07x03 - Cooked

[bunniefuu]

Howard?

Hi. Uh, love your coasters.

Big fan of Lincoln.

It's George Bernard Shaw.

Big anti-Semite.

What are you doing here, Howard?

(Chuckles)

Need a lawyer.

Grace (laughing): Oh, my God, I was such a cow.

Oh, well, don't worry, dear.

Most babies are unattractive.

Oh, Jackie.

Grace: Grandma's helping me pick out family photos for Dad's campaign ad.

Oh, you look so stern in these pictures, Alicia.

Grace: Uh, there's a Mr. Lyman in the living room.

He said he knew you.

And Lucca Quinn called. She said they need you in bond court in an hour.

Okay, thanks.

Why do you need a lawyer, Howard?

They're pushing me out.

Cary, that little gerbil, told me to take emeritus status.

Can you imagine that? Me? Huh?

My billings are up double digits.

Well, not you; your associates.

I'm a partner, I'm adding va...

Whose side are you on, anyway?

My guess is, they're pushing you out because of performance.

You don't do anything, Howard.

Look... you know why I'm here.

You want to get back at Lockhart/Agos for f*ring you; I want to bring an ageism suit.

We can help each other out.

Howard... let me give you some advice.

We on the meter?

No, this is free.

You can't bring an ageism suit if you quit.

You have to be fired.

And you can't let them fire you for cause.

So what do I do?

Work harder.

Bring more money to the firm, and they won't have a rationale to fire you.

Lay the groundwork. Keep a journal of every incident of ageism you encounter.

With details... who said or did what.

And don't give them cause to fire you.

I have to go to bond court.

(Elevator bell dings)

Oh.

Oh.

Madame.

Did you used to sing?

Excuse me?

Sing.

You look like someone I used to know at the Civic Opera House.

Uh, no.

You do have the face of an opera singer.

(Scoffs)

You are a flirt.

My best quality.

(Cell phone rings)

Just a second.

Hello. Who is this, please?

It's Eli. Why are you talking like that?

Uh, talking like what, Mr. Gold?

Like you're... Nothing.

Where are you, Jackie? I need these photos right now.

I'm coming directly, Mr. Gold.

Eli, we started.

Started? It's 10:20.

Ruth: Yeah.

The meeting was at 10:00.

Yes, oddly I was told the meeting began at 10:30.

Ruth: Hillary uses Iowa to shore up her base, and we use it to stake out ground to her right.

Hillary will run the table, and we'll be the only vice presidential option who can pull in the middle.

Which is why our theme of the week needs a center-right tilt.

"Family first."

Show the Florricks as a family who had their troubles but stuck together, came out stronger.

We'll be talking to the Iowa Commission on Family, Catholic Charities...

And of course we'll need Alicia to play ball.

Oh, Ruth, I already gave you Mrs. Florrick's schedule.

Right, six days over the next two months.

Mm-hmm.

Carl, we'll talk about this later.

Uh, I just want to know, why is she controlling the governor's agenda?

Why are we dancing to her tune?

Ruth: No one is dancing to anyone's tune.

Alicia has a job, she has responsibilities.

Right, responsibilities, like defending murderers and deadbeat dads.

Carl, that's enough.

I'm sure Eli's already talked to Alicia about all this.

Carl: Have you, Eli?

Have I talked to her about defending murderers or how many days she's giving the campaign?

How many days...

I want to hear from Ruth.

I'm sure she can talk for herself.

We need more days, Eli.

Twice as many.

I want you to stay here, Eli.

Run Alicia's rehabilitation from right here.

From where? You have my office.

Your new office.

Oh, yeah, just a sec.

How nice.

A little tight; we're looking for something bigger.

But I know it's all about the work for you.

You can't harass me out of my job.

(Chuckles)

Now, why would I want to do that?

It'll be much more fun watching you come into the office every day.

Oh, and we need Mrs. Florrick to appear on Mama's Homespun Cooking.

I'm sorry, what?

Mama's Homespun Cooking.

It's a cooking show.

Daughters learn recipes from their moms.

You want Alicia and Veronica to do a cooking show?

Yeah, "family first," "traditional values."

Generational post-feminist respect.

Hillary with the chocolate chip cookies.

Yes, yes.

Hillary with the chocolate chip cookies.

And what if I said Alicia and Veronica would never do that?

