02x02 - Shovels Ready

Episode transcripts for the 2014 TV show "Utopia" (AKA "Dreamland"). Aired October 2014 - 2019.*
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"Utopia" (AKA "Dreamland") follows the working lives of a team in a newly created government organisation responsible for overseeing major infrastructure projects, from announcement to unveiling. Set inside the offices of the "Nation Building Authority" it explores the collision between bureaucracy and grand ambitions.
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02x02 - Shovels Ready

Post by bunniefuu »

A transformation future...

$8.5 billion for roads, rail and ports...

New infrastructure of the 21st century.

.. will benefit future generations...

There is no future plan for Australia under this government.

.. infrastructure projects right around the country...

We want to spend the money.

.. nation-building projects...

I want to be known as the infrastructure Prime Minister.

This is a nation-building... nation-building... nation-building... nation-building...

Tunnel. You?

Brisbane.

What?

I fly up this afternoon.

I thought HR was onto that!

Apparently they are.

I'll give 'em another prod.

The Spanish tunnel team will be calling in half an hour.

Must be nearly midnight there.

They wanted to do it before dinner.

Dinner!

Oh, and did Rhonda get on to you?

No.

She wants to have a quick catch-up.

I don't have the time.

She'll be here at 2:00.

I'm still not getting any air in here.

Should I talk to the building manager again?

Yeah.

OK, I'll give him a prod.

Can I bring you some breakfast?

Thanks.

Will you be having it up there?

No, I'll come down.

Sorry, still waiting for a taxi.

But it's good news, because your flight's been delayed.

Oh, and with the hotel, are you a member of the Star Guest Club?

No.

Would you like to join?

I'd like a taxi.

In Brisbane, it won't be the same driver meeting you at the airport.

You'll have to do a new booking reference.

Hello!

OK.

Next available.

Would you like to join?

Actually, can you just confirm that clause is now part of the Works Agreement?

(Man on phone speaks in rapid Spanish)

Si, no hay problema. Si.

Problema? Is there a problema?

No, no problem. Si, this is fine.

'Si'. I heard 'si'. That's good.

Yeah? OK.

Well, how about we move on to accommodation arrangements?

(Speaks in rapid Spanish)

Um, we might have to leave that until tomorrow.

Why's that?

Rhonda's here.

I've been down there for 20 minutes!

I'll give them a call.

Oh, I couldn't get you an aisle seat, but you can ask at the Club.

You Gold or Silver?

I'd have to check.

Nat, just got a message from HR. They found someone.

To do Brisbane?

No, to do the recruitment.

Reference B227.

Good news.

Yeah.

Nat, they said the taxi driver already picked you up?

Rhonda, I'm really pushed for time right now.

Yeah, I know. Just need a quick heads-up.

The tunnel -- where are we at?

Well, weeks away.

So, it's a good news story.

Better once we actually start.

Alright, let's talk about the launch.

I thought we had a launch.

No.

Up at...

That was the announcement.

What about the Treasurer, the big cheques...

Funding approval.

Then we had those pens lined up...

Contract signing.

We've had enough media events.

Tony, this is a $10 billion project.

11.1.

All the more reason to celebrate this landmark piece of nation-building.

We're linking... We're linking...

The western suburbs of Melbourne.

.. one part of the city, yes... with all of the others.

Can we get Rhonda a map?

Why would we let that happen without a proper launch?

Pick a reason -- cost, hassle, six protest groups just waiting to chain themselves to something?

Oh, please, the police can deal with that.

It's so contentious. Sleeping... You know what, I don't want a launch.

How else do we let people know we've started a project?

By starting it. Sorry, I'm playing my Joker.

Well, I'm trumping your Joker.

You can't Tr*mp a Joker.

Just did. Royal flush. Lay-down misere.

What?

Snap. Game over.

Rhonda?

Who won?

I don't even know what game we're playing.

Yeah. No...

They know there's a curfew on the trucks so they can't move the dirt before 7:00 in the morning.

They're gonna have to take that into...

