01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

Announcer (over TV): For eight seasons, America has been watching him grind.

Tonight, it all grinds to a halt.

Stay tuned for a very special episode, The Grinder series finale.

Why don't you say that again, so that everyone can hear you.

I wasn't on the rooftop.

She wasn't... on... the rooftop.

You need to settle, Grinder.

I don't settle! Ever!

This is our house!

Stutz & Grinder!

Was he a good man? No.

But that doesn't make... him a k*ller.

He's mouthing the freaking words.

Shh, shh, shh.

♪ Ring around the Rosie ♪

What is it that I'm not seeing?

What if this is the one I can't win?

What if it's the one you have to?

(music swells)

Grinder rests.

One last time.

Woman: Wow. Wow.

Whoa.

That was so tight.

I loved that.

Powerful stuff, son.

Wow.

Amazing.

Yeah, no, that was, uh... that was a good finale.

It was amazing.

It's-it's so cool, like, watching you, like, watch the show and stuff.

And it seemed truthful to-to you guys as lawyers?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It was great.

It felt as-as real as... as all the other ones.

So what was your favorite part about it, little bro?

Well, it-it was a... it was a g-good case.

Mmm.

A very... a very satisfying way to... to-to say good-bye to the show.

Could you be more specific?

Sure. Um, I liked that, um... that he was a lone wolf, you know? Uh, The Grinder.

And... yet now he's decided to have a-a family.

That's one way to interpret it.

So, what are you gonna do now, Uncle Dean?

(sighs) I don't know.

I mean, right now, I'm just... driving on the highway of... "what the hell is my life," looking for a off-ramp.

I think I just got to pull the car over, you know?

Just get out and... see what life has to offer.

Makes total sense.

I get it.

I get it.

Yeah.

Just take it all in.

Change the oil maybe.

Totally.

Take a deep breath.

Pull out the key.

Stretch your legs a little.

100%.

See what's out there.

Am I the only one who thinks this highway thing is stupid?

The "life is a highway"?

He didn't just invent that, you know, tonight, here.

You are really upset about this highway metaphor.

I hate that he brings this out in me. You know?

I'm not that guy.

You're not that guy.

I'm this guy!

Yeah, you are.

I'm cool!

You're so cool.

It's gonna be fine, honey. He's leaving in, like, three days.

Like his show ending is an existential dilemma, you know?

I know.

It's ridiculous.

It is ridiculous. I don't think you realize how ridiculous it is.

And everyone's so worried about him.

Hey, you know what? The TV star is gonna be fine.

Look at me. I'm a mess.

It's all right, babe. You just get riled up every time he comes into town because, you know, he's this big star and it makes you feel like a side character.

No, that's not it at all.

I don't feel like a side character.

I know, right?

Who would say something like that?

You just said it two seconds ago.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Don't-don't be... You think being cute's gonna make me forget the side character thing?

Is it a little bit?

A little bit it is.

It is... Yes, it's working surprisingly well, actually.

You're very good at this.

(chuckles)

Mom, Dad, is it cool if Joel Zadak comes over tomorrow night?

The... tenth grader?

That's the football player, right?

Yeah.

He wants to... with you? Here-Here?

I've been really coming into my own lately, and I think he's picking up on that.

Oh.

Okay.

Cool.

Sure.

Awesome.

"Pace."

"Pay-eece."

"Pace."

Coming into his own kind of like a-a douchebag, huh?

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Couldn't sleep.

It's 8:30.

Man, I like what you got here.

Thank you, Dean.

You've got it all figured out, you know? You always have.

Kids are growing up so good, and...

Debbie, man... (chuckles)

Wow, I forgot how rad she is.

It's beautiful to see.

It's beautiful.

I have none of it.

Dean, you're being a little dramatic.

You have a lot.

You did it. I mean, you made the right choices that lead to a meaningful life.

And I want that. And... you make me think I can have it.

I make you think that?

I love you, brother.

I love you so damn much.

(kisses)

You inspire me, man.

Okay. Okay.

Oh.

(grunts)

We don't do this enough, hug for a really long time like this.

Dean: What's with the notecards, Stew?

Your kid brother still gets butterflies before he goes to court.

Hey, man. Can I pitch something?

I can't imagine that'd be helpful.

Oh, yeah.

What the hell, Dean?

I need those cards!

You only think you need them.

What's the precedent?

Kemper v. Manheim, 1997.

Camryn Manheim. See? You're like an encyclopedia for this crap.

You're perfect. Let's go.

Man: Grinder!

Hey, man! Thanks for watching!

Love ya!

Prelim hearing, Krantz v. Ramirez.

Counsel?