Then I would ask you to be a professional and convince them.

Sure.

Congratulations, gentlemen, you may think you're poor, but you are not poor enough to have a public defender.

So we have three bar attorneys here for you today.

If you want to find your own attorney, you will have to wait until tonight after the bond hearing, which of course will push your hearing till tomorrow, but still it's up to you.

Do you understand?

Bully.

Next, male 26... uh, where are you?

Let's get 12 more before lunch.

Your Honor, this is Mr. Howard's fifth arrest...

Exactly, which is why we ask that...

Four times he has received bail, and all four times he has shown up for his scheduled court appearance.

Bully for him... he may be a thief but he's a prompt thief.

Your Honor...

Bail is set at $30,000.

Male 27, criminal damage to property.

Interesting strategy.

Thanks.

Male 28, manufacture and distribution of a controlled substance.

Uh, Mr. Roland... "Hah-lavin"?

"Lavin," uh, it's okay... everyone gets it wrong.

Oh, sorry, Mr. Hlavin, I'm Alicia Florrick.

I'm a bar attorney made available to you by the Chicago Bar Association for your convenience.

You're not required to hire me...

Uh, I know this. The judge already said all this.

So, uh, I want you.

Good, thank you.

Okay, this is your CBR; it's how I get paid.

My fee is standard $135 for the first day...

Look, I used to work at the Tower of Terror in Disneyland, so I had to say the same thing over and over again for months.

I'm very sympathetic to people who have to say something by rote.

Um, I'll just sign it.

Okay, great. Are you currently employed?

I was currently employed, and then they arrested me, so now I'm not.

Any ties to the community?

Um, all my friends are in California.

Stanford, class of 2011.

They built tech start-ups, I came here, Okay, I don't need...

I opened a chemistry lab, because I love chemistry, you know?

I love dr*gs. I don't...

I mean, I don't love using dr*gs...

Okay, Mr. Hlavin, unfortunately we don't have a lot of time.

You were arrested with someone.

Yeah, my dealer.

I mean, not my dealer.

He's the dealer who sold my GHB...

Schakowsky: Male 28 and 29, intent to manufacture and sell.

Alicia: Okay, let me talk for you; don't say anything.

That might be hard.

I know, but try.

Attorney: Your Honor, Mr. Roland Hlavin was caught manufacturing GHB with the intent to sell, and Mr. Pierre-Paul was caught selling it.

Your Honor, the state has seized over $2 million of my client's money.

He has been impoverished by the state's actions.

As has my client, Your Honor.

And now they want to imprison him with this onerous bail amount.

This is the definition of cruel and unusual...

Schakowsky: Really? Cruel and unusual? Before lunch?

Your Honor, my client just wants his day in court.

State requests that bail be tied to the street value of narcotic seized.

Approved. Bail is set at $300,000 each.

Enjoy.

I have an offer.

For both of us?

No, one of you.

This case matters to the state's attorney.

He's offering an exploding plea.

Oh, come on.

We're not turning on each other.

Yeah, we're a united front.

One year to whoever jumps first.

The other gets 25.

Deal explodes in 45 minutes.

Starting now.

One year, Roland, that's the offer.

If you don't take it, your dealer friend will.

He will go to the prosecution and tell them everything he knows about you.

Every transaction, how much you sold.

How much you bought, how much you paid.

He'll turn on you.

You have to take this deal.

And we only have 40 minutes.

Yeah, but that means going to jail, right?

Yes, but...

It's one year versus 25.

This is a lifeline.

What happened to my "day in court"?

That was just a strategy to get you out on bail.

But I think I want it, though.

Roland.

You were caught selling 50-gallon drums of GHB.

Six of them...

No.

Yes, six.

No, uh...

All right, look.

After Stanford, I came back here.

I got a job at IBM, but my brother, he OD'd on GHB at a company party so I quit.

Now, GHB gives the user a feeling of euphoria, but take it in combination with alcohol and you stop breathing.

Roland, we don't have much time.

I thought I could make it safer.

I felt like I owed that to my brother.

So I did.

This is GHB.

This is what I made.

I call it "Snowball Chi," it's a designer drug.

Your body turns it into GHB on contact with stomach acid, but when you take it or when I sell it...

It isn't GHB.

It isn't illegal.

Damn it. I'll be right back.

Don't make the deal.

What deal?

