02x17 - Somebunny's In Trouble

[bunniefuu]

Jessie, can I bring Lucy, our class bunny rabbit, home for the weekend?

Zuri! When it comes to responsibility, you don't have a great track record.

Remember when you promised to start flossing regularly?

I floss my teeth!

Really? At your last cleaning, there was so much blood, the dentist fainted.

He went down like a submarine.

Wow! That is some hyperactive homework.

Huh!

Hmm, that's interesting.

I don't remember packing you a bunny for lunch.

I might've already volunteered. Oops.

Zuri, the sewers are overflowing with all the fish you forgot to feed.

And I don't think we can flush a bunny. (Rabbit squeaks)

That won't happen this time, I promise!

Please, please, please!

Wow, three pleases, the puppy dog eyes, and a head tilt.

The begging trifecta!

I don't stand a chance, do I?

Nope. Give in or I'll close with a lip quiver...

And a single tear.

Fine. I give.

Next time I negotiate with you, I'm wearing a blindfold and headphones.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

See, I like flag football because it lacks the physical contact, that makes traditional football so perilous.

So you want to play with them?

Oh, dear Gods, no.

Ooh! That's Brett Summers.

Isn't he dreamy?

I am so crushing on him.

(Grunts)

(Screams)

And now he is crushing on you.

Sorry! My bad.

You okay, Emma?

Sure, spleens are overrated.

Anyway, great catch.

So, you like football?

Love it!

It's my third favorite thing that involves feet.

After shoes and pedicures.

Do you want to watch the game with me tomorrow?

Sure! Let's watch it in my screening room.

We have a 75-inch screen and free popcorn!

Sold! And I promise not to use you as a tackling dummy.

Even if you are the prettiest one I've ever clobbered.

(Giggling)

He thinks I'm pretty!

Compared to a tackling dummy.

Emma, you know less about sports than I do.

And I thought the Super Bowl was what Bertram ate soup out of.

Guess what, everyone?

I'm taking care of the class bunny this weekend.

Bunny? There's a bunny in the house?

Why do I feel like the crazy-train is about to pull into Bertramville?

I happen to have an intense rabbit phobia!

All aboard...

Once my mommy took me to the Mall to see The Easter Bunny.

And I sat on his moth-eaten suit and stared at his red, glowing eyes.

Then he made that horrible bunny face!

(Hissing)

(Snarling)

Long story short, I wet myself and The Easter Bunny.

Poor Bertram. How old were you?

Ahem. Fourteen.

Bertram, there's nothing to be afraid of.

See?

(Screaming)

And the crazy-train has left the station.

Can we please give Bertram the day off, so he doesn't embarrass me in front of Brett when we watch the game?

Considering you think the quarterback is the guy who makes change for the team, Bertram's pee stories are the least of your problems.

Hey, if you need advice about sports, why not ask Luke?

It may be the only time he can give you anything. Besides lice.

Luke, would you mind helping me learn about sports?

Let's see, would you mind calling me...

Lord Master of Awesomeness?

How about I stop calling you "Vomit Bag" and do your chores for three days?

Deal.

Hold the phone, we have chores?

Ravi, what you doing?

Failing to understand what you people find so cute about this creature.

It has no claws, no fangs, no thirst for blood.

Ravi, you may find this hard to believe, but most people prefer their pets not to be flesh-eating monsters.

I guess it takes all kinds.

You see, this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Zuri didn't fill up Lucy's food dish.

Zuri was irresponsible?

In other obvious news...

The sun rose this morning.

(Squeaking)

Seriously, how hard is it to take care of one little bunny?

Uh-oh.

Apparently, pretty hard.

Ravi, something totally horrible has happened!

The Earth slipped from its axis and we are hurtling toward cosmic doom!

(Screaming)

Worse. I lost a bunny!

Ah!

Hey, watch it!

I am the only small, adorable creature you have not lost yet!

Help me! I can't believe she's gone!

Who's gone? One of the girls?

Did Christina finally take my suggestion about boarding school?

Please, please, please...

No, Lucy escaped.

You mean there's a bloodthirsty, savage rodent running around the apartment?

No, I mean there's a cute, snuggly bunny running around the apartment.

Po-tay-toe, poh-tat-toe.

It's all fun and games, until someone is nuzzled to death in their sleep!

(Bawling)

(Football playing onscreen)

So, Emma, do you think the Jets will make the playoffs?

Good question.

Do I think the Jets will make the playoffs?

Emma: Um...

(Beeps)

Not if their quarterback can't figure out how to b*at a zone blimp.

You mean, "blitz".

Stupid auto-correct.

So, who do you think will make the playoffs?

Oh!

(Beeping)

Definitely the Green Bay Porkers.

Luke: Packers! Dang this phone!

Who's that?

(Chuckles)

Oh, hey, Brett.

Luke? What's going on?

Yeah, Luke, what is going on?

Really, Emma?

You wanna play that game?

