02x14 - Kids Don't Wanna Be Shunned

[bunniefuu]

Look, Chubbs, I drew a mustache on Goldilocks.

I know how the bear community feels about her.

Zuri, get out! I told you my friends are coming over.

Ugh! You're ruining my life!

(Imitating siren)

Puberty Police! Check that teenage attitude, please.

Sweetie, Emma wants to do big girl things with her big girl friends.

Me, too! Why can't I hang with you?

Because on movie night we talk about grown-up stuff like boys...

And boy bands... and boys.

Yuck! That reminds me, Chubbs and I need to get our cootie sh*ts.

(Elevator dings)

Hey, Emma!

Emma: Hey, Rosie. Ladies.

(Kissing noises)

Huh?

Emma, this is Bryn. She's new. We have math together.

Oh, hi. So nice to meet you.

Hi. What an adorable little apartment.

Reminds me of my family's Alpine chalet.

Bryn has lived everywhere. She's 13th in line for the throne of Denmark.

Oh, so you're Danish?

I love your pastries, and your really big dogs. They're great.

Don't mind my nanny.

The closest she's been to royalty is accidentally taking the subway to Queens.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

So my dad got us an advanced copy of The Sisterhood of Teen Paranormal Activity.

Or, I brought the DVD of Ingmar Knudsen's Cries of Ice and Pain.

Knudsen is Denmark's greatest living auteur.

You are so deep and European.

Oh!

It's in black and white and there's hardly any dialogue.

Watching it is like walking through a long, dark tunnel of sadness.

Wow, as fun as that sounds...

If I wanted to see Cries of Ice and Pain, I'd just watch Ravi try to figure skate again.

Ladies, here are your "Night at the Movies Strawberry Smoothies".

Uh, did you use organic strawberries and soy milk?

No. I wanted them to taste good.

(Laughs)

Sorry. I'm just not cool with drinking poison.

Uh...

Jessie, uh, maybe the girls would like some...

Strawberries from a small organic farm upstate.

Seriously? Go upstate for strawberries? Now?

Hello! Why do we have a helicopter?

Hello! I'm pretty sure not for airlifting in berries.

Jessie, please, my hostess rep is at stake.

How do you think it feels not having the right strawberries for the royal guest at my party?

I think you just defined "rich people problems".

(Yelling) Luke, what are you working on?

(Yelling) Homework!

(At normal volume) I must have blown an eardrum in the helicopter.

It sounded like you said you were working on homework.

I am. I finally get to do a report on something I know a lot about.

Your school's letting you write a paper on under-the-bed pizza box fungus?

I wish. My social studies class has a Multicultural Night where we have to do a report and presentation on a foreign land.

Listen.

"The planet Krypton's chief exports, include multicolored, poisonous rocks and Superman".

You can't do your report on Krypton.

Because it blew up?

Because it's imaginary.

Luke, if you need help researching other cultures, Zuri was born in Uganda and Ravi's from India.

Do you see what I'm getting at?

Yep. Once again, Emma's completely useless.

(School bell rings)

Hey, Emma! Over here!

Hey, guys. Why aren't we at our regular table?

I just think this one has better Feng Shui.

And Bryn should know. She lived in Hong Kong for a year.

Oh, cool. I'll just pull up a chair.

Oh, we were just leaving anyway.

But you stay and enjoy your charred animal flesh sandwich.

You mean my hamburger?

Rosie, here's your half.

Oh, sorry, I can't. I gave up meat.

Bryn says it's a healthier lifestyle.

Mmm-hmm.

It's cafeteria food. I'm pretty sure there's no real meat in it.

Come on, girls. We need to gather bark for our twig tea.

Sorry, Emma, I've got to go.

But maybe we can hang out later?

You can help sort my bark.

Sounds super fun.

Ow!

Ow!

We go to the right first now.

Bryn says that's how they do it in Europe.

(Mocking) "Bryn says that's how they do it in Europe".

Hey, Ravi, good news. I've decided to do my report on India.

Mostly because it's easier to spell than Uganda.

Excellent choice, brother. India is a fascinating land of beauty and mystery.

The jewel of the Near East.

That's a great opening for my paper.

If only I had five to 10 more pages of that.

Well, India gained its independence in 1947.

The population is approximately 1.2 billion.

Heh, I think I talked to all of them when my computer crashed.

(Laughing)

Doubtful.

Another fun fact, the capital city is New Delhi.

Can I ask a stupid question?

There are no stupid questions.

Is New Delhi where lunch meat comes from?

I stand corrected.

Uh... perhaps it would be faster if I typed.

I am so happy you are excited to learn about my Native culture.

Uh, yeah.

Me, too.

More fun facts. Did you know that...

Shh!

Less talk-y, more type-y.

Hey, Ravi.

Hey.

Ah! Finally finished.

Luke's report is a love-letter to my homeland.

All he has to do is hit "print".

How convenient for him.

Hey, Ravi, thanks again for writing...