(clears throat)

(clears throat)

(rapidly): Your Honor, my client, Victor Ramirez, has resided at 887 Oak for nine years.

On June 5, landlord Albert T. Krantz attempted to raise monthly rent to $750, violating section 2-9A of the Idaho general statu... statute.

Um, I have a question.

Have you ever talked before?

(whispers): Nice.

He claims that by missing the March payment, you violated the terms of the lease, giving him cause to terminate and issue you a new lease at, essentially, whatever rate he wants.

We didn't miss payment. He just never cash it.

Because he want us out to raise rent.

We hear that and we empathize with it, but, frankly, this missing check is just crushing us.

He's offering you $1,000 to cover moving costs, and we recommend you take it and settle.

Dean: Counsel?

Do you mind if I counter?

That seems wildly inappropriate.

We don't move.

And we don't pay one more cent in rent.

Dean...

I like that plan.

Are you Grinder?

Is he helping with case?

No.

He is not helping. He's not a lawyer.

Right now, this case is all about apartments and rent.

But what it should be about... is character.

I say we turn this whole thing on its head and put Krantz on the defensive.

That sound smart to me.

Me, too. Stew?

No. This is a terrible idea.

We should definitely settle.

We will 100% lose the case.

I feel like I'm in a Grinder episode right now.

Season four, episode nine. "Settle to the Metal."

We learned something very important in that episode.

The Grinder never settles.

Settles. He never settles.

It's not-not in his nature.

Mm-mm.

I need to ask everyone here, is it in our nature to settle?

I don't think so.

No, señor.

I'm tired of settling.

Yeah.

I feel like all we do around here is settle.

I can't believe this is an actual conversation.

Victor, this is your call.

Do you want to pack your things?

Or do you want to roll the dice?

Mr. Stewart, we roll the dice.

Ah.

Go to trial like The Grinder say.

Yeah!

Grind it!

Yeah.

That was so exciting!

It's so clear to me now.

Dad was a great lawyer. You're a great lawyer.

I became a character who was a great lawyer.

I need to be doing this for real.

So you're gonna go to law school?

Well, I don't think I need that, what with the show and all.

Oh, sure, well, acting on a TV show's the equivalent of going to law school, so why would you need that?

How can I say this?

Let's say you're at a restaurant, and Noah Wyle is two tables down.

You go into cardiac arrest.

You don't think Noah Wyle could step in and help?

I like this analogy.

Yes, he could help, by calling a doctor.

Because he is an actor.

So you would rather go into cardiac arrest next to someone who didn't play a doctor on television, rather than Noah Wyle, who did and probably picked stuff up along the way?

Not me. I'll take Wyle.

Okay, fine.

I guess in this very specific hypothetical, I would rather have a heart att*ck next to Noah Wyle.

Absolutely.

Grinder rests.

Stewart: And now, we are going to trial on an eviction case for a $650-a-month apartment.

I think it's sweet, actually, you know?

He's trying to impress you. He wants to be more like his brother, as well he should.

And you know Dean.

He's probably already on to something else.

(knocking on door)

Hey, guys. Is an adversary proceeding basically just a trial that takes place within the context of a bankruptcy case?

Yeah, pretty much. Why?

I got my assistant hooking up the bar for later in the month.

Oh, you're taking the bar? Here?

So you're gonna stay, here, longer?

Well, you can't take the Idaho Bar in California.

(chuckles) Come on, man. Stick with me on this.

(chuckles) I guess you're right, Dean.

You have to stay here to take the bar here.

Be good, you two.

You be good!

(door closes)

I mean, it actually sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

That's the thing, Deb, it's just words, you know?

Yes, in eight years on his show, he knows a lot of legal words, but he doesn't know what they mean. I know the words, but I just can't say them right all the time.

You say them really well, sweetie.

He's never gonna leave!

(high-pitched): He's-he's gonna stay here forever, and I'm gonna be stuck talking up here in this octave forever.

I hope not.

I don't think it is up here.

It's bad.

(deep voice): I talk down here.

This is my normal voice.

No, that's too low.

That's a little low.

But here's right. Here's right.

Right there?

There you are. Uh-huh.

He-he thinks he's The Grinder.

He doesn't know about the grind...

I know about the grind. I-I grind.

I go to work every day, for years and years, and what do I do there?

Grind?

I grind. Because I am The Grinder.

Yeah. Okay.

I grind hard. All right, well, I'm gonna notecard this.

And I am gonna address this, to his face, Mm-hmm. first thing in the morning. Okay?

Good.

One, you need to leave Wednesday, as planned, Dean.

Great card. Mm-hmm.

Thank you. Two...

Hey.

Where's your football player friend?

He's... just in the bathroom.

Huh.

