04x19 - Over the Hump

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Awkward...

You applied to college?

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't tell anyone.

We make a great team.

Totally.

I'm glad we're hanging out because I like you, Jenna.

Gabby's a really cool girl.

Yeah, she is.

So are you.

Senior year was two-thirds over, and I still hadn't been accepted to college.

Thankfully, spring break was right around the corner, so I'd have plenty of quality time to wallow in self-pity.

Great news!

Ally rented a beach house in Rosarito, Mexico, for spring break, and the whole family is invited.

We are going spring breaking!

Spring break with Sadie: Pass.

Well, you can bring Tamara.

Ally said the house is huge, and Sadie's invited lots of friends to celebrate her acceptance to Columbia.

And I think I'm gonna have a tequila sh*t for breakfast.

That's great, Mom.

You and Sadie have a lot to celebrate, what, with you both going to college in the fall.

Yeah, can you just keep that stuff between us for now?

You still haven't told him?

I'm waiting for the right time.

Time for what?

Someone in this room got into Lockard College.

Oh, thank God. I didn't want to say anything, but if you weren't accepted anywhere by spring break, I was really going to start to worry.

Oh.

Not me.

Surprise!

What the hell is going on?

When I was visiting campuses with Jenna this fall, I started thinking, "is it really too late for me?"

Yes.

What?

You applied to college without telling me?

Because if I didn't get in, there would be nothing to tell.

But... I got in.

So you're gonna commute or pledge a sorority, or what?

Aren't you a little old for all of that?

Yeah, Mom, if you want to party, why don't you just join the country club like all the other normal moms?

I do not want to party.

I want a career.

I think I might become a fixer.

A fixer?

That's a career?

Yes, you call a fixer when you're in real deep.

And they make all kinds of secret phone calls to the police and press... Whoever.

Mom, that's not a career, that's a TV show.

Lace, you don't really have to go.

I mean, it's enough that you got in.

I am proud of you.

Oh, no.

I'm going.

I just need to do a little more research.

I call the TV tonight.

Look at her, holding court like some newly engaged Kardashian.

Congrats, Sadie.

Yeah, congrats.

Right back at you, if you ever get accepted to anywhere, Hamilton.

I had tried to put my guilty conscience about my drunken hookup with Matty to bed, but I sensed a wake-up call was on its way.

Very cool, Sadie.

Lots to celebrate on spring break in Rosarito.

Thanks again for including me.

Of course.

Ignore anything my slaggy Aunt Ally says.

She thinks she's using all my friends to mule Mexican pharmaceuticals across the border.

Hey, thanks again for all your help with Matty's party.

By the way, you left your tequila at his house.

Oh, no, I got it.

You did? When?

It was definitely still there after you left.

I dropped it off to her.

I took it to her on...

Saturday.

Sunday.

Sometime over the weekend.

Yeah.

Oh, well, thanks again for bringing it.

I definitely owe you one.

Oh, hey, Gabby.

Team meeting before class.

Got to run, see ya.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

I am a horrible person.

No, you're not.

What do you know?

You're a horrible person too.

I feel terrible lying to her.

Maybe we should just tell her about the hookup.

What? No.

Why would we do that?

One thing I have learned is that secrets always have a way of coming out.

The important thing is that we stopped before it went too far.

Exactly.

It was just a kiss, not a big deal.

Boys, wait up.

I need something.

Aw, princess, keep up the sweet talk.

Your wish is your demand.

Listen, I can't afford Columbia, and I'm not going into debt for the next 40 years.

Is that a whiff of desperation I smell?

Mmm, desperation mixed with bitchery is such an intoxicating cocktail.

Good, so drink it up.

I'm a finalist for the Elsa Hax Scholarship, which will give me a free ride at Columbia.

They want a one-minute video showing who I really am, so I need your expert skills to make me look like the kind of sad, simpering sycophant they love to throw money at.

That really will require expertise.

And possibly CGI.

Great, I'll send you the deets.

Jake, I'm sh**ting my scholarship video with Theo and Cole later, and I want you there too.

Sure.

I learned a lot about production making my music videos.

Oh, no, I don't need you for any of that.

Please, those music videos were pathetic.

I need an image consultant.

I want to come off as sweet and sincere, and you're like vanilla ice cream: Boring, but everyone likes it, 'cause it's bland, benign, milquetoast...

I get it.

So will you help me?

Pretty please?