Er, researching my report for me.

You are most welcome, brother.

(Yawns)

I am so tired I could sleep on a bed of nails.

You can learn all about that reference on page 3.

Oh, but guess what?

I also have to make a visual aid presentation for my project.

And... oh darn! I have sprained all of my fingers.

Really?

Well... I suppose I could aid you with your visual aid.

(Laughs)

Oh, great! Thanks, bro.

(Video game beeping)

What?

I didn't sprain my thumbs.

Mmm-hmm.

Emma: Jessie! How do you stop in roller skates?

Why?

That's why.

Okay... come...

Whoa...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey!

Okay, I know my first question should be, "are you hurt?" But I can't help asking...

Why?

Bryn says at her Swiss finishing school, they used to have Disco Days.

She convinced everyone it would be a fun tradition to start at Walden.

Why does Bryn get to call all the sh*ts?

I don't know.

Everybody really seems to like her so I'm just trying to go along with the group.

Give me a push.

Ready...

(Screaming)

(Crashing)

(Cat yowls)

Bertram, Emma made a mess in the living room!

Look out!

Sorry!

My bad!

Hey, why aren't you guys dressed for disco day?

Oh, we canceled it.

What? Why didn't you guys tell me?

I sent out an email. Didn't you get it?

Does it look like I got it?

You got my address wrong. It's sunshinehappyrainbowkitty dot Ross!

Oh, I forgot the dot. I'm supes sorry!

Frowny-face.

That was a totes phony frowny-face.

Emma, it was an honest mistake.

I'm not so sure about that.

And it kind of seems like you're starting to like Bryn better than me.

That's ridiculous! You're my best friend. I'm always here for you.

Bryn: Rosie?

Coming!

Whoa!

(All laughing)

(Sighs)

Wow, I've never seen you so down while looking at pictures of clothes.

I know. I guess I'm learning life isn't like a perfume ad.

No one rides a horse in a bikini, Gisele!

I take it disco day wasn't as funkadelic as you'd hoped?

I'm sure it's all in my head, but sometimes I feel like Bryn is trying to turn all my friends against me.

Isn't that stupid?

No. I've met her. She is trying to turn all your friends against you.

What? You're supposed to tell me I'm being paranoid.

You're not. The same thing happened to me when I was in high school.

You mean my high school experience is turning into yours?

In that case...

(Screaming)

Sounds like another successful Jessie pep talk.

Hey, I know what I'm talking about.

I had my own Bryn in high school.

Jenna Glowinkie tried to turn all my friends against me.

You had friends? Ugh, I owe Zuri 10 bucks.

Just for that, I'm not going to tell you what went down in the cafeteria.

October 19th, 2009.

A Meatloaf Monday that will live in infamy.

Here we go...

Jenna tricked me into wearing desert camouflage when everyone else was wearing jungle camo.

Who cares?

My point is, teenage girls will turn on you faster than a tuna fish sandwich on a hot Texas day.

Ooh... aren't you still a teenager?

Yeah. So watch your back.

I have to stop coming into this kitchen.

Ravi, I just earned 10 bucks from Bertram.

What are you doing?

Trying to finish up this traditional Indian kurta for Luke's presentation tonight.

Why isn't he making it himself?

Do you not know about Luke's horrible allergy to Indian fabric?

You mean the fabric he's gonna wear tonight?

The only thing Luke's allergic to is homework.

You been played, son.

Zuri! I am sure that is not true.

It is not Luke's fault that he has not done a single bit of work...

And now that I say it out loud, I realize I have been played.

Like Carrie Underwood on Country Countdown.

I cannot believe Luke has tricked me into doing his project!

Curse my endearing naivete!

Ooh, ooh! Let me tell Jessie!

I'll go put my tattling dress on.

No, do not tell Jessie.

I will take care of Luke.

Okay. But if you need any revenge ideas, I've got a binder.

Emma, aren't you going out?

Well, I texted Rosie, but she's busy exfoliating her grandma's back.

Makes me feel better about my life.

What about your other friends?

Daisy's organizing her socks and Lisa's BeDazzling her turtle.

And you guys are the popular girls?

Well hey, why don't you and I have a girls' night out? It'll be fun.

Okay. I guess it beats sitting at home and doing nothing.

That's exactly what my prom date said.

Ravi, are you sure this is what men wear in India?

Only on alternate Thursdays.

Now, remember, our national pastime is ostrich polo, and our primary export is bagel chips.

Wow. There's some wacky stuff going on in India.

At least we are not responsible for reality TV and bacon donuts.

Anyway, thanks for this sari you made me.

Oh, you have no idea how "sorry" I can make you.

Why do I have to be here?

Trust me, you're going to want to see this.

The Butler on Downton Abbey doesn't have to suffer through this stuff.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Or as they say in India, "boinkas" and "shurdy-gurdies".

I'd like to tell you about a country across the Vindaloo Sea.

A country named for its founder, Indiana Jones.

