02x16 - Young & How Sofia Got Her Groove Back

[bunniefuu]

Thanks for giving me a ride, Yolanda.

I promise, as soon as Sofia gets a job, I will have my car back.

Oh, that's okay.

It lets me drive in the carpool Lane without having to use my Burt Reynolds blowup doll.

Well... It's the moment you've all been waiting for.

(Sniffs) Wait a minute.

You went to a fancy charity function last night.

(Sniffs harder)

I smell rich people things.

Ooh, is it a swag bag?

Please tell me it's a swag bag.

Maybe.

Wait, I don't get it. What's going on?

Every time I go to a big event I get this gift bag full of really cool stuff and I let Elliot and Yolanda divvy it up.

But now Gabi's here, so you gotta split it three ways.

Oh, man.

Son of a bitch.

All right, let's keep it civilized.

And remember, it doesn't start until I leave the room.

Oh-ho!

Oh, my goodness! Uh-huh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

What is it? What is it?

Ooh, Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.

A smartwatch!

Ooh, ooh!

A video camera?

A 10-pack for soul spin classes!

Why would you go to a spin class?

You get winded walking down the buffet line.

Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal is in San Francisco filming a movie.

This is the place he goes to spin when he's in town.

(Gasps)

Thank goodness we got a video camera!

(Gasps) Ooh!

Look, a $100 gift certificate to the Royal Hotel and Spa.

(Laughs) Oh no, you score.

(Flatly) That is the best.

(Gasps) Whoa, 10 of them.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

Mine. Mine.

Both: Mine. Mine.

Aah!

Mine. Mine. Mine...

Mine. Mine. Mine...

(Theme music playing)

♪ She in the spotlight ♪
♪ and she turned my head ♪
♪ she'd run a red light ♪
♪ 'cause she's bad like that ♪
♪ I like that, ooh, baby, ooh, baby, baby ♪

♪ I like that ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

Hey!

(Groans)

Hey, so how'd this job search go today?

Oh, great.

You know, that's why I'm celebrating with a big bag of marshmallows.

Gabi: Oh!

Hey, what's with all the little pins on this pretty map you made?

Oh, that's just to keep track of all the places I've applied...

That's fantastic.

...and got rejections from.

Well remember, Sofia, it only takes one employer to say yes.

Well, one employer did say yes.

Yay!

It was my dad.

Yeah, he, ah, he thinks I should move back home to Florida, and, ah, work for him.

Aww, Sofia, you can't go home.

Gabi, I've been unemployed for three months. I'm at the end of my rope.

I can't even afford any more rejection pins.

Okay, okay, enough, all right?

Let's put the sad map away.

You need to get out of this apartment and have some fun.

I'm not in the mood for fun.

Well, what if I told you that I have $1,000 worth of gift certificates to the Royal Hotel and... ♪ Spa? ♪

Thinking mani-pedis.

Mani-pedis?

Blow outs.

Blow outs?

Maybe a massage.

A massage?

Yeah.

A total makeover ending with fancy drinks at the bar.

Fancy drinks? Yay!

That'll totally be my first drink of the day.

Let's go!

See. I told you this would cheer you up.

Gabi, you were so right.

I mean, I have no money, no job, and I'll probably still have to move home to Florida, but I love my new smoky eyes.

Aww, and I love your new attitude.

What are you talking about?

I'm just saying, you know, these past few months of you trying to get a job has made you kinda negative.

Well, what can I tell you? Everything in my life sucks.

I'm just saying I think you need to start shaking things up.

Think outside the box. Start saying yes to life and new things...

Like that guy over there. You know he's been staring at you since you sat down.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Now's your chance.

Do something Sofia would never do.

Be bold. Be crazy. Go talk to him.

You know what? I'm just gonna wait for him to come to me.

Oh, like you're waiting for all those employers to come and talk to you?

See, this is what I mean.

You need to take action and get some action.

You know what? You're right.

Like, what do I have to lose?

Nothing. 'Cause you got nothing.

Yeah.

Can I get you another round?

Uh, yeah, I'll have another vodka cran on ice.

This coupon is only good for food.

Okay, just the ice then.

