

Nah, I mean, it's bowling, you know.

It's a lot of sh*t, but it's fun, yeah.

Well, this is how we start winning the heart.

It's our year, pal.

From your lips to God's ears, huh?

God has done you, Cam, and me pretty good.

What we do with the rest is up to us.

Hey, I want you to meet someone.

Mickey!

♪ High ♪
♪ You know it's all right ♪
♪ It's all right, all right, all right ♪
♪ It's all right ♪

Excuse me. Do you mind taking a picture with my kids?

Absolutely, man.

Can you lift this one up?

Not too fast. He's been throwing up.

All right.

Noah, put your arm on the man.

Buddy, if you get sick, just swallow it, yeah?

All right, one, two...

[laughs] Thank you, Malcolm.

My sister Barbara loves you.

Will you tell her to stop doing heroin?

Um, hey, Barbara.

Babs. And it's a message.

♪ As much fun as you can possibly have ♪
♪ With your pants on ♪

What's that shirt made out of?

Mm, what are you made out of?

[chuckles nervously]

I got a massage business.

♪ Work it and play it, baby, out here to lose ♪
♪ So show me on the dance floor ♪

Yeah, win, lose, it's all bread and circuses, right?

Doesn't matter in the big scheme.

You know what does matter?

Family.

Numbing the pain of existence.

Stay strong, Babs. You can do it.

I mean, do not do... don't do heroin.

I left my pain back in Boston.

Hell, you give Atlanta time, it'll disappoint you in ways you can't even imagine.

You're loved.

[chuckles] Bottoms up.

Your sister loves you.

Heroin has ruined your life.

Thanks, but I got practice.

I don't want to pass judgment.

Her teeth are really f*cked up.

[Scoffs]

Work on your free throws.

Hey, 48 minutes?

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

Look, I got through talking to the head of Coke.

Man, I'm just trying to expand your empire, okay?

Yo, stop chatting and start expanding this force field around me.

I'm like a donkey at a petting zoo, man.

Hey, hey, look around, okay? Look around, man.

Your presence is bringing people joy, Cam.

All right? This is part of the dream. Just breathe it in.

I'm breathing it in. It smells like drunk white people.

Man, bullshit. White people only smell when they're wet.

You're supposed to be here so that I can be here without actually being here.

And when you're not here, everybody else here is here right next to me asking me to do a bunch of things that a grown-ass man should not be asked to do.

All right.

Give me a ride to the potty.

Will you get this hobbit off me before I bowl her for a strike?

All right, listen, ma'am, Cam don't want to start the season with back problems.

Are you calling me fat?

I'm not calling you fat.

Are you a fat shamer?

You know how many season tickets my daddy buys?

Eat me.

Okay, now, now. There's no need...

I've been overserved. But seriously though, I loved your first press conference.

It was very articulate.

Look at Flaherty summoning me.

No, man, he's just having fun hosting. One second.

I'm out of here.

No, no, no, no. Cam, Cam, Cam.

I'm gonna put a carrot in each one of these daiquiris so I can boost my vision so I know what I'm walking into.

Hey, you bring us a gift bag?

Yeah, this gigantic gift house.

Yeah, you must have ate some shrimp.

You know that shrimp makes him grumpy.

Flaherty is texting me...

"Is everything okay with Cam?"

Oh, it is now 'cause I'm here and not there.

He f*cked me.

Flaherty roofied you for real?

What?

You don't remember?

Don't wash your underwear. The DNA is in there.

No, he only f*cked with my time.

I did my clown act for two hours.

I got two words for you.

Contractual obligation.

I got three words for you. Grown-ass man.

That's two words, baby. Grown-ass is hyphenated.

Bad form to blow off your owner.

Amen.

He called me over with two fingers like I was that lawn darkie that Missy smashed.

Jockey, not darkie.

He's not my owner.

Dogs have owners, okay? He owns a team.

And your contract which requires you to appear at 25 events per calendar year. This we agreed to.

Because I agreed to something doesn't mean that he can make me do other things at those things.

My contract does not say stay to the end.

I appeared and then I disappeared.

No, you snubbed him.

If you'd just disappeared, that would have been kind of cool.