He's not coming back, is he?

No.

He's with Lizzie.

Dad doesn't let her have boys over.

I was used, Uncle Dean.

I've been there.

It's fine.

Everyone at school knows he's here, and I'll get some mileage out of that.

It's a good thing, big picture.

No.

We are going to nail that kid to the wall.

Let's just lay all the cards out on the table.

Joel, Lizzie, we know what's going on.

I don't know what you're talking about, bro.

Hey! I'm fine with it.

But I need to make sure that both sides are taken care of.

My man E has been wronged.

He needs to get something out of this.

Make us an offer.

What are you guys thinking?

What?

They've got us in a corner, babe.

Fine. Tomorrow at school, I'll tell everybody how much fun I had here, and I'll even say he's a solid hang.

(whispers): That sounds pretty fair.

No.

We want pictures.

From your private online accounts, posted, giving him a piggyback ride.

Hashtag "bestfriends," hashtag "teenlife."

Hashtag "teenlife"?

What part... of "hashtag teenlife" do you not understand?

Stewart: Dean, we need to have a conversation, and I would like to know specific times and dates of your departure.

Use the cards.

Cards are your friends, not a crutch.

Hey, Dean, uh, I really need to t...

That my suit?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, it's wardrobe.

It's part of the process. Tells me a lot about somebody.

I love watching the transformation.

Dean, can I just talk to you for a quick second?

No, we don't have time for quick secs.

Look, we've got to get the word out about how unsavory this Krantz character is.

(chuckles): I love it.

The Sanderson boys riding again.

Right? I mean, lately I've been so, I don't know, lost, and... these last few days, being here, I realized what I've been missing, and it's this.

I'm sorry, you-you wanted to ask me something.

It can wait.

Reporter: We are here with The Grinder himself, Dean Sanderson.

What brings you home to Boise?

Well, I'm actually here to find myself.

And I also happen to be working on a case.

One that's very personal to me, Emily.

There's a snake in the village.

A viper.

Albert Krantz, I am calling you out, sir.

This town is pushing back.

And we, the people, will see you in court.

(paparazzi clamoring)

It's just the brother.

Yes, it's just the brother.

You scared me.

I gave a lecture at the law school today.

Of course you did. And afterwards, a student came up to me and it was the usual, "I love you, I love the show, you inspire me."

But then she told me that she was a single mother and she had a daughter fighting for her life.

Cutaneous B-Cell Lymphoma.

God, that's awful.

Yeah, it is.

So she asked me to sign her daughter's hospital bracelet... said it would mean the world to her... and I reached into my jacket pocket to get a pen.

But there was no pen.

Just these... hurtful, hurtful words.

Needless to say, that little girl never got her autograph.

Dean, I'm sorry, I...

Why didn't you sign the bracelet?

Is this how you feel about me?

Just say it.

Do you know what your problem is?

You don't push back.

Ever.

Krantz says, "Move out," you say, "Fine."

Well, you know what I do? I push back.

Joel Zadak... he wants to use Ethan to get with Lizzie, and Ethan's supposed to sit back and take it?

Wait, what?

Oh, yeah, you didn't know about that?

Mm-mm.

Don't worry, I pushed back.

And I got the kid a great deal.

Now Zadak's gonna tell everybody at school that Ethan's a great kid... it's a win-win for everybody.

Wait a second. Let me just...

This kid was using Ethan to get with my daughter, and your solution was to leverage her for his junior high school popularity?

The way you're saying that makes it sound worse than it was.

I said it the exact way you said it.

I just repeated it back to you.

You're hearing it for the first time, and it sounds terrible.

Well, then I would maybe push back on that, too.

All right, you want me to push back, Dean?

This is me pushing back. Off the cards.

We are done here.

I don't want you talking to my clients, I don't want you in my house, I don't want you meddling with my kids.

I don't even know why you're here, Dean.

Just-just... leave us alone.

Wow.

Turns out you didn't need the cards.

You were able to hurt me right to my face.

Congratulations, Counselor, I accept your deal.

I will leave.

Tomorrow.

At first light.

First light. Just say "morning."

Where is Grinder? I don't see Grinder.

Stewart, you want to break it to your clients why he's not here?

Where's our guy?

Uh... (clears throat)

Your Honor, uh... my brother and I got in... into a fight.

Um...

I maybe said some things that I probably shouldn't have.

At the time, I felt like I wanted to say them, but now I feel... said too much about it already. Anyway, he's... mad at me, and he's not coming.

(gallery groans)

Man: Seriously? Come on!

Sadly, we still need to continue, even without The Grinder.

Opening arguments.

(gavel bangs)

Reporter: Dean Sanderson, surprisingly a no-show.