Oh, okay.

Brett, the truth is...

I wanted you to like me, so I pretended to know a lot about sports.

I asked Luke to tell me what to say.

I can't believe you did that!

That's so cool!

No girl's ever done anything that nice for me before.

Touchdown, Jets! Yes!

Aw, man, I missed it!

Upper deck, bro!

Ow!

Dude, you gotta stay and watch the rest of the game with us.

Sweet, I'm in!

Luke, don't you think you're being a little rude?

(Scoffs) Right, where are my manners?

Brett, would you like anything to drink?

I could go for a root beer. Good idea!

Emma, two root beers.

And extra ice for my hand.

Lucy.

Lucy!

Who's a good bunny?

Well, she is not in here.

Zuri: Jessie!

(Screaming)

Ahem! Hey, Zuri.

Have you seen Lucy?

I can't keep track of all your little friends.

Lucy! Short, furry, poops on the floor?

Hmm. Could you be more specific?

I must've left the cage open, and she escaped.

I am so irresponsible!

No, no. You didn't lose Lucy.

You're doing a great job.

I took Lucy...

To the bunny groomers.

Why? She wasn't dirty.

True.

But... I had a coupon.

Which was about to expire.

Yes, that's it.

Are you sure you don't mind playing a board game instead of watching football?

No. I'm sure I'll love playing...

Chick Chat.

It's my favorite!

You get to share secrets, earn good-hair-day points, and everybody wins.

So really, it's a lot like football.

Right. Only without the sports. Or fun.

(Phone beeps)

(Laughing)

Who's that?

No one. Um, can I go first?

Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six.

(Gasps)

Oh no, you landed on a Nothing-to-Wear Square!

Now you have to go back two spaces and buy a date outfit.

You mean like new sneakers?

(Gasps)

Sneakers on a date?

I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

Sorry. I guess I'm better at games where I get to hit or tackle someone.

Well, if you draw a hissy fit card, you get to slap the person to your left!

(Phone beeps)

Hey, uh, sorry, Emma, but I'm actually gonna have to split.

I have to, uh, study.

But I thought we were going to go see that Rom-Com.

The Really Attractive Woman Who's Single for No Reason.

I would love to, but my studies come first.

You know how much athletes care about education.

Can't you go see the movie with one of your friends?

I guess so.

Great!

(Gasps)

He deleted his texts?

Why would he do that?

Something's going on.

Um...

Here's your jacket, which has an unbelievable amount of pockets by the way.

Have fun studying.

What? Oh, right.

Uh, learning rocks!

Have fun at your movie!

(Elevator bell dings)

What's wrong, Emma?

Did you land on a nothing-to-wear-square?

No, I think Brett might be cheating on me.

Look, I found this phone number in his pocket.

I bet it's from a girl!

Emma, do not jump to conclusions. Okay?

One time I thought a guy was cheating on me because, he always smelled like perfume, and had lipstick on his collar.

And was he?

Yes.

You know what, that was a bad example.

Anyway, does it make you feel better?

Well, it certainly makes me feel worse for you.

Don't you move, you little rodent.

Whoa! Back off, old lady!

Not you! Look!

Come here!

Ah!

One rabbit's foot may be good luck, but four of them are kicking my butt.

♪ My chili is perfect.
♪ Never is runny.
♪ Needs chili powder.

Ah! It's a bunny!

(Yelping)

Get off me! Get off me! No! Aah!

You found Lucy?

She att*cked me!

I managed to fight her off and she went up the back stairs.

I think I was nibbled pretty bad.

Bertram, I'd help you find a support group but...

I'm pretty sure no one else on Earth has this problem.

Emma? I thought you went to some chick flick.

I did, but I left early.

I don't want to watch some girl get the guy when I'm losing mine.

Brett's cheating on me!

Oh, that's terrible! And after you gave him the best 48 hours of your life.

You know what, I think you should have a night out on the town anyway.

Because I shouldn't let some silly boy get me down?

Because it means more chili for me.

You know what? I'm not going to just sit here and be upset.

I'm going to call this other woman and find out who she is.

Again, only interested in your problem inasmuch as it pertains to chili.

(Phone ringing)

(Football playing onscreen)

(Both giggling)

Hey, Emma. How's the movie?

Well, there's a lot more heartbreak and betrayal than I was expecting!

Emma, I swear, it's not what it looks like.

Good. Because it looks like my new boyfriend lied to me about having to study so he could watch football with my brother!

Well, then I guess it is what it looks like.

Dude, FYI, awesome ring tone.

Thanks, man.

You get me.

Luke, are you wearing Brett's jersey?

I got cold.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Jessie!

Ravi, uh, how long have you been standing there?

Do not worry. I did not see you put that $5 bill in your boot.

But I have dire news.

It can wait. We have to find Lucy!

I am afraid Mrs. Kipling b*at us to it.

I found what was left of Lucy in Mrs. Kipling's cage.