Yeah, it would have been a dope Vine.

I really like that Houdini sh*t.

Old Cam was running away from the plantation.

It's Nat Turner time.

Ease up on the rum, Julius.

Hey, our ancestors was bartered for rum.

I thought you say you don't eat nothing our ancestors were bartered for.

Drinking ain't eating.

Cam: Flaherty's a man same as me.

If he expects me to do all this extra stuff, then he best learn to start treating me like a grown-ass man.

Uncle J, you unpack that Xbox?

Who loves you the most? Follow he.

Texting Flaherty you got the runs.

Wouldn't that lie sh*t in the face of your new mission statement?

Actually, text Flaherty that he disrespected me.

Let's get out of the past, okay? Get some rest.

You got a ball signing after practice tomorrow.

Course I do.

Ball signing?

What's Friday, shaft stroking?

Nelson Mandela Night.

Man, f*ck Nelson Mandela.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Yo! What's wrong with you?

Man, you done lost your rabid-ass mind.

No, I said it. I'm owning it.

My job is playing hoop.

And if Flaherty wants me focused on that job, remind him the season starts next week.

Let's roll, Unc.

Let's build that beach house on Minecraft.

Charles, your new salon is on fleet.

It's fleek, Ma, with a K.

Well, that's not how I say it.

Anybody want a hit of this peach schnapps?

I just had a Valium. I'm good.

Missy?

Better to be buzzed before that creamy cr*ck hits your scalp.

I'll suffer through it like I've done my whole life.

One of these days I'll get the courage to just chop it all off and start fresh.

It sounds courageous, looks stupid.

Plenty of sisters are transitioning.

Yeah, they go from looking like a woman to looking like a man.

I mean, it's the 21st century. f*ck the Afro.

Every bitch cuts her hair, thinks she's gonna look like Lupita.

Most of them end up looking like Laurence Fishburne with tits.

Chenika transitioned. She doesn't look like Laurence Fishburne.

The exception, not the rule.

Aw, thanks, boo.

Thank you.

You know what seems stupid... no offense... is sitting in a salon year after year forcing our hair into something that goes against who we are.

You saying I don't make a good blonde?

I'm saying that I wouldn't mind looking like Chenika here.

An amazing, proud, natural woman.

Look at that hair. It's stunning.

Oh, stop. No, keep going.

[All laugh]

Chenika, how long you been rocking Mother Nature's bush up there?

Buzzed it last Christmas and never looked back.

How long before you looked in the mirror?

A week.

And how many nights have you cried yourself to sleep?

42.

Cassie: Mm-hmm.

sh*t, that's Jackie Robinson's number.

Missy, Jackie is speaking to you.

He is telling you to be a barrier breaker.

To throw out that creamy cr*ck and start fresh.

Cry yourself to sleep for 42 nights.

You got wig money.

Mm, I'm burning.

Charles, wash me out!

[Laughing]

Cassie: It ain't funny.

Charles, hurry up!

Welcome aboard, Todd.

Appreciate the job, sir.

Ah, please, call me Reggie.

I prefer sir.

Role as house manager is service and respect.

Yeah, but "sir," it just sounds kind of sarcastic.

Unintentionally. The use of the address sir reminds me that I'm not in your family nor a friend.

I'm in your employ and the employ of your cousin.

My job, alleviate your pressures and ensure the property runs smoothly.

My ideal profile, low.

Quietly in the background where I belong.

[chuckles]

All right, all right.

Well, listen, you know, my cousin, he just, he needs assurances that the security system works, the cars are taken care of, the lawn don't grow, and that the housekeeper keeps the house.

So on and so forth so he can just focus on playing basketball.

I'm at your service, sir.

All right.

Coke is courting us.

Let this be the only Coke comes in the house.

Nothing?

Okay.

[snoring]

Unc, wake up, man. It's time to go.

What?

Uh, Mr. Calloway. [Chuckles]

We have another table of balls.

Just 25 more, we'll release you.

Release me? You the prison warden?

We give these to charities.

Can you just sign a few more, please? I'm so sorry.

I'll sign one more.

I've got a big day. Lots of things to do.

Lots of game-related stuff to do that if I don't do well won't make anyone want a ball signed by me.