Actually, can I give you a call back in five minutes? Sorry about that.

Is everything OK?

You're not getting air through here.

I knew it!

Take a look at that.

2.5.

Is that not good?

2.5.

It's 2.5!

Mate, can you take that?

Sure.

(Sighs) Time to do some investigative work.

Alright, pass me the torch.

Sure.

Is there a problem?

I've just turned into his apprentice.

Screwdriver!

There you go.

Hey.

Hey.

Did you come straight from the airport?

Not sure I'd describe that trip as straight. Is that her?

Yes.

Name?

Hugh.

Her name.

Oh, Beverley. She's from HR.

I got that.

How can I help?

It's our Brisbane office.

We've expanded over the last six months, and I've tried to oversee things from here, but it's way more than I can achieve from a fly-in, fly-out basis.

So I really wanna put a manager in place.

Bris... bane.

Right. You said that you've expanded and you're trying to manage...

What's the date today?

It's the 12th.

Already!

So, what I'd really like to...

The NBA officers... Natalie and...?

Hugh.

Of course.

Si, yeah, if you're fine with that, everyone can stay at the same hotel.

(Man speaks in Spanish)

Just wanna clear up something from yesterday.

The minute construction starts, oversight and responsibility shifts to the commercial entity, away from us?

(Speaks in Spanish)

(Continues speaking in Spanish)

Er... yes, si, this is understood.

Good. What else?

Rhonda.

Sorry? What is Rhonda?

Oh, Rhonda's a lady. She's head of...

Sorry, what about her?

She's here again.

What in broad, general terms do you think you need?

Well, it's quite specific -- we need an office manager.

Office... manager.

Mm-hmm, and that would be... in Brisbane.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Now, what skill set are we talking?

Uh, the ones that I just said?

Let me hear them again.

For the wording, to advertise the position.

Well, actually, this might save us all some time. Hugh had a thought.

Yep.

Say it out loud.

Do you know Pauline from our project delivery team?

Er, she's in this office.

She's across the road.

Of course.

She's originally from Brisbane.

She's a good operator, and according to Hugh...

We play mixed netball.

Oh!

She's goal att*ck.

.. she's keen to move home.

So, we were thinking...

Well, we can certainly put her in the mix.

This is still for the Brisbane office?

Yep.

Good. Mm.

I think I've got enough to go on with.

Erm, how about we agree to meet again...

Again?

How's next Monday?

I'm in Brisbane.

Oh, lucky you!

Er, can't do Tuesday, Wednesday is tricky...

How about Thursday?

Rhonda, I said I don't want a launch.

I'm sorry, but I have to go over your head.

I'm gonna speak to Jim.

Then I'll speak to the Minister.

I'll speak to the Prime Minister.

Then I'll speak to his Chief of Staff.

Tony, this fits in so well with the government's narrative.

What does that mean?

Jobs, moving forward... getting things done, less talk, more action.

By adding speeches?

Here's our hero -- the giant drill.

It's a tunnel-boring machine.

Where is it?

On its way from Spain.

Muchas gracias!

We could have an arrival ceremony.

No!

We welcome the machine at the docks.

It's in big bits!

We welcome the biggest bit!

Rhonda, no!

Tony, what is it you think I do?

Good question.

I message.

What is it you think I do?

Oh, good question!

I build.

Tony, I'm not asking you for anything.

That doesn't mean you can't ruin my life.

You can stay out of it.

I will let everyone know you are not to be bothered, hm?

Fine.

Fine.

Tony's not to be bothered.

Who won this time?

Feels like she did.

Nat? The taxi will be here in ten minutes.

They asked you to be out the front this time.

I was!

Ooh, and we've managed to get you upgraded to a Junior Suite with complimentary breakfast and late check-out.

I'm leaving at 6:45 in the morning.

Hey, I spoke to Pauline last night at netball.

And?

We lost.

About the job?

Oh, she's keen.

And before settling here, she set up the Adelaide office.

She's perfect.

Um, Beverley rang.

She wanted you to provide a paragraph on the skill set required.