My God, Gabi, it worked!

He asked me to dinner, and I said... yes.

That's great! This calls for a celebration.

(Claps) Ice for everyone!

Okay, according to Jake Gyllenhaal's publicist, this is the spin class he goes to.

When you see him, be cool don't do anything to embarrass me.

Okay.

(Gasps) It's him!

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

How can you tell? It's so damn dark in here.

Oh, wait.

I had on my new Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses.

I need my picture taken working out with him so I can brag to my friends and elevate my status.

(Scoffs)

This is what everybody's talking about? A bunch of stationary bikes?

Guys, I rode a bike to get here.

This is lame. I'm out.

Who's ready for a spin?

Me.

I'm ready for a spin. I'm Josh. Do you spin here often?

Every day. It's my job.

All right.

All right...

Wait. You two.

You've never been to a spin class, have you?

How can you tell?

Because I have eyes.

Spin virgins go to the back row.

Ugh.

I'm being made fun of for being a virgin?

It's like high school all over again.

Ugh. Hey, great. Now how are we gonna get our photo taken with Jake?

You ever heard of a selfie stick, bitch?

Uh-huh. Look who's finally home.

I took your advice, and I said yes to life, to dinner, and to, um... (clears throat) dessert.

Hmm.

Was it like ice cream dessert, or you scream dessert?

Oh my God, you know, I've never done that before.

I mean, I've done that before, but never like that, you know?

Aww.

I'm a nice girl who did a bad girl thing.

I'm so proud of you.

You were so right!

Letting go is fun.

I said yes to life, and found a funny, charming, and uh, very romantic guy.

Aww, he left me a note.

Aww!

Did I tell you he was romantic?

Open it, open it! What's it say?

It's $500.

Well, why would he give you 500...

Oh my God, you don't think he thinks I'm...

No, I don't think he thinks you're...

What did you think that he thought?

That I'm a hooker?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Oh, my God!

No, it's okay, it's okay! It's all right, hey.

Look on the bright side...

At least you finally got a job.

Oh, my God! I'm a hooker!

No!

You're not a hooker, he just thought you were.

This is your fault, Gabi.

My fault?

Yes! "Say yes to life, Sofia."

Well, I said yes to life, and now I'm just a ho with $78 in her bank account.

Technically, $578.

Shut up, shut up! I'm not gonna keep that money.

That's dirty! That's dirty, dirty money.

Come on, I think this is gonna be a really funny story to tell your kids one day.

No, this is it. This is it, Gabi!

This is the universe telling me to move back home to Florida.

I'm just... I'm totally broke, and totally broken.

Aww, you're gonna be fine, we'll figure something out.

You know, when things were tough, I used to tell myself, "well, at least you're not a hooker."

Now I can't even say that.

Well, you can, it just won't be true.

Let me get this straight, you were standing right next to Sofia, and someone thought she was the prost*tute?

(Laughs)

Oww.

Elliot, this is serious, okay? Sofia's really devastated.

Well, at least she can lift her legs.

And get paid for it.

(Laughing)

Both: Oww.

What possessed you two to think you could get through an entire class of soul spin?

Did you at least get a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal?

Sort of. All I got was one of his foot.

He's got some big feet.

That's my foot, fool!

Guess who's got a date with that hot spin instructor?

This guy!

Wait, how did you take the same class we did and you're still walking?

Well, I exercise every day and I eat right.

Well, that's where we differ.

Um, Josh, can I talk to you about something?

Everybody wants a piece of me today, huh?

Popular guy.

Talk to me.

Okay, this is kind of serious.

Can I get sweet Josh or not-cocky Josh?

You got it. What's wrong, babe?

That was kind of a halfsie.

What's going on?

Sofia's thinking of moving home to Florida because she slept with a guy last night who thought she was a hooker.

Did not see that one coming.

I have to do something, something that's gonna turn this around.

And I don't know what that something is. Do you?

Okay, look, it's Sofia we're talking about here.

There's obviously some kind of mistake.

Well, he slipped an envelope with $500 in her purse after they had sex.

Maybe it was meant for someone else?

Was her name on the envelope?

No.

