01x05 - Fried Green Tomatoes

[bunniefuu]

Somebody broke in to my priceless Oldsmobile cutlass supreme. My cutlass!

Pop's worried about you, man.

You need to learn how to let some of that stuff go, man.

You gonna mess around and bust a blood vessel or something, man.

My window got busted last night.

Probably some kind of strange initiation for one of his brainwashed followers. Tonight, you gonna be watching my car.

In order for me to do my job right, I got to sleep in the car.

I let you sleep in my house once.

Smelled like ass for days.

It gets really dangerous here.

This is a community garden, man. Everybody gonna eat.

This lot just became available for rent.

You really gonna extort your boy Jesus Christ, man, your lord and savior?

We're agnostic.

How much?

$600.

You can either have v*olence with the Mexicans, or you gonna have v*olence with me if I don't get my product as promised.

And I'm not gonna be extorted by anybody.

So you decide who you more afraid of... them or me?

♪ uh-huh, yeah ♪
♪ lord, have mercy ♪
♪ please have mercy on me ♪
♪ and if I done done somebody wrong ♪
♪ have mercy, if you please ♪
♪ as we forgive those that trespass against us, against us ♪
♪ lord, have mercy ♪
♪ yo, yo ♪
♪ yo, yo ♪
♪ please have mercy on me ♪
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
♪ and if I done done somebody wrong ♪

Hey, hey, Jesus!

Jesus, come quick Jesus!

Look, I don't know what happened.

I checked them last night. They must've wilted overnight, all of them.

All of them?

All of them.

God damn it, man!

Not right now, Fish. Come on, man.

Miss me with the blasphemy, homey.

Oh, man, I can't believe it, man.

I-I'm dead, man. My mom's gonna k*ll me.

She gonna blame this all on me. I know it.

I don't understand, man.

I mean, we did everything he said to do.

I told you! I've been telling your ass for weeks these plants wasn't growing right!

All right, don't trip, don't trip.

Don't panic, y'all. I know what to do.

I'd done seen this before. Y'all know what time it is.

Come on. It's time to pray. Let's bring it on in.

Come on, Tray. Come on, Fish.

n*gga, I ain't trying to pray, man!

[Bleep] Serious?

Yeah, I'm serious!

God ain't gonna put nothing you that you can't handle, dawg! So with that being said, we need to pray, man. Right now ain't the time to be losing faith!

Señor...

Hey, Tray, hook my man up real quick.

Hey, Luis, save me one of them salads, man.

Say, Jesus, man. I don't know, man.

I love you and all, but sometimes [Bleep] with you, it just ain't worth it, man. You always talking all this noise about how much God loves us... "pops loves you, pops gonna look out for you, pops gonna make a way."

And this how he shows his love? Do better on my own, man.

Fish, man, it's just a test, bro.

We still got vegetables though, Fish!

We still got vegetables, Fish!

Hey, man, what about my mama's money? Man, these drawers tight.

[Brakes squeal]

Something stinks.

Aw, man.

Fool!

Pendejo.

You got nothing to say today? Hey, watch where you're going, fool!

Enano.

Hola, tenants Como estas.

Hey, check it out. It's Run DMC.

[Both laugh]

Míralo, trader Jesus's.

Pretty impressive. Now only if there wasn't like a million other places to buy vegetables, you'd be rich.

Guys, you know why we're here, right?

Rent's due, mother [Bleep]

$600.

Hey, look, homies.

It's my bad, man. It's on me, man, but we a little short right now, man. You got to...

Short? How short?

Like him short? I'm 5'8", but that's beside the point.

Man, this is my last two dollars, man.

I got 12 bucks.

Look, look, look, man. We don't want no trouble.

We don't want no problem about it, man.

We trying to get it together, man.

Please, just bear with me, man. We gonna get it as soon as we can, man. I promise, brah.

Well, sh**t. A promise from Jesus n*gro... that's got to be worth something, right?

You know it is, fool... your eternal salvation.

It don't get no better than that, man.

All your boy needs is like a couple more weeks, man.

Couple weeks, huh? That sounds reasonable.

What's a couple weeks?

What... what's the catch?

No catch.

It's all love, peace, and jheri curl grease.

Maybe we're just feeling a little, uh, forgiveness.

For real? You bullshitting.