You got a lid for this?

[whimpering]

[door opens]

[crying]

Baby, what happened?

Who did this to you? Did you call the police?

No one did it to me.

I went to the salon and I had it all cut off.

What?

Why?

I'm sick of forcing myself to accept another ethnicity's ideal.

Did M-Chuck make you do this?

I just wanted to start fresh.

Be the me I'm supposed to be.

[sobbing]

How bad does it look?

Well, you're crying, so you know the answer.

It'll grow back, right?

[softly] Yes. Yes, baby.

[sighs]

Wow.

I can see your scalp.

[Crying]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I said that. I'm sorry.

[revs, cuts engine]

Yo, this is my parking spot.

Appears to now be a handicapped spot.

Yesterday it was not.

It is autumn. Change is everywhere.

There's handicapped spots right there.

Yes, filled with a car.

Every day the world makes more cripples.

Garages must keep pace.

But how does my spot turn handi spot?

They take blue paint and paint it.

Okay, I got practice.

I'm gonna park here in what was just my spot yesterday.

Yes, sir, no problem, but do you have a handicapped placard?

Uh, no, not yet. But I will.

And whoever made this a handicapped spot, they will, too.

Ah, then this new spot is probably in anticipation of that very moment.

[sighs] You know what, let's reboot. I'm Cam.

Yes, each day you walk by without removing your headphones. I'm Abeo.

Cool accent, Abeo. Where you from?

Nigeria.

Where one follows the rules or life gets very sad.

Well, here in America, when random rules are changed without warning, we ignore them with a thing called a protest.

Parking here is my protest. Excuse me.

I admire your activism.

In Nigeria, I would now be ordered to sh**t you.

But we're in America, so have a nice day.

[phone beeps] Call Reggie.

[tires squeal]

[cuts engine]

[knocks]

[doorbell rings]

[knocks]

Flaherty changed my parking spot.

Okay, surprise visit. How was practice?

Shitty! You got to get in Flaherty's face.

Okay, some things are house calls, some things are phone calls.

I called you before I went into practice. You never called me back.

No, I texted you.

Yeah, you say, "Hit me back."

I'm hitting you back in person. I need some water.

Okay, look, how you doing today, man? You good?

Look, Flaherty knows that this is gonna f*cking piss me off.

And, you know, he's wanting me to do something stupid like skip practice just so he can f*cking fine me.

Okay, dude, come on now. You dreamed to be a star.

You're the star with all the sh*t thereto appertaining.

Focus on that. Don't sweat Flaherty doing Flaherty sh*t.

That's what they do. That's owners.

Reg! Reg!

What?

You know me. He doesn't know me.

He does not know how hard that I work.

Okay, we're on the move again.

And you know what? Now I'm worked up.

Now you're the guy who once we signed this big contract, you compared us to survivors of a shipwreck obligated to help everybody we know to pay back the universe for all of our hard-earned blessings.

You remember that? Now I'm trying to reconcile that guy with this guy.

That is not this.

That is this.

And this is that. And you got to choose your battles.

Only a moron marches into w*r over a parking spot.

Oh, you calling me a moron?

No, I'm saying you're making nothing into something.

Reg, I'm here at this point in my life because I made nothing into something.

Oh, Cam, come the f*ck on.

I'm here because I threaded the needle.

I am 6'2", 175 pounds, playing pro ball.

That doesn't happen without hard work and the force of my will.

I got to work harder than others.

Okay, look, just... just sleep on it. Let me get into it.

No, man, I don't want to f*cking sleep on it!

I'd rather just sleep.

Get some good night rest like I've been trying to do to get up to work out, to work hard, do sh*t that m*therf*ckers like me don't do.

f*cking yoga and Pilates.

So I can lift weights, watch film, work on my free throws.

sh*t that's gonna make me better for the season.

Flaherty knows all of that.

Flaherty thinks every hour is his hour.

It's not. I've got to fill my hours with real work.

Hard work is the only thing that keeping me from f*cking this whole thing up and going back to being a nobody.

Cam, you make too much money now to ever be a nobody again.

No, money doesn't make you somebody.

Being somebody makes you somebody.