We just had a meeting about this. She was there, taking notes!

I guess she's just being thorough.

She also wants start date, salary band, your details...

What was her pen for?

I saw her write 'Brisbane'...

Why are we advertising? We've got the perfect person.

Should I get her back in?

No!... I'll do it on the plane.

Nat? I've got the taxi. He says he can't find you.

Because I'm not there. What happened to 10 minutes?!

It's OK. He's got someone else.

Construction of the tunnel could start by the end of the year...

Now that the government's given the green light to a $2.4 billion...

We've always been after innovation.

.. consortium of Spanish, Italian and local companies...

It should be a very exciting time.

(Drill whirrs)

Uh, I need to use my office.

But there's a problem.

Yeah, it's covered in plastic.

George said it's been dropping below 2.

Well, this is not gonna help!

I wonder if that's why you've been irritable in the afternoon.

No, that's Rhonda. I'll be in the boardroom.

'Self-motivated, results-focused, team-driven...'

Sorry I'm late.

No, no, no!

Did you get my email?

Yes.

Hugh and I were just trying to understand your issue.

Well, Beverley... Hugh... it's the wording.

'You'll be self-motivated, results-focused and team-driven, with the ability to work collaboratively across disciplines in a client services environment.'

Yes... So...

It doesn't actually say 'office manager'.

I think that's implied.

If we're advertising for an office manager, don't we need to say that?

You risk narrowing your field, attracting the wrong sort of person.

Someone not self-motivated.

Exactly.

But on the plus side, I'd have an office manager.

At the end of the day, Natalie, it's about finding the right fit.

I think it is.

Mmm. This is useful.

In your own words -- take your time -- what is it essentially that you are seeking?

Someone to do the work I'm currently doing in another state.

Yes, in terms of ability? The ability to...

Start Monday.

Keep going.

That's it.

I think we're being a bit narrow.

Feels narrow.

Nat?

Your taxi's here.

I haven't ordered one.

Oh. Get him to wait?

Did you get any air then?

Yes, I did!

He did!

(General chatter)

What's going on?

Launch meeting.

You're kidding. How many of you are coming in?

There's a lot to get on with.

Ignore us.

Down this end, please.

What's all this?

We're not in your way. We're leaving you alone.

You've dragged in half my office!

Well, credit to everyone.

We're making excellent progress already.

What does that mean?

We have a name for the tunnel-boring machine.

Why would a machine need a name?

For its Facebook page.

Why would it need a Facebook page?!

Each day, we're posting a fun fact.

Building a sense of anticipation between now and the launch.

Meet... Armadrillo.

What?!

'Cause of the Spanish connection.

You know where armadillos come from?

The ground?

South America.

That's alright. That's alright. We can go back to The Borrito.

Mexican!

What about then?

Felt it!

Tony, Nat, you need to wear these.

I go outside for 20 minutes...

We're now officially a site under construction.

And no open-toed shoes, sandals or thongs.

This was gonna take two days.

That was before they discovered the mould.

I've put your stuff in the kitchen!

Thank you.

Scott wanted you to see this.

What is it?

To do with the tunnel.

Oh, is this the revised heads of agreement?

Um, not sure.

'The amount of soil excavated from each tunnel would fill the MCG four times over.'

I think it's a fun fact. I like this one.

'The soil removed would fill over 1,000 Olympic swimming pools.'

Where is he now?

Um...

Where's everyone? Is anyone here?

I am!

Me too.

No, not the air-con g... Where's everyone?

Um, I'm not supposed to tell you. She's staying out of your way, Tony!

Ah, you can stay away, Tony!

My whole office is in here!

Hello, Karnsten.

Ah, Karsten.

Yes, where was I?

Er, running order. 11am.

Ah, yes, of course.

11 -- we have our representative from the Wurundjeri people.

Why have we got representatives...

Welcome to Country.

We're digging a big hole in their country!

It's out of respect.

Do it at the finish!

Exit from Country!

Shh. Sorry, Karsten. Go on.