Serio.

Al rato, Al rato.

See you all later... a couple weeks.

What'd I tell you? God is good, ain't he?

[Laughing]

Man, God ain't good, man.

God sucks right now!

Oh, n*gro of little faith, isn't the miracle of the forgivin' cholos enough proof to let your disbelieving ass know that God want this sh*t to go down, man?

This is ordained, pimp.

[Both laugh]

Man, what about my mom?

You think she gonna blame you for this?

Jesus, God damn! She gonna blame me!

Look here... you don't trip, 'cause if there's something to be said, I'm gonna take the heat from Ms. Tudi.

And she gonna listen to me. Ms. Tudi gonna listen to me.

Shut up, Jesus. I already know this is Boonie's God damn fault. I know because his father was always [Bleep] sh*t up, too.

We don't know what went wrong. I mean, every day, we prayed, we gave the plants the water and nutrients it needed.

You trying to tell me that God can't grow no g*dd*mn weed plant? Is that what you're saying?

He made heaven and earth, but his only begotten son can't grow a weed plant to save his life. I can't believe I go to church every Sunday for this sh*t.

[Brakes squeal in distance]

You about to make a bitch lose her religion.

There's also the cholos.

What about the cholos?

The rent is due.

Ho-ho!

Whoa, whoa! [Imitates brakes squealing]

I know you not about to ask me for some more money.

I know you ain't about to ask me for some more money!

Ms. Tudi, look, we gonna do whatever we can to make this right, but right now, we just need a little more time.

And a little more money. Look, now, I'm serious.

God got a plan for us.

Is that my car?!

[Tires screeching]

What they doing?!

Hey! Hey! [Indistinct shouting]

Boonie! Boonie, get your ass back in here.

Boonie!

I'm sorry, Ms. Tudi.

Well, I don't like it.

[Crowd grumbles]

A garden? There's no telling what they're doing over there, and if this crazy fool really thinks he's Jesus, well...

Jesus?

Jesus?

Oh, yeah.

He thinks he's Jesus. And so does his little followers that trail him wherever he go. I'm gonna tell you like this... that whole garden thing... That's just some Jim Jones cultness.

[Crowd murmuring]

So what are we gonna do about it?

I'll tell you what I'm doing about it.

Right now, I got one of my best men on it.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Welcome... Maggie, where everybody at?

[Sighs] Don't worry, Jesus.

Look, people are gonna catch on, okay?

Remember... belief, belief, belief.

Welcome and bienvenidos friends and neighbors to the Compton community garden... our garden, your garden... where we've been blessed with a variety of fruits and vegetables for your gastric pleasure.

I'm talking about so much stuff, you ain't got no choice but to be thankful. All we ask is that you pay what you can and only take what you need.

Amen?

[Applause]

"Take what you need" don't mean shoplift, Lloyd.

Jesus, I got a bone to pick with you.

Man, give me one of those plots, man, so I can turn my life around! Come on, man!

I want to work the land!

Look, Lloyd, there's a lot of stuff going on right now.

I can't play with you, bro. But here... take this salad, enjoy it, and tell people about the community garden.

Thank you. God bless you.

Community garden, my ass.

More like a selfish n*gga garden.

Man, you really about an ungrateful mother [Bleep] huh?

And he didn't even say thank you.

Ha! Jesus has his way of handling sh*t, and I got mine.

That's what I'm talking about, Ms. Tudi! Store-bought g*ns.

It's about time.

Mom, what the hell are you doing?

Oh, what a surprise! Boonie's scared.

Well, of course you're scared, because you a fat, scared mother [Bleep] like your father. But I'm gonna tell you something... I'm not gonna just roll over and let somebody take what's mine. So you coming whether you scared or not. Grab the damn g*n.

Come on! Let's go.

Exactly!

We let them damn cholos push us around for too long.

Bring the g*n, fat-ass!

We rolling! Boonie! Come on!

Lloyd? Lloyd, pick it up.

Whoo!

What are doing, man?

Hey, Vic, how you doing?

What you doing with the beach cruiser, man?

Oh, this is beautiful. Beautiful.

Whoo! Oh, this is so beautiful.

What you on, n*gga?

I'm on a pink bike.

[Laughing] Look at that.

You on the pipe, Lloyd?

No.

