03x01 - Ghost Bummers

[bunniefuu]

Oh. Come to the roof tomorrow for a ghoulish Halloween party from 8:00 P.M. until your doom!

[Chuckles]

Or until the taco bar runs out.

[Elevator bell dings] Oh.

Ugh!

Oh, Mrs. Chesterfield, I bet you throw a great Halloween party.

People are afraid of you every day of the year.

This party is for paying tenants only, and you, poor squatter, are not one.

Maybe. But Jessie uses the day spa more than anyone else in this building!

And she's always doing laps in the pool.

Come to think of it, when do you actually nanny?

Pint-sized reprobates aren't invited either.

Hey, we're not reprobates!

Are we?

You are. But I am offended!

Halloween is for kids.

You seriously aren't inviting them to your party?

Short answer, no.

Long answer, no-no.

Well, my short answer is, we don't want to go anyway.

And my long answer is...

[Blows raspberry]

It sounded better in my head.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie. ♪
♪ My whole world is changing. Turning around. ♪
♪ They got me going crazy. Yeah, they're shaking the ground. ♪
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town. ♪
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ Hey Jessie. ♪
♪ It feels like a party every day. ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie. ♪

[Music]

Oh, Zeusy, you look so adorable.

I just want to carve you up and bake you in a pie.

[Laughs]

Ugh, I thought I felt an evil presence permeating the roof.

Turns out it was you and your loathsome litter.

The only thing permeating the roof is your perfume.

[Sniffs] What's that scent? Eau de wrinkle cream and the tears of your fifth husband?

[Clears throat]

But I digress.

We just came up to let you know that we're having our own Halloween party.

Oh.

And sadly, you are not invited.

I don't care.

Zeusy, show them what we think about their lame invitation.

[Whines]

[Growling]

Anyway...

I love all your spooky decorations, Mrs. C.

The gloomy decor really matches your personality.

Oh, well, I can't take all the credit.

The whole building has a creepy history.

It was constructed in 1913 by the notorious Tobin Castevet.

Legend has it he did horrible things...

Like summoning evil spirits...

And wearing white after Labor Day.

[Gasps]

How do you know so much about this architect from 100 years ago?

She probably dated him in college.

[Hisses]

Kids, come help me decorate!

LeBron James is here!

LeBron, sign my forehead!

Ah, man!

That's the third time today.

Whoa. Jessie, who are you dressed as? Babe-zilla?

I'm not babe-zilla.

Well, I kinda am. [Chuckles]

But I'm also Marilyn Monroe.

Who are you dressed as?

Professional snowboarder, Shaun Smith.

He was the first person to attempt four consecutive 360's.

What's with the broken arm?

I said he "attempted" it.

Ravi, who are you supposed to be?

Luke, you know how I always say you are no Einstein?

What's that got to do with your costume?

I am so glad we do not swim in the same gene pool.

Keep it down! I'm hibernatin' here!

Zuri, you dressed up as Chubby the Bear?

That's so lame.

It's not lame. Chubby's good people.

He's my friend, he's always there for me.

And he single-handedly negotiated peace between the U.S. and Canada.

The U.S. and Canada were never at w*r.

I believe the words you're looking for are, "thank you, Chubby".

Or as they say in French Canada, "merci, Chubbee".

Wow, Emma, cool fortune teller costume.

I predict you'll win my costume contest!

I'm not going to your kiddie party.

I'm going to crash Chesterfield's cool adult party.

But you're not an adult.

I know. That's why I'm wearing a ton of lipstick, and stuffed my bra.

Well, I hope you used the tissues with aloe in them.

You don't want to chafe!

Ugh, who does Jessie think these decorations are going to scare?

[Screams]

Well, touche.

[Chuckles]

[Evil chuckle]

Now, that looks like a real ghost.

[Evil chuckle]

[Screams]

[Bertram whimpers]

Bertram, what happened...

To my laundry?

[Stutters] A ghost att*cked me!

It was a scary blob with a hideous smile.

Are you sure it wasn't just you looking in the mirror?

Mrs. Chesterfield said The Architect of the building could summon spirits.

Maybe Bertram did see a ghost!

There's no maybe about it! How else do you explain this goop?

We're ten feet away from Kipling's cage and Luke's bathroom.

Frankly, I'd be shocked if there wasn't goop.

[Chuckles]

[Music]

Jessie: Happy Halloween.

[Upbeat music playing]

Great party, Jessie.

I'm sure it's better than Mrs. Chesterfield's.

Aw, thank you, Zuri.

But it's about having fun, not who throws the better party.

Then why did you put up this banner that says...

_. [Zuri reading]

Oh, go stick your paw in a bee hive.

Psst! Jessie.