OK, now, we'll need to allow at least two minutes for the musicians to set up the stage.

Stage?! Why...

Then on come the Spanish dancers.

Oh, fun fact!

Mm.

Flamenco began in the Andalucian region of southern Spain.

Ooh, that is fun. Thank you, Scott!

OK, I've heard enough.

Wait, wait, Tony! Hang on! Karsten needs to run an idea past you.

Ah, yes, of course. Thank you, Rhonda.

I was thinking, on the day, we need to involve Churro.

Who's Churro?

The tunnel-boring machine.

Spanish for 'doughnut'.

Any chance our senior dignitaries could go for a ride on it?

Karsten, the machine moves at 5cm an hour!

Mm. Can we speed it up?

No.

Could they start it up? Get the PM to turn a key?

There's no key!

Well, pull a lever.

Or lever! Smash a bottle of champagne over the controls.

The electronics?

We just need a bit of a climax.

Cut a ribbon!

You're not being very helpful.

I'm the only one here who's trying to build a tunnel, is what I am!

Oh, OK! Karsten, darling, can you give us a couple of minutes?

In fact, everybody -- why doesn't everyone take a break?

Mm-hmm.

Sure. OK.
You don't seem to have any idea the level of interest there is from Spring Street, Canberra.

This -- all this -- speaks straight to the narrative.

But what's Baz Lurhmann and his churro dancers got to do with it?

Whoa, Karsten's simply doing a job, and frankly, I don't want him hearing this kind of negativity.

Well, he's done his job, so he can take him and his stupid glasses, his weird tea and his... his vegan mood boards and get the hell out of here before he wastes any more time!

Am I understood?

What?

One of the roof tiles fell in.

So until George works out what's going on, you'll have to wear one of these.

You can take it off in the bathroom.

Can you get to the desk?

And the archbishop will be here at 2:00, OK?

You don't find that sentence strange?

No, you often meet people at 2:00.

Why is the archbishop coming to see me?

To discuss the blessing at the launch.

So, I've moved the Assistant Police Commissioner to 3:00.

Is that strange too?

Sort of.

It's about protestors and establishing an exclusion zone.

Can it exclude Rhonda?

I don't think so.

Stupid, idiotic, nutcase, NUTCASE launch!

I can hear you, Tony.

Can you hear me, Scotty?

Yep.

Who else can hear me?

I can.

And me!

Me too.

I gotcha!

Ah, Mr Hernandez, hola.

Hola.

Hola.

Hola.

Hola.

This is Scotty, my assistant.

Katie, who you've spoken to on the phone.

Hola.

Sorry, you are?

Terry. I'm working with George on your ducts.

Yeah, not Spanish. You go through. George's through there.

Yeah, sorry, different meeting. Yeah, all the best.

Anyway, welcome.

This is where all the planning has been going on for months and months.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Sorry, we can't actually go into the office, because we've had this issue with the air-conditioning ducts.

And this is not our national costume.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Finished?

Yes.

Said the costume...?

Yes.

Uh... oh, actually, we can't go through to see the site plans because of the thing.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Or the work schedules that we...

Oh, you don't need to translate that. I'm just thinking out loud.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Shall I tell them about Churro?

Yeah, not just yet.

Some fun facts?

No, no.

Let's go to lunch.

(Speaks in Spanish)

Ah, let's do that. Actually, hats off. Great. Wonderful.

Buen.

Buen.

Si, buen.

Sorry about that.

Oh, no worries. We've been having a great chat.

How was Brisbane?

Busy.

Ah, I bet.

How are you guys doing?

Good. I spent the morning with Beverley.

We're down to 12 applicants.

Right... Great.

Um... uh-huh.

Beverley, ah, where's Pauline?

Who's Pauline?

The one that I think is perfect for this position. She's not here.

The one you felt lacked goal attainment drive?

Ah, yes, Pauline. We weren't convinced with her skill set.

The ex-office manager?

She made the final 20.

It's the only skill set we're after.

You're being narrow again.

I question her competency potential.

What does that mean?

Her critical thinking skills.