They weren't selling GHB... it's a synthetic.

It's not on the controlled substances list.

So? They'll say it's an analogue.

It's still illegal.

They'll say it's substantially similar.

Not in chemical structure.

They're just trying to get us to jump because they know it's not a listed drug... don't make the deal.

I did.

I already did.

You just sent your client to jail for no reason.

Grace, hi, I need you to call Jason, get him on an hourly.

Tell him I need an expert witness on synthetic dr*gs.

Okay, "synthetic dr*gs."

Right. Which case is this?

Roland Hlavin; There's a silent H before "lavin."

Oh, and I need a friend or someone who can testify for him.

Get me any background.

This is a paying customer?

Well, not yet.

But he may be getting $2 million back from the police.

Oh.

Uh, got to go, Grace. I'll call you back.

So, this is where you work these days?

Eli, I have allocution in a minute.

Can we do this another time?

Do what?

Whatever it is you're here to do.

Have you heard of Mama's Homespun Cooking?

Do I...? What?

Mama's Homespun Cooking. It's a cooking show.

I need you go on it with Veronica tomorrow live.

I know, that's what I thought, too, at first.

Okay, Eli. I'm a little too busy to deal with just random words spouting out of your mouth.

Here's the thing... you can be yourself.

I want you to be yourself.

On a cooking show?

With my mother?

Yes.

It'll be fun. We'll have fun.

And more importantly, you say yes to this, you can say no to a dozen other things.

Why can't I say no to a dozen other things now?

Because you want to steer events.

You don't want events to steer you.

(Cell phone rings)

Yes, this is Alicia Florrick. Who is this?

Hi, it's Howard.

Howard, I can't help you right now.

(Stammers)

I just need something fast.

Howard, I don't have the time.

I need Jackie's number.

You...?

Jackie Florrick.

Why?

I want to ask her out.

Mr. Hav-lavin, on the charge of manufacturing a controlled substance, how do you plead?

Where's your lawyer?

Here, Your Honor.

And why aren't you here?

I am now, Judge.

Mr. Hlavin pleads not guilty.

Ah, okay.

And Mr. Pierre-Paul, you are charged with just one count of distribution.

How do you plead?

Counselor, are we having a moment of reflection here?

Lucca?

(Whispers): Don't take the plea.

Uh, not guilty?

Attorney: Your Honor, I...

The defendant reversed herself.

We, we had a deal.

Well, first of all, the defendant is a he.

And second of all, that deal has nothing to do with this court, Mr. McGrath.

If she says yes to you, she can change her mind.

We are set for pre-trial motions this afternoon.

I imagine you're moving to dismiss, Counselors?

Both: Yes, Your Honor.

Bully, we're done here.

Lunch.

You screw me like that and I will screw you back.

Have at it.

Okay, I just made an enemy I don't need.

This better work.

No one reaches the summit on her own.

Women help women.

I've mentored exceptional women.

Alicia Florrick was one of them.

But now that she's running her own firm, I would like to mentor someone new.

And I'd like it to be you.

Naomi, your work is very good, very diligent.

And I think your legal opinions are sometimes bold.

Never pays to be conservative.

Thank you.

So, I'd like to meet once a week or so and talk about strategies for advancement.

Will it mean more hours?

No.

I only ask because I'm not sure I can squeeze it all in.

I have a boyfriend now.

We met online.

(Clears her throat)

You understand this is an honor?

Yes, completely.

And thank you. It's just...

Ryan's on the fast track at Belvedere and we're trying to keep some time for each other.

I'm worried about my last relationship.

I was so focused on my career and where that was headed that I completely cut out any romantic ties in my life.

And now it's been about three years since I even went on a date And then I met Ryan online and that was really exciting for me.

And he has most beautiful hair.

Do these new summer interns seem less committed to you?

Cary: No. Do they to you?

Yes.

Well, I think every outgoing generation of lawyers looks at the incoming crop and thinks they're not worthy.

Yes.

But this generation isn't.

They're worried about their boyfriends and their long workdays.

They're looking for more balance in their lives.

More leisure time. That's a good thing.

Let's get the equity partners together today.

Okay, why?

To talk about Alicia.

Man: Like GHB, tert-Butyl 4-hydroxybutanoate contains a gammahydroxycarbonyl moiety.

But that's the only similarity.

The change in the chemical design is really quite elegant when you look at it.