You must come look at this.

I discovered something very creepy about our building!

Ravi, the creepiest thing about this building is a boy whose best friend is a lizard.

[Sighs]

After Bertram's ghost sighting, I did some research and found an article that says Tobin Castevet constructed this building to be a portal to the spirit world!

It's hard to take you seriously with that mustache.

[Chuckles] You look like Super Mario's retired grandfather.

Jessie, this is serious.

Ravi, relax. There's no way that...

"In one 100 years, a door between worlds will open, bringing forth an evil spirit named Zorag, who will destroy the world".

But, Jessie, tonight is exactly one 100 years!

And I analyzed the sample of the goo found on Bertram.

It is a ghostly ectoplasm not of this world.

[Stutters] Well, how do you know that?

I used a microscope, my chemistry set, and...

I tasted it.

In related news, my poop is now glowing.

Actually, I have a lot in common with Dracula.

He drains peoples' blood, I drain husbands' bank accounts.

[Laughs]

[Growls]

Hi, Zeus! Okay. What's it gonna take to get into this party?

A juicy bone?

[Growls]

A juicy bone and a belly scratch?

[Fierce growling]

[Screams]

Oh, hey, Emma. Nice bedhead.

Did you fall asleep at Mrs. Chesterfield's boring adult party?

[With distorted voice]

I am the Doorkeeper.

Are you the Codemaster?

No. I'm Marilyn Monroe.

See a movie without Twilight in the title.

And why are your eyes so red? Has Luke been farting on your pillow again?

[Snarling]

Okay.

BTW, if you gargle with salt water, it'll clear that throat thing right up!

[Screaming]

Bertram, what's wrong? If you b*rned the pumpkin bread, so help me...

[Stammers] There are ghosts in the kitchen!

Ghosts! [Sobs]

Oh, Bertram, you'd do anything not to cook!

[Drawers slamming]

Okay.

Granted this is a bit weird, but I still say there's no such thing as ghosts.

[Growling]

[Snarling] [Gasps]

Bertram, there's a goblin gobbling our Gelato.

[Both screaming]

[Growling]

Oh, hey, Mrs. Kipling.

Wow, your eyes are really red.

I don't remember farting on your pillow.

[Growling]

[Screams]

You are all in danger! There are ghosts in the building!

[Cheering]

What? No, no. This is real.

This is not some Halloween prank!

I am Zorag The Destroyer!

Tonight you meet your doom!

See!

You're the worst!

Don't say me and the angry green fire-head didn't warn you!

Guys! Guys! People. Bear.

There are real ghosts in the penthouse!

Yeah, right.

If there are actual ghosts in this place, I'll eat my own underwear.

[Chuckling]

Well, I don't want to eat my own underwear now!

I don't know what to do. I gotta call someone.

About ghosts? Who you gonna call?

I have absolutely no idea!

We have to get Luke and Emma and get out of the building!

Oh, thanks a lot, Ravi.

Oh, Bertram, I was just about to say you, too.

[Mimics in gibberish]

Save it. I'm outtie.

Ravi, could the ghosts be why Emma had red eyes, and called herself the "Doorkeeper"?

[Gasps] Yes! The "Doorkeeper" is part of the legend of Zorag.

Two possessed people, the Doorkeeper and the Codemaster, will come together and use an ancient code to summon the demon Zorag!

Wait, so if Emma is the Doorkeeper, then that means, she's possessed!

We've got to find her!

And most importantly, we must keep her from meeting the Codemaster, whoever it is.

I am the Doorkeeper.

I am the Codemaster.

And we are in deep doo-doo.

Don't worry. I know what to do.

Stop being possessed!

[Both growling]

[Zuri shrieks]

Or continue to be possessed.

Whatever. It's your call.

Come, Codemaster.

The hour is upon us to ascend to the roof.

We must open the portal for Zorag's return.

No! No!

If you release an evil ghost-demon thingee, you are so grounded, young lady!

[Screams]

Ugh, I hope Zorag enslaves all you nitwits.

[Music]

Now what do we do?

Perhaps I can reverse the polarity of the ectoplasm I collected earlier to get rid of the evil spirits.

Great plan! Right, Zuri?

Meh.

Yep. We're feeling good about this.

What are you looking at?

Yuck!

Have you two come to gloat because everyone bailed on my party for your special-effects extravaganza?

I am the Doorkeeper.

I am the Codemaster.

I have no idea what that means.

You kids today, with your slang and your rap music.

Both: Prepare for the arrival of Zorag.

There's no Zorag on my guest list.

[Hissing]

Oh, well, we have had few cancellations.

Well, you just tell good old Zorag to swing on by.

Ravi: Looking good.