Look it . Look at it, look at it.

Ah! Look at that! [Laughing]

n*gga done lost his mind.

[Giggling]

Hello.

No, I...

Slow down, please. Come again.

The salad. What did you put in the salads?

Look at mi husband.

No. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Shh! Shh!

No policía. Uh, dinero.

Mucho dinero. Ivámonos!

Why would you give them everything?

She was gonna call the police.

I don't know what's going on with the salad?

Look, find out what's in there.

See, we ain't got no special powers.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, I love Jesus, and all, but... [Scoffs]... That n*gga gonna be okay.

'Cause he got all kind of infinite powers, you know, and all that good sh*t. But, hell, all I got is bills to pay.

What are you doing back there?

Are you praying? n*gga, stop praying!

Stop praying!

I'm telling Jesus.

Tell him.

Hey, y'all stop, y'all stop.

There you go right there.

Oh, sh*t, there it is, there it is.

Okay, listen. Masks... get them on.

All right, y'all ready?

Ready.

1, 2, 3. Go! Come on.

All right, let's go.

sh*t, it's almost as if they wanted us to find it.

I know, I know. Come on, y'all, just get in the car and drive off. I'll cover you, okay?

Cool?!

Whatever.

Let's just get it over with!

Hey.

This sh*t don't seem right.

[Key rattles]

The damn key don't work.

What?

Somebody changed the locks.

[g*nsh*t]

Oh, sh*t! Come on, yo, come on!

[g*nf*re]

Get your ass down, Boonie!

Get down, boy!

You see who's sh**ting?

Can't see anything!

Take these damn masks off!

Ihola!

I hope that isn't anyone we know trying to rescue their car!

[Laughing]

[g*nshots]

I think it'd be a lot easier if someone just paid their rent.

[g*nshots]

We got to get the hell up out of here.

Boon, lay down some cover fire for me. Come on.

[g*nf*re]

[Tires screeching]

Hoo!

sh*t. You okay? Y'all okay?

Everybody okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. n*gga, I thought you prayed!

Look out!

Jesus!

[Thudding]

You done k*lled the mother [bleep] He supposed to die on the cross, not the escalade!

G! Damn, Jesus.

You all right, man?

He all right.

He Jesus. Jesus, get up.

I ain't superman.

That sh*t hurt.

Jesus, man, we didn't even need your help on this. man.

We had the situation handled ourselves.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you lucky they was just trying to teach you a lesson.

[Tires screeching]

Yeah, that's right! You better go! Huh!

Unh!

Ms. Tudi.

What?!

Calm down.

Ms. Tudi, girl I got something to show you.

[Organ music plays]

[Tinkles]

[Upbeat music plays]

[Laughing] Ha!

Boonie! Come here, son!

I love you, baby.

Boo-boo.

[Both laugh]

I love you, baby!

Oh, and Jesus! Jesus, you got right in the way.

Oh! You my savior! Oh, lord.

So you feel it?

Hoo! I have never felt this good in my life! Hoo!

But I don't understand. How is it possible?

What, is there weed in the tomato?

I mean, there's vitamin a, vitamin k, but...

Hey, who knows? Who knows?

Personally, I think the tomatoes get you [Bleep] up on God's love and grace.

I want some more tomatoes!

Oh, Ms. Tudi's a happy bitch.

Ha ha! Mmm-mm-mm-mm-mmm!

So, you sure that the tomatoes only grow on this plot right here? Our plot.

Mm-hmm.

Ooh! Hallelujah!

Girl, did you know all this time I thought Jesus was [Bleep] up my money again?

Yeah, well, there's a bunch of unused plots where we can grow more.

Ooh, girl, do it. Now listen... this sh*t right here got to stay a secret, okay?

Okay.

How many of these things have been sold already?

I don't think that many.

I mean one lady came and accused us of drugging her husband, but that's how we found out, so...

Well, girl, let's pray that the word don't get out until we get our plan together.

Time to call the cholos and get caught up on the rent.

Jesus, Ms. Tudi, a bunch of people are waiting to be let in.

Well, baby, let them in.

Oh, I don't think they're here to buy vegetables.

Come on, man! We want some salads!

All: Salads! Salads!

Damn!

This is what I was afraid of. Jesus, go talk to them.

Get rid of them, now! Go on, y'all.