Was there a note?

No.

So, the money could have been for anybody.

He could have left it for housekeeping.

Or maybe his assistant, or his bookie.

My God, you're right!

Sofia's not a hooker, she's just a thief.

Hi. Do you remember me from last night?

I was with my friend... short dress, stilettos, smoky eyes?

Oh, the hooker.

She's not! Why would you think that?

Short dress, stilettos, smoky eyes.

Okay, she's not a hooker. She's lovely.

She's super sweet...

Let me guess.

Heart of gold?

No!

I mean, yes.

But, the point is that after last night's misunderstanding she's so upset that she's considering moving home to Florida to work at her father's grocery store.

Ooh, checkout girl.

That's one of my fantasies.

Stop it.

She's my best friend, and I'm not letting her move home.

So, here's what we're gonna do, okay?

You're gonna record a message to her, saying that the envelope that she found in her purse must have fallen off the night stand because it was meant for housekeeping.

Okay, ready, go!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm sorry your friend's upset, but I'm not recording anything.

How do I know you're not a cop?

What is that? Like another one of your sick fantasies?

I'm a chef.

Even though that's kind of hot, too.

I am the personal chef to Mr. Josh Kaminski.

Josh Kaminski? The software developer?

Yeah, I think that's what he does.

I am the regional director for Star Bright Cruises.

I'm hosting the captain's dinner Thursday night, and my caterer just dropped out.

You by any chance available?

Seriously? No, I would never work for you. Never ever.

The gig pays five grand.

How does Asian fusion sound?

I still can't believe that that was your first time in spin class.

You're quite an athlete.

Well, you know, I've never referred to myself as an athlete, but, now that you mention it, it's pretty accurate.

(Chuckles)

I guess I have a type.

The last four guys I dated were all basketball players.

Ah, the old b-ball.

You know, I've been known to get into a little two-on-two on the weekends.

No, I meant professional.

I've dated a warrior, a rocket, a timber wolf, and a raptor.

Oh, so I'm the first tech guy you've ever dated?

Yeah.

It's gonna be different going out with a guy who's not so huge.

(Coughs)

Guess what?

I have a huge surprise.

What?

I got a catering gig!

You got another job?

You have two jobs, I can't even get one!

No, no, no I only took the job because it pays five grand.

Five grand?

I'd have to sleep with that guy 10 times to make that.

Okay, okay, just calm down, all right?

I only took the gig so that I can cover your expenses until you find a job.

Yay!

Gabi, that's very sweet, but I can't let you do that.

Well, you don't let me do a lot of things, but I still do them.

Gabi, it's not about the money, or rent, or the fact that someone tried to pay me for sex.

I just... I feel lost here, you know?

I don't have anything going on.

Well, I'll be lost without you, you can't leave me. Please don't go.

Gabi, I can't afford to stay.

Okay, remember when I told you to take action?

Well, it's my turn.

You're not leaving!

I took this job so I can cover your expenses for the next few months!

And I love you, and I will not take no for an answer!

Well, that's the sweetest thing that's ever been yelled at me.

Aww.

So, you'll stay?

Well, on one condition.

I'm gonna help you with this catering gig.

Aww... no...

No, no, I-I...

That's not necessary.

Gabi, I insist.

I will not be a kept woman. Been there, done that.

Okay, I'm gonna help you with this job.

I-I'll be your sous chef, your... your busser, your server, I will not leave your side.

Plus, you know, it'll... it'll help me take my mind off the guy who thought I was a hooker.

Will it?

Oww. Oww.

Oww.

Oww.

Oww.

Oww!

Oww.

Oww. Oww. Oww.

Oww. Oww.

Quick question.

Oww...

If you were used to this big bottle of olive oil, someone gave you this smaller bottle of olive oil, would you point at it and laugh?

What?

It's just, would you be disappointed in this smaller bottle of olive oil even though the smaller bottle of olive oil never had a complaint?

What... what's with the sudden interest in olive oil?

Yolanda, wake up and smell the penis metaphor.

It's just, I'm going out with Kayla, and she's only ever been with... big olive oils.

Josh, that myth about olive oils isn't true.