I want Pauline back in.

Well, it goes against my better judgement, but I guess we could make her a wildcard.

I'm worried.

Lucky 13.

Swap it? Swap 'em around.

I would have him way back here.

OK.

What the f*ck?

Stay away, Tony. We won't bother you with it.

What's with all the shovels?

Karsten's climax.

Because your tunnel-borer is too slow, we are going old-school.

It's gonna look amazing.

Why are there 12?

Oh, yeah, we're still waiting on another three.

State Minister for Roads, Federal Transport, Deputy...

They're all speaking?

And shovelling.

We're just sorting out the order.

Why's there three mayors?

One's from Moreland... where the tunnel starts.

From Wyndham... where it comes up.

And this one's Darebin.

The tunnel goes under Darebin.

Yeah, but there's an exhaust pipe in the middle.

It's a bit of a payoff.

Tony, it's 2:00.

Oh, Your Eminence.

Tony? I know you don't wanna hear anything about the you-know-what.

What?

The launch.

Ella Hooper's leaving and Rhonda thought you should say hello.

Why's Ella Hooper here?

She's singing the anthems.

Anthems? Plural?

The Spanish ambassador's coming.

Where are they?

Pod. You need your hard hat.

Terrific. Lovely to meet you.

(Sighs)

All good candidates.

I think they interviewed well.

Yep, they did.

Now, you have to get to Brisbane.

Yes.

So, we have to decide...

Yes, we do.

.. who we get back...

What?

.. for the second interview.

Second?

Shall we sit on it for a day?

No! Decide now.

And to me, it was obvious. It's Pauline.

Oh, she was a little unfocused.

We see that at netball.

Really?

My pick was Kevin.

He lives in Singapore.

Yes.

You know Pauline's been offered another job?

They often say that.

It's true.

You know what I find useful in these situations?

Making a decision?

Psychometric testing.

Ah!

Mm. It is very good.

Looking at me. OK.

There you go. That's two. OK, great. Good on you. No worries.

Oh, wow.

I reckon back to the vents, mate.

Thank you.

See ya.

Bye.

Again, Ella, thank you so much. Big fan of your music and...

We are just so pleased you could join us for this event.

I was really honoured to be asked. Thanks for having me.

I just wanted to check one thing -- you wanted me to sing the Spanish anthem as well?

Yeah, as a tie-in, because the construction company's from Spain and the ambassador's coming down.

It's just that I checked, and the Spanish anthem doesn't have any words.

Fun fact?

Uh, who should I...?

Oh, I'll get those.

OK, cool.

Thanks, guys.

Bye.

Thank you.

Lovely to meet you.

You too. Bye.

Bye-bye.

She's gorg...

What a stupid waste of time that is!

How was I to know?

Are we paying her for two anthems?

She can hum the second one.

That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard... Hello!

Hi. It's... it's not going down.

Oh! I forgot to swipe you.

There you go.

OK.

Again, great to see you! See you in the... Bye-bye!

Tony, I've got Steve from the tunnel site.

There's a problem with the trucks.

God, I thought we solved that.

Scotty, can you bring in the site access plans for the tunnel site?

Coming!

Steve.

Why's that?

But why can't you get the trucks in?

What? Hang on, I've got the s...

Where? E7.

There's plenty of room there, mate.

What's in the way?

A seating bank?

Yep.

And a VIP marquee.

That's right, for the guests.

The trucks can't get in because of your stage!

What does it matter? You don't start drilling for another two weeks.

We start Monday.

Monday?!

Monday.

The drill's being assembled now.

Ahead of time. For once, good news.

How is this good news?

Churro's ready to go!

Well, I'm not. It's the first week of July.

So?

Winter break!

Half my Cabinet's in Tuscany. We've got to delay.

Are you seriously suggesting we delay a $11-billion project so that 15 dignitaries...

16. The mufti said yes.

Wonderful!

.. 16 dignitaries can hold a silver shovel in the hope of a pathetic little grab on the evening news?

I just need two weeks.