(All laughing)

"Indiana Jones". (Laughs)

I will now perform a traditional Indian dance...

The Mumbai Mambo.

(Indian music playing)

He deserves it. Do not feel guilty...

(Plays upbeat song)

Ravi, what are you doing?

Being the bigger, though physically smaller, brother.

Just follow me!

(All applauding)

That was the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

And I once walked in on you giving a doll an appendectomy.

That was ketchup, right?

Sure...

I'm wearing a girl dress, aren't I?

Yes. The lack of pants should have tipped you off.

See, Emma. Don't you feel better now that we're out?

We're gonna have a great night, and...

Uh-oh.

Emma: What?

Nothing! (Laughs nervously) Nothing.

What...

(Gasps)

Are those all my friends?

Not all of them. I'm here.

That probably doesn't help.

I can't believe they'd leave me out and lie to me!

Emma, I'm so sorry. High school can be tough, but trust me, it gets better.

It didn't for you!

I choose to believe that's your pain talking.

I'm so humiliated, let's go.

No way.

I ran away from my own mean girls in high school, and I've always regretted it.

What's she doing here?

Just ignore them.

I thought we agreed we weren't inviting Bossy Ross-y.

Let it roll off your back.

And why did she come with that old lady?

Is she doing community service?

Say what?

(All shushing)

Oh, it's just a trailer for a stupid m*rder mystery!

I read the book, and the poodle groomer did it.

There, saved you all 20 bucks! (All groaning)

Jessie, cut it out!

Look, ladies, I'm sure this is just some misunderstanding.

Bryn, I'm sure you would never be mean on purpose.

Jessie, can we please just go? It's no big deal, you can home school me.

Jessie: No way!

Eat corn, mean girl!

This blow out cost $200!

So did this popcorn.

(People clamoring)

(Bryn shrieking)

Girls, don't just sit there! Help me!

Can't I just be a conscientious objector?

No! This is my group now, not Emma's!

And you guys have to do what I say, or I'm cutting you out, just like I did her!

(All gasp)

I mean...

Have I mentioned I'm royalty adjacent?

Yes. Several times.

No one was talking to you!

Don't talk to Jessie that way!

I don't want to speak to either of you!

And you'll never be invited to my Scottish chalet.

I thought you said it was an Alpine chalet.

Uh...

We're a two chalet family?

I just searched online for "Bryn Breitbart plus royalty".

The only thing that came up was Al Breitbart, "Happy Tush" Toilet Paper King!

That's ridiculous!

All right, all right! So I'm a T.P. heiress from Yonkers. Big deal!

Happy Tush? That stuff is like sandpaper!

Your family's product is as hurtful and abrasive as you!

Well, not all of us can be popular because our parents are famous.

Bryn, people don't like me because of who my parents are.

They like me because I'm nice to people.

And if you agree to be nice back, then we can all be friends.

Oh, Emma, that's so sweet.

(In slow motion) No!

No!

Rosie, you took a cheese glob for me!

(Weakly) I know how much you like that blouse.

I'm so cold...

Yeah, you're under an AC vent.

Emma, I'm sorry I went with Bryn instead of you.

I was just dazzled by her... European-ness.

You've always been my best friend.

(Coughs)

Popcorn kernel.

Oh, Rosie, you're my best friend, too.

All: Aw...

I guess this story has a happy ending after all.

Hey, have a little respect, guys.

People are trying to watch a movie here.

Oh! Okay, okay...

Um... can I still get a refill on my popcorn?

I promise I'll keep it in the bucket this time.

And then the manager made us clean up our mess, banned us for life, and escorted us from the premises.

So now I can cross "being escorted from a premises" off my bucket list. (Chuckles)

Jessie, thanks again for standing up for me.

You're just an above average nanny, but a really great friend.

(Elevator dings)

Hey, Emma.

Hey, girls!

(Kissing noises)

Guess what?

My dad just sent me an advanced copy of The Thirsty Games!

(All shriek excitedly)

I cannot wait to see all those hot guys in 3-D!

I know! It shouldn't be called The Thirsty Games when it has so many six-packs in it. Am I right, ladies?

(All laugh excitedly)

(Zuri grunts)

Hey, wait a minute. So, the girls that turned on you have now turned back?

Jessie let it go, that was so five minutes ago.

That is just cold!

Aw, sweetie...

Wanna go prank call Jenna Glowinkie?

Who's Jenna?

She was my frienemy in high school.

October 19th, 2009.

Meatloaf Monday...

I would love to hear this but...

I have to go BeDazzle my turtle.

That is just cold.

Hey Ravi, guess what?

I'm doing a science report, and this time I wont be asking you for any help.

That is great brother, I'm glad you learned your lesson.

Oh, and what is your topic?

Asian water monitor lizards.

Aw, Mrs. Kipling will be so proud.

And Mrs. Kipling is writing it.

Ha! The joke is on Luke, you are typing it in Hindi.

Up top girlfriend.