[Knocking]

[Hellogoodbye's Die Young, Die Dumb; Not Soon playing]

Hi.

What are you doing here?

You have a girlfriend.

Yeah, I tried calling my biological dad.

His number was old.

I guess that's no surprise.

Like he'd have the same number for 18 years.

Well, maybe there's someplace you can get updated info.

Have you tried looking online?

No, there's gotta be a million Daniel Durands.

A million or...

136.

Jenna?

Oh, hey, Matty, I didn't know you were here.

Your girlfriend's name is Gabby, right?

Jeez, Mom, what are you, TMZ?

Well, she's at the front door.

Hey.

I wanted to replace this since Matty totaled your other one.

That is so sweet.

You didn't have to do this.

She really didn't, because I felt guilty enough.

I have to say, I had doubts about this spring break trip.

I know Sadie and Matty go way back, but she kind of scares me.

We went to pre-school together, and my main memory of her was of burning insects with a magnifying glass.

Oh, she can still do that trick... with her eyes.

[Laughs]

Well, that's why I was so glad to hear you're going on the trip too.

It'll be nice to have a real friend there.

That's me.

Your real horrible friend.

You got to go.

Why? Is she coming?

No, she left, but you got to go.

Relax, she doesn't know I'm here.

We still have time to search a little bit more.

I can't do this.

I can't stand sneaking around.

Maybe you should be doing this with Gabby instead of me.

Jeez, relax. Why do you have to make such a big deal out of everything?

If this comes out the wrong way or over spring break, it will be a big deal.

Promise me you'll talk to her.

Okay, yeah, whatever.

"I ended up living with my aunt, who is battling a chronic and debilitating illness"?

What's wrong with Ally?

Sounds like she's dying.

Her liver is.

She's a drunken slut.

You should just say that.

Speak your truth.

No, she's trying to win this thing.

If this were about being real, I'd tell these scholarship people how [Bleep] lucky they'd be to get me.

But the Elsa Hax Scholarship committee wants an ambassador of suckiness, so I'm gonna have to act it.

Ah, the basic bait-and-bitch switch.

Exactly.

So are we ready?

Let's get this [Bleep] rolling.

Action.

After my own financial reversal I came to see Palos Hills High School as a gilded cage of complacency and entitlement.

Unexpectedly, it was working on the food truck that...

Try not to say "food truck" like you're constipated.

How else am I supposed to say a word that makes me think of vile, stanky sausage?

Unexpectedly, it was working with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds that made me feel connected to everyone, not just those lucky enough to be born affluent.

This dual imperative of social justice and humility is what I hope will both buttress and inform my studies at Columbia.

Did we get it?

Because if I have to smile for one more minute, I am going to puke.

Yeah, I think so.

How long will this take to cut together?

It'll require painstaking work to knit together 60 seconds wiped of all bitchery and shade.

Great, I won't be needing your services any longer.

Come back, Sadie.

Oh, no, my dreams are ruined.

I want you to edit it.

Me? What... why?

Because I got what I needed from those twisted twinks, and now I need a nice guy to do as he's told.

So don't [Bleep] it up, okay?

Oh...

And thank you so much, Jake.

I had survived last night's close encounter and was determined to be a better friend to Gabby by limiting future encounters with Matty.

Jen.

Matty told me what went down after his party, and I totally understand.

Don't worry.

We never even have to speak about it.

Oh, thank God.

I knew you'd understand.

I mean, we didn't mean for anything to happen.

We were just both really drunk and sad, and...

Hey.

Did you hook up with Jenna?

I thought you told her. She said...

He told me you've been talking a lot because you're upset your mom got into college.

That is true, too.

I am such an idiot.

You two have fun on spring break together.

No, Gabby, wait, it's...

Thanks, Jenna.

Gabby.

Let's eat inside today.

There's too much trash out here.

What's with intimidation nation?

I thought you were tight with "Gab" and her crew.

Things have changed.

Oh, my God, what have you done now?

Why do you just assume it's my fault?

Because I've known you my whole life.

Matty and I sort of hooked up, briefly and barely, after his birthday party.

How could you be so déjà-stupid?

When are you gonna learn?

Old boyfriends are like chips: No double-dipping.

It's not like that. It was a really intense night.

I'd just found out that my mom got into Lockard, and Matty...

Really? More secrets?

It's not my secret, it's Matty's.

Okay, I know I can't keep a secret, but you still... later.