Thank you.

Schakowsky: No, no, sir, this is not your courtroom; it's mine.

Our apologies, Your Honor. It won't happen again.

And this new chemical compound that my client created... it contains no illegal attributes?

That is correct. Tert-Butyl 4-hydroxybutanoate is electrically neutral, while GHB is an ionic compound.

So, would that be like the difference between Coke and Pepsi?

No, it's more like the difference between a butyrate-Co-A ligase and a glycine N-acyltransferase.

Thank you, Doctor.

McGrath: Dr. Marcotte, the Federal Analogue Act does not require that a drug be listed as a controlled substance for it to be illegal... is that correct?

That's my understanding.

If it is substantially similar to a controlled substance, it is treated as though it were a controlled substance?

Objection.

The witness is not qualified to answer a legal question.

And yet, this is a motion to dismiss.

And as much as you three are treating it like a full-on trial, I have a life, I'd like to get back to it, so overruled.

McGrath: Do you want me to repeat the question, Doctor?

No, you are correct.

An analogue of a drug is treated, under the law, as an illegal drug.

And isn't it also true that no matter how elegant the defendant's attempt to elude the law is...

Objection!

I'll rephrase. No matter how elegant this new chemical compound is, the high associated with it is identical to GHB?

Yes, that is definitely true.

Your Honor, once again, the Federal Analogue Act makes it illegal to produce or sell any drug that is only a few molecules away from a controlled substance.

It's not a few molecules away.

It is the difference...

Between Coke and Pepsi... yes, I get it.

Points for making this folksy, Counselor, but your motion to dismiss is denied.

(Bangs gavel)

Damn it. I thought we had it.

What?

We still might.

Oh, thank you.

This is your office?

Yes, I'm thinking of having it painted.

What do you think?

Hmm.

Oh, um, excuse me.

Uh...

Oh, well...

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, I...

I'm still moving in.

Yeah, yes. I can see that.

Um... Oh, oh, no...

No, I'll go back here.

Okay.

Okay.

Um, Mr. Gold?

I really don't know how I can help you.

In fact, I-I don't know if the governor would want me to help him.

Well, we're trying to show what a strong family Peter has.

(Laughs)

Oh, sorry.

And there's something you can help us with.

Have you heard of...

Mama's Homespun Cooking?

No, I haven't. What is that?

It's a reality show.

Oh, sounds delightful.

And I'd like you to appear on it with Alicia.

Oh...

Sorry.

It's-it's-it's a show where you would teach Alicia a recipe.

(Laughing): Oh, sorry.

A new recipe she would then cook for her family.

(Grunting, laughing)

And I'd love for you to participate.

Oh, I wouldn't miss that for the world.

Okay, a few updates.

The Turnbow depositions will start on Wednesday.

What about the Cliven-Hartford suit?

Settled.

$1.2 million in damages and remediation for facilities in Peoria.

Well, someone had a good nap.

(Laughter)

Would you mind repeating that?

What?

I just want to make sure everybody heard it.

Oh, it was a joke.

I know. Could you say it exactly the way you said it before?

I said, "Someone had a good nap."

Thank you.

Carry on.

Yes.

Well, now that we're all up to speed, uh, I want to discuss Alicia.

I think we should turn the temperature down with her.

Do you want to invite her back?

We do that, we lose Reese Dipple's business.

I'm afraid David's right, but we could feed her our overflow.

Overflow? You mean overflow cases?

Yes, it's financially negligible to us, but it could help her.

It could also help neutralize her as a potential pawn for Canning.

She'll be our pawn instead.

Mm-hmm.

Howard?

Oh...

I'm checking to see who's here.

(Cell phone ringing)

Oh, would you excuse me?

Diane: Uh, are there any opinions on this sub...?

This is Howard.

Oh, hello, this is Jackie Florrick returning your call.

Uh, did you need Alicia's number?

Oh, no, I was calling for you.

Oh.

Uh...

Well, well, how may I help you?

I, uh, haven't done this in quite a while, so I'm a, I'm a little rusty, but, uh, would you like to have dinner with me?

Intent.

What "intent"?

The Federal Analogue Act has a scienter requirement.

You have to know what you were doing.

You had to know that you were making an analogue drug.

Yes, but Roland did know.

He knew he was making an analogue of GHB.

Yes, but he hasn't testified to that.