I can't watch this anymore. Check, please.

You're not gonna... finish what you started?

(dramatic music builds, then swells)

(rapidly): My clients are upstanding citizens who never once failed to pay their rent.

All the prosecution has proven is that the plaintiff... didn't deposit a rent check ten days before it was due.

But according to the plaintiff, there's... no way to... prove that.

Or is there?

(gallery gasps)

Finally.

The defense calls Mr. Albert Krantz.

Objection, Your Honor.

Dean Sanderson is not an actual lawyer.

Oh, please. This is why we're here, Leonard.

Seriously?

How you doing?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Uh, objection... you can't touch the judge.

Shut up. I'll allow it.

I got this.

You got this.

Judge: Mr. Krantz.

Can we...

Do you mind if I...

Yeah, sure.

Oh, wait.

We'd be backlit.

Oh, you know what you're doing.

There you go. Thanks.

Oh, that's great. Thank you.

Mr. Krantz, is it your contention that you were not in receipt of a check for one month's rent from my client?

Aren't I supposed to be sworn in?

And isn't it also true that you have a history of being a monumental douchebag?

Objection.

Sustained.

That's her thing.

I'll allow it.

Uh... Therefore... Oh.

May I borrow your glasses?

Mm-hmm.

Therefore, if the defense were able to produce this missing check and prove that it had been in your possession, we could all go home.

I guess. But that's not gonna happen, because there is no check.

Dean: I would like to enter into evidence Exhibit A.

Let the record show that I hold in my hand a rent check, dated March 1, 2015, from Victor Ramirez to Albert Krantz.

What?

What?

(gallery murmurs)

I went into your Dumpster, right outside the apartment.

It was just sitting there, smiling at me.

Is this actually working?

Shh.

Okay, this is absurd.

I never threw away any check.

You know what? I believe you.

Because all this time, I'd been thinking that you're some mastermind, someone who hides checks.

But the truth is... this check just slipped by you.

Albert Krantz is not a menace to society.

He is a menace to intelligence.

Because the man's an idiot.

O-Okay, Leonard, I would object to that.

Oh, would you?

A check-losing idiot.

I have not lost a check in 15 years.

- You lost this check.

That's not the check.

It is the check.

It can't be the check!

Why not?! Why can't it be the check?!

Tell me why this can't be the check!

Because I destroyed the check!

Oh! Aah!

(gallery exclaims)

Open it.

What it say?

Yeah.

What it say?

"Grinder rests."

(gallery cheering)

(gavel banging)

All right, fine, great, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've all seen the show. It's great.

Thank you.

Your Honor, this is insanity.

I have ten million objections, rounding down.

Firstly: not a lawyer.

We had talked about that all too briefly.

They're calling up witnesses during closing, bringing in new evidence.

All right, I'm afraid that counsel is right.

As thrilling as it was, none of it is admissible.

(gallery groans)

Leonard: Thank you.

Uh, Your Honor, if I may...

The defense is pushing back.

Kitzmiller v. Dover, 1984.

The defense introduces testimony in closing arguments.

Schacter v. Bloom, 1997, new evidence during deliberation.

Gilpin v. Rehnquist, 2002...

(gallery gasps)

Judge: All right, we get the idea.

Mm-hmm.

You know, he's right. Sorry, Leonard.

What?

I'll allow it.

(whoops)

(gallery cheering)

I grind.

You grind.

I grind.

Hey.

Gallery (chanting): Grinder, Grinder, Grinder, Grinder...

Reporter: It sounds like The Grinder has worked his magic again.

The Ramirezes are going to be able to stay in their apartment.

Crowd (chanting): Grinder, Grinder, Grinder, Grinder...

And so the hero makes his way out of town.

Why do you have to go, Uncle Dean?

I just do.

Dean Sr.: I think it's a mistake, son.

Me, too.

Dean: I know.

Life's funny that way.

Sometimes you find exactly what it is you're looking for, and you're not allowed to pursue it.

For literally no reason.

Anyway...

Look, I know you don't love having me here, but you're the only family I got.

And it's been... great.

So, thanks.

Take care of each other.

Love each other.

Cherish each other.

(engine starts)

Uh, wait.

(engine stops)

I'm sorry, did you say something?

Maybe you don't have to go.

Maybe this is... your off-ramp.

So you feel it, too?

I do. I do feel it.

And you think we make a good team?

Mm-hmm.

And I could wear your suits and give advice to the kids?

Mm...

I'm getting out of this car and coming to give you the biggest hug.

(both grunt)

Yeah, look at us. Two lawyers...

One lawyer. came up differently...

We grew up together. but we meet in the middle.

For justice.

Say it.

For justice.

For justice.