I decided to finish my lunch in a familiar place without the judgmental stares.

Unfortunately, judgment was hard to outrun in high school.

Honesty had proved a dangerous policy, and I was suffering the consequences from Gabby and her crew.

Luckily, I had a guidance counselor available 24/7.

[Laughter]

[Muffled] Spring break, woot-woot!

Did you hear?

Will and I are going to be meeting you in Mexico.

Yeah, I'm teaching Val how to scuba dive.

I can't believe she's never gone down and explored all the life just teeming in the ocean.

Well, what can I say?

I never wanted to go down until I met you.

Huh?

Should I give you guys some private time?

Yeah, thanks.

I heard about your hookup.

I get it.

That intimidation nation group scares me too.

It's understandable.

The only way you felt you could compete was by slutting it up.

It wasn't about that. I was sad.

I just found out my mom got into college.

Well, bravo.

She's challenging herself, exploring uncharted waters.

Yeah, I understand Lacey's need to grow.

Will is pushing me to break free from my normal routine.

Speaking of, I need to be au courant on all things sexual for spring break.

Is it really possible to fit two whole...

Okay, not engaging.

Okay, good talk.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

It takes two to tango, or sometimes three.

It's not all your fault.

It's all your fault.

Thanks to you, Matty isn't going on spring break.

What? I thought it was just Gabby who wasn't going.

Matty is one of the few people I actually care about in this school.

And now he's not going because of you and your overeager, rasty little beaver.

Next up, a video essay, submitted to us this very morning by Sadie Saxton, who's a finalist for the Elsa Hax Scholarship, which she hopes will pay her way to Columbia University.

Take note, all you juniors. This is the kind of sucking up that gets you a free ride to the Ivy League.

My name is Sadie Saxton, and I'm a senior here at Palos Hills... [Bleep].

Can we do it again?

I said "Palos" like a cholo.

[Laughter]

I've embraced my experiences beyond the gilded [Bleep]... Cages.

[Bleep], I have to do that again.

[Laughter]

Can you stop whispering?

Stop whispering, Mary-Kate and Trashley.

Shut the [Bleep] up.

Shut the [Bleep] up or get out.

[Laughter]

If you ask for one more take, I will smash this camera into your brain.

[Laughter]

Give that back to me... [grunts]!

[Bleep] [Bleep] Get it together, [Bleep].

Shut the [Bleep] up!

[Laughter]

I am going to flay and m*rder you... very slowly.

That sounds hot.

But, sadly, can't take credit.

Jake is your man.

Someone spiked that vanilla shake with a little rum.

Rosati!

What the hell, Rosati?

That is not the video you showed me.

That better not be the video that went to Columbia.

Aw, you don't like it?

I thought the point was to capture the real you.

This is not a joke, you ass.

How about instead of the word "ass," you substitute "one of my oldest friends, who's always had my back."

You didn't send it.

I knew you it. You are too...

Nice?

Here's the thing. We're all used to you.

You exhale so much snark on a daily basis, you might actually be what's k*lling the bees.

I'm getting bored.

At Columbia, no one knows you yet.

You get a clean slate.

Oh, I get it.

You're trying to teach me a lesson.

Precious.

Really, I'm touched.

Let me think about this, 'cause maybe it'll convince me to change my ways and go off to college as a super nice girl.

No, you'll never be that, Sadie.

But maybe you're not as big a bitch as you want everyone to think you are.

No, I totally am.

Matty, wait.

Look, we made a mistake.

Yeah, I know, we should have told her.

Things have a way of coming out.

You have to communicate with her, Matty.

Yeah, I'm trying.

It's not that easy.

Well, you're able to with me, in your own sort of way.

Yeah, well, it's easier with you.

Well, I'm not the one you're trying to have a relationship with.

Look, we have a habit of falling into old patterns, and it keeps screwing us up.

Yeah, I know.

And now the spring break thing.

Well, I'm not going, so it won't be a problem.

But you should go. We should both be able to go.

It's our last spring break.

It would end my relationship with Gabby.

Because you haven't told her the truth.

Why don't you just tell her about the letter and that you're trying to find your real dad?

Hey, I told you I'm not ready, okay?

To share something with a girl you're willing to miss spring break over, or to find your real dad?

Both.

Matty, if you weren't ready, why did you come to me?

I have no clue.

I wish I hadn't.

[Mellow rock music]

♪

Matty was impossible to decipher, so why did I keep trying to help him?