Look, my client didn't know he was buying an analogue to GHB.

He thought he was buying GHB.

So he can't be prosecuted for buying a controlled substance, because it wasn't one.

He can only be prosecuted for purchasing an analogue, but only if he knew it was an analogue, which he didn't.

It's a catch-22.

Yes. A very neat one.

But it only works for my client... if he thought he was making actual GHB, not an analogue.

That's right.

You're not a chemist, Roland.

You studied computer science, right?

Yeah, but I did a lot of research.

I mean, you know, I love learning.

Wait, hold on.

Is there a chance that while you, in fact, made tert-Butyl whatever, you were trying to make GHB?

Tert-Butyl 4-hydroxybutanoate.

Your intent is important here.

What you intended to do.

(Stammers)

No.

Wait.

Don't say anything yet.

You can't be convicted of making GHB, because it wasn't GHB.

You can only be convicted of making an analogue.

But if you thought you were making GHB... if you didn't know you had created an analogue...

No intent.

Right.

To be clear, I'm just telling you what your dealer is going to testify to.

I'm saying that could be your defense, if you were trying to make GHB.

So... no rush.

Take a moment and think.

So what were you trying to make?

GHB.

So you never intended to make an analogue drug.

Roland: Uh, no. I thought I was making the real thing.

McGrath: Objection.

What's your objection?

He's just admitted he was trying to manufacture a controlled substance.

Yes, but he didn't succeed in making a controlled substance.

He made an analogue... I imagine you're arguing "by accident."

Yes, Your Honor.

Schakowsky: It's a little cute, but it does put you in a bind, Mr. ASA.

This is semantics.

No. It's the law.

You know the difference? I get a gavel.

Your Honor, we move to dismiss.

McGrath: Hold on, I still get to cross.

Schakowsky: You do. Mrs. Florrick, keep your motion handy.

McGrath: Mr. Hlavin, how did you know how to make GHB?

Read it online.

And if you were trying to make GHB, why did you give it a new name?

Snowball Chi sounded cooler.

I'm pretty good at marketing.

I mean, I'm pretty good at most things.

McGrath: Not at making GHB, apparently.

Excuse me?

I'm just saying you set out to make one thing and you made something else. That's a failure.

Objection, Your Honor. Badgering the witness.

It's not much of a badger. Overruled.

I didn't... it's not a failure.

You've never held a job in chemistry, have you?

No. So what?

And you were arrested during your third drug deal?

Fourth.

McGrath: So you're not one of these designer drug geniuses.

You didn't make something safer or smarter or better.

You're just a kid who tried to make something off the Internet and you botched the job!

No, it is better.

Oh, so you knew you were making something different?

I knew I was making something that saves lives.

McGrath: Not like GHB?

Roland: That's right!

Thank you. No further questions.

Schakowsky: Mrs. Florrick, your motion to dismiss is denied. Your client will stand trial.

(Gavel bangs, phone buzzing)

Yeah. Hey, Grace, what's up?

There's something up with your client.

He didn't go to Stanford.

Yes, he did. Class of 2011.

No... yes.

I mean, yes, he's on the alumni Web site, but I called the school.

They don't have a record of anyone with that name.

Ever. Neither does IBM.

And the home address on his arrest report?

There's a Cuban family living there.

Grace, what's going on?

I have no idea.

But your client doesn't seem to exist.

Alicia: I have to be out of here in an hour, Eli.

Veronica: Me, too.

Why? Where are you going?

I have things to do.

You're not the only person who works, you know.

I hear you're punishing yourself.

Punishing?

That's what Owen says.

Working for nothing, helping the great unwashed.

I'm starting over, and it's a good feeling.

Like every new husband. A good feeling... for the first few months, then...

Why isn't Peter helping you?

Eli?

Don't ask me.

Alicia?

Mom, have you been drinking?

What? No. It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

Alicia: I can smell it on your breath.

I had a little wine at lunch, but I haven't been drinking.

Oh, my God.

Let's go, ladies.

We're gonna have some fun.

(Veronica laughs)

Alicia: Uh, yeah.

I'll be there in a second.

Eli, get her some mints or something.

Grace: So I couldn't find any other discrepancies in his story.

He's all over social media.

He's bragging about his new drug, talking about his brother.

But...?

But then I ran his mug sh*t through facial recognition software and I got a hit.

You did all that?

