01x03 - Behind the Lines

[bunniefuu]

Meanwhile, on "Con Man"

I have the script! It's a western! Clint Eastwood!

Hush it down! No one is supposed to know about this.

I'm Karen.

The convention sent over a personal assistant.

She's dressed just like me.

I just came to get my... lucky pen back.

Is that his pen?

No, it is not.

You are insinuating that Mr. Nerely is a petty thief. Leave the line now!

Is that my script?

That was in my pocket.

Yeah, so was your wallet.

I needed to get some cash so I can make extra copies.

I think Clint wouldn't mind if I rehearsed with you.

Okay, hush, hush. Please.

Con Man - Episode 3 - "Behind the Lines"

Oh, perfect.

Oh, Great.

Here.

This is wonderful.

Lights, camera, action!

You sit here.

So let me just sort of set...

The stage for you, alright?

Now.

The wagon train has been att*cked by Indians.

I know.

Okay, there are dead bodies... everywhere thrown around like dirt!

This way, that way, they're all over... they're spread apart.

Okay?

And...

We're tired.

And we're very thirsty.

And we're scared.

But we're still alive.

Echo!

Buzzards...

Think they know what we don't?

It's been days, Tucker.

What should we do?

Nothing.

Not til Cody...

He's dead.

Everyone is dead.

No, Cody made it out.

Cody made it out!

Tucker, I can't see.

I can't see. I can't see anything.

Be still.

Be still.

Is that you?

Be still. Be still.

You're... you're bleeding again.

You smell that?

That's...

That's my wound that's infected.

Stop it!

Bobbie, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be playing an old man. A dying old cook!

Well I thought Cookie was a sassy prost*tute.

Where are you getting that?

"Crusted chili...

Baked into his beard".

That is... it is not in the lines.

No, it's not always in the lines.

It's what behind the lines.

Yeah.

I got that tip on the set of "Kojak".

From Mr. Telly Savalas.

That wasn't the only tip that he gave me that day.

He was a big tipper.

I wanna... I wanna work on this alone.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, uh...

Let me give you a little lesson, alright?

Acting is half reacting.

Watch my snuffs.

No, you've got to be kidding me...

How did... Bobbie!

I'll rip out your heart and show it to your dying aunt!

Die, human!

Jerry?

Jerry!

Jerry, stop it, man!

Oh, I got you so good!

You were so scared.

I was not.

Yes you were.

I knew it was you, it's that...

Character you did for that video game.

Hey, missed you in Vegas.

Screw Vegas.

This thing stinks.

Yeah, it a little bit...

Steamer than the mo caps do it.

Kinda smells like...

Wolf urine...

Bree. I like it.

Oh, I'm broken.

It's the back?

I got something for that.

You d*ck.

I have to record an audition this... oh, hey!

Can you help me record an audition this weekend, for a movie?

For a Clint Eastwood Western?

Why are you whispering?

Because...

It's top secret.

Nobody can know about it.

Does Clint know?

Oh, there it is.

Here.

Cures what ails ya.

I don't know, man...

Is... is it strong?

Nah!

Unless you're drinking, you know.

Well, I'm not drinking.

Alright, I'm gonna be doing a little cross species breeding this weekend.

Yeah, that requires a lot of booze.

See you in about 20 at that thing with people, right?

Yeah, yeah, give me a little bit.

Hey, hey!

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy, how's it going, man?

Oh, I'm bored.

Finally have a day off and relax and it feels like failure.

Why aren't you here man, you cancelled.

No.

My assistant cancelled. He's not working out.

I wish I was there with you.

I wish I was there. Hey!

Man, I have an audition with Clint Eastwood...

For a western.

And I was wondering...

If you knew him.

I don't know... maybe put in a good word for me?

All famous people don't know all other famous people, Wray.

But yeah, I know him. He borrowed my lawnmower. He owes me a favor.

Seriously, dude, thank you so much!

Mr. Moore?

I still can't find the lawnmower.

Esta bien?

Armand, it's rocks. Don't mow rocks.

♪Chicos(?) jugar al poker?

Si, I love poker. You know I speak English, I went to USC.

♪Lo se. Huevo. Okay, I'm gonna go with win some el salario de los trabajadores(?)

- Let's go, Armand.

Thank you. Thank you, man.

You bet.

These are the platinum members.

Talk to each table for 15 minutes. When the bell rings...

Switch tables.

I'm not that interesting.

People here to have fun, Wray. Be fun.

Remember, Lieutenant...

Be who they think you are.

No, that didn't work.

Then just be yourself.

Just be yourself...

I can do that. Thank you.

Be myself.

Thank you.

Smile.

So...

Anybody have any questions?

Yeah.

Are you guys going to make a "Spectrum" movie?

God, I hope not.

Any other questions?

Nothing?

So, after "Spectrum"...

What's your favorite sci-fi project that you've done?

Oh, well "Galactic Justice"...

That one... that one blew.

"Timejackers"... that one suck.

"Infil 1" sucked, "Infil 2" sucked even more, but...

They didn't suck any more near as bad as the prequel "Into the Womb, Back to the Fetus".

The alien baby was awesome!

I bet you think that about all babies because you're about to have one.

One what?

One what?

If you could do any movie, what superhero would you be?

I can do any movie, it wouldn't be a superhero movie. I would do a Cohen brothers movie...

I would do a Wes Anderson movie...

You don't like sci-fi?

Gotta be honest with you...

I hate sci-fi.

Nerely, what...

Come on! Who's ready for some hard stuff?

It's unanimous.

Lose the flask, Bilbo.

Let's do this!

Everybody on the dance floor!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Have you... have you seen her?

This is the best... the best Belaran costume I have ever seen.

Ever since, uh...

"We will not be aired, never seen up lens"

Scariest race in "Spectrum".

Sorry, I made you some bourbon balls.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That is very nice of you.

I hope you like them.

How do you put bourbon into balls?

Carefully.

She's shy.

Yeah, okay.

Alright.

No, no.

Wait, what are you doing with my bourbon balls?

I'll keep these for you.

Then let's just drink some bourbon!

Yes!

Bourbon for Mr. Nerely.

Come on, everybody!

You are crazy, man. You look just like that f*cking guy who was in the other bar.

Andy Serkis...

What's so great about Andy Serkis?

Circuses are for clowns.

You know what I have never seen at any circus?

And I have been to circuses in all over the world...

You know what I haven't seen at any circus?

Your penis.

You know, it's the corporatization of America.

You know? I mean they come in.

All the studios are corporations now.

They...

Are Ret*rded...

Art.

Exactly!

Ret*rded it all up.