Hey, hey, excuse me.

[Applause]

Hey, everybody.

Hey, we want to thank y'all for your support of the community garden, and if anybody interested in buying vegetables, man, please feel free to do so, but, you know, those special salads we had yesterday, we had to discontinue them joints, man.

We ain't even got them right now.

Come on, man! Where the weed at?

Yeah, we want them b*mb salads.

Man, there ain't no weed over here, man.

What you talking about, brah?

Y'all heard the man.

Came to buy weed, then get the [Bleep] out of here.

Close the gate.

Rude!

We just want some salads!

No cults in Compton!

Yeah!

No cults in Compton!

No cults in Compton!

Yeah.

No cults in Compton!

Yeah!

No cults in Compton!

[Bleep] Them!

No cults in Compton!

Vic, what's happening, man? You ain't got nothing else better to do than ride our bumper all day, man?

You ain't got nothing better to do than be trying to ruin the community? Huh? You think we don't know you're growing weed in there?

Vic, this ain't the apartment complex, man. You ain't got no authority here.

So [Bleep] off.

[Bleep] off?

Why you pretending like you own something, convict?

You don't even own them state-issued prison drawers you wearing right now. I got just as much right to be here as you and all the rest of y'all bums.

And we ain't going nowhere till we find out what's going on in there!

Jesus.

Come... come here. Come here.

Hey, I'm talking to you!

Come on, now.

I ask you to get rid of people, and you bring us some more n*gg*s?

I can try to hold some of them off, but we ain't gonna be able to hold them all off. Hey, boon, Tray, y'all got rid of them dead weed plants?

Not yet.

Man, come on. Go and do that stuff now! Go!

Go, go. Go.

Hey, hey, take Maggie with you.

What we gonna do... that's my car.

Maybe you ain't paid your bill. Look like a repossession to me.

Okay, listen, listen...

[Brakes squeal]

...Handle it.

Go and handle it.

Hey! Where you going?!

I'm talking to you!

Hey! Where you going?!

Not now, Vic.

Hey. So, business is booming, huh?

Looks like all you guys needed was a little, uh... Motivation.

Hey, y'all, man, look, man, thank you all for coming, man.

Look, here's the bread for the rent, man, and we appreciate you all bringing the whip back, man.

We straight now, right?

Not really.

Word on the street is, you guys have been growing some special Greens. That wasn't part of the deal.

Rent just went up... $1,200 a month.

You out your damn mind.

Hey, man, I was here first.

Hey, Vic, [Bleep] You, man.

And [Bleep] you, day-laborers.

We ain't paying sh*t extra, 'cause we ain't growing no weed in here.

Oh, that's cool, Webster.

Well, we'll just walk in there and check it out.

Like hell you will.

Mother... we'll just...

[Siren chirps]

[Bleep] Perfect.

Damn, Vic, I knew you was a bitch, but I didn't know you was a snitch, too.

I ain't no snitch. I ain't call them.

All right, who's in charge here?

I am, officer.

We got a tip that, uh, someone's growing weed here.

Weed?

Of course not. No such thing.

We got a school around the corner.

Sorry, guys. I got to search it.

Bring in snoop.

Be my guest, officer.

Hey.

Check it out... here they come.

Here they come.

All right, place is clean. We're out of here.

Hey, thank you for coming by, officer. You sure you don't want none of these complimentary vegetables we got?

No, we're fine. Thanks. All right, fun's over, guys.

Gonna need you all to take off. Let's go.

Move, dummies. No weed here.

Just veggies.

Hey, look, bro.

My bad, bro, for the misunderstanding.

I don't know what happened, but we cool, right?

We cool. See you next month.

[Engine turns over]

We ain't cool.

That's right, con man, we gonna be back.

We gonna be back, con man.

Jesus, I can't believe the police came to this neighborhood and actually helped us out, man.

That's crazy.

Hey, that's 'cause you is a disbelieving mother [Bleep]

You see, miracles be happening in your face all the time, and you don't be trying to see them. You feel me?

They just bounce off every time.

Wait a minute.

So you think God called the cops on us.

I know he did! Dropped dime like a straight-up snitch, but you see how that thing worked out, right?

We straight up!

Hey, man, that mother [Bleep] works in mysterious ways, baby.

Yes, he does.