I know. Well, Zach helped.

Alicia: So what is it?

Grace: Roland. But he's in a group of FBI agents.

He's FBI?

Grace: If that's him, he is.

Mrs. Florrick, ready to go.

So, as a working woman... the mother of two, not to mention the wife of the governor... how do you do it? Manage it all?

Oh, well, with great help from my mother.

She's always there when you need her.

So, what's your go-to meal, Veronica?

Well, Mama Jill, I'd have to say that right now, it's ordering pizza.

(Laughing): Well, there's nothing wrong with that, is there?

Every once in a while.

But today you're gonna teach Alicia how to make your special lasagna.

Yes, my special lasagna.

You remember, dear, my special lasagna that I made for you all those years?

Yes, Mom, I can't wait to taste it.

You may have noticed the tone of Alicia's voice.

The irony in it.

I guess I just wasn't a very good cook when she was growing up.

But you must be making up for lost time.

Yes, I've had to step up, haven't I?

Oh, really? Is that what this has been?

Yes. It has.

Oh, I know, you're making fun, but it has.

Ever since, you know... the issues.

Mom...

Yeah, what I mean to say is, a mother needs to be with her daughter when things get... difficult.

Mama Jill: So what other preparation...

And when I say "difficult,"

I'm not talking about marital difficulties.

Alicia: Mom, why don't we just change the subject?

Don't patronize me.

Get me Eli Gold!

Veronica: I'm not saying what you think I'm saying.

I stayed away for two years because you didn't call me.

Alicia: Mom, I didn't call you because I didn't know where you were.

Mama Jill: So what about this lasagna?

Thought you might've forgotten me.

Who was your faculty advisor at Stanford?

What?

In the computer science department.

Um, no one in particular.

But what was his name?

Um... I don't know.

Why is there a Cuban family living in your apartment?

Maybe you called the wrong number?

What's the right number?

Why are you asking me this?

Because you're not who you say you are.

And you sabotaged my defense strategy and I want to know why.

Look, I didn't mean to.

I'm sorry, I... lost my temper.

That's you.

Are you in bed with the FBI?

Are you an informant?

That's not me, Mrs. Florrick.

You don't have to lie to me.

You're covered by attorney-client privilege.

Okay. So this is what's going to happen: I'm going to the judge and I'm going to ask to be relieved as your attorney.

I can't let you do that.

You have no choice.

Yeah, I do.

I don't think you want me going to the judge and telling him how you got me to perjure myself.

What did you say?

No, it's what you said.

"You can't be convicted of making GHB if it wasn't GHB.

"You can only be convicted of making an analogue.

But if you thought you were making GHB..."

I never told you to lie.

In fact, I explicitly told you not to lie.

Let's let the judge decide.

Who are you?

Doesn't matter.

All that matters is that you keep representing me until I get my day in court.

Eli?

Over here.

This is your office?

I know.

But once I get some plants and pictures...

I think it could really be something.

What's wrong?

(Sighs)

I'm being set up.

No, Ruth wouldn't go after you.

Not Ruth.

The FBI.

What are you talking about?

I have a client who I thought was a drug designer.

But I think he's an FBI informant.

As part of his defense, I was walking him through a few different case scenarios.

(Sighs)

I explained the implications of each and I let him decide how he wanted to testify.

Is that a lawyerly way of saying you helped him lie?

No.

But it could be interpreted that way.

What are you thinking? Enemies of Peter?

Or you.

It's a primary.

Anything could happen.

So what do I do?

Just... let me find out what's happening and I'll get back to you.

Oh, wait, was the strategy yours to get your client to lie?

It wasn't a lie.

Okay.

Okay. But was the strategy yours?

Y...

No. It wasn't.

Whose was it?

Eli, you're not...

Oh, Mrs. Florrick, hello.

Ruth.

Thank you for your time today.

Cooking.

Alicia: Oh, well...

Yes, it was a... unusual experience.

I hope you got what you needed out of it.

A lot came out of it.

I just wish we had another chair.

We could have a prayer circle.

Um, well, I should go.

Thank you, Eli.

Ruth: I'm gonna get in here.

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me.

Thank... bye.

Bye-bye.

You told her to t*nk the cooking show?

I didn't need to.

Alicia and her mom do not have what you would call a "traditional" relationship.

If you'd worked with her longer, you would know that.