Shouldn't he have been going to his girlfriend for that?

Oh, right, he wasn't ready to communicate with her yet.

He had me for that.

Hey, let's go bikini shopping for spring break.

I don't even want to go on spring break anymore.

Is this about me going to college?

No, it's not about you.

Not everything is about you.

Hey, I don't like your tone.

Whether I go to college or not, I am still your mother.

Oh, I'm sorry if I get confused on when to treat you like a mother.

The way I see it, I'm the adult and you're the wild child.

Having tequila sh*ts for breakfast?

I had one sh*t...

And an orange juice chaser.

It's like you're competing with me.

I mean, you have a better body than me.

You're more fun at parties than me.

You dress better.

I just offered to take you shopping.

Do you know how humiliating it is that you got into college and I didn't.

Congratulations, Mom.

You're better than me at everything!

Hey.

What's going on?

It's okay, Kevin.

Jenna's right.

I am too old for college.

It is too late for me to start over.

Mom, wait.

I don't want her to not go because of me.

She's going.

I already mailed her tuition check.

Well, cancel it. She doesn't want to go.

Yeah, that's what she said.

But look at all that she did.

Took the SATs, filled out applications, write essays, all knowing that she could be rejected.

Trust me, I know all about rejection.

I got two.

Jenna, you will get into college, and into the right place for you.

How can you be so sure?

Because I believe in you, like I believe in your mom.

And I know her better than anyone.

She wants this.

She's just scared.

She needs me to give her a little push to get over the hump.

That's what you do for the people you love.

My father's unscrambling of my mother's mixed signals got me thinking about Matty.

Can I ask you a question?

Hmm?

Why is it so hard to be friends with exes?

I don't know.

I guess it's confusing for guys.

Our heads are wired one way, and our hearts are wired another, and our...

We shut down.

And we don't communicate what we really want.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go tell your mother that she's going to college or she's grounded.

Suddenly, it made perfect sense why Matty had turned to me for help finding his bio dad instead of Gabby.

He was scared and needed a little push from the person who knew him better than anyone.

There was more than one fixer in this family.

Your mom let me in.

I found your biological father.

Okay.

Turns out that eight of the Daniels were actually Danielles.

So then I narrowed it down by race and age, took a gamble that he still lived on the west coast and wasn't incarcerated, and narrowed it down to three very real possibilities.

And they're all on Facebook.

So the first one is Professor Durand.

Ph.D. at Oregon.

Smart gene pool.

Second is Danny D. from Bakersfield, although I can't really picture your father having a unibrow.

And then there's this guy.

He owns a beach rentals place and is also a paddle board instructor.

And get this, his place is right next to the border.

It's, like, an hour from Ally's beach house.

Maybe you're meant to go on spring break.

Maybe it's destiny.

I did not ask you to do this.

I know.

Now that you have the information, you can decide what you want to do with it when you're ready.

What's that?

It's your mother's personal statement for her college app.

Let me guess, her dreams of fixing the world?

Sort of.

"Some people want to go to college so they can change the world. I just want to change me. There are a lot of things I would have done differently in my life if I had the chance. Most people would say that my daughter was a mistake. No one actually intends to get pregnant at 16. But that's not the way I see it. My daughter definitely altered the trajectory of my life. But I have never regretted it. I considered it a privilege to care for her and, yes, to be honest, to oftentimes grow up with her. Hell, maybe she grew up faster than I did. She is so smart and so mature that sometimes she intimidates me, but more often, she inspires me. Maybe that's my real goal when in trying to get into college, to make my daughter as proud of me as I am of her, to live up to being Jenna Hamilton's mother."

Does that mean you're okay with col...

No, but at some point I will be.

Okay, got it.

And I knew I would.

I was surprising myself with my resilience... and my optimism.

I even had a feeling things were gonna work out with Matty.

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I made contact with my biological dad.

And I think I'm gonna meet him on spring break.

I'm sorry if I've been acting like a real jerk.

The truth is, I... am a little scared to meet this guy.

I'd really like for you to be there with me.

Next on Awkward...

We're on spring break, people!

This is our last spring break together.

So let's really max it out.

We brought the best party favor ever.

Both: We're big in Japan!

Our video has like 12 million hits.

Goodbye, Palos Hills. Hello, New York City.

Pretty soon it will all have been just a bad dream.

I should have known, once again, I was going to be left out in the cold.