The last four guys she dated were professional basketball players all over 6'7".

Oh yeah, you in trouble.

Josh, my problem just got bigger.

Well, that makes one of us!

Hey, guys, can I get your advice on something?

Ugh.

Damn you, soul spin and my inability to get away from Gabi.

Hey, are you guys still sore from that one soul spin class?

I've never been in such pain.

I can't even lift my arms.

Wait a minute.

So, if you were a cater waiter assisting me, could you hold this tray?

No.

Gabi, this was such a great idea!

I've been so stressed out about everything.

Yeah. Did you stretch?

No.

Okay, great.

Hold my phone, I'm gonna get some towels.

(Phone rings)

Uh, Gabi, (phone ringing continues) why are you getting a call from "John who thought Sofia was a hooker"?

Ma-huh?

Gabi, start talking.

Okay.

I went to the hotel bar because I knew that you were upset that John called you a hooker.

So, I confronted him, thinking maybe he made a mistake and the money was actually for the housekeeper, but I was wrong, he did think you were a hooker.

So, I demanded he apologize, but then he thought I was a cop, so I had to tell him I was a chef, then he offered me a $5,000 catering job, which you insisted on helping me with!

And so now we're here because I thought maybe if you came here, you'd be too sore to work tomorrow. So I'm really really sorry.

Oh my God, oh my God, you are so lucky that I'm about to pedal off all this rage right now!

Intercom: Attention, cyclists, we're sorry to report Brad is sick and class is canceled.

No!

Uh-oh.

No one is going anywhere because this class is not canceled!

I think everyone should listen to her.

Stop talking, Gabi, and start pedaling.

(Energetic music plays)

No one's gonna tell me that there's no class today.

Ha!

Isn't anyone else just tired of hearing no?

Crowd: Yeah!

And aren't you tired of not getting what you want out of life?

Crowd: Yeah!

Sick of being called a hooker?

All right, well, just... just... just forget that last one.

Now get up, we're on a hill!

Come on, let's go! I said get up!

Oh, what the matter? Is your boss being mean to you?

Well, try not having a boss because you've been unemployed for three months!

Pedal faster!

Oh, and look at you in your fancy soul spin gear.

How could you afford all that?

Do you not have to pay rent because you live with your parents?

Well, that's not gonna be me!

Because I enjoy my independence!

Crowd: Yeah!

I like my freedom!

Crowd: Yeah!

So, you know what that means?

I'm not moving home to Florida!

You're not?

No. I guess I'm not.

Who said you could slow down?

Push ups!

(Sofia claps encouragement)

Whew.

Whoa.

Sofia, that was amazing.

And when you shouted at us in Spanish, you sounded even meaner.

Oh my God, I was talking in Spanish?

Ha! I didn't even realize.

Something just came over me, and I had to take charge, you know?

Oh God, it felt so good to be in control again.

You know, the only reason I took that catering job was to keep you here in San Francisco with me, right?

I know. But don't worry. Like I said, I'm not going anywhere.

I don't know how, but I will figure it out.

We'll figure it out.

Aww. All right, come on, let's get out of here.

I'd love to, you know, but I... I cannot feel my legs!

Ay, dios mios!

You're welcome.

Hey, that was a great class. Where do you teach?

Oh, I-I don't. I just take classes at the Y.

You're a natural. Motivating people and yelling at them?

That's a real gift.

Thank you.

Yeah, she does it at home, too.

Well, I'm the head instructor here, would you be interested in working for us?

Wha-huh?

Uh, what she means is yes! Yes, she would.

Well, how soon can you start?

How's now?

You're hired.

I'll meet you in the back office to talk wage, commission, and benefits.

Wage, commission, and benefits, oh my.

Okay. I'll see you in a second.

My God, you're a working girl again!

And I mean that in the nice way.

Wow, see what happens when you say yes...

Oh, shut up!

It feels good to be back.

How's your salad?

Amazing, I love it.

It's a little light on the olive oil, though.

Here you go.

(Giggles)

Aww, that is the tiniest bottle of olive oil I've ever seen.

It's so cute.

I have a perfectly normal-sized penis!

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Probably for the best.