When you hurt me, you hurt Peter.

I do not want to hurt either of you.

Eli Gold, what am I gonna do with you?

You could quit.

Grace: My mom should be here soon.

Can I get you anything?

Diane: Oh, no, thank you.

I'll just wait here.

(Clears throat quietly)

Diane?

Alicia.

I'm so sorry to barge in like this.

Oh, no, don't be sorry. I'm sure we can take a break from whatever we're doing.

Oh, yes. There's a lot of calls to return, but I'll hold them, Mrs. Florrick.

Thank you.

Uh, first, let me just say how impressed I was with the way you handled the Smulders inheritance.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

We seem to have an overload of cases and not enough associates to handle them.

The partners and I met, and, um, we would like to give a few of them to you.

Wow. Uh... thank you.

They're not huge cases.

I'm not a huge firm.

How is it, being on your own?

It's been a bit of a struggle, but... actually not bad.

Big firms aren't what they used to be.

Well, it sounds like business is good.

You have an overload of cases.

Yes, I guess it is good.

(Doorbell rings)

Diane, will you excuse me for a minute?

(Sighs)

So, your guy is a lying egomaniac.

Do you trust him to get through trial?

No.

Well, we can't put him on the stand again.

I don't need him dragging my client down.

Your strategy, the catch-22, are you always so creative with the truth?

I am when I've been pushed to reject a one-year deal.

I think we should sever our cases.

Separate trials, separate juries.

(Scoffs)

Yeah, sure.

Great meeting. Thanks.

Screw you.

McGrath: The state calls Scott Pierre-Paul.

Mr. Pierre-Paul, do you have reason to believe Roland Hlavin knew he was making a designer drug?

Yeah, he knew.

He marketed it as an alternative to GHB.

Said it was safer, no adverse side effects.

McGrath: And did he ever claim that his dr*gs were better than GHB?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was the whole point.

His testimony is gonna convict you.

We need to come clean.

About what?

About you, who you are.

No.

You think that the FBI is gonna protect you if you don't give up your identity, but they're not.

You're supposed to do what I want.

No, I'm supposed to defend you.

Schakowsky: Mrs. Florrick, I realize this rather damning testimony is upsetting to both you and your client, but could you please hold it down?

Your Honor, may... may we approach?

No.

By all means.

It's not like we're in the middle of anything.

Wait!

Young man, sit down!

I've asked my lawyer not to do this, Your Honor.

What is she doing?

I need to speak with my lawyer.

Please, may we have a recess?

(Scoffs)

Make it quick.

(Buzzer blaring)

(Door opens)

Look, the reason I lied to you before is because I am an undercover FBI agent.

And you are coming very close to blowing my case.

What case?

I'm your defense attorney.

You don't want me to defend you, then fire me.

It's a sting.

Of who, me?

No.

(Chuckles)

Then let me go to the judge and brief him.

No, the judge... is the target.

Schakowsky?

He will be offered a bribe to dismiss all charges against me.

If he does, he will be arrested.

Does Lucca know? Does the ASA...?

No and no. No one knows, not even the cops who arrested me.

You went to all this effort.

The Bureau is cracking down on corruption in state legislatures and judiciaries.

Now, we need you to go back in there and continue this case.

When the prosecution rests, move for dismissal.

On what grounds?

You don't need grounds.

Schakowsky will have taken the bribe by then.

He dismisses the case, we arrest him.

Now, Alicia, you have no choice in this.

Move for dismissal.

(Laughter)

Any kids, Howard?

No.

I hated kids.

(Chuckles)

You have a lovely laugh.

Oh.

My mother hated my laugh.

She forced me to eat a garlic clove every time I laughed.

You're kidding.

No.

You have a beautiful laugh.

Refined.

(Chuckles)

What's wrong?

Nothing. It's... just been so long since I've been happy.

(Chuckles)

Hmm.

(Singing operatically)

Hello, Alicia.

Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about this ageism suit.

No, I think I changed my mind.

I don't want to bring the suit.

I just found out what's going on with Howard.

Why he's acting so weird.

What is it?

He's bringing an ageism suit against us.

For what? What have we done?

I don't know.

And you know who's helping him? Alicia.

Diane: How do you know that?

I heard him on the phone with her.

Cary: You need to fire him.

David: You fire him, you give him what he wants, a cause.

Cary: No, we fire him for cause.