Set his ass straight.

Okay. That's it?

Great to see you. Safe home.

♪

Players say there's a dead spot right here.

Will you look into that for me, please?

And do something about this.

We're selling basketball, not Brawny paper towels.

You changed his parking spot?

Oh, I got your cousin's attention.

Couldn't get it the other night.

Couldn't get it yesterday when he signed this "indentured servant."

Okay, Jimmy, Cam's focus is winning on the court.

Okay? Taking your team to that next level.

That's his main obligation.

Your cousin has other obligations.

Obligations outlined in the contract you negotiated.

The truth? They were left a little vague.

He's embarrassing himself.

But worse, he's embarrassing me.

Does he even know what an indentured servant is?

Oh, he crushed his verbal SAT.

Well, then let's conjure up the spirits of some indentured servants who worked for squat for seven to 10 years to repay the cost of a disease-ridden transatlantic boat ride.

The Irish brethren of my forebearers.

Oh, you don't want to compare disease-ridden transatlantic boat rides with me.

Only seven to 10 before freedom? [Chuckles]

Sounds like your Irish bros got off better than my African ones.

Mine got... oh, right, zero till lynched.

Not all of them got lynched. Plenty got sh*t for no reason.

Diane.

Reggie, this is Diane, my new assistant.

Diane, Reggie's cousin is the indentured servant who parked his Aston Martin in your handicapped spot.

I apologize for my cousin.

Common occurrence.

Diane, get on Amazon Prime and order me a Ouija board.

Reggie and I are gonna conjure up the ghosts of some indentured servants.

Right away.

Get one of those drones to fly it down here today.

Listen, any conjuring of ghosts will only serve to freak me the f*ck out. I don't like ghosts.

Yet your cousin seems to be impersonating one every time he's got an off-court obligation.

I'm now showing you both a sh*t ton of respect because I retain the hope that all those smiley, happy things we said to each other when Cam signed here are still possible.

He brought me his problem.

I'm bringing it to you. Let's fix it.

I'm fixing it by telling you to get your cousin set straight.

Stop making your problems my problems.

You guys are showing me right now you're not the kind of men I thought you were.

I thought you were givers. Seems to me you're just takers.

You should have called me before you changed his parking spot.

You shouldn't tell me how to run my business when I'm paying Cam a f*ck ton.

That's right, I used sh*t ton and f*ck ton within 30 seconds of each other.

I'm like that. Unpredictable when provoked.

Maybe you should go into law enforcement.

Friday is Nelson Mandela Night.

I expect Cam to be there representing the team and paying respects to Nelson Mandela.

I can't make any promises.

Hey, Reggie, Cam doesn't want to get in a pissing contest with me.

I'm the most hydrated man you know.

♪

You know, no offense, but that look like a bag of Skittles on your head.

Not helping. Dude, come on.

You can't blow off Mandela Night.

I'm not blowing it off. I'm choosing to honor Mr. Mandela in a way of my own at a time of my choosing.

Yeah, it's like when Prince decided not to sing on "We Are the World."

He's gonna stomp out hunger in his high-heeled boots, not pimping next to Bob Seger.

Bruce Springsteen.

Same difference, Ma.

Folks, transportation has arrived.

I like having butlers.

I don't. You know, white people steal, too.

Cam, you don't want to get in a pissing contest with Jimmy Flaherty.

How's he supposed to know how to respect me if I don't show him how it's done?

You get copies of your bank statements, right?

It ain't always about the money.

It's always about the money.

No, you got to show people that you can't be messed with so that they won't mess with you.

Y'all can go ahead, man. I'm good.

This is a bad idea.

[singing in foreign language]

Missy, looking great.

Yeah, she done went and got all Winnied up.

Pre-m*rder and fraud charges.

Looking dapper, Jimmy.

No, I'm not.

I, like most men, should not veer off fashion's main boulevard.

But thank you for saying so. Where's Cam?

He stayed home.

Not feeling right.

Sorry to hear that.

Well, thank you all for being here.

I must mingle.

Cheers.

He is pissed. Call Cam.

What, make him happy that Flaherty's mad?