(Gasps)

No!

No!

Jessie, what's the matter?

It... it just occurred to me that I...

Should've gone to college.

What's that ball of fluff you've got in your hand?

Ravi's belly button lint.

I have a very deep innie.

Oh.

I can't believe Mrs. Kipling ate Lucy for lunch!

Technically, it was more tea time.

Who cares what time it was?

The point is Zuri's class pet is halfway down a giant lizard's colon!

Technically, it would only be in her...

Correct me again at your own risk!

Got it.

Stomach.

What am I going to do?

I gave Zuri this big speech about being responsible.

And now, because of me, Lucy hippity-hopped into the light.

Here is a wacky idea. You could tell Zuri the truth.

I can't do that!

Because it would break her heart?

Because she would break my legs!

Remember what Zuri did to that kid in the park who lost her doll?

I have never seen someone picked up by their nostrils before.

It was a snot-filled horror.

Oh. This is all my fault.

Wait! I have an idea.

Oh, I cannot wait to hear your great idea.

All I need are some cotton balls, animal safe dye, and a new rabbit!

And I continue to wait.

Brett, if you wanted to watch the game with Luke, why didn't you just tell me?

I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Well, it's too late for that!

Emma, I really think...

Luke, I can't believe you did this to me.

No, don't blame him.

I knew you wanted to see that movie, but I really wanted to watch the game with Luke.

It's my fault. I was weak!

So weak.

I just can't look at you right now.

Enough! This is all my fault!

No, Luke, don't blame yourself!

Please, Brett, I feel cheap enough as it is.

I'm sorry, Emma.

There's only one thing to do.

Brett...

I don't think we should see each other anymore.

Have I cherished our time together?

Yes. But it's over.

Luke, no!

We'll always have the Jets game.

Luke, don't be rash!

I said!

It's over!

What the heck just happened here?

I made a mistake.

I should have never come between you and your boyfriend.

Can you forgive me?

I guess so.

And the truth is, Brett and I really don't have that much in common.

And I think he was only pretending to like Chick Chat.

Emma! Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Yeah, I'm going to break up with him.

He's all yours.

(Gasps) Yes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Brett! Come back! The Rangers game is on in twenty minutes!

Okay, this is gonna work.

How can you be sure?

Because I got nothing else.

There, they could be twins.

Zuri will never know the difference.

Hey, what happened to Lucy?

Guard your nostrils.

What, Zuri, what do you mean?

Nothing happened to good old Lucy.

Which is this little gal right here.

Lucy, the bunny.

She looks different.

And her nose is twitching a lot slower.

No, it's not. (Chuckles)

Jessie?

Hmm?

Why are you twitching her nose?

It's just a little game we play, see?

Fun!

Okay, I think Lucy and I will just head upstairs.

And not because you're freaking me out at all.

You can stop playing with my nose now.

Sorry. See, I told you she'd believe that's her bunny!

This is not my bunny.

What makes you think that?

Her spots are coming off, and she smells like mom after a hair appointment.

Because, I gave Lucy some low lights.

It really minimizes those ears.

Where is Lucy?

Okay, the truth is...

I lost Lucy.

(Gasps) What?

Please tell me that's just the name of an old TV show.

(Bertram screaming)

Bertram: The horror!

The horror!

Both: Lucy!

Here, take this.

(Screaming)

Bertram, calm yourself, man!

Even I am embarrassed for you, and I am afraid of safety pins.

Really?

There is nothing safe about them!

Look... look what that monster left in the dumbwaiter!

(All gasp)

Wow! Where did all these bunnies come from?

Uh, that conversation is above my pay grade.

Oh, well, that explains why no matter how many times I fed her...

Lucy's bowl was always empty.

She was eating for...

14, 15, 16!

Yuck, make that 17.

That's just nasty!

(Sighs)

But the good news is, Lucy is not dead after all.

Say what now?

That piece of fluff I found in Mrs. Kipling's cage, must have come from Emma's faux fur jacket!

What?

Uh-oh, someone drew a hissy fit card.

This innie is outtie!

(Ravi screaming)

Zuri, I'm really sorry I doubted you.

You are an incredibly responsible young lady.

Thanks, Jessie.

Try to remember that when you go to that meeting with my teacher tomorrow.

What meeting?

(Whispers) We'll talk.

I can't wait for baseball season!

(Football playing onscreen)

My dad has Yankees season tickets.

Wait! You're a Yankees fan?

Of course! If you live in New York, you're a Yankees fan.

Unless you're a Mets fan!

Ugh! How do you sleep at night?

In my Yankees jammies, on my Yankees sheets, under my 27 Yankees World Series pennants!

Which I believe is twenty-five more than your team has.

How dare you! This is over!

Oh, I'm afraid it is.

And Brett...

Yeah, Luke?

Leave the pizza bites.

Gladly.

Bertram, throw out everything Brett touched.

Great. So, that includes you and Emma. (Laughs)

Yes!