Next time he exposes himself to a client.

David: My guess is, Alicia advised him not to do anything stupid, and he's boned up on all the cases in order to appear smart.

Diane, where are you going?

(Knocking)

I checked with Landau.

He has sources at the FBI.

They're not after you.

I know.

(Sighs): Which means... they're after Peter. I got to make a few calls.

No, Eli, I was wrong.

What do you mean? It's not the FBI?

No, it is. I...

Then let me make a few calls. If it's a sting, the more exposure they have, the more they have to back off.

Eli, you can't make those calls.

Why not?

Because it's not about me.

It's about the judge, Schakowsky.

It's a bribery sting.

They pulled the exact same thing in Philadelphia earlier this year.

(Knocking)

(Sighing): Excuse me.

Diane, hi.

Tell me something, Alicia.

Are you always gonna be looking for ways to get back at me?

Excuse me?

I thought we had smoothed things over.

I championed you to the other partners.

I got them to agree to send you our overflow.

You accepted my generous offer, all the while actively trying to betray me.

Betray you?

I don't...

You're representing Howard.

No, I'm not.

You didn't give him advice about bringing an ageism suit?

(Sighs heavily)

That's privileged.

You told him exactly what he needed to do in order to sue us.

Diane, this is not what it seems.

Actually, sometimes it is.

Cary: What is it about?

David: Howard? I don't know, subpoenas maybe.

What did Alicia say?

Nothing.

But she is advising him.

Bitch.

Hey.

What?

So we tell him to take emeritus status.

We've already been through that, but he does nothing for the bottom line, so we do have cause.

(Grunts)

Howard.

You wanted to see us?

Yeah.

Uh, I just wanted to say, uh, I brought in the Food Service Union.

Excuse me?

The Food Service Union.

They were looking for new legal representation, and I landed them.

You convinced Ronnie Erickson?

Oh, yeah, nice guy.

Friend of a friend.

$33 million in yearly billing.

Just thought you three should know.

Uh...

(Door closes)

(Chuckles)

(Moans)

I take it they were impressed with my friend Ronnie's business?

Impressed? They nearly wet themselves.

(Laughter)

Oh, that laugh.

Oh, my God.

(Laughing): A nine iron?

145 yards, pin high.

I'll never do it again.

(Laughter)

You should come with me sometime.

We'll take the wives.

Deal.

Speaking of wives, I have a favor, Don.

sh**t.

You've got a case.

Roland Hlavin.

He's Muriel's niece's kid.

He got caught doing something stupid.

I'll say.

But he's not a bad kid.

Believe it or not, he was trying to do something good.

Keep people from overdosing.

Anyway, if there's any way that you can dismiss his case, give him a slap on the wrist.

Jail would break him.

(Chuckles)

Let his Aunt Muriel have at him.

I can make it worth your while.

I know your son's been looking for a board seat over at PolyTech.

I can make that happen.

Bailiff: All rise.

I understand the defense has a motion.

We do, Your Honor.

At this time, the defense moves for a dismissal of all charges.

On what grounds?

The state's entire case relies on the testimony of my client's former codefendant.

His most recent testimony directly contradicts his earlier sworn statements.

He's simply not credible.

Your motion is denied, Mrs. Florrick.

This case will go to trial.

Let's pick a date, shall we?

You tipped him off.

No, I didn't.

Maybe he's just not corrupt.

Have you ever thought of that?

This was a two-year investigation, and we had him.

Apparently not.

Yeah, you're fired.

Nice meeting you, sir. Good luck.

(Crowd chattering, baby crying)

Schakowsky: Let's get started, people.

Lot of cases backing up.

Bar attorneys, let's go.

Males 45-56, Mrs. Florrick.

And... males 57-60 for you, Ms. Quinn.

Your Honor...

I don't have time to discuss.

Let's go.

Alicia: Male 45?

Oscar Massey, DUI.

Male 52.

Carter Nicholas, exposed yourself in public?

I'm Alicia Florrick, I'm a bar attorney made available to you by the Chicago Bar Association for your convenience.

You're not required to hire me, but if you don't...

Thanks for doing that, warning me.

I probably never would've touched that bribe anyway, but I hate the way the FBI turns friends against friends.

It's terrible, isn't it?

Yeah.

Anyway, I certainly owe you one.

Good, because I need a little help with Frank Landau.