Mm-mm, no. I'm gonna have a drink, dance with my beautiful wife, and be glad that the contract Cam signed is guaranteed.

I got to sh*t.

Why do you have to announce that?

It's like he wants people to go with him.

Just go do it, Uncle Julius.

Just go.

[video game crowd cheering]

Game Announcer: And this over celebration is embarrassing.

Put the ball in the goal and act like it's...

Sir, a Mr. Flaherty to see you.

Flaherty: I told you, he knows who I am.

Blowing off Mandela Night is dumb.

Mandela preached passive resistance. I'm following his lead.

Nelson Mandela was unjustly imprisoned for 27 years.

What point you making?

That you're an ungrateful prick upset about stupid sh*t?

My time is stupid sh*t?

I'm trying to build your franchise and bring you a title.

[whistle blows]

Here's one of the ways that works.

We make people think that the sport you're playing is worth them parting with a portion of their paycheck.

We do it through advertising and promotion and charitable activities.

But one of the most effective ways we do that is we show up, we shake hands, and we say thank you.

What I care about is the season. Success on the floor.

Okay, I'm not an indentured servant, but I'm also not an errand boy or a mascot in parking lot G.

I'm a grown-ass man.

Is that in dispute?

You going bald on a nut sack or something?

At the Bowl-A-Thon you called me over with two fingers.

You might as well whistled like I'm a dog. And I'm not having it.

Cam, look at me. I'm wearing a dashiki.

Why? Because it's Nelson Mandela Night.

I look ridiculous. There's a f*cking hat that goes with it, too, but I left that in the car.

But the Mandela organization asked me to wear it, and so here I am wearing it.

Sometimes grown-ass men got to do things they don't want to do.

You called me over like this.

Where I come from that's how you get a person to come near you.

You wave them over with the part of your body made for waving.

You're treating me like a boy.

Are you sh1tting me?

Where does this idea come from that one man calling another man across the room miniaturizes one of those people into a boy?

This means I've got some good sh*t for you to hear.

This is where the good sh*t starts.

No, not from where I'm standing.

I wanted to introduce you to a season ticket holder who b*at cancer by sticking to your workout regimen that he read about in "Sports Illustrated."

For f*ck's sake. The music was blaring.

Bowling pins are getting knocked down left and right.

That room was a sh*t show of sound with a bunch of drunks.

But there were a lot of people there I wanted you to meet.

People who can expand your business off the court.

I know what you aspire to.

I believe in you.

I believe in your talent. I'm paying you like I do.

But if you're gonna treat me like I'm just some assh*le owner out to inconvenience you, I'll find you another team.

You need some more security at these events.

Those people were all over me.

One night a year, the folks who buy the tickets that pay your salary have a right to be all over you.

See, do you see what you're doing right there?

You're trying to teach me. You're trying to school me.

Talk to me, not at me.

I'm a grown-ass man.

[sighs]

I will consider your personal time.

But if we're gonna make this a worthy experience, titles or not, you got to do two things.

One, drastically limit what annoys you.

And two, stop saying things like "I'm a grown-ass man."

All it does is tell people you're not.

Tonight the team is honoring a great man and raising awareness for causes that help people in Africa.

Apparently there's still some problems over there.

I would like my star player in attendance.

If you choose to stay home, so be it.

[choir singing]

♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ To live ♪
♪ White lace and promises... ♪

Mandela liked the Carpenters?

Hell, everybody like the carpenters.

Who you think built your house?

Kids sound great.

Sorry about the song choice.

The chorus choice.

And the Mandela painting.

I've been trying not to micromanage.

Now you see why I have to.

You can leave any time.

After the chorus.

♪ We've only just... ♪

[sighs]

♪ We've only just begun ♪
♪ Ooh, to live ♪
♪ White lace and promises ♪
♪ A kiss for luck then we're on our way ♪
♪ Before the risin' sun ♪
♪ Ooh, we fly ♪
♪ There's so many roads to choose ♪
♪ We'll start out walkin' and learn to run ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, we've just begun, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, we've just begun, baby ♪
♪ Oh, they said that we ♪
♪ That we'd stay together ♪
♪ We can take this thing all through kinds of weather ♪
♪ Oh, we gonna make it, baby ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