In two weeks, the tunnel-boring machine's gonna be 250m underground!

Well, then, back it out!

It's not a hatchback!

Tow it! Don't care! Get it out of there.

My head's about to explode.

Oh, could it be the vents?

I'm dealing with one of the largest construction companies in the world, and you want them to sit on their arse for a fortnight?

Well, you didn't wanna come to the meetings.

We're gonna have to compensate them for millions!

Do you know what? It doesn't matter. You can't start, period.

This is insane!

Do you have any idea of the meeting I'm about to have with the Spanish?

In Spain, they don't have a tooth fairy, but a tooth mouse.

They said they need it by tomorrow.

I'll try to get back first thing.

Oh, did you see the psychometric testing came back?

And?

Pauline didn't do so well.

Give them to me.

She's an introvert deflector.

Katie: You can't go in there without a face mask!

I need real help.

Me too.

The Brisbane office manager.

Still? I thought you had someone.

HR.

Oh, right.

Three CVs. If I leave them with you...

Wait, wait, hand them over.

Her.

Pauline. Thank you!

Ring Beverley. Tell Beverley, 'Offer Pauline the job.'

Hang up on Beverley.

You... you don't want a pastry?

(Speaks in Spanish)

No, no.

Gracias.

I mean, obviously, we... we... you know...

Compensated, I mean, this is, you know, it's us...

With this contingency, you know... when you... in the back... and with the circumstances, regrettable...

Are you not gonna translate this?

I don't understand what you are saying.

(Both speak in Spanish)

Yeah, OK. Uh... simply.

We have to delay tunnelling for ten days.

You're not gonna translate that?

I don't want to say that.

I reckon have a pastry first. Um...

(Both speak in Spanish)

We could take them to the penguins.

Yep.

For a trip down Great Ocean Road.

Sure.

Observation Wheel.

I reckon we let them cool down for a couple of days.

Might be better.

I'll keep researching.

Tony? The Parliamentary... Parliamentary Secretary to the Treasurer is on line two.

You know what this is about.

Launch?

I'm gonna get a kicking 'cause of Rhonda's frigging cost blowout.

Alistair, how are you?

Yes, the launch.

Sure. Uh-huh.

No, I hear that loud and clear. I'll get onto it right away.

That's it?

No problem.

Scotty, can you hear me?

Yep.

We need another shovel.

Hey. Did you get a message from Beverley?

No.

She spoke to Pauline.

Offered her the job.

And?

She was delighted. Very flattered.

Great!

Unfortunately, she's already taken that other one with Queensland Tourism.

To do what?

Run their office.

Yeah, apparently we just took too long getting back to her.

Classic type 2 introvert.

Shall I get Beverley back in?

Yeah.

OK.

(Sighs) How am I gonna tell Tony?

Tony: I heard that.

Almost shovel time!

Oh, is it? Great! Good on ya!

We're getting some good reports from the perimeter.

Oh, great. Good.

Pretty well-behaved.

Thank you for everything.

Come on, guys. Quick!

(Applause)

Thank you. Going well!

Going well?

Really well!

How did Ella go?

Oh, wonderful!

Yeah. Great voice.

You don't wanna come out the front?

No, no, I'm fine. Yeah.

It's the Spanish horses.

Yeah, no. How long does it go?

Both: Three minutes.

(Plane flies overhead)

What's that doing?

It's a plane. Oh, it's doing skywriting.

'No'...

'I'. No 'I'.

It'll be a 'T'.

Yep, it's doing it. Cross. 'T'.

Reporter: Tonight, renewed fighting in eastern Ukraine, a boost for job-seekers, and the best-laid plans -- tunnel launch derailed.

'No T-U-N-I...'

Nah, it's another 'N'.

Rhonda's worked it out.

She's worked it out already?

Yep.

T-U-N-N...

Oh, 'tunnel'! 'No tunnel'!

It's not on here.

Now, where are we?

Brisbane. Office manager.

Mm. Bris... bane...

What date is it?

11th.

It's crept up on us, hasn't it?
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