Even though you made this goo from that nasty ghost slime, and it smells like something a dog threw up, ate, then threw up again.

I can't help but wonder what it tastes like.

Zuri, do not ingest this unless you want level 20 tummy troubles.

Okay.

Ravi, did you reverse the popularity on the goo?

It is polarity, not popularity.

Yeah. Ravi doesn't know anything about popularity.

By altering the negative ionic interactions of the ectoplasm, I hope to achieve a positive metaphysical reversal.

We spray good goo, ghosts go bye-bye.

What are these overalls for?

Oh, we're wearing them.

I rented these costumes.

So, even if the world is ending, I'm getting my deposit back.

Ow!

[Gasps]

What are they doing to that middle gargoyle?

Zuri. That's not a gargoyle.

It's Mrs. Chesterfield.

But, honest mistake.

We've all been there.

Oh, you irksome urchins are out of control!

Nobody puts Rhoda in a corner!

[Muffled shouting]

Wow, I've got to get possessed Luke and Emma to teach me that trick.

The time has come to open the door.

Jessie! We must stop them before they use the code to connect our world to the spirit realm and let Zorag through.

[Hissing]

I have a sneaking suspicion that was the code.

Code or no code, let's blast them!

[Muffled shrieking]

[Growls]

[Screams]

[Muffled shouting]

Jessie: Luke! Emma!

Ravi, you said this foam would just unpossess them, not hurt them.

Well, I was trying to save the world.

I am sorry I did not have time for proper FDA testing!

No. No, they're just sleeping.

Okay. They're gonna be okay.

Swell, but what about us?

Luke and Emma did the code.

Doesn't that mean Zorag is coming?

Guess that answers my question.

[Muffled shouting]

[Laughs manically]

[Thunder rumbling]

Mrs. Chesterfield?

[In deep voice] I am Zorag The Destroyer!

The time has come to meet your doom!

[Laughs]

[Grunting]

Tony! Tony! Unlock the door!

[Laughing]

I'm not afraid of you anymore.

[Shrieks]

[Laughs]

[Whimpers]

Foolish mortals!

I am Zorag The Destroyer!

You dare stand in my way?

Ah!

[Zuri screams]

Oh, you bet we dare!

Ravi, stand in her way.

Me? Why not you? After all, demons are a girl's best friend.

Enough with the jibber-jabber!

Let's light her up!

[Laughs]

Can't catch me. Point, Zorag!

Prepare to die!

Jessie! Fire up the helicopter!

If the world's coming to an end, I want to be in Barbados!

Ooh!

Whoa!

Get off me, mortal!

Ooh, Rhoda.

Loving this new look.

And that Kathleen Turner voice.

[Purrs]

[Screams]

Get her!

What about Bertram? Collateral damage!

No!

No!

No!

It's cold!

[Laughs]

[Screams]

Guys, we did it!

And best of all, I got to cover people with goo!

Not me.

Way to go, Einstein.

So when Zorag was trapped under Bertram, we blasted them both with Ravi's ghost-be-gone goo.

Then all the ghosts were sucked back to where they came from.

So, long story short, we saved the world!

No big whoop.

Well, Bessie...

Jessie.

After hearing how you, zubi...

Zuri.

And rover...

Ravi.

Were so brave, to face off against all those scary, evil spirits, I think we can all agree, the cooler party is on the roof!

Everyone, follow me!

[Elevator bell dings]

Jessie: What?

Traitors!

Oh, well, if you can't b*at 'em, join 'em.

Oh. Mmm. Ooh. Yes. Awkward.

[Clears throat] I'd really like to invite you, Barbara...

Barbara? That's not even close.

But, you're still not on the guest list.

I could be. You don't even know my name!

Wow, she was less evil when she was Zorag.

So, what was I like when I was possessed?

Really creepy.

Your breath smelled like death.

And you almost destroyed the world.

So, pretty much the way you are now.

All right. Let's just forget all that and have fun in our haunted house.

We have bobbing for skulls, pin the tail on the Werewolf, that angry green fire-head...

[Rumbling]

[Gasps]

This isn't over!

[All screaming]

[Screams]

Whoa. Guys, I just had the craziest dream.

Chesterfield and I had competing Halloween parties, Emma and Luke summoned a Demon...

And there was a goblin in the freezer.

At least it wasn't Bertram's leftover lasagna.

Either way your colon would be haunted.

Actually Halloween was great fun.

Until you raided our candy stash, and stuffed your face until you passed out.

Oh...

Sorry. Sorry guys, I guess that explains the nightmares.

You ate our candy...

Your nightmare's just beginning.

[Jessie screams]

Oh! Ow! Oh...

Ow!

I fell on my scooter bar.